Why Do So Many Men Tolerate Having a Crappy Sex Life? (1 Viewer)

[SIDA!]

I think the part of this debate the infuriates me the most is that it seems like this need for a man is trivialized, mocked or denigrated in some capacity. It is almost as if when a guy expresses the importance of this need in a relationship, it is portrayed as being shallow/superficial, etc. Why is this?

You seem angry

Thank you for your contribution to this discussion.

Oh, you are having a discussion and not an attempt at a misogynistic support group?

Carry on, then

You are an odd person. You suggest I am an angry person in one comment and then suggest I am misogynistic in the next.

Underneath your avatar it says you are a male, but I wonder if you are the female FBGer that emailed Scoresman.

Please identify something within my original point that you consider misogynistic?

 

[Ditka Butkus]

It worked/works for me because:

1) I laid it out for her. If sex wasn't that important to her....then why would she hold my feet to the fire if, her not being interested, I looked elsewhere to get my nut off. I said that the attitudes of many American, married women was very hypocritical. She agreed, which let to:

2) The discussion about sex after children/family raising. To that, I said that I didn't marry her solely for her child creating/raising abilitites and I still liked to think of her as that 21 year girl that I sexually fell in love with. She agreed on that point as well.....which let to.

3) Me starting to bang her like Wesley Pipes banged chicks. Do yourself a favor. Start doing this. Lay it on her....beat that ##### up.....get scandalous up in her.....make her keep her ### in the air.....get a snarl on your face while you say "yeah....that's right....take it all". Wear shoes, a backwards hat and nothing else when engaged in coitus. Tell her if she doesn't get that leg up your going to get Shorty Mac in there to help out from the other side. Works wonders. I'm dead serious.

:wipestear: That was beautiful, man.

I think if I came in wearing shoes and my hat backwards i would be sent packing. Packing my own pud.

 

[SIDA!]

I wanted to offer another perspective....

I would not say we are staying together for the kids as much as the kids keep us together.

Our girls are 8 & 10. We have school, homework , lunches to be made, friends over, school activities, ballet, tap , basketball and gymnastics.

Getting a divorce at this time would simply exacerbate an already taxing situation. We have a hard enough time keeping everything straight as it is. Now you wanna add financial stress, moving to a ####hole , all the extra driving , not seeing the kids, worrying about some psychopath dating your ex and mistreating your kids or worse. Is that dude gonna run out at 2AM when your kid wakes up with a fever and you're out of medicine?

The wife and I are actually in a pretty good place right now. We've learned to get along without fighting. It is by no means great or even good, but it's better.

At this moment in my life I choose to postpone those talks until the kids are far more independent. The only real reason for us to get a divorce is so we can date others. The kids are the priority and come first. Their wellbeing and early path into life is my happiness.

Interesting take. Thank you for sharing that.

I hope I am not being insensitive or inappropriate with the following. I am sure you love your kids and can't think of life without them. But, if you could go back in time and realize that your future would be this way...would you do it all again?

proninja - I am in my late 30s.

 

[SIDA!]

The answer can be pretty simple. A great relationship/marriage does not require a great sex life.

There is truth to this. My wife and I have a somewhat sporadic sex life, but we both seem content with it. We'll have sex a few times within in a couple days and then we will often go a few months without any activity. I am sure this might be described as "crappy" by many around here, but it works for us. We are busy with other aspects of life...kids, work, etc. Maybe those things contribute to a lower than normal sex drive. We love each other. We are happy. We make time for each other, but that doesn't necessarily mean sex.

Country Boy, I don't think anyone here is looking to judge anyone. Your sex life isn't crappy at all, if it works for you and your partner. The fact that both of you are content with it sounds like a successful, happy sex life to me.

 

[Binky The Doormat]

I could never stay in a relationship that had horrible sex or very little of it. I am a bit alpha though

lol at "a bit" alpha

Code for "aggressive bottom"

 

[SIDA!]

The unpopular but real answer: sex isn't everything in life.

Sex is obviously not everything otherwise there would be no point in asking why so many men tolerate having a crappy sex life. I don't think that expecting and desiring to have an exciting and fulfilling sex life means individuals are putting outsized importance or significance on this aspect of a relationship.

I think there is some truth to your answer if only because so many men put up with having such a lackluster sex life that it loses its significance or importance. If you were forced to eat slop every meal, the enjoyment you get from eating and tasting delicious food would probably not be "all that" anymore, either. Meanwhile, the guy who is getting the filet mignon, lobster and other assorted goodies on a nightly basis would look at you and say you are crazy.

Are there some men who are asexual or generally do not have a high libido...absolutely.

 

[thayman]

The unpopular but real answer: sex isn't everything in life.

Sex is obviously not everything otherwise there would be no point in asking why so many men tolerate having a crappy sex life. I don't think that expecting and desiring to have an exciting and fulfilling sex life means individuals are putting outsized importance or significance on this aspect of a relationship.

