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Wife Is Beating Breast Cancer (1 Viewer)

Chadstroma

Footballguy
Yes, I know there are tons of cancer threads. I hope you guys will indulge me of one more as my wife is very private and I am the opposite. So, I can't verbally throw up on other people but feel like I need an outlet. She would not be happy if she knew about this thread but it is somewhat anonymous and I am not going to tell her about it. I need to vent.


My wife felt a lump on her breast. The frustrating thing for me right now is that this was a while ago. She had a hard time with Doctors and appointments for a while.... and I am pissed off at myself right now because I didn't push harder to get the right tests done quicker. I can't even say why I didn't... maybe denial? Well, she had the mammogram and they sent her for a biopsy Thursday saying that it looked like cancer. She had it done and got the results back today saying that it was positive.


We have an appointment Tuesday with a surgeon who is suppose to be highly regarded. They don't know much of any info and apparently will not until they do the surgery. The plan of treatment right now is the surgery and then chemo.


My wife is a trooper. I am a wreck. Besides the prospect of losing my wife, the idea of my children losing their mother is just destroying me. If there was one of us that had to go.... 1,000% it would be better for me than her. She is an amazing woman, amazing mother and she would be able to soldier on through without me and likely even flourish. Me? I fear I would fold and fail my kids. I can't lose her. My kids can't lose her.


I am trying to be positive. I am trying to hold it together right now. She is at work still and carrying on like no big deal (though I know it isn't easy). We are not telling the kids anything other than Mom has to go to another surgery (she had one a few months back for her galbladder) and will decide what to say once we have more info. Her parents know and we are telling her siblings tonight at a family dinner.


The doctor told her that treatment has come a long way and survivability rates are high now so I am praying and hoping right now. I would appreciate all prayers for her.
 

TLEF316

Footballguy
Hang in there brother. Positive thoughts only. Medical technology is AMAZING.

My brother in law is one of the leading cancer researchers in the country (an incredible connection to have, especially since my dad is going through something at the moment as well). They're making incredible breakthroughs every day and the people working on it are insanely bright and dedicated.

All the best.
 

Terminalxylem

Footballguy
The doctor told her that treatment has come a long way and survivability rates are high now
This is good advice. At this point, it sounds like you don’t even know the extent of the tumor. A significant proportion of breast cancers are resectable, which is curative, if it hasn’t spread beyond the primary tumor. But even if it has, contemporary management of cancer is pretty amazing.

The most common procedure is a lumpectomy and sentinel lymph node biopsy (to check for microscopic spread), followed by local radiation. They’ll also measure hormone receptors and other markers of disease progression. If those tests are positive, she may be given the option to take pills to eradicate any residual cancer/lessen the risk of recurrence. Only more widespread disease would require chemotherapy and/or immunotherapy - these are the areas where dramatic improvement have been made in recent years.

But really no need to get ahead of oneself. Find a breast surgeon and oncologist you trust, preferably at a multidisciplinary cancer center. Most importantly, do everything you can to support your wife. Cancer is always a dreaded diagnosis, and because of their association with gender and sexuality, cancer of the breasts is especially troubling to women. Even if she appears stoic, you wife needs you to lean on. Don’t focus on delays in the diagnosis, but channel your energy towards her treatment and recovery. Good luck.

ETA My wife had localized breast cancer diagnosed almost a decade ago. She had the tumor removed, followed by elective mastectomy of both breasts. She never needed chemo or radiation. It wasn’t easy at the time, but she remains disease-free to this day, with no evidence of cancer other than breast implants, which aren’t a terrible consolation prize.
 

jamny

Footballguy
Sorry to hear this bro...hang in there.

We had a scare a few years ago. I know it's easier said than done but at this point worrying and/or panicking won't solve anything. It does no good for either of you. It'll drain you when you need strength the most. Please try to stay positive that she and you will get through this.

GLGB
 

Galileo

Footballguy
My wife is a trooper. I am a wreck. Besides the prospect of losing my wife, the idea of my children losing their mother is just destroying me. If there was one of us that had to go.... 1,000% it would be better for me than her. She is an amazing woman, amazing mother and she would be able to soldier on through without me and likely even flourish. Me? I fear I would fold and fail my kids. I can't lose her. My kids can't lose her.


