Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums
This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!
What Does "The Birds and The Bees" Talk Mean With Women? (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Clucking Flu
- Start date
ChiefD
Footballguy
Run far away from this girl. You said in an above post that she believes she has the reputation as the girl in the office that will do anything and then get thrown away like a dirty dish towel.
Just my opinion, this is not the girl you want to be with or be another guy that takes advantage of her physically. You are in a no win situation here.
There is so much top choice tail out there without the baggage. And find that girl you can be yourself with. This one ain’t the one.
Just my opinion, this is not the girl you want to be with or be another guy that takes advantage of her physically. You are in a no win situation here.
There is so much top choice tail out there without the baggage. And find that girl you can be yourself with. This one ain’t the one.
STEADYMOBBIN 22
Footballguy
Impressively old alias. All my accounts that age are perma-banned.
Clucking Flu
Footballguy
I gave this more thought and have opted not be in pursuit mode and have backed off. Haven't heard from her, so let her approach me if she wants to. If she does, will reevaluate the situation then. If she doesn't, she doesn't.
wikkidpissah
Footballguy
jic....
always..................be......................closing.
i come from the gen that invented the friend zone, and FZ inhaled a lot of my unrequited ardor til i got wise.
i LOOOOVE my friendships with women and they have been more valuable to me than those w men, but your soul will #### with you forever (AND give you a roving eye, even when you're with THE ONE) if you aint gettin your share when you're a free agent. now, i never "hit" on anybody - i'm not the type, dont take myself seriously enough - but i seldom wasted chances with someone i dig on that whole "dont understand the signals" and/or "i cant bear for her to say 'no'" thang. if i'm attracted to someone and she aint in a committed relationship, i leanleanlean til i fall down or land on sumnsumn.
the axiom is only half true - women dont always know if they'll sleep with you in the first minute. they DO know when they wont almost immediately. since most women are always possessed of opportunities, they dont get with everybody they might. if man proves useful in other ways, he goes into the utility pen. perty damn hard to get out of the utility pen, because what's bad about a guy who'll always answer your calls, never forget to tell you youre amazing and does your chores and helps your heart, life & resolve?!
so i go gladiator, right for the Empress' thumb. yay or nay, waste no time. once i get the "not a chance in hell" or i get invited in and it dont work out, i wait 2-3 wks, call them up and tell them i miss the hang and willingly take my place in the utility zone. no illusions are eating my guts and women are more faithful, caring & wise than men - ie, best of friends. GL -
and, in case you forgot already - always...............be.................closing.
always..................be......................closing.
i come from the gen that invented the friend zone, and FZ inhaled a lot of my unrequited ardor til i got wise.
i LOOOOVE my friendships with women and they have been more valuable to me than those w men, but your soul will #### with you forever (AND give you a roving eye, even when you're with THE ONE) if you aint gettin your share when you're a free agent. now, i never "hit" on anybody - i'm not the type, dont take myself seriously enough - but i seldom wasted chances with someone i dig on that whole "dont understand the signals" and/or "i cant bear for her to say 'no'" thang. if i'm attracted to someone and she aint in a committed relationship, i leanleanlean til i fall down or land on sumnsumn.
the axiom is only half true - women dont always know if they'll sleep with you in the first minute. they DO know when they wont almost immediately. since most women are always possessed of opportunities, they dont get with everybody they might. if man proves useful in other ways, he goes into the utility pen. perty damn hard to get out of the utility pen, because what's bad about a guy who'll always answer your calls, never forget to tell you youre amazing and does your chores and helps your heart, life & resolve?!
so i go gladiator, right for the Empress' thumb. yay or nay, waste no time. once i get the "not a chance in hell" or i get invited in and it dont work out, i wait 2-3 wks, call them up and tell them i miss the hang and willingly take my place in the utility zone. no illusions are eating my guts and women are more faithful, caring & wise than men - ie, best of friends. GL -
and, in case you forgot already - always...............be.................closing.
greenmountaingoat
Footballguy
7 years from now, you'll wish you'd signed a prenup.
STEADYMOBBIN 22
Footballguy
Tom Servo
Nittany Beavers
Clucking Flu
Footballguy
Since it's Friday . . .