I think there is some truth to your answer if only because so many men put up with having such a lackluster sex life that it loses its significance or importance. If you were forced to eat slop every meal, the enjoyment you get from eating and tasting delicious food would probably not be "all that" anymore, either. Meanwhile, the guy who is getting the filet mignon, lobster and other assorted goodies on a nightly basis would look at you and say you are crazy.

Are there some men who are asexual or generally do not have a high libido...absolutely.

I think you could replace "Crappy Sex Life" with "Having your needs met". It just so happens that the main/only need most men require is getting off.

 

[Insein]

I still plow my wife pretty regularly

Not sure what regularly means for you. How often? And since you obviously sound content with the sexual aspect of your relationship, why do you think you have been able to achieve this success (I am assuming that you are both happy sexually).

Couple times a week. Have 3 kids so certainly not an every day thing, but I rarely get shot downIt helps that she likes the sex

That's also a big part of it. My wife was never big on it even when we were young but now its like an oasis in the desert when it happens. And Blue dot? I don't even know what those are. Its been about 15 years for one of those.

 

[popsecret]

Sex isn't everything, but there is no reason not to have great sex and whatever else you want. Need to stop thinking like a beta

 

[prosopis]

We have always done well here until very recently. My wife and myself are in our late 40's and I think she may be going through the change. I am hoping once we have insurance she can get on hormone pills/patch or what ever women do at this time and we can return to our regular programming.

 

[Papa Georgio]

I only browsed the replies but my own testimonial is that all relationships are flawed. My current marriage is amazing when it comes to our sex life, like 17 year old school age level active. However my 1st marriage was just the opposite. I was miserable and unhappy with almost all aspects of our life together, so I got a divorce wanting a better life. What I got was kids that now live half way across the state and a new wife with an entirely different set of issues to deal with. I only exchanged problems. Why do that? Why run the risk of some scum bag step dad coming into your kids life or them moving away just so you can re-marry and take on new problems?

My current marriage is 10 times more happy on a daily basis. In a bigger sense I am not better off. I used to have little deaths every day, now it's a big death about every year or so.

 

[PIK95]

Pretty good. Pretty, pretty good. I'm a lucky guy.

 

[Tom Servo]

The unpopular but real answer: sex isn't everything in life.

This.

 

[CletiusMaximus]

I often feel like as long as I am getting good sex on the regular with a weekly hummer or so, then I am pretty cool with about anything else that happens in the household (within reason). Guys can overlook a lot of things they might not otherwise like as long as the sex is good.

I was willing to accept this compromise when I was younger, but as I got older and more invested in my home and family, the math turned upside down. It's much easier for me to be less satisfied sexually than to have any form of crazy or lazy in my household.

 

[Green and Gold]

Sex isn't everything, but there is no reason not to have great sex and whatever else you want. Need to stop thinking like a beta

Please tell us more pack leader.

 

[Jayrok]

Well, marriage is all about give and.. give.

 

[SeveredHorseHeads]

How old are you, sida?

 

[comfortably numb]

How old are you, sida?

Post #53

He is in his late 30's

 

[Sabertooth]

I think the biggest things are basically people are lazy and or dishonest with themselves or their spouse.

Nobody wants to put in the work. Guys don't and girls don't.

Who wants to go to the gym 5 times a week and work extra hours to make money to pay for #### you don't need but she won't stop buying? What kind of ####### are you, this stuff is for the kiddddddssss!!!!

Who wants to sit their wife down and tell her that we are house poor because she absolutely needed this big house to be haaaaaappy and now there isn't any money to go to Disney and or New York with her friends? There isn't even enough money to cover all the bills anymore.

Who wants to hear from their wife that they are fat and gross, so she doesn't have any interest in ####### you? Also you used to play competitive hockey and were hot, and now you won't even stick up for yourself when she starts #####ing about you playing video games all the time.

Conversely, who wants to sit their wife down and tell her that she's put on 50 lbs and isn't attractive to you most of the time? She used to be smoking hot, but now she's just a fatter Peg Bundy with a Marcy Darcy haircut.

Who wants to eat good healthy food when fast food is your one remaining vice? It tastes so good that it's basically the only real joy you will get out of the day, right?

Who wants to put all the time required in to raise kids when it's easier to play candy crush and ##### about the school system? Also much easier to find waaaaayyyy worse parents than you.

Who wants to get turned down 90% of the time when you can just walk right past the bedroom and head down to the den and jerk off to any number of totally willing and eager digital women? And they don't ever disappoint do they? Redeheads, milfs, college chicks, secretaries, marti gras, blonde brunettes, spinners, anything you want. And they are all hotter than your lazy ### wife who is upstairs watching the Kardashians and eating ice cream.

 

[James Daulton]

The unpopular but real answer: sex isn't everything in life.

This.

That's extremely easy to say when you've been married for a long time. If for whatever reason you found yourself single and found a new chick, I'd bet large money that you'd be banging like you did when you were a teenager. You'd say sex is a super fun and important part of life.

As we get older and more familiar with our wives, sex can lose the wow factor and we get lazy. For those of you who've basically put your sex lives aside, I really think you need to step back and think what's going to be a fonder memory when you're 70, reading that book, or having that really close and intimate feeling that you can really only get when you're having sex with someone you deeply care about.

