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FF Poetry (1 Viewer)

shut it down

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Footballguy
Hi guys-

Some of you might know me from the poem I penned to mark the end of Jermichael Finley's season. I thought that maybe we could have a thread devoted to poems about football, where we could share our own contributions and give constructive feedback to each other.

I'm working on something now, will get it up soon...

 
Football turns me upside down

Football, Fantasy Football

It's like a merry-go-round

A tempermental glow

How far will you take it

Well no one will know

 
A guy in my league posted this the other day:

If you're having roster problems, I feel bad for you son

I got 99 problems and your team aint one

Im checking out your roster you got Darren Sproles

Who you gonna pick up next - is it Laverneus Coles

When you drafted that team you were smokin bowls

Imma punish you quick cuz thats how my team rolls

You roll with Cutler, Steelers D, and 7 other #######s

You and your circle jerk buddies can go stroke your poles

You in my league now - you better know your roles...

Dont underestimate my team son, cuz i aint dumb

I got 99 problems and your team aint one

If youre having roster problems, I feel bad for you son

I got 99 problems and your team aint one

This game is already over and it aint begun

I got 99 problems and your team aint one

When i assess your team, thats a weak attack

Get your tears out now - Bush aint coming back

The last two years Barber aint done jack

I guess that leaves you hangin with only Steven Jack

If Mason is a starter, then your team must lack

Your hundred dollar buyin is going to my stack

Imma beat that ### and send you to the back of the pack

When the only baller on your team is Jeremy Mack

As far as fantasy goes - you just a wore out hack

When the points start rollin in look for the run

I got 99 problems but your team aint one

If you having roster problems I feel bad for you son

I got 99 problems but your team aint one

Hit Me.

He also posted this one a few weeks ago:

The game started slowly but

I was beating T-Town's ###

It was such a ####ty lineup

From a really spunky lass

He had Gettis as a Flex Play

who'd catch a cold before a pass

Like A Drum

John Kuhn was in his lineup

So was Joshua Cribbs

Lesean McCoy was on the bench

20 points and achy ribs

He was rolling with Sam Bradford

The Lions Defense - I got dibs

Like A Drum

I was worried about Mike Sellers

Would he put him in the game

If I lost to a team like that

Could it ever get so lame

How'd he trade all his talent

Only Anthony gets the blame

Like A Drum

Like A Drum

I was Beating T-Town's ###

Like A Drum

He was such a spunky lass

He got to 50 points

And his team was out of gas

Like A Drum

Like A Drum

Bradford mustve thrown 17 picks

Like A Drum

I guess you shouldnt have trade Nicks

Like A Drum

Shark Attack keeps trade raping you

Just to get his kicks

Like A Drum

 
wait for it said:
A guy in my league posted this the other day:If you're having roster problems, I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems and your team aint one Im checking out your roster you got Darren Sproles Who you gonna pick up next - is it Laverneus Coles When you drafted that team you were smokin bowls Imma punish you quick cuz thats how my team rolls You roll with Cutler, Steelers D, and 7 other #######s You and your circle jerk buddies can go stroke your poles You in my league now - you better know your roles... Dont underestimate my team son, cuz i aint dumb I got 99 problems and your team aint one If youre having roster problems, I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems and your team aint one This game is already over and it aint begun I got 99 problems and your team aint one When i assess your team, thats a weak attack Get your tears out now - Bush aint coming back The last two years Barber aint done jack I guess that leaves you hangin with only Steven Jack If Mason is a starter, then your team must lack Your hundred dollar buyin is going to my stack Imma beat that ### and send you to the back of the pack When the only baller on your team is Jeremy Mack As far as fantasy goes - you just a wore out hack When the points start rollin in look for the run I got 99 problems but your team aint one If you having roster problems I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems but your team aint one Hit Me. He also posted this one a few weeks ago:The game started slowly but I was beating T-Town's ### It was such a ####ty lineup From a really spunky lass He had Gettis as a Flex Play who'd catch a cold before a pass Like A Drum John Kuhn was in his lineup So was Joshua Cribbs Lesean McCoy was on the bench 20 points and achy ribs He was rolling with Sam Bradford The Lions Defense - I got dibs Like A Drum I was worried about Mike Sellers Would he put him in the game If I lost to a team like that Could it ever get so lame How'd he trade all his talent Only Anthony gets the blame Like A Drum Like A Drum I was Beating T-Town's ### Like A Drum He was such a spunky lass He got to 50 points And his team was out of gas Like A Drum Like A Drum Bradford mustve thrown 17 picks Like A Drum I guess you shouldnt have trade Nicks Like A Drum Shark Attack keeps trade raping you Just to get his kicks Like A Drum
Click to expand...
I've got to break character/shtick here, this is honestly the worst thing I've ever seen.
 
