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****Official**** depression thread (1 Viewer)

El Floppo said:
gl, MC.

looking for work is nerve-racking stuff, even without the depression/anxiety... with it- woof. I can completely empathize. But only way to know if one job or another will work is to try and get the job... then you have to make it work. (easier said than done with the dep/anxiety shackling you).

best of luck- I know this, and other threads in here like it, have kept me honest and on target with myself.
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Ty

If im doing a job that keeps me busy its easier because I dont have time to think. Ive never considered any kind of office job because I know I would go mad.

Usually my problem with a job is with the boss or coworkers. One or the other. People find me so odd or think im a jerk because im so quiet and angry that they give me unwarranted crap. I believe in treating with respect in any situation and that gets better results than trying to intimidate people. Once I lose respect for people its very hard to be around them let alone work with them.

 
On monday I told the doc I was feeling very unmotivated and scared all the time about moving forward with my life. She put me on 150 milligrams Bupropion XL per day. Said it will help get me started in the morning when I take it

So daily its

150 MG Bupropion (Wellbutrin)

150 MG Lamotrigine (Lamictal)

60 MG Propranolol HCL ER (Inderal LA)

10 MG Zolpidem (Ambien)

I feel wirried taking all this stuff and what effects it could have on my mind and body long term. I dont even know if anything is helping at all except the Ambien which is working wonders for me combined with Melatonin. I was such a bad insomniac.

 
shadyridr said:
SLB, how much is the medication that works for him? #### that ####. These ####### insurance companies are all ####### crooks.
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Mrs. SLB found out today that it goes generic in December. That's the good news. Bad news is he can't sleep at night and gets up early in the morning. He also goes from unhappy to jerkoff pretty much all day, every day. His memory is still all ####ed up too. He asked me 4 times in a span of 40 minutes yesterday where Mrs. SLB was. He had no recollection of asking me each time before. Neat substitute UHC.

I called the doctor's office again today to report his "progress" and the nurse said she thought with the information I gave her, she could get it covered again. We'll see.

ETA

I guess after what BB & ham have gone through, I really don't have reason to complain. :( :kicksrock:

 
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St. Louis Bob said:
shadyridr said:
SLB, how much is the medication that works for him? #### that ####. These ####### insurance companies are all ####### crooks.
Click to expand...
Mrs. SLB found out today that it goes generic in December. That's the good news. Bad news is he can't sleep at night and gets up early in the morning. He also goes from unhappy to jerkoff pretty much all day, every day. His memory is still all ####ed up too. He asked me 4 times in a span of 40 minutes yesterday where Mrs. SLB was. He had no recollection of asking me each time before. Neat substitute UHC.

I called the doctor's office again today to report his "progress" and the nurse said she thought with the information I gave her, she could get it covered again. We'll see.

ETA

I guess after what BB & ham have gone through, I really don't have reason to complain. :( :kicksrock:
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Good news is the doctor agrees he needs to be on his old medicine and the nurse is going to try to convince the insurance company to cover it.

Bad news is he has been unbearable. In addition to what I posted above, now he's like a coke head in that he can't sit still for more than 20 seconds and he talks constantly. I have a terrible headache and I RARELY get headaches. I'm still really angry that he has had to go through this but right now, I just want my son back.

 
St. Louis Bob said:
St. Louis Bob said:
shadyridr said:
SLB, how much is the medication that works for him? #### that ####. These ####### insurance companies are all ####### crooks.
Click to expand...
Mrs. SLB found out today that it goes generic in December. That's the good news. Bad news is he can't sleep at night and gets up early in the morning. He also goes from unhappy to jerkoff pretty much all day, every day. His memory is still all ####ed up too. He asked me 4 times in a span of 40 minutes yesterday where Mrs. SLB was. He had no recollection of asking me each time before. Neat substitute UHC.

I called the doctor's office again today to report his "progress" and the nurse said she thought with the information I gave her, she could get it covered again. We'll see.