Eat healthy, move, lose some weight, start caring about yourself and I bet your sex drive will start kicking in again.

 

[(HULK)]

How about this:

There are a whole bunch of things that can make a woman a "good/great" wife.

Most men look to find a woman with as many of these qualities as possible. But we all know that there is no such thing as the perfect woman.

In no particular order:

• Looks
• Makes money
• Good mom
• Body
• Healthy sex drive
• Good cook
• Great personality/Not a ballbuster
• Not materialistic
• Not batcrap crazy
• Doesn't blow money
• Fun to be with
• etc

I guess eventually many guys will settle for only a few of those still being true after several years of marriage.

This thread is making me feel pretty lucky w/ my wife. She hits all of these except 1, she's a total ballbuster. Drives me nuts anyways though.

 

[Ditka Butkus]

The unpopular but real answer: sex isn't everything in life.

blasphemer!...you should have your tongue cut out.

 

[comfortably numb]

The unpopular but real answer: sex isn't everything in life.

blasphemer!...you should have your tongue penis cut out.

fixed

 

[Peak]

I think the biggest things are basically people are lazy and or dishonest with themselves or their spouse.

Nobody wants to put in the work. Guys don't and girls don't.

I agree with this completely. While not every example listed mirrors my life, some do. There is a lack of communication in our relationship which has killed us over the years. Neither one of us tries anymore. Our focus is on our kids and that alone. When we talk, its about the kids. I have offered to work with her to fix the relationship, but she isn't interested in doing anything. Needless to say, our physical relationship is completely out the window. Our emotional relationship is in the toilet. There are threats of divorce, but we both realize that we won't be able to give our kids a stable life if we separate. So we stay where we are; both unhappy and in our own space. I haven't cheated, nor would I consider it. But I have also taken on the aspect of no matter how much I try, she hasn't reciprocated on her end with any effort. It's been an uphill battle for many years and I'm getting too tired to continue on.

 

[(HULK)]

One thing that "blows" me away even with a few friends of mine is when they complain about that their wives do not give head. First of all I would never date a girl that did not give head let alone marry one.

Pretty sure they gave it when they were dating and then they stopped.

My wife and I get it on plenty still, but the head up and vanished like a fart in the wind. Once in a blue moon basically.

 

[Brony]

In my 20's, I didn't quite get Al Bundy. In my early 40's, now I do.

 

[Lutherman2112]

We have always done well here until very recently. My wife and myself are in our late 40's and I think she may be going through the change. I am hoping once we have insurance she can get on hormone pills/patch or what ever women do at this time and we can return to our regular programming.

My wife is going through the change. A couple of years ago she went to her doctor complaining about unusual menstrual cycles; she was diagnosed later as perimenopausal. Didn't affect our sex life until sex became painful for her. Turns out, she has endometriosis.

She has gone the hormone therapy since then, but the endometriosis is getting worse. She is scheduled to undergo endometrial ablation in a few weeks; also taking care of a small hernia at the same time.

Sex life has definitely changed over the past couple of years. I appreciate her handies and head, but I feel kinda selfish as the only one that orgasms...even clitorial stimulation that leads her to orgasm is painful due to uterine contractions.

It's going to take time, but both of us look forward to a "normal" sex life.

Good luck to you and your wife...I hope she has an easier time with the change.

 

[JFT Ben]

Not sure where exactly you're trying to take us SIDA, but this topic is one I've thought about, written about, and learned about a lot over the last five years. I've been with my wife 16 years, married 13 now, two kids. We were on the roommate track, sex life boring. I was not satisfied and harbored resentment. Then I turned things around. Essentially, I had gotten complacent and like Sabertooth said, lazy. Like someone else said, most men don't need much to be happy on the home front, so go with the flow. Who cares what's for dinner, we'd eat anything. Who cares what we do this weekend, we're down for anything. As a result, there's a vacuum in the leadership at home that usually gets filled by the wife, especially if there are kids. Often, the man is just another responsibility to attend to, or mouth to feed. So even if you don't care about that stuff, plotting a course and directing the family as a leader does start to set a dynamic that leads to respect, and subsequently, lays the foundation for a better love life. Start to add in other stuff like being healthy, taking care of yourself, exercising, having hobbies, and improving yourself for your own happiness often starts to rub off on how your wife starts to view you. At least this has been my experience. My own marriage and sex life is much better than it was, but it took awhile to get there and we had some bumps along the way as we were reestablishing the norm.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

I think the biggest things are basically people are lazy and or dishonest with themselves or their spouse.

Nobody wants to put in the work. Guys don't and girls don't.

I agree with this completely. While not every example listed mirrors my life, some do. There is a lack of communication in our relationship which has killed us over the years. Neither one of us tries anymore. Our focus is on our kids and that alone. When we talk, its about the kids. I have offered to work with her to fix the relationship, but she isn't interested in doing anything. Needless to say, our physical relationship is completely out the window. Our emotional relationship is in the toilet. There are threats of divorce, but we both realize that we won't be able to give our kids a stable life if we separate. So we stay where we are; both unhappy and in our own space. I haven't cheated, nor would I consider it. But I have also taken on the aspect of no matter how much I try, she hasn't reciprocated on her end with any effort. It's been an uphill battle for many years and I'm getting too tired to continue on.

