ENTOURAGE

[Daywalker 3,034]

First off, we have to begin with Mrs. Ari's ass. Magnificent, as always!

So let me get this straight:

Vince, who for years has had the unenviable task of banging hot supermodel after hot supermodel, suddenly decides to settle down with someone who fundamentally doesn't respect him. Meanwhile, Sophia thinks Vince is a womanizer and she doesn't care for his low moral standing. Naturally, they get married a week later.

Sloan can't stand Eric. She wants him to leave her alone forever. Naturally, they happily take off for God-knows-where a week later.

Bobby Flay is banging a HPoA, no strings attached. So, he dumps her because he senses that she "can't commit."

ON WHAT PLANET does that happen? :lmao:

Ari, who loves his job more than life itself, suddenly quits.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Ari, who despised Ari last week, forgives and forgets and picks up and moves to Paris at the drop of a hat. Naturally.

Did I miss anything? Outstanding writing!

Doug Ellin now has FU money and that's what he's done the past 2-3 seasons.

Think the last scene with Ari is setup for another HBO series. Which, should have been done year's ago. Entourage followed by a show Ari leads. Think Ari will have a show and they will take the temperature of whether to green-light a movie. If they do a movie the show could be used to better set one up with cameos from Entourage cast.

Edited September 12, 2011 by Daywalker

[Major 1,516]

Vince really marries that blonde journalist??? dumbest plot line in the history of TV.

The only thing that was somewhat digestible was seeing Ari's wife after the credits.

I don't know why I started watching this show again.

Edited September 12, 2011 by Major

[Draftnik 1]

Talk about phoning it in... Disappointing.

[Walton Goggins 3]

glad I bailed on this show YEARS ago

[Maik Jeaunz 1,441]

I didn't think the finale was awful.

I thought it was god-awful.

nothing in the finale even made any sense. Alice Eve pretty much despised Vince, so she decided to marry him after 1 24-hour date? and reading between the lines, she slept with him on this date, even though she thinks he's a womanizing scumbag? and no mention of Drama/Dice show, Drama's movie, Turtle's restaurant, etc?

people have stuck with this show for so long, despite terrible acting and lazy writing. and this is how they end it? I might be insulted if I actually gave a #### any more. if they ever do make a movie, I hope Terrence tracks down E and shoots his face off.

[Good Posting Judge 13,667]

The AV Club does not care for these shenanigans.

[Reginald Cornsilks 208]

E has become unbearable as a character. For 3 seasons now all he's done is burn bridges with his business partners, Sloan, even Vince at some point and just act like a #####.

Nothing more to him other than act like a #### w short mans complex. My least favor part of the show has been E

[Tiger Fan 3,867]

Do you think anyone has regretted the tattoos they have gotten more than the guy who plays E? Worst tattoos ever

[Rohn Jambo 812]

Please get real. The chance of you seeing Entourage the Movie is negative 100%.

[Good Posting Judge 13,667]

Please get real. The chance of you seeing Entourage the Movie is negative 100%.

Entourage team: "We're going to do a movie."

[Raider Nation 5,597]

First off, we have to begin with Mrs. Ari's ass. Magnificent, as always!

So let me get this straight:

Vince, who for years has had the unenviable task of banging hot supermodel after hot supermodel, suddenly decides to settle down with someone who fundamentally doesn't respect him. Meanwhile, Sophia thinks Vince is a womanizer and she doesn't care for his low moral standing. Naturally, they get married a week later.

Sloan can't stand Eric. She wants him to leave her alone forever. Naturally, they happily take off for God-knows-where a week later.

Bobby Flay is banging a HPoA, no strings attached. So, he dumps her because he senses that she "can't commit."

ON WHAT PLANET does that happen? :lmao:

Ari, who loves his job more than life itself, suddenly quits.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Ari, who despised Ari last week, forgives and forgets and picks up and moves to Paris at the drop of a hat. Naturally.

Did I miss anything? Outstanding writing!

Doug Ellin now has FU money and that's what he's done the past 2-3 seasons.

Yep. My buddy Alan Sepinwall confirms that I didn't miss anything:

Wow. I am genuinely impressed.

