bakes
I am the Beer God!
Enclaves are what they call the 9x9 conference rooms here. Basically a cubicle with four walls and a door.
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A note to my coworker ... (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Nigel Tufnel
- Start date
george
Footballguy
So, what exactly was he doing? And who called him?Enclaves are what they call the 9x9 conference rooms here. Basically a cubicle with four walls and a door.
SimonMoon
Footballguy
Dear Older Lady Who Sits In the Cube Across the Aisle -
Despite the fact that you proclaim loudly, and daily, that your customers love you, the phone calls I and others receive wherein we are asked to keep "that crazy ##### away from us" suggest otherwise. It would be nice if you could live, for just a minute, in the real world, and not the land of sunshine and lollipops you apparently inhabit.
Further, do you think we - who can hear every word you mumble - are interested in how much your acid reflux or irritable bowel syndrome or sweaty feet bother you throughout the day? I know you think you are speaking sotto voce, and I know you have no idea what that means, but really: we don't need to hear it -- just like our customers, whose ears you have bent for 20 minutes with your granddaughter's every diabetic tribulation. We feel for her, but she's, like, eight, and she'll be fine provided you don't dose her with the sugary treats you bake every. Single. Night.
Not 20 minutes ago, you sat there grumbling about one thing or another, and within a span of 2 minutes and 17 seconds, I heard the following:
"Gosh, my head is killing me."
"Jeez Louise, could it be any hotter in here?"
"Man! My feet are sweatin' up a storm!"
These are things that happen to menopausal women, people who probably drink too much wine, and those who don't know when to retire. I feel sympathy for you in some cases, rather like seeing a turtle on his back, and I really do like you as a person. But I truly dread having to come in here, every day, and listen to more of the same old shinola (I used that word especially for you, dear!).
Please, take an aspirin, plug in a fan, and buy some talcum powder, before I step in front of a city bus.
Seriously yours,
SM
Despite the fact that you proclaim loudly, and daily, that your customers love you, the phone calls I and others receive wherein we are asked to keep "that crazy ##### away from us" suggest otherwise. It would be nice if you could live, for just a minute, in the real world, and not the land of sunshine and lollipops you apparently inhabit.
Further, do you think we - who can hear every word you mumble - are interested in how much your acid reflux or irritable bowel syndrome or sweaty feet bother you throughout the day? I know you think you are speaking sotto voce, and I know you have no idea what that means, but really: we don't need to hear it -- just like our customers, whose ears you have bent for 20 minutes with your granddaughter's every diabetic tribulation. We feel for her, but she's, like, eight, and she'll be fine provided you don't dose her with the sugary treats you bake every. Single. Night.
Not 20 minutes ago, you sat there grumbling about one thing or another, and within a span of 2 minutes and 17 seconds, I heard the following:
"Gosh, my head is killing me."
"Jeez Louise, could it be any hotter in here?"
"Man! My feet are sweatin' up a storm!"
These are things that happen to menopausal women, people who probably drink too much wine, and those who don't know when to retire. I feel sympathy for you in some cases, rather like seeing a turtle on his back, and I really do like you as a person. But I truly dread having to come in here, every day, and listen to more of the same old shinola (I used that word especially for you, dear!).
Please, take an aspirin, plug in a fan, and buy some talcum powder, before I step in front of a city bus.
Seriously yours,
SM
george
Footballguy
Give me her email adddress and I will send this to her
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
25 to life --- ouch. Good news is I hear prisoners are big fans of kid touchers, so you've got that going for you.
Have some nice seasons
Have some nice seasons
BigJohn
Footballguy
I've got an extremely hairy ###, and I don't think I've ever dropped a single hair on a toilet seat in my life.
Pyscho Wife
Footballguy
You don't mark where you've been?I've got an extremely hairy ###, and I don't think I've ever dropped a single hair on a toilet seat in my life.
RudiStein
*Not really a bail bondsman
Do you work in the gold industry?25 to life --- ouch. Good news is I hear prisoners are big fans of kid touchers, so you've got that going for you.Have some nice seasons
bakes
I am the Beer God!
We don't know. No idea who the person was as whatever the hell they did in there, they did it before anyone arried this AM.george said:So, what exactly was he doing? And who called him?bakes said:Enclaves are what they call the 9x9 conference rooms here. Basically a cubicle with four walls and a door.Pyscho Wife said:
Pyscho Wife
Footballguy
Late night office sexy time?We don't know. No idea who the person was as whatever the hell they did in there, they did it before anyone arried this AM.george said:So, what exactly was he doing? And who called him?bakes said:Enclaves are what they call the 9x9 conference rooms here. Basically a cubicle with four walls and a door.Pyscho Wife said:
I understand it was a birth defect that caused your left arm to not grow completely leaving a nub right below the elbow. You may not want my sympathy but I feel bad for you since you are such a nice guy. However, the way you kept attaching and removing the binder clip to your nub this morning was weird and kind of gross. Please do not do that again.