This is us.

 

[Yankee23Fan]

I'm pretty sure any comments I make will be deemed mysoginistic and sexist as well as I have said my peace on this before.

 

[Tom Servo]

The unpopular but real answer: sex isn't everything in life.

This.

That's extremely easy to say when you've been married for a long time. If for whatever reason you found yourself single and found a new chick, I'd bet large money that you'd be banging like you did when you were a teenager. You'd say sex is a super fun and important part of life.

As we get older and more familiar with our wives, sex can lose the wow factor and we get lazy. For those of you who've basically put your sex lives aside, I really think you need to step back and think what's going to be a fonder memory when you're 70, reading that book, or having that really close and intimate feeling that you can really only get when you're having sex with someone you deeply care about.

Eat healthy, move, lose some weight, start caring about yourself and I bet your sex drive will start kicking in again.

Some of us don't live in the pursuit of getting laid. When it happens, I love it. If it doesn't...eh. If giving up sexy time to help my wife deal with something in her life, to discuss things that matter between us and getting to know each other better, then I'll do it.

PRO TIP: Intimacy ends in the bedroom; it doesn't start there.

I'm going to a funeral today for a guy from church I admired. Were I to bring him back and asked him about what he enjoyed about life, I very seriously doubt that sex would crack the top 5 of things from his 81 year life that mattered to him. He would talk about loving the Lord, serving at the church, loving his wife and helping to raise their 4 boys, and tractors.

So, no, I don't buy your premise...at all.

 

[comfortably numb]

We have always done well here until very recently. My wife and myself are in our late 40's and I think she may be going through the change. I am hoping once we have insurance she can get on hormone pills/patch or what ever women do at this time and we can return to our regular programming.

My wife is going through the change. A couple of years ago she went to her doctor complaining about unusual menstrual cycles; she was diagnosed later as perimenopausal. Didn't affect our sex life until sex became painful for her. Turns out, she has endometriosis.

She has gone the hormone therapy since then, but the endometriosis is getting worse. She is scheduled to undergo endometrial ablation in a few weeks; also taking care of a small hernia at the same time.

Sex life has definitely changed over the past couple of years. I appreciate her handies and head, but I feel kinda selfish as the only one that orgasms...even clitorial stimulation that leads her to orgasm is painful due to uterine contractions.

It's going to take time, but both of us look forward to a "normal" sex life.

Good luck to you and your wife...I hope she has an easier time with the change.

Would anal be less painful?

What?

I can't be the only one that was thinking this?

 

[Guest]

We had some rough patches, but the sex life with the ex was actually pretty good. For sure not in the top 3 reasons we broke up.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

SIDA, we've had similar discussions repeatedly in the My wife, she's ... overweight thread. I don't think there's a great answer, some of the folks in this thread have done pretty well breaking it down. Personally, at this point for me it's really all about the kids. I do feel pretty trapped right now. I anticipate divorce some time in my future, it just doesn't feel like the right time yet.

 

[James Daulton]

The unpopular but real answer: sex isn't everything in life.

This.

That's extremely easy to say when you've been married for a long time. If for whatever reason you found yourself single and found a new chick, I'd bet large money that you'd be banging like you did when you were a teenager. You'd say sex is a super fun and important part of life.

As we get older and more familiar with our wives, sex can lose the wow factor and we get lazy. For those of you who've basically put your sex lives aside, I really think you need to step back and think what's going to be a fonder memory when you're 70, reading that book, or having that really close and intimate feeling that you can really only get when you're having sex with someone you deeply care about.

Eat healthy, move, lose some weight, start caring about yourself and I bet your sex drive will start kicking in again.

Some of us don't live in the pursuit of getting laid. When it happens, I love it. If it doesn't...eh. If giving up sexy time to help my wife deal with something in her life, to discuss things that matter between us and getting to know each other better, then I'll do it.

PRO TIP: Intimacy ends in the bedroom; it doesn't start there.

I'm going to a funeral today for a guy from church I admired. Were I to bring him back and asked him about what he enjoyed about life, I very seriously doubt that sex would crack the top 5 of things from his 81 year life that mattered to him. He would talk about loving the Lord, serving at the church, loving his wife and helping to raise their 4 boys, and tractors.

So, no, I don't buy your premise...at all.

Really? You don't think a healthy sex life with his wife enhanced the loving part?

Why are erectile dysfunction drugs so popular that we see endless commercials for them? Because sex isn't an important part of life?

You may not buy my premise, but you spend the evening reading your book, I'll spend the evening being intimate with the most important person in the world to me, and we'll see who feels more happy, alive, and content at the end of the night.

 

[glock]

I think the biggest things are basically people are lazy and or dishonest with themselves or their spouse.

Nobody wants to put in the work. Guys don't and girls don't.