I backed off and let her get in touch with me when she was ready. Didn't hear from her for 10 days, then she initiated contact with me the past 3 days. Looks and personality wise, she is very similar to Charlize Theron. She apologized for not getting back to me because her life is crazy as her divorce is finalized. Still trying to figure out where all this is headed. But I definitely think backing off was a wise move. Haven't brought up getting together again, and that certainly is going to come up again soon. The smart thing to do would be to drop back 15 yards and punt. Yes, she sounds crazy. I've dated crazy women and sane women, and the crazy ones were way more interesting.
You guys kept asking about her situation . . . but no one asked about mine. I have been, and am still currently, married. Pick whatever term you want to apply to my current relationship . . . fractured, rocky, toxic, tumultuous, failed, etc. My wife and I have struggled to make things work and at this point are not connected or aligned much at all. We rarely communicate or spend much time together, have polar opposite opinions on just about everything, and are not on the same page about anything.
We raised a family but with the kids now out of the house, being alone together doesn't work well. Lots of bickering, arguing, and disagreements . I am tired of the debates, the drama, and the agitation. We don't have much fun together anymore and don't really enjoy each other's company. At this point, we are holding on by a few threads.
I have always felt we could work things out. I have been 100% committed solely to her for a LONG time. It was tough when we had a houseful of kids, and I always thought things would get easier when we could finally have time to ourselves. Unfortunately, the kids were the glue that kept things together. Neither one of us is all that happy. In many ways, I feel like we are on the Titanic after we hit the iceberg and there's no happy ending forthcoming.
Now blend all that in with meeting someone like my version of Charlize, and you can see 1) why that would be exciting, 2) why I would be interested, and 3) why I am very conflicted. I've had no spark or connection with anyone for so long, I forgot that people can actually have fun interacting with each other. Yes, that's sad. But that's where I am at. So for whomever asked what do I want, the honest answer is I don't know. I wanted my relationship to work out with my wife, but that seems like a 1,000-1 shot. Don't know enough about Charlize to have any idea if there is anything there other than an attraction and some ability to interact, communicate, and get along. Emotionally and logistically, I am doubtful I could be in more than one relationship at a time (or that I would even want to).
Now that the cat is out of the bag, anyone want to revise their opinion?
I backed off and let her get in touch with me when she was ready. Didn't hear from her for 10 days, then she initiated contact with me the past 3 days. Looks and personality wise, she is very similar to Charlize Theron. She apologized for not getting back to me because her life is crazy as her divorce is finalized. Still trying to figure out where all this is headed. But I definitely think backing off was a wise move. Haven't brought up getting together again, and that certainly is going to come up again soon. The smart thing to do would be to drop back 15 yards and punt. Yes, she sounds crazy. I've dated crazy women and sane women, and the crazy ones were way more interesting.
You guys kept asking about her situation . . . but no one asked about mine. I have been, and am still currently, married. Pick whatever term you want to apply to my current relationship . . . fractured, rocky, toxic, tumultuous, failed, etc. My wife and I have struggled to make things work and at this point are not connected or aligned much at all. We rarely communicate or spend much time together, have polar opposite opinions on just about everything, and are not on the same page about anything.
We raised a family but with the kids now out of the house, being alone together doesn't work well. Lots of bickering, arguing, and disagreements . I am tired of the debates, the drama, and the agitation. We don't have much fun together anymore and don't really enjoy each other's company. At this point, we are holding on by a few threads.
I have always felt we could work things out. I have been 100% committed solely to her for a LONG time. It was tough when we had a houseful of kids, and I always thought things would get easier when we could finally have time to ourselves. Unfortunately, the kids were the glue that kept things together. Neither one of us is all that happy. In many ways, I feel like we are on the Titanic after we hit the iceberg and there's no happy ending forthcoming.
Now blend all that in with meeting someone like my version of Charlize, and you can see 1) why that would be exciting, 2) why I would be interested, and 3) why I am very conflicted. I've had no spark or connection with anyone for so long, I forgot that people can actually have fun interacting with each other. Yes, that's sad. But that's where I am at. So for whomever asked what do I want, the honest answer is I don't know. I wanted my relationship to work out with my wife, but that seems like a 1,000-1 shot. Don't know enough about Charlize to have any idea if there is anything there other than an attraction and some ability to interact, communicate, and get along. Emotionally and logistically, I am doubtful I could be in more than one relationship at a time (or that I would even want to).
