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My wife, she's... overweight. (1 Viewer)
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shadyridr
Footballguy
sitting down and putting together a plan sounds like. an awesome idea. i think you handled this perfectly.So, yeah, tonight was rough.We've had a lot going on the past couple weeks so we haven't really had time to talk. I hadn't planned to tonight, but it sort of just happened on it's own.I don't really want to get into too many details, but she basically admitted tonight that she's disgusted with herself and doesn't like to put herself in positions where I can look at her. Like, in bed. Oof. She pretty much confirmed all the thoughts that I had with respect to her own self image and how it's affecting her. Emotionally, sexually, etc.I really tried to be supportive, and we talked briefly about a bunch of the ideas for how I could specifically help her. We're going to sit down tomorrow night after the kids go to bed and talk further.I wish the issue really was as easy as "just suck it up and do it!", like some people here think it is. Having someone you love cry in your arms might change your perspective.I need a.
Wrighteous Ray
Footballguy
Best of luck with everything. I'm really rooting for you guys. Please keep us posted.
It's great that you're trying to fix this now. I think a few years ago I would have posted something similar to you - "I really really love my wife. She's great in almost every way, except she's overweight … " Now our marriage has a lot more problems. Maybe if we had found a way to fix this a few years ago we'd be in a better place today, I don't know.
It's great that you're trying to fix this now. I think a few years ago I would have posted something similar to you - "I really really love my wife. She's great in almost every way, except she's overweight … " Now our marriage has a lot more problems. Maybe if we had found a way to fix this a few years ago we'd be in a better place today, I don't know.
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boots11234
Footballguy
Maybe it's the lighting but I'm sure in pic 4 I see her "toe".
Been a week since the conversation. I assume you were just saving the update for Friday. Well, it's Friday.
![[icon]](/data/avatars/m/5/5167.jpg?1660313464){kind=avatar}
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Insoxicated
She's hot no doubt but also looks to be in her early 20's. Give it time.... I'd be intersted to see her at 30 or 35. I suspect genetics will win out. Hope not though... she looks like she'd be fun to toss around a bit.
fsword
Footballguy
Don't go by image alone; ask if there is a family history of hyper-thyroid, etc...
Flying Spaghetti Monster
Footballguy
I think the MIL ate him.
I suppose in the spirit of what the FFA has become, you should make that a poll.
Al Czervik
Not wearing pants
BTW- who is the facebook photo in your Flickr account? 
belljr
Footballguy
I'm a little disturbed by the smiling picture of the nurse sitting in front of the coffin
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johnnycakes
Footballguy
You either have to do some research dating back to December 11, 2011, or ask sbonomo. He needed someone to post the pic, so I obliged. I forgot what it was all about.
johnnycakes
Footballguy
It's not like you can see the cadaver.I'm a little disturbed by the smiling picture of the nurse sitting in front of the coffin
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
It feels like no one follows the sage advice I dispense in these threads.
She is 2 weeks in to her latest weight loss "thing". This one is a year-long program w/ personal coaching, etc. They make weekly/monthly changes with the goal of changing one habit at a time.I.e. week 1 = start exercising every day, week 2 = start taking fish oil & vitamins, week 3 = ..., etc.It's not a "quick fix" type thing, which gives me hope that she'll stick with it, but I'm kind of sketchy on the whole thing.Around and around we go. Not sure how I'll react if this fails.
Wrighteous Ray
Footballguy
Good luck. Have there been any more conversations between you guys? Are you doing anything differently?
