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Funny things your kid has said (3 Viewers)

ditka85 said:
When asked what he wanted to be when he grows up, my 5 yo son said, "I want to be a Mac & Cheese Salesman."
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:excited:When my kid was about 4 he used to like help fold laundry. Towels were his specialty. He later claimed that when he got old he was going to be a 'professional towel folder'.
 
RudiStein said:
St. Louis Bob said:
We were at the doctor with Cal yesterday...

Doctor: How are you today Calvin?

Cal: Fine.

Doctor: So are you having fun? What do you like?

Cal: Playing outside and music.

Doctor: Oh, music! Who are your favorite groups?

Cal: Michael Jackson, The Beatles and John, um (looks at Mrs SLB) what's his last name? (editors note: I'm glad this appointment wasn't a couple of months ago or Nickleback and Lady Gaga would have been named. :bag: )

Mrs. SLB: Mellencamp

Cal: Yeah, Mellencamp. Did you know he needs a lover that won't drive him crazy?Doctor: :confused:

Cal: (Looks at Mrs. SLB) Mom, remember on vacation when you were driving Dad crazy and he missed that turn?

Mrs. SLB :facepalm:

Cal: (Looks at me, smiles and shakes his head ;) )
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:thumbup: So awesome.
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This still cracks me up.
 
My truck doors are pretty heavy and are especially hard to open for little kids with mittens on. So I usually jump out and open the door for my 6 yo Hailey.

She goes, "It's like you're my royal servant."

 
St. Louis Bob said:
Oh holy hellMrs. SLB: (sternly) Calvin, go to bed!Cal: I'm sorry but Calvin isn't in right now, please leave a message at the beep. beeeeeeeeeppppppMrs. SLB: Calvin, this is Mom, please go to bed, it is getting late.Cal: I'm sorry, your message didn't record. Please try again later. Good bye.
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:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: How old is he?
 
night 2 of our 2 year old in his own bed

checked in on him a few mins ago, his head and shoulders were on the bed the rest was hanging off the side and he was snoring

might need to slap some side rails on the bed tomorrow

 
Fiddles said:
night 2 of our 2 year old in his own bedchecked in on him a few mins ago, his head and shoulders were on the bed the rest was hanging off the side and he was snoringmight need to slap some side rails on the bed tomorrow
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Make sure he can't fit under the rails. I slipped under the rail once and my mother found me hanging by my neck from the top bunk before she went to sleep. I was still asleep though, so it didn't hurt too much I guess.
 
John 14:6 said:
My 5yo son called from the bathroom, "Ew, gross!!! Guys, there's some blue stuff in the toilet water!"Me: "That's just some stuff Mommy puts in there to make the water clean."Son: "Well, it's not going to be clean for long!"I start cracking up...Son: "Because I'm going to POOP in it!"
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:grad: :lmao: :lmao:
 
The other day I was brushing my teeth in the morning and my 4yo daughter comes in to use the toilet. As she's sitting on it, my 5yo son runs in, naked, holding himself, saying, "I have to go BAD!"

My daughter says, "Show me your pee pee." My son moves his hands away and my daughter says, "Coooooool! Your pee pee is cool!" They then discussed their pee pees for a minute or two...

:blackdot:

 
One day my 10 year old daughter was talking about how awesome she is. So I said "And you're modest too."

Her repley; "I have it all!"

 
My wife and I went to a holiday party that had a gift exchange. When we got him my 8 year old daughter asked what we got.

My wife: I got some lottery tickets

Daughter: I want to go!

W: where?

D: to the lottery!

:lol:

 
So my wife is due to give birth in early February and is off for bed rest. Her Dad came over to spend some time with her and my 3 1/2 yo son Peter.

My FIL goes to the can to take a leak, and Peter shortly follows to investigate (i.e. pester him). Here is the conversation as my wife heard it from the living room, and GB her for calling me at work to relay this to me...

Peter: Hi Papa, what are you doin? Are you going pee?

Papa (mid-stream): Peter, please go back outside the bathroom and give Papa some privacy.

Peter: Hey Papa, your penis is different (i.e circumcised) from mine and Daddy's penises.

Papa (still mid-stream): Peter, Papa asked you nicely...

Peter: I have a small penis, and you have a medium penis, and Daddy has a BIG penis!

Papa (uncomfortably laughing): Okay out you go.

Then my wife cranks the volume of the TV and pretends she couldn't hear anything, but couldn't look her FIL in the eyes for a bit.

God I love my kid...LOL

 
My 4 year old is going through a language explosion. He's both 1) learning how to use adjectives 2) making up words for fun

So yesterday morning he says,

Son: "Mommy, I think I like kluke."

Mommy: "What?"

Son: "Kluke."

Mommy: (to me) "What's a kluke? Is that a word?"

Me: "It is now."

Son: "Is kluke a bad word?" (bad as in mean - we don't say bad words)

Mommy: "I don't know, is it?"

Son, looking at the cat: "XXX is a big stupid kluke."

Mommy: "Um, yea, I think kluke is a bad word."

