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My wife is really smart (2 Viewers)
- Thread starter bostonfred
- Start date
Ignoramus
Footballguy
'gianmarco said:We're driving one morning and as we're making a turn, there's a group of protestors on the corner holding up signs. The largest one read:"Legalize Cannabis"My wife gets this horrified look on her face as we're making the turn.Wife: "That's DISGUSTING!!!! That will never happen!!"Me:Wife: Oh........OH. Nevermind.Me:
NCCommish
Footballguy
All you can say is wow
Marvin
Footballguy
I'm pretty sure this is faked/staged. I remember seeing this as a "letter to the editor" almost 20 years ago.
xulf
Footballguy
Sarnoff
Footballguy
I asked my astrology-obsessed coworker what an aircraft carrier was. "Um, a thing for carrying stuff?"
Rick James
Footballguy
not necessarily stupid, but pretty funny:
Me: Hey, want to check out this new restaurant in town? It's getting great reviews. Only thing is, it's pretty expensive. Like, $50 for a steak.
Wife: WTF. I don't get how a steak can be that expensive. What, is it from Lil Wayne's personal cow?
Me:
Me: Hey, want to check out this new restaurant in town? It's getting great reviews. Only thing is, it's pretty expensive. Like, $50 for a steak.
Wife: WTF. I don't get how a steak can be that expensive. What, is it from Lil Wayne's personal cow?
Me:
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
Yep, just a recreation of an urban legend.
Jewell
Footballguy
Upon seeing me eating Fig Newtons, some girl I was hooking-upw with in college asked, "You ever wonder what's inside a fig newton?"
She thought fig was some sort of synthetic creation.
-----------------------------
Just a few month's ago at work, several of us as work were talking about Andrew Zimmern's show. In particular, an episode where Andrew was eating some animal's cooked penis. I forget how we segued into it now, but I said that I would eat a bull's penis. One of the ladies then asked, "Both of them?"
Another lady and I had a puzzled look on our faces so I had to ask, "What do you mean both of them?" She then said (paraphrasing), "A bull is a big animal so it has multiple penises."
The other lady and I then stared at each other again in amazement before I explained to this adult lady the one male, one penis rule.
She thought fig was some sort of synthetic creation.
-----------------------------
Just a few month's ago at work, several of us as work were talking about Andrew Zimmern's show. In particular, an episode where Andrew was eating some animal's cooked penis. I forget how we segued into it now, but I said that I would eat a bull's penis. One of the ladies then asked, "Both of them?"
Another lady and I had a puzzled look on our faces so I had to ask, "What do you mean both of them?" She then said (paraphrasing), "A bull is a big animal so it has multiple penises."
The other lady and I then stared at each other again in amazement before I explained to this adult lady the one male, one penis rule.
Magic Football Shoes
Footballguy
I had to explain to a lady (mid 50's) I worked with which continent we lived on. I then proceeded to draw her a map of the world and labeled the 7 continents for her.She got really pissed when I first laughed at her. "Like I've ever needed to know what continent we lived on!"
mr roboto
Footballguy
So stupid she actually made a good point.
mr roboto
Footballguy
On our honeymoon in Hawaii we went up to the top of the volcano on Maui. Took a van that pulled a trailer full of bikes behind, got up there just before sunrise, watched the sunrise then rode the bikes all the way down (awesome experience btw).
There were about 30 people in our group of 4 vans. One couple was our age and we sat with them on the way up and got along with them really well. The chick was really cute too.
On top of the volcano everyone is enjoying the sunrise. She turns to her husband and asks...
'Which side is the Atlantic and which side is the pacific?'
Husband: 'Uh...' (looks at me and I give him the 'don't say anything' look)
'Well sweetie, why don't you ask the tour guide?'
So she does. Guy politely tells her that Hawaii is in the middle if the Pacific and that you can't really see the Atlantic from Hawaii.
She comes back to her husband and says 'I don't think our tour guide knows what he's talking about.'
There were about 30 people in our group of 4 vans. One couple was our age and we sat with them on the way up and got along with them really well. The chick was really cute too.
On top of the volcano everyone is enjoying the sunrise. She turns to her husband and asks...
'Which side is the Atlantic and which side is the pacific?'
Husband: 'Uh...' (looks at me and I give him the 'don't say anything' look)
'Well sweetie, why don't you ask the tour guide?'
So she does. Guy politely tells her that Hawaii is in the middle if the Pacific and that you can't really see the Atlantic from Hawaii.
She comes back to her husband and says 'I don't think our tour guide knows what he's talking about.'
shader
Footballguy
Emerson Biggens
Footballguy
My ex wife and I were on our honeymoon cruise and at dinner got seated at the captain’s table. One of the captains was from Italy. Several glasses of wine in, she asks him “what language do they speak in Italy?”
With a very puzzled look on his face and a thick accent he says “ehhh…. Italian?”
She’s a teacher. Stupid #####
With a very puzzled look on his face and a thick accent he says “ehhh…. Italian?”
