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Wife Is Beating Breast Cancer (1 Viewer)

DA RAIDERS

willy t flyers
keerock hit an important point. do your own research and make sure that you, your wife and your dr have explored all options. drs don't know everything and will often take the path they are the most familiar with. not necessarily bad or wrong, just what they're used to doing. you being as knowledgeable as possible is always a good thing.

as i said before, my SIL opted to go double mastectomy, with new bewbs. this was a much more aggressive treatment than her dr initially advised. but it's what she wanted to do. she's had zero issues :shrug:

kc and denver lost this week. stupid dolts won. but the raiders didn't lose!!! :pickle:
When we would question treatments or ask for options the answer we would get was "That's what we do here". We chalked it up to UofM arrogance and it was frustrating as hell.
it's frustrating. they deal with it all day, every day. and often appear flippant or nonchalant. (to us)
 

Poke_4_Life

Footballguy
Ahh man... didn't see this until just now. Thoughts and Prayers for you, your wife, and your kids.

Sounds like you're already doing a little better with all of it, but treatment has come a long way. Both my MIL and mom are cancer free after having breast cancer in the last 10ish years.

You will be strong for her and the kids. You got this. And if you need to come here and cry about it, that's also fine. I can't guarantee we won't bust your balls from time to time about the crying, but we will do it with love (no homo).
 

Chadstroma

Footballguy
Appointment today.

I forgot to mention that my FIL is a retired Doctor, so that is a helpful resource. While waiting for our doctor my wife told me that before her Dad said to forget whoever we were referred to and that he wanted us to go to a specific Doctor... it was the Doctor we were referred to.

She was very nice and I think my wife is very comfortable with her. She apparently has the bona fides as well based on reputation etc.

She went over the test results of what has already been done. We do not know the stage until further tests are done. There are multiple tumors (either 2 or 3) and it is a grade 3. Various further tests will be scheduled like CTscan, MRI, etc which will show stage and other info. It is the most common type of cancer but not the hormonal one so no hormonal treatment is likely. That my wife doesn't feel bad or have health issues is a good sign that it hasn't spread.

The course for treatment is chemo right away and then a mastectomy followed by radiation. The Doctor said.... I forgot how she put it..... maybe.... this cancer reacts favorably to chemo.... which is why chemo is up first.

My wife teared up when they said the mastectomy but other than that she held up well. After the appointment, she went to work. The Doctor said that people that continue with life as normal tend to do better. If that is the case.... my wife already as this thing beat. I asked on the way home if she wanted to get lunch and she said sure but then we forgot we had to pick up her work car so we did that and she got ready and left for work afterwards. Me asking about her eating was more about trying to judge how she was feeling because asking her how she was feeling and getting "ok" was nice but her appetite really tells me how she is doing emotionally. After the Doctor left, she said she might as well do the double mastectomy in a matter of fact kind of way.

Along with the tests they are working on scheduling the chemo doctor (forgot the real name), dietician and that once all the test come back, it will go to a board of doctors for them to review and make recommendations or additions based on all of that in case there was something they see. I liked the Doctor because she didn't approach it like she was a god in control of everything but that she was there to use her expertise and "be in the background all the time" even when dealing with other Doctors etc.

I asked some questions but then I kind of froze, so I didn't ask everything I wanted to. I should have written it down. After asking some things.... the next thing I wanted to ask was the survivability rate but I couldn't do it. I was going to break down and I didn't want to break down and instead be strong. Once I realized I couldn't ask that, I blanked on everything else.

The nurse came in and was very nice as well. Gave us a book and a care package from ULTA. She was very focused on her (our) emotional well being and going through the process.

So... I guess a mix bag.... multiple tumors grade 3 is not good. Her health and that it is a kind that chemo is effective against is good. We will see how all the tests go through.

Trying to focus on doing life. We didn't talk about telling people in general and our kids but being that we will start with chemo and that it will prob be about two weeks to start, I think we need to tell the kids as I don't think you can really hide that.
 

Chadstroma

Footballguy
Ahh man... didn't see this until just now. Thoughts and Prayers for you, your wife, and your kids.

Sounds like you're already doing a little better with all of it, but treatment has come a long way. Both my MIL and mom are cancer free after having breast cancer in the last 10ish years.

You will be strong for her and the kids. You got this. And if you need to come here and cry about it, that's also fine. I can't guarantee we won't bust your balls from time to time about the crying, but we will do it with love (no homo).
Real men wear pink and cry... of course you wouldn't know about that.
 

The General

Footballguy
Appointment today.

I forgot to mention that my FIL is a retired Doctor, so that is a helpful resource. While waiting for our doctor my wife told me that before her Dad said to forget whoever we were referred to and that he wanted us to go to a specific Doctor... it was the Doctor we were referred to.

She was very nice and I think my wife is very comfortable with her. She apparently has the bona fides as well based on reputation etc.

She went over the test results of what has already been done. We do not know the stage until further tests are done. There are multiple tumors (either 2 or 3) and it is a grade 3. Various further tests will be scheduled like CTscan, MRI, etc which will show stage and other info. It is the most common type of cancer but not the hormonal one so no hormonal treatment is likely. That my wife doesn't feel bad or have health issues is a good sign that it hasn't spread.

The course for treatment is chemo right away and then a mastectomy followed by radiation. The Doctor said.... I forgot how she put it..... maybe.... this cancer reacts favorably to chemo.... which is why chemo is up first.

My wife teared up when they said the mastectomy but other than that she held up well. After the appointment, she went to work. The Doctor said that people that continue with life as normal tend to do better. If that is the case.... my wife already as this thing beat. I asked on the way home if she wanted to get lunch and she said sure but then we forgot we had to pick up her work car so we did that and she got ready and left for work afterwards. Me asking about her eating was more about trying to judge how she was feeling because asking her how she was feeling and getting "ok" was nice but her appetite really tells me how she is doing emotionally. After the Doctor left, she said she might as well do the double mastectomy in a matter of fact kind of way.

