Nucular George
Footballguy
I'm sorry. The accident impaired my temporal lobe. You don't have to be rude about it.
So whatever happened to Kodak?Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums
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A note to my coworker ... (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Nigel Tufnel
- Start date
So whatever happened to Kodak?
Master of Past and Present
Footballguy
Dear Fellow Cubers,
To 2 cubes north, please do not minimize all your windows to show me your new background of whatever 'awesome' picture you have recently put up and then ramble on it. I did not ask about a new background when I stepped in because I am not interested, not because I forgot.
To 1 row over and 1 cube down, we don't have the same interests so why are you trying to shoot the #### with me? And please turn down your political radio since I do not want to hear that crap on all day. Oh, and all your business ideas are worse than that guys 'jump to conclusions mat' on Office Space.
To the guy about 10 cubes away, you are not a superstar. I'm not sure what is worse, the fact you hung your high school jersey in your cube or your championship rec t-shirt from 5 years ago.
To the girl in the cube to his left, you are not hot. You are not even cute. The guys are being nice, not hitting on you. The chicks are being nice, not being curious about experimenting with you. You and the basketball guy need to stop acting like you are way better looking than the other and just hook up.
Thanks,
MoPaP
To 2 cubes north, please do not minimize all your windows to show me your new background of whatever 'awesome' picture you have recently put up and then ramble on it. I did not ask about a new background when I stepped in because I am not interested, not because I forgot.
To 1 row over and 1 cube down, we don't have the same interests so why are you trying to shoot the #### with me? And please turn down your political radio since I do not want to hear that crap on all day. Oh, and all your business ideas are worse than that guys 'jump to conclusions mat' on Office Space.
To the guy about 10 cubes away, you are not a superstar. I'm not sure what is worse, the fact you hung your high school jersey in your cube or your championship rec t-shirt from 5 years ago.
To the girl in the cube to his left, you are not hot. You are not even cute. The guys are being nice, not hitting on you. The chicks are being nice, not being curious about experimenting with you. You and the basketball guy need to stop acting like you are way better looking than the other and just hook up.
Thanks,
MoPaP
Keys Myaths
Pokerguy
:(mr. furley said:Wingnut said:Furley is in cheese land.ShoeHorn said:Do you work in Maryland and is your name Dave? I'm being very serious.mr. furley said:lady in of my office is probably about 300 lbs. this after losing 100. she is in her mid40's and lives at home with her perfectly healthy parents. has her WHOLE life. she lives in some podunk town way the ### out. i'm putting money down on her never having entertained the affection of any boy or man her entire life.she recently met, online, some "guy" online. he's sorta half Sling Blade, half Scarecrow, half Jeffrey Dahmer. frightening looking fella. they started dating a few months ago.. now i hear daily, feverish, updates of their "relationship". including their first sleepover. which consisted of him sleeping in one room and her in another.. with the door locked..................at her parents house.today's post V-Day report has been an atrocity. an abomination. talk of marriage is in the air. she's been dating him......2 months maybe? i'm pretty sure she'd marry any guy who would have her. this poor schlub just might be the one.i've heard about EVERYTHING in this office. from papsmear's (sp?), to all manner of gynecological exams, bigotry, blatant racism, tales of prostate examinations, you name it.NONE of it. NONE comes close to making me feel as sick as hearing this woman talk about her "love life" on a daily basis.
Wisconsin and my name is Glenn.
Sack-Religious
Footballguy
Dear microwave polluters;
I understand that you like fish. I have no problems with you wanting to eat it. Really, I don't. I do, however, have a problem with you heating it in the microwave, on high power for 4 minutes, so that not only does it stink up the kitchen and surrounding area, but the odour permeates the food of whoever is unfortunate enough to be heating their lunch up after you have defiled the microwave.
The only way to curb that smell is if your partner in crime, "Mr/Mrs I burned the microwave popcorn, again" steps up to the plate that afternoon. How many times must you burn the microwave popcorn before you realize that you should probably put it in for at least 30 seconds less? "Oops, I burned the popcorn again" doesn't cut it after the second time, nevermind the fifth.
I hate you both.
Sincerely,
S-R
I understand that you like fish. I have no problems with you wanting to eat it. Really, I don't. I do, however, have a problem with you heating it in the microwave, on high power for 4 minutes, so that not only does it stink up the kitchen and surrounding area, but the odour permeates the food of whoever is unfortunate enough to be heating their lunch up after you have defiled the microwave.
