flysack
Footballguy
Show some compassion, man. Running 2400 baud ain't what it used to be.Dialup?
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This is funny. (5 Viewers)
- Thread starter Nigel Tufnel
- Start date
flysack
Footballguy
Running 2400 baud ain't what it used to be.Dialup?
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
greenf7cat
Footballguy
Andy Dufresne
Footballguy
Reasons Not To Mess With Children
1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a
whale to swallow a human because even though it
was a very large mammal its throat was very
small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a
whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not
swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children
while they were drawing. She would occasionally
walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently,
she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what
God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing,
the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father
and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a
commandment that teaches us how to treat our
brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a
family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her
mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She
suddenly noticed that her mother had several
strands of white hair sticking out in contrast
on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,
'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do
something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one
of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a
while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of
grandma's hairs are white?'
5. The children had all been photographed, and the
teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy
a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you
are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer,
she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And
there's the teacher, she's dead.'
6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the
blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she
said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
blood, as you know, would run into it, and I
would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,'the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the
ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a
Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the
head of the table was a large pile of apples The
nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end
of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the
apples.'
1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a
whale to swallow a human because even though it
was a very large mammal its throat was very
small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a
whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not
swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children
while they were drawing. She would occasionally
walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently,
she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what
God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing,
the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father
and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a
commandment that teaches us how to treat our
brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a
family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her
mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She
suddenly noticed that her mother had several
strands of white hair sticking out in contrast
on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,
'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do
something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one
of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a
while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of
grandma's hairs are white?'
5. The children had all been photographed, and the
teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy
a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you
are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer,
she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And
there's the teacher, she's dead.'
6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the
blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she
said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
blood, as you know, would run into it, and I
would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,'the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the
ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a
Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the
head of the table was a large pile of apples The
nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end
of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the
apples.'
Kendall
I heart waffles
If you don't is it cool if I steal this shtick?
Kendall
I heart waffles
The board is not working with me on this. I even turned on avatars for the first time in a couple of years.If you don't is it cool if I steal this shtick?
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
Kendall, click this arrow.Tacos al Carboner said:
Kendall
I heart waffles
I don't know why I would have expected anything else.Time to turn avatars back off and retreat with my soul crushed.Kendall, click this arrow.Tacos al Carboner said:
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
Screen shot that last guy. He was my favorite, I think.I don't know why I would have expected anything else.Time to turn avatars back off and retreat with my soul crushed.Kendall, click this arrow.Tacos al Carboner said:
Kendall
I heart waffles
I don't know if I can rebound that fast Nigel. Mustasche Blondie was The One.Screen shot that last guy. He was my favorite, I think.I don't know why I would have expected anything else.Time to turn avatars back off and retreat with my soul crushed.Kendall, click this arrow.Tacos al Carboner said:
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
TAC never posts, anyway. I'll get him to change it.I don't know if I can rebound that fast Nigel. Mustasche Blondie was The One.Screen shot that last guy. He was my favorite, I think.I don't know why I would have expected anything else.Time to turn avatars back off and retreat with my soul crushed.Kendall, click this arrow.Tacos al Carboner said:
Kendall
I heart waffles
Well balls on this. This is why we need the test forum to be ressurected.I don't know if I can rebound that fast Nigel. Mustasche Blondie was The One.Screen shot that last guy. He was my favorite, I think.I don't know why I would have expected anything else.Time to turn avatars back off and retreat with my soul crushed.Kendall, click this arrow.Tacos al Carboner said:
MasterofOrion
Footballguy
Kendall
I heart waffles
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
Kendall's obsessed.
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
Binky The Doormat
Footballguy
Clearly you have tracked down "Viv" the Tap keyboardist 25 yrs later. Looking good.
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
Good ol' Savage.
wadegarrett
FFA Legend™
has to be in this thread already. Dork comes crashing into other dorks and gets stuck in the #### by opposing dork.
jdoggydogg
Footballguy
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
jdoggydogg
Footballguy
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
TheAristocrat
Footballguy
The ending...
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
I know! I forgot to tell people to watch the whole thing! Thanks.
pantagrapher
Footballguy
pantagrapher
Footballguy
Nigel Tufnel
Footballguy
I think.
Kendall
I heart waffles
jdoggydogg
Footballguy
Awesome.
pantagrapher
Footballguy
Reg Lllama of Brixton
Footballguy
piratemike
HARRRRRLite™
This guy rules. I totally want to be friends with this guy.
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