Not by anything to do with any of the actual storylines in the finale, which were the usual trite, predictable, lazy kind of "Entourage" resolutions. No, I'm impressed they were able to get Led Zeppelin, notoriously stingy for letting any movie or TV production not affiliated with Cameron Crowe to license any of their songs, to give them the rights to "Going to California" for the final montage. Either Jimmy Page is a huge Turtle fan, or HBO decided to spend a small fortune to make this finale seem far more impressive than it could ever hope to be on its own, given the people involved in making it.

As for "The End" itself, if anybody expected the show to suddenly discover hidden depths - and for Doug Ellin to start putting any kind of effort into the storylines - then they just weren't paying attention for all these years. I thought last week's, "Oh, by the way, Turtle, I bought all your tequila shares as a secret gift for you, so you're now a millionaire!" resolution would be hard to top, and then we got that early scene of Vince announcing to Turtle and Drama that he and the reporter - whom, last we saw, was still fairly skeptical about dating Vince and didn't consider him in any way her type - had a 24-hour date (which we didn't see, of course, because that would require both effort and an attempt at writing one of those "realistic female characters" the guys were bragging about back at press tour) that somehow so turned her around that she and Vince are getting married, immediately, in Paris.

And Turtle and Drama briefly assume their friend has either lost his mind or gone back on drugs, but within 30 seconds they're on board. Yup, that's our "Entourage," boys and girls.

In a way, I'm almost glad we didn't get to see any of this life-changing date, because based on how the reconciliations between Ari and Mrs. Ari (now known as Melissa) and between E and Sloan were depicted, the date would have involved Vince doing nothing interesting at all and the reporter randomly changing her mind and throwing committing the rest of her life to him.

Well, no. I should be fair. In the Ari storyline, there was at least a tiny bit of effort made, in that Ari decides to quit the agency - which, of course, he can do because Mrs. Ari has enough money for five lifetimes and therefore it's another decision with no real consequences - to show her just how much he cares about her and the kids. But Ari's conversion-by-opera didn't seem particularly believable, and the show didn't even bother to make us buy it for more than a couple of minutes, given that the finale actually ends on Alan Dale's character returning to tempt Ari back into the lifestyle - and presumably set up this movie that Ellin, Mark Wahlberg and company are so pumped to make.

Forget about whether anyone actually wants to see an "Entourage" movie at this point. (All the reaction I've seen to this season has been vehemently negative, but the internet isn't always a representative sample, and I can easily see people who loved the show in season 2 still digging the bros all these years later.) What on earth would an "Entourage" movie be about at this point? All the guys are now wildly successful (other than maybe Drama, and even he has that animated show and his TV-movie coming up). Vince is getting married and settling down. E and Sloan are back together and going to have a kid. Turtle is a freaking millionaire. (And has he given up on the restaurant idea altogether now that he's rolling in the dough, courtesy of Vince bailing him out of his own stupidity?) Even if Ari comes back to Hollywood, upsetting Mrs. Ari in the process, where's the story there? For all that we rail on the show for continually setting up huge potential problems for the guys that get resolved in the least interesting manner possible, at least there was a structure in place that allowed for those false crises to be set up. The boys are all at the top of the mountain now; what could they possibly have to be worried about in a movie?

[Daywalker 3,034]

Think a movie is possible along with Ari having a show on HBO. Which is very possible. Make him the lead which is what he's been since the beginning. Ari actually has some struggles which is unlike every other character on the show. Show could be bigger then Entourage. Imagine Arliss but not Arliss.

Ari's story arc should be the movie with the entourage cast as the co-stars. That could have some potential if some real writer's get involved.

Edited September 13, 2011 by Daywalker

[drummer 829]

I didn't know this was the last season, and didn't know that this past episode was the Finale of the series. The best thing about it was Miss Ari after the credits.

This wasn't just the worst episode I've seen of Entourage. It's one of the worst episodes I've seen on TV. I cringed through almost all of it. It's good that they didn't make it an hour episode, probably because that would take more effort. It would have fared better if they ended it last season with Vince dying of an overdose or committing suicide.

Ari and Drama carried the show after it hit it's true arc a few seasons back. Once they started fleshing out story lines to Turtle and E (the guy who played Turtle on the College Humor satire is way more talented and funny than Ferrara) without Vince involved, it jumped the Shark. I just love how Ari and E bail out of a running an agency without a lawyer in sight anywhere. Ellin and Wahlberg didn't mail this one in. They flushed it down the toilet.

Hopefully Dillon keeps his career going. Piven shined in this series. The rest are very lucky to have been a part of it.

