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GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing (17 Viewers)

-fish- said:
Amazon had a special for an Amazon Dash--a button that re-orders a particular product through prime whenever you press it.   They offered one for $4.99, but it came with $4.99 off your first order.   Due to my astounding ability at teh maths, I realized this was free to try, so thought about what product I would be running out of that I'm too lazy or inconvenienced to go the store and get.  They don't have a button for bourbon or hookers, so I went with toilet paper.  Next time I get to the last roll, I just hit a button and wa la, a bunch of toilet paper shows up at my door two days later.  Genius.
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This sounds like something that could go horribly wrong around kids. Or drunk friends. Or scorned women. Or drunk scorned women.

 
A little over a year ago my now husband and I were prepping for a move and needed to take a handful of garbage bags to the dumpster in our apartment community. We patted each of our dogs (a 7 year old mini schnauzer and a 16 year old rat terrier, 2 small dogs, this is very important later on) on the head and headed out. Less than 5 minutes later we come back, both of the dogs meeting us at the door with wagging tails and big smiles.

All seems perfect until we round the corner into the dining room...

One of the dogs shat clear up two walls, about 4 and a half feet up across about 6 feet wide worth of wall. I was laughing too hard to clean it up, the husband saved the day and cleaned it up.

But with such force and distance, we can only imagine the absolutely gutwrenching noise that dog (still not sure which one) had to have made made when it did it's... Big business..

We were seriously only gone 5 minutes...

We now refer to it as The Poopening of 2015.
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-fish- said:
Got a long email from my kid's school that there is now a kid with severe allergies to apparently most edible substances on the planet.  We now have a huge list of foods that will apparently kill this child if another kid has come within the distance of a Tim Tebow throw of them.  This is private school.  Why do 600 families need to change their children's diets to accommodate this nonsense?  Can't the 1 kid just come to school in a hazmat suit or something?  This school already has a segregated nut-free section of the cafeteria.
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all the cool boys have taken over the nut free table at my daughters school.  some parents had their panties in a wad over it,  i found it hysterical

 
you know what's neat?  when your wife takes her car back to the mechanic that tried to screw her over last time because "they have good service and good prices".

then you ask if she remembers that the first time she went there, they called her 30 minutes before closing and said "yeah, your car is done but we're going to charge you $290 more than the written estimate despite doing nothing additional that isn't included in the estimate... and if you aren't here to pay before close (on a Friday) we're keeping your car and calling the cops to tell them you tried to drive off without paying in full."

then you remind her that she called you crying hysterically, begging for you to do something, and you drove to her office to pick her up, drove to the mechanic and.. at first calmly.. then explosively explained to them that they were going to turn over her car at the quoted price or you were going to go berserk and trash their place all while she was crying... hysterically and telling you she couldn't believe they were doing this to to her and she was never ever ever coming back....

when you remind her of these  things and ask why she would give them her business again.....................................YOU'RE THE #######. that's neat. marriage is neat, kids. everyone should do it at least once.

 
-fish- said:
Got a long email from my kid's school that there is now a kid with severe allergies to apparently most edible substances on the planet.  We now have a huge list of foods that will apparently kill this child if another kid has come within the distance of a Tim Tebow throw of them.  This is private school.  Why do 600 families need to change their children's diets to accommodate this nonsense?  Can't the 1 kid just come to school in a hazmat suit or something?  This school already has a segregated nut-free section of the cafeteria.
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:bvfwih:

 
mr. furley said:
you know what's neat?  when your wife takes her car back to the mechanic that tried to screw her over last time because "they have good service and good prices".

then you ask if she remembers that the first time she went there, they called her 30 minutes before closing and said "yeah, your car is done but we're going to charge you $290 more than the written estimate despite doing nothing additional that isn't included in the estimate... and if you aren't here to pay before close (on a Friday) we're keeping your car and calling the cops to tell them you tried to drive off without paying in full."

then you remind her that she called you crying hysterically, begging for you to do something, and you drove to her office to pick her up, drove to the mechanic and.. at first calmly.. then explosively explained to them that they were going to turn over her car at the quoted price or you were going to go berserk and trash their place all while she was crying... hysterically and telling you she couldn't believe they were doing this to to her and she was never ever ever coming back....

when you remind her of these  things and ask why she would give them her business again.....................................YOU'RE THE #######. that's neat. marriage is neat, kids. everyone should do it at least once.
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pretty sure she's got a point there, gb.

 
El Floppo said:
pretty sure she's got a point there, gb.
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i know. as a married man i should know to just put my head down, do as i'm told and never question even the stupidest decisions but as a living, breathing, somewhat, sort of, maybe intelligent being i just can't do that.

especially when i know that the poor decisions made by someone else are going to result in me having to deal with the fallout.

 
mr. furley said:
you know what's neat?  when your wife takes her car back to the mechanic that tried to screw her over last time because "they have good service and good prices".

then you ask if she remembers that the first time she went there, they called her 30 minutes before closing and said "yeah, your car is done but we're going to charge you $290 more than the written estimate despite doing nothing additional that isn't included in the estimate... and if you aren't here to pay before close (on a Friday) we're keeping your car and calling the cops to tell them you tried to drive off without paying in full."

then you remind her that she called you crying hysterically, begging for you to do something, and you drove to her office to pick her up, drove to the mechanic and.. at first calmly.. then explosively explained to them that they were going to turn over her car at the quoted price or you were going to go berserk and trash their place all while she was crying... hysterically and telling you she couldn't believe they were doing this to to her and she was never ever ever coming back....

when you remind her of these  things and ask why she would give them her business again.....................................YOU'RE THE #######. that's neat. marriage is neat, kids. everyone should do it at least once.
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Or twice!

