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GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing


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On 12/31/2020 at 4:44 PM, bostonfred said:

It all started last night with "I have a quick question" and just ended with the most surreal conversation of my adult life. 

The quick question was from my dad, hey do you know anything about Netflix? Yeah, I watch it all the time.  Just finished watching a show a few minutes ago actually.  You should check it out. 

Oh ok. Which one should I get, the classic or the premium or the... 

Wait, what are you looking at?  Are you getting dvds? 

I don't know why is netflix dvds?  

My dad is not technical.  At all.  This is important to the story. 

Some of you may have been thinking that I used a little too much hyperbole here. Sure, Fred, the most surreal conversation of your adult life was teaching your dad how to install Netflix? Pshaw. Oh no. That was just the appetizer. 

Phone rings the next day. My dad informs me that they've talked to Comcast and they're getting the new box.but he's sulky because he doesn't know what it does or how it works. I'm confused. Of course you don't know how it works, that's apparentky been your entire experience with technology since the mid eighties. How did this new DVR box from Comcast become the one thing you care about in a world of technology you had gladly eschewed since before cell phones existed to the point that you still don't even carry a flip phone?

She wouldn't let me talk to them. She's mad at me. Were fighting now.

(From the other room) that's not true, I'm not mad, he's the only one fighting. 

Me: hey cool so good luck with that. When you get your new box and remotes, let me know and I'll teach you how to use them.  

My mouth is speaking before my brain considers the ramifications. This will be a full day. Followed by more calls. How do I get back to the movie?  What was the name of the movie I was watching? What is SD, and why did it make me buy that movie twice.  This was no small offer I was making, and I am sure that it sounded vaguely like HEY WHEN YOU GET YOUR NEW BOZ AND REMOTES, LET me know and I'll oh no..

But while my spidey senses were tingling, I imagine it was like the real spider man seeing a school bus full of kids and seeing homer j simpson driving it and thinking, oh no, he's going to get into a car accident.  I mean, maaaybe... but that's probably not your biggest concern right now. 

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So Freddy, if I want to watch dirty movies on this, will people be able to see what I watched?  

Oh. Yes, I guess so. Like the Comcast people can tell but trust me they don't want to know what you're watching when you flip away from fox News for five to seven minutes.  

Well how much do they cost?

I don't know anymore. More than a regular movie I'm sure. Probably like ten bucks. I don't even know how much they have anymore it's all free on the internet. 

Wait it's free on the internet? 

Oh. No. I didn't mean literally free. Hey I have another call coming in i have to go.

How do you get it for free on the internet?

The trap is, um, laid. My dad, apparently, has not been. In a long while. There's zero chance he's leaving himself untouched when he's this close to the finish line. If i don't help him, I will be getting phone calls in a month asking for help because last time he opened his browser he got 500 popups for ED medicine and hot singles in his area, and this time he can't get them to come back.  If I help this poor, horny creature, I risk forever remembering him every time I think about taking some me time.  There are no good answers here. But I have to help.

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12 hours ago, bostonfred said:

So Freddy, if I want to watch dirty movies on this, will people be able to see what I watched?  

Oh. Yes, I guess so. Like the Comcast people can tell but trust me they don't want to know what you're watching when you flip away from fox News for five to seven minutes.  

Well how much do they cost?

I don't know anymore. More than a regular movie I'm sure. Probably like ten bucks. I don't even know how much they have anymore it's all free on the internet. 

Wait it's free on the internet? 

Oh. No. I didn't mean literally free. Hey I have another call coming in i have to go.

How do you get it for free on the internet?

The trap is, um, laid. My dad, apparently, has not been. In a long while. There's zero chance he's leaving himself untouched when he's this close to the finish line. If i don't help him, I will be getting phone calls in a month asking for help because last time he opened his browser he got 500 popups for ED medicine and hot singles in his area, and this time he can't get them to come back.  If I help this poor, horny creature, I risk forever remembering him every time I think about taking some me time.  There are no good answers here. But I have to help.

Reminds me of the time my moms husband* “accidentally” ordered porn when my mom was out of town
 

*step dad is weird because they starting dating when I was like 14 and didn’t get married until I was in my mid 20’s.   Never thought of him as a dad in any sense

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how are the creators of The Chase going to edit the show so that it's not so obvious that the psychopath is just plotting on how he can fillet and wear the skins of the contestants?

even in the taped, re-taped, re-taped and heavily edited promos he comes off as cold and lifeless. he can't even fake human emotion after hours of coaching.

 

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1 minute ago, mr. furley said:

how are the creators of The Chase going to edit the show so that it's not so obvious that the psychopath is just plotting on how he can fillet and wear the skins of the contestants?

even in the taped, re-taped, re-taped and heavily edited promos he comes off as cold and lifeless. he can't even fake human emotion after hours of coaching.

 

I feel like you're talking about one of us, but I can't quite parse it out.

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4 hours ago, Dan Lambskin said:

Found out my local dispensary delivers within a 30 mile radius on orders of $100 or more.  What a time to be alive

So interesting turn of events, they call me around 2:30 to let me know they’ll be there around 3:15.  Around 3:00 my wife tells me  her chest feels heavy and she can’t breathe.  She’s had panic attacks before (infrequently) but we don’t take any chances and call 911

delivery girl shows up and and hurry up and pay her just as the ambulance pulls up.  I’m holding a big white paper bag when I let them in

They run some tests and determine it’s most likely just panic/anxiety attack.  While they’re wrapping up the guy asks what kind of food I got delivered.  Not really wanting to tell the paramedics I just got a huge bag of edibles delivered I just said “oh um, that’s not food”

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4 hours ago, Dan Lambskin said:

Found out my local dispensary delivers within a 30 mile radius on orders of $100 or more.  What a time to be alive

I had this in the 80s- his name was Chief. Also delivered, but you'd have to get in his rental car on the corner and go for a ride around the block to make the purchase. He also didn't take credit cards. Or my insurance.

