What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Wrong Time to Fart (1 Viewer)

fantasycurse42

fantasycurse42

Footballguy Jr.
On the elevator, get on at the 17th floor (this elevator and two others only go from 11-18 so they are usually empty)... Let one go, rotten smelly broccoli/asparagus fart. Elevator stops at 12 and two ridiculously hot girls get in. The door closes and I say "this elevator smells terrible (I couldn't just ignore it)"... They attempt to smile and nod, but I see the look of disgust in their faces. Most unpleasant hot girl elevator ride of my life! Never farting in the elevator again!!

1) How would you of handled? Just ignored terrible smell?

2) Any ill timed fart stories?

 
fantasycurse42 said:
On the elevator, get on at the 17th floor (this elevator and two others only go from 11-18 so they are usually empty)... Let one go, rotten smelly broccoli/asparagus fart. Elevator stops at 12 and two ridiculously hot girls get in. The door closes and I say "this elevator smells terrible (I couldn't just ignore it)"... They attempt to smile and nod, but I see the look of disgust in their faces. Most unpleasant hot girl elevator ride of my life! Never farting in the elevator again!!

1) How would you of handled? Just ignored terrible smell?

2) Any ill timed fart stories?
Click to expand...
And you FLIP IT

 
fantasycurse42 said:
On the elevator, get on at the 17th floor (this elevator and two others only go from 11-18 so they are usually empty)... Let one go, rotten smelly broccoli/asparagus fart. Elevator stops at 12 and two ridiculously hot girls get in. The door closes and I say "this elevator smells terrible (I couldn't just ignore it)".They attempt to smile and nod, but I see the look of disgust in their faces. Most unpleasant hot girl elevator ride of my life! Never farting in the elevator again!!

1) How would you of handled? Just ignored terrible smell?

2) Any ill timed fart stories?
Click to expand...
:lmao: I did a similar thing once, except for that I was getting off the elevator as the girl was getting on. I knew that ride down must have been absolute misery for her. I later regretting not warning her of the bad-smelling elevator, so that I could at least attempt to deflect the blame. I think your move was strong.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I glued fake dog poop to the bottom of my shoe. Then whenever I get caught in that situation, I just lift my foot and ask the hot girl "Is there something on my shoe?. I think I stepped in crap on the way in."

 
Sophomore year, we were taking the MCAS test. The teacher explained that we couldn't get up, talk, or raise our hands to ask questions before we finished our tests. Well, HS me had to fart, but I figured I'll just finish the test first and then go since I didn't want to be that one kid who didn't follow directions. However, I severely underestimated how bad I had to fart and how much was being held inside me. The pressure kept building and building...it was unbearable! Minutes passed, then a half hour. I was dying on the inside and the pre-poop farts were getting smellier and smellier and more frequent. I could just remember the TA discussing with the teacher the awful smell, and acted like they had no idea what was going on. Eventually I caved under the pressure of both the situation and my bowels exploded. :bag:

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I farted once at the junior high science fair while talking to some hot girls. Smelled so awful that one of them actually asked, "Did you fart?"

ALso, when I was a junior in college I was intimately acquainting my tongue with the front side nether regions of a young freshman named Casey in the backseat of my Mustang when she let one rip. I was shlammered and kept at it until she said, "I really should go in (to the dorm)". Ok, cool, whatever. She probably really needed to take a dump.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
fantasycurse42 said:
Abraham said:
ALso, when I was a junior in college I was intimately acquainting my tongue with the front side nether regions of a young freshman named Casey in the backseat of my Mustang when she let one rip.
Click to expand...
:lmao:
Click to expand...
Oh, the stories I could tell. She ended up marrying one of my fraternity brothers who I really liked. But in the years since our friendship has cooled, probably because I ####ed his future wife every night for a year when she was 18 and he didn't.

 
Ever do this when it's not your fault? Like, I can remember walking into a small office bathroom in a converted ranch house where someone had just taken a massive dump. I was urinating, miserable, and then left. Of course, on my way out, there's a hot -- I mean, hot -- girl waiting to use the bathroom.

"Not me," I think I said. There's no way she could have believed me. Awful. :bag:

 
MAC_32 said:
fantasycurse42 said:
2) Any ill timed fart stories?
Click to expand...
just about any time one of my employees walk into my office unannounced.
Click to expand...
I rarely let one go in my office, but as soon as I did (and it smelled like rotten egg salad) a girl who reports to me walked right in. I threw my finger up as if to ask her to be quiet, and I was nodding my head acting like I was listening to a conference call on speakerphone. She turned around and walked out without saying a word. I then realized of course that she wasn't going to buy that since I was nodding my head to silence on the speakerphone. I walked over (hopeful that perhaps she didn't catch a whiff) and asked if she needed anything, and she replied "I had to switch to mouth breathing mode". Probably a top 10 embarrassment in my lifetime.

