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Suicide


johnjohn

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In response to Quez

Thats someones job to remove bodies. They werent forced in to their profession

BTW does anyone know how tp quote a post on mobile? I cant figure it out

Not if your the fisherman that is closest to the body. You end up having a life changing event that you will probably have nightmares about for the rest of your life. All because some selfish ##### couldn't deal with life.

That is absolutely ridiculous. Now people have to worry about their remains? How much more guilt must be piled on these peoples shoulders?

All I am saying is that if you are going to kill yourself then disappear into a forest and never return like they do in Japan. Don't park your car at the top of one of the biggest bridges in the country, causing hours of traffic delay, and make someone scoop up your body.

That way family and friends can be left in limbo for ever- or until someone finally stumbles over your corpse.

How very well thought out that is... :rolleyes:

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Boy, this is a tough topic for a forum like this where argument is business as usual. My wife's family has an albatross hanging over it due to this topic, so without any judgment of what humans are dealing with I guess I hope even 1 person will rethink believing there is no hope in tomorrow.

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In response to Quez

Thats someones job to remove bodies. They werent forced in to their profession

BTW does anyone know how tp quote a post on mobile? I cant figure it out

Not if your the fisherman that is closest to the body. You end up having a life changing event that you will probably have nightmares about for the rest of your life. All because some selfish ##### couldn't deal with life.

That is absolutely ridiculous. Now people have to worry about their remains? How much more guilt must be piled on these peoples shoulders?

All I am saying is that if you are going to kill yourself then disappear into a forest and never return like they do in Japan. Don't park your car at the top of one of the biggest bridges in the country, causing hours of traffic delay, and make someone scoop up your body.

That way family and friends can be left in limbo for ever- or until someone finally stumbles over your corpse.

How very well thought out that is... :rolleyes:

Excellent point

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Boy, this is a tough topic for a forum like this where argument is business as usual. My wife's family has an albatross hanging over it due to this topic, so without any judgment of what humans are dealing with I guess I hope even 1 person will rethink believing there is no hope in tomorrow.

:goodposting: which is why I related my story.. as bad as things looked in 1987, help was only a phone call a way. :thumbup:

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In response to Quez

Thats someones job to remove bodies. They werent forced in to their profession

BTW does anyone know how tp quote a post on mobile? I cant figure it out

Not if your the fisherman that is closest to the body. You end up having a life changing event that you will probably have nightmares about for the rest of your life. All because some selfish ##### couldn't deal with life.

That is absolutely ridiculous. Now people have to worry about their remains? How much more guilt must be piled on these peoples shoulders?

All I am saying is that if you are going to kill yourself then disappear into a forest and never return like they do in Japan. Don't park your car at the top of one of the biggest bridges in the country, causing hours of traffic delay, and make someone scoop up your body.

That way family and friends can be left in limbo for ever- or until someone finally stumbles over your corpse.

How very well thought out that is... :rolleyes:

Excellent point

Yes it is. 20 years ago my uncle disappeared. For 18 days we had no clue why, where, nothing. His wife of a year was 8 months pregnant, everything was going great in his life. Those 18 days were more agonizing than when they finally found his body inside his car. He had an accident, got knocked out, and during a bad mud slide, his car went into the flooding river and got stuck under a bridge where no one could see it. It wasn't until the flood waters went down that the car was spotted, and so the mystery of wtf happened to him was solved.

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In response to Quez

Thats someones job to remove bodies. They werent forced in to their profession

BTW does anyone know how tp quote a post on mobile? I cant figure it out

Not if your the fisherman that is closest to the body. You end up having a life changing event that you will probably have nightmares about for the rest of your life. All because some selfish ##### couldn't deal with life.

That is absolutely ridiculous. Now people have to worry about their remains? How much more guilt must be piled on these peoples shoulders?

All I am saying is that if you are going to kill yourself then disappear into a forest and never return like they do in Japan. Don't park your car at the top of one of the biggest bridges in the country, causing hours of traffic delay, and make someone scoop up your body.

That way family and friends can be left in limbo for ever- or until someone finally stumbles over your corpse.

How very well thought out that is... :rolleyes:

Excellent point

Yes it is. 20 years ago my uncle disappeared. For 18 days we had no clue why, where, nothing. His wife of a year was 8 months pregnant, everything was going great in his life. Those 18 days were more agonizing than when they finally found his body inside his car. He had an accident, got knocked out, and during a bad mud slide, his car went into the flooding river and got stuck under a bridge where no one could see it. It wasn't until the flood waters went down that the car was spotted, and so the mystery of wtf happened to him was solved.