The only way to curb that smell is if your partner in crime, "Mr/Mrs I burned the microwave popcorn, again" steps up to the plate that afternoon. How many times must you burn the microwave popcorn before you realize that you should probably put it in for at least 30 seconds less? "Oops, I burned the popcorn again" doesn't cut it after the second time, nevermind the fifth.
I hate you both.
Sincerely,
S-R
mr. furley
Footballguy
To the dumb guy in the cube behind me,
Conversation is a two-way street. It has a rhythm all its own. Interrupting people mid-sentence with "EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH!" until they stop talking and listen is REALLY REALLY ####ING ANNOYING!
Changing it to "SEE! SEE! SEE! SEE! SEE!" until they stop is NO ####ING BETTER!
If you're going to interrupt people when they're talking.. don't just interject some completely un-related, non-sensical, garbage that only you understand. Why you broke in to a conversation about a power outage with "EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! Here's an article i saw in the Sheboygan Bee last week about a guy whose garage door collapsed and fell on his car." is beyond me.
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE #### YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT AND WE DON'T ####ING CARE!!! SHUT THE #### UP!
And, please, STOP throwing yourself on the grenade every time our boss comes around. If she's questioning something that went wrong, ESPECIALLY when you had nothing to do with it and have no idea what she's talking about DO NOT interrupt her ("no, no, no see see see see what it is is, what it is is, see.. {laugh}... woo! see") to tell her about something you did wrong. That only confuses the boss, makes her angry and then we ALL look stupid.
Finally, for the love of allah, STOP singing "hallelujiah! hallelujiah! halelujiah!"x3 when something happens like a new box of printer paper is delivered.. or when the water guy shows up with new jugs.. or when the mail guy stops in. IT'S NOT THAT ####ING EXCITING!!! AND NONE OF US WANTS TO HEAR YOU SINGING SONG VERSES YOU FREAK!!!!!!!!!
god it's been a long morning already.
Conversation is a two-way street. It has a rhythm all its own. Interrupting people mid-sentence with "EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH!" until they stop talking and listen is REALLY REALLY ####ING ANNOYING!
Changing it to "SEE! SEE! SEE! SEE! SEE!" until they stop is NO ####ING BETTER!
If you're going to interrupt people when they're talking.. don't just interject some completely un-related, non-sensical, garbage that only you understand. Why you broke in to a conversation about a power outage with "EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! Here's an article i saw in the Sheboygan Bee last week about a guy whose garage door collapsed and fell on his car." is beyond me.
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE #### YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT AND WE DON'T ####ING CARE!!! SHUT THE #### UP!
And, please, STOP throwing yourself on the grenade every time our boss comes around. If she's questioning something that went wrong, ESPECIALLY when you had nothing to do with it and have no idea what she's talking about DO NOT interrupt her ("no, no, no see see see see what it is is, what it is is, see.. {laugh}... woo! see") to tell her about something you did wrong. That only confuses the boss, makes her angry and then we ALL look stupid.
Finally, for the love of allah, STOP singing "hallelujiah! hallelujiah! halelujiah!"x3 when something happens like a new box of printer paper is delivered.. or when the water guy shows up with new jugs.. or when the mail guy stops in. IT'S NOT THAT ####ING EXCITING!!! AND NONE OF US WANTS TO HEAR YOU SINGING SONG VERSES YOU FREAK!!!!!!!!!
god it's been a long morning already.
mr. furley
Footballguy
Shutterbug
Try Not To Stare
What makes you think she goes home to do her husband; she can do him at night. Maybe it is her boss.mr. furley said:To the lady who sits across from melease, WHEN YOU GO HOME AND HAVE SEX WITH YOUR HUSBAND AT LUNCH, HAVE THE COMMON ####ING COURTESY TO WASH THOROUGHLY!!!!!!!!
mr. furley
Footballguy
thanks, now i have to gouge my eyes out.the lady who sits across from me is a fat slob. ### wider than her chair. smokers cough. guttural laugh. dumb as a box of rocks. our boss is twice her size with neck rolls and the personality of a wooden bench. neither of these women is in any way even remotely attractive.the thought of those two together makes me want to kill myself.What makes you think she goes home to do her husband; she can do him at night. Maybe it is her boss.mr. furley said:To the lady who sits across from me
Shutterbug
Try Not To Stare
Nothing says TIA like a gift basket filled with ##### and slimfast...thanks, now i have to gouge my eyes out.the lady who sits across from me is a fat slob. ### wider than her chair. smokers cough. guttural laugh. dumb as a box of rocks. our boss is twice her size with neck rolls and the personality of a wooden bench. neither of these women is in any way even remotely attractive.the thought of those two together makes me want to kill myself.What makes you think she goes home to do her husband; she can do him at night. Maybe it is her boss.mr. furley said:To the lady who sits across from me
WisWolvrns
Footballguy
a few cubes over...
remember, pick your outfit out of the clean laundry basket... not the dirty one... some days one could faint if you are downwind...
remember, pick your outfit out of the clean laundry basket... not the dirty one... some days one could faint if you are downwind...
