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My wife is really smart


bostonfred

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My ex didn't know what an aircraft carrier was. Try that one out on the ladies and report back.

Just did.

'Honey, what's an aircraft carrier?'

'A plane!'

'No, that would be an aircraft. So then what would an aircraft carrier be?'

'Something that carries a plane?'

'Yes. And what kind of thing would carry a plane?'

'A boat?'

'Yes, so what's an aircraft carrier?'

'A boat!!!'

Me: Honey, whats an aircraft carrier?

Wife: why are you asking me that?

Me: Do you know what it is?

Wife: WTF is wrong with you?

Me: well?

Wife: Do you know what a piece of paper is?

Me: never mind

WIfe: WTF is wrong with you?

Me: At least I'm pretty.

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We're driving one morning and as we're making a turn, there's a group of protestors on the corner holding up signs. The largest one read:"Legalize Cannabis"My wife gets this horrified look on her face as we're making the turn.Wife: "That's DISGUSTING!!!! That will never happen!!"Me: :confused:Wife: Oh........OH. Nevermind.Me: :lmao:

:lmao:
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My ex didn't know what an aircraft carrier was. Try that one out on the ladies and report back.

Just did.

'Honey, what's an aircraft carrier?'

'A plane!'

'No, that would be an aircraft. So then what would an aircraft carrier be?'

'Something that carries a plane?'

'Yes. And what kind of thing would carry a plane?'

'A boat?'

'Yes, so what's an aircraft carrier?'

'A boat!!!'

Me: Honey, whats an aircraft carrier?

Wife: why are you asking me that?

Me: Do you know what it is?

Wife: WTF is wrong with you?

Me: well?

Wife: Do you know what a piece of paper is?

Me: never mind

WIfe: WTF is wrong with you?

Me: At least I'm pretty.

:thumbup:
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not necessarily stupid, but pretty funny:

Me: Hey, want to check out this new restaurant in town? It's getting great reviews. Only thing is, it's pretty expensive. Like, $50 for a steak.

Wife: WTF. I don't get how a steak can be that expensive. What, is it from Lil Wayne's personal cow?

Me: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

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Upon seeing me eating Fig Newtons, some girl I was hooking-upw with in college asked, "You ever wonder what's inside a fig newton?"

She thought fig was some sort of synthetic creation.

-----------------------------

Just a few month's ago at work, several of us as work were talking about Andrew Zimmern's show. In particular, an episode where Andrew was eating some animal's cooked penis. I forget how we segued into it now, but I said that I would eat a bull's penis. One of the ladies then asked, "Both of them?"

Another lady and I had a puzzled look on our faces so I had to ask, "What do you mean both of them?" She then said (paraphrasing), "A bull is a big animal so it has multiple penises."

The other lady and I then stared at each other again in amazement before I explained to this adult lady the one male, one penis rule.

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Upon seeing me eating Fig Newtons, some girl I was hooking-upw with in college asked, "You ever wonder what's inside a fig newton?"She thought fig was some sort of synthetic creation.-----------------------------Just a few month's ago at work, several of us as work were talking about Andrew Zimmern's show. In particular, an episode where Andrew was eating some animal's cooked penis. I forget how we segued into it now, but I said that I would eat a bull's penis. One of the ladies then asked, "Both of them?" Another lady and I had a puzzled look on our faces so I had to ask, "What do you mean both of them?" She then said (paraphrasing), "A bull is a big animal so it has multiple penises."The other lady and I then stared at each other again in amazement before I explained to this adult lady the one male, one penis rule.

I had to explain to a lady (mid 50's) I worked with which continent we lived on. I then proceeded to draw her a map of the world and labeled the 7 continents for her.She got really pissed when I first laughed at her. "Like I've ever needed to know what continent we lived on!"
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Upon seeing me eating Fig Newtons, some girl I was hooking-upw with in college asked, "You ever wonder what's inside a fig newton?"She thought fig was some sort of synthetic creation.-----------------------------Just a few month's ago at work, several of us as work were talking about Andrew Zimmern's show. In particular, an episode where Andrew was eating some animal's cooked penis. I forget how we segued into it now, but I said that I would eat a bull's penis. One of the ladies then asked, "Both of them?" Another lady and I had a puzzled look on our faces so I had to ask, "What do you mean both of them?" She then said (paraphrasing), "A bull is a big animal so it has multiple penises."The other lady and I then stared at each other again in amazement before I explained to this adult lady the one male, one penis rule.

I had to explain to a lady (mid 50's) I worked with which continent we lived on. I then proceeded to draw her a map of the world and labeled the 7 continents for her.She got really pissed when I first laughed at her. "Like I've ever needed to know what continent we lived on!"
So stupid she actually made a good point.
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On our honeymoon in Hawaii we went up to the top of the volcano on Maui. Took a van that pulled a trailer full of bikes behind, got up there just before sunrise, watched the sunrise then rode the bikes all the way down (awesome experience btw).

There were about 30 people in our group of 4 vans. One couple was our age and we sat with them on the way up and got along with them really well. The chick was really cute too.