wait for it said:
A guy in my league posted this the other day:If you're having roster problems, I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems and your team aint one Im checking out your roster you got Darren Sproles ................He also posted this one a few weeks ago:The game started slowly but I was beating T-Town's ### It was such a ####ty lineup From a really spunky lass He had Gettis as a Flex Play who'd catch a cold before a pass Like A Drum ............
Click to expand...
Both were lame.
 
wait for it said:
A guy in my league posted this the other day:If you're having roster problems, I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems and your team aint one Im checking out your roster you got Darren Sproles Who you gonna pick up next - is it Laverneus Coles When you drafted that team you were smokin bowls Imma punish you quick cuz thats how my team rolls You roll with Cutler, Steelers D, and 7 other #######s You and your circle jerk buddies can go stroke your poles You in my league now - you better know your roles... Dont underestimate my team son, cuz i aint dumb I got 99 problems and your team aint one If youre having roster problems, I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems and your team aint one This game is already over and it aint begun I got 99 problems and your team aint one When i assess your team, thats a weak attack Get your tears out now - Bush aint coming back The last two years Barber aint done jack I guess that leaves you hangin with only Steven Jack If Mason is a starter, then your team must lack Your hundred dollar buyin is going to my stack Imma beat that ### and send you to the back of the pack When the only baller on your team is Jeremy Mack As far as fantasy goes - you just a wore out hack When the points start rollin in look for the run I got 99 problems but your team aint one If you having roster problems I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems but your team aint one Hit Me. He also posted this one a few weeks ago:The game started slowly but I was beating T-Town's ### It was such a ####ty lineup From a really spunky lass He had Gettis as a Flex Play who'd catch a cold before a pass Like A Drum John Kuhn was in his lineup So was Joshua Cribbs Lesean McCoy was on the bench 20 points and achy ribs He was rolling with Sam Bradford The Lions Defense - I got dibs Like A Drum I was worried about Mike Sellers Would he put him in the game If I lost to a team like that Could it ever get so lame How'd he trade all his talent Only Anthony gets the blame Like A Drum Like A Drum I was Beating T-Town's ### Like A Drum He was such a spunky lass He got to 50 points And his team was out of gas Like A Drum Like A Drum Bradford mustve thrown 17 picks Like A Drum I guess you shouldnt have trade Nicks Like A Drum Shark Attack keeps trade raping you Just to get his kicks Like A Drum
Click to expand...
Calling this poetry is an insult to poets. Calling it anything is pretty much an insult to everything. Let's never speak of this again - and please, if this person posts a poem, for the love of all that is life, do not waste yoour time reading it and please do not post it...well, anywhere. I wouldn't put this in an envelope and mail it to the Ossamma Bin Laden and the devil. What kind of cruel FBG are you anyway?!
 
Ehhh' Jack and Jill went up the hill,..... both with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50 (Jack had to pay fantasy football dues/fees)!

 
I try to see with my two eyes,

As I log onto, Footballguys.

My mind is dry for the knowledge I seek

As I post on the boards, idiotic, I speak.

Info is spread all over this site,

We will read into the night.

Everyone who reads, will be enlightened,

Those who feel the wrath, will be frightened.

Before you go ape nuts and flame me, yes this is weak. I will have to try harder.

 
I penned this after one redraft league draft this year with an assist from a league mate at the end. Silly yet completely lacking in any redeemable value.

High Performance FFL wow what a draft

Clearly all owners for years had honed their craft

Round one saw receivers go quick and fast

Jackson at 1.12 however could not slip past

TREX goes RB 1, 2, 3

Coin Flip responds "a trio of WRs for me"

Rats claims Brees at the 2-3 turn

While Forte at 4.07 may cause Fear's stomach to churn

Midround picks make or break your team

Bryant and Floyd are part of that dream

Late round flyers the home run hit

But Lendale White at 20.04... what a pile of ####

All owners seem happy in spite of fatigue

With claims of good balance througout the league

So let the trading begin, let the smack talk start

As I check out rosters w/ a belch and a fart

 
DoubleG said:
Calling this poetry is an insult to poets. Calling it anything is pretty much an insult to everything. Let's never speak of this again - and please, if this person posts a poem, for the love of all that is life, do not waste yoour time reading it and please do not post it...well, anywhere. I wouldn't put this in an envelope and mail it to the Ossamma Bin Laden and the devil. What kind of cruel FBG are you anyway?!
Click to expand...
:confused: I just wanted to SHAKE the author after reading it. "Stop be-ing a tool!"
 
