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What Is Happiness To You? - A Question From Wikkid (1 Viewer)

General Malaise

Poop Lord
I shared in another thread that our GB Wikkid reached out to me after one of my best friends died in a car wreck Memorial Day weekend.  He recognized that I was struggling and saw that I was having a tough time finding a therapist to help cope with grief and offered to help me until I did find a local pro.  

And I took him up on it because, well.....I was really at the end of my rope.  He let me know that he had a standard questionnaire that he would send me via email and told me to take all the time I needed with it.  I'm really glad I got it back to him before he passed.  It helped.

So - question 11 - "What is happiness to you"?

I'm re-reading my answer and I don't think it's very good.  I sound really pathetic.  I want a re-do.  And since he's not around to read the edited version, it's going here.

Happiness to me is making other people laugh.  Laughing with them when I do.  Happiness is watching my wife crack a smile because of me.  Smiles of hers aren't given out cheaply, so when I evoke one, it makes me happy.  Happiness is watching my children grow up and mature.  My son is home from college and we've spent quite a few nights sitting in the back yard listening to tunes and discussing life.  That swells my heart.  Happiness is cuddling with my dog in bed and taking him with me to play disc golf.  Hearing my cat purr at 6am after she nuzzles me awake from slumber, even though I'd prefer another 30 minutes of sleep.

Sitting on an innertube in a cold river on a hot day with a cold beer and just floating with the current.  Pure happiness.  Skipping rocks with my daughter and playing street hockey with my twins makes me happy, even though I never win.  

So I guess to summarize, happiness is just finding little joys in life and trying to string as many of those together as I can.  Family, friends, four legged creatures.  All provide me with happiness.

This has been General Malaise for a little self-help therapy with an assist from the legendary, Wikkidpissah.  

 

AAABatteries

Footballguy
I think you answer is great, GM.  And at the end of the day I think most of us would have a similar answer.  To love and be loved.

The only thing I’ll add is I do think there is an element of truth to “happiness is a choice”.  Not always but often and not everyone but most of us.  I was watching a video recently and I think it was about Stoicism- guy basically said, don’t worry about what isn’t in your control.  You can’t control what happens to you (in most cases) but you can control how you react to what happens to you.  Choose happiness.

 

General Malaise

Poop Lord
I think you answer is great, GM.  And at the end of the day I think most of us would have a similar answer.  To love and be loved.

The only thing I’ll add is I do think there is an element of truth to “happiness is a choice”.  Not always but often and not everyone but most of us.  I was watching a video recently and I think it was about Stoicism- guy basically said, don’t worry about what isn’t in your control.  You can’t control what happens to you (in most cases) but you can control how you react to what happens to you.  Choose happiness.
One day I'm going to learn how to be succinct. ;)

Probably learn how to do that after I learn how to walk a tight rope.

 
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rockaction

Footballguy
I'd like a try at answering the question. Happiness to me is working hard and selflessly and accomplishing something that brings everyone involved joy. It's not always easy or attainable, but thus it is. 

 
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General Malaise

Poop Lord
If you don't mind would you please post or pm me the questionnaire? 
I posted it in another thread and happy to post it here.  I think it's valuable and it really helped me a lot when I was at my lowest point I've been in years.  Ever?  

Forrest,

here's what i use to know how to approach you as a helper. take as much or as little time & space as you care to.

1. what part of the country do you live in? what part are you from?

2. if you would, give me some indication of the quality of your family life.

3. what's your general field of endeavour, workwise? do you like that field? would you change it if you could start over again?

4. veteran?

5. substance abuse problems, previous or current?

6.  do you have other artistic talents? committed hobbies? is there any art or hobby you would like to try that you haven't yet?

7. have you ever tried a relaxation technique or martial art?

8. besides family/love stuff, what is the thing - a painting, a song, a movie, an experience, a view of nature, whatever - that has moved you the most?

9. has there been any kind of incident in your life that you feel has scarred you forever? you don't have to tell me about it now if you don't want to, but i do need to know if there's been one.

10. if you don't mind, tell me what you can about your religious beliefs & habits.

11. what is happiness to you?

12.  how many psycho active medications are you on? do you take Ambien?

if you wanna just knock it out and we'll take it from there or if you wanna begin with a description of where you're at or some assessment of what the loss of your friend is doing to you, whatever. i dont have a style.

in most things, i go back to ancient philosopher Epictetus, who said 'We are not, cannot be, masters of what happens to us. We can be total masters of how we deal with what happens to us". i can help with that. til next

Dale

 

FairWarning

Footballguy
Making something better than before I started.  Sometimes sneaking out for one, just for sanity.  The beach always makes me happy, even though there is little Me time these days.