She’s a teacher. Stupid #####
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
Marvin
Footballguy
Marvin
Footballguy
Many, many years ago the wife and I were in some local store that had this "funny" missing dog poster. The wife said "Oh, poor dog". I just looked at her and said "You're kidding, right?" She said "What do you mean? That poor little dog is all beat up and now it's lost."
It still took her a minute to get it after I said "Look at his name...get it?"
It still took her a minute to get it after I said "Look at his name...get it?"
mr roboto
Footballguy
Just 2 mins ago...
Wife: Gonna go to bed
Me: Yea, it's after 10, you must be really tired (she goes to bed way earlier than me)
Wife: If I don't get to bed I'll turn into a pumpkin.
Me: Ooo, I'd like some pumpkin pie (really proud of this line)
Her (deadpan): There's plenty of dessert in the fridge.
Wife: Gonna go to bed
Me: Yea, it's after 10, you must be really tired (she goes to bed way earlier than me)
Wife: If I don't get to bed I'll turn into a pumpkin.
Me: Ooo, I'd like some pumpkin pie (really proud of this line)
Her (deadpan): There's plenty of dessert in the fridge.
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Jewell
Footballguy
Just 2 mins ago...
Wife: Gonna go to bed
Me: Yea, it's after 10, you must be really tired (she goes to bed way earlier than me)
Wife: If I don't get to bed I'll turn into a pumpkin.
Me: Ooo, I'd like some pumpkin pie (really proud of this line)
Her (deadpan): There's plenty of dessert in the fridge.
mr roboto
Footballguy
I know, right?Just 2 mins ago...
Wife: Gonna go to bed
Me: Yea, it's after 10, you must be really tired (she goes to bed way earlier than me)
Wife: If I don't get to bed I'll turn into a pumpkin.
Me: Ooo, I'd like some pumpkin pie (really proud of this line)
Her (deadpan): There's plenty of dessert in the fridge.
flarkworms
Footballguy
Secretary in my office a few months ago:
She: What a shame about Junior Seau. He was such a good football player, and also a great bowler.
Me: Bowler?
She (pointing to online article): Says right here, he was a Pro Bowler.
Me (and the rest of the office):
She: What a shame about Junior Seau. He was such a good football player, and also a great bowler.
Me: Bowler?
She (pointing to online article): Says right here, he was a Pro Bowler.
Me (and the rest of the office):
offdee
Footballguy
Secretary in my office a few months ago:She: What a shame about Junior Seau. He was such a good football player, and also a great bowler.Me: Bowler?She (pointing to online article): Says right here, he was a Pro Bowler.Me (and the rest of the office):
Women.
Steve Tasker
Footballguy
My woman doesn't understand the concept of a first down.
Me: If it's 1st and 10, how many yards does the team need to get?
Her: 10
Me: Good! So what down is it if they get 11 yards on 1st and 10?
Her: 2nd down.
Me: Let's try again. It's 3rd and 5. What down is it if they get 3 yards?
Her: 4th down.
Me: Ok. So what down is it if they get 7 yards?
Her: 4th down.
Me: No, that's a 1st down.
Her: I thought teams only get 4 downs?
Me: If it's 1st and 10, how many yards does the team need to get?
Her: 10
Me: Good! So what down is it if they get 11 yards on 1st and 10?
Her: 2nd down.
Me: Let's try again. It's 3rd and 5. What down is it if they get 3 yards?
Her: 4th down.
Me: Ok. So what down is it if they get 7 yards?
Her: 4th down.
Me: No, that's a 1st down.
Her: I thought teams only get 4 downs?
Zegras11
Footballguy
Secretary in my office a few months ago:She: What a shame about Junior Seau. He was such a good football player, and also a great bowler.Me: Bowler?She (pointing to online article): Says right here, he was a Pro Bowler.Me (and the rest of the office):
KGB
Footballguy
Secretary in my office a few months ago:She: What a shame about Junior Seau. He was such a good football player, and also a great bowler.Me: Bowler?She (pointing to online article): Says right here, he was a Pro Bowler.Me (and the rest of the office):
Gianni Verscotchie
Footballguy
My ex kept asking when she was going to get a ring. In my sincerest voice, i promised her that Soon her finger would be adorned with a Fugazi diamond. She began to well up from joy and put her arms around me tightly. She rewarded me with a fantastic night of love making - even some acrobatics! Woke up the next morning to more passion and treated to a wonderfully cooked breakfast. Bliss.
The next day I recieve a phone call "A FUGAZI?!! A FUGAZI?!!!"
Evidently, she bragged to all of her coworkers how I was going buy her a Fugazi diamond...............lol
The next day I recieve a phone call "A FUGAZI?!! A FUGAZI?!!!"
Evidently, she bragged to all of her coworkers how I was going buy her a Fugazi diamond...............lol
mr roboto
Footballguy
I had to google this. Is it a Paisan thing?
shadyridr
Footballguy
yes
Alex P Keaton
Footballguy
Awesome thread. Love how so many stories are starting with "my wife is really smart but....."
The Charlie Hustlers
Footballguy
Go watch Donnie Brasco right now!
Carver
Footballguy
Me: Hun, what's an Aircraft Carrier?Her: That thing they wheel the luggage to the airplane on.
