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31 minutes ago, kevzilla said:

The hot-takeverse is gonna explode with "What's wrong with Rodgers" theories tomorrow. I'm going to patrol the Strip instead. 

Tomorrow? You must not be on the tweeters tonight. Oh wait, you're in Vegas and @ midnight isn't on tonight 

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HELLO FROM REHAB!!!!   Not sure if anything's been shared but Sunday dinner at my parents' a couple weeks ago was in fact an elaborate ruse to stage an intervention.  Actually it wasn't very

Everybody take a minute tonight (or today) to raise a glass to HeckDad.  My sister just called to tell me that he passed away at home.  Don't have details other than he fell, but he was 94 with a bad

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10 hours ago, mr. furley said:

you know what's neat? when your wife goes off on the kids about "never picking up" after themselves... then you graciously point out the 11 things she has left out throughout the day, just today, and she storms off in a huff mad at you for being a jerk and "undermining" her.

because the LEGO's that the kids left on their table is an egregious offense that left unchecked will lead to utter ruin

but the head of lettuce, open mayo, loaf of bread, 2 half finished Diet Pepsi's and circular saw that you left out where you last touched them.... totally not a problem at all.

I'M setting a bad example by "undermining her" and she's "being a good parent and making sure they know they have to follow rules!"

 

:loco:

 

eta: i forgot, rules only apply to kids. they learn them from parents who don't have to set an example if they don't want to.. unless they're a husband then the rules apply to them and they have to set a good example by following them strictly.

Never contradict a mom in front of kids. 

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2 hours ago, Leeroy Jenkins said:

 

13 hours ago, mr. furley said:

you know what's neat? when your wife goes off on the kids about "never picking up" after themselves... then you graciously point out the 11 things she has left out throughout the day, just today, and she storms off in a huff mad at you for being a jerk and "undermining" her.

because the LEGO's that the kids left on their table is an egregious offense that left unchecked will lead to utter ruin

but the head of lettuce, open mayo, loaf of bread, 2 half finished Diet Pepsi's and circular saw that you left out where you last touched them.... totally not a problem at all.

I'M setting a bad example by "undermining her" and she's "being a good parent and making sure they know they have to follow rules!"

 

:loco:

 

eta: i forgot, rules only apply to kids. they learn them from parents who don't have to set an example if they don't want to.. unless they're a husband then the rules apply to them and they have to set a good example by following them strictly.

Never contradict a mom in front of kids. 

 

you're both far, far too right.

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I get work emails daily from all kinds of vendors peddling their crap and I have to spend a little time going through them to keep current. 

 

the person who puts together the weekly email from a stoneyard we use, starts every email- for her place of business- with a facebook type personal update, usually several paragraphs long. Bamboo has taken over my backyard! My oldest just went to college! Who wants to buy a food truck!? (I sent that one to mcgasshammer)

I haven't gotten to today's yet, past the subject title: Burritos

for the first time in months- I can't wait to read this. I really hope it's a secret message from studs.

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15 hours ago, Rustoleum said:

That must be one hell of a sandwich .

If I came home and found a circular saw (or the lawn mower)  out, I'd have to check the closets and under the beds for the dude they belonged to.

cool story on that.

we have a bathroom closet that's laden with various goods. shampoo, soap, towels, medicines, etc. there are.... 5? shelves.  she got it in her head that one of them didn't fit properly. it was "too long" or something.

she fancies herself quite the handywoman.. and in fairness she's pretty good when she actually does the work.

so she decided to take out the saw and shave some length off the "too long" shelf. 

i'd never noticed that the shelf (which is loaded with 50 lbs of random ####) was "too long".. and football was on.. i'm not about to intervene with questions over something like this. i know it's a lost cause.

next thing i know she's moaning and groaning that the shelf is too short......... and everything that was on the shelf is now strewn about the bathroom until such time as she can go to the store to buy one of those free-standing, all too weak, "metal" shelving units from Target that will be forced in to the middle of our already too small bathroom.

 

did i note that she's also the type of person to start something, finish about 30% of it, quit and then flip the hell out if someone else tries to finish the job? 

