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A note to my coworker ... (3 Viewers)

Attention Co-Loser:

I know your life suxxors -- wife just left you and slapped a restraining order on your ###, can't afford to get the heat in your car fixed so you are using a can of sterno to defrost your windshield, desperately hoping that your 80's feathered hair and cheesy pron moustache come back into vogue --- but for the love of God when you go out on break to have a smoke or thirty, dousing yourself in cheap cologne does not disguise the stench, it only makes it worse. And while you're at it, why don't you try gargling with some of that cologne because your whiskey breath is MELTING MY ####ING EYEBROWS.

Plz die.

CQ
Um, heh heh. Uh, RIP man. At least you didn't go all Benoit on your family in the process.
Seriously? :lmao:
Totally
Can we get the story here?
Sorry, never saw this reply.Guy was an alcoholic. Got fired for sleeping on the job. Went to work for Wally World. Got arrested/fired for stealing. Was found dead in his home a few weeks later. A co-worker of mine spoke to the neighbor who found him. He had been dead about a week when found :X . No apparent gunshot wound so either OD'd, drank himself to death, or had a heart attack.
Whoa.
 
Guy,

STOP WALKING IN TO MY CUBE TO STAND 6 INCHES BEHIND ME, NOT TALKING, WAITING FOR ME TO TURN AROUND!

I'VE TRIED ALL THE NON-VIOLENT METHODS. YOU ARE ON THE BRINK OF GETTING PUNCHED IN THE NUTS!!!!!! :lmao:

 
Okay. We get it. You called in sick yesterday after being perfectly fine the day before. We believe you, for the most part. So, why do you have to show up today wearing no makeup (which is a shock to behold), in sweatpants, basically, and blowing your nose every half-minute? This isn't the television "Office," where you might be eligible for an Emmy.

 
Attention Co-Loser:

I know your life suxxors -- wife just left you and slapped a restraining order on your ###, can't afford to get the heat in your car fixed so you are using a can of sterno to defrost your windshield, desperately hoping that your 80's feathered hair and cheesy pron moustache come back into vogue --- but for the love of God when you go out on break to have a smoke or thirty, dousing yourself in cheap cologne does not disguise the stench, it only makes it worse. And while you're at it, why don't you try gargling with some of that cologne because your whiskey breath is MELTING MY ####ING EYEBROWS.

Plz die.

CQ
Um, heh heh. Uh, RIP man. At least you didn't go all Benoit on your family in the process.
Seriously? :shrug:
Totally
Can we get the story here?
Sorry, never saw this reply.Guy was an alcoholic. Got fired for sleeping on the job. Went to work for Wally World. Got arrested/fired for stealing. Was found dead in his home a few weeks later. A co-worker of mine spoke to the neighbor who found him. He had been dead about a week when found :lmao: . No apparent gunshot wound so either OD'd, drank himself to death, or had a heart attack.
Whoa.
Wow - that is kind of sad. He was dead a week and no one noticed he was missing.Was he a bad guy or did he just have a bad smoking habit?

 
Dear Chick in the Next Office,

I notice that you come to work everyday at least 45 minutes late. I also notice that you have your phone on "Do Not Disturb" for the entire time you are here. I also can't help but notice your vain attempts at clearing your throat of God-knows-what every 5-7 seconds. Please, oh PLEASE buy some kind of medicine for that disgusting throat clearing/hacking/choking/mucus-gurgling thing that you do constantly.

:confused: :shrug:

Signed,

Grossed out in Virginia

 
Dear Crazy McCrazy Pants,

I knew that you'd be in fine form on 9/11, and, of course, you are not disappointing. Yes, I'm sure the terrorists' newest plot is to do something to children with buses, and kill 2 million of them to start the Holy War. And amazingly the media, who has never met a scary story they didn't like, is withholding the story. It's a good thing we've got you on the case.

Helping the terrorists win,

SM

 
Dear Crazy McCrazy Pants,I knew that you'd be in fine form on 9/11, and, of course, you are not disappointing. Yes, I'm sure the terrorists' newest plot is to do something to children with buses, and kill 2 million of them to start the Holy War. And amazingly the media, who has never met a scary story they didn't like, is withholding the story. It's a good thing we've got you on the case. Helping the terrorists win,SM
Do you have to be Irish to work in your office?
 
Dear co-worker,

I don't give a raging #$%^ about your #$@$%^$ cats or how #@#$%^% playful they were this morning. But thanks for stopping by our department with the news. The #@#$%#@ 20 minute version with #@#$%$# "meows" included for effect was nice.

#@#$ you,

Popeye

 
Dear Crazy McCrazy Pants,I knew that you'd be in fine form on 9/11, and, of course, you are not disappointing. Yes, I'm sure the terrorists' newest plot is to do something to children with buses, and kill 2 million of them to start the Holy War. And amazingly the media, who has never met a scary story they didn't like, is withholding the story. It's a good thing we've got you on the case. Helping the terrorists win,SM
Do you have to be Irish to work in your office?
No, you just have to be able to be really irritating.
 
Dear Crazy McCrazy Pants,I knew that you'd be in fine form on 9/11, and, of course, you are not disappointing. Yes, I'm sure the terrorists' newest plot is to do something to children with buses, and kill 2 million of them to start the Holy War. And amazingly the media, who has never met a scary story they didn't like, is withholding the story. It's a good thing we've got you on the case. Helping the terrorists win,SM
Why do you hate America?
 
Dear Excessive Talker,

I dont care how much money you make, or the Bonus you got, or about your house on the lake.