Damn thats a terrible way to go

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In response to Quez

Thats someones job to remove bodies. They werent forced in to their profession

BTW does anyone know how tp quote a post on mobile? I cant figure it out

Not if your the fisherman that is closest to the body. You end up having a life changing event that you will probably have nightmares about for the rest of your life. All because some selfish ##### couldn't deal with life.

That is absolutely ridiculous. Now people have to worry about their remains? How much more guilt must be piled on these peoples shoulders?

All I am saying is that if you are going to kill yourself then disappear into a forest and never return like they do in Japan. Don't park your car at the top of one of the biggest bridges in the country, causing hours of traffic delay, and make someone scoop up your body.

That way family and friends can be left in limbo for ever- or until someone finally stumbles over your corpse.

How very well thought out that is... :rolleyes:

Excellent point

Yes it is. 20 years ago my uncle disappeared. For 18 days we had no clue why, where, nothing. His wife of a year was 8 months pregnant, everything was going great in his life. Those 18 days were more agonizing than when they finally found his body inside his car. He had an accident, got knocked out, and during a bad mud slide, his car went into the flooding river and got stuck under a bridge where no one could see it. It wasn't until the flood waters went down that the car was spotted, and so the mystery of wtf happened to him was solved.

Damn thats a terrible way to go

He had just turned his life around. He used to party like there is no tomorrow. He married, was about to have a family, and landed a good job. He was happy. He was 37 when he died. While it still pains us to this day like it did the day we found out, we are so much better off knowing what happened than had he just remained missing forever. You would never stop looking/asking what happened. At least we got closure when his body was found.

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I suggest those who are seriously seeking like minds to talk to to join this group:

http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=all_discussion_groups&Template=/Security/Login.cfm

NAMI is a great organization and you know what you say there you will get serious responses to.

I won some awards for a pro-bono creative campaign I did for them many moons ago. Pretty interesting program.

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Suicide, once it becomes a personally accepted fact is a wonderful opportunity to plan the greatest bank heist ever.

Then if you give the money to charity before you go are you still selfish?

To some probably, but I highly doubt the one pulling the trigger is thinking "Wow, I bet they call me selfish."

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The selfish ones are the living who judge insisting they know what it was like before that decision was made. The epitome of arrogance.

Because its just that easy to have a " can do" attitude and pull yourself up by your bootstraps

Almost everyone does it right? Isnt that how we achieved this utopia?

Edited by DSP
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I contemplated it a bit when I was at my lowest not too long ago. Main thing that kept it from being a serious thought was the idea of my son and daughter growing up without a father.

I've gotten things pulled together now....I have a stable job situation, a hobby I love and a good relationship with my wife. It took all of that and some medication to get me back to feeling normal.

Depression is the suck.

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My sister attempted suicide this year. Turns out it was her second attempt, first one failed a few months earlier and nobody found out about it. The way she did it felt very selfish, somewhere where my Mom would find her, with a high probability of my Mom being alone. Truth be told, there's still a lot of anger on my end. I'm doing my best not to burden her with my anger about the act itself, I realize that's best for me to deal with. I feel like right now, my expectations are she takes it seriously (and we've had talks about my expectations), but she doesn't seem to be doing so. She repeatedly talks about how everyone "overreacted" to her attempt, how it wasn't that big of a big deal, how everyone is "forcing" her to go to therapy, she's pulled herself out of several programs against doctor recommendations, she's lied to the family about what the doctors say, and she's actively drinking (not even attempting to hide it) despite warnings from her doctor, on her medication label and pleas from her family. She seems completely irrational when it comes to dealing with the consequences of the act. I greatly offended her when I wouldn't let her watch my kids for the weekend (an event that was pre-planned) less than 24 hours after she removed herself from inpatient therapy against her doctors wishes (and only a few days after the attempt).

We're at a spot where I just don't see this ending well and I find myself cautious about investing too much in the relationship for the sake of my children. I know removing myself and my children from her life won't set her down the right path, but sitting here while she tries to sweep everything under the rug, pretend like it never happened, while she continues to make the same bad life choices that lead her to suicide in the first place? That's not really working for me either. Seems like we've got several people here with some experience and maybe they can help offer some suggestions and/or a different perspective that'll help me get on the right track.

