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Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

Once when my son was about 2 1/2 I was giving him a bath and he was playing with the cup we used to rinse his hair.

Me: "OK buddy, it's time to rinse your hair, I need the cup, please."

Him (with a grin as he held the cup away from me): "You don't NEED it."

 
We're potty training my youngest, so there have been some accidents around the house. Yesterday my 5-year old was playing in the basement. I hear him yell "Daddy, Bradley pooped on the floor!" So I go downstairs to the pile he found, and it didn't come from my boy. "That's not Bradley poop," I say, "I think it's cat poop. Doggone it!"

My oldest looks at me and says "You shouldn't say doggone it, you should say catgone it!" and starts laughing hysterically. Now, he is mildly autistic and doesn't usually speak creatively, so the fact that he put dog and cat together in his mind and made up his own joke just made it funnier to me.

 
MikeIke said:
We're potty training my youngest, so there have been some accidents around the house. Yesterday my 5-year old was playing in the basement. I hear him yell "Daddy, Bradley pooped on the floor!" So I go downstairs to the pile he found, and it didn't come from my boy. "That's not Bradley poop," I say, "I think it's cat poop. Doggone it!"My oldest looks at me and says "You shouldn't say doggone it, you should say catgone it!" and starts laughing hysterically. Now, he is mildly autistic and doesn't usually speak creatively, so the fact that he put dog and cat together in his mind and made up his own joke just made it funnier to me.
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:confused: better then most jokes around here
 
Just read through a bunch of these and realised we have the world's politest parents in here. All "please" and "thank you", no yelling, no swearing...

It's such bull#### :confused:

 
Ash said:
Just read through a bunch of these and realised we have the world's politest parents in here. All "please" and "thank you", no yelling, no swearing...It's such bull#### :lmao:
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:shrug: There's plenty of posts in this thread about kids repeating the swear words they hear us say. I admit I've slipped many times, and my son even sad G#d Da##it one time when he dropped his milk glass. We're human and make mistakes but most of us probably try our best to set a good example.
 
Emily, my 3 year old, and I were waiting for her swim class to start yesterday, and she was talking to the lady next to her. The lady was telling Emily how she really liked her suit, the color yellow being bright and sunny, yadda yadda. Then Emily turns to the lady and says "yellow and green are Packer colors."

 
So, my 3 year old is learning about fire prevention and fire safety at school. He was driving home with my wife the other day and was telling her that only a fireman, a mommy, a daddy or a babysitter could go back in the house if there were a fire to get his toys. He said he would only send mom back in to get 1 toy, no 2 toys, no 3 toys for him.

He then wanted to know if we would carry him out of the house if there was a fire. Then asked if we would carry the dog out as well.

 
walnutz said:
So, my 3 year old is learning about fire prevention and fire safety at school. He was driving home with my wife the other day and was telling her that only a fireman, a mommy, a daddy or a babysitter could go back in the house if there were a fire to get his toys. He said he would only send mom back in to get 1 toy, no 2 toys, no 3 toys for him. He then wanted to know if we would carry him out of the house if there was a fire. Then asked if we would carry the dog out as well.
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What if he was a stranger's kid?
 
Ash said:
Just read through a bunch of these and realised we have the world's politest parents in here. All "please" and "thank you", no yelling, no swearing...It's such bull#### :shrug:
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When I was 4 the neighbors were over at our house and their daughter and I were playing in the wading pool. Apparently, she did something I didn't like and I called her a, "F****** W****"Her father, a preacher, turned to my mom and asked, "What did he just say?". My mom responded by pretending she didn't hear anything.My Dad wasn't exactly careful about his cursing around the kids. (As a sidenote, this cursing was almost always directed at inanimate objects - cars, boats or whatever other project he was working on that wasn't going well)
 
The Third said:
We are looking at old photos from the delivery room with my now 3-year-old son. One of the pictures showed him lying on the delivery table with a freshly-snipped umbilical cord. The "scissors" were laying across his stomach in the photo. He asks, "momma, why did they cut my balls off?"
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Good God, I didn't expect that :lol: :confused:
 