I am trying to be positive. I am trying to hold it together right now. She is at work still and carrying on like no big deal (though I know it isn't easy). We are not telling the kids anything other than Mom has to go to another surgery (she had one a few months back for her galbladder) and will decide what to say once we have more info. Her parents know and we are telling her siblings tonight at a family dinner.


The doctor told her that treatment has come a long way and survivability rates are high now so I am praying and hoping right now. I would appreciate all prayers for her.
Don't dwell on the first bolded. As your doctor points out in the 3rd bolded, there is much reason for optimism here. Be supportive. Be strong. Be whatever your wife needs. FWIW, my wife decided to treat it very aggressively with the hopes of being done with it forever. My wife is 4 yrs removed from her treatment...chemo, double mastectomy (even though only one breast was affected at the time), radiation... so far clear ever since. There is a high probability of a positive outcome for many cancers these days. Discuss the outlook with your doctors and trust the process once you commit to a course of action.

On the second bolded item, I am sure you know your kids best. I am not sure how old they are, so that factors into decisions as well. I will just share that we informed our children when my wife was diagnosed. They were in 9th and 10th grade at the time. I am grateful that we did. We talked about it openly and I think that helped them deal with things. I know my oldest son ended up writing about his perspective for his senior narrative and college essays as it is something that influenced and shaped who he is. My daughter had a little rougher time dealing with it especially since my brother in law was dealing with glioblastoma at the same time. He was literally given only a only a couple of months to live when my wife's news struck. It was a lot to absorb, but kids are pretty resilient.

If you ever need to chat about things, feel free to hit me up. Good luck.
 

DA RAIDERS

willy t flyers
Hang in there Chad.

treatment has come a LOOOOOOOONG way. This is far from a death sentence. My wife’s mom died of breast cancer, so we are all over it. Went through a lumpectomy, which ended up benign. My sister in law had it And caught it fairly early. She chose double mastectomy, with new boobs. Controversial, but it’s how she decided to handle it. She is totally fine.

You ever need to chat, just call.

and F the donkeys. 😜
 

Chris B.

Footballguy
The doctor told her that treatment has come a long way and survivability rates are high now so I am praying and hoping right now. I would appreciate all prayers for her.
Yes. This is absolutely true and is a great place to place your focus and hope. You wife sounds like a tough strong woman, and she'll make it through treatment like a boss. Best of luck to your whole family and we look forward to positive updates. :boxing:
 

stbugs

Footballguy
GD man, that’s awful but T&Ps and a hope that she’ll be fine to your family. You will be a rock, don’t worry about that, just your wife.
 

ProstheticRGK

Footballguy
Yes, I know there are tons of cancer threads. I hope you guys will indulge me of one more as my wife is very private and I am the opposite. So, I can't verbally throw up on other people but feel like I need an outlet. She would not be happy if she knew about this thread but it is somewhat anonymous and I am not going to tell her about it. I need to vent.


My wife felt a lump on her breast. The frustrating thing for me right now is that this was a while ago. She had a hard time with Doctors and appointments for a while.... and I am pissed off at myself right now because I didn't push harder to get the right tests done quicker. I can't even say why I didn't... maybe denial? Well, she had the mammogram and they sent her for a biopsy Thursday saying that it looked like cancer. She had it done and got the results back today saying that it was positive.


We have an appointment Tuesday with a surgeon who is suppose to be highly regarded. They don't know much of any info and apparently will not until they do the surgery. The plan of treatment right now is the surgery and then chemo.


My wife is a trooper. I am a wreck. Besides the prospect of losing my wife, the idea of my children losing their mother is just destroying me. If there was one of us that had to go.... 1,000% it would be better for me than her. She is an amazing woman, amazing mother and she would be able to soldier on through without me and likely even flourish. Me? I fear I would fold and fail my kids. I can't lose her. My kids can't lose her.