BTW, Sasha Grey should go back to porn, and never speak anywhere again. She isn't even that hot as far as other porn chicks.

[QB Bills 0]

This has to be up there with the worst final seasons of a long-running scripted show in television history.

Six of the season's eight episodes were squandered on storylines that didn't matter or made no sense. The season made absolutely no plot progress until episode seven. At that point, it was a race to wrap up ridiculous story arcs with even more ridiculous conclusions.

I cannot get over Vince marrying a girl that absolutely hated him and everything he represented. They spend one day/night together, and they agree to get married? WTF?! Let's not even mention the fact that she was on the show for literally four minutes. Or the fact that she is probably not even in the top five in the Vince girlfriend power rankings.

Sloan dispises Eric, as does her father. But she is willing to drop everything on a whim to go to Vince's wedding in France? To a girl he has known for three days? And to top it all off, she takes Eric back because of some casual convincing from his best friends?

Furthermore, how much time and effort was used to build up the Drama cartoon/TV movie angle? All for nothing. Literally nothing. Same could be said for Turtle. Weeks of buildup, only to be concluded with Vince saving the day in a matter of seconds.

Whomever at HBO gave the green-light to these scripts should be fired immediately. Don't blame the actors or Doug Ellin. They simply cashed in and did the bare minimum amount of work.

[chet 4,499]

Will we ever see turtle or E in anything else of substance? Vince? Sloan (yes please)?

[Good Posting Judge 13,667]

Will we ever see turtle or E in anything else of substance? Vince? Sloan (yes please)?

Sloan I could see, just because hot is hot. The others....yeesh, I dunno.

[belljr 10,721]

Will we ever see turtle or E in anything else of substance? Vince? Sloan (yes please)?

Sloan already has substance!!I consider the leading female role in Don't Mess with the Zohan as SUBSTANCE!!!

[jplvr 909]

Sloan already had a big career. She was the little slut in 100 Girls and also in that movie with the Fat one and the astronaut from the Back Street Boys.

[drummer 829]

Sloan needs to pose for Playboy ASAP.

[Ilov80s 29,108]

The ending was entirely predictable and yet completely unbelievable (in a bad way)...tough for a show to pull that off. The show has been bad for awhile, but the last season took it to a new level of suck.

[Barry 76]

Mrs Ari OMG. won't be able to delete that episode from the pvr. cant't do it.

[the hairy scotsman 13]

First off, we have to begin with Mrs. Ari's ass. Magnificent, as always!

So let me get this straight:

Vince, who for years has had the unenviable task of banging hot supermodel after hot supermodel, suddenly decides to settle down with someone who fundamentally doesn't respect him. Meanwhile, Sophia thinks Vince is a womanizer and she doesn't care for his low moral standing. Naturally, they get married a week later.

Sloan can't stand Eric. She wants him to leave her alone forever. Naturally, they happily take off for God-knows-where a week later.

Bobby Flay is banging a HPoA, no strings attached. So, he dumps her because he senses that she "can't commit."

ON WHAT PLANET does that happen? :lmao:

Ari, who loves his job more than life itself, suddenly quits.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Ari, who despised Ari last week, forgives and forgets and picks up and moves to Paris at the drop of a hat. Naturally.

Did I miss anything? Outstanding writing!

Doug Ellin now has FU money and that's what he's done the past 2-3 seasons.

Think the last scene with Ari is setup for another HBO series. Which, should have been done year's ago. Entourage followed by a show Ari leads. Think Ari will have a show and they will take the temperature of whether to green-light a movie. If they do a movie the show could be used to better set one up with cameos from Entourage cast.

Yep...that was a pretty ####ty ending, but not surprising considering how crappy the last coupla seasons were. Agree about the show needing to be spun off for Ari. As executed, it was really all about him most of the time anyway & he was the most interesting character by far, with Drama coming in 2nd. Any tangents involving E or Turtle were pure crap.

ETA: The thought that HBO actually finished this POS while letting Deadwood die mid-stream just boggles the mind.

Edited September 16, 2011 by the hairy scotsman

[Ilov80s 29,108]

First off, we have to begin with Mrs. Ari's ass. Magnificent, as always!