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My sister attempted suicide this year. Turns out it was her second attempt, first one failed a few months earlier and nobody found out about it. The way she did it felt very selfish, somewhere where my Mom would find her, with a high probability of my Mom being alone. Truth be told, there's still a lot of anger on my end. I'm doing my best not to burden her with my anger about the act itself, I realize that's best for me to deal with. I feel like right now, my expectations are she takes it seriously (and we've had talks about my expectations), but she doesn't seem to be doing so. She repeatedly talks about how everyone "overreacted" to her attempt, how it wasn't that big of a big deal, how everyone is "forcing" her to go to therapy, she's pulled herself out of several programs against doctor recommendations, she's lied to the family about what the doctors say, and she's actively drinking (not even attempting to hide it) despite warnings from her doctor, on her medication label and pleas from her family. She seems completely irrational when it comes to dealing with the consequences of the act. I greatly offended her when I wouldn't let her watch my kids for the weekend (an event that was pre-planned) less than 24 hours after she removed herself from inpatient therapy against her doctors wishes (and only a few days after the attempt).

We're at a spot where I just don't see this ending well and I find myself cautious about investing too much in the relationship for the sake of my children. I know removing myself and my children from her life won't set her down the right path, but sitting here while she tries to sweep everything under the rug, pretend like it never happened, while she continues to make the same bad life choices that lead her to suicide in the first place? That's not really working for me either. Seems like we've got several people here with some experience and maybe they can help offer some suggestions and/or a different perspective that'll help me get on the right track.

In this case you have to think of yourself and your kids. I'd tell her you are there for her and will help her to get the help she needs if she stays with it this time. Then you have to step away while still being supportive. If she wants to talk, let her talk. Don't pull completely away, but you have to keep your own sanity and your kids welfare first priority. I've had a family member with bipolar who was similar to this, refusing everything then putting the blame on us for not understanding. Since she's an adult, she signed herself out after 5150 was over and wound up basically homeless (of her own choosing by running away). She was on and off her meds along the way. Finally she had to make the choice: you are either going to be homeless or worse, die, or you are going to try and help yourself. Family was behind her but had to let her go and hit rock bottom. It was scary because of course she could have offed herself then you'd be left with the I should haves, but you did what you could and you can't sacrifice yourself and your kids for someone who is clearly not yet on any path of recovery. For some it takes a few miserable 5150 lockups to want to get better. For others they truly don't care and you may not be able to stop them from offing themselves.

Edited by CurlyNight
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I contemplated it a bit when I was at my lowest not too long ago. Main thing that kept it from being a serious thought was the idea of my son and daughter growing up without a father.

I've gotten things pulled together now....I have a stable job situation, a hobby I love and a good relationship with my wife. It took all of that and some medication to get me back to feeling normal.

Depression is the suck.

If I may ask, what hobby did you take up?

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The way she did it felt very selfish, somewhere where my Mom would find her, with a high probability of my Mom being alone.

And what way is this?

She locked herself in a place where only she and my Mom have keys and when my Mom goes there, she's by herself 95% of the time. Of all the places she could've chosen, this one was high visibility upon entry. It was almost as if it were chosen for maximum emotional trauma for my Mother, the only more traumatic thing she could've done was chosen another, more gruesome/messy, method.

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My sister attempted suicide this year. Turns out it was her second attempt, first one failed a few months earlier and nobody found out about it. The way she did it felt very selfish, somewhere where my Mom would find her, with a high probability of my Mom being alone. Truth be told, there's still a lot of anger on my end. I'm doing my best not to burden her with my anger about the act itself, I realize that's best for me to deal with. I feel like right now, my expectations are she takes it seriously (and we've had talks about my expectations), but she doesn't seem to be doing so. She repeatedly talks about how everyone "overreacted" to her attempt, how it wasn't that big of a big deal, how everyone is "forcing" her to go to therapy, she's pulled herself out of several programs against doctor recommendations, she's lied to the family about what the doctors say, and she's actively drinking (not even attempting to hide it) despite warnings from her doctor, on her medication label and pleas from her family. She seems completely irrational when it comes to dealing with the consequences of the act. I greatly offended her when I wouldn't let her watch my kids for the weekend (an event that was pre-planned) less than 24 hours after she removed herself from inpatient therapy against her doctors wishes (and only a few days after the attempt).

We're at a spot where I just don't see this ending well and I find myself cautious about investing too much in the relationship for the sake of my children. I know removing myself and my children from her life won't set her down the right path, but sitting here while she tries to sweep everything under the rug, pretend like it never happened, while she continues to make the same bad life choices that lead her to suicide in the first place? That's not really working for me either. Seems like we've got several people here with some experience and maybe they can help offer some suggestions and/or a different perspective that'll help me get on the right track.

