msommer
Footballguy
"It's a go-ril-la", duhWhy don't we all stop tip-toeing around here, and just address the monkey in the roomointtothestatue:
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A note to my coworker ... (3 Viewers)
- Thread starter Nigel Tufnel
- Start date
wadegarrett
FFA Legend™
Why does every conversation about cars or pets or the weather or traffic or the sun or dirt or navel lint or what the #### ever...end up with you TALKING ABOUT YOUR ####### KID?!
Johnny Rock
Footballguy
So the office manager who's been here 20+ years takes a day off.
Pres. does not have an assistant but needs one desperately. He tells the accounting #2 that he's looking for a scan file for 45 minutes (not her job) and if he doesn't get it he'll find someone who will do it right (office manager has been scanning stuff for him).
Instead of just asking for help finding a doc like an adult, he needlessly rips people for 10 min who have nothing to do with it. It's not an emergency. Just ask and people will help. Why act like you're going to fire the OM over it? Childish.
Same thing happens when he searches for emails by a person's name only (their name is on half his emails) and then scrolls to the year when he thinks the event happened.
I put one key word in search and it popped up for him.
One more. Most of the time he lets docs default to a file name and is then surprised when he can't find anything. So a ton of his word docs are named by date such as "January 7th, 2016" because that's on the top of the page when he saves it.
Pres. does not have an assistant but needs one desperately. He tells the accounting #2 that he's looking for a scan file for 45 minutes (not her job) and if he doesn't get it he'll find someone who will do it right (office manager has been scanning stuff for him).
Instead of just asking for help finding a doc like an adult, he needlessly rips people for 10 min who have nothing to do with it. It's not an emergency. Just ask and people will help. Why act like you're going to fire the OM over it? Childish.
Same thing happens when he searches for emails by a person's name only (their name is on half his emails) and then scrolls to the year when he thinks the event happened.
I put one key word in search and it popped up for him.One more. Most of the time he lets docs default to a file name and is then surprised when he can't find anything. So a ton of his word docs are named by date such as "January 7th, 2016" because that's on the top of the page when he saves it.
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IC FBGCav
Footballguy
He sounds like a real peach, does he drink champagne in the bathroom too?So the office manager who's been here 20+ years takes a day off.
Pres. does not have an assistant but needs one desperately. He tells the accounting #2 that he's looking for a scan file for 45 minutes (not her job) and if he doesn't get it he'll find someone who will do it right (office manager has been scanning stuff for him).
Instead of just asking for help finding a doc like an adult, he needlessly rips people for 10 min who have nothing to do with it. It's not an emergency. Just ask and people will help. Why act like you're going to fire the OM over it? Childish.
Same thing happens when he searches for emails by a person's name only (their name is on half his emails) and then scrolls to the year when he thinks the event happened.
One more. Most of the time he lets docs default to a file name and is then surprised when he can't find anything. So a ton of his word docs are named by date such as "January 7th, 2016" because that's on the top of the page when he saves it.
nirad3
Footballguy
DallasDMac
Footballguy
Apparently if you spell it with a "t" in it then it does.nirad3 said:
Reg Lllama of Brixton
Footballguy
To the guy who Dresdened the restroom 5 minutes before I had to use it please go see a doctor...or perhaps an exorcist.
Henry Ford
Footballguy
My office shares a bathroom with a commercial diving company. I'm fairly certain divers eat nothing but eggs and asparagus.
Reg Lllama of Brixton
Footballguy
The culprit here tried to disguise it with some air freshener. It smelled like a buffalo had explosive diarrhea all over one single mini-mart rose.
Henry Ford
Footballguy
A guy courtesy flushed when I went in the other day, and it started actually smelling worse right after. I don't know how that happens.
elguapo07
Footballguy
Nothing has changed with this ##### as he's still the leading candidate for DOY (##### of the Year). I don't report to you but I sit next to you and therefore I witness how you go about your daily business. Let me ask you this, just how ####ed up are your parents? No normal beings could create such an antisocial maladjusted self absorbed misfit.