So let me get this straight:

Vince, who for years has had the unenviable task of banging hot supermodel after hot supermodel, suddenly decides to settle down with someone who fundamentally doesn't respect him. Meanwhile, Sophia thinks Vince is a womanizer and she doesn't care for his low moral standing. Naturally, they get married a week later.

Sloan can't stand Eric. She wants him to leave her alone forever. Naturally, they happily take off for God-knows-where a week later.

Bobby Flay is banging a HPoA, no strings attached. So, he dumps her because he senses that she "can't commit."

ON WHAT PLANET does that happen? :lmao:

Ari, who loves his job more than life itself, suddenly quits.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Ari, who despised Ari last week, forgives and forgets and picks up and moves to Paris at the drop of a hat. Naturally.

Did I miss anything? Outstanding writing!

Doug Ellin now has FU money and that's what he's done the past 2-3 seasons.

Think the last scene with Ari is setup for another HBO series. Which, should have been done year's ago. Entourage followed by a show Ari leads. Think Ari will have a show and they will take the temperature of whether to green-light a movie. If they do a movie the show could be used to better set one up with cameos from Entourage cast.

Yep...that was a pretty ####ty ending, but not surprising considering how crappy the last coupla seasons were. Agree about the show needing to be spun off for Ari. As executed, it was really all about him most of the time anyway & he was the most interesting character by far, with Drama coming in 2nd. Any tangents involving E or Turtle were pure crap.

ETA: The thought that HBO actually finished this POS while letting Deadwood die mid-stream just boggles the mind.

I think the end of Deadwood had more to do with David Milch wanting to do John from Cinci.

[the hairy scotsman 13]

First off, we have to begin with Mrs. Ari's ass. Magnificent, as always!

So let me get this straight:

Vince, who for years has had the unenviable task of banging hot supermodel after hot supermodel, suddenly decides to settle down with someone who fundamentally doesn't respect him. Meanwhile, Sophia thinks Vince is a womanizer and she doesn't care for his low moral standing. Naturally, they get married a week later.

Sloan can't stand Eric. She wants him to leave her alone forever. Naturally, they happily take off for God-knows-where a week later.

Bobby Flay is banging a HPoA, no strings attached. So, he dumps her because he senses that she "can't commit."

ON WHAT PLANET does that happen? :lmao:

Ari, who loves his job more than life itself, suddenly quits.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Ari, who despised Ari last week, forgives and forgets and picks up and moves to Paris at the drop of a hat. Naturally.

Did I miss anything? Outstanding writing!

Doug Ellin now has FU money and that's what he's done the past 2-3 seasons.

Think the last scene with Ari is setup for another HBO series. Which, should have been done year's ago. Entourage followed by a show Ari leads. Think Ari will have a show and they will take the temperature of whether to green-light a movie. If they do a movie the show could be used to better set one up with cameos from Entourage cast.

Yep...that was a pretty ####ty ending, but not surprising considering how crappy the last coupla seasons were. Agree about the show needing to be spun off for Ari. As executed, it was really all about him most of the time anyway & he was the most interesting character by far, with Drama coming in 2nd. Any tangents involving E or Turtle were pure crap.

ETA: The thought that HBO actually finished this POS while letting Deadwood die mid-stream just boggles the mind.

I think the end of Deadwood had more to do with David Milch wanting to do John from Cinci.

Well, yeah. That worked out.

HBO actually let that guy kill Deadwood and then come back and make the abortion that was JFC. There's no way not to hold HBO at least partially responsible there. If I'm HBO I tell DM if he walks away from Deadwood, he walks away from HBO.

Edited September 16, 2011 by the hairy scotsman

[Daywalker 3,034]

Simmons does 15 minutes on Entourage with some TV critic on a recent BS Report. Good television talk including new shows coming this fall.

[Saints-Man 8]

This has to be up there with the worst final seasons of a long-running scripted show in television history.Six of the season's eight episodes were squandered on storylines that didn't matter or made no sense. The season made absolutely no plot progress until episode seven. At that point, it was a race to wrap up ridiculous story arcs with even more ridiculous conclusions.I cannot get over Vince marrying a girl that absolutely hated him and everything he represented. They spend one day/night together, and they agree to get married? WTF?! Let's not even mention the fact that she was on the show for literally four minutes. Or the fact that she is probably not even in the top five in the Vince girlfriend power rankings.Sloan dispises Eric, as does her father. But she is willing to drop everything on a whim to go to Vince's wedding in France? To a girl he has known for three days? And to top it all off, she takes Eric back because of some casual convincing from his best friends?Furthermore, how much time and effort was used to build up the Drama cartoon/TV movie angle? All for nothing. Literally nothing. Same could be said for Turtle. Weeks of buildup, only to be concluded with Vince saving the day in a matter of seconds.Whomever at HBO gave the green-light to these scripts should be fired immediately. Don't blame the actors or Doug Ellin. They simply cashed in and did the bare minimum amount of work.

