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horror stories of greed after a family member dies (2 Viewers)

Deranged Hermit

Not cool & Pissed
A good friend of mine recently lost his father to cancer. Great guy, the world is surely worse without him.

My buddy is going through some MAJOR crap with his two brothers with regard to the will and what is left to whom and what-not despite the fact that the will very clearly breaks down everything. An example is that one was to get a vintage car, one his boat and one his Harley. This led to a literal fistfight between my buddy's brothers. Apparently, the one who got the Harley wants the boat. Forget the fact he doesn't live near any water, he just wants it because, well, he wants it. Another example is one brother basically breaking into the house and cleaning out all the father's tools (he had a bunch of high-end stuff).

I don't get it. I'm not a rich man, but I'd just as soon the damn house burn down after my parents die instead of fighting my brother over nickles and dimes.

Anyway, I'm sure there are interesting stories out there to hear. I just can't wrap my brain around the fact that this crap goes on......

 
people are ####ed, what else is there to say?

nothing is good enough, and what someone else has/gets is always better.

Id rather not have a damn thing than have to fight my sister over it.

 
I've seen a huge, close-knit family split into factions permanently over money after the old folks die. The worst part of it is that it all came from an in-law. Grandpa (patriarch of family) dies, husband of one of the daughters decides to take in grandma who is in her 90s, collects her social security, gets her close to his part of the family, etc... Then when she goes he, his wife (one of the daughters), and their kids basically take everything. Some of the other aunts, uncles, and cousins agree with what they did, some obviously do not. So everybody hatees each other forever after that.

 
My grandmother died 15-20 years ago. She lived in oustate MN. She had 6 daughters (one of them my mom) and a son. All except my mom still lived up in the area. My grandfather died, and my grandmother remarried. The house was hers. The will situation was unclear. But, when she died, all of the children (except my mom, she stayed out of the mess) wanted her widower to move out of the house so they could sell it. It was a huge fiasco and lawyers got involved. The estimated value of the house was less than 20k. Pretty sad what a big mess that small amount of money caused.

 
I told my grandmother I wanted her stainless steel coffee percolator/maker because it reminded me of all the holidays we had growing up. She gave it to me for Christmas as to avoid any sort of fighting at her death.

I don't get fighting over the little things like the tools or the silverware. That said when you got a fully paid house and a chunk of cash/equivalents and 2/3 kids to split it up I can see why you could have some fights. Some siblings have never had a 6 figure windfall before and I could understand why it would cause fighting.

 
When my father passed, he had a lot of high end jewelry as my mother had predeceased him. I told my brother (only sibling) to take his top three things as I didn't want any fighting or disagreements. This was the time that we needed to be close.

My friend is an estate planning attorney and has many stories about children skipping funerals and wakes so they can get a jump on their siblings and start taking property. Disgusting.

 
people are animals, most families hate each other. put them together and boom goes the dynamite. i have horror stories.

just have a will that is ironclad. or, leave people fighting and laugh to death in your after life.

 
My grandmother died 15-20 years ago. She lived in oustate MN. She had 6 daughters (one of them my mom) and a son. All except my mom still lived up in the area. My grandfather died, and my grandmother remarried. The house was hers. The will situation was unclear. But, when she died, all of the children (except my mom, she stayed out of the mess) wanted her widower to move out of the house so they could sell it. It was a huge fiasco and lawyers got involved. The estimated value of the house was less than 20k. Pretty sad what a big mess that small amount of money caused.
So how did it play out?

 
I see this about once a month at my bank. You can tell who looks like they just won the lottery of the group and know who will cause all the problems for the estate. People can suck and throw money into the mix and it can get ugly.

 
My brother and I have both told my parents that we'd rather have them than any of their stuff. And if they spend it all, I'll be happy they got to live long enough to enjoy it. When they're gone, we'll go through and split stuff up, but it's all sentimental.

