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Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

The other day my 22 year old was moving a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer. I was getting ready to put a load into the wash. I noticed he didn't clean out the lint filter so I stopped him.

I told him to clean out the trap and also use a dryer sheet and explained why.

Then he started to set the dryer to the "auto" mode which doesn't really work like it says. So I was about to tell him why he should just use the "timed dry" function.

Me: OK, do you want to learn how to use the dryer the right way or the way your mom uses it?

Him: Ummm...whichever way is going to keep me from having to listen to a lecture from you.

 
Jaysus said:
My two year old is so proud of himself when he farts that he announces it by saying "me toot". It's cute.

The other night I ripped a big one when I thought I was alone in the kitchen; I was not. The boy giggled, and ran to the living room, where my wife and daughter were, while repeating "Daddy BIG toot".

I mean, I am sure she heard me and all, but way to rat me out boy!
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I couldn't wait to do the "pull my finger" thing when my son got around that age... it's taken him about 5 years to figure it out. I still laugh like a hysterical toddler at the farting Tilton youtube thing. :wub: farts. I still need to get the wife on board with this though.

Speaking of, I can't bring myself to do it with my daughter... sexist?

eta: Snitches get Stitches needs to be your next Seuss book.

 
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My daughter is a tom boy for sure. Goggles at facts burps etc.

I love now her go to curse is OH Barnacles.

GB spobgebob

 
I think I may have posted this in here before, but when my daughter was 7, she would wake up in the morning and let one rip. Then she would yell, "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!" :lol:

Oddly, at 10 years old she denies this and tells me that girls don't fart.

 
I'm not sure what he meant by it, or where it picked it up but the other day my 3yo was pretending to be incredible hulk and yelled to me "GET READY FOR MY EXPERIENCE!!!"... then he did his patented HULK SMASH move where he spins in a circle and trips over his own feet into a wall.

 
I was walking the dogs with my 9yo son. By accident, I yanked the dog while he was peeing. My son was outraged.

How would you like it if I yanked you while you were peeing? Next time you're going pee, I am going to yank you off the toilet. :bag:

 
My 8 yr old and I were at a greenhouse, shopping for Mother's Day plant or flowers. We don't have cacti up in WI so I took him over to look at them. He's impressed. Before I could react, he reaches his hand out, "Cool. Are these things rea...OUCH!"

 
Clown Car said:
My 3yo (#8) is a tiny version of my husband. They were playing some face to face game yesterday and I said "you look just like your father". And he says "and he looks awesome!"
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That's great. I've spent years trying to teach my son to say a big, sincere "Thank you!" when someone tells him he looks like me, to no avail. Instead, he gives a look of disgust every time he hears it.

 
Saw this from a friend on Facebook.

Her son (about 7) said his friend has butt burgers. She didn't understand him and asked him to repeat it. He said his friend has butt burgers. She said do you mean Aspergers? He said yes, but he's not allowed to say ###.

 
This one isn't funny as much as it just made me feel old. In the car listening to my music and Van Halen's Jump comes on. Daughter asked me what a "record machine" was. :(

 
On our way to the grocery store a few weeks ago my three year old brings along Buzz Lightyear. This is Big Buzz, to differentiate from the other, little, Buzz that he has.

To preface the rest of this, he's incredibly stubborn and once he latches onto something he can be really hard to move off it. Even with a good distraction he'll often return right to the earlier item. And he WILL NOT BE IGNORED.

So we get out of the car in the parking lot and we put Big Buzz down on the seat to wait for us.

As I get my son out of the car and take his hand to walk through the lot he suddenly says, very loudly...

"I want a Big Woody!"

I immediately start laughing which only makes him mad since I'm not responding.

So he starts yelling, "DADDY, I WANT A BIG WOODY!"

Which only makes me laugh harder.

We repeated this cycle all the way across the lot and by the time we get to the store both of us are :cry: :cry:.

"DADDY, I WANT A BIG WOODY!"

I finally pulled it together enough to calm him down.

But I made the mistake of telling my wife this story, and laughing about it, when we were all in the car. So now he's onto the idea that it's funny and every now and then out of nowhere he shouts "DADDY, I WANT A BIG WOODY!" and laughs his ### off.

 
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So over the last year or so there's been a lot in the news here in Australia about a police crackdown on criminal motorcycle gangs, known here as bikies. There's some local gangs, and local chapters of the big international gangs, Commancheros, Bandidos, Mongols etc. The stuff on TV has been about the inter-gang wars, mass arrests etc.

Anyway, we're in a line at the store, my 6yo daughter is with me. Two spots in front is a 6'4"/300 member of the Bandidos, Viking braid beard, shaved head, "society is for other people" face tattoos, club jacket. 6yo, in her best, stage projecting voice says "Daddy, what bikie team is he in?"

He ignored it, but I almost broke and ran.

Edit: would not have left daughter behind, just to be clear.

 
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Something funny done, not said..

Yesterday my kids and I were doing a video chat with my brother's family across the country. My 3yr old niece has recently been getting over the hump on potty training. So at the end of the call...

Sister in law: "(Niece) has something to show you".

Me: "Oh? Okay, (Niece). Show me."

Niece: (pulls up dress to reveal dropped trou...and I mean *everything*)

Me: "Whoa!" (start laughing hysterically)

Sister in law: "OH MY GOD! (Niece)! No! Show your big girl pants!"