Now that the cat is out of the bag, anyone want to revise their opinion?
Dezbelief
Footballguy
Get a divorce for yourself and for your wife. Talk to your wife about a divorce, tell her you feel like you're not making her happy and she deserves to be happy. You deserve to be happy too. If she wants to try counseling or something, try it. Sometimes relationships are like old worn out shoes, it's hard say goodbye to something that served you well.
If you and your lady friend hook up, fine. Your focus should be your happiness with or without either lady. You should talk with your wife before anything physical happens with your friend. If you do wind up getting a divorce, do it for yourself. Let your lady friend know she might have been the catalyst but she wasn't the reason. Don't expect your friend to be waiting for you if the divorce happens. If she is that's a bonus.
If you and your lady friend hook up, fine. Your focus should be your happiness with or without either lady. You should talk with your wife before anything physical happens with your friend. If you do wind up getting a divorce, do it for yourself. Let your lady friend know she might have been the catalyst but she wasn't the reason. Don't expect your friend to be waiting for you if the divorce happens. If she is that's a bonus.
Last edited by a moderator:
WDIK2
Footballguy
Have some respect for your wife and yourself and don't do this. Do what you can to work on your marriage. It may not work out and you still end up divorced for other reasons, but don't talk yourself into "Charlize" being one of them. My words come from experience.
I hate posting serious responses.
Caveman33
Footballguy
Solid advice so long as you don't find the potential loneliness worse than a bitter relationship. Clucking Flu, what are Charlize's thoughts about you being married? You seem to have morals and don't like taking advantage. If you're honest with everybody, you probably won't have regrets. Sex is so temporary. I don't relish it after the fact. But I do have regrets about how I behaved at times in pursuit of it.
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
This, but minus the Hulk routine.
ETA Just caught up with the “big reveal” a few posts up. He should definitely abandon ship with crazy Charlize and prioritize his current marriage. If it ends up in divorce, cheating ain’t gonna help.
Last edited by a moderator:
Ilov80s
Footballguy
Nobody is saying he should marry her but maybe he would enjoy spending some time with someone who looks like Charlize Theron and likes to have fun
Also @Clucking Flu get a divorce. There is no reason to be miserable.
Clucking Flu
Footballguy
Whenever there has been talk of getting divorced, my wife indicated she's fine with that provided she gets everything and I get nothing. The last time that came up was 6 months ago, and since then she said she wants for things to work out.
Even getting divorced has issues. For starters, pre-COVID, doctors thought my wife had cancer and she's supposed to be going for followup but hasn't. Not sure I could leave someone facing potential cancer treatment. She also has had bouts with depression and is chronically unhappy. She complains about literally anything 1,000 times a day. She barely survived one suicide attempt and has indicated if we break up she's not sure she could go on. Not sure I could leave someone that might try to kill herself if we broke up.
She works remotely and is trying to set up working in a warm climate 6 months a year. She also mentioned wanting to travel 2 additional months, so we would see each other 4 months a year. For someone that says she is trying to work things out, she hasn't changed her actions or behavior any (and not sure being apart that much would help any). So it's really hard for me to get behind the I'll-do-anything-to-make-my-marriage-work concept when nothing ever changes no matter what you do and how hard you try. She refuses any sort of counseling or therapy either individually or as a couple.
I realize marriage issues are separate from anything to do with Charlize. She knows what's going on with me and at one point mentioned that sticking around and trying to make things work with my wife made me more attractive, not less attractive. We have never had a discussion about us as a potential couple. I know at one point she was really into me. Several years ago, she suggested we hook up.That pretty much shocked me (that is SOOOO not me and I hadn't even considered that). I wasn't prepared for that and wasn't sure if I could go through with it. But before that ever happened, she backed out because she wanted to try to work things out with her husband. That was 5 years ago (and she is now almost legally divorced). One would think that she still would have an interest in me, but with women who knows?
