What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.

Marital Advice - Friendly camping trip too friendly? (1 Viewer)

What do I do next?

  • Nothing, let it go.

    Votes: 9 18.0%
  • Go to counseling.

    Votes: 13 26.0%
  • Have my wife call this guy to figure out the events.

    Votes: 25 50.0%
  • [No response text]

    Votes: 15 30.0%

  • Total voters
    50
I'm going to try to keep this short sweet, but since I'm thinking about this and can't sleep, here goes.

Every year, some friends organize a camping trip for a whole group of people. These are former college roomates and their significant others, most of whom we've known for close to ten years. This year's event happened over the weekend.

Some backstory. I started my freshman year in college when I was twenty after taking a few years off. My now wife was friends with some of the guys I ended up living with when I arrived. We'll call one of these guys 'Steve'. I got to know Steve through some of my close friends, and I ended living with him for two years. Now, Steve was a nice enough guy, but he was a bit of a player. The opposite of me in that respect. I had my share of girl's I dated, but I was pretty low key when it came to hitting on women.

Steve started dating his current wife about 6 months after I started dating my wife. We hung out quite a bit during our college years. Now, Steve is a nice guy, but he wasn't exactly faithful while dating this girl. My wife isn't aware of his indiscretions, and it's not my place to fill her in. In any case, I know the guy isn't one to turn down a free offer.

Fast forward a few years. As husbands and wives sometimes do, my wife and I started having a discussion about college, and she told me that she had a huge crush on Steve before I met my wife. I wasn't really surprised by this, as they were kind of flirty. It never really bothered me though.

Fast forward to last weekend's camping trip. Steve was there, along with many other friends and their significant others. This grouip always gets goofy when we get together, and joke about swapping wives and stuff. I never take any of it too seriously, and flirting is all in good fun. Friday night we all had our kids with us, but on Saturday, we all handed them off to grandparents, who all happened to live near the camping area. Our kid exchange didn't go all that smooth, as one of our boys was feeling a little sick Saturday morning. So, my wife and I were both stressed out. When we got back to the campground, my wife had her first drink. This was around 3. We ended up playing beach volleyball for a while, and then things start getting fuzzy for me.

Somewhere between about 9 and 1 a.m., we ended up back at the campsite. I distincly remember three of the guys, inclusing Steve announcing they had to walk to the bathroom. I also remembr my wife saying 'me too' and walking with them toward the bathrooms. Five or so minutes later, two of the guys came back. One of them, we'll call him 'George' told me "Hey, you should go check on your wife, she went into the same stall as Steve". I laughed, because we're always doing goofy things like that to each other. Another 15 minutes or so (having a hard time with time) went by, and George looked and me and said "Dude, seriously. Where are those two? They went into the same stall together." I wondered about it, but again, played it off. A few minutes later, they came walking back to the site together. George asked them what was going on and Steve just laughed. I laughed it off, but now some pieces are starting to come together for me.

Later that night, my wife wasn't feeling well, as she drank way too much. She walked up to the bathroom, and walked up a few minutes later to check on her. She was doing OK, but wanted to walk back to the campsite. As she walked out of the bathroom, she said "Hey, my #### are haning out of my bra." I asked how that happened, and she had no idea. Me being drunk and horny, I reach under her shirt and her bra is still fastned, but her breasts are out. Not easy to do with a big chest, so cleary she or someone else helped take those out.

I laughed that off as well, until I started thinking about this yesterday. Last night, I brought this series of events up to my wife, and she does not remember any of it. She remebers things from the night, but does not remember going into the stall with the guy, nor does she remember anything happening. She kind of freaked out about this, and I certainly wish I'd have listned to George and walked to the bathroom to check on them.

Quite honestly, this all does not sit well with me today, which is why I can't sleep. So, what's my next move?

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I think Steve needs to learn that you NEVER mow another man's lawn (or play with his wife's breasts).