Along with the tests they are working on scheduling the chemo doctor (forgot the real name), dietician and that once all the test come back, it will go to a board of doctors for them to review and make recommendations or additions based on all of that in case there was something they see. I liked the Doctor because she didn't approach it like she was a god in control of everything but that she was there to use her expertise and "be in the background all the time" even when dealing with other Doctors etc.

I asked some questions but then I kind of froze, so I didn't ask everything I wanted to. I should have written it down. After asking some things.... the next thing I wanted to ask was the survivability rate but I couldn't do it. I was going to break down and I didn't want to break down and instead be strong. Once I realized I couldn't ask that, I blanked on everything else.

The nurse came in and was very nice as well. Gave us a book and a care package from ULTA. She was very focused on her (our) emotional well being and going through the process.

So... I guess a mix bag.... multiple tumors grade 3 is not good. Her health and that it is a kind that chemo is effective against is good. We will see how all the tests go through.

Trying to focus on doing life. We didn't talk about telling people in general and our kids but being that we will start with chemo and that it will prob be about two weeks to start, I think we need to tell the kids as I don't think you can really hide that.
Continue to wish you all the best, Chad.

I wanted to ask about the bolded part I thought there was some genetic testing done to help determine this. The tests help determine if the double mastectomy is advised. The docs will know what's best and I am sure you both are being overwhelmed with info but it might be worth asking for clarification.

All good thoughts to you and the family.
 

Poke_4_Life

Footballguy
Ahh man... didn't see this until just now. Thoughts and Prayers for you, your wife, and your kids.

Sounds like you're already doing a little better with all of it, but treatment has come a long way. Both my MIL and mom are cancer free after having breast cancer in the last 10ish years.

You will be strong for her and the kids. You got this. And if you need to come here and cry about it, that's also fine. I can't guarantee we won't bust your balls from time to time about the crying, but we will do it with love (no homo).
Real men wear pink and cry... of course you wouldn't know about that.
Funny enough I have a pink dress shirt I wear frequently. I did get it because of my mom and MIL. :style:
 

Chadstroma

Footballguy
Appointment today.

I forgot to mention that my FIL is a retired Doctor, so that is a helpful resource. While waiting for our doctor my wife told me that before her Dad said to forget whoever we were referred to and that he wanted us to go to a specific Doctor... it was the Doctor we were referred to.

She was very nice and I think my wife is very comfortable with her. She apparently has the bona fides as well based on reputation etc.

She went over the test results of what has already been done. We do not know the stage until further tests are done. There are multiple tumors (either 2 or 3) and it is a grade 3. Various further tests will be scheduled like CTscan, MRI, etc which will show stage and other info. It is the most common type of cancer but not the hormonal one so no hormonal treatment is likely. That my wife doesn't feel bad or have health issues is a good sign that it hasn't spread.

The course for treatment is chemo right away and then a mastectomy followed by radiation. The Doctor said.... I forgot how she put it..... maybe.... this cancer reacts favorably to chemo.... which is why chemo is up first.

My wife teared up when they said the mastectomy but other than that she held up well. After the appointment, she went to work. The Doctor said that people that continue with life as normal tend to do better. If that is the case.... my wife already as this thing beat. I asked on the way home if she wanted to get lunch and she said sure but then we forgot we had to pick up her work car so we did that and she got ready and left for work afterwards. Me asking about her eating was more about trying to judge how she was feeling because asking her how she was feeling and getting "ok" was nice but her appetite really tells me how she is doing emotionally. After the Doctor left, she said she might as well do the double mastectomy in a matter of fact kind of way.

Along with the tests they are working on scheduling the chemo doctor (forgot the real name), dietician and that once all the test come back, it will go to a board of doctors for them to review and make recommendations or additions based on all of that in case there was something they see. I liked the Doctor because she didn't approach it like she was a god in control of everything but that she was there to use her expertise and "be in the background all the time" even when dealing with other Doctors etc.

I asked some questions but then I kind of froze, so I didn't ask everything I wanted to. I should have written it down. After asking some things.... the next thing I wanted to ask was the survivability rate but I couldn't do it. I was going to break down and I didn't want to break down and instead be strong. Once I realized I couldn't ask that, I blanked on everything else.

The nurse came in and was very nice as well. Gave us a book and a care package from ULTA. She was very focused on her (our) emotional well being and going through the process.

So... I guess a mix bag.... multiple tumors grade 3 is not good. Her health and that it is a kind that chemo is effective against is good. We will see how all the tests go through.

Trying to focus on doing life. We didn't talk about telling people in general and our kids but being that we will start with chemo and that it will prob be about two weeks to start, I think we need to tell the kids as I don't think you can really hide that.
Continue to wish you all the best, Chad.

I wanted to ask about the bolded part I thought there was some genetic testing done to help determine this. The tests help determine if the double mastectomy is advised. The docs will know what's best and I am sure you both are being overwhelmed with info but it might be worth asking for clarification.

All good thoughts to you and the family.
Correct, they are doing the genetic testing.

That comment was just to me. I think she rather err on the side of caution and I am sure there is a lot of fear driving that comment too. We have some time before we get to that point as we will have some time through chemo before the surgery based on the current plan. I rather her have that mindset and walk it back if need be than something else.
 

Chadstroma

Footballguy
Ahh man... didn't see this until just now. Thoughts and Prayers for you, your wife, and your kids.

Sounds like you're already doing a little better with all of it, but treatment has come a long way. Both my MIL and mom are cancer free after having breast cancer in the last 10ish years.

