igbomb
Footballguy
That ringtone is phenomenal.
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A note to my coworker ... (7 Viewers)
- Thread starter Nigel Tufnel
- Start date
Cawbird
Footballguy
Hey noisy walker in the next row.............
Why in the world do you have to make 500 trips into the kitchen every morning? Don't you know how to get a cup of coffee, rinse out your water bottle, and grab that awful smelling breakfast all at once?
You walk louder than a herd of cattle........and for having a Sr. Analyst position......you sure don't multi-task very well.
And as I have stressed in earlier posts here.................we don't all need to see your dirty dish in the sink every day. And since I am on a rant.............can you just once.......eat something else at lunch that doesn't stink up the whole kitchen????????
Why in the world do you have to make 500 trips into the kitchen every morning? Don't you know how to get a cup of coffee, rinse out your water bottle, and grab that awful smelling breakfast all at once?
You walk louder than a herd of cattle........and for having a Sr. Analyst position......you sure don't multi-task very well.
And as I have stressed in earlier posts here.................we don't all need to see your dirty dish in the sink every day. And since I am on a rant.............can you just once.......eat something else at lunch that doesn't stink up the whole kitchen????????
Jutz
Footballguy
I like it too
I think it's hilarous. I like the Geico commercial it's in. Makes me laugh every time.
joffer
Footballguy
Dear ###-munch with the Ford F950 Super King Ranch Double Cab Duplex with Optional Breakfast Area that sleeps 16,
The fact that you bought and now have to park a vehicle the size of a small city doesn't give you the consitutional right to three parking spaces. There's a place for your truck, it's called the other end of the parking lot (hint: not the end closest to the entrance). TIA.
Sincerely,
Normal-sized vehicle owner
The fact that you bought and now have to park a vehicle the size of a small city doesn't give you the consitutional right to three parking spaces. There's a place for your truck, it's called the other end of the parking lot (hint: not the end closest to the entrance). TIA.
Sincerely,
Normal-sized vehicle owner
Dexter Manley
Footballguy
I know this guy. He used to work out every day at the company gym. He would occasionally start singing loudly like no one could hear him during his workout. Guy would also wear a wrestling singlet to work out in once or twice a week.
GreatLakesMike
Footballguy
Used to work with a girl who did the same. Very annoying.CBusAlex said:
John 14:6
Jesus is Lord!
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
Kill yourself. TIA.
John 14:6
Jesus is Lord!
Actually, I'm only a CCD. I usually have my phone on vibrate.Kill yourself. TIA.
Before it was "Party People"...
kupcho1
Footballguy
BoltThrower
Footballguy
That's right, just hold down 'Central-Alt-Delete' to restart the computer.
Thanks for the trip back to 1985.
Thanks for the trip back to 1985.
Maybe she was sending a hint to another coworker?
I think this happened on Friday. I was the first one in the office today and noticed it before anyone else was there. If it was meant for someone to notice it was a pretty bad plan.
Cliff Clavin
Footballguy
Dear Middle-Aged Woman,
Please stop saying Wonderbar. The word is wonderful. It makes you look like an idiot.
Please stop saying Wonderbar. The word is wonderful. It makes you look like an idiot.
bumpity bump bump. Cheers to the 27yr old banging 18 year old snatch.and yet he's banging 18 year old women....yeah, what a #####.
Cliff Clavin
Footballguy
Maybe... maybe not. How much overweight are you?
Gr00vus
Footballguy
Shut up and fill out the questionnaire chubs.
Cunk
Footballguy
Hey office neighbor. Thanks for putting up all those pictures of you training for a marathon and letting everybody know about it every day. Funny how much you train yet you still look like a linebacker. But really, thanks for all those pictures. I can put a new one up everyday on my dart board if I want now!
Sack-Religious
Footballguy
You've recently turned 50 and got implants for yourself as a present. How nice!
See, the thing is you're not really an attractive 50 and the clothes you wear are more appropriate for someone less than half your age. It doesn't help that your new boobs are offset by the bulge of your belly in those uber-tight shirts.
People stare, not because you're attractive and have a great rack. They stare because you look like the grandmother of all cougars traipsing around like you're God's gift to boners.
See, the thing is you're not really an attractive 50 and the clothes you wear are more appropriate for someone less than half your age. It doesn't help that your new boobs are offset by the bulge of your belly in those uber-tight shirts.
People stare, not because you're attractive and have a great rack. They stare because you look like the grandmother of all cougars traipsing around like you're God's gift to boners.
Socrates11
Footballguy
You gotta get a pic, not because I want to see this chick, but because I must see this chick
Radical Larry
Footballguy
"...that's like hanging a new chandelier in a haunted house."Jeff Foxworthy
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
saintfool
Dead sexy
maybe she's from schleswig-holstein?
Cliff Clavin
Footballguy
Sack-Religious
Footballguy
Who the hell poops on the floor of the women's washroom?
CBusAlex
Footballguy
GreatLakesMike
Footballguy
That's a good reason NOT to work in a gym.
Warrior
Footballguy
TommyGilmore
Footballguy
Dear co-worker who is constantly justifying his extravagant purchases: congrats on the $700 handmade leather golf bag and the $200 golf cart. I'm sure that these purchases somehow do improve your golf game (I loved the explanation of how you had so much more energy on the 18th hole because your new golf cart rolls soooooo much easier than a rickshaw).
But please stop trying to convince me that I need these things, and that my life would be incomplete without them. I think I'll be just fine with my 10-year-old Bag Boy (which I rarely even need because GOLF BAGS AREN'T HEAVY!)
But please stop trying to convince me that I need these things, and that my life would be incomplete without them. I think I'll be just fine with my 10-year-old Bag Boy (which I rarely even need because GOLF BAGS AREN'T HEAVY!)