 
TB - Did you read Canzano (local columnist, awful radio show host) today?  Curious if Tre or Frost know the guy he's talking about below:
 

Andersen is the right coach. That I'm sure of. Also, Garretson looks capable of leading that charge. He was 25 of 40 for 228 yards and three touchdowns. He made a couple of brilliant throws. Except, he's not going to lead the Beavers anywhere while being blindsided by pass rushers who ran untouched toward him. Collins, who had 57 receiving yards, looks capable, too, of being the kind of talent who breaks open a game. Nall, too. Jordan Villamin as well. Except, how are any of those guys going to catch passes and collect ovations when Garretson is on the ground looking out the earhole of his helmet?

Answer: They aren't.

The whole thing was compounded on Thursday night by a bearded Minnesota fan in a bright gold T-shirt who spent his evening drinking Miller Lite and screaming insults. He sat above the team, immediately behind the Beavers bench, and shouted things such as, "When they scheduled this game, you guys knew you weren't good enough!!" And, "This loss is your fault!! You guys know you suck!!"

The guy was like Oregon State's deep-rooted subconscious, hurling verbal insecurities at the backs of the Beavers heads. To their credit, they never turned around and acknowledged his existence. But they had to hear him. He was incessant and loud. The Beavers offensive lineman sat in front of him at the end of the game, their eyes staring at their shoe tops. I wondered how much they'd like to climb into the stands and feed him their shoulder pads. I wondered how much they'd love to shut up everyone who still believes Oregon State football is the equivalent of a 98-pound weakling.
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:lmao:

Brings to mind the "boooooooooooooooooooooooo, liar, booooooooooooooooooooooo, you suck, boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"

 
mr. furley said:
you know what's neat?  when your wife takes her car back to the mechanic that tried to screw her over last time because "they have good service and good prices".

then you ask if she remembers that the first time she went there, they called her 30 minutes before closing and said "yeah, your car is done but we're going to charge you $290 more than the written estimate despite doing nothing additional that isn't included in the estimate... and if you aren't here to pay before close (on a Friday) we're keeping your car and calling the cops to tell them you tried to drive off without paying in full."

then you remind her that she called you crying hysterically, begging for you to do something, and you drove to her office to pick her up, drove to the mechanic and.. at first calmly.. then explosively explained to them that they were going to turn over her car at the quoted price or you were going to go berserk and trash their place all while she was crying... hysterically and telling you she couldn't believe they were doing this to to her and she was never ever ever coming back....

when you remind her of these  things and ask why she would give them her business again.....................................YOU'RE THE #######. that's neat. marriage is neat, kids. everyone should do it at least once.
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It'd probably end in divorce, but there is no way I'd bail her out again if they attempt to screw her over again 

 
It sucks being paranoid every time I get a pain in my upper back. It's like someone shoved a softball between my shoulder blades. I'm not due for a check up for several months and I think this is just some weird muscle ache, but I made the call to get a new Polaroid.

Back to the important ####, I want to live in a world that accepts both ketchup AND mustard. 

Bread and butter pickles forever, you Philistines

 
Uruk-Hai said:
It sucks being paranoid every time I get a pain in my upper back. It's like someone shoved a softball between my shoulder blades. I'm not due for a check up for several months and I think this is just some weird muscle ache, but I made the call to get a new Polaroid.

Back to the important ####, I want to live in a world that accepts both ketchup AND mustard. 

Bread and butter pickles forever, you Philistines
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this whole post sucks.

not you though GB, F cancer.  

just found out that my wonderful sister in law has breast cancer.  no details yet, as we aren't supposed to know.  2 kids.  #### cancer right the ###.

 
DA RAIDERS said:
this whole post sucks.

not you though GB, F cancer.  

just found out that my wonderful sister in law has breast cancer.  no details yet, as we aren't supposed to know.  2 kids.  #### cancer right the ###.
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Have you guys ever heard someone say "it feels like I have a 'cold' in between my shoulders"? It's like a knot. I've had these periodically my entire life but the damned tumor felt the same way and I ignored it way too long.

In any case, Jesse, I'm throwing every positive song I know your SIL's way. 

 
Uruk-Hai said:
It sucks being paranoid every time I get a pain in my upper back. It's like someone shoved a softball between my shoulder blades. I'm not due for a check up for several months and I think this is just some weird muscle ache, but I made the call to get a new Polaroid.

Back to the important ####, I want to live in a world that accepts both ketchup AND mustard. 

Bread and butter pickles forever, you Philistines




 
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I too wish the ketchup and mustard sides would try and live together - also along with small diced onions and shredded cheese and live on bratwurst island forever.

I hate bread and butter pickles - but love candied jalapenos.

 
GREAT NEWS!

the horrible groaning, the thunderous knock when you turn and the grinding sound when rounding corners..... totally nothing wrong with the car. "must be the humidity" the guy says.

:deadbanana:

looks like dad is driving the kids everywhere until an axle snaps on the wife's car while she's doing 130 on her morning commute.

 
mr. furley said:
GREAT NEWS!

the horrible groaning, the thunderous knock when you turn and the grinding sound when rounding corners..... totally nothing wrong with the car. "must be the humidity" the guy says.

:deadbanana:

looks like dad is driving the kids everywhere until an axle snaps on the wife's car while she's doing 130 on her morning commute.
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I'm sure there are a ton of married guys who would be willing to buy this car for their wives.

 
What's everybody's favorite type of clown? 

Auguste

Blackface

Bouffon

Buffoon

Harlequin

Jester

Mime artist

Pierrot

Pirouette

Pueblo

Rodeo clown

Sacred

Tramp

Whiteface

 
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