 
Since you have no proof of anything, I would handle it by bringing up the camping trip and talking about how much fun you had and so forth. Then casually say, "You know you and Steve were gone quite a bit and George said you two were in the same stall together and then came back with your bra almost off. is there anything I should know?"

I wouldn't raise the issue of what she said before about having a crush on him or anything, just keep it matter of factly and see what her reaction is.

Don't turn a molehill into a mountain without more to go on.

 
I had something along the same vein happen to me once. All I can say is this. Your other friends know what happened. They could tell you exactly what went down as everyone was walking to the bathroom, what happened at the bathroom, what Steve was acting like, what your wife was acting like, etc. And if they knew they were in the bathroom together, why would they leave them there before returning to the campsite? Most likely they aren't going to want to be completely frank with you because they'll feel like they shouldn't get in the middle or it isn't their business. But if they're real friends, it is their business to tell you.If it was me, these two things would make me suspicious.

A few minutes later, they came walking back to the site together. George asked them what was going on and Steve just laughed.
She remebers things from the night, but does not remember going into the stall with the guy, nor does she remember anything happening. She kind of freaked out about this, and I certainly wish I'd have listned to George and walked to the bathroom to check on them.
I don't care how drunk you are- people don't just forget about things like this. You may forget minor details, but come on. It sounds more like two people who are being deliberately vague with you. Sorry to be the voice of negativity and I hope for your peace of mind that nothing happened. But I'd say you have every right to be suspicious and pissed off.
 
Since you have no proof of anything, I would handle it by bringing up the camping trip and talking about how much fun you had and so forth. Then casually say, "You know you and Steve were gone quite a bit and George said you two were in the same stall together and then came back with your bra almost off. is there anything I should know?"
Last night, I brought this series of events up to my wife, and she does not remember any of it. She remebers things from the night, but does not remember going into the stall with the guy, nor does she remember anything happening.
 
Since you have no proof of anything, I would handle it by bringing up the camping trip and talking about how much fun you had and so forth. Then casually say, "You know you and Steve were gone quite a bit and George said you two were in the same stall together and then came back with your bra almost off. is there anything I should know?"
Last night, I brought this series of events up to my wife, and she does not remember any of it. She remebers things from the night, but does not remember going into the stall with the guy, nor does she remember anything happening.
If she is in deny mode then you just need to determine what your going to do. I think there is about 0% chance she doesn't remember what happened as she pretty much telegraphed it to you earlier in the night. How do you think she would have reacted if you had just come out of the bathroom with Steve's wife with your pants down to your ankles claiming instant amnesia. I'm not sure that you can be really mad at Steve either though. If your wife had the hots for him and followed him into the bathroom he may have just got caught up in the moment and bailed when he realized it wasn't worth getting caught for. I would find out from the friends what really went on and would make life difficult for both Steve and the (ex)wife. You just have to determine the level at which your willing to go to for this.LAUNCH
 
Have a serious "chat" with Steve and let him know that if he so much as looks at your wife :thumbup: Then have a "chat" with your wife explaining how she needs to stay far far away from Steve.

Or you could just disappear with Steve's wife (what does she think of this?) for 15 minutes and call it even. :unsure:

Seriously tough spot to be in... gl

 
I don't think your issue is with Steve...it's with your wife. She's the mother of your children and supposedly one you can trust. I am not buying the "I don't remember" story either. Too many things point to infidelity here. The two of them walking into a stall together, being away together for quite some time, George saying you need to check on them twice....her nockers out of her bra.

You know your wife and you know what her intoxication level was at the time. Was she in a state of "near black out"? Doesn't sound like if she was able to walk to the bathroom.

If I was in your shoes I would be very concerned but my issues would be with my wife....Steve sound like a doosh bag and par for the course.

I am guessing your friends can tell you more. By now...what ever happened in the stall has circulated among your circle of friends. I guarantee Steve told somebody that night...especially if he was drunk.

