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Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

8yo daughter after extreme giggle-fit... "sometimes when Daddy kisses me on the top of the head it feels like there's butterflies in my butt."

 
Last night my daughter: (age 7)

Dad how come everything is made in china? I can't find anything that isn't. The US must not have much money since they can't make stuff.

 
My 5 year old's teacher at daycare/school at a local church pulled me aside and asked me where he learned to tell people "I'm sexy and I know it!" He had all the kids dancing and laughing with him. She said he is a leader in the classroom and this was not OK behavior.

She was very serious. I couldn't help but laugh, and the assistant teacher chuckled a bit when I did. Not the response she was hoping for. :shrug:

I tried to explain that we dance to that song in the car all the time, that it is his favorite song right now - she had never heard of it. Her loss. :pickle:

 
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This tidbit comes from my 7 year old:

"I love water. I wish they would make water flavored ice cream." :mellow:

Thankfully, his brother chimed in:

"Cooper, you idiot, that would just be ice!"

:lmao:

 
Overheard last night, while my daughter(9) was playing with the dog;

[in a vaguely latin accent]- "I don't want your money, Charlie, I want your blood."

Too much TV?

 
I can't pinpoint one thing anymore. My daughter is 6 and she just comes up with the "adult" sentences out of nowhere.

For example: Shoe wakes me up Sunday morning. "Daddy, it's time to get up this is not one of your regular sleep in days, we have things we need to do"

Just cracks me up every time.

Although she calls the spot behind your knee

"knee pits"

"Daddy don't tickle my knee pits, they tickle bad."

 
The boy turned 10 yesterday. He had a party on Saturday, so we were trying to decide if we should bother with another cake on Sunday. Over brunch, my wife asked him if he wanted her to make cupcakes. In between bites he answered, "Well, right now, let's just focus on the bacon."

Then I forgot to set the alarm last night, so woke him up for school with, "C'mon, get up. We have to get moving quickly. I overslept."

His immediate groggy response was, "I underslept."

 
My wife asked the 6 y.o. if he was finished with his shower. Can't stop laughing at the response:

"Mom, I'm so clean I can see my reflection in my weiner!"

 
My and my 10 year old son were driving to pick up dinner a few nights ago. He was telling me about his day at school, and apparently someone had come from the humane society to do a little talk about animals. Apparently it was partly a science lesson, and partly informational about adopting animals.

Let me clarify that he is in 4th grade, goes to a Catholic school (no sex ed), and I have not yet had the talk with him.

Him: Guinnea Pigs are $75.

Me: Wow, that seems expensive for a rodent.

Him: Well, they are already spayed or neutered.

Me: Oh, OK (not sure if he knows what that means).

Him: Reptiles are only $25, and they are spayed and neutered too.

Me: Oh, I didn't know you had to spay or neuter reptiles.

Him (in his best "you are such an idiot voice): Dad, reptiles reproduce too!

 
I have very efficient bowels. I'm talking minimum of 2-3 movements a day. My 2 year old has seen me make my pilgrammage to the throne so many times that anytime she sees anyone about to go into a bathroom she tells them "That's Daddy's potty"

 
'jhib said:
The boy turned 10 yesterday. He had a party on Saturday, so we were trying to decide if we should bother with another cake on Sunday. Over brunch, my wife asked him if he wanted her to make cupcakes. In between bites he answered, "Well, right now, let's just focus on the bacon."

Then I forgot to set the alarm last night, so woke him up for school with, "C'mon, get up. We have to get moving quickly. I overslept."

His immediate groggy response was, "I underslept."
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Love this one. Simple and witty.
 
I've got two: At the time my son was about five my friend was taking his picture and was taking sometime to focus; my son yells out "take the damn picture".

daughter about same age; (as my mother inlaw is struggling to strap her into the car seat)blurts out "you have to say god- dammit", gran.

 
My mother was watching my 7 year old son. He was working on homework while she was in the kitchen when she passed some gas.

My son: "Was that necessary?" ( :lmao: )

Mother: "Yes, it was"

My son: Yeah, I don't really think it was ( :lmao: :lmao: )

 
Shooting hoops at a buddies house last night I ask his 5 year old son if he is watching March Madness he replies "Yes".