In this case you have to think of yourself and your kids. I'd tell her you are there for her and will help her to get the help she needs if she stays with it this time. Then you have to step away while still being supportive. If she wants to talk, let her talk. Don't pull completely away, but you have to keep your own sanity and your kids welfare first priority. I've had a family member with bipolar who was similar to this, refusing everything then putting the blame on us for not understanding. Since she's an adult, she signed herself out after 5150 was over and wound up basically homeless (of her own choosing by running away). She was on and off her meds along the way. Finally she had to make the choice: you are either going to be homeless or worse, die, or you are going to try and help yourself. Family was behind her but had to let her go and hit rock bottom. It was scary because of course she could have offed herself then you'd be left with the I should haves, but you did what you could and you can't sacrifice yourself and your kids for someone who is clearly not yet on any path of recovery. For some it takes a few miserable 5150 lockups to want to get better. For others they truly don't care and you may not be able to stop them from offing themselves.

Thanks, I appreciate your perspective. It's kind of the road I've been leading myself down, that if she's not going to give this the seriousness the situation deserves that maybe she's got a little farther to fall before she's ready to deal with it. The fear, of course, is that we already almost lost her and if she falls further, what if she succeeds next time? My Mom and I have talked a lot about this, I think she's in the camp of we need to do whatever it takes to make her life easier, not harder. I feel like my sister is taking advantage of that and holding my Mom emotionally hostage (there was an argument about whether my mom would continue to support her monetarily if she continued drinking, my Mom backed down because my sister insisted she just wanted to be controlling and was stressing her out about money when she had enough to deal with and if she didn't have the monetary support she wouldn't be able to afford the therapy copays, etc.). My Mom is absolutely scared to think that any foot she puts down will be the cause of another event and she couldn't live with the stress of thinking she's the one who caused it. I'm concerned about that line, but I'm not accepting any responsibility or blame for my sister's actions (though I would expect future problems with my Mom if she views my actions as a catalyst).

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I had a buddy who was contemplating suicide about 10 years ago. It was for what he thought were selfless reasons. He was really struggling financially and wanted to set up his wife and kids with the insurance money. He wanted to make it look like an accident. Another friend of ours talked him out of it, thankfully.

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My sister attempted suicide this year. Turns out it was her second attempt, first one failed a few months earlier and nobody found out about it. The way she did it felt very selfish, somewhere where my Mom would find her, with a high probability of my Mom being alone. Truth be told, there's still a lot of anger on my end. I'm doing my best not to burden her with my anger about the act itself, I realize that's best for me to deal with. I feel like right now, my expectations are she takes it seriously (and we've had talks about my expectations), but she doesn't seem to be doing so. She repeatedly talks about how everyone "overreacted" to her attempt, how it wasn't that big of a big deal, how everyone is "forcing" her to go to therapy, she's pulled herself out of several programs against doctor recommendations, she's lied to the family about what the doctors say, and she's actively drinking (not even attempting to hide it) despite warnings from her doctor, on her medication label and pleas from her family. She seems completely irrational when it comes to dealing with the consequences of the act. I greatly offended her when I wouldn't let her watch my kids for the weekend (an event that was pre-planned) less than 24 hours after she removed herself from inpatient therapy against her doctors wishes (and only a few days after the attempt).

We're at a spot where I just don't see this ending well and I find myself cautious about investing too much in the relationship for the sake of my children. I know removing myself and my children from her life won't set her down the right path, but sitting here while she tries to sweep everything under the rug, pretend like it never happened, while she continues to make the same bad life choices that lead her to suicide in the first place? That's not really working for me either. Seems like we've got several people here with some experience and maybe they can help offer some suggestions and/or a different perspective that'll help me get on the right track.

In this case you have to think of yourself and your kids. I'd tell her you are there for her and will help her to get the help she needs if she stays with it this time. Then you have to step away while still being supportive. If she wants to talk, let her talk. Don't pull completely away, but you have to keep your own sanity and your kids welfare first priority. I've had a family member with bipolar who was similar to this, refusing everything then putting the blame on us for not understanding. Since she's an adult, she signed herself out after 5150 was over and wound up basically homeless (of her own choosing by running away). She was on and off her meds along the way. Finally she had to make the choice: you are either going to be homeless or worse, die, or you are going to try and help yourself. Family was behind her but had to let her go and hit rock bottom. It was scary because of course she could have offed herself then you'd be left with the I should haves, but you did what you could and you can't sacrifice yourself and your kids for someone who is clearly not yet on any path of recovery. For some it takes a few miserable 5150 lockups to want to get better. For others they truly don't care and you may not be able to stop them from offing themselves.