Your friend,

Humble & Broke

 
Dear Crazy McCrazy Pants,I knew that you'd be in fine form on 9/11, and, of course, you are not disappointing. Yes, I'm sure the terrorists' newest plot is to do something to children with buses, and kill 2 million of them to start the Holy War. And amazingly the media, who has never met a scary story they didn't like, is withholding the story. It's a good thing we've got you on the case. Helping the terrorists win,SM
Why do you hate America?
'Cause them terrorists are just so damned cute.
 
FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST! STOP DRUMMING WITH YOUR FINGERS. YOU ARE NOT NEAL PEART. I DON'T CARE THAT YOU PLAYED DRUMS IN THE HIGH SCHOOL BAND. THAT WAS 24 YEARS AGO. THERE'S NOT EVEN ANY MUSIC IN THIS OFFICE. WHY DO YOU INSIST ON HAMMERING OUT A SOLO EVERY 15 MINUTES LIKE YOU ARE A DEAF PERSON WITH TURRETS?

KILL ME.

LOVE,

GM

 
FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST! STOP DRUMMING WITH YOUR FINGERS. YOU ARE NOT NEAL PEART. I DON'T CARE THAT YOU PLAYED DRUMS IN THE HIGH SCHOOL BAND. THAT WAS 24 YEARS AGO. THERE'S NOT EVEN ANY MUSIC IN THIS OFFICE. WHY DO YOU INSIST ON HAMMERING OUT A SOLO EVERY 15 MINUTES LIKE YOU ARE A DEAF PERSON WITH TURRETS?

KILL ME.

LOVE,

GM
:thumbup: He has towers in his office too?:tourette:

 
What a sweet, sweet day. Yes, you, Mr. Human Beat-box will be leaving for San Diego. How many times did I want to staple your lips together while you did your "bum-diss-ch-ch-ch-swp-verr" with your mouth. I won't be missing your idiotic hair styles you come in with every day or the way you talk to people who have been here for years when you have only been here a few months.

The other day, when 4 of us went out to lunch I wanted nothing more than to shove your face into the rancid foot of the homeless guy in front of the 7-11. But, my prayers have been answered. You are leaving. It feels as if someone just removed a grape-sized tick from my arm. Enjoy him San Diego!! Oh, by the way. I won't be attending your going away shindig after work. Where's the champagne!!!!???

 
FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST! STOP DRUMMING WITH YOUR FINGERS. YOU ARE NOT NEAL PEART. I DON'T CARE THAT YOU PLAYED DRUMS IN THE HIGH SCHOOL BAND. THAT WAS 24 YEARS AGO. THERE'S NOT EVEN ANY MUSIC IN THIS OFFICE. WHY DO YOU INSIST ON HAMMERING OUT A SOLO EVERY 15 MINUTES LIKE YOU ARE A DEAF PERSON WITH TURRETS?

KILL ME.

LOVE,

GM
:lmao: He has towers in his office too?:tourette:
Maybe he thinks he's Prince. :bag:

 
FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST! STOP DRUMMING WITH YOUR FINGERS. YOU ARE NOT NEAL PEART. I DON'T CARE THAT YOU PLAYED DRUMS IN THE HIGH SCHOOL BAND. THAT WAS 24 YEARS AGO. THERE'S NOT EVEN ANY MUSIC IN THIS OFFICE. WHY DO YOU INSIST ON HAMMERING OUT A SOLO EVERY 15 MINUTES LIKE YOU ARE A DEAF PERSON WITH TURRETS?

KILL ME.

LOVE,

GM
:thumbup: He has towers in his office too?:tourette:
:bag:
 
Dear Ship's Maintenance Guy

I don't mind if you visit to discuss football (except that you always want to discuss it when I'm navigating around Cape Horn). However, if you wish to continue discussing the suckitude that is the New York Giants' D, I simply ask that, when getting dressed for the day, you sniff your clothes prior to putting them on. I know that the Plum Island Gut that you carry around stretches the pique cotton to the point where wrinkles are not physically possible so you think you can wear it twice between washes, but please, don't. Here's a clue: If it smells like a large fungus had sweaty sex with a cat in that shirt and then kicked it into a corner somewhere, don't freaking wear it. The vile aroma emanating from your being is enough to put me off Crunchberries for a week.

Also, that nozzle sticking out of the wall at about eye level? That's a shower. That green striped rectangular looking thing gathering dust in the same vicinity? That's a bar of Irish Spring. Please use them. Thankyoueversomuch.

The Cap'n

 
Dear Jackass,

My office door is closed, and the blinds on the window are down. In fact, if you went outside, you'd notice that the blinds to my outside window are also down.

What does this mean to a normal person? I'm ####### busy today! I was here for 14 hours yesterday, probably another 14 today...and so on for the next three weeks. If you need me for something, there are three ways to get my attention.

1. Phone Call

2. E-mail

3. ####### KNOCK ON THE DOOR!!!

Barging in and booming out, "Keys, I need that PR from you right now. Fill the rest of this out." is NOT the way to get things done.

It is, however, a quick way to get the paper tossed in the recycle bin.

Oops, I lost it. :football:

 
Okay ... a new one. Although it is not truly from my "office", I needed to vent ...

Many of you may have heard of the flooding in SE Minnesota and the Federal Emergency declaration. Well, I am the Emergency Response Coordinator for my little town and it amazes me how people can polarize in situations like this. The majority, clearly, have become self-aware and mobilized themselves to get things done. (Not to mention the incredible number of volunteers and professionals who jump in and get things done.) But, there are always those who look to whine and take advantage. Case in point ...

Keep in mind the level of devastation and loss as I explain this one woman's "attitude" ...

Reputation: She is in a home built by Habit for Humanity. I once belonged and helped build these homes, so do not get me wrong, I am not making a general categorization at all. This woman clearly takes advanatage of the opportunity and even tried to SELL the home three months after moving in to it so she could pocket the profit.