 

Hastur

Footballguy
Top 5 regrets of the dying:

1. I wish I'd have the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. (Every male patient) Felt they missed their children's youth and partners companionship. 

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.  Realized happiness was a choice.

You now have a  peak of yourself 20-30 years in the future.  Change your lifestyle accordingly.

 

kutta

Footballguy
I just went through a divorce after 29 years of marriage. I won’t go into details here, but I never realized I could experience the depth of sadness that I did. And I’ve come to realize that happiness and sadness are not opposites. I’m both very sad, but also happy. It’s weird.

So for me, happiness is truly finding my inner peace. Truly learning to be at peace with my decisions, and while accepting responsibility for actions, understanding that everything bad isn’t my fault.

I’ve never really focused on inner peace. But these last 6 months it’s almost all I’ve done. And I’m finding a much deeper sense  of who I am and deep sense of inner happiness because of it.

 

Joe Mammy

Footballguy
12. I wonder why Ambien was significant?  I had trouble sleeping awhile back and I took it for 2 years- it would knock me out every night within 15 minutes. When we moved about 8 years ago my new doc told me he thought Ambien was too addictive and would not prescribe it. I quit cold turkey.

Wikkid helped me way back when but it was more about uplifting my humor back to where it usually is when I was really down. He succeeded.

Thanks @General Malaise for sharing the list (again).

 

bigbottom

I put on my robe and wizard hat
I shared in another thread that our GB Wikkid reached out to me after one of my best friends died in a car wreck Memorial Day weekend.  He recognized that I was struggling and saw that I was having a tough time finding a therapist to help cope with grief and offered to help me until I did find a local pro.  

And I took him up on it because, well.....I was really at the end of my rope.  He let me know that he had a standard questionnaire that he would send me via email and told me to take all the time I needed with it.  I'm really glad I got it back to him before he passed.  It helped.

So - question 11 - "What is happiness to you"?

I'm re-reading my answer and I don't think it's very good.  I sound really pathetic.  I want a re-do.  And since he's not around to read the edited version, it's going here.

Happiness to me is making other people laugh.  Laughing with them when I do.  Happiness is watching my wife crack a smile because of me.  Smiles of hers aren't given out cheaply, so when I evoke one, it makes me happy.  Happiness is watching my children grow up and mature.  My son is home from college and we've spent quite a few nights sitting in the back yard listening to tunes and discussing life.  That swells my heart.  Happiness is cuddling with my dog in bed and taking him with me to play disc golf.  Hearing my cat purr at 6am after she nuzzles me awake from slumber, even though I'd prefer another 30 minutes of sleep.

Sitting on an innertube in a cold river on a hot day with a cold beer and just floating with the current.  Pure happiness.  Skipping rocks with my daughter and playing street hockey with my twins makes me happy, even though I never win.  

So I guess to summarize, happiness is just finding little joys in life and trying to string as many of those together as I can.  Family, friends, four legged creatures.  All provide me with happiness.

This has been General Malaise for a little self-help therapy with an assist from the legendary, Wikkidpissah.  
You have made me laugh many many times. Thank you so much for that, brother. 

 

simey

Footballguy
12. I wonder why Ambien was significant?  I had trouble sleeping awhile back and I took it for 2 years- it would knock me out every night within 15 minutes. When we moved about 8 years ago my new doc told me he thought Ambien was too addictive and would not prescribe it. I quit cold turkey.
Wikkid has said in the past that the system he uses to counsel people with doesn't work with Ambien users. He has weaned some people off of it before to help them. I'm surprised Ambien hasn't been removed from the market with all the bad side effects way too many people have experienced. 

 
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krista4

Footballguy
Heads up for anyone who has wikkid PMs they want to be sure to save:  https://forums.footballguys.com/topic/805276-please-read-big-change-for-the-forum-asking-for-your-grace-forum-offline-81/

 
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BeTheMatch

Let it burn!
Top 5 regrets of the dying:

1. I wish I'd have the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. (Every male patient) Felt they missed their children's youth and partners companionship.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. Realized happiness was a choice.