ETA

I guess after what BB & ham have gone through, I really don't have reason to complain. :( :kicksrock:
Click to expand...
Good news is the doctor agrees he needs to be on his old medicine and the nurse is going to try to convince the insurance company to cover it.

Bad news is he has been unbearable. In addition to what I posted above, now he's like a coke head in that he can't sit still for more than 20 seconds and he talks constantly. I have a terrible headache and I RARELY get headaches. I'm still really angry that he has had to go through this but right now, I just want my son back.
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The nurse at his doctor's office called today, denied again. Why you ask? Because they don't want to pay for it, that's why.

My house has been hell for the last 8 days. It's almost non-stop yelling and screaming.

So I got some samples from the doctor so he can get on the medicine again and a script. I'll pay out of pocket. It will suck financially but I'm just conceding that there won't be any other solution. I did call UHC again however. They asked that the doctor's office send in a written appeal along with his medical records. We'll see.

I'm ####### wiped out both mentally and physically. Thanks for letting me vent message board.

 
If money is an issue id be willing to chip in and im sure many others here would as well. Someone start up a paypal.

 
just a quick post to say I've been watching this thread for awhile and have all of you in my thoughts. wish all of you the best.

amazing video, slb.

my wife is technically bi-polar, but mostly on the depression side. worry about myself lately and my kid. one of these days soon I will collect my thoughts enough to post more.

 
JFC, my wife just called, our GB's 21 yo son died in his sleep last night. He said he wasn't feeling well then went to bed. He didn't have any other known health problems. ####### perspective man. :cry: :cry:

 
WhatDoIKnow said:
St. Louis Bob said:
JFC, my wife just called, our GB's 21 yo son died in his sleep last night. He said he wasn't feeling well then went to bed. He didn't have any other known health problems. ####### perspective man. :cry: :cry:
Click to expand...
Holy #### bud. Hang in there.
Click to expand...
:goodposting:

 
shadyridr said:
St. Louis Bob said:
Me telling Cal he's getting his medicine back yesterday. I wish Mrs. SLB would have turned down the damned TV.
Click to expand...
I dont know whats more depressing, what the insurance company is doing to your son or the perspective your wife takes cell phone video in
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Yeah, I don't get it either. In her defense, it was a last second idea by me.

In the "when it rains it pours" category. The daughter of Mrs. SLB's cousin was in a car accident yesterday. She was hit by two semi's. She has multiple broken bones including her skull and is currently in the ICU and will be for some time. She's very lucky to be alive. I don't know her too well but I've gotten loaded with her dad many times. Great guy.

:(

I wasn't going to drink this weekend but I'm really tempted to now.

 
KarmaPolice said:
just a quick post to say I've been watching this thread for awhile and have all of you in my thoughts. wish all of you the best.

amazing video, slb.

my wife is technically bi-polar, but mostly on the depression side. worry about myself lately and my kid. one of these days soon I will collect my thoughts enough to post more.
Click to expand...
:( I'm really sorry to hear this. Please share/vent here if you ever feel like it would help you.

 
Fennis said:
St. Louis Bob said:
Me telling Cal he's getting his medicine back yesterday. I wish Mrs. SLB would have turned down the damned TV.
Click to expand...
"In another week, Ill be back to myself again" ####### insurance companies, putting kids through that. Glad you were able to get something done. Congrats, I hope it works as expected.
Click to expand...
I really haven't been able to get anything done yet. Giant bag of dicks these guys are. Believe me, I would like to get my pound of flesh.

 
krista4 said:
KarmaPolice said:
just a quick post to say I've been watching this thread for awhile and have all of you in my thoughts. wish all of you the best.

amazing video, slb.

my wife is technically bi-polar, but mostly on the depression side. worry about myself lately and my kid. one of these days soon I will collect my thoughts enough to post more.
Click to expand...
:( I'm really sorry to hear this. Please share/vent here if you ever feel like it would help you.
Click to expand...
:goodposting:

Sorry for being self absorbed in my own pity party. Things have been awful on all fronts the last couple of weeks and so I'm not quite myself. I apologize for that.