Thanks.Other than the conversation that ended in her crying, no real other in-depth conversations. The last month has been extremely busy around our house, and this isn't the only family issue/drama (extended family problems). So I've just continued to try to support her in this new program. I've tried to do some more around the house when I can to take some stress off her in the evenings, and she's done well getting up super early in the mornings to exercise every day.Sex life =
for lots of reasons
Ministry of Pain
Footballguy
I would continue to do a lot of the things around the house if she is busting her butt every morning to exercise. I don't have to spell it out here but if you want noogie, do a whole bunch of chores around the house and then have a nice dinner ready for her after a "workout"...draw her a bath, help her dry off, if that doesn't work we have a whole bunch more ideas but I would start with that.Thanks.Other than the conversation that ended in her crying, no real other in-depth conversations. The last month has been extremely busy around our house, and this isn't the only family issue/drama (extended family problems). So I've just continued to try to support her in this new program. I've tried to do some more around the house when I can to take some stress off her in the evenings, and she's done well getting up super early in the mornings to exercise every day.Sex life =
Wrighteous Ray
Footballguy
You don't actually read the threads you post in, do you?
Ministry of Pain
Footballguy
Who has that kind of time around here?
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
have you eliminated all soda and alcohol from the house yet?
mr roboto
Footballguy
I get the feeling from the tone of your post that you don't truly feel this is going to work any better than past attempts. You certainly don't seem excited that she's doing something, anything. Do you feel this is just a step she is taking to placate you rather than something she is really interested in doing for herself?
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
SigEp316
Footballguy
modogg
Footballguy
Be glad she started something, and all you can do is encourage her. I'm sure you both know there isn't much of a quick fix, and there will be bumps as you go along, but it's a marathon not a sprint and it will keep coming off. Committing to a 1-year deal seems like a good idea because they won't let you regress too much, and i imagine it helps to make the lifestyle changes, and not a diet. One thing that has helped a lot of people i know trim some pounds id the myfitnesspal app with the iphone. I know there is a thread about it, and there is a website too if you don't have the access to an app. I have found it real helpful to trim some pounds by simply keeping track of what you eat. It doesn't limit what you can eat, just caloric intake. So if she really loves something she can have it, just needs to make up the caloric difference through other meals. Either way, congrats on having the talk and good luck going through it. Hopefully she makes big gains the first month or 2 and it has her seeing some results and encourage her to stay with it. It is a great feeling when you do these things and your clothes get looser and you feel better. If she can get to this level, it will be much easier for her to stick with a program
mrip541
Footballguy
When I met my girlfriend she was 22, 5'2" and would have to shop in the kids section to find clothes that fit her. I could pick her up and carry her around like it was nothing. 8 years later... not so much. During that time I went from 5'10" 190 and all kinds of cut, to a fairly squishy 180. Time is a real downer. :(
She doesn't drink alcohol, and all we have for soda is some leftover organic non-sugar sodas she bought at the whole foods store.
Well, nothing has worked in the past. And she is almost always trying "something, anything". I'm certainly not planning the post weight loss party yet, but I have some hope she'll stick with this one for a while.This is not something to placate me. I am not badgering her to lose weight, or making her feel bad, or in any way denigrating her. I'm sure part of it is her wanting to look good for me, but she's not doing it just to show me that she's trying. She really wants to lose the weight.
sbonomo
Footballguy
that was the crazy chick next door.....she is not that great looking in person 4-5/10....she is very adventurous if you can find the thread.You either have to do some research dating back to December 11, 2011, or ask sbonomo. He needed someone to post the pic, so I obliged. I forgot what it was all about.
At least you're seeing the effort put forth. Not happening in my house, and that's a big downer. Effort = she cares enough to try even if it's very difficult.
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
sweet tea? kool aid? capri sun? energy drinks? what does she drink? my guess is that it's something that is a wasteful 300-800 calories a day. drinking nothing but water will make a difference. usually a surprising one.
She drinks unsweetened tea and water. There literally isn't anything else in the house for her to be drinking, so unless she's bringing home 64 oz big gulps during the day then she's being good. And I don't think she generally gets out of the house at lunch time, so I don't think that's it.'DA RAIDERS said:
Wrighteous Ray
Footballguy
You're never going to survive if you're getting this frustrated and involved. Whatever the reasons are for her gaining weight in the first place didn't magically go away. You'll make yourself miserable if you're second guessing all of her dietary and fitness choices.Casually asked if she's been staying away from drinking bad stuff during the day and the answer was. She's been getting regular sodas when she's been out and about.