Wow. This is horrible.ffjunk said:
Nucular George
Footballguy
Yeah, too bad no one has ever thought of that. Oh well.....
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
Attention Co-Loser:
I know your life suxxors -- wife just left you and slapped a restraining order on your ###, can't afford to get the heat in your car fixed so you are using a can of sterno to defrost your windshield, desperately hoping that your 80's feathered hair and cheesy pron moustache come back into vogue --- but for the love of God when you go out on break to have a smoke or thirty, dousing yourself in cheap cologne does not disguise the stench, it only makes it worse. And while you're at it, why don't you try gargling with some of that cologne because your whiskey breath is MELTING MY ####ING EYEBROWS.
Plz die.
CQ
I know your life suxxors -- wife just left you and slapped a restraining order on your ###, can't afford to get the heat in your car fixed so you are using a can of sterno to defrost your windshield, desperately hoping that your 80's feathered hair and cheesy pron moustache come back into vogue --- but for the love of God when you go out on break to have a smoke or thirty, dousing yourself in cheap cologne does not disguise the stench, it only makes it worse. And while you're at it, why don't you try gargling with some of that cologne because your whiskey breath is MELTING MY ####ING EYEBROWS.
Plz die.
CQ
Running with scissors
Stark Raving Sane
To the two people that have decided to have a meeting standing behind me for the last 22 23 minutes,
There's meeting rooms for that. I hope your wives are cheating on you right at this moment.
Plsdie,
Rws
There's meeting rooms for that. I hope your wives are cheating on you right at this moment.
Plsdie,
Rws
Thanks for the link....Yeah, too bad no one has ever thought of that. Oh well.....
Spladow!
Footballguy
Dear co-worker,
Please brush your teef if you're going to meet with me. If I wanted to smell #### first thing in the morning, I'd go to the bathroom after the regulars take their routine dumps. If you're going to try and impress me with your vocabulary, at least say the words right. Satiate is pronounced sey-shee-eyt, not satch-I-at, dbag. I would love to feed you exlax and then place you in a solitary confinement box. Watching you drive into a lake and die would work too. Thanks.
Please brush your teef if you're going to meet with me. If I wanted to smell #### first thing in the morning, I'd go to the bathroom after the regulars take their routine dumps. If you're going to try and impress me with your vocabulary, at least say the words right. Satiate is pronounced sey-shee-eyt, not satch-I-at, dbag. I would love to feed you exlax and then place you in a solitary confinement box. Watching you drive into a lake and die would work too. Thanks.
Keerock
Footballguy
Give me the details, and I'll make it happen.
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
Can I this?
Sack-Religious
Footballguy
This could be the new "Overheard in New York" or "Overheard in the office"GB you Tufnel.
Keerock
Footballguy
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
blog it up?
The Noid
Avoid me!
Dear Peer,
Guess what, we are all busy and you are not the only one with work to do at this place called a job. Everyone does not need to hear about how busy you are with work, how many meetings you have today, how many messages were on your voice-mail this morning or how many e-mails you have yet to read. If you spent one-tenth the time DOING your work instead of beating everyone’s ear ABOUT your work, you would be able to get your work done AND still have time to do things like read the FFA throughout the day.
Also, you’re a bad liar. When you say something stupid in a meeting or quote some bogus number on a conference call and get called on it, your go to answer is always, “Well, I lost my hard drive 3 times so I probably don’t have the information anymore.” You’re no better than the guy who has a death in the family every time he’s out of vacation time or didn’t get approved for the days off he wanted.
Be prosperous and fare well,
The Noid
Guess what, we are all busy and you are not the only one with work to do at this place called a job. Everyone does not need to hear about how busy you are with work, how many meetings you have today, how many messages were on your voice-mail this morning or how many e-mails you have yet to read. If you spent one-tenth the time DOING your work instead of beating everyone’s ear ABOUT your work, you would be able to get your work done AND still have time to do things like read the FFA throughout the day.
