Work/Mental Health Situation - What to do? (1 Viewer)

[Mr. Mardi Gras]

To keep it brief - yes, this is an alias.

I work for a small company, 50-55 people in total. I have a coworker, let's call him John. John is a bit of an odd bird - nice guy, but has a very defeatist, depressing attitude. He routinely beats himself up over the smallest work and personal issues.

Over time as we've gotten to know each other, it has become pretty clear to me and a handful of our close coworkers that John is most likely very clinically depressed. To illustrate, maybe a year or so ago, he relayed to us a story - he is close with his parents, who live nearby, and they are avid hunters who own a significant number of guns. John had recently broken up with a girlfriend right before his parents were to go out of town 2-3 years ago. His parents were so worried about his mental state and him getting into the guns that they stored all of them at a friend's house because they did not trust him to be around the guns without them present.

Over the past year or so, John's work quality has slipped. He has not progressed to where he should be in his career, though it's not for lack of trying. He is routinely one of the first-in and last-out of the office, and even called me on a Saturday afternoon just recently with a work question when no one else was in the office. Quite frankly, he lives to work right now.

I was informed privately last week by one of the owners of the company that John will be fired this upcoming Thursday or Friday (it was unclear and I didn't ask). To the best of my knowledge, only the other owners, perhaps HR and perhaps John's manager know that he will be terminated. None of them knows John as well as the rest of us do. To put it bluntly, I am afraid that John will either kill himself or come back and try to shoot up the office. I am legitimately concerned about both of these situations (mostly the suicide angle though). What would you do in this situation? Part of me thinks I should mind my own business and keep my mouth shut. But if anything were to happen to him, I'm not sure I could forgive myself for not speaking up.

 

[MC Gas Money]

Can you express these concerns to a superior without sounding weird?

Edit

What I mean is do you have a relationship with a superior where you can be open and honest with them who wont think you are weird........not that I think that you will say it weird

 

[Galileo]

Why don't you take him fishing. It might cheer him up.

 

[Insein]

Yea I don't think its unreasonable with all the recent mental health news stories in the last few years where "if only someone said something" could it have been prevented. Express your concerns.

 

[MC Gas Money]

There may also be an upside here.

Sounds like you have a good relationship with him. Chances are if he comes back with a gun he will just grease a few executives......next thing you know you are looking at a promotion.

 

[sublimeone]

Why is this even a question? Of coarse you bring your concerns to the ownership/ management.

 

[CurlyNight]

Definitely speak up. No 2 thoughts about it. Like you said, you don't want to be at the wrong end of the "what if." GL

 

[Jayrod]

But for the grace of God, I've been about two steps away from where John in recent years.

He's likely working so many hours because he can't make himself push through and get his work done.

Which is probably why he is getting fired. It is either his work performance or maybe they've been watching him closely and he's done something they couldn't let go like lied to cover his tracks or stolen something.

When you are in a downward spiral like that, nothing seems to help and you feel stupid because you know it doesn't make sense what you are doing to yourself but you just can't snap out of it consistently enough to stay on top of things. Then things go from bad to worse and fear causes you to freeze up and then you think the only way to get out of it is to die.

If this is what he is going through, he needs professional help and probably some medication to get his brain right again. The job will have to go, but it may be the catalyst he needs to start on a path of recovery.

 

[Parmcat]

YES....you must tell someone.

The silver lining in this may be, that the managers will not fire him, but put him on a sick leave, and maybe get him help, if he wants it. It will be an awkward conversation, but one that could pay off greatly down the line.

GL with your decision

 

[Baloney Sandwich]

I think you go to the owner that told you he would be fired and let him know your concerns. I would think it would be poor form if the company hasn't had discussions with your friend about his performance. Typically, companies want to cover themselves when firing an employee by issuing warnings and perhaps instituting a performance improvement plan. I would be surprised if the firing ends up being a shock to your friend. I doubt the owners change course because of your conversation with them so perhaps you need to reach out to his parents the day of the firing. Friday afternoons are the best time to let go an employee that might cause problems.

 

[Cjw_55106]

Simply relay the info you layed out in the opening post to the owner.

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

.

Good luck. :(

 

[NutterButter]

Start wearing kevlar

 

[Mr. Mardi Gras]

I think you go to the owner that told you he would be fired and let him know your concerns. I would think it would be poor form if the company hasn't had discussions with your friend about his performance. Typically, companies want to cover themselves when firing an employee by issuing warnings and perhaps instituting a performance improvement plan. I would be surprised if the firing ends up being a shock to your friend. I doubt the owners change course because of your conversation with them so perhaps you need to reach out to his parents the day of the firing. Friday afternoons are the best time to let go an employee that might cause problems.

I tend to think it would not be a surprise to John. I am close with his manager, and my understanding is that he's been talked to several times about his performance, though I don't have too many more specific details than that.

 

[belljr]

I'm normally a MMOFB person, but nowadays I'd probably say something.

 

[[icon]]

Simple solution... make your office a gun-free zone and voila.. he can't enter with the guns and hurt anyone!

 

[NutterButter]

Simple solution... make your office a gun-free zone and voila.. he can't enter with the guns and hurt anyone!

oh boy. here we go.

 

[[icon]]

But for the grace of God, I've been about two steps away from where John in recent years.

He's likely working so many hours because he can't make himself push through and get his work done.

Which is probably why he is getting fired. It is either his work performance or maybe they've been watching him closely and he's done something they couldn't let go like lied to cover his tracks or stolen something.

