SofaKings
Footballguy
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Wife Is Beating Breast Cancer (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Chadstroma
- Start date
Chadstroma
Footballguy
yea, I got up and hugged her and held her for a bit. She pulled herself together and said "well, it's just hair"
Poke_4_Life
Footballguy
I know money is tight... but they have really good wigs if it matters that much to her. My mom just went with like a #1 guard, but she was at a later stage of life.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
I can climb out of the financial hole I am digging now later, if she wanted one she could get one. I think before she said she didn't want one. I don't know if that will change now.
IrishTwinkie
Footballguy
When chemo was looming for my wife I had basically decided that I was going full on razor/cue ball. I was going to beat her. It's not like I've got flowing locks or anything, but the gesture was going to be important for me. We ended up have a late swerve away from chemo. We just went straight into radiation, which has its own side effects, but they don't hit the ego/self image as much as the hair does.
There are wigs that are available.
There are wigs that are available.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
At the risk of further solidifying my looking like a bumbling moron...
I have had chin hair (basically a goatee but just the chin part) since I was 17 with a few times going clean shaven randomly every 4-5 years and then immediately grow it back. Today I go to take a shower and trim my chin. I start and get a noticeable amount done before I realize my trimmer's battery is dying. It is so bad that it just gets clogged with hair and doesn't cut. I have done too much to just stop.... I have no other options, so it was shave it off.... not planned, like an idiot.
Anyways, I bring it up because as I was doing it, I thought about this and shaving my head. I am not sure if my wife will like it or not which is the only thing holding me off from doing it. That and I don't want to spend money on getting a haircut when all they will do is shave it off and I don't trust myself doing it. lol
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
Ask her. I would be horrified, but she might appreciate it. Everyone is different.
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
the 2 times that I have had my balls shaved by another man (vasectomy and angiogram) the shaver was blatantly gay. the Jokes were too good to just ignore. so I just went with it. And both times the guys were great and gave me **** right back. A little levity goes a long way when you’re naked and another man has a razor to the jewels.
.all the thopras Chad!
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
Do you have a lumpy head? If so, abort! I’m always at a #1 buzz cut. I have a perfectly round Irish dome. It’s not for everyone.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
I dunno... I have NEVER gone bald before. My hair is pretty thick (I get comments from the stylists about this all the time when getting hair cuts). I normally go pretty tight on sides and back and then keep the top short but enough that it lays down. I have clean shaven then sides and back before in my youth but that was with long hair on top (bangs past my chin). Feeling my head... I don't feel lumps but I mean... that is my head.... would I know a lump was a lump other than a lump that wasn't suppose to be there?Do you have a lumpy head? If so, abort! I’m always at a #1 buzz cut. I have a perfectly round Irish dome. It’s not for everyone.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
That is crazy enough that it just might work.
Though I was thinking it would be more meaningful if it was a suprise. No idea why I think that.
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
Me neither.
Zegras11
Footballguy
I think it would be more meaningful for sure. I shaved my head the day after I graduated high school in 1977. Everyone had long hair and even white guys had afros back then. It freaked everyone out, but I didn't care.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
She has opted to not get a wig. She talked to her cousin that had bone cancer in the last couple of years and a few other people and she gets 'hot' often. If she is sweaty and what not, it is awkward to take that off etc. So, she is going with the head wrap thingees.
She has felt well enough to go to work yesterday and today (but to be honest, she is such a warrior that I don't know how well that means.... I know if it was me vs her, there are days I would be like "yea, nope, not going to go today" where she will power through). She is a regional manager at a small regional bank so she can choose which branch she goes to. She went to the same branch today as yesterday, which is not the farthest location but not close (we live inbetween two of her branches that are about 5-7 minutes from us). I commented on it and she said that it was her "safe space". I am not 100% sure what that means because she was heading out when she said it but I am guessing it is about her feeling subconscious about how she looks with the head wraps. The manager at that location is someone that use to be her assistant manager when she was a manager and would consider her a friend- so that is largely part of it.
She has felt well enough to go to work yesterday and today (but to be honest, she is such a warrior that I don't know how well that means.... I know if it was me vs her, there are days I would be like "yea, nope, not going to go today" where she will power through). She is a regional manager at a small regional bank so she can choose which branch she goes to. She went to the same branch today as yesterday, which is not the farthest location but not close (we live inbetween two of her branches that are about 5-7 minutes from us). I commented on it and she said that it was her "safe space". I am not 100% sure what that means because she was heading out when she said it but I am guessing it is about her feeling subconscious about how she looks with the head wraps. The manager at that location is someone that use to be her assistant manager when she was a manager and would consider her a friend- so that is largely part of it.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
She went to my inlaws after work to just shave her head because so has lost so much.