Also, you’re a bad liar. When you say something stupid in a meeting or quote some bogus number on a conference call and get called on it, your go to answer is always, “Well, I lost my hard drive 3 times so I probably don’t have the information anymore.” You’re no better than the guy who has a death in the family every time he’s out of vacation time or didn’t get approved for the days off he wanted.
Be prosperous and fare well,
The Noid
Keerock
Footballguy
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
![[icon]](/data/avatars/m/5/5167.jpg?1660313464){kind=avatar}
[icon]
Insoxicated
Dear Hypochondriac Secretary,
I am sorry that your elbow hurts.... your knee hurts... your head hurts....etc.... every day. I really want to hear about every little ache and pain and I truly enjoy all the drama with which you present your daily update of random ailments that are nothing more than a sign that you're slipping into the mid 50s....
At least, I thought they were just a harmless sign that you were aging until you were recently diagnosed with breast cancer and had to take a leave of absence for chemotherapy.
Nice job picking out the wig and glad things are going well.
Sincerely
Icon
I am sorry that your elbow hurts.... your knee hurts... your head hurts....etc.... every day. I really want to hear about every little ache and pain and I truly enjoy all the drama with which you present your daily update of random ailments that are nothing more than a sign that you're slipping into the mid 50s....
At least, I thought they were just a harmless sign that you were aging until you were recently diagnosed with breast cancer and had to take a leave of absence for chemotherapy.
Nice job picking out the wig and glad things are going well.
Sincerely
Icon
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Sack-Religious
Footballguy
I'm going to hell, but' date='Feb 16 2007, 11:38 AM' post='6356841']Dear Hypochondriac Secretary,I am sorry that your elbow hurts.... your knee hurts... your head hurts....etc.... every day. I really want to hear about every little ache and pain and I truly enjoy all the drama with which you present your daily update of random ailments that are nothing more than a sign that you're slipping into the mid 50s.... at least, I thought they were just a harmless sign that you were aging until you were recently diagnosed with breast cancer and had to take a leave of absence for chemotherapy.
[icon]
Insoxicated
Dear annoying customer service rep lady,
I realize you were a cheerleader at Ole Miss.... but that was at least 40 years ago. Please dress your age. Also... chill the #### out. Your spastic, skittish worry-wort mannerisms remind me of a chihuahua on stage at a lord of the dance tryout.
Finally.. I know you have a son... I know he is about my age. That does NOT mean I want to hear about every time the guy has a bowel movement. For instance, a few years back when we were both purchasing a house at the same time, I genunely could have done without the daily updates on how his search/inspection/negotiations/purchase/closing/move were going. Just because we are the same age does not automatically make me want to be cornered for 15 minutes every time I go into the break room to grab a glass of water.
Oh.. and yes, I DO avoid you like the plague.
XOXO
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I realize you were a cheerleader at Ole Miss.... but that was at least 40 years ago. Please dress your age. Also... chill the #### out. Your spastic, skittish worry-wort mannerisms remind me of a chihuahua on stage at a lord of the dance tryout.
Finally.. I know you have a son... I know he is about my age. That does NOT mean I want to hear about every time the guy has a bowel movement. For instance, a few years back when we were both purchasing a house at the same time, I genunely could have done without the daily updates on how his search/inspection/negotiations/purchase/closing/move were going. Just because we are the same age does not automatically make me want to be cornered for 15 minutes every time I go into the break room to grab a glass of water.
Oh.. and yes, I DO avoid you like the plague.
XOXO
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St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Dear Ladies & Gay Guys,
Please stop hitting on me. Yes I am exceedingly handsome, funny, wealthy & generously endowed. I am however, a happily married man.
Yours in God,
Bob
Please stop hitting on me. Yes I am exceedingly handsome, funny, wealthy & generously endowed. I am however, a happily married man.
Yours in God,
Bob
Print Is Dead
Footballguy
Dear clueless-HR-accouting-type-person,
Sending out a letter to each employee itemizing all "benefits", including employer contributions to social security and medicare that are government mandated, which includes quotes such as "don't forget to thank management and the partners who make decisions on your future benefits," might be bad for employee morale. Please take note of all the printing resumes if you happen by the printer today.
Kthanksbye,
Print Is Dead
Sending out a letter to each employee itemizing all "benefits", including employer contributions to social security and medicare that are government mandated, which includes quotes such as "don't forget to thank management and the partners who make decisions on your future benefits," might be bad for employee morale. Please take note of all the printing resumes if you happen by the printer today.
