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Funny things your kid has said


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  • 3 weeks later...

My 9 yo daughter, "I want to be an author, own a bakery, be a gymnast and be the leader of the free world."

She's been talking about and working toward the first three for years but this is the first time she's mentioned being President. When I said you need to be 35 yo to be President she was pissed, but in a fun way.

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This conversation happened as my wife got out of the shower:

3yo son: Where's your peepee?

Wife: (deer in headlights) .... Girls don't have peepees... boys have peepees, girls have ######s

3yo son: (must have heard it wrong because he repeats it as...) Boys have peepees, girls have ninja turtles.

Wife: :unsure:

3yo son: I want a ninja turtle... I love them!

He then spent the next 5 minutes complaining about wanting a ninja turtle. He's super jealous of girls now.

Similar stories with both of my sons (now 9 and 4)

Both had versions of the "why don't girls have a penis?" conversation with me or my wife.

Both ended up turning the word "va gina" into something totally hilarious.

My oldest called it a "ba die nah" and my youngest still calls it a "china".

My wife and I have to do all we can to not crack up when he says that.

It's these, and other less perverted ;) , adorable mispronunciations that we miss when they finally grow out of them.

Another funny one from my oldest son, who's taking drum lessons now, is he always calls "drum fills" "drum fiddles". Love it.

Edited by joey
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I'm very grateful to have documented over 20 of these stories about my son Connor, who died at 8. Before his service in early June, I printed them all out and most I wouldn't have remembered if this thread weren't here. This became an invaluable archive of memories.

My wife remembered one from when he was 4, that was so like him.

She and her sister took Connor to Marie Calendars and he got a piece of pie with his meal. Wife and her sister tried to talk him into various kinds of pie (so they could be vultures on it), but he was dead set on coconut cream. Wife and sister HATE coconut for some strange reason, and wife knew that Connor shared the affliction.

After intense negotiations failed, he insisted. Pie came. Took one bite.

"I hate it."

He was the kind of kid that was going to have to try everything and make every mistake before he learned.

Totally agree Mr. Ham. It's a great repository for memories.
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After bath time my daughter (4) says, "Mom, I have a hole in my butt."

After trying not to laugh too hard, I say yes, "That is where your poop comes out."

Then my son (9) says, "And every butt has a crack."

Edited by iamsmilin
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This one just happened:

My wife was taking my daughter to bed and she was crying for me to go with her instead. She tells me she loves me the whole world so I ask her "Don't you love mommy too?"

While hugging me she says "I love her half the world" and the entire time I'm staring at her mom (with a not-so-happy look on her face) trying not to laugh.

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So my son is obsessed with superheroes like most boys his age. He has TONS of superhero t-shirts and always gives us a hard time when we try to dress him in something else. anyway, we have tix for next week to see Marvel Universe Live and i ask him what shirt he wants to wear to the show. His response "a Yankee tee-shirt". :oldunsure:

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  • 3 weeks later...

I got two new ones from my 5 yr old son

1. My son's hot babysitter who also used to work in his daycare center, quit and so he hasnt seen her in a few weeks. The other day he asked her if she's in Kevin. :lmao: Took me awhile to figure out he meant Heaven. I dont know whats funnier, the fact he somehow thought she died or the Kevin part.

2. He started calling me bro the other day.

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So my son is obsessed with superheroes like most boys his age. He has TONS of superhero t-shirts and always gives us a hard time when we try to dress him in something else. anyway, we have tix for next week to see Marvel Universe Live and i ask him what shirt he wants to wear to the show. His response "a Yankee tee-shirt". :oldunsure:

You don't wear the shirt of the band you're going to see. He doesn't want to be 'that guy'.

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We had breakfast last week at Toulouse in Seattle. Walking back to our car, my son (7) asks very loudly "Dad, what does #### it (rhymes with bucket) mean?"

What? :mellow:

"#### it, what does that mean?"

After all of us and several bystanders stand there with our jaws dropped... he points down the street at this sign.

Edited by matuski
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We had breakfast last week at Toulouse in Seattle. Walking back to our car, my son (7) asks very loudly "Dad, what does #### it (rhymes with bucket) mean?"

What? :mellow:

"#### it, what does that mean?"

After all of us and several bystanders stand there with our jaws dropped... he points down the street at this sign.

:lmao:

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My daughters only 20 months so her potential for funnies is limited.

When she had just started talking she couldn't say glasses and would call them lies (eyes). Anyway, we were at a christening and the minister was doing te whole piece about how god will look after the child etc. Just as she's finishing up my daughter turns around and starts reaching for my glasses shouting "lies lies!" :lol:

More recently I've started teaching her tv catchphrases (suggestions welcome). My wife just about had a fit the first time she heard "Omar comin'"

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My daughters only 20 months so her potential for funnies is limited.