Yours in Yahweh,
Juice
Yours in Yahweh,
Juice
SimonMoon
Footballguy
SuperJohn96
RPS World Champion
Oh sweet jesus...
This JUST happened...
This JUST happened...
Code:
DPH-JD: Does the copier sound like a telephone when the pages come out?SJ96 : Um, maybe like a modem I suppose?DPH-JD: No, it sounds like a phone.SJ96 : Ok.DPH-JD: Now, if the copier started talking, that would be weird. :cuewitchcackle:SJ96 : :nervouslyfakelaughs: Actually it would be more weird if YOU were talking to the copier.DPH-JD: No. Voices in my head I understand. But not at work. No voices in my head at work.SJ96 : :blinkblink:DPH-JD: I don't need those problems at work, that can stay at home.SJ96 : :wisheshehadacloackofinvisiblity:Dear per diem Boss/CPA/co-worker,
For a CPA with years and years of experience, you really don't know accounting all that well. Getting beginning retained earnings to match last year's ending retained earnings is pretty much basic accounting. How can you overlook this? Also, your clients don't know #### either and you shouldn't rely on their books/entries. A lot of it is just garbage. And you might want to look up the difference between the cash and accrual method of accounting while you are at it.
And when you asked me what church I went to on the very first day I started, don't assume everyone ####### goes to church. I know this is the south and you guys love your guns and religion, but be a little more open minded and respect other people's views/opinions.
Yours in Christ,
eoMMan
For a CPA with years and years of experience, you really don't know accounting all that well. Getting beginning retained earnings to match last year's ending retained earnings is pretty much basic accounting. How can you overlook this? Also, your clients don't know #### either and you shouldn't rely on their books/entries. A lot of it is just garbage. And you might want to look up the difference between the cash and accrual method of accounting while you are at it.
And when you asked me what church I went to on the very first day I started, don't assume everyone ####### goes to church. I know this is the south and you guys love your guns and religion, but be a little more open minded and respect other people's views/opinions.
Yours in Christ,
eoMMan
Dungeon Master
Footballguy
SJ96 : :wisheshehadacloackofinvisiblity:You see a treasure chest in front of you......
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Werewolf Moderator Fan
Footballguy
Nice call.
TheAristocrat
Footballguy
She means well, I know, but...Email Received:
Dear Dianne,Cologne <> colonTheAristocrat
Plaid Boxer
Footballguy
Dear Age 60+ overweight lady with braces,
I can imagine getting your braces tightened is painful so please excuse yourself from meetings where you will be using a 'drool napkin' to wipe your mouth every minute or so between the sounds of your lips being smacked together. The drool napkin on the table is both unsanitary and disgusting. Ever notice the last two seats taken in the meeting room are the chairs on either side of you?
Thank you.
I can imagine getting your braces tightened is painful so please excuse yourself from meetings where you will be using a 'drool napkin' to wipe your mouth every minute or so between the sounds of your lips being smacked together. The drool napkin on the table is both unsanitary and disgusting. Ever notice the last two seats taken in the meeting room are the chairs on either side of you?
Thank you.
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
Urban legend. No way that happened.
Billy Costigan Jr
Footballguy
HA! I've been meaning to post a similar deal.Crazy old DPH JD just got braces...I mean WTF you scraggly faced Skeletor...you need a paper bag...braces aren't going to help that mug.
Sack-Religious
Footballguy
How can a man's breath smell like manure?
Psychopav
Help us, Joebi-Wan Brynobi, you're our only ho
The Big Guy
Fear the Blitz
Lysol sprayed on co-worker
OK--which one of you did this? Who finally got pushed over the edge?
Angered at smelly lunch, Mich. man sprays coworker with disinfectant
By Tammy Stables Battaglia and Gina Damron / Detroit Free Press
Friday, October 23, 2009 - Added 7h ago
DETROIT — People put up with a lot at work: loud talkers, weird habits, competitive colleagues.
But for an employee at a Troy, Mich., office, it was a co worker’s stinky salad that sent him over the edge.
Troy police said a 58-year-old staffer at an AT&T customer service center was eating a garlicky salad at his desk Oct. 13 when he heard the 53-year-old man in the cubicle next to his grumbling about the smell.
The salad eater, from Birmingham, Mich., looked up just as an aerosol can rose over the cubicle divider, and he was sprayed in the eyes with disinfectant.