I absolutely agree. This last season was a glorified soap opera that very poorly conceived and executed.

[Daywalker 3,034]

This has to be up there with the worst final seasons of a long-running scripted show in television history.

Six of the season's eight episodes were squandered on storylines that didn't matter or made no sense. The season made absolutely no plot progress until episode seven. At that point, it was a race to wrap up ridiculous story arcs with even more ridiculous conclusions.

I cannot get over Vince marrying a girl that absolutely hated him and everything he represented. They spend one day/night together, and they agree to get married? WTF?! Let's not even mention the fact that she was on the show for literally four minutes. Or the fact that she is probably not even in the top five in the Vince girlfriend power rankings.

Sloan dispises Eric, as does her father. But she is willing to drop everything on a whim to go to Vince's wedding in France? To a girl he has known for three days? And to top it all off, she takes Eric back because of some casual convincing from his best friends?

Furthermore, how much time and effort was used to build up the Drama cartoon/TV movie angle? All for nothing. Literally nothing. Same could be said for Turtle. Weeks of buildup, only to be concluded with Vince saving the day in a matter of seconds.

Whomever at HBO gave the green-light to these scripts should be fired immediately. Don't blame the actors or Doug Ellin. They simply cashed in and did the bare minimum amount of work.

[belljr 10,721]

Simmons does 15 minutes on Entourage with some TV critic on a recent BS Report. Good television talk including new shows coming this fall.

Did you just call Alan Sepinwall some guy?

[kneeshooter 166]

Mrs Ari OMG. won't be able to delete that episode from the pvr. cant't do it.

Surpised by the Mrs. Ari love. I thought she was grossly emaciated this season. I guess some guys get turned on by seeing rib bones.

[Sinn Fein 33,971]

Mrs Ari OMG. won't be able to delete that episode from the pvr. cant't do it.

Surpised by the Mrs. Ari love. I thought she was grossly emaciated this season. I guess some guys get turned on by seeing rib bones.

I think it was her ### that got peoples bones up

[AcerFC 4,781]

Sloan already had a big career. She was the little slut in 100 Girls and also in that movie with the Fat one and the astronaut from the Back Street Boys.

I'm pretty sure that Sloan is the voice of Cheetarah in the new ThundercatsHooooooo

[kneeshooter 166]

Mrs Ari OMG. won't be able to delete that episode from the pvr. cant't do it.

Surpised by the Mrs. Ari love. I thought she was grossly emaciated this season.

I guess some guys get turned on by seeing rib bones.

I think it was her ### that got peoples bones up

This?

Compared to last year

[James Daulton 9,256]

Mrs Ari OMG. won't be able to delete that episode from the pvr. cant't do it.

Surpised by the Mrs. Ari love. I thought she was grossly emaciated this season. I guess some guys get turned on by seeing rib bones.

Her face bothers me.

[Wild Young Billy 57]

At least we learned Mrs. Ari's name.

[lumpy19 8,260]

This has to be up there with the worst final seasons of a long-running scripted show in television history.

Six of the season's eight episodes were squandered on storylines that didn't matter or made no sense. The season made absolutely no plot progress until episode seven. At that point, it was a race to wrap up ridiculous story arcs with even more ridiculous conclusions.

I cannot get over Vince marrying a girl that absolutely hated him and everything he represented. They spend one day/night together, and they agree to get married? WTF?! Let's not even mention the fact that she was on the show for literally four minutes. Or the fact that she is probably not even in the top five in the Vince girlfriend power rankings.

Sloan dispises Eric, as does her father. But she is willing to drop everything on a whim to go to Vince's wedding in France? To a girl he has known for three days? And to top it all off, she takes Eric back because of some casual convincing from his best friends?

Furthermore, how much time and effort was used to build up the Drama cartoon/TV movie angle? All for nothing. Literally nothing. Same could be said for Turtle. Weeks of buildup, only to be concluded with Vince saving the day in a matter of seconds.