Socrates11
Footballguy
kupcho1
Footballguy
You need to post this.
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
The stupid thing, well one of the stupid things, is that the only one out there is barely readable. I looked for it yesterday, because I was taking online training for this crap.
Shooter McGavin
Down the middle
Dear 400 lb chick who has been ranting to my cube neighbor for the past 15 minutes:
Aren't y'all supposed to be jolly?
Thanks for clarifying.
Rgds,
Poor SOB who forgot his iPhone charger today and can't drown out the noise
Aren't y'all supposed to be jolly?
Thanks for clarifying.
Rgds,
Poor SOB who forgot his iPhone charger today and can't drown out the noise
ivnabru
Footballguy
Those are perfect, I can't believe I didn't notice on the 1st look.That's awesome. It looks like something that could have been on the walls at Initech. My favorite feature by far is the three empty spokes.
Shtaym Syek
Footballguy
I like how the spokes are either purely white, or shades of grey.High racial inclusion there.
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
I'm no dietician, but if you turn in your expense report, and your boss asks you to list the people who were at dinner with you -- and it was just you -- you might be overeating. this may be contributing to your weight zooming past the 400 lb barrier.
-Q
p.s. you're fat
-Q
p.s. you're fat
kupcho1
Footballguy
I'd like to nominate:- Personal Hygiene
as one of the three empty slots. Can't come up with 2 others right now (jetlagged)
Sack-Religious
Footballguy
I've since moved to a different posting in the organization, but I hear you're retiring. Amazing that you made it to retirement. Colleagues have told me that you've really ramped up the crazy these past few months, when you actually bothered to show up to work, that is. I figured I'd send you a congratulatory email on your upcoming retirement. So, I sent you the email a few days before your last day and you already had your out of office response on saying:
You won't be missed, but that's brilliant retirement shtick!
Sack-Religious
Footballguy
Yes, you again.So good to hear you had to take the morning off since the hatch of your SUV wouldn't close and it needed to be held shut with a rope/bungee. Did you need to take the morning off to get it to the shop to get it fixed? Nope, you just needed the morning off.Unbelievable.
Shooter McGavin
Down the middle
Dear closeted gay dude,
It's sad to see you so beaten down by your beard marriage most days. But is good that you're still taking care of your grooming. I know you're, "on the fence. It has been a while since you had a pedi", but it's good to hear you're going for it and splurging for your hair and nail appointment this weekend.
homoerotically yours,
SM
It's sad to see you so beaten down by your beard marriage most days. But is good that you're still taking care of your grooming. I know you're, "on the fence. It has been a while since you had a pedi", but it's good to hear you're going for it and splurging for your hair and nail appointment this weekend.
homoerotically yours,
SM
bakes
I am the Beer God!
Dear strange "talks to himself" guy;
Next time, rather than sauntering slowly up to it, nervously shrugging your shoulders and twitching your neck like a geeky teenager about to ask the prom queen out on a date, stride confidently towards one of the urinals. There are people who need to take a freakin' piss here and you're holding up the line.
Sincerely,
Narrowly Averted Pissing His Pants Guy.
Next time, rather than sauntering slowly up to it, nervously shrugging your shoulders and twitching your neck like a geeky teenager about to ask the prom queen out on a date, stride confidently towards one of the urinals. There are people who need to take a freakin' piss here and you're holding up the line.
Sincerely,
Narrowly Averted Pissing His Pants Guy.
videoguy505
Footballguy
For the love of God, just shut up for once. Finish a story quickly and be done with it. I don't need the five or six extra "And so anyway then..." addendums for every conversation. Just end it. When you offer to wait and walk to the parking lot at the end of the day, don't keep me there with your endless yammering for 20 minutes after I'm off the clock and want to go home. When I constantly hit the "unlock" button on my car remote every 60 seconds, that should be a clue.
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
Somewhat related is this week's "Respect-o-Gram" email...Respect is... demonstrating courtesy (e.g., acknowledging, saying good morning, please and thank you) to others.
bakes
I am the Beer God!
Dear Pocahontas:
Who decided that it was a good idea to equip your newly acquired walking cane (a lot cheaper than a healthy lifestyle, I'm sure) with one of those little kid bike bulb-horns? You've fired off that thing fourteen times today so far. WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! It's like working with Harpo Marx. Or Fat ******* from Austin Powers. We can see you. Hell, we can SMELL you. It's hard to miss a polyester clad beach ball with foul tobacco breath and the aroma of a poorly kept stable when it's waddling towards you. We don't need the "hootiehootie" as a reminder. If you're going to go with a warning signal, perhaps a fog horn would be more appropriate. But then you've never let appropriateness dictate your life - after all, you walk around wearing silver and turquoise and have all kinds of dreamcatchers and Indian motifs all over your cubicle but haven't a drop of Native American blood in you.
Kthanksbye.
Who decided that it was a good idea to equip your newly acquired walking cane (a lot cheaper than a healthy lifestyle, I'm sure) with one of those little kid bike bulb-horns? You've fired off that thing fourteen times today so far. WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! It's like working with Harpo Marx. Or Fat ******* from Austin Powers. We can see you. Hell, we can SMELL you. It's hard to miss a polyester clad beach ball with foul tobacco breath and the aroma of a poorly kept stable when it's waddling towards you. We don't need the "hootiehootie" as a reminder. If you're going to go with a warning signal, perhaps a fog horn would be more appropriate. But then you've never let appropriateness dictate your life - after all, you walk around wearing silver and turquoise and have all kinds of dreamcatchers and Indian motifs all over your cubicle but haven't a drop of Native American blood in you.
Kthanksbye.
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