I proceed to ask him "Who do you think will win the tournament?"

His reply "Probably my Dad"

:lmao:

 
'belljr said:
I can't pinpoint one thing anymore. My daughter is 6 and she just comes up with the "adult" sentences out of nowhere.For example: Shoe wakes me up Sunday morning. "Daddy, it's time to get up this is not one of your regular sleep in days, we have things we need to do" Just cracks me up every time.Although she calls the spot behind your knee"knee pits""Daddy don't tickle my knee pits, they tickle bad."
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:lmao:
 
My son (5) can't get off of this skeleton thing. (bangs his leg) "Daddy I hurt my skeleton". (steps on something that hurts) "Daddy I hurt my foot skeleton"

My daughter just turned 3 this week. The other day I was giving her kisses before bed and she said "Daddy, that's too many kisses! You smell like wine!"

 
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We were watching TV when a Nuvaring commercial aired. After the commercial my six year old son said "Where do you put it?". My wife and I looked at each other and I said "I don't know, I wasn't paying attention".

 
5 yo son getting down from his top bunk just ripping little fart after little fart...

Me: Wow...you're just ripping like crazy.

Him: (almost in a singing tone) That's what I do...that's my job.

 
My 3 year old daughter came up with this gem:

Her:" Daddy I gotta go poop"

Me: "Ok well you better go then"

As she is running to the bathroom she turns to me and says:

"I'm going to make the bathroom stinky like a boy!!" :lmao:

 
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My 6yo is talking to my wife about the birthday cards he bought for me and the dog.

Son--I bought these cards for Dad and Kobey.

Wife--Where are the envelopes?

Son--I didn't buy the envelopes. :lol:

 
The most ridiculous conversation took place in the car the other day while driving during our vacation. As a backdrop, the radio was on and my 7 year old son was having a hard time hearing exactly what was being said. My son was using one of those airplane pillow things that goes around your neck in the car and liked it. It led to the following conversation:

Wife: When we get home, you can use the pillow that you like (referring to the tempurpedic pillow my wife uses)

Son: Huh?

Wife: I said when we get home, you can use the pillow that mommy uses that you like

Son: Oh YAY. What color is it?

Me: :confused:

Wife: (with a puzzled look as to why he cares what color it is) Um, It's cream

Son: Green?

Wife: No, cream

Son: Green?

Wife. No! CREAM!!

Me: :lmao:

Son: Oh. I don't get it

 
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I was getting changed in front of my almost 3 yr old son. He points to my willy and says what's that? I said that's my peepee, you have one too. He says, you have a big one, I have a tiny one. :lol:

 
While getting dinner (for 4 kids)ready yesterday I was getting my 7 year old son a glass of milk and he said:

"I wish I was an only child so I could get faster service."

 
Couple of new ones --

My wife is in the process of changing jobs. She works at a private day care which my 5 year old goes to as well. In the car she was talking to him about the fact that she was changing jobs and he would be going to a new school.

Son - Mom, you should be a home wrecker(what my wife heard).

Wife - :confused: Not sure I understand you?

Son - You know, you should work in our house. Then I can stay at home with you.

My 7 year old tells me the other night that it is dangerous for a male preying mantis to mate with a female preying mantis.

Me - Uh huh.

Son - Well once the female has the baby she bites the males head off and kills him.

Me - If you only knew son. If you only knew.

 
Earlier this year my wife and I were discussing when we might visit my parents, and one of us suggested President's Day weekend. Our five year old son's face lit up and he said with great enthusiasm: "WHEN'S PRESENTS DAY?!?!?"

 
Wife is sitting in reclining chair.

I'm sitting on the coach which makes an "L" shape with the chair as we are watching TV.

My slightly autistic son walks into the room from the kitchen.

The kitchen is behind the chair wife is sitting in, but I can see him enter the room with no problem. She can't.