 
St. Louis Bob said:
Me telling Cal he's getting his medicine back yesterday. I wish Mrs. SLB would have turned down the damned TV.
Click to expand...
I always knew you were an awesome person and a great dad. The happiness of Cal had me crying here.

Please check out this site for decent prices on drugs for Cal. We buy my daughters meds there for her stomach disease because they aren't approved yet in the States, and I also use them at the beginning of the year for my meds until my deductible is met.

If you ever need to talk, give me a ring.

Man I hate insurance companies.

 
Mr.Pack said:
St. Louis Bob said:
Me telling Cal he's getting his medicine back yesterday. I wish Mrs. SLB would have turned down the damned TV.
Click to expand...
I always knew you were an awesome person and a great dad. The happiness of Cal had me crying here.

Please check out this site for decent prices on drugs for Cal. We buy my daughters meds there for her stomach disease because they aren't approved yet in the States, and I also use them at the beginning of the year for my meds until my deductible is met.

If you ever need to talk, give me a ring.

Man I hate insurance companies.
Click to expand...
You are way too kind but thanks GB. If UHC doesn't come through, I'll check that out for sure.

 
Mr.Pack said:
St. Louis Bob said:
St. Louis Bob said:
JFC, my wife just called, our GB's 21 yo son died in his sleep last night. He said he wasn't feeling well then went to bed. He didn't have any other known health problems. ####### perspective man. :cry: :cry:
Click to expand...
The wake is tonight. I feel like I'm going to puke right now. :( :( :(
Click to expand...
:manhug:
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Thanks GB.

Seriously sick right now after the wake. It took us an hour and a half to get through the line. I've unfortunately been through this before with my nephew of course and several other times. Losing (Cal just came down to give me a big hug, the meds are working again, praise the life force) a child, what the fuck do you say to that? My GB, the father, he's this really mellow guitar player in a band with a long pony tail, now graying. You would think he's a giant stoner but you would be wrong. Strong dude though, man's man kind of thing. He has this beautiful wife, way out kicked the coverage but chicks like guys that play guitar I guess.

I watched as my GB had to greet all of us people just wanting to wish them well and my heart sunk. At that point, I wished I was still at the back of the line. He didn't show a ton of emotion but lots of hugs. When we got there, I gave him the hand shake hug and we were both crying. So weird. I've know this guy for 18 years and I've never seen another emotion from him other than indifference and laughter. We hugged again, this time both arms. All I could think to say was "you know, I wish I had some magic words that would make everything all better, but I don't. I can tell you that if you need a laugh, I'm pretty good at making a fool out of myself so you know where to find me". He :lmao: which made me us both feel good for a couple of seconds.

The whole time in line though, all I could think about was Biggie and Ham. This is a stupid ####### world we live in.

:( :cry:

Let's go exploring.

 
St. Louis Bob said:
Mr.Pack said:
St. Louis Bob said:
St. Louis Bob said:
JFC, my wife just called, our GB's 21 yo son died in his sleep last night. He said he wasn't feeling well then went to bed. He didn't have any other known health problems. ####### perspective man. :cry: :cry:
Click to expand...
The wake is tonight. I feel like I'm going to puke right now. :( :( :(
Click to expand...
:manhug:
Click to expand...
Thanks GB.

Seriously sick right now after the wake. It took us an hour and a half to get through the line. I've unfortunately been through this before with my nephew of course and several other times. Losing (Cal just came down to give me a big hug, the meds are working again, praise the life force) a child, what the fuck do you say to that? My GB, the father, he's this really mellow guitar player in a band with a long pony tail, now graying. You would think he's a giant stoner but you would be wrong. Strong dude though, man's man kind of thing. He has this beautiful wife, way out kicked the coverage but chicks like guys that play guitar I guess.