I found a big chunk of her hair in the ground today.
I found a big chunk of her hair in the ground today.
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
Work may also serve as a distraction for her- a way to feel more "normal" whatever that is.
Sorry about finding her hair. That had to hurt.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
Wed is treatment day. She was in very good spirits today. She showed me her hair (I didn't see it when she came home last night as she was tired and just spent some time with the kids and went to bed) she didn't shave it all but basically shaved most and then kept some on top... kind of like a very butch cut but thankfully it doesn't look butch on her. She was saying her Mom was joking about her coming out of the closet now and stuff like that. A lot of smiling and laughing then and then retelling me about it. I told her it would grow back and she was very dismissive of it like 'oh yea' and explained that when the chunks started coming out, it just hit her hard because she wasn't prepared for it to come as hard and fast as it did. She had done well with no hair loss for a while and then bam! Which apparently isn't normal as per the nurses.
I asked if I should shave my head and she laughed at me and said no. She said my shaving my goat was enough. I then told her why I shaved it... I had the option of looking dumb or just shaving it.
I asked if I should shave my head and she laughed at me and said no. She said my shaving my goat was enough. I then told her why I shaved it... I had the option of looking dumb or just shaving it.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
Appointment with the surgeon today. She was amazed that she could not locate any tumors by hand examination. She even said it was so good that she didn't feel compelled to order a CT scan which she was planning on doing unless the clinical trial required it. It appears she is having very good response to the chemo treatments. They will continue through the second week of Feb. We will then expect to have surgery in mid/late March followed by radiation.
It is uplifting to hear. A few days ago, to be vulnerable, I had a rough day. Everything just building up and then my daughter was giving me major attitude and older son was being an ### and on top of the emotional/mental burden of going through this with a lot of other things.... small and big.... being busy with everything and trying to keep the kids lives as normal as possible, work/financial stress, basically being the dog that gets kicked from my wife at times (understandable when she feels like she feels but still isn't fun for me), and many other things... leading into things about myself of being unhappy or frustrated with my health issues, weight, etc. I just had a moment of tears and needing to take big breaths, holding it and letting it out slowly and talking to God in my head. It was driving my older son to swim practice and was a night time so the kids didn't see (I had the music loud as well so they didn't hear weird breathing from me or anything). I got myself together by the time we arrived. My youngest son came up and grabbed my hand and said "Daddy, I love you." a little pause "I love you soooo much." it wasn't in response to seeing me in distress but it was one of those happy things little ones do randomly that just happened to have perfect timing for me as I needed it. It helped me get back to position of strength and move on. This win today from the Doctor continues to help build me up.
It is uplifting to hear. A few days ago, to be vulnerable, I had a rough day. Everything just building up and then my daughter was giving me major attitude and older son was being an ### and on top of the emotional/mental burden of going through this with a lot of other things.... small and big.... being busy with everything and trying to keep the kids lives as normal as possible, work/financial stress, basically being the dog that gets kicked from my wife at times (understandable when she feels like she feels but still isn't fun for me), and many other things... leading into things about myself of being unhappy or frustrated with my health issues, weight, etc. I just had a moment of tears and needing to take big breaths, holding it and letting it out slowly and talking to God in my head. It was driving my older son to swim practice and was a night time so the kids didn't see (I had the music loud as well so they didn't hear weird breathing from me or anything). I got myself together by the time we arrived. My youngest son came up and grabbed my hand and said "Daddy, I love you." a little pause "I love you soooo much." it wasn't in response to seeing me in distress but it was one of those happy things little ones do randomly that just happened to have perfect timing for me as I needed it. It helped me get back to position of strength and move on. This win today from the Doctor continues to help build me up.
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
Please remember to take care of yourself. You can't give what you do not have to your family.
Hope you have a merry Christmas and the best possible New Year.
Hope you have a merry Christmas and the best possible New Year.
Dezbelief
Footballguy
Just remember the whole family feels that way about you, even when they're being jerks and not acting like they do.
Merry Christmas!
Alex P Keaton
Footballguy
Thank you for continuing to share your family’s journey Chad. Your wife and kids are so lucky to have you in their life. Glad that you had some good news from the doc.
steelerfan1
Footballguy
So glad to hear Chad. Merry Christmas to you and your family. Please let your wife know that she is a lot of peoples thoughts and prayers.
Galileo
Footballguy
Good to hear some positive signs. Keep working the plan!