I feel for you.. Hopefully something good will come from this.

GL....

 
Since you have no proof of anything, I would handle it by bringing up the camping trip and talking about how much fun you had and so forth. Then casually say, "You know you and Steve were gone quite a bit and George said you two were in the same stall together and then came back with your bra almost off. is there anything I should know?"
Last night, I brought this series of events up to my wife, and she does not remember any of it. She remebers things from the night, but does not remember going into the stall with the guy, nor does she remember anything happening.
If she is in deny mode then you just need to determine what your going to do. I think there is about 0% chance she doesn't remember what happened as she pretty much telegraphed it to you earlier in the night. How do you think she would have reacted if you had just come out of the bathroom with Steve's wife with your pants down to your ankles claiming instant amnesia. I'm not sure that you can be really mad at Steve either though. If your wife had the hots for him and followed him into the bathroom he may have just got caught up in the moment and bailed when he realized it wasn't worth getting caught for. I would find out from the friends what really went on and would make life difficult for both Steve and the (ex)wife. You just have to determine the level at which your willing to go to for this.LAUNCH
I disagree, while the wife is clearly much more in the wrong here - Steven absolutely cannot hook up with another friend's wife. That's grounds for a beat down.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Usually when a thread like this comes up there's one side that says men and women shouldn't be friends without the other spouses around, shouldn't spend time alone together, and shouldn't put themselves in situations where cheating is even an option. Then the other side chimes in saying that it's all about trust, there's nothing wrong with just being friends, and they trust their spouse in any situation. This thread makes a strong argument for the first side. If either one of these two had been thoughtful and respectful, MitYH wouldn't be struggling with this issue.

 
Since you have no proof of anything, I would handle it by bringing up the camping trip and talking about how much fun you had and so forth. Then casually say, "You know you and Steve were gone quite a bit and George said you two were in the same stall together and then came back with your bra almost off. is there anything I should know?"
Last night, I brought this series of events up to my wife, and she does not remember any of it. She remebers things from the night, but does not remember going into the stall with the guy, nor does she remember anything happening.
If she is in deny mode then you just need to determine what your going to do. I think there is about 0% chance she doesn't remember what happened as she pretty much telegraphed it to you earlier in the night. How do you think she would have reacted if you had just come out of the bathroom with Steve's wife with your pants down to your ankles claiming instant amnesia. I'm not sure that you can be really mad at Steve either though. If your wife had the hots for him and followed him into the bathroom he may have just got caught up in the moment and bailed when he realized it wasn't worth getting caught for. I would find out from the friends what really went on and would make life difficult for both Steve and the (ex)wife. You just have to determine the level at which your willing to go to for this.LAUNCH
I disagree, while the wife is clearly much more in the wrong here - Steven absolutely cannot hook up with another friend's wife. That's grounds for a beat down.
I didn't write it like I meant to. I probably would have to beat his *** on principal, but if there were a girl you had known and maybe wanted for years that started putting the full court press on you I could see how it "may" take a few to realize it was a mistake. I seriously doubt there was anything but a mutual coherent decision, but ultimately the blame has to come down to the wife. Beating him silly and telling his wife what happened would help in the grieving process, but won't do anything to help the underlying problem at home.LAUNCH
 
He's not asking some huge philosophical question about fidelity or trust here. He asking what he should do next. And my point is, someone knows what went on. Most likely everyone- George, other friends, Steve, your wife- knows what went on. And the longer you go without being one of those people, the longer you have grounds to be upset.

Now once you do find out exactly what happened, that's the time to tackle the trust issue, both with your friends and with your wife. But for right now, you need to find out what happened. I suggest sitting your wife down and putting her in your shoes. "What if I disappeared into a bathroom stall with one of your friends, who I just so happened to have a thing for way back when, and when I got back, my #### is hanging out and I 'can't remember what happened'? Wouldn't you be the least bit concerned?"