I watched as my GB had to greet all of us people just wanting to wish them well and my heart sunk. At that point, I wished I was still at the back of the line. He didn't show a ton of emotion but lots of hugs. When we got there, I gave him the hand shake hug and we were both crying. So weird. I've know this guy for 18 years and I've never seen another emotion from him other than indifference and laughter. We hugged again, this time both arms. All I could think to say was "you know, I wish I had some magic words that would make everything all better, but I don't. I can tell you that if you need a laugh, I'm pretty good at making a fool out of myself so you know where to find me". He :lmao: which made me us both feel good for a couple of seconds.

The whole time in line though, all I could think about was Biggie and Ham. This is a stupid ####### world we live in.

:( :cry:

Let's go exploring.
Click to expand...
I'm hanging my hat on the bolded, which is really great silver lining.

I can't take these stories about losing children. You're a good man, Bob, and good dad. I'll hang my hat on that too.

 
Two years ago tonight was when my nephew went out and never came home. Still nobody charged and nobody looking to charge anyone. At least my other nephew, his older brother, almost killed one of the primary suspects early in the year.

Still sick about this. So different losing somebody in this way. All I can think about is vengeance.

I'm getting really drunk tonight.

 
El Floppo said:
St. Louis Bob said:
Mr.Pack said:
St. Louis Bob said:
St. Louis Bob said:
JFC, my wife just called, our GB's 21 yo son died in his sleep last night. He said he wasn't feeling well then went to bed. He didn't have any other known health problems. ####### perspective man. :cry: :cry:
Click to expand...
The wake is tonight. I feel like I'm going to puke right now. :( :( :(
Click to expand...
:manhug:
Click to expand...
Thanks GB.

Seriously sick right now after the wake. It took us an hour and a half to get through the line. I've unfortunately been through this before with my nephew of course and several other times. Losing (Cal just came down to give me a big hug, the meds are working again, praise the life force) a child, what the fuck do you say to that? My GB, the father, he's this really mellow guitar player in a band with a long pony tail, now graying. You would think he's a giant stoner but you would be wrong. Strong dude though, man's man kind of thing. He has this beautiful wife, way out kicked the coverage but chicks like guys that play guitar I guess.

I watched as my GB had to greet all of us people just wanting to wish them well and my heart sunk. At that point, I wished I was still at the back of the line. He didn't show a ton of emotion but lots of hugs. When we got there, I gave him the hand shake hug and we were both crying. So weird. I've know this guy for 18 years and I've never seen another emotion from him other than indifference and laughter. We hugged again, this time both arms. All I could think to say was "you know, I wish I had some magic words that would make everything all better, but I don't. I can tell you that if you need a laugh, I'm pretty good at making a fool out of myself so you know where to find me". He :lmao: which made me us both feel good for a couple of seconds.

The whole time in line though, all I could think about was Biggie and Ham. This is a stupid ####### world we live in.

:( :cry:

Let's go exploring.
Click to expand...
I'm hanging my hat on the bolded, which is really great silver lining.

I can't take these stories about losing children. You're a good man, Bob, and good dad. I'll hang my hat on that too.
Click to expand...
I meant to quote this. Thank you Floppy, I don't know that these things you say are exactly true but I appreciate the sentiment.

ETA

If my last post and my posts in the GMTAN confuse you, I've gotten pretty good over the years, as a salesguy, at being able to switch emotions. It isn't something I'm proud of but a necessity.

 
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After that last update I found out my hippie little sister's boyfriend murdered some gal last night. He hasn't been caught or charged. He does however have all of her I.D. She's scared. I don't blame her. I couldn't get to her if I wanted to.

Then Cal went insane all of a sudden tonight. He called me a murderer. :mellow: Absolutely insane out of his mind for about an hour. He hated everybody including Mrs. SLB, which doesn't happen. Neat UHC. I finally had the idea to show him Garfield to break the loop and it worked.