I don't think I am looking for just a hook up with someone (if I did, I would have done that by now). I have no idea if I would have any long-term interest in Charlize given that I've only interacted with her 15 times over 5 years. Yes, I know that it would make way too much sense to get divorced first and then worry about eventually moving on to someone else. But life isn't always that clean and tidy. Maybe if I started hanging out with Charlize some (not romantically), then I might start seeing things more clearly. Then again, I am not sure Charlize would want to just hang out. What a mess.
dickey moe
Fingerpicker
***FRIENDZONEALERTFRIENDZONEALERT***
dickey moe
Fingerpicker
She looks a little like Charlize Theron and a lot like Patrick Ewing.
Tom Servo
Nittany Beavers
You appear to be stuck in some deep mud, brah. I don't know your wife, but would there be a reason to suspect the suicide threat is just her way of keeping you around? Same as someone else mentioned above - better to be in a bad relationship than none at all?
Hooking up with Charlize would remove any leverage you'd have in any divorce. If you could semi, sort of, possibly work that out, then not having a fling in the background keeps it on the smoothest possible ground.
Terminalxylem
Footballguy
Easy for me to say, but the information you’ve provided makes divorce seem like the best option. You can’t be held hostage to your wife’s psychiatric, and possibly physical illness, especially if she’s not willing to work on her problems, or those you share as a couple. Depression with potential suicidality and/or undiagnosed cancer need to be addressed, no doubt, but fearing those possibilities isn’t a reason to stay in a toxic relationship. And her work/travel plans don’t indicate she’s overly concerned about fostering a functional marriage, other than having you around for financial support and emotional fall back.
Do NOT make your situation more complicated by getting involved with Charlize, on any other woman. Consider seeing a mental health professional on your own. And then see a divorce lawyer.
Do NOT make your situation more complicated by getting involved with Charlize, on any other woman. Consider seeing a mental health professional on your own. And then see a divorce lawyer.
Don't Toews Me
Footballguy
Only read the first post but seems like she's looking for attention. Also she'd find the time if she were truly interested. I'd stay away. Seems like a giant waste of time.
Godsbrother
Footballguy
I would start hiding money.
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
I would have just said, "Run, honey, run," but I think this is 100% correct. The Titanic had a better chance.
Last edited by a moderator:
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
Nope. And I used the Titanic reference before I read your post.
Just because the new girl is different, doesn't make her right. She is just different, and this one has major issues. FInish your current relationship before starting a new one.
Last edited by a moderator:
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
Get a good lawyer.
Her emotional blackmail is not your responsibility. It is abusive. It is her responsiblity to acknowledge that she needs treatment and to get treatment.
jwb
Footballguy
Mrs. Rannous said:
Yup, exactly this. The "I'd get divorced but..." stuff will never, ever be resolved.
So you need to decide. Option A = live with all that (and cheat, because that's where you're going whether it's with Charlize or someone else), or Option B = get the divorce, fight a little over splitting the stuff (inevitable), and move on.
Last edited by a moderator:
top dog
Footballguy
I would think that being married to someone with emotional and mental problems shouldn't be replaced with a relationship with someone who has emotional and mental problems.
Time to move on. Her health, physical or mental health does not equal you have to be miserable together. I'm guessing the bad relationship didn't start with her potentially having cancer or getting sick. Was going on long before that.
My wife and I have been married for 22+ years. We probably shouldn't have gotten married as we were rocky going in. Had some really bad years of marriage where we pretty much couldn't stand each other. But we were young. Kids and financial problems can cause some serious pain. As we got older we both started to realize all the nonsense that was such a big deal when we were younger was not so important. Now we have a fantastic relationship. I couldn't imagine being with someone else. But we grew together, not apart. If your kids have grown and your relationship has not gotten better... Well.. I know you took a vow and all, but being together and miserable is not going to help and could even contribute to her mental health deterioration. While you don't want to be the cause of something horrible happening because you left, what if something horrible happens because you stayed?
Time to move on. Her health, physical or mental health does not equal you have to be miserable together. I'm guessing the bad relationship didn't start with her potentially having cancer or getting sick. Was going on long before that.
My wife and I have been married for 22+ years. We probably shouldn't have gotten married as we were rocky going in. Had some really bad years of marriage where we pretty much couldn't stand each other. But we were young. Kids and financial problems can cause some serious pain. As we got older we both started to realize all the nonsense that was such a big deal when we were younger was not so important. Now we have a fantastic relationship. I couldn't imagine being with someone else. But we grew together, not apart. If your kids have grown and your relationship has not gotten better... Well.. I know you took a vow and all, but being together and miserable is not going to help and could even contribute to her mental health deterioration. While you don't want to be the cause of something horrible happening because you left, what if something horrible happens because you stayed?