 

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13 hours ago, Sconch said:

OH MY GOD.  WHAT IF THE PACKERS ONLY SCORED ONE OFFENSIVE TOUCHDOWN?  CAN YOU IMAGINE?  AND WHAT IF THE GB DEFENSE LET A GUY WHO HAS ONLY BEEN WITH HIS TEAM FOR TWO WEEKS BEAT THEM?  WOULDNT THAT BE CRAZY?  AND WHAT IF THEY LET A SPASTIC 5 YEAR OLD BLOW THAT ARRROOOOOO HORN ANYTIME HE FELT LIKE IT?  VIKING FIRST DOWN?  ARRROOOOOO!   4 YARD GAIN?  ARRROOOOOO!  MIKE ZIMMER SCRATCHES HIS BALLS?  ARRRROOOOOO!  WOULDNT THAT BE WILD?  CAN YOU IMAGINE?

:deadbanana: so far, no NFL hot takes today thank ####

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14 hours ago, Sconch said:

wow, that was........... embarrassing.

that fat lady has no business throwing a punch. not when it looks like that. 

 

 

eta: hell, none of those people have any business fighting if it's gonna look like that

Edited by mr. furley
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33 minutes ago, mr. furley said:

cool story on that.

we have a bathroom closet that's laden with various goods. shampoo, soap, towels, medicines, etc. there are.... 5? shelves.  she got it in her head that one of them didn't fit properly. it was "too long" or something.

she fancies herself quite the handywoman.. and in fairness she's pretty good when she actually does the work.

so she decided to take out the saw and shave some length off the "too long" shelf. 

i'd never noticed that the shelf (which is loaded with 50 lbs of random ####) was "too long".. and football was on.. i'm not about to intervene with questions over something like this. i know it's a lost cause.

next thing i know she's moaning and groaning that the shelf is too short......... and everything that was on the shelf is now strewn about the bathroom until such time as she can go to the store to buy one of those free-standing, all too weak, "metal" shelving units from Target that will be forced in to the middle of our already too small bathroom.

 

did i note that she's also the type of person to start something, finish about 30% of it, quit and then flip the hell out if someone else tries to finish the job? 

 

:lmao:

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Just now, cstu said:

:lmao:

if there were a more obvious outcome to that chain of events i could not have seen it coming

one day in the coming weeks she will stumble in to the tower of household good that's standing in the middle of our bathroom, shatter a couple bottles, break the tower, cut herself and tell me "this is why we need to move! i can't even put things away in our bathroom closet because we don't have enough shelf space!!"

and i will bite my tongue because that's what married guys do

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37 minutes ago, mr. furley said:

cool story on that.

we have a bathroom closet that's laden with various goods. shampoo, soap, towels, medicines, etc. there are.... 5? shelves.  she got it in her head that one of them didn't fit properly. it was "too long" or something.

she fancies herself quite the handywoman.. and in fairness she's pretty good when she actually does the work.

so she decided to take out the saw and shave some length off the "too long" shelf. 

i'd never noticed that the shelf (which is loaded with 50 lbs of random ####) was "too long".. and football was on.. i'm not about to intervene with questions over something like this. i know it's a lost cause.

next thing i know she's moaning and groaning that the shelf is too short......... and everything that was on the shelf is now strewn about the bathroom until such time as she can go to the store to buy one of those free-standing, all too weak, "metal" shelving units from Target that will be forced in to the middle of our already too small bathroom.

 

did i note that she's also the type of person to start something, finish about 30% of it, quit and then flip the hell out if someone else tries to finish the job? 

 

if you don't mind me asking, what are you getting out of this marriage?    

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I don't know what happened in here or when a cornhole is supposed to happen. The world is scary.

Got to drop some knowledge on a room full of fools in Boston this morning at an insurance innovation conference.

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2 minutes ago, Sconch said:

Has anybody, in the history of the FFA, ever copied another poster's thread word-for-word?   I'm thinking of starting my own "100 Favorite Movies" thread but don't want to bother with creating content.

Mix up Tim's posts with Andy's posts....should be lots of :confused:

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6 minutes ago, Sconch said:

Has anybody, in the history of the FFA, ever copied another poster's thread word-for-word?   I'm thinking of starting my own "100 Favorite Movies" thread but don't want to bother with creating content.

Wasn't vg replying to tim with passages from his book for a while?

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22 minutes ago, bentley said:

I don't know what happened in here or when a cornhole is supposed to happen. The world is scary.

Got to drop some knowledge on a room full of fools in Boston this morning at an insurance innovation conference.

Monday night.

Me, you, Abe, Leroy Jenkins, Kev, Cos.  Uni, Stu and Bogart are driving down. 

You're in charge of planning.

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1 hour ago, Bob Sacamano said:

What's this?

it's what men are expected to do when dealing with their spouses. at least that's what i've gleaned over the years listening to other people talk. 

wives are right, men should just shut their mouths, keep their heads down and make sure their spouses are happy

 

"happy wife, happy life!", amirite?