The 16yr old punk in me wants to piss all over your keyboard and maybe even mail you a turd because you suck so much as a co worker but I don't think "because he is a #####" will fly with HR if I ever got caught doing anything.
Rumor has it the you are interviewing and I hope someone is drunk enough to hire your pathetic ###. Rest assured I'll know you surfaced somewhere as someone else will be posting to this thread about the new guy that spends an hour a day in the ####ter and blames his co workers when he ####s up.
Good riddance ##### bag
kupcho1
Footballguy
I look forward to your next post complaining how he got a raise and promotion because management was afraid he was going to a competitor.
elguapo07
Footballguy
Highly unlikely as I think the turd is out of the.....in any event I think it's fairly obvious now to his manager that this kid was a mistake to promote to a supervisor and him leaving would be addition by subtraction.
im not exaggerating, as his one friend left a few months ago and he has ZERO friends. He had been here for 10 years. He told another guy here that if he goes out on the weekends he goes out by himself. It's sad and pathetic but when you were raised by misfits and you grow up thinking you are smarter and better than everyone at everything it tends to rub people the wrong way an people avoid you.
sbonomo
Footballguy
Stupid question, is the Pres any good or is this a family company? Seems as though he completely lacks common sense which is why I am asking.So the office manager who's been here 20+ years takes a day off.
Pres. does not have an assistant but needs one desperately. He tells the accounting #2 that he's looking for a scan file for 45 minutes (not her job) and if he doesn't get it he'll find someone who will do it right (office manager has been scanning stuff for him).
Instead of just asking for help finding a doc like an adult, he needlessly rips people for 10 min who have nothing to do with it. It's not an emergency. Just ask and people will help. Why act like you're going to fire the OM over it? Childish.
Same thing happens when he searches for emails by a person's name only (their name is on half his emails) and then scrolls to the year when he thinks the event happened.
One more. Most of the time he lets docs default to a file name and is then surprised when he can't find anything. So a ton of his word docs are named by date such as "January 7th, 2016" because that's on the top of the page when he saves it.
matuski
Footballguy
Hey guy - you told me you needed to get home for an emergency, you told me you changed your flight to this morning.
I picked you up you were wearing shorts, polo, flip flops. I dropped you off at the airport at 9AM. I hadn't even driven off when you got in that cab.
Also, you kept asking about the golf course by the airport. Yea, I noticed.
I picked you up you were wearing shorts, polo, flip flops. I dropped you off at the airport at 9AM. I hadn't even driven off when you got in that cab.
Also, you kept asking about the golf course by the airport. Yea, I noticed.
Johnny Rock
Footballguy
Privately held majority owner of family company. He's good at the things he's good at. Many other things there are great too. But the meltdowns are sometimes epic and nonsensical.
Cowboysfan8
Footballguy
That generation are a giant bunch of #######proninja said:
Henry Ford
Footballguy
matuski
Footballguy
A Clinical Manager that was helping me train/convert a hospital system this week is a #####. Kept asking all week about the Quarry Golf Club here near the airport and how it would be nice if it worked out he could play...
what?
Fast forward 3 days later (today) he has an unspecified "family emergency", allegedly switches flights and needs me to drop him off, is dressed for golf, and I see him in my rear view mirror hopping in a cab.
Was kinda liking this guy until now. Now I gotta set him straight on Monday with an awkward conversation.
No idea why he asked me to take him to the airport... either he is that stupid, or he thinks I am that stupid.
Henry Ford
Footballguy
Yeah, I understood what you were saying, but still....
what?
Oh, and of course you had to take him. Because, see, if you take him to the airport you won't be suspicious.
msommer
Footballguy
Dear Boss,
I am not your mom.
I understand that you have chosen not to have a car. I understand that you have recently moved to a place 6 miles from me. This does, however, not obligate me in any way to be your personal driver.
Also, when you lie to me for convenience, I notice. For instance, I'm not going to pay your bus fare, no matter what.
