Soulfly3
Footballguy
I promised this story a while back, so here she is.
I decided to start it's own thread because I need a clean slate to relive this story. 110% factual, on the life of my beautiful dog.
Rewind about 6 years ago, where I am completing my Master's degree down in Australia, and living the dream of a Canadian 20 something - living on the beach, meeting gorgeous women from around the world who are also there for school, partying with them, meeting some cool dudes from around the globe as well... Anyways, this part is fairly irrelevant, but just some background as to why I was there.
Hit it off with a few girls.... School down there is literally an excuse to have copious amounts of sex w girls from all around. New flavors etc... Awesome. Connected pretty well with one girl from Germany... She was pretty hot, nice body, and cool as #### to be around.
We decide to go to Fiji (a very short flight from the coast in Aus)... Was always on my "to-do" list since I was a kid looking at my dad's travel mags.
So we book it. Awesome. Land there. Smolderingly hot and humid, but wicked. Get to our hostel, which was swarming w ppl our age just partying... Beach is decent but the water is brown. Im pretty pissed, but come to find out Fiji is comprised of 333 islands (thought it was 1), and the main island is pretty filthy and teeming w leeches trying to get your money.
Ok, let's leave.
Girl suggests we rent out a sailboat for the week.. you get a captain, a co-captain, and a "chef" that travels w you to about 5-6 different islands, where you spend the night and have a blast. Sounds good. We book it.
Captain and co-captain are about 300 pounds of rock hard, Samoan strength. Freaks. The "chef" is a super milf from sweden who basically just makes fish and sandwhiches for us, and is a friend of the owner of the boat, and just tagging along (planned on banging her... did not even come within a country mile of doing so)
Day 1 and 2 are nice.... We hit an island, where there has to be less than 50 indigenous ppl living on it, non speak english and theyre staring at us like theyd never seen a white man before. Intimidating, but turns out they were very nice. They cook us a traditional diner there, with a chicken cooked underground, a bunch of root veggies and things of that nature. All very tasty.
We get back on the boat to sail off to our next destination... The captain is pretty pisstanked from the Kava (a drink that is similar to a painkiller... everyone drinks it there)
------------------------------------------------------------
Story begins.
As I try to fall asleep, my stomach starts rumbling... I get a bit embarassed as its getting loud, and all of us are sleeping in the same "room" comprised of 2 bunks... so me, my girl, and the swedish milf cook....
oh, and I should mention, THE PUMP TOILET WAS IN THE SAME ROOM WITH US, closed not by a door... but a swinging half door where you can see the upper body of whoever is sitting on the crapper.
tummy keeps rumbling and I feel an instant sweat come on... Im drenched and start getting freezing cold, despite the 80 degree weather. my stomach is now about as loud as a diesel engine, and there's no hiding it anymore...
"Im sooo sorry" and I run to the toilet, barely get my pants down, and PURE BROWN WATER. This stuff sounded like an ice bucket challenge on steroids, played over a dolby system, laced with wet bubble farts.
I bury my head in my hands, drenched... shaking... knowing the two girls are mere inches away from me hearing and smelling the carnage... they pretend to not hear it and act as if they are sleeping.... but they arent fooling me...
I continue to unleash hell from my backside, adding in fits of vomiting... so Im crapping water, turning around a second later and having to vomit on my diarrhea... while trying to pump the crap down with a hand pump.
Eventually the swedish milf gets up and starts mothering me, telling me all is well, drik up, it's natural, dont be ashamed... im in the middle of the ocean, miles from land, with the most severe bout of food poisoning imaginable, with two good looking women stuck in my doodoo trenches.
both girls were super cool about it, but for 3 days, i was ingesting water and watching it leave my body within seconds. was convinced I would die at sea... surrounded by two women, I hoped to bang in a 3way, watching me explode about once every 2 minutes from my every orifice.
I had blood dripping from my ######, using the roughest TP on the planet, all while a storm rolled in and we hit about 8ft waves.
This was my dream Fiji vacation.
Point of the story - If the 2 samoan captains of your sailboat dont eat a dish that's prepared, you shouldnt either.
