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Wile E. Coyote (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter perry147
- Start date
Foosball God
Foos
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Wile E. Coyote...Genius. I am not selling anything nor am I working my way through college, so let's get down to cases. You are a rabbit and I am going to eat you for supper. Now don't try to get away! I am more muscular, more cunning, faster and larger than you are...and I'm a genius. While you could hardly pass the entrance examinations to kindergarten. So I'm going to give you the customary two minutes to say your prayers.
The Kansas Comet
Footballguy
I liked the catapult with a big rock. That thing squashed him every way possible.
Ghost Rider
Footballguy
"Oh, why do they always have to do it the hard way?"
Maroney=Sped
Footballguy
flysack
Footballguy
I just got a new sig line.
Maroney=Sped
Footballguy
Other: earthquake pills. 
flysack
Footballguy
Oooo.....good one.Other: earthquake pills.
Maroney=Sped
Footballguy
THE LAWS OF CARTOON PHYSICS
1: Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
(Exception: This does not apply to cool characters who've never studied law.)
(Appendum: Any species capable of flight, upon distraction of vertigo, will lose ability of flight. Conversely, any two feathers held in each hand and waved will (temporarily) give flight to any character that does so.)
2: Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder ####### their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
3: Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony (Dentist
) often catalyzes this reaction.
4: The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.
Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it inevitably unsuccessful.
5: All principles of gravity are negated by fear.
Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground, especially when in flight.
6: As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.
This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled.
A `wacky' character has the option of self-replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.
7: Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot.
This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space.
The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.
(Corollary: Portable holes work.)
8: Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.
Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify.
Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.
(Corollary 2: Cartoons cats have the uncanny ability to emit piano sounds when their teeth are transformed into piano keys after having a piano dropped on them.)
9: Everything falls faster than an anvil.
Examples too numerous to mention from the Roadrunner cartoons.
10: For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.
This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.
ADDITIONAL LAWS OF CARTOON PHYSICS
# If a tree falls on a character, it results in a partially elastic collision, repeatedly bouncing off their head until they are driven into the ground.
# It is possible for fire to spread by becoming temporarily animate.
# Any alligator, when punched, will fly up in the air returning to the ground as a nice set of matched luggage or perhaps as a nifty pair of boots.
# Objects launched into the air need not follow parabolic trajectories.
# Intelligence is inversely proportional to body size.
# Firearms are relatively ineffectual weapons (unless, of course, your intent is to blacken someones face, make it difficult for them to drink, and hold, water, or remove bills or feathers).
# Drawings are real as long as you're not aware they're drawings.
# A 'toon's GI-tract will always expand linearly in proportion to the object being swallowed regardless of the object's size.
# A vehicle's speed is limited only by the size of the numbers written on the speedometer.
# Pretending one is stepping on brakes is as good as having them.
# Holes are moveable.
# Drawings and constructs warp reality so as to encompass them. This warping of reality often does not extend to the artist or builder.
1: Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
(Exception: This does not apply to cool characters who've never studied law.)
(Appendum: Any species capable of flight, upon distraction of vertigo, will lose ability of flight. Conversely, any two feathers held in each hand and waved will (temporarily) give flight to any character that does so.)
2: Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder ####### their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
3: Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony (Dentist
) often catalyzes this reaction.4: The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.
Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it inevitably unsuccessful.
5: All principles of gravity are negated by fear.
Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground, especially when in flight.
6: As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.
This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled.
A `wacky' character has the option of self-replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.
7: Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot.
This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space.
The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.
(Corollary: Portable holes work.)
8: Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.
Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify.
Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.
(Corollary 2: Cartoons cats have the uncanny ability to emit piano sounds when their teeth are transformed into piano keys after having a piano dropped on them.)
9: Everything falls faster than an anvil.
Examples too numerous to mention from the Roadrunner cartoons.
10: For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.
This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.
ADDITIONAL LAWS OF CARTOON PHYSICS
# If a tree falls on a character, it results in a partially elastic collision, repeatedly bouncing off their head until they are driven into the ground.
# It is possible for fire to spread by becoming temporarily animate.
# Any alligator, when punched, will fly up in the air returning to the ground as a nice set of matched luggage or perhaps as a nifty pair of boots.
# Objects launched into the air need not follow parabolic trajectories.
# Intelligence is inversely proportional to body size.
# Firearms are relatively ineffectual weapons (unless, of course, your intent is to blacken someones face, make it difficult for them to drink, and hold, water, or remove bills or feathers).
# Drawings are real as long as you're not aware they're drawings.
# A 'toon's GI-tract will always expand linearly in proportion to the object being swallowed regardless of the object's size.
# A vehicle's speed is limited only by the size of the numbers written on the speedometer.
# Pretending one is stepping on brakes is as good as having them.
# Holes are moveable.
# Drawings and constructs warp reality so as to encompass them. This warping of reality often does not extend to the artist or builder.
Doctor Detroit
Please remove your headgear
Anvil and Birdseed not getting nearly as much love as it should.
Grace Under Pressure
Footballguy
Blocking and tackling folks. Can't run before you walk.
Maroney=Sped
Footballguy
zamboni
Footballguy
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is mud. Great poll, BTW. Not an easy decision and one that should not be taken lightly. Went with the giant bow barely over the faux rockface.
Godsbrother
Footballguy
I always like the giant coyote robot. Another fave of mine was the freezer/ice maker strapped to his back while he was on skis ... brilliant!
Maroney=Sped
Footballguy
Gigantomachia
Footballguy
My wasn't listed: Birdseed and Painted Highway at the edge of the Cliff! Beep, beep!!
Gigantomachia
Footballguy
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Pipes
Footballguy
Tom Servo
Nittany Beavers
Just keep it simple folks.
Doctor Detroit
Please remove your headgear
I tried this in Kansas City one time trying to get away from a fat chick, worked like a charm.
wrong turn in Albuquerque?I tried this in Kansas City one time trying to get away from a fat chick, worked like a charm.
Galileo
Footballguy
rockaction
Footballguy
I went anvil and birdseed. Peck. Peck. Peck.
kentric
Footballguy
rockaction
Footballguy
I never liked the cartoon as a youngster. It's now one of my favorites.
Willllle E. Coyote, Super Genius.
Willllle E. Coyote, Super Genius.
zamboni
Footballguy
rockaction
Footballguy
RedmondLonghorn
Footballguy
I have always thought he claimed to be a "supra" genius, whatever that is.
ETA: And I just found the episode where he talked to the viewer and I was wrong.
ETA: And I just found the episode where he talked to the viewer and I was wrong.
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RedmondLonghorn
Footballguy
kentric
Footballguy
I watched it in the hope that one day Wiley would catch the damn "beep beep" roadrunner. Disliked the roadrunner as much as Tweety Bird. Wish Sylvester would just swallow it and get the show over with.I never liked the cartoon as a youngster. It's now one of my favorites.
Willllle E. Coyote, Super Genius.
Village Idiot
Pokerguy
Acme Tornado Kit.
Jayrod
Footballguy
Was going to post this exact thing.
Beautiful in both its simplicity and failure of execution.
Leeroy Jenkins
Footballguy
I think it's actually "meep meep"