And frankly if I could avoid having lunch or any other meals or what not with you for the rest of eternity that would be a plus. How can you not know how to chew with your mouth closed? Did you real mom (the one in the nursing home you hardly ever visit, because it's just too far away) drop you on your head when you were a baby?
Yours sincerely
Actively looking to escape
I am not your mom.
I understand that you have chosen not to have a car. I understand that you have recently moved to a place 6 miles from me. This does, however, not obligate me in any way to be your personal driver.
Also, when you lie to me for convenience, I notice. For instance, I'm not going to pay your bus fare, no matter what.
And frankly if I could avoid having lunch or any other meals or what not with you for the rest of eternity that would be a plus. How can you not know how to chew with your mouth closed? Did you real mom (the one in the nursing home you hardly ever visit, because it's just too far away) drop you on your head when you were a baby?
Yours sincerely
Actively looking to escape
skol asylum
Footballguy
I came to type the same thing a little bit ago but decided I didn't want to bring the funny down. Good luck D3.Dear Co-Workers,
I wish I had you.
Sincerely,
Still Unemployed
IC FBGCav
Footballguy
sbonomo
Footballguy
-fish-
Footballguy
Angry Beavers
Footballguy
matuski
Footballguy
He tried to play dumb, I told him I am not dumb and gave him an out... he kept playing dumb. I told him I'll be requesting another clinical to replace him on next project - and that he can have this conversation with his direct report. I guess I'm his superior, and when he is with me he works for me, but I am not his actual boss.
Meanwhile he is doing a good job for me in the hospitals this week. Kinda torn.. haven't mentioned a thing to his manager.
ChiefD
Footballguy
top dog
Footballguy
Dear Boss,
Raising your eyebrow every time I tell you something you don't understand/don't agree with and adding dramatic pauses in EVERY ####### SENTENCE is not helping the project move faster. Also, just because you can think of a task in 10 seconds, doesn't mean that the team can accomplish said task in 10 seconds.
Thanks,
TD
Raising your eyebrow every time I tell you something you don't understand/don't agree with and adding dramatic pauses in EVERY ####### SENTENCE is not helping the project move faster. Also, just because you can think of a task in 10 seconds, doesn't mean that the team can accomplish said task in 10 seconds.
Thanks,
TD
top dog
Footballguy
Dear Junior Programmer,
Stop blaming your ####ty code on people who no longer work with the company. Also stop picking your nose every 5 minutes, snorting snot back down your throat, overly dramatic coughing and overall terrible hygiene. Just because you can't hear yourself smacking your lips together and burping as you munch on veggie straws and suck down Dr. Pepper doesn't mean everyone else can't hear it. You would know this if your were not wearing your headphones and listening to Apocolytica while browsing for your next Dungeons and Dragons tournament in incognito browsing, which by the way is NOT throwing off your trail in a CORPORATE NETWORK WITH A DEDICATED NETWORK TEAM. Your My Little Pony lunch box is stupid and everyone wants to punch you in the face.
Thanks,
TD
P.S. Falling asleep in the restroom and snoring did little to impress the business units that aren't sure if you are an employee or contractor after you have been with the company 2 years!
Stop blaming your ####ty code on people who no longer work with the company. Also stop picking your nose every 5 minutes, snorting snot back down your throat, overly dramatic coughing and overall terrible hygiene. Just because you can't hear yourself smacking your lips together and burping as you munch on veggie straws and suck down Dr. Pepper doesn't mean everyone else can't hear it. You would know this if your were not wearing your headphones and listening to Apocolytica while browsing for your next Dungeons and Dragons tournament in incognito browsing, which by the way is NOT throwing off your trail in a CORPORATE NETWORK WITH A DEDICATED NETWORK TEAM. Your My Little Pony lunch box is stupid and everyone wants to punch you in the face.
Thanks,
TD
P.S. Falling asleep in the restroom and snoring did little to impress the business units that aren't sure if you are an employee or contractor after you have been with the company 2 years!
Mr. Ected
Footballguy
sbonomo
Footballguy
msommer
Footballguy
Dear Boss
I am happy that you have hired a new Communications Manager that you have been moaning about missing for ages, because your life has been so hard. There are so many things that you just can't set in motion becuase you are so over worked from covering that part of the organisation yourself.
