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Footballguy
Her text said she wouldn't be responding until tonight. My plan is to call after work, she has not texted me, Facebook says the last time she was on was very early Sunday morning (which means she had her phone on, very likely).
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Anarchy333
Footballguy
Been working for Uber. Surprisingly, makes me feel better about myself.
Not sure what's next for me ... eviction this week almost certain. Nowhere to live. I'm 52. Not going home to my parents.
May just get in my car and start driving west.
Was hoping my friend would lend me money to pay the rent. Proposed 20 percent interest but he won't do it. Pretty angry about it. Maybe that's something that's seriously wrong with me. If I had $3,010 and a friend needed $3,000 and I had a job that paid much better than average, I would gladly loan the $3,000 ... without interest ... even if it meant I had to give something up for a few months.
Not sure what's next for me ... eviction this week almost certain. Nowhere to live. I'm 52. Not going home to my parents.
May just get in my car and start driving west.
Was hoping my friend would lend me money to pay the rent. Proposed 20 percent interest but he won't do it. Pretty angry about it. Maybe that's something that's seriously wrong with me. If I had $3,010 and a friend needed $3,000 and I had a job that paid much better than average, I would gladly loan the $3,000 ... without interest ... even if it meant I had to give something up for a few months.
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fred_1_15301
Footballguy
Not knowing your friend's situation, it's hard for me to judge. He could be a family man with kids and not be willing to risk giving any of the money he's worked hard for. For a lot of people, 3,000 is nothing to sneeze at. Perhaps he also realizes that you're not willing to stop gambling and his loan will just perpetuate your addiction.
You have a job now. Use that to get back on your feet. Never rely on others.
shadyridr
Footballguy
does your friend know about your gambling addict gf?
El Floppo
Footballguy
really glad to hear about you feeling better
easier to advise from the outside, but try not to sweat your friend not lending you the money- outside of your control. plus, IIRC, loaning (or giving) money away is part of what's gotten you here in the first place, no? might be something to take with you, to take care of yourself first- especially in regards to money for now.
El Floppo
Footballguy
shadyridr
Footballguy
good way to go out
He's single. Has grandkids. He also is a poker player. I also told him he could write the check to the rental company if he was concerned I was going to take the $3,000 and lose it.Not knowing your friend's situation, it's hard for me to judge. He could be a family man with kids and not be willing to risk giving any of the money he's worked hard for. For a lot of people, 3,000 is nothing to sneeze at. Perhaps he also realizes that you're not willing to stop gambling and his loan will just perpetuate your addiction.
Yes. Ex-gf.
I am not a gambler. I am a poker player. There is a difference. I won't argue semantics, but there's a difference. Whether I have a gambling problem or not is also another matter.
As I said above, he can write the check to the rental company.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Friends and money don't mix. Mo
I definitely agree with that.
I've often thought my heart was too big and I am too kind and generous. I wouldn't change it, though.
Chaos Commish
Footballguy
Fwiw Bweiser, my boss was my best friend for almost 15 years. I was once in a bad financial spot and he knew about it. I didn't ask for a loan probably because he pre-empted the idea by telling me he cared too much about our friendship to loan me money. It was a sure way to ruin it and even if it didn't it would change it. He didn't want it to change. Fwd 15 years and he's still my best friend and his casa on Maui is my casa on Maui for a week every summer.
I really really really wanted him to float me five grand. I hated the explanation behind the pre-emptive rejection. I was wrong on both counts.
I really really really wanted him to float me five grand. I hated the explanation behind the pre-emptive rejection. I was wrong on both counts.
Chaos Commish
Footballguy
sports_fan
Footballguy
As someone who has moved to start over I have to say it doesn't change anything unless you fix the underlying issue. You can move all you want but you can't escape yourself. If you don't change your behavior you'll wind up in a similar situation regardless of where you're living.bweiser said:
You have a job and friends where you are now.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
Working/being productive does make people feel better about themselves, no matter what the work is. That's why you see many disabled people who may otherwise be able to get on welfare out there working. Helps them see they can do something, regardless of whatever mental/physical disability they may have.bweiser said:
You don't know for sure about eviction. Even IF you get the notice, you are given a couple months to do it, at least in CA you are given 30-60 days I believe. If you are in a rent controlled city, check out how eviction process there. My aunt had to go through evicting a tenant for lack of payment a few years back and it's a process. Took months because it went through the court. Or you could set up a payment plan with your landlord (?). If your place isn't owned by a corp, maybe.. Doesn't hurt to ask if you haven't already. Didn't go back and read your posts again so you may have tried this already.