Please keep in mind that my nephew hasn't been brought up a single time today in the house.

The word for tonight is: murder

*sigh*

 
jfc, bob.

I hope your hippy sister is ok and staying as far away as possible from the bf.

Garfiled. I think that's worked on my kids too (daughter still calls every dog she meets "Odie"), even if it has the reverse effect on me. Breaks my heart hearing about Ca's tougher moments.

 
Hey SLB, in that video you posted earlier, did you edit out the dark cloud over your head?

Jeez dude, hang in there. We're here for you

 
Thanks for the kind words guys.

I at least got to talk to my sister. She is okay but her situation is unchanged.

Switching Cal's medicine back and forth has him so ####ed up. I only hope that it will eventually correct but it's hard to be optimistic right now. He beat the crap out of his brother over some meaningless comment that he didn't like today. That's not him. He was never violent before. I used to have to tell him to stick up for himself.

We made an appointment to see his shrink a couple of weeks ago for Monday, thankfully. He is going to need it. School is going to be a nightmare if things don't get back to normal. He did get in trouble last year for defending himself but even then he never through a punch. It was more intimidation.

Sorry, all over the place. My brain is fried beyond belief right now.

I need a drink.

 
UHC has decided to drag their feet on the second appeal despite the fact that their own representative said that since his doctor thought it was medically necessary that he be on this medicine, we would hear back from them in 72 hours. That was 11 days ago. Of course they keep asking for more and more information from the doctor every couple of days. We've sent them the entirety of his medical records. Fucking assholes.

School starts tomorrow and we can't bring samples up there for them to administer so I had to get a script filled. The good news is that there's a coupon good for 6 months that brings the cost down from $420 a month to $270 a month. That's for 30 pills. Like I said before, it goes generic in December so hopefully it will fall much farther then.

As me and the boys pulled out of the Walgreen's parking lot, I honestly wasn't angry anymore. I was giving my son what he needs to be happy. $270 a month seems like a pretty good deal in that perspective. Then something crazy happened, the talk radio show we were listening to came back from break using Here Comes the Sun as their bumper. The very song, the only song, that could sooth Cal to sleep when he was three years old and we realized there was a problem. He would put it on repeat on his CD player, yes a three he would do that, every time we put him to bed. Many times myself or Mrs. SLB would have to serenade him at least once. We sang together as long as they let it run and then I stopped at the park on the way home.

 
St. Louis Bob said:
UHC has decided to drag their feet on the second appeal despite the fact that their own representative said that since his doctor thought it was medically necessary that he be on this medicine, we would hear back from them in 72 hours. That was 11 days ago. Of course they keep asking for more and more information from the doctor every couple of days. We've sent them the entirety of his medical records. Fucking assholes.

School starts tomorrow and we can't bring samples up there for them to administer so I had to get a script filled. The good news is that there's a coupon good for 6 months that brings the cost down from $420 a month to $270 a month. That's for 30 pills. Like I said before, it goes generic in December so hopefully it will fall much farther then.

As me and the boys pulled out of the Walgreen's parking lot, I honestly wasn't angry anymore. I was giving my son what he needs to be happy. $270 a month seems like a pretty good deal in that perspective. Then something crazy happened, the talk radio show we were listening to came back from break using Here Comes the Sun as their bumper. The very song, the only song, that could sooth Cal to sleep when he was three years old and we realized there was a problem. He would put it on repeat on his CD player, yes a three he would do that, every time we put him to bed. Many times myself or Mrs. SLB would have to serenade him at least once. We sang together as long as they let it run and then I stopped at the park on the way home.
Click to expand...
You're a good Dad, Bob. Good luck with Cal's meds.

 
Found out my cousin died last night. I thought I posted about her when my Aunt (her Mom) passed away last winter. My Uncle (her Dad) died about four years ago I guess.