She has sox children, three from a husband and three from a LIVE-IN boyfriend. Each set of three's names begin with the same first letter as daddy's first name so she can tell whose they are. More than once neighbors have complained about her public PDA in the backyard with one or both men - from speaking in to the microphone all the way to saddling up. (I kid you not.)

She, and both boyfriends, have jobs - and not something at minimum wage.

If it matters, she's not ugly, but not likely on many "to do" lists.

Building Inspection: So when houses all around her have been destroyed and lay full of mud and debris, the house had a backed up sewer line in ONE bathroom. That's it - I've seen the report myself. Their water works, their sewer works, they have electricity.

Post Flood

Day 1: She and her kids are the first inline for Salvation Army food and Red Cross supplies. They leave with arms full of things donated from all kinds of organizations.

Day 2: Again, back for food and supplies - three times. Ate at every meal served again - all of them. She put a sign in front of her house defining how no one was doing anything "for her". She sought out every reporter and news camera to tell her "sob story" - remember, no damage?

Day 3: Complained at our community meeting that maybe her children needed counseling that the flood impact was starting to affect them. (Someone blurted out she should stop humming her boyfriend in the backyard while they watched.) More free food - more unnecessary supplies.

Asked if the shed anchoring protocol was still the best way to secure her shed. Drove around town (in and out of the dust, mud, wet drywall and garbage piles at the street, etc.) in her "new car" to shwo it off.

Day 4: Asked me again about the blessed shed protocol ... again, there are people without homes, your priority is waaaaaaayyy down here. (I was organizing about 600 volunteers with people who needed them, 9 bobcats, 2 front loaders, appliance flatbeds, and about 50 roll-off dumpster trucks throughout the day.) One more question about the D@** shed and I was going to blow ... so she went in the Red Cross room and loaded up AGAIN and left.

The community meeting introduced some insight on what to expect if FEMA should be available, which was like arming her with a new purpose. She was observed that evening taking evacuated garbage from in front of other homes and puting it on a pile in front of her house. The real kicker ... she was also seen taking five gallon buckets of mud in to her house and throwing them across the floor in teh kitchen and living room.

I caught her kids taking water bottles from the Salvation Army coolers and having a water fight about 9:00PM. Her response was "it's out there for everyoen to use". GGGRRRRrrrrrr ...

Day 5: Taking pictures of the garbage pile of effected belongings and the mud/water damage in her house "so I can report it with my FEMA paperwork". She then proceeded to take arm fulls of cleaning supplies, work boots (donated by Red Wing and LaCrosse shoes btw - awesome stuff), clothes, and school supplies for her kids (donated by the local Wal-Mart for kids impacted by the floods).

I can write more and more and more ... the details provided are miniscule compared to the level of debachary and fraud she has stooped to in the last few weeks.

So finally ... I blew up. My tirade was lengthy, well stated, and essentially banned her from the community center and relative supplies. I know most of the Sheriff deputies (who knew all to well what she was up to) and they backed me up. I then learned at least three people had turned her in to FEMA as a case of fraud.

Maybe this wasn't the intention of this post ... but it was time to share the story somewhere ... and I feel better for it. Thanks. :goodposting:

In closing ... :ahem:

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Fraudulent Wench,

Get your poop in a group!!! Demonstrate some respect for those who are truly in need, some dignity for yourself and family, and a decent example for your kids! Stop hoarding, whoring, whining, and basically just showing your ### and how seld centered and manipulating you can be.

That is all.

much better ... :tumbleweed:

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Okay ... a new one. Although it is not truly from my "office", I needed to vent ...

Many of you may have heard of the flooding in SE Minnesota and the Federal Emergency declaration. Well, I am the Emergency Response Coordinator for my little town and it amazes me how people can polarize in situations like this. The majority, clearly, have become self-aware and mobilized themselves to get things done. (Not to mention the incredible number of volunteers and professionals who jump in and get things done.) But, there are always those who look to whine and take advantage. Case in point ...

Keep in mind the level of devastation and loss as I explain this one woman's "attitude" ...

Reputation: She is in a home built by Habit for Humanity. I once belonged and helped build these homes, so do not get me wrong, I am not making a general categorization at all. This woman clearly takes advanatage of the opportunity and even tried to SELL the home three months after moving in to it so she could pocket the profit.

She has sox children, three from a husband and three from a LIVE-IN boyfriend. Each set of three's names begin with the same first letter as daddy's first name so she can tell whose they are. More than once neighbors have complained about her public PDA in the backyard with one or both men - from speaking in to the microphone all the way to saddling up. (I kid you not.)

She, and both boyfriends, have jobs - and not something at minimum wage.

If it matters, she's not ugly, but not likely on many "to do" lists.

Building Inspection: So when houses all around her have been destroyed and lay full of mud and debris, the house had a backed up sewer line in ONE bathroom. That's it - I've seen the report myself. Their water works, their sewer works, they have electricity.

Post Flood

Day 1: She and her kids are the first inline for Salvation Army food and Red Cross supplies. They leave with arms full of things donated from all kinds of organizations.

Day 2: Again, back for food and supplies - three times. Ate at every meal served again - all of them. She put a sign in front of her house defining how no one was doing anything "for her". She sought out every reporter and news camera to tell her "sob story" - remember, no damage?

Day 3: Complained at our community meeting that maybe her children needed counseling that the flood impact was starting to affect them. (Someone blurted out she should stop humming her boyfriend in the backyard while they watched.) More free food - more unnecessary supplies.

Asked if the shed anchoring protocol was still the best way to secure her shed. Drove around town (in and out of the dust, mud, wet drywall and garbage piles at the street, etc.) in her "new car" to shwo it off.