Yes, numerous times. Tried anything and everything over the last 8 or so years, but nothing sticks. Same story as others in the thread. At this point, she's faced disappointment enough that the disappointment/shame associated with not succeeding is greater than her desire to improve. Outside of me leaving or a serious health issue, I don't see things changing. I recently appealed to her relative to our age and the likelihood that if things don't change now, they never will. And, this is the only shot at life we'll have; I'm tired of the status quo. I made a number of changes (exercise/diet) at the beginning of the year, have lost 30+ pounds. Hoped it would rub off (without any pressure or prodding from me), but no go. Oh well.
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
great web site with cool visualsbreak it down, 2 12oz sodas is around 300 calories. if shes looking to limit her caloric intake to 1500-1850 that's a huge percentage of her daily total.Casually asked if she's been staying away from drinking bad stuff during the day and the answer was
and i'm certain that there are a lot of uncounted snacks, drinks, etc in her day to day life. it's hard to see them unless one really looks.
good luck man.
SacramentoBob
Footballguy
How's she doing?
ProBowler88
Footballguy
The lack of time for a gym is a Bull#### excuse. You can get a great workout in each morning in about 20-30 mins (max) and using only a set of dumbells and your own body weight. The ruse that you have to go spend 2 hours at the gym to get in shape is bull####. Eat right and do pushups/situps and some dumbell exercises each morning and you'll shed the weight.You can't take the kids on the walk, too?Go to the park, and run after the kids.
As a single mom, it took me a while to lose the baby weight because I can't go to the gym (lack of baby sitter). I incorporated weight loss activities with my kid, even if it means pushing the stroller around the community.
20-30 minutes for 3-5 days a week is all it really takes. Just go for a walk to start off.I'd also recommend the OP to join his wife on the walks or join her in losing weight. It will be a lot easier for the both of you.
Update:
I would guess that anyone outside our house would look at me/us and just say how blessed we are. But really I'm not enjoying life right now. Of course we are busy because of the kids, and that's fine. I like having kids and all the craziness that entails. But the relationship with the wife is just not good right now. Not only has no real change happened in the weight department (and I'm not just talking the # of pounds lost, I'm talking effort), but we just generally don't get along. She has a really negative attitude towards everything, and it drives me crazy. She has no passion for anything and is rarely in a good mood. It's really depressing coming home from work sometimes.
Sorry, it's only Thursday.
I would guess that anyone outside our house would look at me/us and just say how blessed we are. But really I'm not enjoying life right now. Of course we are busy because of the kids, and that's fine. I like having kids and all the craziness that entails. But the relationship with the wife is just not good right now. Not only has no real change happened in the weight department (and I'm not just talking the # of pounds lost, I'm talking effort), but we just generally don't get along. She has a really negative attitude towards everything, and it drives me crazy. She has no passion for anything and is rarely in a good mood. It's really depressing coming home from work sometimes.
Sorry, it's only Thursday.
The Charlie Hustlers
Footballguy
Life is too short.
mightyeskimo
Footballguy
Dude, I've read this whole thread. It is now time to get some professional counseling for your wife.
Wrighteous Ray
Footballguy
Sorry to hear this. I've thought about this thread a bunch of times but didn't want to ask for an update because I suspected this. It's a tough road.
Gr00vus
Footballguy
Tell her she goes to therapy or you walk.
mr roboto
Footballguy
This. She's depressed. The weight gain and depression feed on each other (no pun intended). Poor nutrition and extra weight impact hormone levels, which impact mood. Depression can lead to poor nutrition. Rinse and repeat. That's just the biological causes. Then there's body image issues. With all due respect to the poster who said 'Life's too short' (I'm reading this to mean you should get out of the situation) screw that. That's a terribly selfish outlook. You committed for better or worse. You have an obligation to help her. Sure, divorce is an option. But you have to exhaust any and all other options.