Kthanksbye,
Print Is Dead
Print Is Dead
Footballguy
Dear generic-white-businessman-who-just-introduced-himself-to-me,
Why are you wearing an Underarmor turtleneck under your blazer in lieu of a dress shirt? I'm pretty sure its sweat-wicking technology is being wasted by using it in this capacity.
Page me,
Print is Dead
Why are you wearing an Underarmor turtleneck under your blazer in lieu of a dress shirt? I'm pretty sure its sweat-wicking technology is being wasted by using it in this capacity.
Page me,
Print is Dead
General Malaise
Footballguy
Captain Quinoa said:
saintfool
Dead sexy
*click-clack-click-clack*
ffjunk
Footballguy
We've all told him how bad he is. Nickname is Stinky. He laughs about it. Just doesn't get it. We don't let him do the dishes anymore and when he does by accident we re-wash as soon as he leaves. Also we keep Lysol by the phones so when he's done we wipe them down. No one wants to sit near or across from him when he eats either. He's one of those holds his breath when he eats and snorts and grunts while doing so people. Bad smokers cough and never covers his pie hole either. One of the most disgusting people I've ever met. In fact he is the most disgusting person I've met.Clayton Gray said:
Print Is Dead
Footballguy
He whispered this as he walked out of my office. Very weird. I don't think he was A.J. Hawk, but I can't really be sure.
mr. furley
Footballguy
Dear sorta-office-friend-of-mine,
Please, knock on my cubicle wall when you want my attention. Or just say "hey" or something.
Stop walking up and standing directly behind my chair so that when i finally DO realize you're there, i can't back up... at all.
I realize you think it's some fun/funny game that you're playing. You think you're a ninja or some such. But it just makes me want to choke you out.
TIA
Please, knock on my cubicle wall when you want my attention. Or just say "hey" or something.
Stop walking up and standing directly behind my chair so that when i finally DO realize you're there, i can't back up... at all.
I realize you think it's some fun/funny game that you're playing. You think you're a ninja or some such. But it just makes me want to choke you out.
TIA
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
Biggish-lady-with-nice-boobs:
See this thing up to my ear (pointing at telephone receiver)? It's a phone. Don't ask me #### when I'm on it. By the way, I'm not really on it, I'm just avoiding your questions.
Yours in Christianity,
Nigel Tufnel
See this thing up to my ear (pointing at telephone receiver)? It's a phone. Don't ask me #### when I'm on it. By the way, I'm not really on it, I'm just avoiding your questions.
Yours in Christianity,
Nigel Tufnel
Print Is Dead
Footballguy
You really need one of those phone headset thingees. I just leave mine on all day and point to it as if i'm on a call to avoid talking to people.
HERBERT THE HIPPO
REAL Ultimate Power
To the guy who just spent about 20 minutes in my office talking about some project I don't care about.....
Your breath smells like a pile of dog crap that has been festering in a pool of decomposed rat pus.
Have a GREAT weekend!!!!
HTH
Your breath smells like a pile of dog crap that has been festering in a pool of decomposed rat pus.
Have a GREAT weekend!!!!
HTH
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Mrs. BSR
Footballguy
Tell her that if she would just wear better blouses that compliment the boobage, you may acknowledge her existence and speak with her.
Sack-Religious
Footballguy
To the idiot who spat out his or her chewed gum in the kitchen sink. WTF is the matter with you? There's a garbage can 3 feet to the left and one in every cubicle/office. Use it.
Print Is Dead
Footballguy
KilljoyI can't wait til these show up in an "Internet Monitoring Software Log" article.Keep up the good work.
The Juggernaut
The Man. The Myth
Dear Fat, Borderline ######ed, Housekeeper Guy,
I'm not interested in talking to you about your old peice of crap truck, your idiot kids and what idiotic prank you played on them, or how awesome of an athlete you were 20 years and 75 pounds ago. Yes, I do get up and leave my office when I hear you coming my way on your daily rounds to empty the trash cans. During the times that you do catch me in here, please take note that me turning my back to you and reading my computer mean that I'm NOT INTERESTED in what you are saying.
Yours in platonic love,
TJ
I'm not interested in talking to you about your old peice of crap truck, your idiot kids and what idiotic prank you played on them, or how awesome of an athlete you were 20 years and 75 pounds ago. Yes, I do get up and leave my office when I hear you coming my way on your daily rounds to empty the trash cans. During the times that you do catch me in here, please take note that me turning my back to you and reading my computer mean that I'm NOT INTERESTED in what you are saying.
Yours in platonic love,
TJ
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