Day 4: Asked me again about the blessed shed protocol ... again, there are people without homes, your priority is waaaaaaayyy down here. (I was organizing about 600 volunteers with people who needed them, 9 bobcats, 2 front loaders, appliance flatbeds, and about 50 roll-off dumpster trucks throughout the day.) One more question about the D@** shed and I was going to blow ... so she went in the Red Cross room and loaded up AGAIN and left.

The community meeting introduced some insight on what to expect if FEMA should be available, which was like arming her with a new purpose. She was observed that evening taking evacuated garbage from in front of other homes and puting it on a pile in front of her house. The real kicker ... she was also seen taking five gallon buckets of mud in to her house and throwing them across the floor in teh kitchen and living room.

I caught her kids taking water bottles from the Salvation Army coolers and having a water fight about 9:00PM. Her response was "it's out there for everyoen to use". GGGRRRRrrrrrr ...

Day 5: Taking pictures of the garbage pile of effected belongings and the mud/water damage in her house "so I can report it with my FEMA paperwork". She then proceeded to take arm fulls of cleaning supplies, work boots (donated by Red Wing and LaCrosse shoes btw - awesome stuff), clothes, and school supplies for her kids (donated by the local Wal-Mart for kids impacted by the floods).

I can write more and more and more ... the details provided are miniscule compared to the level of debachary and fraud she has stooped to in the last few weeks.

So finally ... I blew up. My tirade was lengthy, well stated, and essentially banned her from the community center and relative supplies. I know most of the Sheriff deputies (who knew all to well what she was up to) and they backed me up. I then learned at least three people had turned her in to FEMA as a case of fraud.

Maybe this wasn't the intention of this post ... but it was time to share the story somewhere ... and I feel better for it. Thanks. :goodposting:
This is why we need mandatory (temporary) sterliization.
 
Okay ... a new one. Although it is not truly from my "office", I needed to vent ...

Many of you may have heard of the flooding in SE Minnesota and the Federal Emergency declaration. Well, I am the Emergency Response Coordinator for my little town and it amazes me how people can polarize in situations like this. The majority, clearly, have become self-aware and mobilized themselves to get things done. (Not to mention the incredible number of volunteers and professionals who jump in and get things done.) But, there are always those who look to whine and take advantage. Case in point ...

Keep in mind the level of devastation and loss as I explain this one woman's "attitude" ...

Reputation: She is in a home built by Habit for Humanity. I once belonged and helped build these homes, so do not get me wrong, I am not making a general categorization at all. This woman clearly takes advanatage of the opportunity and even tried to SELL the home three months after moving in to it so she could pocket the profit.

She has sox children, three from a husband and three from a LIVE-IN boyfriend. Each set of three's names begin with the same first letter as daddy's first name so she can tell whose they are. More than once neighbors have complained about her public PDA in the backyard with one or both men - from speaking in to the microphone all the way to saddling up. (I kid you not.)

She, and both boyfriends, have jobs - and not something at minimum wage.

If it matters, she's not ugly, but not likely on many "to do" lists.

Building Inspection: So when houses all around her have been destroyed and lay full of mud and debris, the house had a backed up sewer line in ONE bathroom. That's it - I've seen the report myself. Their water works, their sewer works, they have electricity.

Post Flood

Day 1: She and her kids are the first inline for Salvation Army food and Red Cross supplies. They leave with arms full of things donated from all kinds of organizations.

Day 2: Again, back for food and supplies - three times. Ate at every meal served again - all of them. She put a sign in front of her house defining how no one was doing anything "for her". She sought out every reporter and news camera to tell her "sob story" - remember, no damage?

Day 3: Complained at our community meeting that maybe her children needed counseling that the flood impact was starting to affect them. (Someone blurted out she should stop humming her boyfriend in the backyard while they watched.) More free food - more unnecessary supplies.

Asked if the shed anchoring protocol was still the best way to secure her shed. Drove around town (in and out of the dust, mud, wet drywall and garbage piles at the street, etc.) in her "new car" to shwo it off.

Day 4: Asked me again about the blessed shed protocol ... again, there are people without homes, your priority is waaaaaaayyy down here. (I was organizing about 600 volunteers with people who needed them, 9 bobcats, 2 front loaders, appliance flatbeds, and about 50 roll-off dumpster trucks throughout the day.) One more question about the D@** shed and I was going to blow ... so she went in the Red Cross room and loaded up AGAIN and left.

The community meeting introduced some insight on what to expect if FEMA should be available, which was like arming her with a new purpose. She was observed that evening taking evacuated garbage from in front of other homes and puting it on a pile in front of her house. The real kicker ... she was also seen taking five gallon buckets of mud in to her house and throwing them across the floor in teh kitchen and living room.

I caught her kids taking water bottles from the Salvation Army coolers and having a water fight about 9:00PM. Her response was "it's out there for everyoen to use". GGGRRRRrrrrrr ...

Day 5: Taking pictures of the garbage pile of effected belongings and the mud/water damage in her house "so I can report it with my FEMA paperwork". She then proceeded to take arm fulls of cleaning supplies, work boots (donated by Red Wing and LaCrosse shoes btw - awesome stuff), clothes, and school supplies for her kids (donated by the local Wal-Mart for kids impacted by the floods).

I can write more and more and more ... the details provided are miniscule compared to the level of debachary and fraud she has stooped to in the last few weeks.

So finally ... I blew up. My tirade was lengthy, well stated, and essentially banned her from the community center and relative supplies. I know most of the Sheriff deputies (who knew all to well what she was up to) and they backed me up. I then learned at least three people had turned her in to FEMA as a case of fraud.