She was retarded and her parents were her whole life. Such a sweet, sweet, girl. As of right now they aren't sure what she died of but I know it's because of a broken heart. :( RIP Chrissy. :cry:

 
dammit, bob.

so sorry to hear about this. I always wonder what happens to older downs kids when their care-giver/parents can't take care of them or pass away. very sad.

might be time to burn some voodoo candles or something over there at chez slb, to pull in some happier, gooder luck and circumstances (and health- get better)

 
St. Louis Bob said:
Found out my cousin died last night. I thought I posted about her when my Aunt (her Mom) passed away last winter. My Uncle (her Dad) died about four years ago I guess.

She was retarded and her parents were her whole life. Such a sweet, sweet, girl. As of right now they aren't sure what she died of but I know it's because of a broken heart. :( RIP Chrissy. :cry:
Click to expand...
Damn, so sorry GB. T&Ps to you and the family.

RIP Chrissy.

 
St. Louis Bob said:
Found out my cousin died last night. I thought I posted about her when my Aunt (her Mom) passed away last winter. My Uncle (her Dad) died about four years ago I guess.

She was retarded and her parents were her whole life. Such a sweet, sweet, girl. As of right now they aren't sure what she died of but I know it's because of a broken heart. :( RIP Chrissy. :cry:
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear Bob

 
What do you guys do when you are not feeling anything or not excited about anything?

Just feeling totally blah and nothing is exciting me. FF is struggle to draft right now, used to love playing Strat but that is a drag right now and my big thing this year, Going to a movie once a week with my daughter is seeming a chore. Actually the thing that I like doing these days is eating which is driving up my weight and screwing up my Blood Sugar (I am a diabetic).

I am going to call my counselor and set up an appointment and am going to hang with a friend tonight.

Currently on Lithium which doesn't seem to be doing the job it was 2-3 months ago

 
badmojo1006 said:
What do you guys do when you are not feeling anything or not excited about anything?

Just feeling totally blah and nothing is exciting me. FF is struggle to draft right now, used to love playing Strat but that is a drag right now and my big thing this year, Going to a movie once a week with my daughter is seeming a chore. Actually the thing that I like doing these days is eating which is driving up my weight and screwing up my Blood Sugar (I am a diabetic).

I am going to call my counselor and set up an appointment and am going to hang with a friend tonight.

Currently on Lithium which doesn't seem to be doing the job it was 2-3 months ago
Click to expand...
recognizing that things aren't "right" is a great first step... at least for me. When deep in it, I usually don't recognize that I'm deep until I'm really deep. Being able to recognize it and then nipping it in the bud seems like a very healthy way of going about things.

taking that second step of trying to do something about it- calling teh counselor- is a great second step, IMO.

Step 3= ..... hookers and blow? :shrug: or maybe a rejiggering of your med dose?

 
Sister just went to Ann Arbor for cancer treatments.

Mom has 5 lesions on her brain that might be cancer....waiting for some answers.

Or mom might have other cancers that caused and infection in her brain. Not clear yet.

 
badmojo1006 said:
What do you guys do when you are not feeling anything or not excited about anything?

Just feeling totally blah and nothing is exciting me. FF is struggle to draft right now, used to love playing Strat but that is a drag right now and my big thing this year, Going to a movie once a week with my daughter is seeming a chore. Actually the thing that I like doing these days is eating which is driving up my weight and screwing up my Blood Sugar (I am a diabetic).

I am going to call my counselor and set up an appointment and am going to hang with a friend tonight.

Currently on Lithium which doesn't seem to be doing the job it was 2-3 months ago
Click to expand...
Ennui.

Definitely worth discussing with your psychiatrist and your counselor. Pulling yourself out of this kind of thing might take a medication adjustment, or it might just be pushing through this lull. Good luck with it - hope it happens reasonably quickly for you.

 
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