So why is it that you ask me to tell this person (who reports directly to you and not to me) what to do?
kupcho1
Footballguy
Dear Mr. Ected,He gets that concept from the President.
Please don't turn this glorious thread into a political monkey circus.
Thanks
Everyone
BobbyLayne
Footballguy
Mr. Ected
Footballguy
Sorry, just tried to be funny. I'll hide now...Dear Mr. Ected,He gets that concept from the President.
Please don't turn this glorious thread into a political monkey circus.
Thanks
Everyone
BroncoFreak_2K3
sucker for Orange
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Brunell4MVP
Footballguy
Dear Boss -
There is more to life than work. Taking a day off, even on a busy week, is sometimes necessary. The world will go on if I miss a day. I have to lie to you because you don't get this.
- Employee
ps - I'll be playing TPC San Antonio this Friday.
OrtonToOlsen
Footballguy
Dear coworker,
Remember your school-wide email from the other day asking if any of us had a pack of green construction paper?
Well, I actually have like 3 packs for some reason. I don't even really use construction paper.
The reason I didn't respond and offer you my motherlode of green construction paper is that, even after working here for two years, you still haven't figure out the bells.
We've been back in school for only 10 days and on at least 4 of those days you released your kids like 5 minutes late because "you forgot when the period ended and we weren't finished." Of course that means I have 4-5 kids coming to my class and disrupting crap.
Oh and I almost forgot about the day when we were on the special schedule. You actually let your students out 7 minutes early because you confused 7th grade lunch with 8th grade lunch (hint: you teach 8th graders...don't release them for 7th grade lunch.).
Anywho. No construction paper for you, dummy.
Sincerely,
OtO
Remember your school-wide email from the other day asking if any of us had a pack of green construction paper?
Well, I actually have like 3 packs for some reason. I don't even really use construction paper.
The reason I didn't respond and offer you my motherlode of green construction paper is that, even after working here for two years, you still haven't figure out the bells.
We've been back in school for only 10 days and on at least 4 of those days you released your kids like 5 minutes late because "you forgot when the period ended and we weren't finished." Of course that means I have 4-5 kids coming to my class and disrupting crap.
Oh and I almost forgot about the day when we were on the special schedule. You actually let your students out 7 minutes early because you confused 7th grade lunch with 8th grade lunch (hint: you teach 8th graders...don't release them for 7th grade lunch.).
Anywho. No construction paper for you, dummy.
Sincerely,
OtO
Johnny Rock
Footballguy
Dear CEO,
I posted this passive aggressive note in our bathroom for you. You probably know it was me but you can't ask me. Hasn't happened since and the note is still up. Thanks!
https://imgur.com/a/NNMlG
I posted this passive aggressive note in our bathroom for you. You probably know it was me but you can't ask me. Hasn't happened since and the note is still up. Thanks!
https://imgur.com/a/NNMlG
msommer
Footballguy
Dear new Coworker
You have this fixation in your head that you are my boss. it's sort of cute in a dumb blonde kind of way (if only you were a dumb blonde)
You see, I was hired because you effed up this project and made our boss look bad in front of the customer. I was brought in to salvage the wreckage.
So you may hold on to being the project leader. Once the dust settles you are welcome to hang on to whatever is left.
Yours sincerely
PS I am well aware that it is our mutual boss'es failure to have let you within ten miles of a project that involves humans and not least communicating with humans. When he asks me for an assessment I'll be sure to let him know.
You have this fixation in your head that you are my boss. it's sort of cute in a dumb blonde kind of way (if only you were a dumb blonde)
You see, I was hired because you effed up this project and made our boss look bad in front of the customer. I was brought in to salvage the wreckage.
So you may hold on to being the project leader. Once the dust settles you are welcome to hang on to whatever is left.