The Third said:
We are looking at old photos from the delivery room with my now 3-year-old son. One of the pictures showed him lying on the delivery table with a freshly-snipped umbilical cord. The "scissors" were laying across his stomach in the photo. He asks, "momma, why did they cut my balls off?"
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"Because you won't feel it as much then compared to if you wait for it to happen when you get married"
 
Last night we were at #4's flag football game. 3 boys were on the sidelines waiting to be subbed in. My 3 yo said hi to them like this: "Hi, Jackson! Hi, Nicholas! Hi, Fat Kid."

 
Clown Car said:
Last night we were at #4's flag football game. 3 boys were on the sidelines waiting to be subbed in. My 3 yo said hi to them like this: "Hi, Jackson! Hi, Nicholas! Hi, Fat Kid."
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:shrug: This reminded me of an embarrassing one...Years ago a neighourhood kid (around 5 at the time) asked me, "How come you have boobs? Only girls have boobs."
 
Ash said:
Just read through a bunch of these and realised we have the world's politest parents in here. All "please" and "thank you", no yelling, no swearing...It's such bull#### :kicksrock:
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This reminded to post one from this week. My wife and two kids left on Sunday to go to her mom's house for most of the week (fall break). On the way, she misread an advance detour sign about work on a bridge and later had to turn around and backtrack which extended the trip by about an hour. My 5-year old son was awake and apparently paying attention during this ordeal because when my 2-year old daughter woke up from a nap, he told her that they would have already been to Grammy's house if the ####ing signs weren't messed up.
 
regularguy said:
Ash said:
Just read through a bunch of these and realised we have the world's politest parents in here. All "please" and "thank you", no yelling, no swearing...It's such bull#### :rolleyes:
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This reminded to post one from this week. My wife and two kids left on Sunday to go to her mom's house for most of the week (fall break). On the way, she misread an advance detour sign about work on a bridge and later had to turn around and backtrack which extended the trip by about an hour. My 5-year old son was awake and apparently paying attention during this ordeal because when my 2-year old daughter woke up from a nap, he told her that they would have already been to Grammy's house if the ####ing signs weren't messed up.
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:rolleyes:
 
regularguy said:
Ash said:
Just read through a bunch of these and realised we have the world's politest parents in here. All "please" and "thank you", no yelling, no swearing...It's such bull#### :shrug:
Click to expand...
This reminded to post one from this week. My wife and two kids left on Sunday to go to her mom's house for most of the week (fall break). On the way, she misread an advance detour sign about work on a bridge and later had to turn around and backtrack which extended the trip by about an hour. My 5-year old son was awake and apparently paying attention during this ordeal because when my 2-year old daughter woke up from a nap, he told her that they would have already been to Grammy's house if the ####ing signs weren't messed up.
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:lmao:
 
We must watch and talk about football too much in our house. Yesterday, my wife didn't have to teach because her school had the day off for some reason. As I'm heading out the door with the kids to take them to their school my 8 year old daughter turned to my wife and asked her in all seriousness, "Mom, what are you going to do on your bye day?"

 
My son, like most toddlers, thinks dinosaurs and farts are awesome.

So he lets one rip Sunday and he says I'M A FARTOSAURUS!!!

Now...my in-laws are a little...reserved...and don't really appreciate the word fart...well...my MIL doesn't and my FIL just gives in.

Anyway, so he did this while we are there and I calmly say, "Buddy, I know you think that is funny, but you know that Nana doesn't appreciate you saying that."

Peter: But Dad, I didn't say fart...I said FAR-osaurus. Like Far, Far Away.

Then he gives me the least subtle smirk ever and runs off laughing.

