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A note to my coworker ... (3 Viewers)
- Thread starter Nigel Tufnel
- Start date
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
MC Gas Money
Footballguy
I like all my coworkers.
El Floppo
Footballguy
Nugget
Footballguy
Dear coworker,
Thanks for attempting to throw me under the bus today. It was a great wake up call. I hope that you come to me for more assistance in the future. Never go to someone's boss without trying to work it out first. Especially if you count on other people to be successful.
Yours in Christ,
Nugget
Thanks for attempting to throw me under the bus today. It was a great wake up call. I hope that you come to me for more assistance in the future. Never go to someone's boss without trying to work it out first. Especially if you count on other people to be successful.
Yours in Christ,
Nugget
Bonfire
Footballguy
Half the time when I see a-typical spellings of first names, I intentionally slaughter them a few times. It sucks that your parents thought they were super cool and clever and decided to make stuff up, but now you are going to have to pay the price.
Going through resume's I've come across a name like Alyzzabeth, and immediately thrown them out. If it's a competitive position, and everyone has roughly the same background, then this is another weed out. If your parents were so full of themselves to name their kid something silly, its more likely their kid will grown up 'look-at-me' too and generally obnoxious.
SeveredHorseHeads
Footballguy
This seems like a little much.
msommer
Footballguy
Dont' know if I would throw them out, but I'd certainly probe for that in an eventual interview. Don't think it could be hidden very easily
Rick James
Footballguy
"Yours in Christ" slays me every time.
ClownCausedChaos2
Footballguy
I usually call them in for an interview. I have no desire to hire them, but after the interview I follow them to their car and beat them.
They probably did something to deserve it, I figure.
Psychopav
Help us, Joebi-Wan Brynobi, you're our only ho
I had an employee who reported to me named Jesus Aguilera*.One time, I identified him as a potential resource to solve a problem that his skill set aligned nicely with."Yours in Christ" slays me every time.
I took great pleasure in sending the e-mail with the subject line "Jesus is the Answer!".
I still chuckle at that...
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
roadkill1292
Footballguy
This must be a reasonable request because something like it occurs to me at my place of employment several times a day.
Tusken Raider
Footballguy
Ah, the "ker-CHEW" girl.
Should come with a standard issue coffee mug with "High Maintenance," or "Daddy was never home" on it.
MC Gas Money
Footballguy
Still no problems.
Although I do have a problem with someonr on my floor from another company.
He never removes his k cup from the kuerig.
To my co-teacher,
I admit that as a new math teacher, I'm a little fuzzy on how the co-teaching thing is supposed to work, but considering that despite you being scheduled for two classes I teach, one of which meets every day, you pretty much show up whenever the fit takes you. Now I know you're an ESE teacher, but the students can only get the help you need when you actually show up. I long ago stopped expecting your appearances, and while it's testing season, a little heads up would have helped. I'm going to go ahead and guess that you've done this to other teachers as well, which probably explains why I had one of the assistant principals ask me about how often you've shown up. You're very helpful when you're there, but you're almost never there, so I get the feeling you'll be moving on soon.
Best of luck,
Kal El
Students,
Yes, I fully understand that math isn't the most interesting subject in history, and you'd rather talk about what your friends did last night. I went to high school once upon a time, and I can tell you that I remember more of what I was taught than what my friends talked about. Hell, I can't remember most of their names now, and it's only been 12 years since I graduated. But if you pay attention for longer than 4 seconds, you'll understand what's being asked of you. It's the area of a shape, not a Saw trap. The formula is quite literally in front of you, just plug in the numbers into that magic box called a calculator, which has been so prevalent since kindergarten that 2/3 of you can't add simple numbers without it (that's not an exaggeration, I asked a student what 72 - 36 was, they grabbed the calculator) and complete the problem. Also, for those of you looking up the answer key on your phones when you think I'm not looking, I changed the problem around, rendering that key useless. But congrats on earning that zero for not even trying to put forth an effort, and always looking for the easy way out. It only gets harder from here, but restaurants and cleaning services could always use more workers. Meanwhile, those who actually care will be making real money.
I admit that as a new math teacher, I'm a little fuzzy on how the co-teaching thing is supposed to work, but considering that despite you being scheduled for two classes I teach, one of which meets every day, you pretty much show up whenever the fit takes you. Now I know you're an ESE teacher, but the students can only get the help you need when you actually show up. I long ago stopped expecting your appearances, and while it's testing season, a little heads up would have helped. I'm going to go ahead and guess that you've done this to other teachers as well, which probably explains why I had one of the assistant principals ask me about how often you've shown up. You're very helpful when you're there, but you're almost never there, so I get the feeling you'll be moving on soon.