When she had just started talking she couldn't say glasses and would call them lies (eyes). Anyway, we were at a christening and the minister was doing te whole piece about how god will look after the child etc. Just as she's finishing up my daughter turns around and starts reaching for my glasses shouting "lies lies!" :lol:

More recently I've started teaching her tv catchphrases (suggestions welcome). My wife just about had a fit the first time she heard "Omar comin'"

lol i taught my son "dont just stare at it, eat it" when he was two and i was trying to get him to eat his dinner. Its a movie reference. Look it up if you dont know.
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My daughters only 20 months so her potential for funnies is limited.

When she had just started talking she couldn't say glasses and would call them lies (eyes). Anyway, we were at a christening and the minister was doing te whole piece about how god will look after the child etc. Just as she's finishing up my daughter turns around and starts reaching for my glasses shouting "lies lies!" :lol:

More recently I've started teaching her tv catchphrases (suggestions welcome). My wife just about had a fit the first time she heard "Omar comin'"

lol i taught my son "dont just stare at it, eat it" when he was two and i was trying to get him to eat his dinner. Its a movie reference. Look it up if you dont know.

Oh I know :lol:

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So not my kid, but this cracked me up:

Watching Shark Week stuff this weekend and Jaws comes on. My GF tells me that back when the movie first came out, her dad took her brother to see it in the theater. For whatever reason, he thought it was an OK idea to take an 8 year old to see Jaws. Apparently her dad kept looking over at her brother and for most of the movie he was fine. But towards the end, he could see that his kid was starting to get nervous and squirm in his seat.

During the climactic ending, Brody yells "He's trying to sink us!" At which point, he sits up in his chair and yells, "Jesus Christ, get out of there!"

:lmao:

The theater apparently broke out in laughter. Wish I could have seen that.

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My 5yo daughter has started saying "what's your deal, dude?" to me lately.

Yesterday we were out a local microbrewery and since I know the owners they usually let the kids go watch TV in the back room. My daughter really wanted to go do that but the room was being used so she couldn't. She said "Daddy, go tell them we want to use the room." Me: "No I can't do that". Her (pointing right at me): "Dad you're 42, you can do it!"

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My 5yo daughter has started saying "what's your deal, dude?" to me lately.

Yesterday we were out a local microbrewery and since I know the owners they usually let the kids go watch TV in the back room. My daughter really wanted to go do that but the room was being used so she couldn't. She said "Daddy, go tell them we want to use the room." Me: "No I can't do that". Her (pointing right at me): "Dad you're 42, you can do it!"

:lol: She's got a point...

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My buddies daughter is hilarious. Some reposts from his FB that crack me up.

Let me begin by saying my daughter was very serious during the following.
Scene: (dad sitting on daughter's bed waiting to put her to bed. 5 year old daughter standing in doorway hands on hips)

Daughter: I sure hope you didn't eat chili today.
Me: Actually I did.
Daughter: Get out of my room.

[sidenote - my buddy shaves his head]

Daughter: Why don't you want to grow hair?
Me: I don't know how.
Daughter: Well you better figure it out or you'll never be a princess.

My favorite:

Scene: (me quietly minding my own business on the couch when from another room I hear two people talking)

Mom: [Daughter] your peepee is called a vagina and your brothers is called a penis.

Daughter: A vagina? That's a funny word!

Mom: Yes and I want you to know what they are in case you hear someone at school talking about them, but it is not polite to talk about them all the time unless you have a reason to.

Daughter: What about fairies?

(Me: sigh of relief)

Mom: Yes you can talk about fairies.

Daughter: What about a fairy's vagina?

(Me: dying)
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My buddies daughter is hilarious. Some reposts from his FB that crack me up.

[sidenote - my buddy shaves his head]

Daughter: Why don't you want to grow hair?

Me: I don't know how.

Daughter: Well you better figure it out or you'll never be a princess.

:lmao: This is awesome.

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We had some friends over the other night...my 3yo daughter runs into the Living Room-

- I WANT DADDY'S NUTS!

- {{guests... :unsure:}}

- I want daddy's nuts NOW! (remembering to be polite)... Please? Daddy's BIG NUTS!

She has started calling almonds "daddy's nuts". Big nuts= the type I usually get versus another brand.

--------------------------

She also has started running to get us, with an uncomfortable look on her face...

- My underwear is too spicy.

I still have no idea what this means. Wife thinks it might mean that she has a wedgey.

