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Rehab - About to check myself in (1 Viewer)

Finless

Finless

Footballguy
I've been addicted to opiates in some form since last September. At the end of my rope. I've been using IV and it's time to get healthy again. It's been strange. I look like a rock and roll star from the 70's, the chicks have been all over me lately and I'm as sick as a person can be. Taking money from retirement and paying my bills for the nest 45 days. I;m going to rehab. I hope to leave by Friday.

This is not shtick. I've burned through over $100K since September of last year on drugs. I'm lucky to be alive and I realize that. My experiment with drinking worked fine. Suffered a back injury and got hooked on oxycodone. When those ran out I was addicted. I started buying from people I knew and realized that heroin was just a lot cheaper. I haven't lost everything yet but if I don't do this I will. I almost had a heart attack a few nights ago after IVing some cocaine. I was so nervous I dialed 911 on my phone without hitting send and stood outside of my house on a main road just in case I went out. That way someone would see me. It's been a long hard road.

I;ve had a girlfriend throughout it all. She's known I've used and I told her I quit on several occasions. Months have gone by with me living in her house, using drugs and her having no clue. I broke up with her last week and came clean about what's been going on with me. She just sent me a text "How much will it cost to put you in rehab for 30 days". I don't know if she plans on paying for it or what.

That's what's been going on with me. I hate to say it but my fantasy teams have suffered as a result.

I've got an hour or two to kill. Feel free to ask any questions.

 
I'd like to add that I love my girl very much. She is very stressful to date. High maintenance, like money but the truth is she understand gender roles in relationships and is pretty old school in respect to that. My downward spiral has coincided with her and I getting serious. Been a learning experience for both of us and I hope we come out on the other side with a healthy relationship. I do love her I just have trust issues as does she.

 
I don't know you, but I wish you the best of luck. Getting over drug addiction is a tough road and I'm glad to see you take it. If I can offer any advice, which is worth the paper it's printed on, it's to pay your own way if you can.

 
This all started the day you suggested picking Jimmy Gobble up off of the waiver wire, didn't it?

In all seriousness. Addiction sucks. Haven't known many that have gone down the Opiate road, but of the one's I did...well, let's just say that I knew them, not know them. Some are dead, some just aren't the person I knew when I met them.

For the most part, I know drunks and coke heads and I know what they go though is awful. I don't mean to demean any other addiction, but I can't imagine battling what you are.

If this is all on the up and up, thanks for seeking help before it's too late. I'm sure there are plenty of others that are close to you that feel the same way.

Best of luck to you.

 
How have you been able to afford the habit if you've dropped that much the past year? Great job? Rich family?

 
Wow, brutal, sorry man. I always thought you were full of it, making #### up and stuff and so I would dismiss everything. In fact I thought you were an alias for some time. I might be the worst notebooker here, lol. So it was all real? I love this guy now. I think I'd rather you didn't go to rehab, please, for me. For all of us.

Joking of course, but sorry if me and my family were a #### at times... Get well.

 
NAh its for real and most of my posts here have been real. Yes, I have a good job and put away a good chunk of change wich allowed me to have a expensive girlfriend and an expensive drug habit. Money is running out and I just got a great job offer from a good friend down in Houston. Gotta clean up so I can be effective. I;ve actually kicked 3 times since January and went back. I can't keep doing it and I can't go through it that many more times. My body can't take it. Losing 2o0 lbs in 2 weeks is not easy nor good for the body. I'm just looking forward to getting my life back and helping other like I used to.

 
I don't post much in the FFA but you can move it there if that's the right place for it to go.

 
GL, Finless.

Beat coke/meth myself - more than a decade free & clear. It's worth the trouble. Once your body gets free, work on the lies next. Hiding, outwitting life is half of the psychic portion of addiction, esp. for a clever person. If you gotta switch one dependence for another, make the 2nd one truth. Again, my best wishes.

 
'wikkidpissah said:
GL, Finless.Beat coke/meth myself - more than a decade free & clear. It's worth the trouble. Once your body gets free, work on the lies next. Hiding, outwitting life is half of the psychic portion of addiction, esp. for a clever person. If you gotta switch one dependence for another, make the 2nd one truth. Again, my best wishes.
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:goodposting:
 
Best of luck Finless. Seems like you're taking a big step towards cleaning up by admitting the problem and seeking help. Hope you get all the way to a sustainable recovery.