Me: Thanks.
Her:
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parasaurolophus
Footballguy
Just asked the wife if she knew what an aircraft carrier is. Happy to report she knew. Gave a real good description. Now she is upset after I gave her the explanation of why I was asking.
top dog
Footballguy
A number of years back we were renting this house that had a family of raccoons living in the attic. The landlord hired this hillbilly trapper guy to capture the racoons. The live trap started out on the roof, but soon fell off into our flower bed where it stayed set up night after night. One morning the wife went outside and quickly came running back into the living room...
wife: "Go outside and check the trap! There is a baby racoon in there! It looks weird!"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Wife: "It doesn't have it's stripes yet!"
Me:
It turned out to be a possum.
wife: "Go outside and check the trap! There is a baby racoon in there! It looks weird!"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Wife: "It doesn't have it's stripes yet!"
Me:
It turned out to be a possum.
parasaurolophus
Footballguy
So is your wife.
shadyridr
Footballguy
Binky The Doormat
Footballguy
Donnie Brasco
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Conversation I just had with my wife. An ad for "Moonrise Kingdom" is on the TV.
Wife: We should go see this.
Me: Go see it? Pretty sure it's out on DVD now.
Wife: Oh. Well let's rent it then. It looks great.
Me: Meh. I'm not a Wes Anderson fan.
Wife: But this looks good.
Me: It looks just like "Rushmore" and "Royal Tannenbaums". I didn't like either of those. I don't like any of his movies for that matter.
Wife: But I liked "Rushmore".
Now my nonsense detector is going off like mad.
Me: You liked "Rushmore"? OK, tell me who was in it?
Wife: I don't remember.
Me: What was it about?
Wife: I don't remember I just know that I liked it.
Me: That's insane.
Wife: I don't remember movies like you do. I just know I liked it.
Me: Was it because Tom Hanks was in it.
Wife: Probably.
Me: That's great because he wasn't in it.
Wife: We should go see this.
Me: Go see it? Pretty sure it's out on DVD now.
Wife: Oh. Well let's rent it then. It looks great.
Me: Meh. I'm not a Wes Anderson fan.
Wife: But this looks good.
Me: It looks just like "Rushmore" and "Royal Tannenbaums". I didn't like either of those. I don't like any of his movies for that matter.
Wife: But I liked "Rushmore".
Now my nonsense detector is going off like mad.
Me: You liked "Rushmore"? OK, tell me who was in it?
Wife: I don't remember.
Me: What was it about?
Wife: I don't remember I just know that I liked it.
Me: That's insane.
Wife: I don't remember movies like you do. I just know I liked it.
Me: Was it because Tom Hanks was in it.
Wife: Probably.
Me: That's great because he wasn't in it.
Hipple Long Ware & Peete
Footballguy
Did we lose another? Or just
Buddy Ball 2K3
Footballguy
We just started to watch the newest American Horror story and the title of the episode is "I am Anne Frank". Wife turns to me and says "Really? Hitlers lover?"
Sitting in the Superdome the other day at the Saints game and she looks at me (perhaps a tad buzzed)
"How to they change the field turf between events? Does it fold up?"
(I immediately think about this thread)
"Yes, one guy stands at one end, picks it up and walks it over to the other end and then they argue about who gets to take it"
"Shut up ###"
"The field rolls...do you realize how heavy and awkward it would be to fold it and move it?
"That makes sense"
"So there's a thread on FBG about "My wife is really smart, but...."
"Don't you dare put me on there"
:hi:
"How to they change the field turf between events? Does it fold up?"
(I immediately think about this thread)
"Yes, one guy stands at one end, picks it up and walks it over to the other end and then they argue about who gets to take it"
"Shut up ###"
"The field rolls...do you realize how heavy and awkward it would be to fold it and move it?
"That makes sense"
"So there's a thread on FBG about "My wife is really smart, but...."
"Don't you dare put me on there"
:hi:
WampusCat43
Footballguy
With me it's "one of one, half-dozen of another".
Magic Football Shoes
Footballguy
WampusCat43
Footballguy
My wife actually enjoys war movies, but drives me crazy asking questions all the way through them. We watched Midway the other night, and after patiently explaining aircraft carriers to her (seriously) and all the strategy going on, about halfway through she stopped and said "Wait a minute - they're Japanese? I thought this was the Korean War!"
There's a scene in the movie Red Tails (about pilots in WWII) where one of the bomber pilots tell the fighter jocks that they "saved his *** over Ploesti". I explained to her that I had an uncle that was killed piloting a B-24 over that city and she asked me if we were close.
There's a scene in the movie Red Tails (about pilots in WWII) where one of the bomber pilots tell the fighter jocks that they "saved his *** over Ploesti". I explained to her that I had an uncle that was killed piloting a B-24 over that city and she asked me if we were close.
Angry Beavers
Footballguy
My wife once forgot to tell me that her co worker was hitting on her... for 10 years... can you imagine?
Bull Dozier
Footballguy
Just wanted* to report that my wife knew what an aircraft carrier was.
*Actually, I was required to after explaining why I asked her.
*Actually, I was required to after explaining why I asked her.
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