As for can't live with your parents, in the end you may have to. Many people don't have any option to go to and do wound up on the streets, so there is that. It would be temporary to get you back on your feet, and you shouldn't take it as a reflection of you but more of a second chance at life.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
I'm sure no one here watches Young & Restless, but "Neil" played by Kristoff St. John and his ex wife were on ET tonight talking about their son's suicide. Their story is how a hospital f'd up and tried to cover up the fact they didn't watch him closely even though he was on suicide watch, having tried committing suicide just 2 weeks before. Some may find it a good read for whatever the reason so here's the link. I had tears myself.
http://www.etonline.com/news/165130_young_and_the_restless_star_kristoff_st_john_talks_lawsuit_against_mental_facility_over_son_julian_death/
http://www.etonline.com/news/165130_young_and_the_restless_star_kristoff_st_john_talks_lawsuit_against_mental_facility_over_son_julian_death/
haven't updated this in a while.
things are starting to get better. i did get evicted from the apartment (and lost all my possessions). i look at it as a chance to start over.
i left my apartment the day i was going to be evicted and drove to atlantic city. i knew i could spend a night there in a hotel for free, so i did that. unfortunately, it was memorial day weekend and i couldn't get any more comped rooms so i was, basically, homeless for a while.
i drove back to the philly area and texted a friend. he offered to let me stay at his place (short term) and i have been there ever since. honestly, if it wasn't for this person, i don't know where i'd be.
i drove for uber until a couple of weeks ago. the wear and tear on the car was a lot to deal with. i will probably resume driving for them again a couple of days a week again soon.
with the money i earned from uber, i paid off some debt and some bills. i had some left over and i was able to play some poker.
one of my main casinos is offering a freeroll every two weeks ago. i qualified for one and won about $500, which, combined with uber money, kept me playing poker and enabled me to make two car payments to get caught up on that, which was quite a relief.
and then, i got really lucky. i happened to be sitting at the table when the bad beat jackpot hit for $171,000. i got a little more than $10,000 BEFORE taxes, walked out with $8,000. after paying some debt and paying out to friends who i have exchanged pieces of the bad beat with.
so i now had $3,000 to restart my life with. i am still living with the friend, still playing poker as much as i can and hoping to rebuild my life with this gift.
it's off to a rocky start as i'm down $500, but i am confident it will turn around.
needless to say, the mood is improved. still some down times mentally, but it's better.
i have to get a health issue addressed, though, or none of it will matter. my lower back is totally messed up. when i sit in a chair and try to get up i have to almost freeze due to the pain. sometimes, i have to sit back down. the first couple of steps are difficult, but then it gets easier as i walk to the bathroom or wherever i am going.
i also have a pain in my thigh that may or may not be related.
a friend said its a muscle injury. i fear it is something more. hopefully, it won't be serious, but it's been around for at least two weeks so i have to find a way to get it looked at.
hope everyone else is enjoying their summer.
things are starting to get better. i did get evicted from the apartment (and lost all my possessions). i look at it as a chance to start over.
i left my apartment the day i was going to be evicted and drove to atlantic city. i knew i could spend a night there in a hotel for free, so i did that. unfortunately, it was memorial day weekend and i couldn't get any more comped rooms so i was, basically, homeless for a while.
i drove back to the philly area and texted a friend. he offered to let me stay at his place (short term) and i have been there ever since. honestly, if it wasn't for this person, i don't know where i'd be.
i drove for uber until a couple of weeks ago. the wear and tear on the car was a lot to deal with. i will probably resume driving for them again a couple of days a week again soon.
with the money i earned from uber, i paid off some debt and some bills. i had some left over and i was able to play some poker.