When my grandmother dies though, that could be a mess. My dad doesn't really care about most of her stuff, but his brother and his money grubbing wife could be a problem.

 
My mom is frugal and saves her money.

I always tell her to spend it on things that will make her happy cause if she leaves it behind all it means is that I will buy her a nicer casket.

 
When my grandmother on my father's side died (really one huge #######) disputed over the awarding of their cottage (cabin - their Canadian) that my father (the oldest) had built with him back in the 50s. They wanted to sell and pocket the not insignificant cash. My father and some of the other brothers got pissed and just walked away from the whole thing. 10 years later my father's uncle (his Dad's brother) died. No children. Turns out that the same ######## uncle, took advantage of him in his very last, senile years and had him re-write his will leaving everything to him. There's wasn't all that much truthfully but a total **** move. Fast forward another 10 years and the last of my father's Aunts (also his Dad's sister) dies. She never married or had children and was always closest with our family and one other family among my father's 8 siblings. However, very late in her life the ######## uncle had tried the same maneuver on her. Only this time, he was only able to get her to write a pretty ambiguous hand-written, un-notarized, version of her will before she died. This version basically split everything between our family and the ######## uncle, completely cutting out the other family she had been closest too. My parents contested, even though the official will actually left them with less and got the ######## cut off completely and the other family awarded as was her original intent before being taken advantage of.

 
If you think it could be a problem, don't make any of the beneficiaries the executor of the estate. Clearly define what specific items you want to go to each heir. Then put a third party in charge of handling the estate after you pass. It may cost a little more, but at least everyone can hate the third party and not each other.

 
My grandmother passed about 20 years ago. My dad, his sister and brother split everything. There was a house, so they eventually sold it and split the proceeds. My uncle wasn't happy with how everything worked out and the sale price of the house. He hasn't spoken to anyone in the family since despite having a good relationship before all this.

 
I'll never have this problem with my sister, she doesn't want the bills either. I have seen this happen a few times with friends families and it makes me happy mine is middle class.

 
I'm dreading this situation myself. My father is alive and (fairly) well thankfully but he has had health issues and I know the time is coming.

I'm the executor of his will but-as I once alluded to in CSTU' s "white trash" thread-I have a very dysfunctional family and I anticipate major problems.

I don't really get along with my family other than my father. I haven't spoken to my brother or sister in almost 2 years now and, while I speak with my mother, it's at a polite businesslike level.

Both my brother and sister have/have had issues including substance abuse, depression, and my brother has been physically threatening to both my father and his now deceased 2nd wife (who was a wonderful human being). Sister has had multiple DWI's including brief jail time. Just to be clear-having said all that I didn't turn my back on either sibling and had always supported them through their troubles (including moving my brother into our house soon after my wife and I were married-for about 2 years until it didn't work anymore). Brother also lived rent free in one of my father's apt. houses for almost 7 years after he quit his job as a corrections officer and was unemployed due to depression. Father bailed out sister multiple times, paid for lawyer, has paid off her CC bills and new car payments.

All that was backstory. Brother has now complained about me being executor, and has also said he "doesn't trust" my wife. No reason for this, we've never taken anything from my father and wife does well in her career on her own. She's also one of the kindest people I know. For the 20 or so years we tried to create a somewhat normal family atmosphere we hosted my family every holiday, birthday, etc and she cooked and cleaned for them without complaint or expectation (like how normal people might offer to bring something once in a while?). So....when I found out my brother had said this I was pissed.

My father has been a collector of sports cars and old cars. Sister has already laid claim to one of his corvettes and brother has claimed one of his other vehicles. Not my business, told my Dad I'm just carrying out whatever he decides, and I honestly don't care. I suppose I should be insisting that the vehicles be valued and calculated as shares of the estate...but I'm not going to bother.

My mother -divorced from my father-lives rent free in one of his apartment houses next door to his house. She has over the years turned into a petty vindictive behind the scenes trouble maker (and to be fair, she really got a raw deal in life). I suspect she is in the ears of both brother and sister and trying to lay claim to some of fathers estate as well.