Maybe this wasn't the intention of this post ... but it was time to share the story somewhere ... and I feel better for it. Thanks. :pickle:

In closing ... :ahem:

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Fraudulent Wench,

Get your poop in a group!!! Demonstrate some respect for those who are truly in need, some dignity for yourself and family, and a decent example for your kids! Stop hoarding, whoring, whining, and basically just showing your ### and how seld centered and manipulating you can be.

That is all.

much better ... :thumbup:
WOW. She just needs to be shot.
 
Okay ... a new one. Although it is not truly from my "office", I needed to vent ...

Many of you may have heard of the flooding in SE Minnesota and the Federal Emergency declaration. Well, I am the Emergency Response Coordinator for my little town and it amazes me how people can polarize in situations like this. The majority, clearly, have become self-aware and mobilized themselves to get things done. (Not to mention the incredible number of volunteers and professionals who jump in and get things done.) But, there are always those who look to whine and take advantage. Case in point ...

Keep in mind the level of devastation and loss as I explain this one woman's "attitude" ...

Reputation: She is in a home built by Habit for Humanity. I once belonged and helped build these homes, so do not get me wrong, I am not making a general categorization at all. This woman clearly takes advanatage of the opportunity and even tried to SELL the home three months after moving in to it so she could pocket the profit.

She has sox children, three from a husband and three from a LIVE-IN boyfriend. Each set of three's names begin with the same first letter as daddy's first name so she can tell whose they are. More than once neighbors have complained about her public PDA in the backyard with one or both men - from speaking in to the microphone all the way to saddling up. (I kid you not.)

She, and both boyfriends, have jobs - and not something at minimum wage.

If it matters, she's not ugly, but not likely on many "to do" lists.

Building Inspection: So when houses all around her have been destroyed and lay full of mud and debris, the house had a backed up sewer line in ONE bathroom. That's it - I've seen the report myself. Their water works, their sewer works, they have electricity.

Post Flood

Day 1: She and her kids are the first inline for Salvation Army food and Red Cross supplies. They leave with arms full of things donated from all kinds of organizations.

Day 2: Again, back for food and supplies - three times. Ate at every meal served again - all of them. She put a sign in front of her house defining how no one was doing anything "for her". She sought out every reporter and news camera to tell her "sob story" - remember, no damage?

Day 3: Complained at our community meeting that maybe her children needed counseling that the flood impact was starting to affect them. (Someone blurted out she should stop humming her boyfriend in the backyard while they watched.) More free food - more unnecessary supplies.

Asked if the shed anchoring protocol was still the best way to secure her shed. Drove around town (in and out of the dust, mud, wet drywall and garbage piles at the street, etc.) in her "new car" to shwo it off.

Day 4: Asked me again about the blessed shed protocol ... again, there are people without homes, your priority is waaaaaaayyy down here. (I was organizing about 600 volunteers with people who needed them, 9 bobcats, 2 front loaders, appliance flatbeds, and about 50 roll-off dumpster trucks throughout the day.) One more question about the D@** shed and I was going to blow ... so she went in the Red Cross room and loaded up AGAIN and left.

The community meeting introduced some insight on what to expect if FEMA should be available, which was like arming her with a new purpose. She was observed that evening taking evacuated garbage from in front of other homes and puting it on a pile in front of her house. The real kicker ... she was also seen taking five gallon buckets of mud in to her house and throwing them across the floor in teh kitchen and living room.

I caught her kids taking water bottles from the Salvation Army coolers and having a water fight about 9:00PM. Her response was "it's out there for everyoen to use". GGGRRRRrrrrrr ...

Day 5: Taking pictures of the garbage pile of effected belongings and the mud/water damage in her house "so I can report it with my FEMA paperwork". She then proceeded to take arm fulls of cleaning supplies, work boots (donated by Red Wing and LaCrosse shoes btw - awesome stuff), clothes, and school supplies for her kids (donated by the local Wal-Mart for kids impacted by the floods).

I can write more and more and more ... the details provided are miniscule compared to the level of debachary and fraud she has stooped to in the last few weeks.

So finally ... I blew up. My tirade was lengthy, well stated, and essentially banned her from the community center and relative supplies. I know most of the Sheriff deputies (who knew all to well what she was up to) and they backed me up. I then learned at least three people had turned her in to FEMA as a case of fraud.

Maybe this wasn't the intention of this post ... but it was time to share the story somewhere ... and I feel better for it. Thanks. :wub:

In closing ... :ahem:

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Fraudulent Wench,

Get your poop in a group!!! Demonstrate some respect for those who are truly in need, some dignity for yourself and family, and a decent example for your kids! Stop hoarding, whoring, whining, and basically just showing your ### and how seld centered and manipulating you can be.

That is all.

much better ... :bow:
My apologies for the many typos ... obviously I was frustrated by letting it out.
 
Dear Fred,

Stop showing me photos of your seven year old daughter. She looks just like you, which is to say that she might be the butt-ugliest kid on this planet since man began to walk upright.

Thanks

FM

 
Dear Fred,Stop showing me photos of your seven year old daughter. She looks just like you, which is to say that she might be the butt-ugliest kid on this planet since man began to walk upright.ThanksFM
Sorry but this made me laugh out loud.
 
Hey random man/woman walking by my office: that trash can is complimentary for visitors to my office, or I may use it if whimsy should strike. Just because you can see it from the hallway does not mean it is for you. I don't take to heart the message on your "Teamwork" inspirational poster just because it's in plain view. I don't sit in your chair for the same reason. Keep your apple cores and spent, napkin-wrapped gum for the much larger trash receptacles conveniently located at either end of the hall.