You will be strong for her and the kids. You got this. And if you need to come here and cry about it, that's also fine. I can't guarantee we won't bust your balls from time to time about the crying, but we will do it with love (no homo).
Real men wear pink and cry... of course you wouldn't know about that.
Funny enough I have a pink dress shirt I wear frequently. I did get it because of my mom and MIL. :style:
Well... my fat arse is going to have to lose weight so I can wear my pink dress shirt again.
 

Chadstroma

Footballguy
When we would question treatments or ask for options the answer we would get was "That's what we do here". We chalked it up to UofM arrogance and it was frustrating as hell.
This sort of thing would have gotten the expressive middle digit from me cuz that's what i do.
Yea... if that was my wife she would smile and then we walked out say "I don't like them.... I am going to set up another appointment with someone else"
Luckily, it seems this Doctor has the right bedside manner and knows what she is doing too.
 

Gr00vus

Footballguy
Continuing to send positive vibes your way. Your wife seems to be a very courageous, together person. I'm hoping your health insurance is covering the full ride - all treatments, reconstructive work, etc.
 

IrishTwinkie

Footballguy
Trying to focus on doing life. We didn't talk about telling people in general and our kids but being that we will start with chemo and that it will prob be about two weeks to start, I think we need to tell the kids as I don't think you can really hide that.
It took us a bit to tell people as well. For a few reasons: my wife was trying to wrap her head around it so she wasn't really ready to share. I tend to be a private person anyway, and thus didn't feel like sharing much either. Once we got over that it became important to me that people didn't direct their feelings, emotions and how this was effecting them towards my wife. So I became the news bearer. If you wanted to talk about the weather, what you had for lunch or what ever sure, you can talk to my wife. You wanna know how stuff is going? You get talk to me. It didn't help that some people have really lousy responses to this news and some will try to make it about themselves. I don't understand it but got annoying at times.

My kids are older. I tried to let them know that they needed to help us in various ways. Decorating for the holidays was one them, for example. They basically owned it. This helped them deal with the whole situation, at least a little. But in other ways we screwed up. My son, in particular, fell into the classic male trap of wanting to be able to do something to fix it. He didn't deal well when that sentiment ran smack into the reality that there was nothing he could do to fix it. I'd suggest finding little ways your kids can help and gain some sense of control over situation. I know you said yours were younger, but giving them some agency will help a lot. I'd also suggest letting people who watch over them know that stuff is going on. Teachers, scout leaders, coaches, etc. Using my son as an example again, he has a couple of close adult mentors/friends that I figured he might reach out to. I gave them the heads up that if my son was acting off, this might be the reason why. And I trusted them to let me know if they felt there was something I should know. (My kids are nearly out of the house, so I only have so much pull left.) Let your kids know it is okay to have emotions too. Bottling it up isn't good. Having more eyes on them can help make sure their needs are being met/addressed.

Take it day by day.
 

Terminalxylem

Footballguy
The doctor told her that treatment has come a long way and survivability rates are high now
This is good advice. At this point, it sounds like you don’t even know the extent of the tumor. A significant proportion of breast cancers are resectable, which is curative, if it hasn’t spread beyond the primary tumor. But even if it has, contemporary management of cancer is pretty amazing.

The most common procedure is a lumpectomy and sentinel lymph node biopsy (to check for microscopic spread), followed by local radiation. They’ll also measure hormone receptors and other markers of disease progression. If those tests are positive, she may be given the option to take pills to eradicate any residual cancer/lessen the risk of recurrence. Only more widespread disease would require chemotherapy and/or immunotherapy - these are the areas where dramatic improvement have been made in recent years.

But really no need to get ahead of oneself. Find a breast surgeon and oncologist you trust, preferably at a multidisciplinary cancer center. Most importantly, do everything you can to support your wife. Cancer is always a dreaded diagnosis, and because of their association with gender and sexuality, cancer of the breasts is especially troubling to women. Even if she appears stoic, you wife needs you to lean on. Don’t focus on delays in the diagnosis, but channel your energy towards her treatment and recovery. Good luck.

ETA My wife had localized breast cancer diagnosed almost a decade ago. She had the tumor removed, followed by elective mastectomy of both breasts. She never needed chemo or radiation. It wasn’t easy at the time, but she remains disease-free to this day, with no evidence of cancer other than breast implants, which aren’t a terrible consolation prize.
Tuesday we have the consult with the Doctor who is suppose to be highly respected in UofChicago and Silver Cross Hospital. She was told that they wouldn't know the extent etc until they went in for the surgery which I am taking is the lumpectomy. I believe that is scheduled for the following week.
NM. I saw the updated post. It sounds like she has locally advanced cancer, at the minimum. As you detailed, they'll do a bunch of tests (scans and bloodwork) to see if the cancer has spread beyond the breast, which will ultimately determine how aggressive the surgery + adjunctive measures (radiation, chemo- and/or immunotherapy) they suggest will be. If they find tumor outside the breast, it's also possible surgery may be off the table.

The doctor you talked to was a breast surgeon, but you'll also need to meet with a medical and radiation oncologist, who will detail all the non-surgical stuff.
 
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Chadstroma

Footballguy
Trying to focus on doing life. We didn't talk about telling people in general and our kids but being that we will start with chemo and that it will prob be about two weeks to start, I think we need to tell the kids as I don't think you can really hide that.
It took us a bit to tell people as well. For a few reasons: my wife was trying to wrap her head around it so she wasn't really ready to share. I tend to be a private person anyway, and thus didn't feel like sharing much either. Once we got over that it became important to me that people didn't direct their feelings, emotions and how this was effecting them towards my wife. So I became the news bearer. If you wanted to talk about the weather, what you had for lunch or what ever sure, you can talk to my wife. You wanna know how stuff is going? You get talk to me. It didn't help that some people have really lousy responses to this news and some will try to make it about themselves. I don't understand it but got annoying at times.