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We had some friends over the other night...my 3yo daughter runs into the Living Room-

- I WANT DADDY'S NUTS!

- {{guests... :unsure:}}

- I want daddy's nuts NOW! (remembering to be polite)... Please? Daddy's BIG NUTS!

She has started calling almonds "daddy's nuts". Big nuts= the type I usually get versus another brand.

--------------------------

She also has started running to get us, with an uncomfortable look on her face...

- My underwear is too spicy.

I still have no idea what this means. Wife thinks it might mean that she has a wedgey.

:lmao:

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We had some friends over the other night...my 3yo daughter runs into the Living Room-

- I WANT DADDY'S NUTS!

- {{guests... :unsure:}}

- I want daddy's nuts NOW! (remembering to be polite)... Please? Daddy's BIG NUTS!

She has started calling almonds "daddy's nuts". Big nuts= the type I usually get versus another brand.

--------------------------

She also has started running to get us, with an uncomfortable look on her face...

- My underwear is too spicy.

I still have no idea what this means. Wife thinks it might mean that she has a wedgey.

I'm going to start working this into conversation. I'm going to try to make this a thing. :lol:

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I was playing a game with my wife and two kids--12yo girl and 9 yo boy. My son made a move specifically designed to hamper my daughter. After, she asked him to look under the table because the dog was doing something cute but in reality, all she wanted to do was give him the finger so we couldn't see it. :lol:

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I was playing a game with my wife and two kids--12yo girl and 9 yo boy. My son made a move specifically designed to hamper my daughter. After, she asked him to look under the table because the dog was doing something cute but in reality, all she wanted to do was give him the finger so we couldn't see it. :lol:

You should take her to your next golf tournament.

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I was playing a game with my wife and two kids--12yo girl and 9 yo boy. My son made a move specifically designed to hamper my daughter. After, she asked him to look under the table because the dog was doing something cute but in reality, all she wanted to do was give him the finger so we couldn't see it. :lol:

Excellent.

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We were out visiting my aunt/uncle and at their local pool (retirement community). There's a huge shallow end (3'), so my sister was in there with her 5yr old and our 2 boys (7 & 5). My wife, uncle, and I were at the table drinking and watching the kids when our nephew decides to step off the ledge at the 5' section of the pool. My sister was there in an instant and picked him up (he's just learning to swim).

He's obviously a bit spooked, but fine. Everyone's telling him he did a great job getting to the surface of the water when my 5yr old dead pans "yeah Shane!!!! Good job surviving!"

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My wife & 3-year-old son were playing/wrestling on the bed the other day. He jumped on top of her back, and as she was trying to wrangle him she laughed and said, "Get your thirty pound butt off of me!"

My son shot back with, "Mommy, YOU have a thirty pound butt!"

Wife: :o

Me: :lmao:

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I don't think this is so much a funny thing as it's a thing that points out what a dork I am.

3 year old comes into my room in the morning with his clothes to get dressed. It takes a couple minutes to get fully clothed at which point he says, "I got dressed like a boss!!!!"

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  • 3 weeks later...

(posted this elsewhere since I was too lazy to find this thread... but here goes for round 2).



3yo Floppinha has taken to saying "whobody" lately. "whobody ate my cupcake!" match that with this face, and welcome to just how tightly wrapped around her little finger she has me.



7yo Floppinho, out of the blue marched into our room and said to my wife- "stop wasting my potential"- and then marched back out. he's older, and not as cute, so screw him.


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(posted this elsewhere since I was too lazy to find this thread... but here goes for round 2).

3yo Floppinha has taken to saying "whobody" lately. "whobody ate my cupcake!" match that with this face, and welcome to just how tightly wrapped around her little finger she has me.

7yo Floppinho, out of the blue marched into our room and said to my wife- "stop wasting my potential"- and then marched back out. he's older, and not as cute, so screw him.

:lmao:

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(posted this elsewhere since I was too lazy to find this thread... but here goes for round 2).

3yo Floppinha has taken to saying "whobody" lately. "whobody ate my cupcake!" match that with this face, and welcome to just how tightly wrapped around her little finger she has me.

7yo Floppinho, out of the blue marched into our room and said to my wife- "stop wasting my potential"- and then marched back out. he's older, and not as cute, so screw him.

:lmao:

:lmao: so awesome

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My two year old is so proud of himself when he farts that he announces it by saying "me toot". It's cute.


The other night I ripped a big one when I thought I was alone in the kitchen; I was not. The boy giggled, and ran to the living room, where my wife and daughter were, while repeating "Daddy BIG toot".


I mean, I am sure she heard me and all, but way to rat me out boy!

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