Yours sincerely
PS I am well aware that it is our mutual boss'es failure to have let you within ten miles of a project that involves humans and not least communicating with humans. When he asks me for an assessment I'll be sure to let him know.
sbonomo
Footballguy
we are definitely going to need a follow up for this one. ![[icon]](/data/avatars/m/5/5167.jpg?1660313464){kind=avatar}
[icon]
Insoxicated
Left a similar one above the coffee pot in my office break room:
YOU KILL IT.
YOU FILL IT.
Our office has about 9 coffee drinkers in it. We apparently only have 2 people who are physically/mentally capable of making a pot of coffee.
The note has worked for a while, but slackers are slacking again... coming back to an empty pot about 30-40% of the time... or someone will leave 1.2oz in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Throatpunch-worthy.
El Floppo
Footballguy
we have a nespresso (used to have unlimited capsules, now they're for special occasion only.. but that's another story)... nobody would fill the water container except me. replace toilet paper, paper towels, etc... only a couple of us do that.
but at least nobody leaves their boogers on the wall above the toilet like at a previous office.
A few from my new shutter builder job:
Dear former coworker,
I know you said your dad had health issues, but when we normally worked 4 10-hour days, you missing an average of 1 a week wasn't bright. That set us back quite a bit. It was funny how you went to one of the long time guys who didn't like you, asking him to ask for a raise for you. Small surprise you got let go.
Dear newer coworker,
You're a decent worker, all things considered. One issue: you stink. Your BO is rough. I don't know why you don't smell clean, but I bet if you showered/ used deodorant, I could inhale around you.
Dear QC guy from our supply company, who may in fact be a drunken chimp I call Bubbles,
You are awful at checking your stuff! It seems a third of whatever we get is bent, warped, scratched, or has paint issues, including handprints in formerly wet paint. Get your stuff together!
Dear former coworker,
I know you said your dad had health issues, but when we normally worked 4 10-hour days, you missing an average of 1 a week wasn't bright. That set us back quite a bit. It was funny how you went to one of the long time guys who didn't like you, asking him to ask for a raise for you. Small surprise you got let go.
Dear newer coworker,
You're a decent worker, all things considered. One issue: you stink. Your BO is rough. I don't know why you don't smell clean, but I bet if you showered/ used deodorant, I could inhale around you.
Dear QC guy from our supply company, who may in fact be a drunken chimp I call Bubbles,
You are awful at checking your stuff! It seems a third of whatever we get is bent, warped, scratched, or has paint issues, including handprints in formerly wet paint. Get your stuff together!
elguapo07
Footballguy
Dear new co-worker. I don't know why you took the job as its painfully obvious you have no business background whatsoever. I'd wager that you have never even taken a general business course in college. The time I spent with you trying to train you tested my patience like no other person has ever been able to do. I would estimate your math skills to be at around middle school level at best. This is an accounting type of job and we have access to send out our clients cash and securities out of our bank. You are dangerous as you are a loss waiting to happen and I would not trust you to come back with the correct change if you went out for coffee.
Your first priority is to socialize with your friends at work or to ensure you take your lunch hour. You have not bothered to learn our mainframe systems, or any aspect of your job, that you work on each day. Listen, you are a decent person but this is not the job for you. I hope you are actively searching for a new job. I would suggest that your next job does not involve you having access to other peoples assets or where your actions can and will adversely effect the stock price or even the potential bonuses of your co-workers, who bust their ### all year only to see you f #### up so bad you are a ticking time bomb.
You seem to like fitness and are health conscious so perhaps look in that area. When you don't know the difference a debit and a donut, business is not your strong point.
Your first priority is to socialize with your friends at work or to ensure you take your lunch hour. You have not bothered to learn our mainframe systems, or any aspect of your job, that you work on each day. Listen, you are a decent person but this is not the job for you. I hope you are actively searching for a new job. I would suggest that your next job does not involve you having access to other peoples assets or where your actions can and will adversely effect the stock price or even the potential bonuses of your co-workers, who bust their ### all year only to see you f #### up so bad you are a ticking time bomb.
You seem to like fitness and are health conscious so perhaps look in that area. When you don't know the difference a debit and a donut, business is not your strong point.
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