Son: "Yep, it's bad."

 
dharmapunk said:
My 4 year old is going through a language explosion. He's both 1) learning how to use adjectives 2) making up words for fun

So yesterday morning he says,

Son: "Mommy, I think I like kluke."

Mommy: "What?"

Son: "Kluke."

Mommy: (to me) "What's a kluke? Is that a word?"

Me: "It is now."

Son: "Is kluke a bad word?" (bad as in mean - we don't say bad words)

Mommy: "I don't know, is it?"

Son, looking at the cat: "XXX is a big stupid kluke."

Mommy: "Um, yea, I think kluke is a bad word."

Son: "Yep, it's bad."
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Punchline was good but I think the fact you named the cat Triple X might be even funnier.

 
Similar to a story a couple of pages back. A buddy and his wife are atheists. My buddy's Uncle is a Priest. At a family christmas gathering, his uncle asked his 4 year old son "Do you know who God is?" His son replied "You mean God D***it?"

 
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My daughter asked me this week if we could go back to Disney World because she wanted to play in the Cat Pool. My wife and I were confused for a while, and then I got it. "I think you mean the Kiddie pool"

Another time we were at the dinner table, and she was blowing rasberries at her older sister. I told her to knock it off, and she blew a rasberry at me. I took her upstairs to her room, sat her on the bed, and asked her what should I do when she is not eating dinner like a good girl. She replied "Be Patient?"

 
So I download the LittleBigPlanet2 Demo to try.

My daughter is sitting next to me and I'm about to fire it up. She is 5 and apparently reads better than I realized.

her: "DADDY, DON'T PLAY THAT GAME, IT'S DEMO"

me: :confused: What's wrong peanut?

her: "Demo is bad, demo is a bad thing"

me: (trying to not laugh) Where did you hear that?

her: Lotso turned the Demo on Buzz and he started speaking Spanish. It was MEAN, Don't do DEMO.

me: :lmao: oh, well Demo is a sample to try it before you get the whole thing.

her: NO DEMO is bad.

I think I finally got her to understand that Demo is a trial.

 
My 5 year old's career ambition is to be "king". Last year in pre-school his class did a project on what they wanted to be when they grew up. Most kids had the standard police officer, fireman, football player, etc. He says king. Apparently he is still on that career path.

On our way home from dinner last night -

"Hey dad.."

"Yeah buddy?"

"When I'm king will you build statues after me?"

"Sure thing"

 
My wife made the kids banana pancakes for supper last night because they demanded it. Something went wrong and they turned out weird. 7-year-old son still ate them enthusiastically. 2-year-old daughter said "they taste like bad words!!!" Ah yes. My Princess.

 
First graders were in a Cub Scout Den Meeting tonite, talking about hiking...when asked by their leader what supervision was, a guy responded that it was "when you wear special glasses so you can see a real long way."

:lmao:

 
'Sean said:
My 5 year old's career ambition is to be "king". Last year in pre-school his class did a project on what they wanted to be when they grew up. Most kids had the standard police officer, fireman, football player, etc. He says king. Apparently he is still on that career path.On our way home from dinner last night -"Hey dad..""Yeah buddy?""When I'm king will you build statues after me?""Sure thing"
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You should have said "do I have a choice?"
 
'belljr said:
So I download the LittleBigPlanet2 Demo to try.

My daughter is sitting next to me and I'm about to fire it up. She is 5 and apparently reads better than I realized.

her: "DADDY, DON'T PLAY THAT GAME, IT'S DEMO"

me: :confused: What's wrong peanut?

her: "Demo is bad, demo is a bad thing"

me: (trying to not laugh) Where did you hear that?

her: Lotso turned the Demo on Buzz and he started speaking Spanish. It was MEAN, Don't do DEMO.

me: :lmao: oh, well Demo is a sample to try it before you get the whole thing.

her: NO DEMO is bad.

I think I finally got her to understand that Demo is a trial.
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:lmao:
 
Both Cal:

Tuesday night I get home from work and Cal says "Dad, you should have been here! There was this guy ringing a bell and he had a van load of ice cream! I gave him a dollar but he said it wasn't enough".

Tonight I put him to bed and he shows me how he tucked his stuffed animal, a chameleon, in. I asked his name and he replied "Luxury". Luxury I asked and he says "yeah I got it off of Luxury Tax in Monopoly. Man, this is one expensive animal".

 
'cstu said:
'belljr said:
So I download the LittleBigPlanet2 Demo to try.

My daughter is sitting next to me and I'm about to fire it up. She is 5 and apparently reads better than I realized.

her: "DADDY, DON'T PLAY THAT GAME, IT'S DEMO"

me: :confused: What's wrong peanut?

her: "Demo is bad, demo is a bad thing"

me: (trying to not laugh) Where did you hear that?

her: Lotso turned the Demo on Buzz and he started speaking Spanish. It was MEAN, Don't do DEMO.

me: :lmao: oh, well Demo is a sample to try it before you get the whole thing.

her: NO DEMO is bad.

I think I finally got her to understand that Demo is a trial.
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:lmao:
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:lmao:
 
'St. Louis Bob said:
'cstu said:
'belljr said:
So I download the LittleBigPlanet2 Demo to try.