Thanks, I appreciate your perspective. It's kind of the road I've been leading myself down, that if she's not going to give this the seriousness the situation deserves that maybe she's got a little farther to fall before she's ready to deal with it. The fear, of course, is that we already almost lost her and if she falls further, what if she succeeds next time? My Mom and I have talked a lot about this, I think she's in the camp of we need to do whatever it takes to make her life easier, not harder. I feel like my sister is taking advantage of that and holding my Mom emotionally hostage (there was an argument about whether my mom would continue to support her monetarily if she continued drinking, my Mom backed down because my sister insisted she just wanted to be controlling and was stressing her out about money when she had enough to deal with and if she didn't have the monetary support she wouldn't be able to afford the therapy copays, etc.). My Mom is absolutely scared to think that any foot she puts down will be the cause of another event and she couldn't live with the stress of thinking she's the one who caused it. I'm concerned about that line, but I'm not accepting any responsibility or blame for my sister's actions (though I would expect future problems with my Mom if she views my actions as a catalyst).

Wow. Your poor mom.That's a terrible burden to be carrying. She is clearly being manipulated, and as a mom, it is harder on her than any other family member simply because she is mom. Your mom isn't the one who is causing anything nor has she caused where your sister is at now. I know she doesn't/won't feel that way, but it is your sister who is the cause of her own issues, especially not seeking and sticking to treatment and meds. You and I aren't going to really get your mom to understand this, so is your mom willing to talk to folks in the same boat as herself? Nami isn't just for patients but for family/friends as well. IMO she really should be in a group with folks facing the same issues, even if it's not going to solve the situation because it may not, your sister is going to do what she is going to do. Maybe if she wants to help her financially, she can make sure it's going to the right place by making the check out to the therapist and whatever treatment place she says she is going to. Your sister will cry about this and claim she doesn't trust her, and well she'll be right- but she can't claim your mom isn't trying to help her.

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I'll update after the Patriots-Colts game.

:lol: Also, why suicide. Homocide would make more sense. :doh::D

Depends on if I'm in a room full of Broncos fans next week.

49ers/Seahawks here. Oy. Gonna be a tough one for 49ers!

Maybe we can meet up in the Superbowl? Commit a homicide? ;)

I don't see how OP did not see this coming.

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I contemplated it a bit when I was at my lowest not too long ago. Main thing that kept it from being a serious thought was the idea of my son and daughter growing up without a father.

I've gotten things pulled together now....I have a stable job situation, a hobby I love and a good relationship with my wife. It took all of that and some medication to get me back to feeling normal.

Depression is the suck.

If I may ask, what hobby did you take up?

Football and basketball officiating. I've been doing it for 3 years now and it has given me a fresh set of goals and sense of accomplishment in life that I have never gotten out of my 9-5 job as an accountant. I have dreams of making a living at it somehow, but it isn't lucrative enough for that yet. Takes a few years of experience, plenty of improvement and some luck to even make it to the D-1 level of college, much less the pros.

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I had a buddy who was contemplating suicide about 10 years ago. It was for what he thought were selfless reasons. He was really struggling financially and wanted to set up his wife and kids with the insurance money. He wanted to make it look like an accident. Another friend of ours talked him out of it, thankfully.

This was where I was heading. When I would drive around town I remember actively looking for places that I could "lose control" of my vehicle and would be almost assured of dying.

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I contemplated it a bit when I was at my lowest not too long ago. Main thing that kept it from being a serious thought was the idea of my son and daughter growing up without a father.

I've gotten things pulled together now....I have a stable job situation, a hobby I love and a good relationship with my wife. It took all of that and some medication to get me back to feeling normal.

Depression is the suck.

If I may ask, what hobby did you take up?

Football and basketball officiating. I've been doing it for 3 years now and it has given me a fresh set of goals and sense of accomplishment in life that I have never gotten out of my 9-5 job as an accountant. I have dreams of making a living at it somehow, but it isn't lucrative enough for that yet. Takes a few years of experience, plenty of improvement and some luck to even make it to the D-1 level of college, much less the pros.

Being blind is a hobby?

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We're at a spot where I just don't see this ending well and I find myself cautious about investing too much in the relationship for the sake of my children. I know removing myself and my children from her life won't set her down the right path, but sitting here while she tries to sweep everything under the rug, pretend like it never happened, while she continues to make the same bad life choices that lead her to suicide in the first place? That's not really working for me either. Seems like we've got several people here with some experience and maybe they can help offer some suggestions and/or a different perspective that'll help me get on the right track.