With regard to the hair loss...that is one of those "this sh!t is real moments". My wife handled it well (at least outwardly) when she lost hers. I actually shaved her head with the kids watching (mine were teenagers). She joked and laughed about it. You'll be happy to know, it did grow back. It will happen.
With regard to the hair loss...that is one of those "this sh!t is real moments". My wife handled it well (at least outwardly) when she lost hers. I actually shaved her head with the kids watching (mine were teenagers). She joked and laughed about it. You'll be happy to know, it did grow back. It will happen.
Poke_4_Life
Footballguy
Loving the positive updates Chad. Also, we all get overwhelmed at times. Listen to Mrs. R and take care of yourself.
We're here for you to vent on all you want/need. You got this.
Merry Christmas!
We're here for you to vent on all you want/need. You got this.
Merry Christmas!
SWC
Bromigo
you are a hell of a husband and dad this stuff will get to you no two ways around it but keep on keepin your head up and being strong for your family you will get through this
Senor Schmutzig
Footballguy
I"m glad you are choosing to continue the updates. It appears that it is somewhat therapeutic for you and I really don't know about those things at all. I just like the fact that you feel you have a "safe space" to come here and vent and you have a bunch of people that will listen, provide feedback, break your balls, whatever. Typical guy things. Footballguy things.
While I really don't know any of you IRL, just the fact that I could come here and spill some personal details or just have a release on anything without getting judged (too much, lol) is a good thing.
While I really don't know any of you IRL, just the fact that I could come here and spill some personal details or just have a release on anything without getting judged (too much, lol) is a good thing.
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Dang Chad. Sorry first time I'm seeing this. PM me if you want to talk, text, PM, whatever.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
Once she makes it through chemo, the surgery and radiation and gets a clean bill of health... it will be a great year.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
I know they do. I do. It is just the moment where my stress levels were already high and that just added on top breaking the camels backs so to speak. It was needed dose of medicine to have my little guy give me some loving.
Merry Christmas to you. The shrinking tumors was my early gift.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
She knows but if she found out about this thread you would never hear from me again... no one would.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
It was that one moment for her. She told me and cried. I held her. After that moment, she said she was ok... and that was it. From there on she was good (at least outwardly). She has a ton of those wrap things and hats now. She asked me one morning if one looked good on her. I reminded her a couple of times that it will grow back. Once when she told me and the another when she shaved most of her hair.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
It is helpful for me for sure. It helps me collect my thoughts and think through things which helps me mentally. It has the cathartic effect of just talking about it so it helps me emotionally. And the support of you bunch of hooligans gives strength. In this thread and more than a couple private messages. It is appreciated.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
Thanks brother
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
What makes you say that? It's essentially anonymous from her point of view. And you do need a safe space to talk. Everyone does. The SF author Spider Robinson said something like, "Shared sorrow is halved. Shared joy is doubled (or more)." Seems about right.
LawFitz
Footballguy
Do not tell her about this thread, Chad. She doesn't need to know about it. This is for you. You are stronger than you ever knew. Just because you needed this thread doesn't change that in any way. Your shoulders are pillars. I will cry on them on your behalf, while you stand tall. Strength and courage and love to you.
Alex P Keaton
Footballguy
No need for her to ever know about this thread. It can just be for you.
Then again, you haven’t said anything here that would be considered inappropriate or disrespectful. Unlike, say, some of the comments I’ve made about Mrs APK in the Beatles thread, particularly about her irrational love of Rocky Raccoon. (interjection of humor to momentarily avoid my own emotion)
In seriousness man, you know your own wife. But it's also good that you have an outlet. Hope that you and the family have a Merry Christmas.
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
Hey! I love that, too. Nothing irrational there.
Alex P Keaton
Footballguy
Errr, umm, of course not….
Chadstroma
Footballguy
She asked me the other day... "Did you tell anyone?" I thought I was dead. I did reach out to one of our closest friends that live down in Indianapolis as I had asked her a bit ago if she told them. She told me she hadn't... and listed a couple of other of her close friends that still don't know. Pretty much anyone we don't have somewhat regular contact. She hasn't told them.... not because she doesn't want to tell them but because she doesn't want them to pity her and feels awkward calling to say "I have boob cancer". I are not hiding it but we are also not advertising it either. I have not said anything on social media about it... she hadn't said anything of not doing so but I know that that would be something she would not want me to do. Now, I am being over dramatic with the being murdered hyperbole but I know she would not be happy about it. I want her happy right now. So... I don't need to tell her about this. It is for me.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
Dude... did you really need to make me cry like this like I was watching the Tuck Rule game all over?