(Niece pulls up underwear, then pulls up dress to reveal that she graduated from diapers)

Me: (still laughing a ton) "Yeay! Big girl underwear! Good for you!"

 
pats3in4 said:
Something funny done, not said..

Yesterday my kids and I were doing a video chat with my brother's family across the country. My 3yr old niece has recently been getting over the hump on potty training. So at the end of the call...

Sister in law: "(Niece) has something to show you".

Me: "Oh? Okay, (Niece). Show me."

Niece: (pulls up dress to reveal dropped trou...and I mean *everything*)

Me: "Whoa!" (start laughing hysterically)

Sister in law: "OH MY GOD! (Niece)! No! Show your big girl pants!"

(Niece pulls up underwear, then pulls up dress to reveal that she graduated from diapers)

Me: (still laughing a ton) "Yeay! Big girl underwear! Good for you!"
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:homer:

 
While taking my five year old to school, she tells me, "You can drop me off like Ethan, I'm practically an adult."

We were watching the news and saw a segment about HP splitting as a company and my ten year old said, "So they are going to become H and P?"

 
My five yr old was doing one of his crying fits and i was ignoring him and he was pleading with me to answer him. Finally he lets out this whopper.

COME ON DADDY, BE A MAN!

 
Kanil said:
I'm not sure what he meant by it, or where it picked it up but the other day my 3yo was pretending to be incredible hulk and yelled to me "GET READY FOR MY EXPERIENCE!!!"... then he did his patented HULK SMASH move where he spins in a circle and trips over his own feet into a wall.
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:tebow:

 
fatness said:
Kanil said:
I'm not sure what he meant by it, or where it picked it up but the other day my 3yo was pretending to be incredible hulk and yelled to me "GET READY FOR MY EXPERIENCE!!!"... then he did his patented HULK SMASH move where he spins in a circle and trips over his own feet into a wall.
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:tebow:
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:lmao: :lmao:

love this kid

 
So my son (3yo) is pretty much done taking naps but his daycare class still has a nap time. He's had a hard time napping when he should and is generally disruptive to the rest of the class who is trying to nap. This has been going on for a few weeks and we're working on it with him so every night I ask him how his nap was. The last week or so he's been doing OK but not yesterday. This was our conversation at dinner:

Me: How was your nap at school today?

3yo: Bad. They took my batman shoes away.

Me: Why?

3yo: Because I was kicking them to make the lights go

Me: That's too bad. I'm disappointed you didn't listen to your teachers and take a good nap.

3yo: I'm disappointed in mommy for this AWESOME DINNER!!!

...I don't think he gets it

 
Kanil said:
So my son (3yo) is pretty much done taking naps but his daycare class still has a nap time. He's had a hard time napping when he should and is generally disruptive to the rest of the class who is trying to nap. This has been going on for a few weeks and we're working on it with him so every night I ask him how his nap was. The last week or so he's been doing OK but not yesterday. This was our conversation at dinner:

Me: How was your nap at school today?

3yo: Bad. They took my batman shoes away.

Me: Why?

3yo: Because I was kicking them to make the lights go

Me: That's too bad. I'm disappointed you didn't listen to your teachers and take a good nap.

3yo: I'm disappointed in mommy for this AWESOME DINNER!!!

...I don't think he gets it
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I think he does get it....he sounds awesome

 
lumpy19 said:
Kanil said:
So my son (3yo) is pretty much done taking naps but his daycare class still has a nap time. He's had a hard time napping when he should and is generally disruptive to the rest of the class who is trying to nap. This has been going on for a few weeks and we're working on it with him so every night I ask him how his nap was. The last week or so he's been doing OK but not yesterday. This was our conversation at dinner:

Me: How was your nap at school today?

3yo: Bad. They took my batman shoes away.

Me: Why?

3yo: Because I was kicking them to make the lights go

Me: That's too bad. I'm disappointed you didn't listen to your teachers and take a good nap.

3yo: I'm disappointed in mommy for this AWESOME DINNER!!!

...I don't think he gets it
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I think he does get it....he sounds awesome
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Wow did Jerry Sandusky just call your kid awesome?

 
This one is not so much funny as a wtf moment.

This morning my kid is playing with his dinosaur and out of no where looks up and asks my wife "How do cows poop?"

I'm glad he asked her.

 
Carlie: Dad, these Pop Tarts look different

Dad: It's not the Wal Mart brand Carlie

Carlie: So, it's the Labories brand? (local store)

Dad: No, it's the Pop Tart brand

Carlie: So you got them from the Pop Tart store??

Dad: Hey Carlie, remember that time you told your best friend that Mommy was going to have a baby, but she wasn't??

Carlie: Yeah Dad. I was 5. Don't judge me...

 
Just last night I'm talking to my 6yo son and he asks how to we see what we see on the laptop. I proceed to go on this long rant about how it's all a series of zeros and ones and it breaks apart through the internet wires and comes back together on the screen. He proceeds to say, "oh, is that code?"

I cracked up!

 
I asked my 6 year old niece where her dad was and she said "He's in the den playing fancy football." I assume she meant "fantasy", but I figured I'd just wait in the hallway for him to get done.

 
My 5 yo boy, naked, after taking a shower: (points at bottom with both hands) "my butt is perfect" (then points at crotch with both hands) "and so is my Penis".

I don't think he has any self esteem issues.

 
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