He walks up to the left side of her chair, with a hamburger in each hand. Home made kind with the big sesame seed buns. :yes:

He says, "Hey Mom." She looks to her left as he takes these big bunned hamburgers, does a 180 so his back is to her, places one in each hand, then firmly presses them against each cheek and says, "look, I have ### burgers." :excited: :excited: :lmao: :lmao:

 
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'Getzlaf15 said:
Wife is sitting in reclining chair.I'm sitting on the coach which makes an "L" shape with the chair as we are watching TV.My slightly autistic son walks into the room from the kitchen.The kitchen is behind the chair wife is sitting in, but I can see him enter the room with no problem. She can't.He walks up to the left side of her chair, with a hamburger in each hand. Home made kind with the big sesame seed buns. :yes: He says, "Hey Mom." She looks to her left as he takes these big bunned hamburgers, does a 180 so his back is to her, places one in each hand, then firmly presses them against each cheek and says, "look, I have ### burgers." :excited: :excited: :lmao: :lmao:
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:lmao:
 
'Getzlaf15 said:
Wife is sitting in reclining chair.I'm sitting on the coach which makes an "L" shape with the chair as we are watching TV.My slightly autistic son walks into the room from the kitchen.The kitchen is behind the chair wife is sitting in, but I can see him enter the room with no problem. She can't.He walks up to the left side of her chair, with a hamburger in each hand. Home made kind with the big sesame seed buns. :yes: He says, "Hey Mom." She looks to her left as he takes these big bunned hamburgers, does a 180 so his back is to her, places one in each hand, then firmly presses them against each cheek and says, "look, I have ### burgers." :excited: :excited: :lmao: :lmao:
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Kid of the year.
 
'Getzlaf15 said:
Wife is sitting in reclining chair.I'm sitting on the coach which makes an "L" shape with the chair as we are watching TV.My slightly autistic son walks into the room from the kitchen.The kitchen is behind the chair wife is sitting in, but I can see him enter the room with no problem. She can't.He walks up to the left side of her chair, with a hamburger in each hand. Home made kind with the big sesame seed buns. :yes: He says, "Hey Mom." She looks to her left as he takes these big bunned hamburgers, does a 180 so his back is to her, places one in each hand, then firmly presses them against each cheek and says, "look, I have ### burgers." :excited: :excited: :lmao: :lmao:
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This is genuinely one of the wittiest and creative original lines that I have ever heard let alone from a child. Tell me you wet yourself laughing and then felt mighty damn proud.
 
'GTBilly said:
'Getzlaf15 said:
Wife is sitting in reclining chair.I'm sitting on the coach which makes an "L" shape with the chair as we are watching TV.My slightly autistic son walks into the room from the kitchen.The kitchen is behind the chair wife is sitting in, but I can see him enter the room with no problem. She can't.He walks up to the left side of her chair, with a hamburger in each hand. Home made kind with the big sesame seed buns. :yes: He says, "Hey Mom." She looks to her left as he takes these big bunned hamburgers, does a 180 so his back is to her, places one in each hand, then firmly presses them against each cheek and says, "look, I have ### burgers." :excited: :excited: :lmao: :lmao:
Click to expand...
This is genuinely one of the wittiest and creative original lines that I have ever heard let alone from a child. Tell me you wet yourself laughing and then felt mighty damn proud.
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It happened about 10 days ago on a Sunday evening. We all still laugh so hard about it.It was also completely out of the blue. He had come downstairs to get his food and was on his way back up to eat and play his video games.I took him in this morning for his three month checkup. His doctor was :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: I'm sure it made his day.Also, it's the first time ever that he verbally admitted to having it.
 
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My son still doesn't always enunciate very well (he's not quite 3 yet) and the other day he looks at me and says, "Boo####, daddy."

I reply, "What was that, pal?".

This time, a little more forceful, "Boo####, Boo####!".

My wife and I look at each other like, :unsure:

He then points over to his riding truck and says it again...Ahhhh, "Push it, daddy."

:lmao:

 
I'm still not sure what this meant.

Last night my daughter comes into our room after being in bed for about 45 minutes. We thought she was asleep.

"Daddy, I'm trying to control my head to sleep but my body is controlling my head and I end up on the covers"

me: :lmao: wut? :lmao:

I pick her up and "fix" her bed and all is well

 
Driving my daughter to school one morning. During our 20 minute drive she likes to play on my iphone. She and I are talking and we are about 2 minutes from the school and she asks to play on my phone. Here is how it played out

Daughter: Daddy can I play on your phone

Me: No we are almost to school

Daughter: daddy I always play on your phone

Me: You wont have time to play anything we are almost there

Daughter: pleeeeaaaase?