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I sit here as an FF Guy poet

Footballnerd really knows it.

I try to drop all the sthtick

For the poster named DropKick.

Limpditka hits and brings snot

Where are the posts PhilLynott

I see all of your postings DoubleG

Lookin' good they don't impress me.

FootballGuys is here for all.

Larger than a Brett Favre Ball.

Poetry is weak at best

MOP is better than the rest.

 
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My friend suggested this week that he's starting Vince Young,

I said, "Bro, bite your tongue."

Young is hurt and has a messed up knee,

You'd be bettter off starting the Giants lineman Chris Snee!

We moved on to RB's and talked about LeSean McCoy.

I commented how he's a beast and definitely more of a man than a boy.

Our discussion ended with talking about the hottness of Stephania Bell,

My pants got tight and I said I loved her...he simply said, "I could tell."

:passesthepen:

 
Clutchfanatic said:
This thread delivers. I wanna see the Finley poem.
Click to expand...
Five for Fighting -- Superman
I cannot deny

I'm not that naive

I began to cry

When they IR'd Finley

He's more than a bird, he's more than a plane

He's more than some pretty face beside a train

And it's not easy to lose Finley

I drafted him so high

Then he hurt his knee

Now I can't get by

Without the points I'll never see

It may sound absurd, but don't be naive

Even heroes can get an injury

I may be disturbed, but still can't believe

Even Finley can tear up a knee

And it's not easy to lose Finley

Up up and away, away from me

Well it's all right, my league can all sleep sound tonight

I'm not winning... anything...

Free agents I can buy

But I'm not that naive

There's no one on the wire

Like my Superman Finley

He's only a man but he was Super to me

Found his kryptonite on Lambeau Field

Only a man wearing gold white and green

I looked for special things, oh why the knee...

Oh why the knee... Oh why the knee... Oh why the knee... Oh why the knee...

I'm only a man who's a fantasy geek

I'm only a man who wanted my best team

I'm only a man trying hard to compete

And it's not easy, ooh.. ooh.. ooh..

It's not easy... to lose... Finley :thumbup:

 
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On top of ole Lambeau,

All covered in blood.

My 2010 season,

Started off with a thud.

So I'd turn to Big Ben,

Thought surely he'd thrive.

Oh wait, he's a jackass,

And out till week five.

Then on to the dog lover,

Despite the vile stench.

But he got some payback,

And now rides the bench.

My top Indy tight end,

Was up to the task.

Of filling that void,

In the end zone he'd bask.

Only week seven and,

I should probably just quit.

At this point in the season,

I'm way out of it.

Here's to 2011.

 
wait for it said:
A guy in my league posted this the other day:If you're having roster problems, I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems and your team aint one Im checking out your roster you got Darren Sproles Who you gonna pick up next - is it Laverneus Coles When you drafted that team you were smokin bowls Imma punish you quick cuz thats how my team rolls You roll with Cutler, Steelers D, and 7 other #######s You and your circle jerk buddies can go stroke your poles You in my league now - you better know your roles... Dont underestimate my team son, cuz i aint dumb I got 99 problems and your team aint one If youre having roster problems, I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems and your team aint one This game is already over and it aint begun I got 99 problems and your team aint one When i assess your team, thats a weak attack Get your tears out now - Bush aint coming back The last two years Barber aint done jack I guess that leaves you hangin with only Steven Jack If Mason is a starter, then your team must lack Your hundred dollar buyin is going to my stack Imma beat that ### and send you to the back of the pack When the only baller on your team is Jeremy Mack As far as fantasy goes - you just a wore out hack When the points start rollin in look for the run I got 99 problems but your team aint one If you having roster problems I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems but your team aint one Hit Me. He also posted this one a few weeks ago:The game started slowly but I was beating T-Town's ### It was such a ####ty lineup From a really spunky lass He had Gettis as a Flex Play who'd catch a cold before a pass Like A Drum John Kuhn was in his lineup So was Joshua Cribbs Lesean McCoy was on the bench 20 points and achy ribs He was rolling with Sam Bradford The Lions Defense - I got dibs Like A Drum I was worried about Mike Sellers Would he put him in the game If I lost to a team like that Could it ever get so lame How'd he trade all his talent Only Anthony gets the blame Like A Drum Like A Drum I was Beating T-Town's ### Like A Drum He was such a spunky lass He got to 50 points And his team was out of gas Like A Drum Like A Drum Bradford mustve thrown 17 picks Like A Drum I guess you shouldnt have trade Nicks Like A Drum Shark Attack keeps trade raping you Just to get his kicks Like A Drum
Click to expand...
WOW. JayZ is in your league? Holy crap. That's awesome.
 
Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity

To add anyone you ever wanted-One moment

Would you capture him or just let him slip?

His palms are hairy, knees weak, arms are skinny

There's vomit on his FBG sweater already, mom's basement

He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drop busts,

but he keeps on forgettin what he posted down,

the whole crowd goes so loud

He opens his mouth, but he's told to get out

He's choking now, everybody's joking now

The clock's run out, time's up over, bloah!

Snap back to reality, Oh there goes guppy

Oh, there he goes to the AC forum, he choked

He's so mad, but he won't give up that easy.

 
shut it down said:
wait for it said:
A guy in my league posted this the other day:If you're having roster problems, I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems and your team aint one Im checking out your roster you got Darren Sproles Who you gonna pick up next - is it Laverneus Coles When you drafted that team you were smokin bowls Imma punish you quick cuz thats how my team rolls You roll with Cutler, Steelers D, and 7 other #######s You and your circle jerk buddies can go stroke your poles You in my league now - you better know your roles... Dont underestimate my team son, cuz i aint dumb I got 99 problems and your team aint one If youre having roster problems, I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems and your team aint one This game is already over and it aint begun I got 99 problems and your team aint one When i assess your team, thats a weak attack Get your tears out now - Bush aint coming back The last two years Barber aint done jack I guess that leaves you hangin with only Steven Jack If Mason is a starter, then your team must lack Your hundred dollar buyin is going to my stack Imma beat that ### and send you to the back of the pack When the only baller on your team is Jeremy Mack As far as fantasy goes - you just a wore out hack When the points start rollin in look for the run I got 99 problems but your team aint one If you having roster problems I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems but your team aint one Hit Me. He also posted this one a few weeks ago:The game started slowly but I was beating T-Town's ### It was such a ####ty lineup From a really spunky lass He had Gettis as a Flex Play who'd catch a cold before a pass Like A Drum John Kuhn was in his lineup So was Joshua Cribbs Lesean McCoy was on the bench 20 points and achy ribs He was rolling with Sam Bradford The Lions Defense - I got dibs Like A Drum I was worried about Mike Sellers Would he put him in the game If I lost to a team like that Could it ever get so lame How'd he trade all his talent Only Anthony gets the blame Like A Drum Like A Drum I was Beating T-Town's ### Like A Drum He was such a spunky lass He got to 50 points And his team was out of gas Like A Drum Like A Drum Bradford mustve thrown 17 picks Like A Drum I guess you shouldnt have trade Nicks Like A Drum Shark Attack keeps trade raping you Just to get his kicks Like A Drum
Click to expand...
I've got to break character/shtick here, this is honestly the worst thing I've ever seen.
Click to expand...
I disagree, I think it's great stuff. Think of it as rap instead of hearing it in your head as poetry and it makes more sense.
 
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"From the Worn Out Ailing FF Warrior"

Losing every week by a few points

Instead of getting blown out

Makes me ache in my joints

And the pain feels worse than gout.

If my QB could throw a touchdown

And my WRs could catch more than one pass

If my RBs could get a first down

Everybody would stop kicking my *ss!

(Not the greatest, but the first poem I wrote since high school.)

 
Last edited by a moderator:
An acrostic meant for preseason. Pardon the first line, but needed something to keep the rhyme scheme intact.

4... 3... 2... 1... feverishly

Full grown men succumb to the tease

Awaiting autumn's vibrant breeze

New hope springs unabatedly

The horrors of seasons now past

Are merely spots in the rearview

Scars fade fast before hope anew

Yes! The trophy is mine at last!

Frantic moments before the pick

Ought I choose to cover my bye?

Oh no! He has stolen my guy!

Take that! Stole him with a mouse click!

Between rounds nerves - tapping my chin

Awaiting my next masterstroke

Locked and loaded, going for broke!

Luck all! Let the gaming begin!

 
Phantom Knight said:
An acrostic meant for preseason. Pardon the first line, but needed something to keep the rhyme scheme intact.

4... 3... 2... 1... feverishly

Full grown men succumb to the tease

Awaiting autumn's vibrant breeze

New hope springs unabatedly

The horrors of seasons now past

Are merely spots in the rearview

Scars fade fast before hope anew

Yes! The trophy is mine at last!

Frantic moments before the pick

Ought I choose to cover my bye?

Oh no! He has stolen my guy!

Take that! Stole him with a mouse click!

Between rounds nerves - tapping my chin

Awaiting my next masterstroke

Locked and loaded, going for broke!

Luck all! Let the gaming begin!
Click to expand...
Very nice, that's what I'm talking about!
 
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