I see where you're coming from, and maybe its best to keep the children away until you know she is stable, but you should definitely be there for your sister, even if you're risking pain for yourself.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I tried to commit suicide about a month ago. I took 35 10mg ambien, 55 .5 Klonopin pills and washed it down with 22 bears and a glass of scotch. I was found unresponsive and not breathing. Obviously I was saved and Im thankful for that. I have two great kids and thats what hurts me the most. Im thankful I have a 2nd chance. What I can tell this board is that depression, especially severe, is a #####. I was not thinking straight obviously, but at the time I didnt feel like it would be a big deal if I died. I have dealt with depression for basically my whole life. My mother committed suicide when I was 11 years old. I was not afforded any counseling whatsoever after she did that. It was 1975 and I guess the times were different. You cant go through something like that and not be severely affected by it. Anyway, thats my story to add.

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I have a family member who committed suicide. They have no idea of the trauma and turmoil that they leave behind.

Most selfish thing that you can do.

This is true however when you are in such pain, you don't care about that.. Which is why you should never let the suicidal person keep themselves isolated. People tend to pull away from people who are depressing and not take what they say seriously. In majority of the cases, you need to be listening to that person. I'm dealing with this in my fam too with my uncle who gets suicidal, who is also an alcoholic so it's harder to want to be around. But I know if we don't keep him a part of the fam that he will do it. He may do it anyway but I have no doubt we are at least keeping him up enough to where he still finds something in life worth living for right now.

Thank you for posting this. I have a friend who's made some cryptic statements in recent months and I just made plans to get dinner with him. I think your words are wise

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I tried to commit suicide about a month ago. I took 35 10mg ambien, 55 .5 Klonopin pills and washed it down with 22 bears and a glass of scotch. I was found unresponsive and not breathing. Obviously I was saved and Im thankful for that. I have two great kids and thats what hurts me the most. Im thankful I have a 2nd chance. What I can tell this board is that depression, especially severe, is a #####. I was not thinking straight obviously, but at the time I didnt feel like it would be a big deal if I died. I have dealt with depression for basically my whole life. My mother committed suicide when I was 11 years old. I was not afforded any counseling whatsoever after she did that. It was 1975 and I guess the times were different. You cant go through something like that and not be severely affected by it. Anyway, thats my story to add.

Glad you made it Johnny Mac.

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To those that consider it I have a story to share -

about 8 years ago I started experiencing panic attacks out of the blue. The first one I had, i thought I was dying of a heart attack. Well that was the precursor to a several month fight which drug me through hell and back. The anxiety led to mind racing which led to insomnia - but not normal insomnia, we are talking days on end insomnia. Every night, could not sleep - would lay down and never sleep. No appetitie and pounds were falling off. Went ot a doc and they coul dfind nothing wrong so they started experimenting with various slepeing agents...still nothing worked. Then they figured I must be bipolar so they put me on Lithium - still no effect. By this time it was literally no sleep and your mind starts playing tricks on you - wouldn't it be easy just to end the suffering by swerving into a median on the way to work? After a couple of thes types of thoughts I checked myself into the ER. They shot me up with Valium - telling my wife don't worry be gave him enough to knock out a rhino. They kept me for observation for a few hours and released me back home - but instead of sleeping for days I was wide awake again within 3 hours of arriving home. Then it seemed to even get worse because now not only was I not sleeping but I was panicking about not being able to sleep and I knew the body needed to sleep but mine wouldn't. So one Monday morning I packed a blanket and a pillow in the back of my car and grabbed all of the meds they had tried on me. I got a couple bottles of water to wash it all down and then drove to a secluded forest area twenty miles or so from town. I then proceeded to take every pill I had and waited to drift off into a sleep I would never wake up from.

Work called my wife asking where I was about noon that day - she called the police a little later and they came over to the house. Whne they got there they told her they wanted to check the garge but they didn't want her there. They thought I might have killed myself in the garage. People from work began searching for me in the local area, but I was nowhere to be found.

About 5 pm I come to my wake up from a stupor and realize what terrible choice I made. I am groggy but feeling no pain. I drive home to a panicked household. What followed was a brief n patinet stay in a psych ward where they realized I wasn't "crazy' and after severla days realized I had a condition called cyclothymia. It is a condition where cyclically you enter a manic state withoout the depressive state. Through the correct medication it was eventually manageable and now all these years later I am healthy and know the warning signs and how to control the condition.

Why do I tell this story? I am a good guy with a beautiful family a great job and a lot to live for. But, in the depths of my illness I thought ending it all was my only way out. Had I been successful I would have missed out on my oldest daughter graduating for high school and college, getitng her first job, getting engaged....I woul dhave misse dout on my oldest son graduating from high and going off to college. I would not have been there when by now 16 year old went throuhg a rough patch of anxiety disorder where I was able to help him through it with my experiences. I would have missed my 3rd son playing baseball and all of his accomplishments. I would have missed my youngest son growing into the fine young man he has become. I would have left my wife alone to raise our kids without a dad. And I would have missed out on the lives of all the other people thta come to find out I had touched in some way.