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55 minutes ago, Dan Lambskin said:

My kids may have overheard me telling an old tale about Richard Gere and gerbils and now they keep bringing it up and singing “I’ve got gerbils up my butt”

I'd hold off on the Bowie and Jagger story.

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55 minutes ago, DA RAIDERS said:

For reals?

You guys may want to actually click the link in Furls's post (or not.  I mean, I CANT IMAGINE I'd blame you).

Unless FBG Chet had also been whizzed on by a bunch of wanna be Navy SEALS as a teenager, he's not talking about that Chet.

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12 minutes ago, 5-ish Finkle said:

You guys may want to actually click the link in Furls's post (or not.  I mean, I CANT IMAGINE I'd blame you).

Unless FBG Chet had also been whizzed on by a bunch of wanna be Navy SEALS as a teenager, he's not talking about that Chet.

Why would we?  His wife is the worst.

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Nothing worse than flipping channels and fast times is on and you happen to flip to it right in time for "the scene" and then find out this movie channel doesn't show nudity....wtf 

Yes I know the internet exists

 

 

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My mom was clearing out some stuff at home and found video tape of her surprise 60th birthday (25 years ago)...had my brother digitize and upload it for me.

So many people on there who are all gone, not least of which was my dad. I was thinking of him recently while looking at picture in floppinhos room...specifically that I couldn't remember what he sounded like. that realization hit me square in the gut. Can't tell you how much I've been bawling since seeing and hearing that video tape.

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Best thing about the pandemic is that I learned that a liquor store about 40 minutes from my house will deliver with a $5 fee.  Restocking my entire bar tomorrow without leaving the house.  Also having some edibles delivered.  I really enjoy being a shut-in.  

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On 1/6/2021 at 12:33 PM, El Floppo said:

It was an interesting pitch, but I finally got my the Documentary about my life picked up.

Funny, I was coming here to comment about this show.

I know by the world’s standards we’re prudes here in the US, but if it means we don’t get children’s shows like this, I think I’m ok with that. This is just really really weird.

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2 minutes ago, the rover said:

Caillou has been cancelled.  Parents of young children rejoice.  My daughter watched that show 12 years ago and I can still hear his whine.

Doo doo de doot de doo, doo da dee doot de doo, caiiiillou.

I don't know what you're talking about.

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36 minutes ago, the rover said:

Caillou has been cancelled.  Parents of young children rejoice.  My daughter watched that show 12 years ago and I can still hear his whine.

Hated that little ####er.  Might be the worst character ever created in any medium

there was one where he was squawking like a bird or something...excruciating 

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15 minutes ago, Dan Lambskin said:

Hated that little ####er.  Might be the worst character ever created in any medium

there was one where he was squawking like a bird or something...excruciating 

Canada gave us Caillou and Geddy Lee.  Is there something wrong with Canadians that they think this is how people’s voices should sound?

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5 hours ago, GroveDiesel said:

Funny, I was coming here to comment about this show.

I know by the world’s standards we’re prudes here in the US, but if it means we don’t get children’s shows like this, I think I’m ok with that. This is just really really weird.

Then how will our kids learn important lessons?

"He takes responsibility for his actions. When a woman in the show tells him that he should keep his penis in his pants, for instance, he listens. Which is nice. He is accountable.”

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59 minutes ago, UOFI_316 said:

Then how will our kids learn important lessons?

"He takes responsibility for his actions. When a woman in the show tells him that he should keep his penis in his pants, for instance, he listens. Which is nice. He is accountable.”

Plus he steals ice cream from kids. With his penis.

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4 hours ago, the rover said:

Caillou has been cancelled.  Parents of young children rejoice.  My daughter watched that show 12 years ago and I can still hear his whine.

When my kids want to get under each other’s skin and throw the ultimate burn they call their sibling Caillou.

Drives the recipient insane. I love it.

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Just now, ChiefD said:

When my kids want to get under each other’s skin and throw the ultimate burn they call their sibling Caillou.

Drives the recipient insane. I love it.

Washed out MF legend. Bald ####er. Sure.

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12 minutes ago, ChiefD said:

When my kids want to get under each other’s skin and throw the ultimate burn they call their sibling Caillou.

Drives the recipient insane. I love it.

Callilou is the worst of what this new country is about ...good for them. 

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4 hours ago, the rover said:

Caillou has been cancelled.  Parents of young children rejoice.  My daughter watched that show 12 years ago and I can still hear his whine.

I hope Da Guru ran over max and ruby also

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10 hours ago, belljr said:

I hope Da Guru ran over max and ruby also

Ruby was such a little C-word.  I mean I know Max was kind of a #####, but she never let him do anything.  “No Max...you can’t (insert fun activity for small children).   “. But it just have been tough being abandoned by your parents and only having your grandma stop by occasionally to check on you

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8 hours ago, OrtonToOlsen said:

Yes?

I mean if you enjoy a good hate watch try to at least get through the intro.  I think there’s a few episodes with a creepy neighbor who’s an obvious diddler too

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