A third worker told Troy Police that the sprayer told the salad eater: "If you bring that smelly food in here again, I’ll spray you again," Lt. Michael Lyczkowski related.
The salad eater didn’t seek medical attention but wants his coworker prosecuted.
Lyczkowski said it’s up to him to follow up on charges with the city attorney.
___
OK--which one of you did this? Who finally got pushed over the edge?
Angered at smelly lunch, Mich. man sprays coworker with disinfectant
By Tammy Stables Battaglia and Gina Damron / Detroit Free Press
Friday, October 23, 2009 - Added 7h ago
DETROIT — People put up with a lot at work: loud talkers, weird habits, competitive colleagues.
But for an employee at a Troy, Mich., office, it was a co worker’s stinky salad that sent him over the edge.
Troy police said a 58-year-old staffer at an AT&T customer service center was eating a garlicky salad at his desk Oct. 13 when he heard the 53-year-old man in the cubicle next to his grumbling about the smell.
The salad eater, from Birmingham, Mich., looked up just as an aerosol can rose over the cubicle divider, and he was sprayed in the eyes with disinfectant.
A third worker told Troy Police that the sprayer told the salad eater: "If you bring that smelly food in here again, I’ll spray you again," Lt. Michael Lyczkowski related.
The salad eater didn’t seek medical attention but wants his coworker prosecuted.
Lyczkowski said it’s up to him to follow up on charges with the city attorney.
___
Cunk
Footballguy
Female office neighbor. Please just put a sign on your door that says "LOOK AT ME!!!!" and be done with it. Hey everybody, I bike to work! Look how I bring my bike down the hall! LOOK AT ME!!!!! Hey everyone! I volunteer for things. You wouldn't know it except I put a certificate of participation for my volunteering on the front of my door! LOOK AT ME!!!!!! Hey everyone, I'm not going to be into work on Monday. That's enough info but I'll have to add on our online calendar that it's because I'm running a marathon on Sunday. LOOK AT F'N MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! All this and I still look like a linebacker.
TommyGilmore
Footballguy
Dear idiot,
How many times have I tried to explain the "trick" to diffusing the owner of our company when he's in a rage??
Correct Method: "I told the factory to order XYZ, exactly as you told me to. The factory must have made a mistake."
Your Method: "You told me to order ABC!"
Do you see now why your method probably isn't the best way to do things? Oh well. Enjoy the unemployment checks.
How many times have I tried to explain the "trick" to diffusing the owner of our company when he's in a rage??
Correct Method: "I told the factory to order XYZ, exactly as you told me to. The factory must have made a mistake."
Your Method: "You told me to order ABC!"
Do you see now why your method probably isn't the best way to do things? Oh well. Enjoy the unemployment checks.
rodg12
Footballguy
Had to be MOP, right?????
arrow1
Footballguy
does she wear biking shorts and biking jersey, like she's doing the Tour de France?
Billy Costigan Jr
Footballguy
WTF...
Sack-Religious
Footballguy
Imagine my surprise when the first thing I see when walking into the washroom is you standing in front of the sink with your pants and underwear at your knees. At least your shirt was covering what would have likely been an even worse image that is now permanently burned into my psyche, and I thank you for your efforts to re-clothe yourself quickly, but I have no idea what would compel you to think this was a good idea. After all, the sinks are literally two steps straight ahead from the only door to get into the restroom and are immediately across from the ladies room.
Walking in on you was uncomfortable enough. Then, you had to go and make it even more awkward by saying "what are the chances that someone walks in just as Im doing that." I have no idea what that is, nor do I care to, BUT considering the size of this building and the fact that this is the only mens room for this floor and the floor above it, Id say the chances of someone walking in on you are pretty stinkin good. Idiot.
Thanks for ruining my appetite.
Walking in on you was uncomfortable enough. Then, you had to go and make it even more awkward by saying "what are the chances that someone walks in just as Im doing that." I have no idea what that is, nor do I care to, BUT considering the size of this building and the fact that this is the only mens room for this floor and the floor above it, Id say the chances of someone walking in on you are pretty stinkin good. Idiot.
Thanks for ruining my appetite.
Cavalier
Footballguy
Had your fill of sausage?
You see his treasure chest in front of you...
TheAristocrat
Footballguy
Well played.
SuperJohn96
RPS World Champion
Apparently lots of people shave when they get to work......well, their face anyway.
Oops, pubes
Sack-Religious
Footballguy
I haven't been around much lately, can someone unpack the "treasure chest" thing for me?
SuperJohn96
RPS World Champion
That's what she said.