Smart little bugger...

 
regularguy said:
Ash said:
Just read through a bunch of these and realised we have the world's politest parents in here. All "please" and "thank you", no yelling, no swearing...It's such bull#### :rolleyes:
Click to expand...
This reminded to post one from this week. My wife and two kids left on Sunday to go to her mom's house for most of the week (fall break). On the way, she misread an advance detour sign about work on a bridge and later had to turn around and backtrack which extended the trip by about an hour. My 5-year old son was awake and apparently paying attention during this ordeal because when my 2-year old daughter woke up from a nap, he told her that they would have already been to Grammy's house if the ####ing signs weren't messed up.
Click to expand...
:lmao:
 
KGB said:
regularguy said:
Ash said:
Just read through a bunch of these and realised we have the world's politest parents in here. All "please" and "thank you", no yelling, no swearing...It's such bull#### :lmao:
Click to expand...
This reminded to post one from this week. My wife and two kids left on Sunday to go to her mom's house for most of the week (fall break). On the way, she misread an advance detour sign about work on a bridge and later had to turn around and backtrack which extended the trip by about an hour. My 5-year old son was awake and apparently paying attention during this ordeal because when my 2-year old daughter woke up from a nap, he told her that they would have already been to Grammy's house if the ####ing signs weren't messed up.
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:lmao:
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My 3 year old was walking around calling his 5 year old brother a "f'ing idiot" this weekend.
 
tipsy mcstagger said:
KGB said:
regularguy said:
Ash said:
Just read through a bunch of these and realised we have the world's politest parents in here. All "please" and "thank you", no yelling, no swearing...It's such bull#### :lmao:
Click to expand...
This reminded to post one from this week. My wife and two kids left on Sunday to go to her mom's house for most of the week (fall break). On the way, she misread an advance detour sign about work on a bridge and later had to turn around and backtrack which extended the trip by about an hour. My 5-year old son was awake and apparently paying attention during this ordeal because when my 2-year old daughter woke up from a nap, he told her that they would have already been to Grammy's house if the ####ing signs weren't messed up.
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:lmao:
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My 3 year old was walking around calling his 5 year old brother a "f'ing idiot" this weekend.
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:lmao: :hifive:
 
I went back home to Minnesota this weekend to see my brother. He's 10 years older than me but still acts like a 15-year-old, and he's former military. Love him, but can only spend so much time with him.

He taught my 2 1/2 year old daughter how to say "I've got junk in my trunk." Because she gets a laugh every time, she won't stop telling people who she first meets.

 
regularguy said:
tipsy mcstagger said:
KGB said:
regularguy said:
Ash said:
Just read through a bunch of these and realised we have the world's politest parents in here. All "please" and "thank you", no yelling, no swearing...It's such bull#### :lmao:
Click to expand...
This reminded to post one from this week. My wife and two kids left on Sunday to go to her mom's house for most of the week (fall break). On the way, she misread an advance detour sign about work on a bridge and later had to turn around and backtrack which extended the trip by about an hour. My 5-year old son was awake and apparently paying attention during this ordeal because when my 2-year old daughter woke up from a nap, he told her that they would have already been to Grammy's house if the ####ing signs weren't messed up.
Click to expand...
:lmao:
Click to expand...
My 3 year old was walking around calling his 5 year old brother a "f'ing idiot" this weekend.
Click to expand...
:lmao: :lmao:
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Thankfully, the wife takes credit for that use of words. It is her favorite driving phrase. (and mentally what she is thinking every time she speaks to me i am pretty sure.....based on those looks anyway)
 
I was laying in the floor of my boys' room last night. I was stretching my legs and felt a little pain in my rear.

Me: "Oh, my butt hurts."

My 6-year-old: "I bet you have pinworms."