 
Anyone watch Lucky Louie last night? Smell Steve's junk. If it smells familiar, you have a problem.

 
I think you have to lean on your friends a bit to find out what was going on.

George KNEW they were doing something you wouldn't appreciate and you ignored him. I think he just didn't want to come out and say it. He wanted you to discover it on your own.

Start with George, and don't let up the inquisition until he tells you. No matter what he says, he knows pretty much what was going on.

 
Last night, I brought this series of events up to my wife, and she does not remember any of it. She remebers things from the night, but does not remember going into the stall with the guy, nor does she remember anything happening.
I seriously hope you are not this naive. That would be kind of pathetic for an adult to believe this garbage.
 
Last night, I brought this series of events up to my wife, and she does not remember any of it. She remebers things from the night, but does not remember going into the stall with the guy, nor does she remember anything happening.
I seriously hope you are not this naive. That would be kind of pathetic for an adult to believe this garbage.
Wow, chill out man.Give the man some time. I'm sure he WANTS to believe her now. When things play out, I'm sure his view could change.
 
If you know what type of a "player" Steve was in college, I'd confront him about the situation and if he doesn't give you the correct answers, beat his ###.

I am going to side with your wife, for right now, as she "may" not remember the situation depending on how drunk she was at the time, or how drunk she got later. It can happen.

Also, I am not saying that your wife doesn't have any blame in this, but as others have stated, don't mess with a friends wife, it's a respect thing. If he can't respect you enough to stay away from your wife, he ain't a friend.

 
Last night, I brought this series of events up to my wife, and she does not remember any of it. She remebers things from the night, but does not remember going into the stall with the guy, nor does she remember anything happening.
I seriously hope you are not this naive. That would be kind of pathetic for an adult to believe this garbage.
Wow, chill out man.Give the man some time. I'm sure he WANTS to believe her now. When things play out, I'm sure his view could change.
Chill out? I'm not even remotely hyped up about this. Just stating facts. It's a pathetic cop out and even more pathetic if he believes her. I'm sure he wants to believe her. But if he wants to believe in unicorns, it doesn't make them real either. He needs to get past this rubbish and start deciding what to do about it. Forgive her this (hopefully) one indescretion and move on? Call her out on it? Other? Those are the issues here, not believing some half-baked fairy tale.
 
Do you think your wife was drunk enough to forget that kind of thing? To blackout, one has to be pretty darn drunk. Although the fact that she mentione her #### hanging out kind of supports the theory; one would think if she remembered, she wouldn't have brought it to your attention.

I think the move here is a direct one:

Confirm from George that they went into the same stall together. It seems like he aleady has confirmed this, but triple-check. Confront Steve, and ask why they were in the same stall. And go from there.

I have been in bathrooms with a few women, and there was never anything going on in there that a significant other would approve of.

 
My initial reaction is to be pretty pissed at the wife. I wouldn't buy the she can't remember anything crap. I'd probably drill her with questions until I found out more of what happened. If nothing came of this, I may call George and drill him, then call Steve.

 
Your next move is to do nothing.

If you want to get drunk, you have to be prepared for the consequences.

 
For all those saying there is no way the wife doesn't remeber well that's just wrong. The OP was so drunk he can't even narrow down the time frame past between 9 and 1. I have been in complete blackout and carried on conversations where the other person had no idea. I was still ordering drinks. So yes she may not remember.

But the other two guys who went to the bathroom remember. And they tried to get the OP to go put the brakes on it. I would try to get the info from them.

 
As she walked out of the bathroom, she said "Hey, my #### are haning out of my bra." I asked how that happened, and she had no idea. Me being drunk and horny, I reach under her shirt and her bra is still fastned, but her breasts are out. Not easy to do with a big chest, so cleary she or someone else helped take those out.
i'm not gonna lie, i got a little excited here. Girl A, take notes.
 