 
Good luck man. I had an uncle die from a heroin overdose. It isn't pretty. At least you could fund your addiction (for now). He stole from our family daily. Checks missing, TV's, jewelry, etc. Just a miserable memory. I'm 49 years old and to do this day I've never done a drug in my life. Not one single hit of pot. Not holier than thou - just seen first hand how it can destroy lives and scared that I would like something that took me down the same road. Multiple alcoholics in the family, cousin killed himself after getting whacked on Angel Dust, etc.

I seriously hope you can get clean. Pretty big of you to hit this head on and decide to go to rehab yourself.

 
Good luck and I wish you the best, I enjoy your stuff around here and think you often have good stuff to contribute. I'm sure you'll find it in yourself to overcome this.

But since you said ask any question, how have you found the motivation to be so active on a message board while on junk? Doesn't that usually down people out?

 
Good luck bro ,

Relinquishing junk. Stage one, preparation. For this you will need one room which you will not leave. Soothing music. Tomato soup, ten tins of. Mushroom soup, eight tins of, for consumption cold. Ice cream, vanilla, one large tub of. Magnesia, milk of, one bottle. Paracetamol, mouthwash, vitamins. Mineral water, Lucozade, pornography. One mattress. One bucket for urine, one for feces and one for vomitus. One television and one bottle of Valium, which I've already procured from my mother, who is, in her own domestic and socially acceptable way also a drug addict. And now I'm ready. All I need is one final hit to soothe the pain while the Valium takes effect.

 
'wikkidpissah said:
GL, Finless.Beat coke/meth myself - more than a decade free & clear. It's worth the trouble. Once your body gets free, work on the lies next. Hiding, outwitting life is half of the psychic portion of addiction, esp. for a clever person. If you gotta switch one dependence for another, make the 2nd one truth. Again, my best wishes.
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Don't know if this is the place, but I appreciate your thoughts here pissah. I feel for finless because I'm battling some addiction right now myself. Been thinking about a thread for a while and I'm not sure where I"m at with things right now. The lying to yourself is a hard thing as much as anything, but the big thing I'm paying the bill for is transference. I can't speak for Finless or you, but what I battle myself is addiction basically became an attempt to fill holes in myself with my compulsions. The trouble is, it is a bit of a whack a mole in that you do tend to trade addictions. At my "best" I know I'm a workaholic and probably a sex addict, but there are positive channeling for those, or at least more societially normal. Did you find a more positive, or at least a more acceptable outlet for your addiction? I'm probably where Finless was 2 weeks ago, something needs to be done and I need some help to do it, but this is kind of something freaking me out, once you commit, whats on the other side and what will take your time then.
 
oh man. I'm really sorry to hear that, Fin. Sounds like you've got one hell of a woman, though. GL bro. I hope it works out.

 
I have an addiction to oxycodone as well. I too became addicted after back surgery. I got a taste of the pain killers I was prescribed and have chased it ever since. Stay strong in your fight to gain your life back.

 
I've been addicted to opiates in some form since last September.
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8 months is a very short time to go from not doing hard drugs to spending $100k IV'ing heroin and cocaine. Have you had problems with drugs in the past? Good luck and get into rehab ASAP.
 
'wikkidpissah said:
GL, Finless.Beat coke/meth myself - more than a decade free & clear. It's worth the trouble. Once your body gets free, work on the lies next. Hiding, outwitting life is half of the psychic portion of addiction, esp. for a clever person. If you gotta switch one dependence for another, make the 2nd one truth. Again, my best wishes.
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This is good advise. The stress/thrill of covering up addiction can keep you using long past the actual high being fun anymore. Got to re-train your brain to enjoy some of the simpler things in life. Good luck.
 