 
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Lucky Bucky said:
We must watch and talk about football too much in our house. Yesterday, my wife didn't have to teach because her school had the day off for some reason. As I'm heading out the door with the kids to take them to their school my 8 year old daughter turned to my wife and asked her in all seriousness, "Mom, what are you going to do on your bye day?"
Click to expand...
That's good.
 
tipsy mcstagger said:
KGB said:
regularguy said:
Ash said:
Just read through a bunch of these and realised we have the world's politest parents in here. All "please" and "thank you", no yelling, no swearing...It's such bull#### :thumbup:
Click to expand...
This reminded to post one from this week. My wife and two kids left on Sunday to go to her mom's house for most of the week (fall break). On the way, she misread an advance detour sign about work on a bridge and later had to turn around and backtrack which extended the trip by about an hour. My 5-year old son was awake and apparently paying attention during this ordeal because when my 2-year old daughter woke up from a nap, he told her that they would have already been to Grammy's house if the ####ing signs weren't messed up.
Click to expand...
:lmao:
Click to expand...
My 3 year old was walking around calling his 5 year old brother a "f'ing idiot" this weekend.
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Shouldn't have let him wait on GM's table if you didn't want him to pick up on swear words like that.
 
2 1/2 daughter just told me she wants to wrestle. So she tackles me and I pretend to fall. Then she deliberately kicks me in the head. When I'm down...

I gave her that 'OK, that crossed the line' look and she looks at me sheepishly and says...

'This isn't gonna end well, is it.'

 
Son, 3, sitting on the couch with a far off look in his eye.

Mama - "Adam, what's on your mind?"

Adam -"Penises."

Mama - "Really, penises? What about them?"

Adam - "I like mine."

 
mr roboto said:
2 1/2 daughter just told me she wants to wrestle. So she tackles me and I pretend to fall. Then she deliberately kicks me in the head. When I'm down...I gave her that 'OK, that crossed the line' look and she looks at me sheepishly and says...'This isn't gonna end well, is it.'
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Definite Grade A Material here. I giggled. How did it end?
 
Billy Costigan Jr said:
My son, like most toddlers, thinks dinosaurs and farts are awesome.So he lets one rip Sunday and he says I'M A FARTOSAURUS!!!Now...my in-laws are a little...reserved...and don't really appreciate the word fart...well...my MIL doesn't and my FIL just gives in.Anyway, so he did this while we are there and I calmly say, "Buddy, I know you think that is funny, but you know that Nana doesn't appreciate you saying that."Peter: But Dad, I didn't say fart...I said FAR-osaurus. Like Far, Far Away.Then he gives me the least subtle smirk ever and runs off laughing.Smart little bugger...
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Let me correct this. My son, like most GUYS, thinks dinosaurs and farts are awesome.
 
GTBilly said:
mr roboto said:
2 1/2 daughter just told me she wants to wrestle. So she tackles me and I pretend to fall. Then she deliberately kicks me in the head. When I'm down...I gave her that 'OK, that crossed the line' look and she looks at me sheepishly and says...'This isn't gonna end well, is it.'
Click to expand...
Definite Grade A Material here. I giggled. How did it end?
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I actually went easier than usual. If she purposely hits/kicks when we are playing we usually quit playing immediately. Instead I just laughed my a-- off for about 10 seconds then told her not to do it again. She said ok.Then when I told my wife, she said 'that's what you say when we go over to my family's house...' Guess she learned it from me.
 
My 3yo is too smart for his own good. He's very perceptive and my family cusses too much. Not a good combo.

Anyway, we went through the drive thru at McDonalds to get a drink and were on our way to an appointment and then were going to get lunch. Well apparently he was hungry. We asked him if he wanted a drink and he said no, he wanted a cheeseburger. We said, no and again asked what drink he wanted and he said I don't want a drink, I want a ### #### cheeseburger.

Poor parenting for sure, but funny in a bad way.

 
pizzatyme said:
My 3yo is too smart for his own good. He's very perceptive and my family cusses too much. Not a good combo.Anyway, we went through the drive thru at McDonalds to get a drink and were on our way to an appointment and then were going to get lunch. Well apparently he was hungry. We asked him if he wanted a drink and he said no, he wanted a cheeseburger. We said, no and again asked what drink he wanted and he said I don't want a drink, I want a ### #### cheeseburger.Poor parenting for sure, but funny in a bad way.
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lol, at least he used it correctly!
 
Cal: Dad, can we go to work now and cut the grass later?

Me: If we got to work now, I don't think we'll have time to cut the grass later.