You are not going to go beat some dude up that is a friend. This is how you watch your life go in the outhouse and with a family you must consider this to be a move that you cannot ever make. To me- this is what drinking and flirting and all that nonsense leads up to. It is time to let the college lifestyle go by the wayside friend. Not totally but keep things in perspective. Booze and flirting between spouses is just tawdry and this is the activity that leads to what you are experiencing. If you want to keep this going then you need to call up Steve and meet him and confront him about this situation and handle it with class. You will get your answer right there. As far as the wife- she needs to quit drinking if she cannot remember things. There is just too much at stake with kids and to open up a Pandora’s box over this could mean divorce, lawyers, broken families, broken friendships and a hardened heart. Put your foot down and realize that this little experience is just a speed bump to letting that party college life go away….

 
People don't tend to take condoms with them to the bathrooms on camping trips. Wouldn't take much of an on-site inspection to establish a crime scene.

 
This may sounds harsh but if you have kids, you guys should have never put yourselves in this situation. If it were one my friend's wife that I saw in a stall with another guy, even with another friend, I would have either ended it or flat out told my friend what was going on. You've got to find out from your friends what happened, as other have said they know. BTW, Steve isn't really what I would call a friend. I've known several guys like that and while I may pal around with them a bit, I'd never, ever, ever leave my wife alone with them, especially when alcohol is involved. If these people have such little regard for you then finding out the truth won't really damage anything that wasn't there in the first place.

 
I'm in the 'confront George' camp. When you know more details, we can help you decide what you do with your wife and what kind of pain to inflict on Steve.

 
I can bet you any amount of money that George knows exactly what happened. And he threw signs at you to check on your wife cuz he saw something. Start with him, i can guarantee that he knows. I hope all works out for you.

DaTruth

 
I can bet you any amount of money that George knows exactly what happened. And he threw signs at you to check on your wife cuz he saw something. Start with him, i can guarantee that he knows. I hope all works out for you. DaTruth
You are correct sir. George gave you enough info and you did nothing with it. I tell ya what, a buddy comes back and tells me I better go check on my wife, I go. I know my friends and they wouldnt say something like that unless it needed to be said.
 
I can bet you any amount of money that George knows exactly what happened. And he threw signs at you to check on your wife cuz he saw something. Start with him, i can guarantee that he knows. I hope all works out for you. DaTruth
You are correct sir. George gave you enough info and you did nothing with it. I tell ya what, a buddy comes back and tells me I better go check on my wife, I go. I know my friends and they wouldnt say something like that unless it needed to be said.
:ph34r:
 
First off....your wife stays home next year with the kids when this trip rolls around. Second, call Steve and ask him exactly what happened in said stall and if he's as vague as your wife then tell him that you'll just ask his wife since you're sure he's a fine husband and 'shares everything' with her. Third, go ahead and tell your wife that you have one 'do whatever the heck I want with whoever I want when drunk' card in the bank to use at your convenience.

 
You are not going to go beat some dude up that is a friend. This is how you watch your life go in the outhouse and with a family you must consider this to be a move that you cannot ever make. To me- this is what drinking and flirting and all that nonsense leads up to. It is time to let the college lifestyle go by the wayside friend. Not totally but keep things in perspective. Booze and flirting between spouses is just tawdry and this is the activity that leads to what you are experiencing. If you want to keep this going then you need to call up Steve and meet him and confront him about this situation and handle it with class. You will get your answer right there. As far as the wife- she needs to quit drinking if she cannot remember things. There is just too much at stake with kids and to open up a Pandora’s box over this could mean divorce, lawyers, broken families, broken friendships and a hardened heart. Put your foot down and realize that this little experience is just a speed bump to letting that party college life go away….
:ph34r: Are you going to issue the beatdown, then be prepared for the legal consequences (assault)? You and your wife put yourselves in this situation (drinking, flirting), and she was apparently a willing participant with Steve. Work this out with your wife, get the drinking under control (anytime you're so wasted you're out of control, that's too much). Agree Steve needs to be out of bounds for both of you, friendship-wise.
 