My kids are older. I tried to let them know that they needed to help us in various ways. Decorating for the holidays was one them, for example. They basically owned it. This helped them deal with the whole situation, at least a little. But in other ways we screwed up. My son, in particular, fell into the classic male trap of wanting to be able to do something to fix it. He didn't deal well when that sentiment ran smack into the reality that there was nothing he could do to fix it. I'd suggest finding little ways your kids can help and gain some sense of control over situation. I know you said yours were younger, but giving them some agency will help a lot. I'd also suggest letting people who watch over them know that stuff is going on. Teachers, scout leaders, coaches, etc. Using my son as an example again, he has a couple of close adult mentors/friends that I figured he might reach out to. I gave them the heads up that if my son was acting off, this might be the reason why. And I trusted them to let me know if they felt there was something I should know. (My kids are nearly out of the house, so I only have so much pull left.) Let your kids know it is okay to have emotions too. Bottling it up isn't good. Having more eyes on them can help make sure their needs are being met/addressed.

Take it day by day.
Good points there. I didn't want to dive into anything so I didn't bring it up. She has only told her family (parents and siblings) and a close friend of ours that is also a nurse.... well, that isn't really true.... she told her about what was going on before we got the results. Our friend texted her the same day she got the results and didn't feel like talking about it. (She told me this today)

I have only told my sister and a few hundred of my closest iFriends in some crazy message board that I have been on since about the year 2000 where I have made tons of friends and probably pissed off a lot more (though I do not venture into the political subthread... it wasn't always there and even not in politics I am a tiny little bit opinionated and have a sense of humor that doesn't always translate well in written form).

The talk with the kids is going to be rough. My youngest is so sensitive too.... like very empathetic. He cried in the past when we drove by a cemetery because it is sad.
 

IrishTwinkie

Footballguy
Spit balling here: Are your kids old enough to cook? Even just a little? Pancakes for dinner are cool. Maybe have them take over a meal during week might help everyone. My youngest (who is now in college, to help pinpoint capabilities) took over a meal a week. It helped all of us. She felt she contributed something meaningful (and boy did she ever) and it was one less thing my wife and I needed to worry about. Maybe other chores would work better. I am not sure what ages yours are. Anything would be good so feel like they are doing something to help the cause.
 

Manster

Footballguy
Chad I'm so sorry to hear this.

First of all, I'll start with my wife is 8 years cancer free!

Your initial post sounds very similar to what happened to my wife and I. She was 33 when diagnosed. Thought the lump was related to breast feeding and/or hormones.....we dismissed it, it grew and was painful....it was a big lump....went in for an ultrasound, the rest is history....I felt super guilty for not pushing her to get it checked out sooner.

My kids were 3 and 1. I thought I was going to be raising them without her. Never been that scared in my life. I'm with you....take me over my wife. She is incredible....I'm pretty average:-)

We just took it one day at a time.....surgery (bi-lat mastectomy), chemo,etc.....hard as hell, but we came out the other side, and I love her more than ever!

If you ever need anyone to talk to who's been thru some of this **** shoot me a DM.
 

Chadstroma

Footballguy
Spit balling here: Are your kids old enough to cook? Even just a little? Pancakes for dinner are cool. Maybe have them take over a meal during week might help everyone. My youngest (who is now in college, to help pinpoint capabilities) took over a meal a week. It helped all of us. She felt she contributed something meaningful (and boy did she ever) and it was one less thing my wife and I needed to worry about. Maybe other chores would work better. I am not sure what ages yours are. Anything would be good so feel like they are doing something to help the cause.
My daughter 11 is starting to semi-cook. You know, boxed Mac n Cheese, heat up frozen nuggets, that type of thing. Starting to bake etc.

I am not sure the boys know how to get up and walk over to the fridge to get a glass of water.
 

Chadstroma

Footballguy
Had to bump this. Thinking about you and your family today @Chadstroma.
Thank you.

She is holding up well. I am a wreck trying to not fall apart and keep focused on positive thinking but I am so far sucking at that.... er, I have room for improvement in that.

Funny thing is she so often is usually over dramatic. On the way home from her brothers house the gas warning goes off. She was driving because my back was in a lot of pain. "do we have enough?" I look, at it is just over the E marking. "yea, we are fine"..... "Are you sure? It is literally on E"..... "No, it isn't. You can get gas at the station at (on way home a little bit off the offramp on the freeway)".... "Are you sure?".... "Yes."....... "What about getting off here?"...... "Ok, if it will make you feel better, not a problem. Here go to the Costco right there" ..... "Is it open?"..... "I dunno, if not, we can go to the one right up the street there"..... "I am just going to go there" (I start laughing because I know the reason she is doing that is she is scared of running out of gas in between them which is like 150 yards apart) She says "shut up". I fill up and it takes 19 gallons. I get in the car. "How big is the gas?"..... "Uh, I dunno... 20.... 20 something" ...... "1 gallon! See, that is like 10 miles! We wouldn't have made it!" (trying not to laugh more.... I did not point out that it was more than 20 gallons.... 22 actually.... and the Acadia gets better than 10 MPG highway let alone street). "Ok, well, you got a full tank now and don't have to worry"

Meanwhile... there is no discernable difference in her about going through all of this.
 
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Chadstroma

Footballguy
Chad I'm so sorry to hear this.

First of all, I'll start with my wife is 8 years cancer free!

Your initial post sounds very similar to what happened to my wife and I. She was 33 when diagnosed. Thought the lump was related to breast feeding and/or hormones.....we dismissed it, it grew and was painful....it was a big lump....went in for an ultrasound, the rest is history....I felt super guilty for not pushing her to get it checked out sooner.