I am trying to be positive. I am trying to hold it together right now. She is at work still and carrying on like no big deal (though I know it isn't easy). We are not telling the kids anything other than Mom has to go to another surgery (she had one a few months back for her galbladder) and will decide what to say once we have more info. Her parents know and we are telling her siblings tonight at a family dinner.


The doctor told her that treatment has come a long way and survivability rates are high now so I am praying and hoping right now. I would appreciate all prayers for her.
You will not fold and you will not fail your family. Even though it feels like you will. Even though it feels like you can't handle this. You can. And you will.

You will find strength and grace that you didn't know existed inside you. You will find friends and resources and help in places you didn't expect to find them. You will find peace in the middle of a ****storm of worry, and an opportunity to deepen love and intimacy with your family in ways you never dreamed.

I'm sorry that you and yours are going through this. Take hope in the doctor's words- treatment has come a long way and survivability is high. Be present for your family. Just be there, be available, and you'll know what to do. Come here and vent when you feel like you can't handle it, or feel overwhelmed.

If you need somebody to talk to, one on one, feel free to PM me. Prayers for your family, brother.
 

Tecumseh

Footballguy
The doctor told her that treatment has come a long way and survivability rates are high now
This is good advice. At this point, it sounds like you don’t even know the extent of the tumor. A significant proportion of breast cancers are resectable, which is curative, if it hasn’t spread beyond the primary tumor. But even if it has, contemporary management of cancer is pretty amazing.

The most common procedure is a lumpectomy and sentinel lymph node biopsy (to check for microscopic spread), followed by local radiation. They’ll also measure hormone receptors and other markers of disease progression. If those tests are positive, she may be given the option to take pills to eradicate any residual cancer/lessen the risk of recurrence. Only more widespread disease would require chemotherapy and/or immunotherapy - these are the areas where dramatic improvement have been made in recent years.

But really no need to get ahead of oneself. Find a breast surgeon and oncologist you trust, preferably at a multidisciplinary cancer center. Most importantly, do everything you can to support your wife. Cancer is always a dreaded diagnosis, and because of their association with gender and sexuality, cancer of the breasts is especially troubling to women. Even if she appears stoic, you wife needs you to lean on. Don’t focus on delays in the diagnosis, but channel your energy towards her treatment and recovery. Good luck.

ETA My wife had localized breast cancer diagnosed almost a decade ago. She had the tumor removed, followed by elective mastectomy of both breasts. She never needed chemo or radiation. It wasn’t easy at the time, but she remains disease-free to this day, with no evidence of cancer other than breast implants, which aren’t a terrible consolation prize.
This is a really good post.

Some people here know that I was a pediatric oncology nurse. Last year, we moved to an area that doesn’t really have pediatric options, so I took a position in an outpatient adult oncology infusion clinic. I say all that just to say that, even though I’m still getting up to speed on adult cancers in general, and breast cancer in particular, I do know that the prognoses vary wildly depending on the type of breast cancer, and it’s progression at diagnosis. I know hearing those words is terrifying, but try your best to focus on the present, without imagining worst case scenarios. That’s not good for anyone. Just support your wife as best you can, and be ready for her if (or when) her emotions eventually catch up to her.

Again, I’m certainly no expert, but I work with some outstanding docs and nurses. LMK if I can be of any help.
 

Dr_Zaius

Footballguy
I am pissed off at myself right now because I didn't push harder to get the right tests done quicker
As natural as it is to try to blame yourself, I would try not to go there. Life is complicated and messy enough, and we're not robots that will make the perfect decision every time. My wife is a 10+ year survivor of breast cancer and went through the whole surgeries, chemo, and radiation. Like you, we probably could have moved a little faster after the lump was found, but she had had lumps before that were nothing, so it was only natural to assume the one that was ultimately cancer would be too. I'll also echo the folks here that say you will find the strength that you need. That being said...
So, I can't verbally throw up on other people but feel like I need an outlet.
If talking to people on here helps, I would definitely recommend it. The attention of almost everyone will rightfully be on your wife, but particularly if your kids are on the younger side, you may feel that you have to be the rock for everyone which can seem overwhelming at times, so don't deny yourself some little things that can make the burden a bit easier.
 