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
Clucking Flu
Footballguy
Here's the update. Since starting this thread a year and a half ago, Charlize went dark. Didn't hear from her since. I reached out every few months but didn't hear back. Over the last few months, I couldn't stop thinking about her. It kept building and building. I have no idea why. Then out of the blue recently, she contacted me . . . saying she couldn't stop thinking about me. Weird. So we started interacting all over again. She asked to meet me her after work one day for dinner and drinks.
I still was leery (well, for one, she is a woman), as I felt I had been ghosted. I had called her home number . . . disconnected. Texted her . . . never heard back. Emailed her . . . bounced back as undeliverable. Her social media was gone.
I wasn't really sure where all this was headed. Since it was a right after work thing, I went dressed as is. She, on the other hand, went home first and got all gussied up. The whole nine with perfume, makeup, jewelry, a designer outfit, and looking like a runway model. Absolutely stunning. Drop dead gorgeous. Very similar to this. As I said, she is a total dead ringer for Charlize . . . just younger. That answered a lot of questions right from jump street.
Right away, she apologized profusely when I brought up reaching out to her, as someone had been stalking her. She had to change all of her contact information, shut down her social media, and it was a very trying ordeal. She was getting followed, the guy started showing up at her house, and he would show up at night and started being a peeping tom. Eventually, they caught the guy and arrested him (and she had to get a restraining order). Could she have made all that up, I suppose, but she was very upset even describing it.
Our night turned out to be the most fun I have had in 20+ years. It was the first time I felt alive since I don't know when. I know, people will say this is hokey, but from the moment I met her 7+ years ago, it felt like we had known each other our whole lives. We sat in the restaurant for 2+ hours talking about just about anything. (Yes, people can talk to each other . . . despite the sentiment expressed in this thread.)
My situation hasn't changed much. My wife and I hardly talk, hardly do anything together, and our interaction is usually argumentative and often unpleasant. Charlize is finally divorced and single, but things are equally awkward as she shares a house (still) and a child together with her ex-. (Yes, even though they are divorced, she lives on the top floor of their house, and he lives on the bottom). She had since gotten into (and ended) a bad relationship with someone at work . . . it's an incredibly uncomfortable situation as she has to work with the guy (and he was hooking up with their coworkers that she works with every day while they were allegedly exclusive).
We left the restaurant and went on a 5-mile walk to nowhere. We ended up at a mill on a riverbank with birds and flowers everywhere as the sun was setting. It was straight out of a cheesy Harlequin romance book. Things got really touchy feely, but we decided it would be best to go slow. Eventually we made it back to our cars, and the specter of going somewhere else came up, and we decided to call it a night. However, she said feel free to call her any time, day or night, and she will do whatever I want, wherever I want, whenever I want moving forward.
Since then, we communicate all day long. She texts me or calls me when she wakes up, when she has a break or gets out of work, and every night before she goes to bed. She literally just texted me while I was posting this to get together over the weekend. I know, I know, all this is crazy . . . even a blind man can see that I should RUN, not walk, away from this. I can't describe it any other way . . . she's my kryptonite.
Talk about a logistical nightmare. Among the myriad of problems here is yes, I know I should get divorced regardless, but my motivation would be Charlize. I have met or interacted with a countless number of women in 40+ years . . . while single, dating, or married. Very few of them moved me at all. Spending time and talking to Charlize is: 1) easy, 2) has no drama (while we are together), 3) feels completely natural and unforced, 4) and neither one of us has to worry about what we say being politically correct or saying the wrong thing. There is no way to describe the vibe or the dynamic. I don't even care if we start hooking up. It's just fun hanging out together. (Yes, I also realize this is headed down a one-way path there is no way to turn back.)
Anyway, for worse or worser, that's the update and where we are at. Aye, caramba. Feel free to throw daggers and nasty stares for commentary and feedback.
If you aren't seriously considering a divorce, you should at least consult with a good divorce attorney for advice before you do anything else with anyone else. Because if your wife has already proposed that she gets everything and you get nothing, and then she finds out you're cheating, her odds of getting everything just went way up.