I think you have to lean on your friends a bit to find out what was going on.George KNEW they were doing something you wouldn't appreciate and you ignored him. I think he just didn't want to come out and say it. He wanted you to discover it on your own.Start with George, and don't let up the inquisition until he tells you. No matter what he says, he knows pretty much what was going on.
I think PP hit the nail on the head here. If a buddy of mine comes and tells me I better check on my wife, I go check on my wife.
 
You are not going to go beat some dude up that is a friend. This is how you watch your life go in the outhouse and with a family you must consider this to be a move that you cannot ever make. To me- this is what drinking and flirting and all that nonsense leads up to. It is time to let the college lifestyle go by the wayside friend. Not totally but keep things in perspective. Booze and flirting between spouses is just tawdry and this is the activity that leads to what you are experiencing. If you want to keep this going then you need to call up Steve and meet him and confront him about this situation and handle it with class. You will get your answer right there. As far as the wife- she needs to quit drinking if she cannot remember things. There is just too much at stake with kids and to open up a Pandora’s box over this could mean divorce, lawyers, broken families, broken friendships and a hardened heart. Put your foot down and realize that this little experience is just a speed bump to letting that party college life go away….
This is a very good posting. But if it ends up that Steve banged her, that's gonna be one hairy speed bump.
 
I had something along the same vein happen to me once. All I can say is this. Your other friends know what happened. They could tell you exactly what went down as everyone was walking to the bathroom, what happened at the bathroom, what Steve was acting like, what your wife was acting like, etc. And if they knew they were in the bathroom together, why would they leave them there before returning to the campsite? Most likely they aren't going to want to be completely frank with you because they'll feel like they shouldn't get in the middle or it isn't their business. But if they're real friends, it is their business to tell you.If it was me, these two things would make me suspicious.

A few minutes later, they came walking back to the site together. George asked them what was going on and Steve just laughed.
She remebers things from the night, but does not remember going into the stall with the guy, nor does she remember anything happening. She kind of freaked out about this, and I certainly wish I'd have listned to George and walked to the bathroom to check on them.
I don't care how drunk you are- people don't just forget about things like this. You may forget minor details, but come on. It sounds more like two people who are being deliberately vague with you. Sorry to be the voice of negativity and I hope for your peace of mind that nothing happened. But I'd say you have every right to be suspicious and pissed off.
:hophead: I'd say this kind of thing would pretty much put an end to camping trips with Steve if you cannot get a satisfactory answer to what happened in that bathroom stall. In fact, I don't think I'd be camping with Steve anymore even if you got a satisfactory explanation... if it is true that your wife and Steve were drunk and in the same bathroom stall, that in itself indicates a problem with personal boundaries between those two.
 
For all those saying there is no way the wife doesn't remeber well that's just wrong. The OP was so drunk he can't even narrow down the time frame past between 9 and 1. I have been in complete blackout and carried on conversations where the other person had no idea. I was still ordering drinks. So yes she may not remember.But the other two guys who went to the bathroom remember. And they tried to get the OP to go put the brakes on it. I would try to get the info from them.
:confused: Its pretty likely that she doesn't remember, and you do stupid things when you are drunk. I say forget the whole thing ever happened.
 
For all those saying there is no way the wife doesn't remeber well that's just wrong. The OP was so drunk he can't even narrow down the time frame past between 9 and 1. I have been in complete blackout and carried on conversations where the other person had no idea. I was still ordering drinks. So yes she may not remember.

But the other two guys who went to the bathroom remember. And they tried to get the OP to go put the brakes on it. I would try to get the info from them.
:confused: Its pretty likely that she doesn't remember, and you do stupid things when you are drunk. I say forget the whole thing ever happened.
:cry: hmm maybe kilgore trout = steve?

 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top