Shut my door, you say? #### you random man/woman walking by my office. I'm a social animal, not some whacko.

Move the can, you say? I repeat, #### you. I should expect my guests to carry their burden further when they've already carried it so far? What kind of host would that make me? That's right, a bad one. Plus, it makes the opening handshake awkward.

In the end, it's not a question of having strange trash in my can, I can deal with strange trash in my can. I don't want to be responsible for what might appear in my can while I'm, say, at a meeting or out to lunch. It's a violation which could result in a misinterpretation of who I am and how others perceive me.

 
Hey random man/woman walking by my office: that trash can is complimentary for visitors to my office, or I may use it if whimsy should strike. Just because you can see it from the hallway does not mean it is for you. I don't take to heart the message on your "Teamwork" inspirational poster just because it's in plain view. I don't sit in your chair for the same reason. Keep your apple cores and spent, napkin-wrapped gum for the much larger trash receptacles conveniently located at either end of the hall.Shut my door, you say? #### you random man/woman walking by my office. I'm a social animal, not some whacko.Move the can, you say? I repeat, #### you. I should expect my guests to carry their burden further when they've already carried it so far? What kind of host would that make me? That's right, a bad one. Plus, it makes the opening handshake awkward.In the end, it's not a question of having strange trash in my can, I can deal with strange trash in my can. I don't want to be responsible for what might appear in my can while I'm, say, at a meeting or out to lunch. It's a violation which could result in a misinterpretation of who I am and how others perceive me.
This is just weird.
 
Hey random man/woman walking by my office: that trash can is complimentary for visitors to my office, or I may use it if whimsy should strike. Just because you can see it from the hallway does not mean it is for you. I don't take to heart the message on your "Teamwork" inspirational poster just because it's in plain view. I don't sit in your chair for the same reason. Keep your apple cores and spent, napkin-wrapped gum for the much larger trash receptacles conveniently located at either end of the hall.Shut my door, you say? #### you random man/woman walking by my office. I'm a social animal, not some whacko.Move the can, you say? I repeat, #### you. I should expect my guests to carry their burden further when they've already carried it so far? What kind of host would that make me? That's right, a bad one. Plus, it makes the opening handshake awkward.In the end, it's not a question of having strange trash in my can, I can deal with strange trash in my can. I don't want to be responsible for what might appear in my can while I'm, say, at a meeting or out to lunch. It's a violation which could result in a misinterpretation of who I am and how others perceive me.
This is just weird.
:boxing:
 
Dear Relationship Manager,

I understand that you are under alot of stress getting deals done. With the new organizational structure we are also under stress. Your views that my coworker should be able to process a transaction in a half hour are misguided and not appreciated. Your views on the allocation of time for my coworkers and myself are not necessary. Your views on how we should split work so that I process a portion of the work and they process another portion may work for autos, but I would like my team to learn all aspects of a transaction and they cannot do this if I take on the most difficult portion of the process.

p.s. When I said "If I ever need advice on how to run my department, you'll be the first person I ask.", I was being facetious.

 
Dear Cougars that sit right next to me,

It's an open office concept. Let's put less emphasis on open and a little more on office, mmmmkay? While I'm sure that sharing the minutiae of every minute of your existence is written in some manual of barely pre-menopausal women;complete with all of your feelings on every event, the persons with the correct number of X chromosomes sitting within 20 feet of you don't want to hear it.

Here's a hint. There are other superlatives in the English language other than "OUTSTANDING!"

Here's hoping you find your husband in bed with his tennis pro.

Yours in Christ,

Scissors

Ps. The pink dolls, pez dispensers, and stuffed animals are not ####### "cute". They're annoying and when I look at your desk, I want to stab you in the throat with your desk lamp.

 
Hey boss,

I'd really appreciate it when someone is talking to me or I'm talking to someone that, when you need to talk to me, you wouldn't stand right next to me or them until we stop talking. You see, this tends to stop our conversation prematurely because we feel awkward with you standing there staring at me. Please do what I do. When I see someone talking to someone and I need to talk to that person I either A: Come back when they are through talking or B: Say "can I interrupt you for a second."

Also, please stop revealing the monkey face flesh you stitched onto your chest. Actually you don't do that. I just made it up.

Thanks,

Cunk

 
Dear Boss:

I'd like to reiterate what I'm doing; I'm complaining about you right now.

I say this not as an act of vengeance, but rather to illustrate the honesty that I've shown since I've worked for you. For example, when I was looking for another job about six months ago, I told you..."I want you to know that I'm looking for another job because you're not paying me enough." Now, someone that was out to cause you problems...or was perhaps a little more sane...would NOT have told you that. You paid me more money, which is probably half of what I could make if I were to commute to NYC. And sincerely, thanks for the raise.

HOWEVER...remember two months ago when my well pump broke, and I called out because...well...without a well pump, I have no running water? I REALLY WAS TRYING TO REPLACE MY WELL PUMP. Your "not understanding why I couldn't come in to work" because of this incident is likely because you didn't understand the concept of water pressure, and the components required to make the clear liquid come out of the faucet when you turn the shiny handles in your house. So, I came in within an hour...and the "work emergency" was handled quite easily. I'm fairly certain the "work emergency" could have been handled by the dried-up, dead plant that's been sitting outside your office door since the day I started working for you; it basically involved reading e-mails.

Still, that was probably for the best; at least I got to replace the well pump at night, when it was cooler. My toddler got to take his nightly bath at a neighbbor's house, which is always fun, and I got to sleep at 3:00 am. You may remember the following day; you know...I looked a little disheveled. You asked why I was cranky.