I expect all kinds of drama, threatened legal action, you name it, when my father passes. To think I thought moving out of home meant leaving that dysfunction behind. You can never get away from it.

 
This is one of the good things about being an only child. It's all going to me. It's nothing substantial by any means, actually it's barely anything, but at least there will be no fighting.

 
My family gets along great now, but I'm worried when this time comes. My parents keep telling me if I want something, they will put my name on it.

The only thing I want is my dad's deer rifle. It's probably not worth $150, but it has sentimental value to me. They can fight over everything else.

ETA: Oh, and an 8 gauge shotgun that dad got from his uncle. I think that would be fun to shoot. :lmao:
so your great uncle liked to blast elephants eh bromigo take that to the hurtin shoulder bank

 
Disputes between beneficiaries are common but the conflicting parties almost always end up worse for wear overall, while the lawyers end up with a good chunk of it.

 
My grandmother died 15-20 years ago. She lived in oustate MN. She had 6 daughters (one of them my mom) and a son. All except my mom still lived up in the area. My grandfather died, and my grandmother remarried. The house was hers. The will situation was unclear. But, when she died, all of the children (except my mom, she stayed out of the mess) wanted her widower to move out of the house so they could sell it. It was a huge fiasco and lawyers got involved. The estimated value of the house was less than 20k. Pretty sad what a big mess that small amount of money caused.
So how did it play out?
I'm guessing with 6 people and only 20K, the lawyers were probably the only ones who made a profit.

 
Thankfully some of the details are fuzzy due to time. Sadly, I haven't thought much about it since three people have passed away (all at different times) during and after the drama.

My grandpa was a tough SOB. Lived a tough life grinding it out. Spent 20 years in the Army and enlisted when he was 16 in part due to his parents and how they treated him. He had to get out of that situation but sadly once he retired from the Army, he moved back to his hometown that may have brought up bad memories as he aged. My grandma was born in Europe and was married in Europe, to my grandpa so she came to America with him during his Army days.

Grandpa did things the old fashioned way. He never told my grandma of his financial doings. He was a part loan shark, bootlegger and legit construction worker. He swindled anyone he could with anything he could. He was full of life, as was my grandma until old age set in. They had two kids. The oldest is a daughter (my mom) and a son (my uncle). Each kid has two kids with my brother being the oldest, cousin #1 being second oldest, me and then my other cousin.

My grandpa went through a couple different deaths over a three year or so period. The first time due to health and was about dead so my uncle went into the house and grabbed paper work, notes, possible money, and some things that we are still not 100% sure about. My grandpa survived so my uncle brought back some of that stuff. My uncle/aunt were very standoffish as my grandpa was getting healthier. Grandma was in shock due to the behavior of her son and my mom was all about seeing my grandpa get healthy and helping my grandma.

Grandpa gets healthy and my uncle/aunt take him in partly due to my grandma not being able to administer his meds and stuff. Uncle/aunt charge my grandpa rent and force him to do some things that he is not used to. I visit him a couple of times, take him to lunch, and my uncle/aunt put a stop to that. They one time kept me from leaving their house (I was going back to college) and talked with me how my mom and grandma are wrong about this, that, and the other. I played dumb a bit and let them talk but they weren't good salespeople trying to make me turn to their side.

Fast forward, grandpa does pass away and the only talk from uncle/aunt is vicious towards my grandma and my mom. Over time there was some chit chat from my uncle to my grandma but he never attempted making amends towards his sister or me. They tried to get their hands on as much money my grandpa had, which was in the range of $40,000 although all of that became my grandma's since she was still alive. I give my uncle some credit because he was at my grandma's bedside when she passed as was my mom, my brother, me, and my nephew. My aunt and cousins were nowhere to be seen. However, he never did try to talk to my mom after all of this. It was a short eight months after my grandma passed that my uncle passed as well. His funeral was nice to see my family but my family and my uncles friends were rude, disrespectful and downright full of hatred towards my mom that day.