Mrs. Rannous

Footballguy
The Wahington Post has a firewall, so i copied this advice from Carolyn Hax's column from it:


Hi Carolyn: I found out three days ago that I have cancer. (God that is scary just typing it.) I have a consult on Monday with an oncologist and a surgeon. So far I’ve been managing to keep busy at work and keep myself from freaking out now because I just don’t know enough yet.


As the consult gets closer I’m having more trouble controlling my emotions. How do I get through the weekend to Monday morning? I’m feeling my heart start to race just typing this.

— Scared
Scared:
Oh, ugh, I’m sorry. Bad news is bad enough without added suspense.
The way you get through the weekend is to … get through. Seriously. I think we all got some unwelcome practice at this during the worst of the pandemic, and its lessons apply in this context:

First, you figure out what you need to do — like work, bills, chores, though streamlining is fine, too, if it helps. People prefer different things here, and this is as personal as it gets.



Next, you see what time you have left to fill after the requirements. Then you fill it with your most reliable distractions and, if possible, deliver a hit of optimism to help keep you afloat.
The go-tos for most are art and nature — nothing like streaming a great show or getting outside — but emotional transcendence is, again, maybe the most personal thing about us, so I won’t pretend to know what will work for you. Getting outside yourself can help, too — giving to others in some way.

Or, this is going to sound the opposite of soothing, but if you have clutter at home, hit it now so you don’t have to look at it when you feel your sickest.
Take a deep breath and give yourself what you need, without apology.
Regardless of what you do, Monday will come. I hope it comes with the best possible news.
Readers’ thoughts:
· I’ve been there. You get through it one task, one day, one hour or even one minute at a time.
· Speaking as someone who’s wrestled two types of C to a draw: Remind yourself that it isn’t a definite death sentence. While waiting for action orders I turned on Motown and cleaned my refrigerator, buried myself in Amelia Peabody books, and watched the original BBC Poirot series.

· Depending on your treatment, your taste buds might get a bit off-kilter for a while. So this might be a weekend to revel in favorite flavors. Also, if there are any places where the scent is important to you — mountains, seashore, flowers in — take them in, if you have the energy. Sending love and good thoughts your way whether you do this or stay in bed with Netflix all weekend. You can’t go wrong.
· I learned (by doing it wrong, obviously) the importance of picking the right people to talk to about it. I had people totally blow it off or make thoughtless comments, which made me feel worse-er. I wish I’d chosen based on their own emotional makeup.



· Visit cancersupportcommunity.org right now and take a look at the resources. They are especially good for people like you who have just been diagnosed and don’t know where to turn. They also have a 7-day-a-week helpline staffed by real people who will be happy to talk to you and help you this time and beyond. CSC has programs for every stage of diagnosis and treatment and is for patients, caregivers and families. Good luck.

A lot of this applies to you, not just to your wife. Take care of yourself, not just her. You do need someplace to talk, and this is a good place for it. It's not as if we will run into her in the grocery store, or something. Her privacy is pretty much guraranteed this way, and you get a place to dump what you need to. So go ahead. We don't mind at all.

Best wishes for both of you.
 

IrishTwinkie

Footballguy
My wife was diagnosed a little over 13 months ago. My mom was diagnosed 2 days after my wife. So this is still pretty fresh to me. Wife was able to get past with the lumpectomy, mom had to go mastectomy. Both are now in the less-active treatment/monitor phase. Everyone's experience and stories will be different. There is a spectrum of outcomes.

The advice up here is solid. I'll add:
  • Take it day by day, moment by moment.
  • Make sure to go to the appointments w/your wife. Mine, normally an acute listener, wasn't taking in all details very well. It can be difficult when you are the one receiving the news. I was there to catch things that might have missed.
  • Lots of people will be willing to help. It became overwhelming/humbling for us. We used lotsahelping hands to create a "We need help on" calendar. We used it to get meals on appointment days. We learned we had no will left for cooking meals on those days. ie: We ate an overwhelming amount of take out and having people bring meals one or twice a week was a massive help that I am grateful for. Help calendars can help answer the question "how can I help?!"
  • Take out meals lead to: Take care of yourself too. My doctor is pissed at me cause I didn't do a great job of this. If you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of her.
  • The breast cancer treatment center handed us a bag of stuff on our first appointment. Mostly stuff for her, but I was given a book. I am pretty sure this was it. It was helpful, stark at times, but it helped frame things for me. https://www.amazon.com/Bme. reast-Cancer-Husband-Diagnosis-Treatment/dp/1579548334 I'd go get my copy to be sure, but I found it so valuable, I passed it on to a friend who followed us down this path.
Good luck.
 