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Just now, Aaron Rudnicki said:

he's posting?

Sorry, I should have given more info.  Liking a bunch of posts in the Trump thread.  When I saw the "likes," I assumed it meant he wasn't banned, but maybe liking is still doable but posting isn't?

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Just now, krista4 said:

Sorry, I should have given more info.  Liking a bunch of posts in the Trump thread.  When I saw the "likes," I assumed it meant he wasn't banned, but maybe liking is still doable but posting isn't?

Yeah, I blocked him from posting. Liking other posts seems pretty harmless.

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1 minute ago, mr. furley said:

it's what men are expected to do when dealing with their spouses. at least that's what i've gleaned over the years listening to other people talk. 

wives are right, men should just shut their mouths, keep their heads down and make sure their spouses are happy

 

"happy wife, happy life!", amirite?

No

No

Let me tell you the story of one of my GBs.  We'll call him Bert.  Bert was married for about 8 years.  IIRC, he found out his wife was cheating on him for like half of those.  I'm going to guess she was pretty happy having her cake and being a giant slutbag, too.  On the other hand, since the divorce he is the happiest I've ever seen him.  He's now banged half the state he lives in, and the poor, dumb bastard is settling in long-term with someone (though I love the guy to death) who makes him look like one of Uni's street friends. 

ftr: I'm going to call that also a no.

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1 hour ago, -fish- said:

can you reply with the studs post?

this just got me thinking... I don't even remember where that post was and I sure as #### woulnd't be able to find it with the search function.

anybody remember? might be worth a bump or repost. or a reply to nancy.

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(blows out) this remind me of my friend names Helen van Biscuits. There is mexicaned resterant in my town that have contest. They say whoever make loudest fanny cough will get a year supply of burrito for free. We have known for years that our friend names Helen just love them burritos so qwerts call her up and tell her about the contest. Helen get real excited but there is one problem. she can't make them fanny coughs loud enough. But one thing she do have is a brains.

So she do alotta research. She go to library and get books about intestines. She try eating different food. She try holdin in choclates for weeks. She try stading in diffrent position when making fanny coughs. There is no stones turned. She even have strategy meeitngs with qwerts after work. Qwwerts suggest that maybe he could build tiny microphone that make it sound real loud but she say no. She is very honets and wouldn't feel good about winnin them burritos like that. She was at the end of a road and almost give up when teh break of a lifetime happen. She watching a tv show about archetecture of buildings and they say that sometime if there the right combonation of curves and openings that sounds can become ampflied and things sound real loud. It say they use these technique in some of the most famous auditorium in all of a world.

That night she try all different things that have curves and opening. She lean her fanny on a wall, teh window, she use kitchen items like a whinsk. But nothing work. As last resort she take her fingers and make opening between middle and next finger just like mr sponk (ecept it is alittle curved). She put her hand like that around the ###### and make a cough. Babooms! It is so loud that it set off 3 car alarms on teh street. But maybe she just get lucky? She try one more time and it is even more loud. She look out a window and there is like 6 animal jsut lookin at her. When you fart is loud enough to make a animal curious you know probably gonna win burritos.

So now she is all set. The contest is today at teh retsaraunt and she knows that destiny is in her bowls. She have her technique and pretty soon she gonna eat burrito for free and the world is her oysters. The contest start and the man who own the restaraunt ( it is called la Pringles) take the stage. "Hello to everyones. Today is day of contest and whoever make teh loudest fanny cough win burrito for a year. on behalfs of me and everyone who work at el pringles, welcome and let teh farters begin! Will all contestant please come to stage." It turn out there is only two people in contest. One is Helen van bisquits and the other is some lady names maria pringles (but they say she aint related). Teh owner say "OK, it just you two, who ever is loudest win!"

So Helen go first. She take a few deep breath. She close her eyes so she can really concentrate. Everyone get real quiet (it real packed there). She slowly hold up her hand and seperate her fingers and curve them (an old lady gasp). She turn around slow and take her her fingers and place them around the outside of teh angus. Here we go. She begin and she let out what is probly one of teh loudest noise ever to come out of a body including screams. It sound like part boat horn and part nucleared esplosion. It is breathtaking and it last for almost 20 seconds. When it is done there is total silence esept for one old man who lookin around and pointing to his ears and tellin everyone he think he is now deaf, but people is pretty much ignore him. Eventually helen turn around and one person start clappin, then a few more and soon it is become a standing ovation. "Borava!" one lady scream. another little girl go to teh stage and give helen a bouquet of flower. Helen is touched and a tear come out. Even Maria pringles look impressed. What can she do ecept to tip her hat to one hell of a fanny cough.