 
Yea. OP was playing this right, he just lost his nerve.

I ran into a similar situation at the gym, recently. My friend, who is notorious for ripping SBDs, dropped a real treat as we were leaving a machine. This big dude was walking over and he asked if we were through. Pointing at my friend, I said, yes, but he just farted all over that machine. The big guy sort of giggled, real effeminate like, and said he would avoid the area for awhile. My friend was annoyed. Why do you always have to do that, he asked. Because, if I didn't, the big guy might have thought I was the one with the stinky butthole, I explained.

 
Arid Filch said:
Yea. OP was playing this right, he just lost his nerve.

I ran into a similar situation at the gym, recently. My friend, who is notorious for ripping SBDs, dropped a real treat as we were leaving a machine. This big dude was walking over and he asked if we were through. Pointing at my friend, I said, yes, but he just farted all over that machine. The big guy sort of giggled, real effeminate like, and said he would avoid the area for awhile. My friend was annoyed. Why do you always have to do that, he asked. Because, if I didn't, the big guy might have thought I was the one with the stinky butthole, I explained.
Click to expand...
Aunt####er.

 
avoiding injuries said:
I sneezed and farted at the same time during a test in 7th grade English class. That was a rough week.
Click to expand...
I still remember an incident from my 7th grade English class. The teacher was super hardcore...I mean nobody messed with her. So it's pin-drop quiet in there and my buddy gets up to sharpen his pencil. On his way up the aisle, he gives another buddy a quick shot to the ribs, knowing the other guy can't say or do anything about it or the teacher would go off. Unbeknownst to him though, buddy #2 had been holding in a fart for like 20 minutes, to the point where he was almost doubled over. When the first guy jabbed in in the side, he erupted with one of the loudest farts I've ever heard.

So a super quiet room full of 7th graders with an enormously loud fart, so you would expect a roar of laughter but the teacher was so hardcore that nobody said a word. We were all stunned, wondering what Ms. Jett would do to poor Buddy #2. Calm as can be she asked Buddy #1 to see her after class (I'll never know how she knew what he did, as her back was to the whole thing) and actually thanked Buddy #2 as she could tell he had been holding it in for a while. We all sat there in stunned silence as the green cloud from Buddy #2 settled across the room.

 
Two of my favorite fart stories were were I was 12 and 18.

The first was when I was a CCD student. I was a chubby 12 year old that would eat cheese sandwiches and watch Guiding Light with my grandmother after school. I must've eaten one too many sandwiches that day because as our CCD class climbed the stairs to our classroom, I kept farting. These were awful. People behind me were screaming, "Someone keeps farting!" I got to the class and it didn't stop. When I asked to go to the bathroom a few minutes later, Father H said no. Well, the farts said yes. Before long the entire class was on one side of the room and Father H opened the windows and said, "Jesus, Michael, what did you eat??"

When I was a senior in HS my lunch was right before a senior-laden Economics class. Our favorite spot to eat before hand was Taco Bell. Invariably, I would usually fart at least once per period. After about the 5th straight day my teacher erupted, "If you fart one more time, you're going to see Mr. X (the principal)." Well, I held it in for at least another 3 minutes when my good friend next to me let it rip.

The teacher screamed, "That's it!!! OUT!!!!"

"But , but, that one really wasn't me.... That was..."

Before I could even get it out, he was pointing and I was down in the principal's room retelling the above story.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I have a good buddy who farts constantly.

Anyway, he loves to tell the story of how when he was in middle school he dropped a bomb in one of his classes and the teacher caught some of it. His teacher made him leave the room, go outside, walk around the building to the window of his classroom, and apologize through the window to the entire class.

Cracks me up every time.

 
Junior year in college I was living off campus and it was a bit of a haul to get to campus so I spent a lot of time sleeping in the library. I am walking up a the stairs a few steps behind 2 Asian girls. They were both fairly cute and had nice bums so of course my eyes were focused and level at the cheek. I assume they didnt know I was behind them or at least one of them didnt because she stopped short and ripped a massive fart 20 inches from my face. I said thank you as I bolted by.