Who wants to go to the gym 5 times a week and work extra hours to make money to pay for #### you don't need but she won't stop buying? What kind of ####### are you, this stuff is for the kiddddddssss!!!!

Who wants to sit their wife down and tell her that we are house poor because she absolutely needed this big house to be haaaaaappy and now there isn't any money to go to Disney and or New York with her friends? There isn't even enough money to cover all the bills anymore.

Who wants to hear from their wife that they are fat and gross, so she doesn't have any interest in ####### you? Also you used to play competitive hockey and were hot, and now you won't even stick up for yourself when she starts #####ing about you playing video games all the time.

Conversely, who wants to sit their wife down and tell her that she's put on 50 lbs and isn't attractive to you most of the time? She used to be smoking hot, but now she's just a fatter Peg Bundy with a Marcy Darcy haircut.

Who wants to eat good healthy food when fast food is your one remaining vice? It tastes so good that it's basically the only real joy you will get out of the day, right?

Who wants to put all the time required in to raise kids when it's easier to play candy crush and ##### about the school system? Also much easier to find waaaaayyyy worse parents than you.

Who wants to get turned down 90% of the time when you can just walk right past the bedroom and head down to the den and jerk off to any number of totally willing and eager digital women? And they don't ever disappoint do they? Redeheads, milfs, college chicks, secretaries, marti gras, blonde brunettes, spinners, anything you want. And they are all hotter than your lazy ### wife who is upstairs watching the Kardashians and eating ice cream.

:tailpipe:

 

[Lutherman2112]

We have always done well here until very recently. My wife and myself are in our late 40's and I think she may be going through the change. I am hoping once we have insurance she can get on hormone pills/patch or what ever women do at this time and we can return to our regular programming.

My wife is going through the change. A couple of years ago she went to her doctor complaining about unusual menstrual cycles; she was diagnosed later as perimenopausal. Didn't affect our sex life until sex became painful for her. Turns out, she has endometriosis.

She has gone the hormone therapy since then, but the endometriosis is getting worse. She is scheduled to undergo endometrial ablation in a few weeks; also taking care of a small hernia at the same time.

Sex life has definitely changed over the past couple of years. I appreciate her handies and head, but I feel kinda selfish as the only one that orgasms...even clitorial stimulation that leads her to orgasm is painful due to uterine contractions.

It's going to take time, but both of us look forward to a "normal" sex life.

Good luck to you and your wife...I hope she has an easier time with the change.

Would anal be less painful?

What?

I can't be the only one that was thinking this?

Anal wasn't a huge part of our repertoire before the change, and we tried it as a work around. She still encountered pain from orgasm.

 

[fantasycurse42]

Maybe I'm in a different boat then some of you bc I'm only turning 32, but the wife and I have been together going on almost 8 years... So while we have youth, we also have been together for a while. Our sex life never suffered at all for the first 5 years, then she got pregnant and we started hitting peaks and valleys. With a kid in the apartment (small, about 1,100 square feet) it can be challenging. During any dry patches we have had over the last two years, it usually is an underlying emotional issue with my wife. She occasionally suffers from postpartum depression and needs support, and when successfully done it brings us right back to happy fun time place. I think the longest we have gone during a bad patch is 2 maybe 3 weeks. I always collect a blue dot when Aunt Flow comes to town too. She hasn't had any issues over the last 6-8 months and life has gone on as normal, although with a growing toddler in a small apartment, we are limited to when and how.

I really feel that being supportive in negative situations has a great impact on the sex life, so IMO it does come full circle with emotional/physical.

My wife has a good friend with a son the same age as mine, similar living situation to ours too. She told my wife that she doesn't really like sex and never has. She is about 35 and her husband is prob 40ish. She and her hubby do it maybe once a month and he hasn't collected a blue dot in 5 years. I struggle to not feel bad for this guy when I see him knowing he never receives and rarely gets laid, that is now way to live IMO. His wife is pretty hot too.

On another note, I got home around midnight last night after being away for four days and we went at it like porn stars

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

The unpopular but real answer: sex isn't everything in life.

This.

That's extremely easy to say when you've been married for a long time. If for whatever reason you found yourself single and found a new chick, I'd bet large money that you'd be banging like you did when you were a teenager. You'd say sex is a super fun and important part of life.

As we get older and more familiar with our wives, sex can lose the wow factor and we get lazy. For those of you who've basically put your sex lives aside, I really think you need to step back and think what's going to be a fonder memory when you're 70, reading that book, or having that really close and intimate feeling that you can really only get when you're having sex with someone you deeply care about.

Eat healthy, move, lose some weight, start caring about yourself and I bet your sex drive will start kicking in again.

Some of us don't live in the pursuit of getting laid. When it happens, I love it. If it doesn't...eh. If giving up sexy time to help my wife deal with something in her life, to discuss things that matter between us and getting to know each other better, then I'll do it. PRO TIP: Intimacy ends in the bedroom; it doesn't start there.