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'Smack Tripper said:
'wikkidpissah said:
GL, Finless.Beat coke/meth myself - more than a decade free & clear. It's worth the trouble. Once your body gets free, work on the lies next. Hiding, outwitting life is half of the psychic portion of addiction, esp. for a clever person. If you gotta switch one dependence for another, make the 2nd one truth. Again, my best wishes.
Click to expand...
Don't know if this is the place, but I appreciate your thoughts here pissah. I feel for finless because I'm battling some addiction right now myself. Been thinking about a thread for a while and I'm not sure where I"m at with things right now. The lying to yourself is a hard thing as much as anything, but the big thing I'm paying the bill for is transference. I can't speak for Finless or you, but what I battle myself is addiction basically became an attempt to fill holes in myself with my compulsions. The trouble is, it is a bit of a whack a mole in that you do tend to trade addictions. At my "best" I know I'm a workaholic and probably a sex addict, but there are positive channeling for those, or at least more societially normal. Did you find a more positive, or at least a more acceptable outlet for your addiction? I'm probably where Finless was 2 weeks ago, something needs to be done and I need some help to do it, but this is kind of something freaking me out, once you commit, whats on the other side and what will take your time then.
Click to expand...
You have to fill your heart first and your life second. I beat 12 yrs addicted coke, then meth (last 2 yrs) without rehab or 12-step so i may not be the right reference point, but there might be 1 or 2 things i know from that process which maybe the squares dont.It's all about death & noise, man. "Up" highs are about beating death and creating enough noise to drown out the s***, "down" highs are about inviting death and quieting the noise from all the s***. Combine both in high dosages and you got condos in heaven & hell, so #### em. The s*** nor the noise don't actually stop and, once you become friends with death, he keeps patting the seat next to him & smiling at you for the rest of your days.God is the answer we've invented for death & that's why most of the cures are God-based. It works but, at its heart, it's more noise. The answer for those who have not God is beauty and it is that to which i turned to save myself. My wife's death of cancer was all wrapped up in my personal crash, so i had to get away from the town that reminded of her. Borrowed my uncle's hunting cabin in Vt for a winter, used the seclusion to beat the physical part. I may be wrong, but i think you have to do the God/program thing if you want to cure the drugs without quitting your life. So quit your life if it dont hurt nobody but you.I cured myself with two sentences: 1) Happiness begins where selfishness ends 2) For us each, there is a beauty only we can serve. The first one is simple - the less you require from outside yourself, the more you require from inside yourself. The first thing you have to require from yourself is truth - you aint trickin nobody but you and all that does is rob your ability to reward yourself with the benefits of what is real and tactile and just plain beautiful. The opportunity to be me today is an extraordinary gift and drugs are for people who cant find the way to appreciating that. How stupid, right?! The second one is actually the way built into life to celebrate realization of the first. There is indeed a beauty only you can serve - whether its an art, a craft (there's an old Jewish wisdom that even the greatest thinker should learn how to make something by hand, so they can stay in touch with the basics and always know they can provide) or something on a non-creative plain that you can treat as an art - even loving your wife or raising kids or giving to the less fortunate or even raising something that is insignificant to everybody else to a status of great significance with yourself. As long as you treat it like an art, it is an art. And art is a prayer, whether there's a God or not. It's beautiful and makes you beautiful. And only tall blondes need drugs when theyre beautiful - that's only cuz they dont get to see the beauty we do. Good luck to you both - i'm a PM away if you need it.
 
Yet you still had to throw in a couple things to brag about, didn't you? Just because you say, "This is not shtick", doesn't mean it's not shtick.

Hopefully, you'll emerge a humbled person.

 
Good Luck Finless. Just remember it's never over, always a work in progress. Don't let your guard down.

Good Stuff pissah.

 
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Wikkid is the shizznitt

Stay strong fin. I enjoyed opiates quite a bit after my knee surgery(and before to be honest). Some small part of me realized that I liked them a wee bit too much and I should NEVER try heroin.

Go sox!

 
Good to see that you know what you need to do. That'll be a good foundation to go back to on the long road to staying clean. Hope you do! Best, best, best of luck to you and truly hope you get well and can weather the demons afterwards long enough to get through the worst of it.

 
Best wishes. I'll need you to keep in contact, however, as I rely heavily on your advice and respect your opinions. And well, it's really all about me.

 
Good luck. Opiates are no joke. My cousin dabbled in all sorts of stuff before getting hooked on heroin. He did manage to actually get off of the heroin, but got hooked on oxy due to some health issues. He OD'd a little over a year ago. He was about 10 years older than me and I looked up to him like crazy when were were younger. He had this fantastic imagination, incredible artistic talent, and a HUGE heart. Once he got hooked on the heroin and oxy, he no longer had an imagination, lost mobility in his hands and legs in an accident, and constantly lied to and hated his family. The cousin I knew and loved as a kid hadn't existed for close to 2 decades when he overdosed in a filthy trailer in North Carolina while his "friends" slept on. The same "friends" that he had to keep his drugs locked up in a safe from because they constantly stole from him.

My cousin was in and out of rehab facilities multiple times. But he never once went in on his own accord. That's a huge first step and a necessary one if you're going to have any success. So you've already taken the first step to changing your life for the better. Good luck. I'll be praying for your success.

 
Fin, I have had family members who went through what you are talking about. One has come through the other side (after a stint in jail) and is now living a productive life. The other got clean (also through jail) but then lied to a doc when he was being treated for lymphoma and got put on an opiate painkiller. That got him re-hooked and now we barely know where he is. Should you get yourself clean (and I hope you do) remember that you fight the battle every day for life but that it is one worth winning.

Good luck.

 
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