The point? Suicide is never the answer. It creates more problems than any it might "solve". Talk to someone. Get help. Don't think you are alone or what you are going through is some burden that no one else could bear. Find someone to help you bear it. Things get better.

Peace out.

Thank you for sharing this.

I believe a rather universally reported feature of those that would survive jumping off a bridge lets say (as featured in the documentary "The Bridge") universal snap regret upon doing the act.

I have not seriously entertained this since I was very young, 9th or 10th grade and I don't know how serious I was even then but having dealt with anxiety, it is so god awful terrible and LONELY and lacking in any outward markers, it's rough. I'm in a good place now, for now anyway, so I live each day, day to day.

Just want to praise and echo your words. Temporary problems don't need permanent solutions.

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I tried to commit suicide about a month ago. I took 35 10mg ambien, 55 .5 Klonopin pills and washed it down with 22 bears and a glass of scotch. I was found unresponsive and not breathing. Obviously I was saved and Im thankful for that. I have two great kids and thats what hurts me the most. Im thankful I have a 2nd chance. What I can tell this board is that depression, especially severe, is a #####. I was not thinking straight obviously, but at the time I didnt feel like it would be a big deal if I died. I have dealt with depression for basically my whole life. My mother committed suicide when I was 11 years old. I was not afforded any counseling whatsoever after she did that. It was 1975 and I guess the times were different. You cant go through something like that and not be severely affected by it. Anyway, thats my story to add.

Glad to hear they revived you.. :thumbup:

Has to be living hell to first live through what you did as a kid, and now to deal with what your mother was probably dealing with at her time.. Good luck to you!

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Before someone commits suicide they should youtube some videos of people who tried to kill themselves, spent some time in hell only to be recesitated. Needless to say they are no longer "unbelievers". I am sure the smug athiest will get a kick out of this post but its pretty compelling stuff.. Jus sayin....

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I tried to commit suicide about a month ago. I took 35 10mg ambien, 55 .5 Klonopin pills and washed it down with 22 bears and a glass of scotch. I was found unresponsive and not breathing. Obviously I was saved and Im thankful for that. I have two great kids and thats what hurts me the most. Im thankful I have a 2nd chance. What I can tell this board is that depression, especially severe, is a #####. I was not thinking straight obviously, but at the time I didnt feel like it would be a big deal if I died. I have dealt with depression for basically my whole life. My mother committed suicide when I was 11 years old. I was not afforded any counseling whatsoever after she did that. It was 1975 and I guess the times were different. You cant go through something like that and not be severely affected by it. Anyway, thats my story to add.

Glad you made it Johnny Mac.

Thank you !

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I tried to commit suicide about a month ago. I took 35 10mg ambien, 55 .5 Klonopin pills and washed it down with 22 bears and a glass of scotch. I was found unresponsive and not breathing. Obviously I was saved and Im thankful for that. I have two great kids and thats what hurts me the most. Im thankful I have a 2nd chance. What I can tell this board is that depression, especially severe, is a #####. I was not thinking straight obviously, but at the time I didnt feel like it would be a big deal if I died. I have dealt with depression for basically my whole life. My mother committed suicide when I was 11 years old. I was not afforded any counseling whatsoever after she did that. It was 1975 and I guess the times were different. You cant go through something like that and not be severely affected by it. Anyway, thats my story to add.

Glad to hear they revived you.. :thumbup:

Has to be living hell to first live through what you did as a kid, and now to deal with what your mother was probably dealing with at her time.. Good luck to you!

Well one thing I can say is that I have been to hell and its not a fun place. Yes, I do know that my mother must have been in that place too.

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Before someone commits suicide they should youtube some videos of people who tried to kill themselves, spent some time in hell only to be recesitated. Needless to say they are no longer "unbelievers". I am sure the smug athiest will get a kick out of this post but its pretty compelling stuff.. Jus sayin....

Im a smug atheist

Links please?

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I tried to commit suicide about a month ago. I took 35 10mg ambien, 55 .5 Klonopin pills and washed it down with 22 bears and a glass of scotch. I was found unresponsive and not breathing. Obviously I was saved and Im thankful for that. I have two great kids and thats what hurts me the most. Im thankful I have a 2nd chance. What I can tell this board is that depression, especially severe, is a #####. I was not thinking straight obviously, but at the time I didnt feel like it would be a big deal if I died. I have dealt with depression for basically my whole life. My mother committed suicide when I was 11 years old. I was not afforded any counseling whatsoever after she did that. It was 1975 and I guess the times were different. You cant go through something like that and not be severely affected by it. Anyway, thats my story to add.