SimonMoon
Footballguy
Dear CEO -
When we were at our supplier's plant a couple of weeks ago, you locked all of us into a room after banishing the supplier reps, and proceeded to ask us to behave ourselves in this tiny town, as we represent not only our oompany, but our region and state. Your point was well-taken, but due to your ambiguity about what, exactly, that Holiday Inn employee witnessed and wrote a letter to you about, none of us is sure who the perpetrator(s) is/were.
What you have created amongst us is a culture of fear, intrigue, and rumor-mongering. And since I'm the guy who used to front a rock band, everyone assumes I'm the hotel-trasher or employee-disrespecter, or whatever.
Little do you know that I spent the evening in question out on the town with the friggin' MAYOR of that town, and that we got along swimmingly, and further, if I wanted, I'd have a job in his administration just for the asking.
Yes, I closed down a bar. But being raised right, I came into the hotel quietly, alone, and went straight to bed. WHoever your hellraiser was, it wasn't me, and I think we'd all appreciate it if you'd come out and treat us like adults by naming names and shaming those who were responsible for upsetting that hotel clerk.
If you don't, I'm afraid I'm gonna hafta pick up the intercom and publicly denounce you and whoever the idiot was who couldn't handle his liquor.
It wasn't me, and I'm tired of the sideways glances I'm getting from everyone around me. None of THEM are pals with the mayor...
-SM
When we were at our supplier's plant a couple of weeks ago, you locked all of us into a room after banishing the supplier reps, and proceeded to ask us to behave ourselves in this tiny town, as we represent not only our oompany, but our region and state. Your point was well-taken, but due to your ambiguity about what, exactly, that Holiday Inn employee witnessed and wrote a letter to you about, none of us is sure who the perpetrator(s) is/were.
What you have created amongst us is a culture of fear, intrigue, and rumor-mongering. And since I'm the guy who used to front a rock band, everyone assumes I'm the hotel-trasher or employee-disrespecter, or whatever.
Little do you know that I spent the evening in question out on the town with the friggin' MAYOR of that town, and that we got along swimmingly, and further, if I wanted, I'd have a job in his administration just for the asking.
Yes, I closed down a bar. But being raised right, I came into the hotel quietly, alone, and went straight to bed. WHoever your hellraiser was, it wasn't me, and I think we'd all appreciate it if you'd come out and treat us like adults by naming names and shaming those who were responsible for upsetting that hotel clerk.
If you don't, I'm afraid I'm gonna hafta pick up the intercom and publicly denounce you and whoever the idiot was who couldn't handle his liquor.
It wasn't me, and I'm tired of the sideways glances I'm getting from everyone around me. None of THEM are pals with the mayor...
-SM
bakes
I am the Beer God!
CEO got snockered and was shot down in his attempts to pick up the local barslut. Loudly.Guaranteed.
3 people around me right now eating chips.. I just love listening to CRUNCH..CRUNCH..CRUNCH... 
Joe Paterno
Footballguy
So glad I have an office. I would throw myself through a wall if I had to listen to that.3 people around me right now eating chips.. I just love listening to CRUNCH..CRUNCH..CRUNCH...
GreatLakesMike
Footballguy
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joffer
Footballguy
One of my favorite large company hiccups, the inadvertent mass-email:Sent to a Large Business Unit email distribution list (around 1000 people):
followed by approximately 50 responses of:
mixed in with about 100 responses (replying to all) of:
this includes an email from a guy asking to stop replying to all, followed 20 minutes later by an email from the same guy, replying to all, saying that he was copied in error.when it's time for the next layoff, these people better be at the top of the list.
snogger
Footballguy
It is because of idiots who don't know how to use the "Reply too all" feature correctly that made our CEO force us to remove it from our e-mail system. So when we have a legitimate reason to "Reply to all" we have to copy all the names from the previous message into the cc field of the reply message
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bentley
Footballguy
We had an epidemic of "reply to alls" that were about as bad as the one above, including one where an employee sent an email regarding their child's sensitive mental health issues to the whole company instead of one particular person in HR. Now, there are only 15 people that are authorized to send companywide emails. So far, none of us have screwed it up.It is because of idiots who don't know how to use the "Reply too all" feature correctly that made our CEO force us to remove it from our e-mail system. So when we have a legitimate reason to "Reply to all" we have to copy all the names from the previous message into the cc field of the reply message
kupcho1
Footballguy
bentley
Footballguy
:finger:Then forget that part. Focus on the guy stupid enough to send a companywide email about his son being disturbed. Also had a guy that inadvertently sent a corporate-wide invite to a boat party featuring a picture of the boat party from the year before with everyone flipping off the camera.
GTBilly
Footballguy
I cannot believe there are that many computer morons out there that this happens to so regularly, especially considering the possible ramifications.
huskers15
Footballguy
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