Also...three weeks ago, when I said I'd be a little late because my washing machine broke, and my basement was flooded? Yeah, that really happened too. Our clients were taken care of, just like I said they would be when I called in. However, the "questioning my commitment to the company" message you left on my voicemail when you found out I was late would probably have been more effective IF YOU HADN'T BEEN CALLING FROM ST. THOMAS AT THE TIME, you condescending, self-centered, egomaniacal, ignorant, illiterate, dizzy #####!

If I was looking for a job, I would TELL you; you know, like I did LAST time. Actually, I'll be telling you that the next time we meet. If nothing else, I'd like to thank you for showing me one thing in my tenure here: It's entirely feasible that someone can run a PR company in this area with practically ZERO organizational or writing skills, take no responsibility for anything, treat clients like crap, overbill everyone, never pay your bills, burn all your bridges, and somehow still keep from going bankrupt.

If someone with half a brain and a good work ethic decided to start their own PR company in this area, you'd probably be screwed. I'll be sure to let you know when I do it.

 
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Dear Mr. Argue with your wife on the phone everyday and repeatedly call her by her first name guy,

I truly do not care about the state of your marriage or the fact that your wife seems to be borderline psychotic and calls you up on the phone to yell at you 3 times a day......EVERY day. I really didn't want to know your wife's name is Robin, but I didn't have a choice in finding out because all you say on the phone for ten minutes is "Robin...Robin....Robin......Robin." I swear, if I hear you say her name one more time, I am going to reach down your throat and pull your vocal chords out your ###! So, either man up and stand up for yourself and tell her to stop calling you at work.....or don't answer the phone when she calls. You are driving your co-workers utterly insane. I personally cannot take it any more. "Robin...Robin....Robin....I'm sorry Huggy Bear? Huggy Bear....WTF? Who calls their significant other Huggy Bear? You make me want to throw up in my mouth and want to cause you great bodily harm. Please do us all a favor run...not walk to the nearest bridge and jump off....that is all!

 
Ahh boss's wife. You do it again. Just when I think you have half a brain you do something that makes me think you have 1/4 of a brain. Like when you were editing some video and you were asking me about the audio levels. So I adjusted the audio to the levels in the program's audio track to the industry standard for video. But you insisted that you liked the level before because it was louder. Guess what. If you turn up the freaking volume on your speakers it will be just as loud as before!!!! :blackdot: You never did understand my explanation of why you shouldn't judge the levels of the audio by your friggin' volume control on you computer.

And today when you sent me that file that was supposed to have some updates in it but it didn't you couldn't understand why. After I thought I was going to throw myself off a cliff trying to make you understand that you have to save the file first. Otherwise you'll be sending me the file with the info before you even opened it today. "But it is showing in my program." Yes!!!! I know!!!! But you must save the damed thing first!!!!!!!

The amount of times I have to resort to saying "Just believe me" after trying, in vain, to get you to understand the simplest things astounds me. :lmao:

 
Okay ... a new one. Although it is not truly from my "office", I needed to vent ...

Many of you may have heard of the flooding in SE Minnesota and the Federal Emergency declaration. Well, I am the Emergency Response Coordinator for my little town and it amazes me how people can polarize in situations like this. The majority, clearly, have become self-aware and mobilized themselves to get things done. (Not to mention the incredible number of volunteers and professionals who jump in and get things done.) But, there are always those who look to whine and take advantage. Case in point ...

Keep in mind the level of devastation and loss as I explain this one woman's "attitude" ...

Reputation: She is in a home built by Habit for Humanity. I once belonged and helped build these homes, so do not get me wrong, I am not making a general categorization at all. This woman clearly takes advanatage of the opportunity and even tried to SELL the home three months after moving in to it so she could pocket the profit.

She has sox children, three from a husband and three from a LIVE-IN boyfriend. Each set of three's names begin with the same first letter as daddy's first name so she can tell whose they are. More than once neighbors have complained about her public PDA in the backyard with one or both men - from speaking in to the microphone all the way to saddling up. (I kid you not.)

She, and both boyfriends, have jobs - and not something at minimum wage.

If it matters, she's not ugly, but not likely on many "to do" lists.

Building Inspection: So when houses all around her have been destroyed and lay full of mud and debris, the house had a backed up sewer line in ONE bathroom. That's it - I've seen the report myself. Their water works, their sewer works, they have electricity.

Post Flood

Day 1: She and her kids are the first inline for Salvation Army food and Red Cross supplies. They leave with arms full of things donated from all kinds of organizations.

Day 2: Again, back for food and supplies - three times. Ate at every meal served again - all of them. She put a sign in front of her house defining how no one was doing anything "for her". She sought out every reporter and news camera to tell her "sob story" - remember, no damage?

Day 3: Complained at our community meeting that maybe her children needed counseling that the flood impact was starting to affect them. (Someone blurted out she should stop humming her boyfriend in the backyard while they watched.) More free food - more unnecessary supplies.

Asked if the shed anchoring protocol was still the best way to secure her shed. Drove around town (in and out of the dust, mud, wet drywall and garbage piles at the street, etc.) in her "new car" to shwo it off.

Day 4: Asked me again about the blessed shed protocol ... again, there are people without homes, your priority is waaaaaaayyy down here. (I was organizing about 600 volunteers with people who needed them, 9 bobcats, 2 front loaders, appliance flatbeds, and about 50 roll-off dumpster trucks throughout the day.) One more question about the D@** shed and I was going to blow ... so she went in the Red Cross room and loaded up AGAIN and left.

The community meeting introduced some insight on what to expect if FEMA should be available, which was like arming her with a new purpose. She was observed that evening taking evacuated garbage from in front of other homes and puting it on a pile in front of her house. The real kicker ... she was also seen taking five gallon buckets of mud in to her house and throwing them across the floor in teh kitchen and living room.