Chadstroma
Footballguy
How can a Beatles thread get inappropriate or disrespectful and why the heck is Rocky Raccoon?
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
I didn't mean for you to tell her. I just don't think it will bother her about you posting here. We aren't calling her or pitying her at all. Or you, either, for that matter. This is pretty much a place to dump what you need to.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
Yea, just giving some color within the lines of why she doesn't need to know.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
Today is normally a treatment day but it has been canceled because her tests for her liver were too high. It makes sense because this weekend (basically Friday through Monday morning) she was not feeling well at all and spent the time in bed with various other symptoms. They need the testing for that to come back down to avoid perm damage to the liver so we are unsure when the next treatment will be. My understanding is that if we end up 'skipping' this week that will end up adding another week of treatment to the plan instead.
In a "wow, that has to be God" type of timing... I have run out of my cash reserves. That doesn't mean "we" as a family have no money but I haven't had a closed loan for a few months... partly due to market conditions, partly because of slow season, partly bad luck with losing loans for whatever reasons that just happen sometimes and very much because of being 'distracted' with all of this. As a mortgage broker, I am 100% commission so that means several months of no income on my side with increased expenses all around. My wife still works (A regional manager for a small regional bank) with accommodations from her work, her basic schedule has been day off on Wed for treatment, day off Thursday for recovery from treatment, go to work or work from home on Friday, go to work on Monday and Tuesday.... repeat. Her work has been great and helpful. How we have operated financially just always carried over from when we were seriously dating and then started living together... our income goes into our own accounts and then we are responsible for this bill and she that bill etc and then if she needed money, here or vice versa. I haven't communicated to my wife about not closing loans meaning not bringing in income because I have not wanted to stress her out... so I have been taking all the stress about it on myself. I was literally going to ask her today if she has money so I could pay various bills and was very much dreading it. Then this morning... shortly after waking up to take the kids to school and still in my morning zombie mode... my Aunt calls me (very unusual). At first, this scared the hell out of me because normally calls like this.... an odd hour from family that you don't get a lot of phone calls from means something horrible but her voice was pleasant and upbeat so the fear turned to "wtf". Now, I originally from California but when I left to come out to the Chicago area, it was only planned to be 1-2 years and I would come back. I had a dirt bike, KTM 350 and I was not about to take it with me to Chicago. So, we made an arrangement with my Aunt and Uncle that they would store the bike for me and then my cousin could use it as long as they took care with maintenance/repair etc. That was back in 2003 lol. They eventually moved from California to Alabama and asked me if I wanted to come get the bike or have them take it... which I said go ahead and take it. So, my bike has been there with them for many years. I wondered about going down and getting it and visiting with them etc but it just has never been a priority and I really don't think about it often. She then tells me a neighbor offered to buy it and if I wanted to sell it. YES! My wife then asks me what that was about and I tell her and she was like "oh good, we could use the money since you haven't closed a loan in a while right?" uh.... apparently I suck at hiding things from her.
As for my health... I have started to attack this. I am a mess with a long list of things wrong with me. I have been stubborn about things and not wanting to go on meds etc and I haven't had a primary doc for a very long time after being upset about how my previous one handled some things. However, I can't be stupid like this. My kids can't be without parents if things go south with my wife and then I am just in poor health. I picked a new primary and saw him a couple of weeks ago. Started with a ton of blood/pee tests and I have watched the test results come in. 9 different tests were done and out of them 6 were flagged with issues. Most were already known to me. He also put me on BP meds... it is odd because I FEEL better already with the BP meds. I feel more 'relaxed' and not as 'tense' mood wise. Looking at the symptoms of a lot of things, a lot of things I have been dealing with not just physically but mentally, emotionally and dispoitionally that I have HATED about myself are most likely from the issues I am dealing with or at least contributory. So, besides being around longer for my kids.... I am looking forward to overall better standard of living beyond the physical.
Just my update... more for me than you guys to be honest. I have even been reluctant to go into this stuff here to be honest. After mentioning the financial issues, I have had several of you reach out to offer help which I LOVE you guys for but haven't wanted to take the help. I haven't shared fishing for help like that but it has been an outlet for me. I found out about myself that I struggle with receiving help when I am the one usually giving the help. I can go into a dissertation about thinking about that.... and how it reflects on some of my mental health mentioned above which has been many years worth of beating myself up about being over weight and "lazy" and hating things about myself that I struggle with.... which as mentioned above, finding out some of it (maybe all?) is very likely actually medical and not me just sucking, gives me hope. Anyways... I am doing more of a stream of consciousness than anything right now but just a written throw up for me.