My kids were 3 and 1. I thought I was going to be raising them without her. Never been that scared in my life. I'm with you....take me over my wife. She is incredible....I'm pretty average:-)

We just took it one day at a time.....surgery (bi-lat mastectomy), chemo,etc.....hard as hell, but we came out the other side, and I love her more than ever!

If you ever need anyone to talk to who's been thru some of this **** shoot me a DM.
Thank you. Looking to have the same outcome on this! Just really a wreck waiting on all the tests to find out what stage and SEER she has. The multiple lumps has me freaked.
 

Manster

Footballguy
Chad I'm so sorry to hear this.

First of all, I'll start with my wife is 8 years cancer free!

Your initial post sounds very similar to what happened to my wife and I. She was 33 when diagnosed. Thought the lump was related to breast feeding and/or hormones.....we dismissed it, it grew and was painful....it was a big lump....went in for an ultrasound, the rest is history....I felt super guilty for not pushing her to get it checked out sooner.

My kids were 3 and 1. I thought I was going to be raising them without her. Never been that scared in my life. I'm with you....take me over my wife. She is incredible....I'm pretty average:-)

We just took it one day at a time.....surgery (bi-lat mastectomy), chemo,etc.....hard as hell, but we came out the other side, and I love her more than ever!

If you ever need anyone to talk to who's been thru some of this **** shoot me a DM.
Thank you. Looking to have the same outcome on this! Just really a wreck waiting on all the tests to find out what stage and SEER she has. The multiple lumps has me freaked.
Word of advice.....stop googling/researching. I did too much of that and I convinced myself of the worst possible outcome. Waiting for the surgery, and subsequent staging, was the most painful thing ever.
 

Mrs. Rannous

Footballguy
Chad I'm so sorry to hear this.

First of all, I'll start with my wife is 8 years cancer free!

Your initial post sounds very similar to what happened to my wife and I. She was 33 when diagnosed. Thought the lump was related to breast feeding and/or hormones.....we dismissed it, it grew and was painful....it was a big lump....went in for an ultrasound, the rest is history....I felt super guilty for not pushing her to get it checked out sooner.

My kids were 3 and 1. I thought I was going to be raising them without her. Never been that scared in my life. I'm with you....take me over my wife. She is incredible....I'm pretty average:-)

We just took it one day at a time.....surgery (bi-lat mastectomy), chemo,etc.....hard as hell, but we came out the other side, and I love her more than ever!

If you ever need anyone to talk to who's been thru some of this **** shoot me a DM.
Thank you. Looking to have the same outcome on this! Just really a wreck waiting on all the tests to find out what stage and SEER she has. The multiple lumps has me freaked.
Word of advice.....stop googling/researching. I did too much of that and I convinced myself of the worst possible outcome. Waiting for the surgery, and subsequent staging, was the most painful thing ever.
Please god, this. All that does is feed your anxiety. We can fall on that grenade for you. Until you have some sort of definitive info, you will just think she has thrips or St Vitus' Dance or something.
 

Chadstroma

Footballguy
Chad I'm so sorry to hear this.

First of all, I'll start with my wife is 8 years cancer free!

Your initial post sounds very similar to what happened to my wife and I. She was 33 when diagnosed. Thought the lump was related to breast feeding and/or hormones.....we dismissed it, it grew and was painful....it was a big lump....went in for an ultrasound, the rest is history....I felt super guilty for not pushing her to get it checked out sooner.

My kids were 3 and 1. I thought I was going to be raising them without her. Never been that scared in my life. I'm with you....take me over my wife. She is incredible....I'm pretty average:-)

We just took it one day at a time.....surgery (bi-lat mastectomy), chemo,etc.....hard as hell, but we came out the other side, and I love her more than ever!

If you ever need anyone to talk to who's been thru some of this **** shoot me a DM.
Thank you. Looking to have the same outcome on this! Just really a wreck waiting on all the tests to find out what stage and SEER she has. The multiple lumps has me freaked.
Word of advice.....stop googling/researching. I did too much of that and I convinced myself of the worst possible outcome. Waiting for the surgery, and subsequent staging, was the most painful thing ever.
I really have not done much at all. I did some before trying to help me decide what questions I wanted to ask the Doctor. Because of not having a lot of information yet I felt like Googling/"researching" could end up freaking me out more than anything.

It actually may have been to my detriment. The only other time I looked anything up was today, trying to remember what they called 'grade' when responding here. I went into a Susan B Koman page that showed survivability rates in the various stages. Even stage 3 has 66-98% survivability rates for 5 years (my guess it depends on the kind of cancer for the range) which is much better I would have come up with one my own. It actually comforted me more than anything.

As the Doctor said, this cancer "responds very well" to chemo and since she has no other health issues to complain about there is a low possibility of stage 4 (though she didn't say that... I think she phrased it in terms of spreading to other parts). It is the best I have felt since getting the news.

I froze on asking the survivability rates with the Doctor and then shut down. So, that little bit was helpful actually. I am not doing much of that anymore after having been diagnosed with Gout when I had convinced myself with my own internet research it wasn't Gout. lol
 

Chadstroma

Footballguy
I dropped her off for another test today. Before that she told me that she didn't think I should coach my sons basketball team this season due to her going through treatments and not going to be available a lot of the time to do the driving for drop off/pick up etc for the kids various sport stuff.

I am not going to lie, I enjoy coaching so it would suck for me but the thing I am really torn on is that the one thing that I thought was important with the kids was to try to keep things as normal as possible for them and for them to not lose out on things. On the other hand, I totally understand what she is saying. She isn't going to be able to help with that stuff for a long stretch and will need help for getting to appointments and just someone tending to her etc.

I did not reply to her because I am still processing it. I am not sure what the best thing to do here is.
 