Best of luck,
Kal El
Students,
Yes, I fully understand that math isn't the most interesting subject in history, and you'd rather talk about what your friends did last night. I went to high school once upon a time, and I can tell you that I remember more of what I was taught than what my friends talked about. Hell, I can't remember most of their names now, and it's only been 12 years since I graduated. But if you pay attention for longer than 4 seconds, you'll understand what's being asked of you. It's the area of a shape, not a Saw trap. The formula is quite literally in front of you, just plug in the numbers into that magic box called a calculator, which has been so prevalent since kindergarten that 2/3 of you can't add simple numbers without it (that's not an exaggeration, I asked a student what 72 - 36 was, they grabbed the calculator) and complete the problem. Also, for those of you looking up the answer key on your phones when you think I'm not looking, I changed the problem around, rendering that key useless. But congrats on earning that zero for not even trying to put forth an effort, and always looking for the easy way out. It only gets harder from here, but restaurants and cleaning services could always use more workers. Meanwhile, those who actually care will be making real money.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Dear unfunny, unoriginal people.
1. No, I do not wish to participate in "Battle of the Air Bands" thing at the end-of-the-year luncheon. If I did I would have replied with "Yes, I am interested" to the organizer. Then I probably would have stabbed myself in the heart with a pair of scissors because that would actually be preferable to being in an air band.
2. Along those same lines you do not need to "reply all" if you are interested. This isn't 1996 anymore. Stop replying all to every mass email.
3. If you're "replying all" because you think everybody will find your comment/suggestion about the air band thing funny...you're wrong. You're not funny. Yes, you are a grown man and you suggested we do something from "Grease" and you volunteered to be Rizzo. Hilarious.
1. No, I do not wish to participate in "Battle of the Air Bands" thing at the end-of-the-year luncheon. If I did I would have replied with "Yes, I am interested" to the organizer. Then I probably would have stabbed myself in the heart with a pair of scissors because that would actually be preferable to being in an air band.
2. Along those same lines you do not need to "reply all" if you are interested. This isn't 1996 anymore. Stop replying all to every mass email.
3. If you're "replying all" because you think everybody will find your comment/suggestion about the air band thing funny...you're wrong. You're not funny. Yes, you are a grown man and you suggested we do something from "Grease" and you volunteered to be Rizzo. Hilarious.
IC FBGCav
Footballguy
Poke_4_Life
Footballguy
Dear Coworker,
Remember that project we worked on where you did barely anything and I did most of the work? Yeah, the boss knows the real score because we talk about it often. Also, remember when the marketing folks called for the story they are doing on the project and how you wouldn't shut up for the hour long conference call? I got in a few good lines to the 'reporter' during the hour. I just saw a draft of the article, guess who got most of the quotes? Not you, you pompous ###. Maybe you should learn to speak less and make your words and actions mean more.
God Bless,
Remember that project we worked on where you did barely anything and I did most of the work? Yeah, the boss knows the real score because we talk about it often. Also, remember when the marketing folks called for the story they are doing on the project and how you wouldn't shut up for the hour long conference call? I got in a few good lines to the 'reporter' during the hour. I just saw a draft of the article, guess who got most of the quotes? Not you, you pompous ###. Maybe you should learn to speak less and make your words and actions mean more.
God Bless,
IC FBGCav
Footballguy
I always reply to that with"Yours in Christ" slays me every time.
Running with the Devil,
FUJB
Gawain
Footballguy
Did you ever hire them (him?) I don't see the commercials anymore. I'm contemplating taking a job where 50% or so is BD. More money. Shoot me now.It is Uncle Majic and Shock-Kim the Clown. HTH... Typical, I need to fix an error off of account management
In all seriousness, I'm thinking of hiring them for my boys birthday party, think it would be great shtick for anyone who has seen the infomercial.
I was told by a salesman that he wants me to stick a 30K chargeback on a factory we've bought 20K worth of product from. Glllll peas.
I had a direct report start screaming at me after I told her she couldn't be insubordinate in public. I'd love to get rid of her. She's superfluous. We pay a different office to do what she does. She taught our owner EDI 25 years ago and was foisted on me 18 months ago. An institution. She's a moldy Filipina that will die alone. Her insubordination remarkably doesn't bother me too much.
We spent 30K on air freight to bring in 3500 faucets to Mexico because the salesman neglected to let us know they had been put on ad. Our warehouse delivered 1200 of them to the customer sans invoice or valid order. Our Mexico office was apparently complacent or complicit. Stereotyping never once crossed my mind.
I really like supply chain, managing people is just something I've fallen into. I'm actually passionate about supply chain, which sounds dorky. Just in time, having goods arrive the day the inventory is needed is the small satisfaction that I go into work for. The owner is increasing inventory carry by millions of dollars so I can spend more time managing. Our warehousing will increase by more than my annual salary. Thanx for the motivation guy.
I'm pretty sure that asking me for four hours of work at 5:00 pm when there's 90 minutes of daylight until Yom Kippur violates some tenet.
Oh, and I realize that your brother owns the company, but you never could tell. That hard work you do between the hours of 11:38 and 11:45 is a constant reminder that nepotism is the best -ism.