one of my main casinos is offering a freeroll every two weeks ago. i qualified for one and won about $500, which, combined with uber money, kept me playing poker and enabled me to make two car payments to get caught up on that, which was quite a relief.
and then, i got really lucky. i happened to be sitting at the table when the bad beat jackpot hit for $171,000. i got a little more than $10,000 BEFORE taxes, walked out with $8,000. after paying some debt and paying out to friends who i have exchanged pieces of the bad beat with.
so i now had $3,000 to restart my life with. i am still living with the friend, still playing poker as much as i can and hoping to rebuild my life with this gift.
it's off to a rocky start as i'm down $500, but i am confident it will turn around.
needless to say, the mood is improved. still some down times mentally, but it's better.
i have to get a health issue addressed, though, or none of it will matter. my lower back is totally messed up. when i sit in a chair and try to get up i have to almost freeze due to the pain. sometimes, i have to sit back down. the first couple of steps are difficult, but then it gets easier as i walk to the bathroom or wherever i am going.
i also have a pain in my thigh that may or may not be related.
a friend said its a muscle injury. i fear it is something more. hopefully, it won't be serious, but it's been around for at least two weeks so i have to find a way to get it looked at.
hope everyone else is enjoying their summer.
sports_fan
Footballguy
Good to hear from you bweiser. Glad things are looking better for you.
How long has your back been hurting? How have you been treating it as far as exercises, stretching, icing, etc?
How long has your back been hurting? How have you been treating it as far as exercises, stretching, icing, etc?
Smack Tripper
Footballguy
bweiser, congrats on the better fortune. If I could implore you of anything, however, it is to step away from the poker table for a while you continue growing your stability.
You'll probably play better from that kind of place too. You're a big boy and I'm not lecturing you man, you can make your own choices but I want to see things work for you.
You'll probably play better from that kind of place too. You're a big boy and I'm not lecturing you man, you can make your own choices but I want to see things work for you.
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I agree. I think a poker room is the last place you should be in at this point in your life. You got lucky hitting that bad beat jackpot. If I were in your shoes with $3,000 to my name (or $2,500 after losing $500 at poker....which is 1/6th of everything you have), I would do the following:
1. Find a job that will give you AT LEAST 40 hours a week and some sort of benefits. I don't care if it's minimum wage or slightly above minimum wage. It could be helping customers at a Home Depot or maybe working in the back at a Walmart. It doesn't matter. You shouldn't be picky. If you can find a better job suited to your previous career, great. The main focus here should be lots of hours and the ability to start ASAP. The benefits will help you with your back, obviously.
2. Find a cheap 1 bedroom efficiencty apartment, preferably close to your new job. It doesn't have to be fancy. The focus here is cheap and it's a roof over your head.
3. See #1. Work your butt off. Take overtime if it's available.
4. Build some cash reserves. People will debate on what amount is appropriate but for your situation, I think a couple months of rent would work for now. This way if things go south with the job, you can pick up a new one and have a little bit of cash to hold you over.
5. Stay out of the poker room for now. And if you do build some cash reserves as suggested in #4, don't go playing poker. I really don't care if you are a winning player in the long term. Even the best players go through bad streaks.
6. Do not loan anyone money. And vice versa, do not take on any loans from anyone or go into new debt.
7. Think about where you see yourself in 5 years. 10 years. What do you want to do for a living? Maybe consider going to back to school or pick up a trade that could be learned fairly quickly.
8. If, and this is a big if, you do all of the above and are in a great place with your stable 40 hour/week job, I suggest slowly building up your poker bankroll. Once this is a few grand or so, you can go play $1/2 NL but only on the weekends. Don't quit your job.
Good luck and....
STOP PLAYING POKER.
ILUVBEER99
Footballguy
good to hear things are going better bweiser, but completely agree with others. Having to rely on low limit poker to make a living has to be stressful as #### and not very healthy for the mind.
you'd probably make more money with a lot less stress taking any kind of job.
you'd probably make more money with a lot less stress taking any kind of job.
fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
Congrats, hope it's all going better. Agree with others on the poker, but you're an adult and need to make your own decisions.
fred_1_15301
Footballguy
Yeah it's obvious that you will never give up poker so good luck to you and hopefully bad part of variance doesn't hit you anytime soon.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
I worry about your poker thing. No matter how good you are, the ups always have their downs too. Wish you well bweiser but like others have said, take a step back and get yourself situated with what you've got rather than recycling it back in in hopes of winning. Even getting another job in some retail place is better and more secure than what you are doing with poker. Good luck and glad to hear you are doing well right now and having a nice summer. 