Whomever at HBO gave the green-light to these scripts should be fired immediately. Don't blame the actors or Doug Ellin. They simply cashed in and did the bare minimum amount of work.

I disagree, apparently you haven't seen the T-O-P-L-E-S-S picks of her on the world wide web

[Daywalker 3,034]

Simmons does 15 minutes on Entourage with some TV critic on a recent BS Report. Good television talk including new shows coming this fall.

Did you just call Alan Sepinwall some guy?

Over/Under for him being known in FFA would probably be about 5%.

[Jojo the circus boy 43]

What season was this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucIOMr2LnXE

[The Noid 1,217]

What season was this?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucIOMr2LnXE

The one where Vince's career went in the dumps before Ari pulled him out of the nose dive, E and Sloan were on-again, off-again, Drama was trying to re-ignite his acting career and Turtle was trying to prove he could make it on his own. Edited October 20, 2011 by The Noid

[shadyridr 14,320]

What season was this?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucIOMr2LnXE

The one where Vince's career went in the dumps before Ari pulled him out of the nose dive, E and Sloan were on-again, off-again, Drama was trying to re-ignite his acting career and Turtle was trying to prove he could make it on his own.

[Jojo the circus boy 43]

What season was this?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucIOMr2LnXE

The one where Vince's career went in the dumps before Ari pulled him out of the nose dive, E and Sloan were on-again, off-again, Drama was trying to re-ignite his acting career and Turtle was trying to prove he could make it on his own.

I thought so

[jdoggydogg 2,025]

Re-watching this series on Spike. I think I like Turtle even less the second time.

[packersfan 12,494]

Re-watching this series on Spike. I think I like Turtle even less the second time.

By far my least favorite character on the show. I can't think of a single storyline he had that I was interested in. Matching him up with hot babes didn't help either.

[jdoggydogg 2,025]

Re-watching this series on Spike. I think I like Turtle even less the second time.

By far my least favorite character on the show. I can't think of a single storyline he had that I was interested in. Matching him up with hot babes didn't help either.

Yeah, and he was just a ####.

[Rohn Jambo 812]

Please get real. The chance of you seeing Entourage the Movie is negative 100%.

Entourage team: "We're going to do a movie."

WTF? Hangover 3?

[GreatLakesMike 2]

The movie will be a bomb.

[EZD222 117]

The movie will be a bomb.

I thought Wildhogs would bomb, but if something like that could gross $170M anything is possible.

[jdoggydogg 2,025]

The movie will be a bomb.

Couldn't be worse than the series.

[Ilov80s 29,108]

The movie will be a bomb.

Couldn't be worse than the series.

What an amazing year for TV 2011 was: huge new critically acclaimed hits like Game of Thrones, Homeland, and American Horror Story, Parks and Rec, Community, Louie and Modern Family in high comedy form, Breaking Bad continuing it's epic run and Entourage finally ending. Best year ever?

[jdoggydogg 2,025]

The movie will be a bomb.

Couldn't be worse than the series.

What an amazing year for TV 2011 was: huge new critically acclaimed hits like Game of Thrones, Homeland, and American Horror Story, Parks and Rec, Community, Louie and Modern Family in high comedy form, Breaking Bad continuing it's epic run and Entourage finally ending. Best year ever?

:lmao:I've watched every episode of Entourage - more than once. But I've always viewed it as the male version of Sex in the City. Nice eye candy, but vapid and pointless.

[jdoggydogg 2,025]

Doug Ellin says he's almost done with the Entourage movie script that we went ahead and wrote for him

Fortunately for you, we've got an exclusive excerpt of the screenplay: INT. HIP L.A. NIGHT CLUB

Vinnie and his boys are sitting on what appears to be a living room set the size of most people's apartments, just adjacent to the dance floor. All of the waitresses resemble lingerie models whose agents told them doing extra work on Entourage would get them noticed; off screen they are all horrible to each other. Jerry Ferrara is visibly starving.

VINCENT: Guys, I just want to say that the past six months of hanging out and going to fun parties have been some of the best six months of hanging out and going to fun parties of my life. I love you guys.

DRAMA: We love you too, baby bro—especially since you're paying.

Everyone laughs, even though this barely resembles a joke and is, in fact, the bluntly stated subtext of both their relationships and the entire show.