I can forgive my uncle for a little bit although I saw him do many things during this time to never think twice about him. But, he is my uncle and I can remember the good times with him when I was younger. I can never and will never forgive my aunt or cousins though. If I see them at the super market, I might, say hello but I'd probably end up leaving the area and not conversing with them. No desire to know about their lives anymore. The crazy things I saw happen and heard tore too big a gash in my consciousness. And, it was all for a sum of money in the range of $40k - $60k. Family is strange sometimes.

 
My grandmother passed about 20 years ago. My dad, his sister and brother split everything. There was a house, so they eventually sold it and split the proceeds. My uncle wasn't happy with how everything worked out and the sale price of the house. He hasn't spoken to anyone in the family since despite having a good relationship before all this.
That type of thing happens a lot. The carrying costs of the house and the desire to close out the estate make people take the first offer thrown at them. Add to that the total lack of desire to fix up the house before sale and you get lowballed.

 
johnnycakes said:
Heck the best ones are the horror stories of greed that start before the possessor of stuff passes.
This. While I was in law school, my grandfather broke his hip and had to go to a nursing home. Two days later my mother (who was the widow of one of Grandpa's sons) gets a phone call from the manager of his apt. building, saying "I know you're a daughter-in-law, but you're the only one who I've ever seen visit him. I thought you should know his son and daughter are here and they'r really creating a disturbance for the neighbors. They're in his apt. fighting over who gets what. Right now, the fighting is over his socks and underwear." As only a DIL, my mother didn't feel she could do much but tell me. About a week later, I went home for the weekend and visited Grandpa at the nursing home. Luckily, I "bumped into" my aunt and laid into her, telling her that since he was still alive they were guilty of stealing his property, and probably also corruption of a minor since they had their 8-year-old daughter help them and that if the stuff wasn't returned by the end of the weekend I intended to file criminal charges. Her reaction was "Are you implying we stole that stuff?" I said, "I'm not implying anything, I'm saying it flat out, and I'm sure the DA will agree." The law school education was enough to intimidate them into returning the stuff...at least until the day after he eventually died a couple years later. Don't think I've heard more than 10 words from either the aunt or uncle in the 40 years since, including at his funeral, not that I've missed them.

 
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johnnycakes said:
Heck the best ones are the horror stories of greed that start before the possessor of stuff passes.
This is true. My wife is in a horror show right now with her sister over her dads estate. And it started 6 months before he passed. If we had only knew but the signs were clearly there. Its just that you dont want to address it or call her out when a loved one is on deaths bed. Money can make a person insane. My wifes sister has turned psychotic over this. The lies, the web of deceit and the greed is nauseating. If we were not going through this it would almost be entertaining to watch a person flip like this. In short my wife and her brother are getting completely cut out of the estate due to my sis in laws elaborate lie and ruse over their mom. Its really really sad. I can only wish for karma in this situation.

 
My brother (the eldest) was pissed when he found out my sister was named executor. It didn't matter that he lived 500 miles away and she lived a mile away from my dad, helped my dad everyday, and was the person most familiar with his situation. She wanted my dad's car. 10K car at most. Me and my other sister just gave it to her and my other brother who is well off financially made her pay for "his" portion.

When both my mom and dad died I went back home (600 miles away) the day after the funeral. I took 3 things of my moms. All things I gave her and nothing of my dads. There was much bs after both deaths about stuff but I am not that way and I can not and will not deal with the pettiness of it. I just remove myself from the situation and stay at peace.

 
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I'm worried that when my dad goes, his wife and her conniving daughters are going to liquidate his assets and hide the money. I've expressed this to him and he said it's all covered in the will. We shall see but I fully expect his mind to go before his body and would not put it past the kids to lean on their mother to get anything and everything.