On top of the volcano everyone is enjoying the sunrise. She turns to her husband and asks...

'Which side is the Atlantic and which side is the pacific?'

Husband: 'Uh...' (looks at me and I give him the 'don't say anything' look)

'Well sweetie, why don't you ask the tour guide?'

So she does. Guy politely tells her that Hawaii is in the middle if the Pacific and that you can't really see the Atlantic from Hawaii.

She comes back to her husband and says 'I don't think our tour guide knows what he's talking about.'

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On our honeymoon in Hawaii we went up to the top of the volcano on Maui. Took a van that pulled a trailer full of bikes behind, got up there just before sunrise, watched the sunrise then rode the bikes all the way down (awesome experience btw). There were about 30 people in our group of 4 vans. One couple was our age and we sat with them on the way up and got along with them really well. The chick was really cute too. On top of the volcano everyone is enjoying the sunrise. She turns to her husband and asks...'Which side is the Atlantic and which side is the pacific?'Husband: 'Uh...' (looks at me and I give him the 'don't say anything' look)'Well sweetie, why don't you ask the tour guide?'So she does. Guy politely tells her that Hawaii is in the middle if the Pacific and that you can't really see the Atlantic from Hawaii. She comes back to her husband and says 'I don't think our tour guide knows what he's talking about.'

:lmao:
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My ex wife and I were on our honeymoon cruise and at dinner got seated at the captain’s table. One of the captains was from Italy. Several glasses of wine in, she asks him “what language do they speak in Italy?”

With a very puzzled look on his face and a thick accent he says “ehhh…. Italian?”

She’s a teacher. Stupid #####

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On our honeymoon in Hawaii we went up to the top of the volcano on Maui. Took a van that pulled a trailer full of bikes behind, got up there just before sunrise, watched the sunrise then rode the bikes all the way down (awesome experience btw). There were about 30 people in our group of 4 vans. One couple was our age and we sat with them on the way up and got along with them really well. The chick was really cute too. On top of the volcano everyone is enjoying the sunrise. She turns to her husband and asks...'Which side is the Atlantic and which side is the pacific?'Husband: 'Uh...' (looks at me and I give him the 'don't say anything' look)'Well sweetie, why don't you ask the tour guide?'So she does. Guy politely tells her that Hawaii is in the middle if the Pacific and that you can't really see the Atlantic from Hawaii. She comes back to her husband and says 'I don't think our tour guide knows what he's talking about.'

:lmao:
:goodposting:
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Just 2 mins ago...

Wife: Gonna go to bed

Me: Yea, it's after 10, you must be really tired (she goes to bed way earlier than me)

Wife: If I don't get to bed I'll turn into a pumpkin.

Me: Ooo, I'd like some pumpkin pie (really proud of this line)

Her (deadpan): There's plenty of dessert in the fridge.

:sadbanana:

Edited by mr roboto
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Just 2 mins ago...

Wife: Gonna go to bed

Me: Yea, it's after 10, you must be really tired (she goes to bed way earlier than me)

Wife: If I don't get to bed I'll turn into a pumpkin.

Me: Ooo, I'd like some pumpkin pie (really proud of this line)

Her (deadpan): There's plenty of dessert in the fridge.

:sadbanana:

:thumbup::lmao:
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Just 2 mins ago...

Wife: Gonna go to bed

Me: Yea, it's after 10, you must be really tired (she goes to bed way earlier than me)

Wife: If I don't get to bed I'll turn into a pumpkin.

Me: Ooo, I'd like some pumpkin pie (really proud of this line)

Her (deadpan): There's plenty of dessert in the fridge.

:sadbanana:

:thumbup::lmao:
I know, right?
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Secretary in my office a few months ago:She: What a shame about Junior Seau. He was such a good football player, and also a great bowler.Me: Bowler?She (pointing to online article): Says right here, he was a Pro Bowler.Me (and the rest of the office): :lmao:

:lmao: Women.
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My woman doesn't understand the concept of a first down.

Me: If it's 1st and 10, how many yards does the team need to get?

Her: 10

Me: Good! So what down is it if they get 11 yards on 1st and 10?

Her: 2nd down.

Me: Let's try again. It's 3rd and 5. What down is it if they get 3 yards?

Her: 4th down.

Me: Ok. So what down is it if they get 7 yards?

Her: 4th down.

Me: No, that's a 1st down.

Her: I thought teams only get 4 downs?

:wall:

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Secretary in my office a few months ago:She: What a shame about Junior Seau. He was such a good football player, and also a great bowler.Me: Bowler?She (pointing to online article): Says right here, he was a Pro Bowler.Me (and the rest of the office): :lmao:

:lmao: :lmao:
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Secretary in my office a few months ago:She: What a shame about Junior Seau. He was such a good football player, and also a great bowler.Me: Bowler?She (pointing to online article): Says right here, he was a Pro Bowler.Me (and the rest of the office): :lmao:

:lmao: :lmao:
:lmao:
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My ex kept asking when she was going to get a ring. In my sincerest voice, i promised her that Soon her finger would be adorned with a Fugazi diamond. She began to well up from joy and put her arms around me tightly. She rewarded me with a fantastic night of love making - even some acrobatics! Woke up the next morning to more passion and treated to a wonderfully cooked breakfast. Bliss.