In a "wow, that has to be God" type of timing... I have run out of my cash reserves. That doesn't mean "we" as a family have no money but I haven't had a closed loan for a few months... partly due to market conditions, partly because of slow season, partly bad luck with losing loans for whatever reasons that just happen sometimes and very much because of being 'distracted' with all of this. As a mortgage broker, I am 100% commission so that means several months of no income on my side with increased expenses all around. My wife still works (A regional manager for a small regional bank) with accommodations from her work, her basic schedule has been day off on Wed for treatment, day off Thursday for recovery from treatment, go to work or work from home on Friday, go to work on Monday and Tuesday.... repeat. Her work has been great and helpful. How we have operated financially just always carried over from when we were seriously dating and then started living together... our income goes into our own accounts and then we are responsible for this bill and she that bill etc and then if she needed money, here or vice versa. I haven't communicated to my wife about not closing loans meaning not bringing in income because I have not wanted to stress her out... so I have been taking all the stress about it on myself. I was literally going to ask her today if she has money so I could pay various bills and was very much dreading it. Then this morning... shortly after waking up to take the kids to school and still in my morning zombie mode... my Aunt calls me (very unusual). At first, this scared the hell out of me because normally calls like this.... an odd hour from family that you don't get a lot of phone calls from means something horrible but her voice was pleasant and upbeat so the fear turned to "wtf". Now, I originally from California but when I left to come out to the Chicago area, it was only planned to be 1-2 years and I would come back. I had a dirt bike, KTM 350 and I was not about to take it with me to Chicago. So, we made an arrangement with my Aunt and Uncle that they would store the bike for me and then my cousin could use it as long as they took care with maintenance/repair etc. That was back in 2003 lol. They eventually moved from California to Alabama and asked me if I wanted to come get the bike or have them take it... which I said go ahead and take it. So, my bike has been there with them for many years. I wondered about going down and getting it and visiting with them etc but it just has never been a priority and I really don't think about it often. She then tells me a neighbor offered to buy it and if I wanted to sell it. YES! My wife then asks me what that was about and I tell her and she was like "oh good, we could use the money since you haven't closed a loan in a while right?" uh.... apparently I suck at hiding things from her.
As for my health... I have started to attack this. I am a mess with a long list of things wrong with me. I have been stubborn about things and not wanting to go on meds etc and I haven't had a primary doc for a very long time after being upset about how my previous one handled some things. However, I can't be stupid like this. My kids can't be without parents if things go south with my wife and then I am just in poor health. I picked a new primary and saw him a couple of weeks ago. Started with a ton of blood/pee tests and I have watched the test results come in. 9 different tests were done and out of them 6 were flagged with issues. Most were already known to me. He also put me on BP meds... it is odd because I FEEL better already with the BP meds. I feel more 'relaxed' and not as 'tense' mood wise. Looking at the symptoms of a lot of things, a lot of things I have been dealing with not just physically but mentally, emotionally and dispoitionally that I have HATED about myself are most likely from the issues I am dealing with or at least contributory. So, besides being around longer for my kids.... I am looking forward to overall better standard of living beyond the physical.
Just my update... more for me than you guys to be honest. I have even been reluctant to go into this stuff here to be honest. After mentioning the financial issues, I have had several of you reach out to offer help which I LOVE you guys for but haven't wanted to take the help. I haven't shared fishing for help like that but it has been an outlet for me. I found out about myself that I struggle with receiving help when I am the one usually giving the help. I can go into a dissertation about thinking about that.... and how it reflects on some of my mental health mentioned above which has been many years worth of beating myself up about being over weight and "lazy" and hating things about myself that I struggle with.... which as mentioned above, finding out some of it (maybe all?) is very likely actually medical and not me just sucking, gives me hope. Anyways... I am doing more of a stream of consciousness than anything right now but just a written throw up for me.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
She's got this... I am just along for the ride.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
Oh and I forgot the other part of timing along with the selling of the bike.... I won one league and placed second in another, so some added cash coming my way there too!
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
That's great. She really, really likes you.
(Seriously. She knows you and sees you.)
Wrigley
Footballguy
my wife is 8 years breast cancer free.
Stay positive
You are her greatest advocate.
Chadstroma
Footballguy
I love it... I love hearing so many examples of women who have beat this. And very glad to hear it of your woman GB!
At the start of this, I was honestly ignorant. You hear cancer and you are hit with a tsunami of gloom and doom. Having some progress and then the encouragement of others success is very helpful to turn that around and be hopeful and positive.