 
Had a house full of company and had to fart real bad, so instead of trumpeting in front of my guests, I went out on the front porch and let 'er rip.. sounded like a sonic boom, and lasted about 5 seconds.. damn near scared the #### out of the mailman (who was 5 feet away on the side walkway out of my view).. I laughed embarrassingly and took my mail...

 
MCguidance said:
Two of my favorite fart stories were were I was 12 and 18.

The first was when I was a CCD student. I was a chubby 12 year old that would eat cheese sandwiches and watch Guiding Light with my grandmother after school. I must've eaten one too many sandwiches that day because as our CCD class climbed the stairs to our classroom, I kept farting. These were awful. People behind me were screaming, "Someone keeps farting!" I got to the class and it didn't stop. When I asked to go to the bathroom a few minutes later, Father H said no. Well, the farts said yes. Before long the entire class was on one side of the room and Father H opened the windows and said, "Jesus, Michael, what did you eat??"

When I was a senior in HS my lunch was right before a senior-laden Economics class. Our favorite spot to eat before hand was Taco Bell. Invariably, I would usually fart at least once per period. After about the 5th straight day my teacher erupted, "If you fart one more time, you're going to see Mr. X (the principal)." Well, I held it in for at least another 3 minutes when my good friend next to me let it rip.

The teacher screamed, "That's it!!! OUT!!!!"

"But , but, that one really wasn't me.... That was..."

Before I could even get it out, he was pointing and I was down in the principal's room retelling the above story.
Click to expand...
So you get in trouble for passing gas that stinks? Hoe does a principal give you detention for that?

 
Philo Beddoe said:
Junior year in college I was living off campus and it was a bit of a haul to get to campus so I spent a lot of time sleeping in the library. I am walking up a the stairs a few steps behind 2 Asian girls. They were both fairly cute and had nice bums so of course my eyes were focused and level at the cheek. I assume they didnt know I was behind them or at least one of them didnt because she stopped short and ripped a massive fart 20 inches from my face. I said thank you as I bolted by.
Click to expand...
Oh they knew.

 
Abraham said:
ALso, when I was a junior in college I was intimately acquainting my tongue with the front side nether regions of a young freshman named Casey in the backseat of my Mustang when she let one rip.
Click to expand...
when we were dating, my wife did this to me.

 
Jules Winnfield said:
MCguidance said:
Two of my favorite fart stories were were I was 12 and 18.

The first was when I was a CCD student. I was a chubby 12 year old that would eat cheese sandwiches and watch Guiding Light with my grandmother after school. I must've eaten one too many sandwiches that day because as our CCD class climbed the stairs to our classroom, I kept farting. These were awful. People behind me were screaming, "Someone keeps farting!" I got to the class and it didn't stop. When I asked to go to the bathroom a few minutes later, Father H said no. Well, the farts said yes. Before long the entire class was on one side of the room and Father H opened the windows and said, "Jesus, Michael, what did you eat??"

When I was a senior in HS my lunch was right before a senior-laden Economics class. Our favorite spot to eat before hand was Taco Bell. Invariably, I would usually fart at least once per period. After about the 5th straight day my teacher erupted, "If you fart one more time, you're going to see Mr. X (the principal)." Well, I held it in for at least another 3 minutes when my good friend next to me let it rip.

The teacher screamed, "That's it!!! OUT!!!!"

"But , but, that one really wasn't me.... That was..."

Before I could even get it out, he was pointing and I was down in the principal's room retelling the above story.
Click to expand...
So you get in trouble for passing gas that stinks? Hoe does a principal give you detention for that?
Click to expand...
No detention. He laughed and told me to stop farting and use the bathroom.

 
5th grade, math class. I wasn't in my homeroom, but the classroom of the really mean teacher. This is the witch that yelled at me in front of the class because I couldn't copy the problems from the board correctly because I needed glasses.

She gets called out of the room and warns everyone to be absolutely quiet. It was after lunch and recess. It was pizza day, and while delicious to the taste, those toxic squares of heaven would produce some of the most violent and foul smelling smelling farts. It had been building up in the bowels since recess ended, and was reaching critical pressure. I just couldn't hold it anymore, and it ripped forth like the sun emerging from the clouds after a storm. However, you need to keep in mind that the chairs in elementary school are the hard plastic textured variety. The kind which take any sound and magnify them by a factor of roughly 523 times. And so the fart smacked against that plastic chair, sounding like a machine gun, rapid and loud, firing burst after burst for 10 seconds. My embarrassment mounted with each passing second as I hunched over the math sheet hoping no one would notice.