Skipdog77

Footballguy
Very sorry to hear this. You are stronger than you know. We can do amazing things when faced with adversity, and come out stronger on the other side. Best wishes to you, your family, and your wife as she begins her fight. And fight she will. And so will you.
 

bigbottom

I put on my robe and wizard hat
Chad: Lean on us here for strength and support. It is one of the very best things about this place. And don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with your wife. You need to face this together. And finally, be in the moment as much as you can. Do everything you can to not let fear take over your life. Medical advances are amazing, and positive outcomes are countless. Stay hopeful and enjoy life, even while you and your family deal with this challenge. We’ll be here for you.
 

cudjoekey10

Footballguy
Thoughts and prayers.

Lots of great insight already in this thread about how cancer treatment had advanced over the last few years. And how to focus on the positives and not dwell on worst case scenarios. I think you'll be surprised at how well you can shoulder the load and step up when needed.

Best of luck to you and your wife, very very good chance that everything will be fine in the end.
 

TwinTurbo

Footballguy
Stay strong and keep focused. I went through this with a family member. It all worked out. Feel free to vent the anxiety here and we will support you.
 

rustycolts

Footballguy
Yes, I know there are tons of cancer threads. I hope you guys will indulge me of one more as my wife is very private and I am the opposite. So, I can't verbally throw up on other people but feel like I need an outlet. She would not be happy if she knew about this thread but it is somewhat anonymous and I am not going to tell her about it. I need to vent.


My wife felt a lump on her breast. The frustrating thing for me right now is that this was a while ago. She had a hard time with Doctors and appointments for a while.... and I am pissed off at myself right now because I didn't push harder to get the right tests done quicker. I can't even say why I didn't... maybe denial? Well, she had the mammogram and they sent her for a biopsy Thursday saying that it looked like cancer. She had it done and got the results back today saying that it was positive.


We have an appointment Tuesday with a surgeon who is suppose to be highly regarded. They don't know much of any info and apparently will not until they do the surgery. The plan of treatment right now is the surgery and then chemo.


My wife is a trooper. I am a wreck. Besides the prospect of losing my wife, the idea of my children losing their mother is just destroying me. If there was one of us that had to go.... 1,000% it would be better for me than her. She is an amazing woman, amazing mother and she would be able to soldier on through without me and likely even flourish. Me? I fear I would fold and fail my kids. I can't lose her. My kids can't lose her.


I am trying to be positive. I am trying to hold it together right now. She is at work still and carrying on like no big deal (though I know it isn't easy). We are not telling the kids anything other than Mom has to go to another surgery (she had one a few months back for her galbladder) and will decide what to say once we have more info. Her parents know and we are telling her siblings tonight at a family dinner.


The doctor told her that treatment has come a long way and survivability rates are high now so I am praying and hoping right now. I would appreciate all prayers for her.
Chad my wife sounds remarkably like yours. Almost the same story as far as her neglecting to go to her mammograms. Thank God her Dr.called me when she missed the last one. So I had him reschedule and I hand delivered her there. It saved her life as far as I am concerned. She was diagnosed a little over 2 years ago. She is now cancer free.

The biggest thing you can do is always be positive and be a support system for her,never be negative around her. Even when she may be down herself. The radiation treatments will take a toll but support her the best you can.

Treatments have come along way my wife did not have to take intravenous chemo but she will be on a form hormone treatment for most of her life.

Stay positive and God bless your wife you and your family. Lori and I will pray for your wife and your family. If you ever need to vent or have questions for my wife feel free to PM me
 

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