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Judge Smails
Footballguy
Just my 2 cents, and it's only based on my reading the last few pages. I could be missing a whole lot of critical info. But it appears you need to take a step back bweiser.
1) If you were 22 I'd say go for your dream. Plenty of time to course correct if it didn't work. At 52? Not so much. If you were really good at poker you wouldn't be broke and evicted. You can read a hand but obviously have issues with managing a bankroll.
2) with your basic necessities not covered you are playing with either a) scared money, or b) degenerate money. Neither works. Players can smell it. You're the fish.
3) Any chance your physical issues are caused by sitting all day playing poker?
Not easy to say. I'd rather say something rosier but I don't think that would help you. Best of luck.
1) If you were 22 I'd say go for your dream. Plenty of time to course correct if it didn't work. At 52? Not so much. If you were really good at poker you wouldn't be broke and evicted. You can read a hand but obviously have issues with managing a bankroll.
2) with your basic necessities not covered you are playing with either a) scared money, or b) degenerate money. Neither works. Players can smell it. You're the fish.
3) Any chance your physical issues are caused by sitting all day playing poker?
Not easy to say. I'd rather say something rosier but I don't think that would help you. Best of luck.
Jayrod
Footballguy
Just read the last couple of pages.
Bweiser, you likely have some sciatica going on. It is where something is wrong with your lower back or hip and it aggravates the sciatic nerve which runs all the way down your leg. It is often caused or aggravated by sitting for long periods of time. I'd advise you to get some exercise and work on your core strength. Also don't just eat crap food. Both of those things will help your mental struggles as well.
All that said, the main reason I popped in here is that I've been spiraling a bit over the last few months and had a couple of fleeting thoughts about how death wouldn't be a bad option. Wikkidpissah spent some time helping me a few months ago through PM's and I flaked out on him and haven't talked with anyone about myself since. Now I'm limping along and getting behind in a lot of ways.
And I can't do a reset. I have a wife and two kids and my MIL lives with us and we have a mortgage and bills to pay. There is no way out except to work through it and sometimes I'm afraid I just can't do it all. The worst part is that I know I have the aptitude. I'm more than capable of handling all that's on my plate, but I can't seem to make it go right consistently. I got reprimanded today for failing to follow trough on a task and I have a meeting with my boss to discuss how to fix my lack of follow through.
I've been on Citalopram (Celexa) for a few months now and while it keeps me more level emotionally, it doesn't help my lack of drive or focus.
Anyway, just a late night rambling. Not sure why, but felt like sharing.
glllll peas
Bweiser, you likely have some sciatica going on. It is where something is wrong with your lower back or hip and it aggravates the sciatic nerve which runs all the way down your leg. It is often caused or aggravated by sitting for long periods of time. I'd advise you to get some exercise and work on your core strength. Also don't just eat crap food. Both of those things will help your mental struggles as well.
All that said, the main reason I popped in here is that I've been spiraling a bit over the last few months and had a couple of fleeting thoughts about how death wouldn't be a bad option. Wikkidpissah spent some time helping me a few months ago through PM's and I flaked out on him and haven't talked with anyone about myself since. Now I'm limping along and getting behind in a lot of ways.
And I can't do a reset. I have a wife and two kids and my MIL lives with us and we have a mortgage and bills to pay. There is no way out except to work through it and sometimes I'm afraid I just can't do it all. The worst part is that I know I have the aptitude. I'm more than capable of handling all that's on my plate, but I can't seem to make it go right consistently. I got reprimanded today for failing to follow trough on a task and I have a meeting with my boss to discuss how to fix my lack of follow through.
I've been on Citalopram (Celexa) for a few months now and while it keeps me more level emotionally, it doesn't help my lack of drive or focus.