When you are in a downward spiral like that, nothing seems to help and you feel stupid because you know it doesn't make sense what you are doing to yourself but you just can't snap out of it consistently enough to stay on top of things. Then things go from bad to worse and fear causes you to freeze up and then you think the only way to get out of it is to die.

If this is what he is going through, he needs professional help and probably some medication to get his brain right again. The job will have to go, but it may be the catalyst he needs to start on a path of recovery.

Shtick aside....... This is a great post. Hope all is well jayrod.

 

[Mr. Mardi Gras]

But for the grace of God, I've been about two steps away from where John in recent years.

He's likely working so many hours because he can't make himself push through and get his work done.

Which is probably why he is getting fired. It is either his work performance or maybe they've been watching him closely and he's done something they couldn't let go like lied to cover his tracks or stolen something.

When you are in a downward spiral like that, nothing seems to help and you feel stupid because you know it doesn't make sense what you are doing to yourself but you just can't snap out of it consistently enough to stay on top of things. Then things go from bad to worse and fear causes you to freeze up and then you think the only way to get out of it is to die.

If this is what he is going through, he needs professional help and probably some medication to get his brain right again. The job will have to go, but it may be the catalyst he needs to start on a path of recovery.

Downward spiral is probably a good way to describe it. It's clear that he's had a scare put into him from his various discussions with management, but instead of rising through the adversity, he's just floundered and dug himself deeper into a hole. He's working his ### off but his work is deteriorating, when it was his work quality (not his work ethic) that was the problem to begin with.

I don't know enough about any degenerate habits he may have - though I do know he was at the strip club several times a week for a year or so. He's been dating a girl for the past 8 months or so and has cut down significantly on the strip club, I believe. She's really the only thing I think that could hold him back at this point.

 

[eoMMan]

Along with talking to management, I suggest talking to him and let him know he has a friend. Someone to vent to. Why is his work crappy now? Can you help or advise him in some way?

Is his girlfriend giving him enough blue dots? Could this be the problem?

 

[Mr. Mardi Gras]

Along with talking to management, I suggest talking to him and let him know he has a friend. Someone to vent to. Why is his work crappy now? Can you help or advise him in some way?

Is his girlfriend giving him enough blue dots? Could this be the problem?

I'm afraid that if I make a big deal out of it to him out of nowhere, he will know that the firing is coming. Technically I am the low-man on the management totem pole, so he knows that I am privy to some information he doesn't know - though, as I said, this is not public knowledge yet, the rest of management does not know.

His girlfriend lives a few hours away. They see each other every other weekend or so. She's been very good for him, because he was in an even worse state before they got together.

He has always struck me as, for lack of a better term, a headcase. I'm sure you've all worked or played sports with one of these guys. When things are going well, he's cruising, crushing work, closing deals, hitting homers, scoring 20 points in a pickup game. But when things are going poorly, he shoots 3/18 from the field, bats .150 in beer league softball, and can't get out of his own head. He's the reverse Robert Horry...the going gets tough, and he crumbles. That's about where he is right now, career-wise.

 

[Chemical X]

tell an adult and call in sick.

 

[Spike]

Trust your gut.

 

[[icon]]

Trust your gut.

Yep.

 

[Mr. Mardi Gras]

I sat down with our HR director and told her my concerns. She did confirm that he will be fired later this week and that they were aware of his, we'll say fragile mental situation, but that she was surprised about my suicide comments. She asked some questions, has he been talking about it, has he talked about it in the past, etc. I told her that I have no indication that he's suicidal, but that I do believe he's very depressed, told her the gun story, and my concern that losing his job - which he has worked his ### off to keep in the past year - might put him over the edge.

I guess it's out of my hands now. I hope it all works out. :(

Thanks for the insight, guys.

 

[El Floppo]

sounds like you made the right choice.

but remember to serpentine just in case. gl!

 

[AcerFC]

Good luck Mr. MG

If all else fails, take him to the club that your avatar is dancing in. Nothing but happiness in that place

 

[Bucky86]

I'd take a vacation the few days after he's let go...

 

[Mr. Mardi Gras]

Just to update, the axe fell this morning.

He seems to be taking it okay, he's been texting me since it happened. Cross my fingers.

 

[Chemical X]

seems like he may spare you.....

 

[MC Gas Money]

Just to update, the axe fell this morning.

He seems to be taking it okay, he's been texting me since it happened. Cross my fingers.

Transcript?

 

[Cjw_55106]

Just to update, the axe fell this morning.

He seems to be taking it okay, he's been texting me since it happened. Cross my fingers.

No matter what happens (hopefully nothing), rest assured that you did the right thing.

 

[Baloney Sandwich]

Never axe a potential problem employee on a Thursday, you do it on a Friday afternoon so that they have the weekend to cool off. No sense leaving open the possibility that he comes back Thursday afternoon or Friday with guns blazing.

 

[sbonomo]

Any incidents yet?

 

[[icon]]

No matter WHAT happened at work, The OP should never post on this forum using this alias again. This thread will become instantlegend™

 

[CurlyNight]

Never axe a potential problem employee on a Thursday, you do it on a Friday afternoon so that they have the weekend to cool off. No sense leaving open the possibility that he comes back Thursday afternoon or Friday with guns blazing.

I've never seen a firing done on a day other than a Friday as well, unless the person must be let go now for good reason which I didn't get the impression it was. Glad it went 'ok but man, what a chance to take.