It's going to be a mess. Hopefully not for another 10-20 years or so but it's coming. Lot's of backstabbing and greed and just general bad decision making with my stepmom's kids.

 
johnnycakes said:
Heck the best ones are the horror stories of greed that start before the possessor of stuff passes.
This is true. My wife is in a horror show right now with her sister over her dads estate. And it started 6 months before he passed. If we had only knew but the signs were clearly there. Its just that you dont want to address it or call her out when a loved one is on deaths bed. Money can make a person insane. My wifes sister has turned psychotic over this. The lies, the web of deceit and the greed is nauseating. If we were not going through this it would almost be entertaining to watch a person flip like this. In short my wife and her brother are getting completely cut out of the estate due to my sis in laws elaborate lie and ruse over their mom. Its really really sad. I can only wish for karma in this situation.
Greedy #######s like that will generally get theirs at some point. Even if it's sitting lonely in a nursing home for 10 years with their thoughts to entertain them as they eat cold peas and carrots.

 
Jesus Christ, it sounds like a Jerry Springer episode every time I talk to my buddy. The lawyer now will not speak to them as a group after fist fight number two between my buddy's brothers in his office. This was over three fishing rods (admittedly high end ones). They were willed one each, the one who got the boat wanted all three.

When they left the office, the lawyer just patted my buddy on the back and said, 'thanks for being the only sane one in this cluster-f***'.

 
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Jesus Christ, it sounds like a Jerry Springer episode every time I talk to my buddy. The lawyer now will not speak to them as a group after fist fight number two between my buddy's brothers in his office. This was over three fishing rods (admittedly high end ones). They were willed one each, the one who got the boat wanted all three.

When they left the office, the lawyer just patted my buddy on the back and said, 'thanks for being the only sane one in this cluster-f***'.
What a bunch of losers. They should be ashamed and get NOTHING. Your friend should get it all.

High end fishing rods. JFC

 
Friend of ours father divorced his mother (who later died), remarried, died and left six of his seven houses, along with his vintage car collection, to his second wife. His four children were left to fight over the one remaining house, and they had to go to court just to get that. After standing empty for three years while they argued about it, we came along right when they decided 'to hell with it' and took the first offer we made.

 
Friend of ours father divorced his mother (who later died), remarried, died and left six of his seven houses, along with his vintage car collection, to his second wife. His four children were left to fight over the one remaining house, and they had to go to court just to get that. After standing empty for three years while they argued about it, we came along right when they decided 'to hell with it' and took the first offer we made.
I see a common theme here where the widow/widower remarries and leaves everything to the new spouse's family, leaving their own kids with zilch. You can bet your *** I won't be doing that to my kids. Good God.

 
My SIL, a good person who has had her share of financial struggles throughout the years, was close to, and supportive of, an older cousin of hers. The unmarried cousin, who was an only child, had inherited her parent's estate, and done well enough for herself, recently passed away. The estate is being split between five parties, including SIL. I hear that at the reading of the will, the wife of one of the five started ranting about "when are we going to get the money; my kids are going to go to college soon." Amazing to hear of such selfishness and lack of gratitude. People can really suck.

 
When my grandmother-in-law dies it's going to be a knock Em out drag me out battle royal between my MIL, AIL, my wife and another cousin. It's going to be epic.

My GMIL is 99 and is probably the sweetest person on the planet and she is loved by the whole family. She has an old school writing desk. I'm not an expert but I'd say it's probably worth $1000- $1500 tops "to the right buyer". The "heads" of the other side of the family have already threatened death upon each other over that desk.

I'm happy in a perverse way the fight will be over an item of remembrance and not $$.

 
My grandfather left his estate to his grandchildren by passing equal shares through his children. My grandfather had three children who each sired two children so each grandchild was slated to get half their parents one third so one sixth each.