Shabbat Shalom,
Gawain
mr. furley
Footballguy
xulf
Footballguy
Fat Nick
Footballguy
###hole co-worker, or rather EX-co-worker set up weekly recurring meetings with me with no end date...then promptly left the company and I can't get the meetings to go away. I have no idea why, but I can't get them to stop showing up. I decline the series, I delete the meeting...they keep coming back.
ChiefD
Footballguy
tri-man 47
Footballguy
El Floppo
Footballguy
I hope you're still attending... they're on your schedule.
eta: dammit... bananafish wins.
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brun
Footballguy
Outlook? Try opening the meeting, the series not the occurrence. Click on the Recurrence icon. Change the range or click Remove Recurrence. I know changing the range will work, but not sure if the Remove button also deletes the history as well so I've never used it.
Good luck.
VA703
Footballguy
Fat Nick
Footballguy
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Fat Nick
Footballguy
...we've even moved buildings since then so it showed a room back in the old office. It's not like I could even use the room reservation to go nap or something.
offdee
Footballguy
TheAristocrat
Footballguy
My manager does this all the time. Drives me crazy.Dear nagging coworker,
There's this cool little feature in Outlook that alerts me to every email that hits my inbox. This means there's no ### #### reason you need to immediately send me an IM telling me that you just sent me an email.
Friggin %^&*@!.
So, I've started to put him on wild goose chases by saying I didn't get it. He's now IT's problem.
El Floppo
Footballguy
you might want to ignore the %^&*@! and take a few in the mens room for a wank.Dear nagging coworker,
There's this cool little feature in Outlook that alerts me to every email that hits my inbox. This means there's no ### #### reason you need to immediately send me an IM telling me that you just sent me an email.
Friggin %^&*@!.
elguapo07
Footballguy
Hey you big piece of ####, you have to be the most selfish co-worker I've ever encountered. In a team environment, where teamwork is paramount, you only care about the name on the back of the jersey. You take a leisurely 20 minutes each am to go down the cafe to get your breakfast, then about an hour later you are in the handicap stall for another 20 minutes. You take 1.5hr lunch while everyone else is buried and eats at their desk. Another 20 minutes in the handicapped stall mid afternoon coupled with a late day coffee break with your two misfit friends - are you f'ing kidding me!
Since you are rarely at your desk you end up authorising your wires at the end of the day past the cash sweep deadline thus overdrawing the bank. When your manager comes to you to ask what happened with the OD you blame everyone on your team but yourself. You have no accountability nor any sense of priorities. You are an arrogant and conceded d bag where u have no grounds to be as you are a piece of ####.
Seriously, you have ZERO friends and the social skills of a cobra. You suck, no one wants to work with you and a few of your staff have left strictly because of you. You are just horrible, life sucks enough and the last thing anyone wants is to spend 40hrs a week with a back stabbing arrogant misfit at work who will do everything to make you look bad while trying to make himself look good. If you want to make a contribution to the company then just go away as it's called addition by subtraction. Go back to the farm or whatever backwards ### place you came from, go play your banjo while you date your cousins.
Sincerely,
Your co-workers
PS #### off
PSS #### off and die
Since you are rarely at your desk you end up authorising your wires at the end of the day past the cash sweep deadline thus overdrawing the bank. When your manager comes to you to ask what happened with the OD you blame everyone on your team but yourself. You have no accountability nor any sense of priorities. You are an arrogant and conceded d bag where u have no grounds to be as you are a piece of ####.
Seriously, you have ZERO friends and the social skills of a cobra. You suck, no one wants to work with you and a few of your staff have left strictly because of you. You are just horrible, life sucks enough and the last thing anyone wants is to spend 40hrs a week with a back stabbing arrogant misfit at work who will do everything to make you look bad while trying to make himself look good. If you want to make a contribution to the company then just go away as it's called addition by subtraction. Go back to the farm or whatever backwards ### place you came from, go play your banjo while you date your cousins.
Sincerely,
Your co-workers
PS #### off
PSS #### off and die
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Keerock
Footballguy
offdee
Footballguy
Why don't we all stop tip-toeing around here, and just address the monkey in the room
ointtothestatue:
El Floppo
Footballguy
Hi Coworker,
Our shared bathroom opens onto our shared kitchen/break/copy room. Thank you for spraying that flowery stink spray after horrific bowel movement. Next time- close the door and leave the fan running after you leave the bathroom instead of making our kitchen/break/copy room a superfund site melting with flowery stink spray mixed with ####.
thanks,
sweatpants boner man
Our shared bathroom opens onto our shared kitchen/break/copy room. Thank you for spraying that flowery stink spray after horrific bowel movement. Next time- close the door and leave the fan running after you leave the bathroom instead of making our kitchen/break/copy room a superfund site melting with flowery stink spray mixed with ####.
thanks,
sweatpants boner man
CletiusMaximus
Footballguy
El Floppo
Footballguy
Jobber
Footballguy
East Coast Bias
Footballguy
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