Me: not today

Long pause

Daughter: doosh (is this really filtered?)

Me: :shock: :mellow:

 
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'GTBilly said:
'Getzlaf15 said:
Wife is sitting in reclining chair.I'm sitting on the coach which makes an "L" shape with the chair as we are watching TV.My slightly autistic son walks into the room from the kitchen.The kitchen is behind the chair wife is sitting in, but I can see him enter the room with no problem. She can't.He walks up to the left side of her chair, with a hamburger in each hand. Home made kind with the big sesame seed buns. :yes: He says, "Hey Mom." She looks to her left as he takes these big bunned hamburgers, does a 180 so his back is to her, places one in each hand, then firmly presses them against each cheek and says, "look, I have ### burgers." :excited: :excited: :lmao: :lmao:
Click to expand...
This is genuinely one of the wittiest and creative original lines that I have ever heard let alone from a child. Tell me you wet yourself laughing and then felt mighty damn proud.
Click to expand...
I agree. How old is he? Priceless.
 
This morning my 7 yo girl. I kid you not.

Her: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

Her: ####

Me: :confused: "CauLk" who?

Her: ####-a-doodle doo, I love you!

Me: I don't think you should use that joke.

Her: Why not?

I don't even remember what I said after that.

 
'johnnyrock62000 said:
'GTBilly said:
'Getzlaf15 said:
Wife is sitting in reclining chair.I'm sitting on the coach which makes an "L" shape with the chair as we are watching TV.My slightly autistic son walks into the room from the kitchen.The kitchen is behind the chair wife is sitting in, but I can see him enter the room with no problem. She can't.He walks up to the left side of her chair, with a hamburger in each hand. Home made kind with the big sesame seed buns. :yes: He says, "Hey Mom." She looks to her left as he takes these big bunned hamburgers, does a 180 so his back is to her, places one in each hand, then firmly presses them against each cheek and says, "look, I have ### burgers." :excited: :excited: :lmao: :lmao:
Click to expand...
This is genuinely one of the wittiest and creative original lines that I have ever heard let alone from a child. Tell me you wet yourself laughing and then felt mighty damn proud.
Click to expand...
I agree. How old is he? Priceless.
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He's 23.And as I type this, mom just made hamburgers again for the first time since then. :excited:
 
Why tell when I could show!

We just moved into our townhouse and we had yet to get all of our clothes organized. This is a video showing my daughter who was 2 at the time. She uses some colorful language!

 
'shadyridr said:
I was getting changed in front of my almost 3 yr old son. He points to my willy and says what's that? I said that's my peepee, you have one too. He says, you have a big one, I have a tiny one. :lol:
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My 3 yo daughter saw me peeing and she pulls up her shirt and pinched her belly button. I just laughed and said 'yes, belly button'.
 
going on record here: I really don't know where she learned this... I have never pretended to do this to her.

So my daughter likes to wrestle. She's 6 and getting a bit heavy for the powerbombs off the couch.

She likes to wrestle on our bed because I can drop her without getting hurt.

Anyway - she's does one of her punches and I pretend she knocks me down and I'm hurt.

I'm on the bed, she jumps up, sits on my head and tells me.

"Daddy, smell my delicious farts" :lmao: :cry:

me: What?

her: When you fall down, I'm going to sit on your head so you can smell my delicious farts

:unsure:

 
'belljr said:
going on record here: I really don't know where she learned this... I have never pretended to do this to her.So my daughter likes to wrestle. She's 6 and getting a bit heavy for the powerbombs off the couch.She likes to wrestle on our bed because I can drop her without getting hurt.Anyway - she's does one of her punches and I pretend she knocks me down and I'm hurt.I'm on the bed, she jumps up, sits on my head and tells me."Daddy, smell my delicious farts" :lmao: :cry: me: What?her: When you fall down, I'm going to sit on your head so you can smell my delicious farts :unsure:
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Unless she is home schooled, I assure you your six-year-old has already received a comprehensive education on toilet humor from her male classmates. ;)
 
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