TURTLE: Hey, but I've got the next round, okay? It's the least I can do, considering I'm also now a millionaire, thanks to tequila or baked clams or sneakers or rappers, or whatever that last idea was that somehow made a lot of money finally.

DRAMA: The next round? Hell, I've got the next week. After what you did, Vin, putting me in that TV movie about miners and a dog? Now everybody wants a piece of Johnny Drama, because that's how Hollywood works, apparently.

TURTLE: Yeah, Drama, all it took to make it look like you have charisma was to put you next to a dog and a rock.

Everyone laughs, as this is just the kind of playful busting-of-balls enjoyed by healthy heterosexual males who spend every waking moment of their adult lives together.

ERIC: Well, I also owe all of you for what you did getting me back together with Sloan so I could be a father to our baby, something which I now balance with my jet-setting management career and also hanging out with you guys and going to fun—

His cell phone rings.

ERIC: (answering) Hey, Sloan!

He exits to take the call. The audience realizes that they are relieved, like when the refrigerator you didn't even notice was buzzing finally stops. They imagine that just out of frame is a cliff from which Eric tumbles into infinite nothingness.

DRAMA: Yeah, E., that's because we couldn't stand to see the little guy sold off to the sideshow as an Oompa-Loompa and—

TURTLE: He's gone, Drama.

There is an awkward silence. Vincent continues to half-smile vaguely at nothing to convey that he is alive.

Suddenly, Ari bursts into the club, randomly calling people "######" on his way in.

ARI: How'd I know I'd find the cast of Bridesmaids here?

VINCENT: Ari! How's life as a successful media mogul?

ARI: Vinnie, my balls are so big you could cast them in the next Expendables sequel—and if Stallone or Schwarzenegger get any more wrinkled, we just might. But I'm not here to talk about my balls, at least no more than every 30 seconds or so. We've got a problem: The studio is mounting a biopic of Steve Jobs, and our first choice, Daniel Day-Lewis, had to drop out.

VINCENT: What happened?

ARI: The crazy Method ####er actually gave himself cancer—or maybe not. What the #### do I know? All I know is, we're short one Steve Jobs, and naturally we need talented and revered actor Vinnie Chase, whom everyone in this town that is obviously the real Hollywood knows is every bit the equal of Daniel Day-Drink-My-#######-Dickshake-Lewis.

Eric pops in, still on his cell phone. The audience is instantly, inexplicably uncomfortable, like the feeling you get when some part of your clothing is irritating you but you can't pinpoint exactly where.

ERIC: You gotta do this, Vinnie. Steve Jobs is the role of a—hang on, I've got a call on the other line. Hey, Sloan! I've got Sloan on the other line…

He exits again. There is next to no chance that this is permanent.

ARI: So whaddaya say, Vinnie? Are you gonna think different, or think like a #####?

DRAMA: Go for it, baby bro! Hey, maybe I can play Bill Gates?

ARI: Drama, you've got a better chance of playing Bill Cosby.

TURTLE: Yeah Vinnie, go for it. Maybe we could get Apple to invest in my new app for helping you find the best tequila and sneakers to go with your baked clams, or whatever the #### it is I do again.

VINCENT: All right, I'll do it. But I want a free iPod!

ARI: Vinnie, you do this and I'll get you your own iPod factory in China. With all that slave labor at your disposal, maybe Turtle here can finally get laid. Now let's hug it out, #####. This is your fifth or sixth consecutive moment, baby!

Everyone hugs aggressively in a circle, resembling a rugby scrum with less sublimated homoeroticism.

ERIC: (holding one hand over his phone, somehow being heard over a loud, packed nightclub) Guys, guess what? Sloan is pregnant again with another Sloan! She's calling me from within Sloan's uterus right now!

DRAMA: (holding one hand over his crotch) Ohhhh! E's gonna be a father to a confusing paradox that calls into question the very bounds of our reality! Ohhhhh!

TURTLE: (holding one hand over a sandwich he is dying to devour) I am nothing! I AM NOTHING!!!!

ERIC: Nice, Turtle.

VINCENT: Hey, wait a minute. Didn't I get married?

He did get married. This causes problems that would seem to preclude hanging out and going to fun parties while also making a movie.

At the last minute, all of those problems work out.

Kanye West flies in on his private jet and they hang out and have a fun party.