Chadstroma

Footballguy
I dropped her off for another test today. Before that she told me that she didn't think I should coach my sons basketball team this season due to her going through treatments and not going to be available a lot of the time to do the driving for drop off/pick up etc for the kids various sport stuff.

I am not going to lie, I enjoy coaching so it would suck for me but the thing I am really torn on is that the one thing that I thought was important with the kids was to try to keep things as normal as possible for them and for them to not lose out on things. On the other hand, I totally understand what she is saying. She isn't going to be able to help with that stuff for a long stretch and will need help for getting to appointments and just someone tending to her etc.

I did not reply to her because I am still processing it. I am not sure what the best thing to do here is.
To clarify... I am fine not coaching for myself even though I do enjoy it.

My son has made several comments about being excited and has asked several times over the last few months making sure I was coaching and that I would be coaching his team. It is something he has been usually looking forward to for a while.
 

Mrs. Rannous

Footballguy
I dropped her off for another test today. Before that she told me that she didn't think I should coach my sons basketball team this season due to her going through treatments and not going to be available a lot of the time to do the driving for drop off/pick up etc for the kids various sport stuff.

I am not going to lie, I enjoy coaching so it would suck for me but the thing I am really torn on is that the one thing that I thought was important with the kids was to try to keep things as normal as possible for them and for them to not lose out on things. On the other hand, I totally understand what she is saying. She isn't going to be able to help with that stuff for a long stretch and will need help for getting to appointments and just someone tending to her etc.

I did not reply to her because I am still processing it. I am not sure what the best thing to do here is.
As Joe pointed out, lean on friends. Perhaps they could pick up some of the slack so you can keep coaching. I suspect it would help the kids a lot.
 

Manster

Footballguy
I dropped her off for another test today. Before that she told me that she didn't think I should coach my sons basketball team this season due to her going through treatments and not going to be available a lot of the time to do the driving for drop off/pick up etc for the kids various sport stuff.

I am not going to lie, I enjoy coaching so it would suck for me but the thing I am really torn on is that the one thing that I thought was important with the kids was to try to keep things as normal as possible for them and for them to not lose out on things. On the other hand, I totally understand what she is saying. She isn't going to be able to help with that stuff for a long stretch and will need help for getting to appointments and just someone tending to her etc.

I did not reply to her because I am still processing it. I am not sure what the best thing to do here is.
This is a tough one. A conversation needs to be had for sure. She may regret you not coaching your son after the fact.

I'm with you on trying to keep things as normal as possible for the kids. Like Joe said, lean on friends and fam. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
 

Chadstroma

Footballguy
I dropped her off for another test today. Before that she told me that she didn't think I should coach my sons basketball team this season due to her going through treatments and not going to be available a lot of the time to do the driving for drop off/pick up etc for the kids various sport stuff.

I am not going to lie, I enjoy coaching so it would suck for me but the thing I am really torn on is that the one thing that I thought was important with the kids was to try to keep things as normal as possible for them and for them to not lose out on things. On the other hand, I totally understand what she is saying. She isn't going to be able to help with that stuff for a long stretch and will need help for getting to appointments and just someone tending to her etc.

I did not reply to her because I am still processing it. I am not sure what the best thing to do here is.
As Joe pointed out, lean on friends. Perhaps they could pick up some of the slack so you can keep coaching. I suspect it would help the kids a lot.
One of our closest friends and the few that know called me today and was saying they wanted to help and doing things like driving the kids etc. I know my wife will resist as much as possible on that kind of stuff.
 

Gr00vus

Footballguy
Just my opinion, but I think you should probably honor her wishes here with the break from coaching. I coach my kid's baseball team, so I get where you're coming from. Still I figure I wouldn't want to add stress to her life, and if it's a thing she's asking for to reduce that, I'd probably do as she asked. Maybe there's another coach in your league who's good who you could ask to have your son on his team this season. You could sell it as a positive learning experience to your son, a chance to experience what it's like to not have your dad be your coach - it's not even a b.s. reason, it's a worthwhile experience. And you can tell him if he didn't love the experience, you can coach again next season (unless he's going to age out of a league you can coach in). Doesn't mean you won't do hoops with him, you can still spend quality one on one time with him practicing/playing hoops.

Just some thoughts, you know your people best, and how they'll respond.
 

Chadstroma

Footballguy
Just my opinion, but I think you should probably honor her wishes here with the break from coaching. I coach my kid's baseball team, so I get where you're coming from. Still I figure I wouldn't want to add stress to her life, and if it's a thing she's asking for to reduce that, I'd probably do as she asked. Maybe there's another coach in your league who's good who you could ask to have your son on his team this season. You could sell it as a positive learning experience to your son, a chance to experience what it's like to not have your dad be your coach - it's not even a b.s. reason, it's a worthwhile experience. And you can tell him if he didn't love the experience, you can coach again next season (unless he's going to age out of a league you can coach in). Doesn't mean you won't do hoops with him, you can still spend quality one on one time with him practicing/playing hoops.

Just some thoughts, you know your people best, and how they'll respond.
I got ya... and when she said it my thought was "Bummer, I was looking forward to it but I will send an email and cancel." but then as I thought about it, I was thinking how many times my son had made comments about being super excited and following up and making sure I was coaching and he would be on the team I was coaching.

He is the child I worry about the most when we tell the kids. He has trouble processing negative emotions. My thinking is the more I can keep things 'normal' and that he doesn't miss out on things the better it will be for him otherwise, I feel like it will just compound with more emotions like being mad about missing something or me not coaching or whatever and then feeling guilty about it and it all just piles up.

On the other hand, I want to make things as easy and stress free as possible for my wife.

I dunno.
 