So teh claps die down (ecept for that old deaf man but he wife tell him to calm down and they will hearing aid later). So now it is maria turn. Everyone get quiet again and give maria they attention. Maria look around, she bite down real hard and skin on her nose scrunch. She start counting..."one....two....THREE!" She let out her cough and it sound like snores, but it get a little louder and a little louder and then suddenly there is a second noise that going with it and then ....BOOM teh window esplode! People is so confused. Where did that second part of teh cough come from and how did them windows broke? How does she do that? Teh owner of La Pringle take the microphone "We have a winner! It is maria pringles! Her farts is so loud they break them windows and is sound almost like simons and Garf's uncle when it come out. Congratulation to maria and enjoy you burritos!" Maria start jumping up and down and I look at Helen von bicuits and she is devistating. Even people who watching really don't know what happen. They know that helen probably was louder but Maria broke them windows. So if Helen don't break teh windows and maria do, maria must have been louder.

Helen walk down teh stage and she is very upset. She come to us and say that she try her best and we agree. Qwerts say that he was so impressed by what she do and say he now really attracted to her because she is so talent. We agree it best to go home but Helen want to go say thank you to teh owner before she leave. She have so much class that even though she lose she gonna say thank you. Her fanny is real impressive but her character is loudest of all.

So she look around for him and cant find him. She check everywhere and then finally she look through teh door into the kitchen. That is when she see something that change she life forever. She see teh a whole bunch of people dancing around and singing. She see teh owner, he family and Maria pringle is there too. They is throwing people around on chairs like it is jewished wedding. They is all singing and laughing. She hear teh owner say that he so proud of maria pringles and that Maria is a long lost cousin and they rig teh conest so Maria would get them free burritos. It turn out that there were two little boys that threw rocks at teh windows (he give them free taco) when Maria was makin her coughs and teh second, higher pitch noise when Maria was makin her cough was actually teh owner blowing into a special ring he was wearin that make whistles. He time everything just right and with the harmony and teh glass breaking everyone get tricked into believing that Maria was making it all happen but it was all mirage.

Helen is now so mad she burst through the door into the kitchen and everybody who was dancing an laughing stop and look at her. Teh owner say, "Oh, uh, helen, oh, i we sorry that you lose and uh, we..." but helen cut him off. She slowly raise her right and seperate her fingers. Now people are getting real serioused and starting to panic. "No, dont do it helen" maria scream. But helen don't listen. She turn around, put her fingers on teh ######. Me and qwerts have no gone to teh door to watch and helen look over at qwerts and he say to her (real soft) "I love you." and with those words she let out a cough that so loud you cant hear nothin, you could only see teh looks over terror on teh face of teh pringle family. Some bottles of hot sauce start esploding and Maria Pringle get blown against a wall. Some of them beans also esplode and they go into teh owners eyes and I can see him mouthing "i am blind! I blind." She finish and say "you can keep you burritos, from now on I only gonna eat chinesed."

she walk out of teh kitchen and back in the restarant and the people part for her like a red sea. They clappin and pattin her on her shoulders when she walkin by. The old man who went deaf say that teh second farts knock he hearing back and now it is even better than ever. The mayor is there too and he say "I declares today is helen biscuits day." Helen stop and say thank you to everyone and wave. They all wave back but with they fingers a little apart and curve as a sign of respect. Helen tap her heart and show how much that mean to her. She may not have won all them burritos but she won alotta friends and when it is all done and said, burritos go in you and come out but friends stay in you forever.

stu1ds

p and s when i was writin this i think i hear helen make a loud one ...lol

 

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I've received a traffic ticket in April for illegal lane change.  First ticket in 10 years.  Rather than take the 4-hour online course to have the ticket taken off my record at a cost that would have equaled the fine, I just paid the fine.  No middle finger, no booger, just paid it with a nice, clean check.

Geico ganked my rates up over this one ticket.  Seems pretty punitive to increase rates on one ticket in 10 years.  As a member of USAA I tried to get a quote from them, but apparently my dead relatives that served never used their auto insurance so I'm SOL.

Are all auto insurance agencies so draconian with their driving infractions?  I thought you had to get two or three tickets in a short time span for it to count against you?  

Sorry in advance for bringing auto-insurance chat into this.  

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