I'm going to a funeral today for a guy from church I admired. Were I to bring him back and asked him about what he enjoyed about life, I very seriously doubt that sex would crack the top 5 of things from his 81 year life that mattered to him. He would talk about loving the Lord, serving at the church, loving his wife and helping to raise their 4 boys, and tractors.

So, no, I don't buy your premise...at all.

Really? You don't think a healthy sex life with his wife enhanced the loving part?

Why are erectile dysfunction drugs so popular that we see endless commercials for them? Because sex isn't an important part of life?

You may not buy my premise, but you spend the evening reading your book, I'll spend the evening being intimate with the most important person in the world to me, and we'll see who feels more happy, alive, and content at the end of the night.

I'm with you to some extent but are you factoring young children into your stance?

 

[James Daulton]

The unpopular but real answer: sex isn't everything in life.

This.

That's extremely easy to say when you've been married for a long time. If for whatever reason you found yourself single and found a new chick, I'd bet large money that you'd be banging like you did when you were a teenager. You'd say sex is a super fun and important part of life.

As we get older and more familiar with our wives, sex can lose the wow factor and we get lazy. For those of you who've basically put your sex lives aside, I really think you need to step back and think what's going to be a fonder memory when you're 70, reading that book, or having that really close and intimate feeling that you can really only get when you're having sex with someone you deeply care about.

Eat healthy, move, lose some weight, start caring about yourself and I bet your sex drive will start kicking in again.

Some of us don't live in the pursuit of getting laid. When it happens, I love it. If it doesn't...eh. If giving up sexy time to help my wife deal with something in her life, to discuss things that matter between us and getting to know each other better, then I'll do it. PRO TIP: Intimacy ends in the bedroom; it doesn't start there.

I'm going to a funeral today for a guy from church I admired. Were I to bring him back and asked him about what he enjoyed about life, I very seriously doubt that sex would crack the top 5 of things from his 81 year life that mattered to him. He would talk about loving the Lord, serving at the church, loving his wife and helping to raise their 4 boys, and tractors.

So, no, I don't buy your premise...at all.

Really? You don't think a healthy sex life with his wife enhanced the loving part?

Why are erectile dysfunction drugs so popular that we see endless commercials for them? Because sex isn't an important part of life?

You may not buy my premise, but you spend the evening reading your book, I'll spend the evening being intimate with the most important person in the world to me, and we'll see who feels more happy, alive, and content at the end of the night.

I'm with you to some extent but are you factoring young children into your stance?

Sure. I'm not saying that everyone has the time/energy to have sex multiple times per week, but it should be frequent enough that it remains something special you both look forward to.

 

[mr roboto]

This is why my wife and I are committed to not letting the kids run the household. They are our priority from 7am-8pm. Then bedtime, then our time. 2 hours every night.

The kids (6 and 4) know that mom and dad go on dates. That we have conversations over coffee together on a weekend morning and the kids need to go play somewhere else. That they are in bed by 8 and are not to wake us before 6:30.

Too many families revolve around the kids. Again, kids are the priority FOR THE TIME BEING. But they aren't the most important aspect of the family. They should be nurtured and raised to respect and admire the relationship mom and dad have.

 

[glock]

We have always done well here until very recently. My wife and myself are in our late 40's and I think she may be going through the change. I am hoping once we have insurance she can get on hormone pills/patch or what ever women do at this time and we can return to our regular programming.

My wife is going through the change. A couple of years ago she went to her doctor complaining about unusual menstrual cycles; she was diagnosed later as perimenopausal. Didn't affect our sex life until sex became painful for her. Turns out, she has endometriosis.

She has gone the hormone therapy since then, but the endometriosis is getting worse. She is scheduled to undergo endometrial ablation in a few weeks; also taking care of a small hernia at the same time.

Sex life has definitely changed over the past couple of years. I appreciate her handies and head, but I feel kinda selfish as the only one that orgasms...even clitorial stimulation that leads her to orgasm is painful due to uterine contractions.

It's going to take time, but both of us look forward to a "normal" sex life.

Good luck to you and your wife...I hope she has an easier time with the change.

I'm going to drop into this thread here. First off, the Mrs and I are both into our late 50's. Second marriages for both, her a widow. I brought a young son into our relationship from a badly dysfunctional marriage that simply shouldn't have happened. We have two son's together. All three are great kids.

Sex early on was crazy, but looking back I was an amateur. As life grew more complicated- visitation issues, kids issues, work issues, health issues- sex began to take a back seat. She had a history of fibroids and sex just didn't feel good for her. Months between. Communication suffered as intimacy lessened. Depression and meds. Walls went up.

Fast forward through several years of trying to hold onto our friendship/marriage, focusing on the kids, not making new friends, very little social life save for extended family... to her doctor and her determining that a hysterectomy might be very good idea. She was afraid of losing her "female-ness" and having hormone issues, but after she did it our lives changed considerably- and for the better! She flat out states that it was one of the best things she has ever done, and only wishes she had done it earlier. The fibroid mass removed along with her uterus- left the ovaries/tubes and cervix intact- was the size of a grapefruit. Sex actually wasn't uncomfortable anymore!