The next day I recieve a phone call "A FUGAZI?!! A FUGAZI?!!!"

Evidently, she bragged to all of her coworkers how I was going buy her a Fugazi diamond...............lol

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My ex kept asking when she was going to get a ring. In my sincerest voice, i promised her that Soon her finger would be adorned with a Fugazi diamond. She began to well up from joy and put her arms around me tightly. She rewarded me with a fantastic night of love making - even some acrobatics! Woke up the next morning to more passion and treated to a wonderfully cooked breakfast. Bliss.The next day I recieve a phone call "A FUGAZI?!! A FUGAZI?!!!"Evidently, she bragged to all of her coworkers how I was going buy her a Fugazi diamond...............lol

I had to google this. Is it a Paisan thing?
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My ex kept asking when she was going to get a ring. In my sincerest voice, i promised her that Soon her finger would be adorned with a Fugazi diamond. She began to well up from joy and put her arms around me tightly. She rewarded me with a fantastic night of love making - even some acrobatics! Woke up the next morning to more passion and treated to a wonderfully cooked breakfast. Bliss.The next day I recieve a phone call "A FUGAZI?!! A FUGAZI?!!!"Evidently, she bragged to all of her coworkers how I was going buy her a Fugazi diamond...............lol

I had to google this. Is it a Paisan thing?
yes
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My ex kept asking when she was going to get a ring. In my sincerest voice, i promised her that Soon her finger would be adorned with a Fugazi diamond. She began to well up from joy and put her arms around me tightly. She rewarded me with a fantastic night of love making - even some acrobatics! Woke up the next morning to more passion and treated to a wonderfully cooked breakfast. Bliss.The next day I recieve a phone call "A FUGAZI?!! A FUGAZI?!!!"Evidently, she bragged to all of her coworkers how I was going buy her a Fugazi diamond...............lol

I had to google this. Is it a Paisan thing?
Go watch Donnie Brasco right now!
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A number of years back we were renting this house that had a family of raccoons living in the attic. The landlord hired this hillbilly trapper guy to capture the racoons. The live trap started out on the roof, but soon fell off into our flower bed where it stayed set up night after night. One morning the wife went outside and quickly came running back into the living room...

wife: "Go outside and check the trap! There is a baby racoon in there! It looks weird!"

Me: "What do you mean?"

Wife: "It doesn't have it's stripes yet!"

Me: :confused: :confused:

It turned out to be a possum. :lmao:

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My ex kept asking when she was going to get a ring. In my sincerest voice, i promised her that Soon her finger would be adorned with a Fugazi diamond. She began to well up from joy and put her arms around me tightly. She rewarded me with a fantastic night of love making - even some acrobatics! Woke up the next morning to more passion and treated to a wonderfully cooked breakfast. Bliss.The next day I recieve a phone call "A FUGAZI?!! A FUGAZI?!!!"Evidently, she bragged to all of her coworkers how I was going buy her a Fugazi diamond...............lol

I had to google this. Is it a Paisan thing?
Donnie Brasco
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Conversation I just had with my wife. An ad for "Moonrise Kingdom" is on the TV.

Wife: We should go see this.

Me: Go see it? Pretty sure it's out on DVD now.

Wife: Oh. Well let's rent it then. It looks great.

Me: Meh. I'm not a Wes Anderson fan.

Wife: But this looks good.

Me: It looks just like "Rushmore" and "Royal Tannenbaums". I didn't like either of those. I don't like any of his movies for that matter.

Wife: But I liked "Rushmore".

Now my nonsense detector is going off like mad.

Me: You liked "Rushmore"? OK, tell me who was in it?

Wife: I don't remember.

Me: What was it about?

Wife: I don't remember I just know that I liked it.

Me: That's insane.

Wife: I don't remember movies like you do. I just know I liked it.

Me: Was it because Tom Hanks was in it.

Wife: Probably.

Me: That's great because he wasn't in it.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

Sitting in the Superdome the other day at the Saints game and she looks at me (perhaps a tad buzzed)

"How to they change the field turf between events? Does it fold up?"

(I immediately think about this thread)

"Yes, one guy stands at one end, picks it up and walks it over to the other end and then they argue about who gets to take it"

"Shut up ###"

"The field rolls...do you realize how heavy and awkward it would be to fold it and move it?

"That makes sense"

"So there's a thread on FBG about "My wife is really smart, but...."

"Don't you dare put me on there"

:hi:

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My wife actually enjoys war movies, but drives me crazy asking questions all the way through them. We watched Midway the other night, and after patiently explaining aircraft carriers to her (seriously) and all the strategy going on, about halfway through she stopped and said "Wait a minute - they're Japanese? I thought this was the Korean War!"

There's a scene in the movie Red Tails (about pilots in WWII) where one of the bomber pilots tell the fighter jocks that they "saved his *** over Ploesti". I explained to her that I had an uncle that was killed piloting a B-24 over that city and she asked me if we were close. :unsure:

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