My sibling was killed before my grandfather passed so I inherited one third while each of my four cousins inherited one sixth. One uncle decided that since my sibling was deceased his kids should get a share equal to mine. He said "hey there's now only five surviving grandkids they should each get one fifth." They wanted to reduce my inheritence from one third to one fifth and increase their kids share from one sixth to one fifth. The will was very clear about equal parts being passed through the children then passed to the grandkids and there's even a legal term for such wishes that was used in the will so he lost in court. My uncle only succeeded in running up a bunch of legal fees for both parties and delaying settlement of the estate for a couple years.

I was never told any of this but vaguely remember we stopped seeing that part of the family around the time of my grandfather's death . It was only after both my father and uncle were deceased that a cousin told me why my father never spoke to his brother again.

 
How is this not a reality show in some capacity?

Call it "windfall" or some crap, where they do a season of 13+ episodes covering 2-3 families tearing each other apart. One family could be some trailer trash who have some rich distant relative die. Another could be some rich greedy family who gets even greedier when someone rich in the family dies. The 3rd could be, I don't know, use your imagination. Maybe something funny for some comic relief.

 
I expect all kinds of drama, threatened legal action, you name it, when my father passes. To think I thought moving out of home meant leaving that dysfunction behind. You can never get away from it.
And I expect an ongoing thread of all this when it starts (hopefully a long time from now of course)

 
Brony said:
Part of me wouldn't mind if my kids venerated my death by fighting over my underwear.
It's awesome if they fight over the stuff you would never expect.

You got a grandfather who dies with millions in assets, yet you see fistfights over fishing rods, playboy collections, star wars figures, maybe some transformers, garbage pale kids, maybe an old gumball machine (not for the machine, for the gum).

They all agree to the will regarding the money and houses and cars, but damn it, they will go toe to toe over that rock em sock em robots game that isnt even in good condition.

 
I have always said a great reality show would be to fake a death then film the family fighting over the will. A morbid twist on the Undercover Boss concept.

:yes:

 
Jobber said:
WampusCat43 said:
Friend of ours father divorced his mother (who later died), remarried, died and left six of his seven houses, along with his vintage car collection, to his second wife. His four children were left to fight over the one remaining house, and they had to go to court just to get that. After standing empty for three years while they argued about it, we came along right when they decided 'to hell with it' and took the first offer we made.
I see a common theme here where the widow/widower remarries and leaves everything to the new spouse's family, leaving their own kids with zilch. You can bet your *** I won't be doing that to my kids. Good God.
My feeling, shared completely with my brothers, is that it's our dad's #### and he can do whatever he wants to with it.

We lost our maternal grandmother who had some assets a few years ago. Mom was an only child but she had a step-sister. My grandmother never forgave the step-sister for not coming to her dad's funeral. She didn't even send a card. Grandma carried a grudge and unbeknownst to any of us, had a new will done leaving everything to my mom. Mom had early-onset Alzheimers so the cash really helped with those costs. Step-sister was livid. My brothers felt sorry for her. I was the executor. I had zippo pity. It was grandma's #### and if she wanted to leave it to a cat, who am I to argue?

I've told my dad for years (as I told my grandmother), if you do it right your last check will bounce. The next generation ain't entitled to crap.

 
I was trustee for my parents Dad died first. One brother, one sister and me (the youngest). Brother was fine until Mom died, then the entitlement side came out. I had to settle lots of Mom debt, much of which was incurred for brothers benefit. Brother also had wheelchair bound mom at her bank days before she died, signing over some cash accounts to him, she charged 8K in dental for him.... Lastly he forged a check to his mortgage company 2 days before she died, and she was morphined hospice at that time. To boot he claimed I was holding back from him. I could have went after his dental and mortgage payment, but to what end and at what cost. Although I did have to evict him from the family home in December to get it sold, he would have stayed there forever. Never heard the end of that.

Best advice is play it by the books and maintain that message to all involved. Do not subject yourself to undue scruitny, you will be surprised how much comes if someone wants start mudslinging. Stay on point and do not get pulled into personal attacks. Depend on legal advice if you need it.

 

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