Add to that- and you guys can chuckle all you want- the 50 Shades Factor. She read the books as I rolled my eyes, and then gave me the first one to read. In there she "discovered" that a woman claiming to not "want it" but "doing it" because it is her wifely duty , takes her psyche off the hook. She is "allowed" to be a bad girl because, well it isn't up to her. I'm "making" her be "naughty." Where I used to almost always be the one to initiate sex, she now lets me know she is feeling frisky by "preparing"...

A mind #### of sorts, right? I'm not going to argue as long as it isn't just my mind getting the action. And this renewed connection/intimacy has worked wonders for me mentally AND physically... (Did I say I was 57?)

 

[James Daulton]

We have always done well here until very recently. My wife and myself are in our late 40's and I think she may be going through the change. I am hoping once we have insurance she can get on hormone pills/patch or what ever women do at this time and we can return to our regular programming.

My wife is going through the change. A couple of years ago she went to her doctor complaining about unusual menstrual cycles; she was diagnosed later as perimenopausal. Didn't affect our sex life until sex became painful for her. Turns out, she has endometriosis.

She has gone the hormone therapy since then, but the endometriosis is getting worse. She is scheduled to undergo endometrial ablation in a few weeks; also taking care of a small hernia at the same time.

Sex life has definitely changed over the past couple of years. I appreciate her handies and head, but I feel kinda selfish as the only one that orgasms...even clitorial stimulation that leads her to orgasm is painful due to uterine contractions.

It's going to take time, but both of us look forward to a "normal" sex life.

Good luck to you and your wife...I hope she has an easier time with the change.

I'm going to drop into this thread here. First off, the Mrs and I are both into our late 50's. Second marriages for both, her a widow. I brought a young son into our relationship from a badly dysfunctional marriage that simply shouldn't have happened. We have two son's together. All three are great kids.

Sex early on was crazy, but looking back I was an amateur. As life grew more complicated- visitation issues, kids issues, work issues, health issues- sex began to take a back seat. She had a history of fibroids and sex just didn't feel good for her. Months between. Communication suffered as intimacy lessened. Depression and meds. Walls went up.

Fast forward through several years of trying to hold onto our friendship/marriage, focusing on the kids, not making new friends, very little social life save for extended family... to her doctor and her determining that a hysterectomy might be very good idea. She was afraid of losing her "female-ness" and having hormone issues, but after she did it our lives changed considerably- and for the better! She flat out states that it was one of the best things she has ever done, and only wishes she had done it earlier. The fibroid mass removed along with her uterus- left the ovaries/tubes and cervix intact- was the size of a grapefruit. Sex actually wasn't uncomfortable anymore!

Add to that- and you guys can chuckle all you want- the 50 Shades Factor. She read the books as I rolled my eyes, and then gave me the first one to read. In there she "discovered" that a woman claiming to not "want it" but "doing it" because it is her wifely duty , takes her psyche off the hook. She is "allowed" to be a bad girl because, well it isn't up to her. I'm "making" her be "naughty." Where I used to almost always be the one to initiate sex, she now lets me know she is feeling frisky by "preparing"...

A mind #### of sorts, right? I'm not going to argue as long as it isn't just my mind getting the action. And this renewed connection/intimacy has worked wonders for me mentally AND physically... (Did I say I was 57?)

So what you're saying is that while your love for your wife hasn't changed, your overall happiness with life (and hers too) is improved because of this renewed interest in sex?

(even at your advanced age)

 

[3 hour lunch]

Lots of good points already made in this thread. Work, activities with the kids and everything else just make it difficult at times. We got to a point where it was once a week and I finally just flat out told her that it wasn't enough. I always thought it was old fashioned or strange to have a set 'night'; but we decided to give Wednesday/Saturday a try. I actually like the way it's turned out. On some random Tuesday I can go play PS3 or something as opposed to looking at her falling asleep on the couch and wondering if I should ask about it. For us, it turned out to be fun instead of feeling rigid/scheduled. For the guys who don't get head anymore, do you ask? Do you offer? Everybody is different, but I think a lot of guys just give up easily. Tell her she looks nice, grab flowers once in a while, etc. Figure out a night at a hotel. I don't think it's shallow to keep that kind of fun as a semi-priority, even after being married for quite a while.

 

[glock]

We have always done well here until very recently. My wife and myself are in our late 40's and I think she may be going through the change. I am hoping once we have insurance she can get on hormone pills/patch or what ever women do at this time and we can return to our regular programming.

My wife is going through the change. A couple of years ago she went to her doctor complaining about unusual menstrual cycles; she was diagnosed later as perimenopausal. Didn't affect our sex life until sex became painful for her. Turns out, she has endometriosis.

She has gone the hormone therapy since then, but the endometriosis is getting worse. She is scheduled to undergo endometrial ablation in a few weeks; also taking care of a small hernia at the same time.

Sex life has definitely changed over the past couple of years. I appreciate her handies and head, but I feel kinda selfish as the only one that orgasms...even clitorial stimulation that leads her to orgasm is painful due to uterine contractions.

It's going to take time, but both of us look forward to a "normal" sex life.