My daughter is sitting next to me and I'm about to fire it up. She is 5 and apparently reads better than I realized.

her: "DADDY, DON'T PLAY THAT GAME, IT'S DEMO"

me: :confused: What's wrong peanut?

her: "Demo is bad, demo is a bad thing"

me: (trying to not laugh) Where did you hear that?

her: Lotso turned the Demo on Buzz and he started speaking Spanish. It was MEAN, Don't do DEMO.

me: :lmao: oh, well Demo is a sample to try it before you get the whole thing.

her: NO DEMO is bad.

I think I finally got her to understand that Demo is a trial.
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:lmao:
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:lmao:
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Literally just got watching this movie. The quoted makes so much more sense now :lmao:
 
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Little roboto (3 yrd old girl) was just eating lunch. Turkey sandwich made by Mrs. Roboto.

Dad, can I make my sandwich bigger?

No honey.

Why not?

Because it can only get smaller the more you eat it.

WOAH.

Said it exactly like a stoner in a philosophy class.

______________________________________________________

Same general conversation, Mrs. says she is stressed out.

Mom, what does stressed out mean?

It is when you feel worried or you have a lot of things to do. Kinda like freaking out.

Dad, are you ever stressed out?

Yea, at work sometimes or when I'm doing paperwork.

Yea, I get stressed out too. Like when I have to go on the big girl potty. That stresses me out.

 
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My boy, call him junior, who's 4 years old brings his bucket of bath toys to the pool and has a blast with his 2 sisters and rubber duckies, frogs, and fish. When my wife gets them to come out of the pool, she tells him: "Don't forget your bath toys". She says it with an accent.

Junior responds, "Mom, those aren't bad toys, they're good toys!"

 
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My 4 year old does a number two and because he had eaten a large bowl of crunch berry cereal they day before I point out:

"Look, your poop is green."

His reply:

"Must be because I fell on the grass today."

 
The wife is getting our 3yo son undressed and ready for bed while I was in the bathroom getting his toothbrush for him. He comes running in nude yelling to me "SMELL MY PENIS! SMELL MY RUMP! THEY STINK!!!"

I don't know how or when he heard my most used line to try to get a little action from the wife.

 
Love this thread, and now that my daughter is starting to put some sentences together I'll be able to contribute.

I walk in to get her up from her nap and she stares at me with a grave seriousness and says:

"Hippos. Delicious. Yummy."

I looked at her sideways and say, "What? Hippos?"

She just nods.

I'm guess all the easter candy gave her some weird ### dreams.

 
While shopping with my then 4 year old daughter..

"Dad, if you don't buy me that bike I am going to kick your ###."

Had to bite my lip to keep from laughing in the 10 minutes it took togo straight home and put her to bed.

Son and daughter were bickering in the car on the way home from dinner.

me: if you two don't knock it off I'm going to warm up your backsides with my hand!

Daughter (after a slight pause) Daddy? Just how hot is your hand?

 
My 8 y.o. son said, after learning of Hines Ward's victory in Dancing With The Stars, "At least the Steelers won something this year."

 
About a week ago I was driving and had both boys in the car. Cal asked me, "Dad how can you tell that all of the bad drivers are women before we pass them?"

 
Last weekend my 2.5 year old woke up around midnight crying and saying she had to go potty. I went to take her and when I walked into the room she said, "Daddy, I don't want the cowboys". When I asked what she was talking about she said, "The two cowboys were bringing me bread and I don't want it!" and started to cry again. After she went potty and went back to bed, all was fine.

I've always wondered what little kids dream about.

 
Another recent one from my daughter, when I go to work in the morning I tell her to do a good job for her mom. She tells me, "Don't hit anyone at work today daddy." and "If someone's in your way say excuse me don't push."

 
A little over a year ago when my daughter was three she was arguing w/ my son over something and she said “Charlie, you think you’re so impressed” – her intent being that Charlie thought he was so cool but really wasn’t. It made absolutely no sense, but the line has been a staple in the household ever since, my 2nd grade son and his buddies all say it to eachother, and now its worked its way into the vernacular of my kids’ elementary school – heard a kid I don’t know say it to another one day last week at a baseball game.

 
On the way home from yesterday's NFL game my ten year old son declares out of nowhere...

Son: "Dad, you know what I noticed at the game today"

AB: "What?"

Son: "That the cheerleaders were pretty hot"

 
Took my 7 year old and 4 year old on a short hiking trip thru a local nature area. We were the only people on the property at the time (as far as I could tell). As we walked into the forest area at the start of a trail my 4 year old (who is significantly speech delayed) said "We are all going to die."

 
Two recent ones from my 3 year old daughter.

Wife was driving her to preschool and they went past an accident with two police cars. Daughter asked what the cops were doing. "There must have been an accident."

"Did someone pee in their pants?"

My mom was babysitting and took my daughter to church with her. In the middle of a quiet spot in the mass my daughter pointed to the priest and asked out loud "Grandma, is that man the king?"

 
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