Worst moment of my life, and it isnt close.
I decided to start it's own thread because I need a clean slate to relive this story. 110% factual, on the life of my beautiful dog.
Rewind about 6 years ago, where I am completing my Master's degree down in Australia, and living the dream of a Canadian 20 something - living on the beach, meeting gorgeous women from around the world who are also there for school, partying with them, meeting some cool dudes from around the globe as well... Anyways, this part is fairly irrelevant, but just some background as to why I was there.
Hit it off with a few girls.... School down there is literally an excuse to have copious amounts of sex w girls from all around. New flavors etc... Awesome. Connected pretty well with one girl from Germany... She was pretty hot, nice body, and cool as #### to be around.
We decide to go to Fiji (a very short flight from the coast in Aus)... Was always on my "to-do" list since I was a kid looking at my dad's travel mags.
So we book it. Awesome. Land there. Smolderingly hot and humid, but wicked. Get to our hostel, which was swarming w ppl our age just partying... Beach is decent but the water is brown. Im pretty pissed, but come to find out Fiji is comprised of 333 islands (thought it was 1), and the main island is pretty filthy and teeming w leeches trying to get your money.
Ok, let's leave.
Girl suggests we rent out a sailboat for the week.. you get a captain, a co-captain, and a "chef" that travels w you to about 5-6 different islands, where you spend the night and have a blast. Sounds good. We book it.
Captain and co-captain are about 300 pounds of rock hard, Samoan strength. Freaks. The "chef" is a super milf from sweden who basically just makes fish and sandwhiches for us, and is a friend of the owner of the boat, and just tagging along (planned on banging her... did not even come within a country mile of doing so)
Day 1 and 2 are nice.... We hit an island, where there has to be less than 50 indigenous ppl living on it, non speak english and theyre staring at us like theyd never seen a white man before. Intimidating, but turns out they were very nice. They cook us a traditional diner there, with a chicken cooked underground, a bunch of root veggies and things of that nature. All very tasty.
We get back on the boat to sail off to our next destination... The captain is pretty pisstanked from the Kava (a drink that is similar to a painkiller... everyone drinks it there)
------------------------------------------------------------
Story begins.
As I try to fall asleep, my stomach starts rumbling... I get a bit embarassed as its getting loud, and all of us are sleeping in the same "room" comprised of 2 bunks... so me, my girl, and the swedish milf cook....
oh, and I should mention, THE PUMP TOILET WAS IN THE SAME ROOM WITH US, closed not by a door... but a swinging half door where you can see the upper body of whoever is sitting on the crapper.
tummy keeps rumbling and I feel an instant sweat come on... Im drenched and start getting freezing cold, despite the 80 degree weather. my stomach is now about as loud as a diesel engine, and there's no hiding it anymore...
"Im sooo sorry" and I run to the toilet, barely get my pants down, and PURE BROWN WATER. This stuff sounded like an ice bucket challenge on steroids, played over a dolby system, laced with wet bubble farts.
I bury my head in my hands, drenched... shaking... knowing the two girls are mere inches away from me hearing and smelling the carnage... they pretend to not hear it and act as if they are sleeping.... but they arent fooling me...
I continue to unleash hell from my backside, adding in fits of vomiting... so Im crapping water, turning around a second later and having to vomit on my diarrhea... while trying to pump the crap down with a hand pump.
Eventually the swedish milf gets up and starts mothering me, telling me all is well, drik up, it's natural, dont be ashamed... im in the middle of the ocean, miles from land, with the most severe bout of food poisoning imaginable, with two good looking women stuck in my doodoo trenches.
both girls were super cool about it, but for 3 days, i was ingesting water and watching it leave my body within seconds. was convinced I would die at sea... surrounded by two women, I hoped to bang in a 3way, watching me explode about once every 2 minutes from my every orifice.
I had blood dripping from my ######, using the roughest TP on the planet, all while a storm rolled in and we hit about 8ft waves.
This was my dream Fiji vacation.
Point of the story - If the 2 samoan captains of your sailboat dont eat a dish that's prepared, you shouldnt either.
Worst moment of my life, and it isnt close.