Good luck to you and your wife...I hope she has an easier time with the change.

I'm going to drop into this thread here. First off, the Mrs and I are both into our late 50's. Second marriages for both, her a widow. I brought a young son into our relationship from a badly dysfunctional marriage that simply shouldn't have happened. We have two son's together. All three are great kids.

Sex early on was crazy, but looking back I was an amateur. As life grew more complicated- visitation issues, kids issues, work issues, health issues- sex began to take a back seat. She had a history of fibroids and sex just didn't feel good for her. Months between. Communication suffered as intimacy lessened. Depression and meds. Walls went up.

Fast forward through several years of trying to hold onto our friendship/marriage, focusing on the kids, not making new friends, very little social life save for extended family... to her doctor and her determining that a hysterectomy might be very good idea. She was afraid of losing her "female-ness" and having hormone issues, but after she did it our lives changed considerably- and for the better! She flat out states that it was one of the best things she has ever done, and only wishes she had done it earlier. The fibroid mass removed along with her uterus- left the ovaries/tubes and cervix intact- was the size of a grapefruit. Sex actually wasn't uncomfortable anymore!

Add to that- and you guys can chuckle all you want- the 50 Shades Factor. She read the books as I rolled my eyes, and then gave me the first one to read. In there she "discovered" that a woman claiming to not "want it" but "doing it" because it is her wifely duty , takes her psyche off the hook. She is "allowed" to be a bad girl because, well it isn't up to her. I'm "making" her be "naughty." Where I used to almost always be the one to initiate sex, she now lets me know she is feeling frisky by "preparing"...

A mind #### of sorts, right? I'm not going to argue as long as it isn't just my mind getting the action. And this renewed connection/intimacy has worked wonders for me mentally AND physically... (Did I say I was 57?)

So what you're saying is that while your love for your wife hasn't changed, your overall happiness with life (and hers too) is improved because of this renewed interest in sex?

(even at your advanced age)

Intimacy- not just sex- helps heal a multitude of "sins." Getting on the same page is key.

 

[SIDA!]

This is why my wife and I are committed to not letting the kids run the household. They are our priority from 7am-8pm. Then bedtime, then our time. 2 hours every night.

The kids (6 and 4) know that mom and dad go on dates. That we have conversations over coffee together on a weekend morning and the kids need to go play somewhere else. That they are in bed by 8 and are not to wake us before 6:30.

Too many families revolve around the kids. Again, kids are the priority FOR THE TIME BEING. But they aren't the most important aspect of the family. They should be nurtured and raised to respect and admire the relationship mom and dad have.

Excellent contribution and I appreciate reading this perspective.

 

[SIDA!]

Pretty good. Pretty, pretty good. I'm a lucky guy.

Why do you think things have worked out well for you guys?

 

[SIDA!]

I think the biggest things are basically people are lazy and or dishonest with themselves or their spouse.

Nobody wants to put in the work. Guys don't and girls don't.

Who wants to go to the gym 5 times a week and work extra hours to make money to pay for #### you don't need but she won't stop buying? What kind of ####### are you, this stuff is for the kiddddddssss!!!!

Who wants to sit their wife down and tell her that we are house poor because she absolutely needed this big house to be haaaaaappy and now there isn't any money to go to Disney and or New York with her friends? There isn't even enough money to cover all the bills anymore.

Who wants to hear from their wife that they are fat and gross, so she doesn't have any interest in ####### you? Also you used to play competitive hockey and were hot, and now you won't even stick up for yourself when she starts #####ing about you playing video games all the time.

Conversely, who wants to sit their wife down and tell her that she's put on 50 lbs and isn't attractive to you most of the time? She used to be smoking hot, but now she's just a fatter Peg Bundy with a Marcy Darcy haircut.

Who wants to eat good healthy food when fast food is your one remaining vice? It tastes so good that it's basically the only real joy you will get out of the day, right?

Who wants to put all the time required in to raise kids when it's easier to play candy crush and ##### about the school system? Also much easier to find waaaaayyyy worse parents than you.

Who wants to get turned down 90% of the time when you can just walk right past the bedroom and head down to the den and jerk off to any number of totally willing and eager digital women? And they don't ever disappoint do they? Redeheads, milfs, college chicks, secretaries, marti gras, blonde brunettes, spinners, anything you want. And they are all hotter than your lazy ### wife who is upstairs watching the Kardashians and eating ice cream.

There is definitely a lot of truth in here and think you have made some really phenomenal points/insights into human behavior, etc.

 

[SIDA!]

I'm pretty sure any comments I make will be deemed mysoginistic and sexist as well as I have said my peace on this before.

Come on in. The water is fine. I think your perspective offers some illuminating insights for others who may have not seen them thus far.

Or perhaps, simply copy and paste from the other threads.

 

[Mr. Know-It-All]

If sex (or lack thereof) is enough to dissolve a marriage, you still have to overcome the fact that people are resistant to change. Many people stay in sexless marriages because there are other factors that keep the bond strong - or strong enough to make them averse to the change that divorce or separation would incur.