Cal: I'll bring my watch.

 
pizzatyme said:
My 3yo is too smart for his own good. He's very perceptive and my family cusses too much. Not a good combo.Anyway, we went through the drive thru at McDonalds to get a drink and were on our way to an appointment and then were going to get lunch. Well apparently he was hungry. We asked him if he wanted a drink and he said no, he wanted a cheeseburger. We said, no and again asked what drink he wanted and he said I don't want a drink, I want a ### #### cheeseburger.Poor parenting for sure, but funny in a bad way.
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That's awesome.
 
Mr. Ham said:
My son has Strep. Broke out into a Scarlet Fever rash. Went to Walgreens to get him antibiotics. I've been trying like hell to get the kid to stop sucking his fingers. He'll touch all manner of gross stuff and without washing his fingers, in they go. Drives me nuts. I always remind him and make him wash his hands all the time, but even so he just won't stop. I had the doctor back me up today, telling my son (4 and a half) that the reason he is sick is because when he touches things and gets germs on his fingers, they get in his body.So we're standing in line and I can see my boy is getting tired. I know this means the fingers are primed to go in. I remind him. Ten seconds later, I turn around for second. When I look back, they're in. The whole family is sick. It's hard enough having your kids around the other petri dishes at schools and in playgrounds without inviting the illness into him and, by proxy, us. As soon as the fingers go in, I asked the pharmacist if they have anything that can make his fingers taste bad. I learn they do. I explain to my son what I'm looking for and he complains as we search the aisles. He tries to wiggle out, but I explain that it's not a punishment, it's just clear he's not learning on his own and needs help remembering. I admit to having a bit of the manic "I'm a gonna get you" satisfaction in my pursuit of a solution. I had to ask three different people, who all swore they carried the product, before someone finally found it for me, obscured by a wrong product hung up in front of it.I washed my son's hands in the bathroom as he moaned about not wanting me to put the stuff on, which is basically really concentrated hot peppers. (My son hates spice.)I painted the stuff on liberally on each finger in the car -- and truth be known I was taunting the little bugger. I got in the driver's seat and reach for my seat belt, feeling victorious. Until I heard slurping. I turned and saw my son putting each finger in his mouth, one at a time, sucking vigorously. Then he gleamed at me with both entire hands stuck in his mouth. He didn't feel great, so I didn't want to lay into him. So I sighed and put the keys in. Then he says, "That was awesome... Spicalicious." The rest of the way home he alternated between telling me his lips burned and that he was going to tell mom what I did.
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Time to man up. Go buy some mittens. every time he sucks fingers, mittens go on.
 
11 year old son. Parent/teacher conferences next week.

Wife: Anything we should know before we go talk to your teachers.

Son: (dead serious, not joking) Well, if you talk to my english teacher don't go in and say something about her being fat. Cause she's not she's just pregnant.

:lmao:

 
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Mr. Ham said:
My son has Strep. Broke out into a Scarlet Fever rash. Went to Walgreens to get him antibiotics. I've been trying like hell to get the kid to stop sucking his fingers. He'll touch all manner of gross stuff and without washing his fingers, in they go. Drives me nuts. I always remind him and make him wash his hands all the time, but even so he just won't stop. I had the doctor back me up today, telling my son (4 and a half) that the reason he is sick is because when he touches things and gets germs on his fingers, they get in his body.So we're standing in line and I can see my boy is getting tired. I know this means the fingers are primed to go in. I remind him. Ten seconds later, I turn around for second. When I look back, they're in. The whole family is sick. It's hard enough having your kids around the other petri dishes at schools and in playgrounds without inviting the illness into him and, by proxy, us. As soon as the fingers go in, I asked the pharmacist if they have anything that can make his fingers taste bad. I learn they do. I explain to my son what I'm looking for and he complains as we search the aisles. He tries to wiggle out, but I explain that it's not a punishment, it's just clear he's not learning on his own and needs help remembering. I admit to having a bit of the manic "I'm a gonna get you" satisfaction in my pursuit of a solution. I had to ask three different people, who all swore they carried the product, before someone finally found it for me, obscured by a wrong product hung up in front of it.I washed my son's hands in the bathroom as he moaned about not wanting me to put the stuff on, which is basically really concentrated hot peppers. (My son hates spice.)I painted the stuff on liberally on each finger in the car -- and truth be known I was taunting the little bugger. I got in the driver's seat and reach for my seat belt, feeling victorious. Until I heard slurping. I turned and saw my son putting each finger in his mouth, one at a time, sucking vigorously. Then he gleamed at me with both entire hands stuck in his mouth. He didn't feel great, so I didn't want to lay into him. So I sighed and put the keys in. Then he says, "That was awesome... Spicalicious." The rest of the way home he alternated between telling me his lips burned and that he was going to tell mom what I did.
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My wifes mother used mustard to stop this. My wife hates mustard to this day :popcorn:
 