Anyway, just a late night rambling. Not sure why, but felt like sharing.
glllll peas
Smack Tripper
Footballguy
the scared money is exactly what I'm thinking.... I'm a hack player and I can sniff that out, I can only imagine a real shark in there...just no way to play....
Smack Tripper
Footballguy
sorry about your troubles jayrod...
motivation can be a challenge and sometimes maintainence is victory, so take solace and that and don't worry if you're not soaring with the eagles at the moment.
That said, a reset doesnt have to be a wholesale revolution, focus on one small thing per day, I don't care what it is. Walk a mile, cut down on coffee, read up on a second career or stocks for 15 minutes a day, spend a half hour with your kids, hang out with your wife. Whatever it is, make it mandatory and do it the same time each if possible. If you can stick to that for a month, I think you'll not only feel better but you may say, I want to add a second small thing to this routine.
I think we all benefit from structure and I know for myself, I don't do well drawing the lines but once the lines are there I can do marvelous things coloring them, inside and outside the lines. But I need the lines.
Feel free to check in or hit up WP but just talk to someone my man and if you are feeling really desperate, I would recommend a therapist just to get assessed
CurlyNight
Footballguy
You can't do it all. No one can really, let alone when you are struggling yourself. Is your boss flexible/a good one to modify your work temporarily? My boss did that for me once when I was melting down with all the stuff on my plate (at home and at work). It gave me the mental space to take care of myself. I took some time away from it all to get the reset and it worked. You have to take care of you first. If you don't have your health (physical/mental/emotional), you don't have anything. Seek help at work, a therapist, whatever. That should be your focus moreso now. Good luck. I'm always open for pms if you or anyone wants to.
cincredfan
Footballguy
Jayrod,
SSRI's (ie celexa) do not help with motivation. Ask your MD about a SNRI such as cymbalta, effexor, etc. The norepinephrine helps that.
They are more expensive and instead of being a $4/month med they would likely be $25/month cash. There are generics available and likely 1st tier if you have insurance.
johnnycakes
Footballguy
I take an SNRI. If you take one, you could have your #### together just like me! 
CurlyNight
Footballguy
I see "Effexor" and freak. My cousin was on this. She had THE worse side effects of em all, and she's tried many. Even though it was very slowly weaned down, she felt like she had the flu for so long. Nothing helped that feeling. It was a mess. So a big heads up on Effexor as everyone I know irl who have been on it have been through hell in weaning off of it.
Can't really tell from researching it whether it's a Sciatica or not causing my back problem.
No numbness and I am not convinced the leg pain is related.
Was going to see a chiropractor today, but needed a 45-minute appointment and she only had 15-minute blocks. I also am concerned about the costs with no insurance.
No numbness and I am not convinced the leg pain is related.
Was going to see a chiropractor today, but needed a 45-minute appointment and she only had 15-minute blocks. I also am concerned about the costs with no insurance.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
So on fft, there are a few people who have/had back problems who swear by Dr. John E. Sarno's books. One guy is completely healed from a back problem he had. Of course it may or may not work for you depending on the real source of the problem, but it's not expensive and not having insurance to get it checked, it may be worth it to give it a read:bweiser said:
http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Back-Pain-Mind-Body-Connection/dp/0446557684
toenail_23
Footballguy
Mr. Retukes
Footballguy
Why don't you have Obamacare?bweiser said:
CurlyNight
Footballguy
Zoloft is another one to be wary of. Cousin had only 4 50mg doses, 1 pill a day, and it was like she was having a seizure! Muscle twitches, electricity going through her head to toe, she thought she was dying. So did I frankly. 4 years later and she still feels electricity and heat on the right side of her body. We're convinced it's the Zoloft fiasco.While all meds can have terrible side effects, in my digging around I've found Effexor and Zoloft to top the ranks of hell of em all.
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toenail_23
Footballguy
I'm on 200mg of Zoloft and I get nothing like what you mention. It's been a savior for me.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
Glad to hear. Not saying it's bad for everyone, just from the reviews I've dug up over a long time on the big ones, Effexor and Zoloft got the worst ratings in terms of side effects.
i kind of have insurance, but haven't paid it in months. i guess i can make a payment at some point and get reinstated.
Johnnymac
Footballguy
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