Zegras11

Footballguy
Just my opinion, but I think you should probably honor her wishes here with the break from coaching. I coach my kid's baseball team, so I get where you're coming from. Still I figure I wouldn't want to add stress to her life, and if it's a thing she's asking for to reduce that, I'd probably do as she asked. Maybe there's another coach in your league who's good who you could ask to have your son on his team this season. You could sell it as a positive learning experience to your son, a chance to experience what it's like to not have your dad be your coach - it's not even a b.s. reason, it's a worthwhile experience. And you can tell him if he didn't love the experience, you can coach again next season (unless he's going to age out of a league you can coach in). Doesn't mean you won't do hoops with him, you can still spend quality one on one time with him practicing/playing hoops.

Just some thoughts, you know your people best, and how they'll respond.
I agree with this. I would also tell your son something like this.... "You know how much I love coaching you and the boys, but your mom really needs my support right now to get through this, so I'll coach next season for you."


Support for the wife is much more important than coaching and will be a great lesson for him later in life.

Thanks for the updates. Best to your wife and all of your family. Lean on anyone wanting to help. Take care of yourself as best you can. Your old GB Getzlaf15....
 

Poke_4_Life

Footballguy
Are you the only coach? Head coach? Could you remain a coach but step back to Assistant Coach? When my kids were young, we always had a main coach and then several other dads that helped when they could make games/practice, etc. Maybe a compromise like that would be tenable to you, your wife, and your son?
 

jamny

Footballguy
Just my opinion, but I think you should probably honor her wishes here with the break from coaching. I coach my kid's baseball team, so I get where you're coming from. Still I figure I wouldn't want to add stress to her life, and if it's a thing she's asking for to reduce that, I'd probably do as she asked. Maybe there's another coach in your league who's good who you could ask to have your son on his team this season. You could sell it as a positive learning experience to your son, a chance to experience what it's like to not have your dad be your coach - it's not even a b.s. reason, it's a worthwhile experience. And you can tell him if he didn't love the experience, you can coach again next season (unless he's going to age out of a league you can coach in). Doesn't mean you won't do hoops with him, you can still spend quality one on one time with him practicing/playing hoops.

Just some thoughts, you know your people best, and how they'll respond.
I agree with this. I would also tell your son something like this.... "You know how much I love coaching you and the boys, but your mom really needs my support right now to get through this, so I'll coach next season for you."


Support for the wife is much more important than coaching and will be a great lesson for him later in life.

Thanks for the updates. Best to your wife and all of your family. Lean on anyone wanting to help. Take care of yourself as best you can. Your old GB Getzlaf15....
:goodposting: I think your son needs to hear that the whole family needs to pull together and support your wife. It's not about anyone else right now.
 

madshot31

Footballguy
I'm not around these parts much but just know we are here for you friend. best wishes to the wife and family! Don't be afraid to share anything, that is what makes forums like this a great opportunity for people. Stay positive and try not to google too much if you are that type of person. 🤙
 

Chadstroma

Footballguy
Are you the only coach? Head coach? Could you remain a coach but step back to Assistant Coach? When my kids were young, we always had a main coach and then several other dads that helped when they could make games/practice, etc. Maybe a compromise like that would be tenable to you, your wife, and your son?
Normally, last season there was three of us. However, this season, I heard they might go from 3 teams to 4 and looking at the email that went out... I only recognized 2 or 3 guys that were my sons grade. One of the two coaches on our team from last season told me he wasn't doing it this year.
 

Chadstroma

Footballguy
Just my opinion, but I think you should probably honor her wishes here with the break from coaching. I coach my kid's baseball team, so I get where you're coming from. Still I figure I wouldn't want to add stress to her life, and if it's a thing she's asking for to reduce that, I'd probably do as she asked. Maybe there's another coach in your league who's good who you could ask to have your son on his team this season. You could sell it as a positive learning experience to your son, a chance to experience what it's like to not have your dad be your coach - it's not even a b.s. reason, it's a worthwhile experience. And you can tell him if he didn't love the experience, you can coach again next season (unless he's going to age out of a league you can coach in). Doesn't mean you won't do hoops with him, you can still spend quality one on one time with him practicing/playing hoops.

Just some thoughts, you know your people best, and how they'll respond.
I agree with this. I would also tell your son something like this.... "You know how much I love coaching you and the boys, but your mom really needs my support right now to get through this, so I'll coach next season for you."


Support for the wife is much more important than coaching and will be a great lesson for him later in life.

Thanks for the updates. Best to your wife and all of your family. Lean on anyone wanting to help. Take care of yourself as best you can. Your old GB Getzlaf15....
:goodposting: I think your son needs to hear that the whole family needs to pull together and support your wife. It's not about anyone else right now.
But as a just turned 9 year old, whose emotional maturity is not quite to his age, I fear putting that on him.

I went through a traumatic family experience with my sister being born with a heart defect and then passing away after about 9 months. I was 7 or 8 so not too far off from him. In some ways it impacted me in ways I didn't understand until adulthood and in some ways I think my family did a great job in taking care of a little boy during that time. When my Mom and Dad were at the hospital like 24/7 with her, my life didn't change much as I spent a lot of time with my grandparents and Aunt... which I always did anyways before and after my sister passing. But it was the family contributing like that that went a long way.

That isn't something I hashed out until just now trying to explain my thinking here. I think we need to talk about it. We really haven't talked about it. She just hit me with that the other day.
 

Zegras11

Footballguy
Just my opinion, but I think you should probably honor her wishes here with the break from coaching. I coach my kid's baseball team, so I get where you're coming from. Still I figure I wouldn't want to add stress to her life, and if it's a thing she's asking for to reduce that, I'd probably do as she asked. Maybe there's another coach in your league who's good who you could ask to have your son on his team this season. You could sell it as a positive learning experience to your son, a chance to experience what it's like to not have your dad be your coach - it's not even a b.s. reason, it's a worthwhile experience. And you can tell him if he didn't love the experience, you can coach again next season (unless he's going to age out of a league you can coach in). Doesn't mean you won't do hoops with him, you can still spend quality one on one time with him practicing/playing hoops.