Mr. Ham said:
My son has Strep. Broke out into a Scarlet Fever rash. Went to Walgreens to get him antibiotics. I've been trying like hell to get the kid to stop sucking his fingers. He'll touch all manner of gross stuff and without washing his fingers, in they go. Drives me nuts. I always remind him and make him wash his hands all the time, but even so he just won't stop. I had the doctor back me up today, telling my son (4 and a half) that the reason he is sick is because when he touches things and gets germs on his fingers, they get in his body.So we're standing in line and I can see my boy is getting tired. I know this means the fingers are primed to go in. I remind him. Ten seconds later, I turn around for second. When I look back, they're in. The whole family is sick. It's hard enough having your kids around the other petri dishes at schools and in playgrounds without inviting the illness into him and, by proxy, us. As soon as the fingers go in, I asked the pharmacist if they have anything that can make his fingers taste bad. I learn they do. I explain to my son what I'm looking for and he complains as we search the aisles. He tries to wiggle out, but I explain that it's not a punishment, it's just clear he's not learning on his own and needs help remembering. I admit to having a bit of the manic "I'm a gonna get you" satisfaction in my pursuit of a solution. I had to ask three different people, who all swore they carried the product, before someone finally found it for me, obscured by a wrong product hung up in front of it.I washed my son's hands in the bathroom as he moaned about not wanting me to put the stuff on, which is basically really concentrated hot peppers. (My son hates spice.)I painted the stuff on liberally on each finger in the car -- and truth be known I was taunting the little bugger. I got in the driver's seat and reach for my seat belt, feeling victorious. Until I heard slurping. I turned and saw my son putting each finger in his mouth, one at a time, sucking vigorously. Then he gleamed at me with both entire hands stuck in his mouth. He didn't feel great, so I didn't want to lay into him. So I sighed and put the keys in. Then he says, "That was awesome... Spicalicious." The rest of the way home he alternated between telling me his lips burned and that he was going to tell mom what I did.
Click to expand...
Hilarious
 
Our dog is old. Hes not much fun any longer and really a pain in the a now. He had a few days a while back when he was peeing the floor.

Last time it happened my 4yo says "Maybe the next dog we have shouldn't have a penis".

 
Bob Sacamano said:
"Daddy, the dresser with the light in my doll house isn't working."It's a common problem. Those little pill-shaped batteries in the bottom of the dresser often lose contact with the terminals, so I get the screwdriver and open it up."Daddy, what's that thing called again?""A screwdriver."I wedge some folded up pieces of paper between the lid and the batteries, forcing them to make contact, screw the lid back on, and all is well. She runs off with her dresser, happy as a clam. A few minutes later I hear her telling my wife, "Yep, daddy screwed it." :unsure:
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This reminds me of when my 4 yo old was probably about 2 and had a play drill. They drill had a phillips head attachment and would drive play screws into this little toy car. One day he's chasing me with the drill and we end up wrestling around on the ground and I end up laying face down with him sitting on top of me kind of like riding a horse. Just as my wife walks into the room he yells out, "Daddy, I'm going to screw you!"
 
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