You got a second chance for a reason. Depression is disease and its as tough as any other disease. And scarily, suicide often runs through families. I hope you get professional help and work hard at getting yourself healthy for your family. You were strong enough to survive, so your strong enough to beat this disease!

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I have a family member who committed suicide. They have no idea of the trauma and turmoil that they leave behind.

Most selfish thing that you can do.

This is true however when you are in such pain, you don't care about that.. Which is why you should never let the suicidal person keep themselves isolated. People tend to pull away from people who are depressing and not take what they say seriously. In majority of the cases, you need to be listening to that person. I'm dealing with this in my fam too with my uncle who gets suicidal, who is also an alcoholic so it's harder to want to be around. But I know if we don't keep him a part of the fam that he will do it. He may do it anyway but I have no doubt we are at least keeping him up enough to where he still finds something in life worth living for right now.

Thank you for posting this. I have a friend who's made some cryptic statements in recent months and I just made plans to get dinner with him. I think your words are wise

You're welcome. No matter what happens, you know you are reaching out when many who should most likely aren't seeing any sign of possible trouble. You seeing the sign early may help him not fall further, if that's the path he's on, by keeping close tabs on him. He may or may not be serious about suicide, but I'd opt to take it seriously and treat it as such. He is at least depressed enough to even allude to it. Even if you can't see him often, text or calling helps even if he gets to the point of isolating himself and doesn't answer, at the very least for him to know that he's not alone.

My bro still can't believe his friend offed himself the day after he called him and their other friend (who is head of the psychiatrist dept at UCLA) reporting how wonderful life is for him now. Last he was in touch with him was 6 weeks prior. He's now kicking himself for it being so long, even though he understands he most likely still would have offed himself. It's a terrible feeling for him and I hope the pain lessens soon for him and their friend. The passing of a friend is hard enough, let alone thinking you should have tried doing more in helping prevent a suicide. Chronic depression and anxiety is very painful and is a disease. For those suffering it truly is like a recovering alcoholic, the ole one day at at time or for many, a minute at a time- even if you are on meds. It's a silent one because many folks suffering are not going to admit it's serious or don't know or are in denial- especially men. It breaks my heart to hear people are so bad off that the only way out they see is to off themselves. So thank you for reaching out to your friend.

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I tried to commit suicide about a month ago. I took 35 10mg ambien, 55 .5 Klonopin pills and washed it down with 22 bears and a glass of scotch. I was found unresponsive and not breathing. Obviously I was saved and Im thankful for that. I have two great kids and thats what hurts me the most. Im thankful I have a 2nd chance. What I can tell this board is that depression, especially severe, is a #####. I was not thinking straight obviously, but at the time I didnt feel like it would be a big deal if I died. I have dealt with depression for basically my whole life. My mother committed suicide when I was 11 years old. I was not afforded any counseling whatsoever after she did that. It was 1975 and I guess the times were different. You cant go through something like that and not be severely affected by it. Anyway, thats my story to add.

Glad to hear you made it and are thankful for a second chance. Hoping you find the support you need to keep you strong one day at a time. God Bless.

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Before someone commits suicide they should youtube some videos of people who tried to kill themselves, spent some time in hell only to be recesitated. Needless to say they are no longer "unbelievers". I am sure the smug athiest will get a kick out of this post but its pretty compelling stuff.. Jus sayin....

Im a smug atheist

Links please?

Youtube is blocked at my work so i cant shoot you links. Just type in "near death experiences" or "heaven and hell" and you will get plenty interesting videos..

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I tried to commit suicide about a month ago. I took 35 10mg ambien, 55 .5 Klonopin pills and washed it down with 22 bears and a glass of scotch. I was found unresponsive and not breathing. Obviously I was saved and Im thankful for that. I have two great kids and thats what hurts me the most. Im thankful I have a 2nd chance. What I can tell this board is that depression, especially severe, is a #####. I was not thinking straight obviously, but at the time I didnt feel like it would be a big deal if I died. I have dealt with depression for basically my whole life. My mother committed suicide when I was 11 years old. I was not afforded any counseling whatsoever after she did that. It was 1975 and I guess the times were different. You cant go through something like that and not be severely affected by it. Anyway, thats my story to add.

Hey johnnymac, glad you are still around...And a :hifive: to a fellow survivor.

I am guessing you are getting therapy?

I will PM you with my info if you want to talk sometime

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