Just some thoughts, you know your people best, and how they'll respond.
I agree with this. I would also tell your son something like this.... "You know how much I love coaching you and the boys, but your mom really needs my support right now to get through this, so I'll coach next season for you."


Support for the wife is much more important than coaching and will be a great lesson for him later in life.

Thanks for the updates. Best to your wife and all of your family. Lean on anyone wanting to help. Take care of yourself as best you can. Your old GB Getzlaf15....
:goodposting: I think your son needs to hear that the whole family needs to pull together and support your wife. It's not about anyone else right now.
But as a just turned 9 year old, whose emotional maturity is not quite to his age, I fear putting that on him.

I went through a traumatic family experience with my sister being born with a heart defect and then passing away after about 9 months. I was 7 or 8 so not too far off from him. In some ways it impacted me in ways I didn't understand until adulthood and in some ways I think my family did a great job in taking care of a little boy during that time. When my Mom and Dad were at the hospital like 24/7 with her, my life didn't change much as I spent a lot of time with my grandparents and Aunt... which I always did anyways before and after my sister passing. But it was the family contributing like that that went a long way.

That isn't something I hashed out until just now trying to explain my thinking here. I think we need to talk about it. We really haven't talked about it. She just hit me with that the other day.

Hey GB, I wrote what I did from our experience when my one year old son was in the ICU for 4 months having 3 open heart surgeries. His older brother and sister were 8 at the time. They are now 25/33/33.

The kids understand what's going on, especially if you talk to them openly about it. One of the kids has aspbergers. They did fine.

They want to chip in and help, even if that means just being a good kid while (for us), grandma and Grandpa, and sometimes Auntie Jill came down for a week at a time to watch them so that we could be with our son and stay at Ronald McDonald house 50 miles from home.

Sorry to be kind of blunt here, but I'm doing it as a friend... You stated it's "your" fear. That doesn't mean it's his "fear" at the moment. Kids are amazing perceptive about what's going on around them, even if they don't verbalize it. Just talk with him and always let him know you'll answer any questions as best you can about what is going on and any support he might be able to give (like a hand written get well card to his mom)

All the best GB
 

Dez89

Footballguy
Been lurking a bit, but wanted to throw in and say I'm praying for Mrs. Chad, and for you to both to go kick this thing's a$$.
 

Chadstroma

Footballguy
Yesterday was the appointment with the Oncologist. Very nice man with great bedside manner.

Most of all the tests that were done have come in except the bone one. The meeting was pretty much the best I could hope for based on what we already knew (that there were multiple tumors in her breast and armpit, grade III). One thing that was negative but I think it was more news to me than actual news is that some lymph nodes under the armpit have cancer.

Other than that the big news for me was that there was no detection of any cancer anywhere else. That is obviously huge. We still need the bone stuff to come back but the Doctor said unlikely to have anything. I asked about stage and based on everything he sees, stage 2 which again was best case scenario knowing she had localized spread for sure.

Apparently the HER2 vs hormone thing cancer use to be that the HER2 was the one you didn't want but because of advances in medicine, the HER2 is the better one to have now. He laid out three different treatment plans. The first two were the normal options and the third is a clinical trial. From what I can see the clinical trial is more about how they administer the drugs of option 1 than any different or added drugs. It is ACTH. The normal option is to give all the drugs through... 12 weeks (I think, she gave all our notes to her Dad). The clinical trial focuses on the HER2 drug side first with adding the other chemo drugs later if needed. I asked the doctor, if it was his family member, which one would he tell them to do and he said the clinical trial. My wife was leaning towards the clinical trial. We gave all the info to her father (as mentioned earlier, he is a Doctor) so he could weigh in. We are not locked into the trial and can change at any time if for any reason the Doctor or us want to. Best case is that we start and the tumor shrinks and dies then we do the surgery.

The other thing we are waiting on is the genetic testing. If not genetic then there is very little worry about it reoccurring in the other breast. If it is then it could and there may be other treatments or do surgery on both breasts.

She has to do a couple things... a heart test thing to get a baseline for one of the potential side effects of the meds and a port implant to assist with stuff and then we will begin treatment which should be somewhere between 1-2 weeks.

I am feeling way better now. I was really fighting depression. Trying to be strong for her but struggling emotionally/mentally then trying to hide that from her. Our anniversary was the 30th. 12 years. I am the *** that forgot about it that day and on top of that the gift I ordered is still not in.... and I went back in and saw that I am a moron and put 10 years on the throw rug (linen) instead of 12 years. I think because I put the date on there (10/30/10) and had 10 on my mind.... I dunno.... I am just an idiot basically. So, here is your lame late anniversary present that is actually an error hon!

Oh and it was a really odd experience watching another man feel up my wife's bare breasts for several minutes and not want to lay him out.
 

Mrs. Rannous

Footballguy
Trying to be strong for her but struggling emotionally/mentally then trying to hide that from her.
Are you sure you should do this? Some people interpret this as the other person not caring. Plainly that is not the case. You may want to share just a little.

I'm so glad the news is this good.
 

Chadstroma

Footballguy
Trying to be strong for her but struggling emotionally/mentally then trying to hide that from her.
Are you sure you should do this? Some people interpret this as the other person not caring. Plainly that is not the case. You may want to share just a little.

I'm so glad the news is this good.
I don't know if I should do or not do anything. I don't want to burden her with my struggles right now. Plus, my break down crying with the Doctor was probably a good indication to her that I care. She was fine until I cried and then she cried.
 

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