You now have a peak of yourself 20-30 years in the future. Change your lifestyle accordingly.
Is this an issue that I don't have any of these regrets??? Maybe 5 I'm not very good at, especially since 1-4 aren't a problem for me.
 

prosopis

Arizona Chupacabra
12. I wonder why Ambien was significant? I had trouble sleeping awhile back and I took it for 2 years- it would knock me out every night within 15 minutes. When we moved about 8 years ago my new doc told me he thought Ambien was too addictive and would not prescribe it. I quit cold turkey.

Wikkid helped me way back when but it was more about uplifting my humor back to where it usually is when I was really down. He succeeded.

Thanks @General Malaise for sharing the list (again).
I was taking Ambien when Dale started helping me. He explained why it was bad and pretty much told me I had to stop it. I will see if I can find the reason in our correspondence.
 

prosopis

Arizona Chupacabra
12. I wonder why Ambien was significant? I had trouble sleeping awhile back and I took it for 2 years- it would knock me out every night within 15 minutes. When we moved about 8 years ago my new doc told me he thought Ambien was too addictive and would not prescribe it. I quit cold turkey.

Wikkid helped me way back when but it was more about uplifting my humor back to where it usually is when I was really down. He succeeded.

Thanks @General Malaise for sharing the list (again).
I was taking Ambien when Dale started helping me. He explained why it was bad and pretty much told me I had to stop it. I will see if I can find the reason in our correspondence.
I found this from Wikkid regarding Ambien:

First thing we gotta do, though, is deal with that insomnia. Talk about crossing wires - Ambien and the others you've tried could be 99% of that sinkhole you've developed inside. Have you tried relaxation methods for sleep? Don't change right away - you don't need more panic - but I think you might have to go to something else. Reason is that Ambien's trick, the thing that causes that quick drop, blocks things in your brain that are half the reason we need sleep in the first place and could be the force behind that horrorshow feeling you get.
 

Mrs. Rannous

Footballguy
12. I wonder why Ambien was significant? I had trouble sleeping awhile back and I took it for 2 years- it would knock me out every night within 15 minutes. When we moved about 8 years ago my new doc told me he thought Ambien was too addictive and would not prescribe it. I quit cold turkey.

Wikkid helped me way back when but it was more about uplifting my humor back to where it usually is when I was really down. He succeeded.

Thanks @General Malaise for sharing the list (again).
I was taking Ambien when Dale started helping me. He explained why it was bad and pretty much told me I had to stop it. I will see if I can find the reason in our correspondence.
I found this from Wikkid regarding Ambien:

First thing we gotta do, though, is deal with that insomnia. Talk about crossing wires - Ambien and the others you've tried could be 99% of that sinkhole you've developed inside. Have you tried relaxation methods for sleep? Don't change right away - you don't need more panic - but I think you might have to go to something else. Reason is that Ambien's trick, the thing that causes that quick drop, blocks things in your brain that are half the reason we need sleep in the first place and could be the force behind that horrorshow feeling you get.
Gotta go with Wikkid on this. As far as I can tell, Ambien does the opposite of help. And it seems to get worse over time. No bueno.
 

Bogart

Footballguy
The fact that I can't answer the question easily makes me frustrated, angry, depressed and sad, but is also an eye opener. I have two teenage kids and they are amazing humans, and I take huge joy and happiness on all of their wins during their life journey. Some here know, I probably overshare every little victory with them, but outside of that, it's tough sledding.

In the process of making some big changes that at 47 years old, would probably be considered mid-life crisis type things, but I do think it will be the start of something more positive.

I appreciate @General Malaise asking the question to start the thinking.
 

AAABatteries

Footballguy
Couple of thoughts about this that I've been mulling over lately.

I'm a pretty firm believer that happiness is/can be a conscious choice and that you are in control of it, I also think it's undeniable that others play a huge part in happiness for most people. In particular, your spouse/SO is such a huge component of this for those in relationships. It's really vital to select someone that aligns with you well. Don't settle, don't undervalue having someone who shares your values, enjoys the things you do, makes you laugh, etc. And then work at it. I make a lot of jokes at my wife's expense around here for the LOLs but I'm a very lucky man - my wife is fantastic in almost all ways that matter.

On the flip side of this - you can be happy despite what others do - do all the right things. If you have to get out of certain relationships, do it. If things are rough - work on them; vow to be better and help bring that person along with you. Won't always work, won't be easy but in almost all cases it will be worthwhile.
 

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