The class erupted in laughter, bringing the teacher storming back in, demanding to know who caused the commotion. And like Bill Cosby's kids blaming him for forcing chocolate cake on them for breakfast, the class in unison pointed to me, as if they were innocent of the noise. She marched to my seat, grabbed me by my collar, and pulled me into the hallway. There, with hands on her hips, she screamed at me, wanting to know what I did and why I defied her orders. Head down, hands in pockets, tears ready to gush, "I am sorry, I just farted." Dumbfounded, she glared at me, pointed back into the room, and followed me in. I moved away from that school district a few years later, but never quite escaped the new nickname I earned that day until the day I left - Machine Gun Butt.

 
We were over at my in-laws for somebody's birthday or something. Mrs. Ignoramus and I were sitting in one of those big chairs that aren't quite a love seat but are big enough for two. I felt the need to pass gas so I did a little test run. Success! The chair cushion muffled the noise enough that nobody would notice and the aroma seemed negligible so I went to town. The missus knew what was up because she could feel the rumble but she's pretty used to me letting em rip most anywhere so she didn't really think anything of it.

When I got up to refill my beverage, my sweet old Italian mother-in-law sat down in the chair with my wife. Evidently sound wasn't the only thing the cushion was good at absorbing. All the stink from me drilling farts into the chair for half an hour was released in a cloud of dead skunks and cauliflower when she sat down. We all had quite a laugh, which proves that farts are almost never not funny.

 
I have crop dusted a few times in my life and really got a good laugh out of watching the faces of those that walked into it.

 
The guy who sits behind me at work apparently has no qualms with letting them go whenever he feels like it. I've had to get up and run to the break room quite a few times.

 
I hate when I am at the grocery store or something like that, alone, and I smell a fart. Even though it wasn't me, I feel like everybody is looking at me in a disgusted accusatory fashion.

 
Still remember the time I was working late and thought it was safe to let out one of my protein shake infused bombs in the office...sure enough, no more than 30 seconds later the new hot intern comes to my desk to ask a question. You could see her trying to act professional with her eyes blinking rapidly and her nose twitching as she tried to regain her composure. I simply asked "was that you?". Ended up having the secks with her a few weeks later.

 
igbomb said:
I have a good buddy who farts constantly.

Anyway, he loves to tell the story of how when he was in middle school he dropped a bomb in one of his classes and the teacher caught some of it. His teacher made him leave the room, go outside, walk around the building to the window of his classroom, and apologize through the window to the entire class.

Cracks me up every time.
Click to expand...
rules

 
In junior high in our Physical Education class we had a sit-up contest (most sit-ups in a minute) and I was determined to win. Mind you, I had consumed a healthy egg breakfast the morning prior. This guy Robby (ripped and built like a tank in 7th grade, unlike my skinny ###) was my partner and held my feet down while I did the sit-ups. Not to be outdone, I was whipping through my sit-ups... 63!...64!...65!... then...

RIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTT!!!!!!TTTT

Out escaped the loudest fart of my life (to date), and everyone in class knew it was me. Even the teacher Old Miss Foley (72-year old bull-dyke career PE teacher) was laughing. Laughing along with them to hide my shame, I had to live that one down for weeks.

After PE, ended, Robby grabbed me after class, said, "Why'd you RIP me, man?" and proceeded to trashcan me in the nearest receptacle. I had to live that one down for months.

 
I had a guy who lived on my floor in college who was real anal about his jeans. I mean, every morning he'd stand on a chair and look at his butt in the mirror, made sure everything was just so. He even changed jeans after lunch because he didn't like the creases that form behind your knees. And yes, he had THAT MANY jeans.

Anyhow, Jeff refused to fart while wearing his jeans. No :bs: but if he absolutely, positively had to let one rip, he would go to the bathroom, drop trou and THEN let it rip. He even hated other people doing it.

Long about halfway thru our sophmore year, some of us started just coming in and farting on his bed. I was probably the most notorious for knocking to come in, enter, sit down on Jeff's bed, fart, and then leave. When it was revealed that his floor mates had been farting on his bed for the last 2.5 years, he simply shrugged. To this day, part of me wishes that in a moment after we all left, he screamed home and took the mother of all showers.

 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

D
William "The Refrigerator" Perry
Replies
22
Views
3K
Bri
B

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 2 (members: 0, guests: 2)
Back
Top