I caught her kids taking water bottles from the Salvation Army coolers and having a water fight about 9:00PM. Her response was "it's out there for everyoen to use". GGGRRRRrrrrrr ...

Day 5: Taking pictures of the garbage pile of effected belongings and the mud/water damage in her house "so I can report it with my FEMA paperwork". She then proceeded to take arm fulls of cleaning supplies, work boots (donated by Red Wing and LaCrosse shoes btw - awesome stuff), clothes, and school supplies for her kids (donated by the local Wal-Mart for kids impacted by the floods).

I can write more and more and more ... the details provided are miniscule compared to the level of debachary and fraud she has stooped to in the last few weeks.

So finally ... I blew up. My tirade was lengthy, well stated, and essentially banned her from the community center and relative supplies. I know most of the Sheriff deputies (who knew all to well what she was up to) and they backed me up. I then learned at least three people had turned her in to FEMA as a case of fraud.

Maybe this wasn't the intention of this post ... but it was time to share the story somewhere ... and I feel better for it. Thanks. :goodposting:

In closing ... :ahem:

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Fraudulent Wench,

Get your poop in a group!!! Demonstrate some respect for those who are truly in need, some dignity for yourself and family, and a decent example for your kids! Stop hoarding, whoring, whining, and basically just showing your ### and how seld centered and manipulating you can be.

That is all.

much better ... :lmao:
UPDATE:- she got a FMEA check of about $6000

- she got two bedroom sets and one living room set FREE from a local furniture manufacturer who donated $1M worth to local residents (her husband works there, she use to work there - there was no damage to their furniture from the flood)

- I turned here in for fraud (as did at least three others)

- she had new sod put in the front yard (amazing that sod was the first thing replaced huh?)

- two squad cars, one sherriff, one state patrol, show up and haul her away for fraud

- have not seen her since

- all is better in the world again :coffee:

 
UPDATE:- she got a FMEA check of about $6000- she got two bedroom sets and one living room set FREE from a local furniture manufacturer who donated $1M worth to local residents (her husband works there, she use to work there - there was no damage to their furniture from the flood)- I turned here in for fraud (as did at least three others)- she had new sod put in the front yard (amazing that sod was the first thing replaced huh?)- two squad cars, one sherriff, one state patrol, show up and haul her away for fraud- have not seen her since - all is better in the world again :)
:thumbup:
 
Dear new hire,

Congrats on getting this job! We're glad to have you.

Okay, I know we work for an IT company. Yes, we have a very casual dress code. I have been known to wear pajamas to work when I'm not feeling well.

However, on your first day...while looking through your closet, why did you pick out the World of Warcraft t-shirt, matching hat, and matching necklace? You think you could've waited until your third day to drop that bomb on us?

You realize, anything you ever say to me is never going to be taken seriously. You okay with that?

Cool.

 
Dearest Matt -

I know I'm just a contractor here, and you're an employee, but this must be said. Please, I beg you, PLEASE learn to breathe through your mouth. You see, when you breathe through your nose, especially those deep breaths that are needed to feed the massive blood supply required to nourish that tremendous case of Dunlaps Disease you have, it makes a loud, annoying whistling sound. While I'm sure your wife finds that attractive (and based on the picture of her on your desk, I assume she's attracted to such things), those of us on the 6th floor would really enjoy some peace and quiet.

Oh, and just so you know... the ''whistling' gets MUCH louder when you fall asleep at your desk.

Much love...

- Kee

 
Dear new hire,Congrats on getting this job! We're glad to have you.Okay, I know we work for an IT company. Yes, we have a very casual dress code. I have been known to wear pajamas to work when I'm not feeling well.However, on your first day...while looking through your closet, why did you pick out the World of Warcraft t-shirt, matching hat, and matching necklace? You think you could've waited until your third day to drop that bomb on us?You realize, anything you ever say to me is never going to be taken seriously. You okay with that?Cool.
Dear Keys,Fine with me. I'm used to it.Sincerely,BGP.
 
Dear new hire,Congrats on getting this job! We're glad to have you.Okay, I know we work for an IT company. Yes, we have a very casual dress code. I have been known to wear pajamas to work when I'm not feeling well.However, on your first day...while looking through your closet, why did you pick out the World of Warcraft t-shirt, matching hat, and matching necklace? You think you could've waited until your third day to drop that bomb on us?You realize, anything you ever say to me is never going to be taken seriously. You okay with that?Cool.
Dear Keys,Fine with me. I'm used to it.Sincerely,BGP.
:mellow:ETA: How much would it suck if BGP actually worked for me?
 
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Hey random man/woman walking by my office: that trash can is complimentary for visitors to my office, or I may use it if whimsy should strike. Just because you can see it from the hallway does not mean it is for you. I don't take to heart the message on your "Teamwork" inspirational poster just because it's in plain view. I don't sit in your chair for the same reason. Keep your apple cores and spent, napkin-wrapped gum for the much larger trash receptacles conveniently located at either end of the hall.Shut my door, you say? #### you random man/woman walking by my office. I'm a social animal, not some whacko.Move the can, you say? I repeat, #### you. I should expect my guests to carry their burden further when they've already carried it so far? What kind of host would that make me? That's right, a bad one. Plus, it makes the opening handshake awkward.In the end, it's not a question of having strange trash in my can, I can deal with strange trash in my can. I don't want to be responsible for what might appear in my can while I'm, say, at a meeting or out to lunch. It's a violation which could result in a misinterpretation of who I am and how others perceive me.
This is just weird.
I KNOW! Yet, it happened again today. 1/4 full Wendy's large sized cup in my trash upon my return from lunch.
 

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