Jobber
Footballguy
I can get onboard with this. And if anyone complains, compare that to the costs of assisted living or a home healthcare nurse.
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horror stories of greed after a family member dies (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Deranged Hermit
- Start date
igbomb
Footballguy
This. I don't like the word entitled since none of us are entitled to a damn thing from our parents' estates.
But I wouldn't take issue with them getting a bigger share. Feels like the right thing to do.
Godsbrother
Footballguy
ghostguy123
Footballguy
My dad's uncle died about 7 years ago. For about 5 years leading up to that he would send out a check for about $1,000 a year to everyone who was in the will, which was about 30 people (I was one of them, yayy). Then when he died everyone got somewhere between 10-15 grand.
One of my dad's cousins did a TON for the guy regarding his assisted living, his finances, and everything else. Any time we had a family gathering she was the one to pick him up, take care of him, make sure he ate and didnt choke and die, and everything that goes along with watching out for someone.
She did not ask for more, but just about everyone involved in the will INSISTED she take more, like 5x more than anyone else. I am not even sure if she did or not, but I can't remember my dad telling me that even ONE person complained or caused any issues with any of this.
This is clearly an example of the way it SHOULD go, but I have a feeling this happens maybe 1% of the time.
Billy Bats
Footballguy
You're related to good people, ghost. 
ghostguy123
Footballguy
Yeah, people actually went to the funeral. They didn't take the opportunity to rifle through the guys belongings while no one was around to watch.You're related to good people, ghost.
I didn't hear anyone complaining about "their share".
ghostguy123
Footballguy
That was my dad's side of the family though. All old school mentality. The best kind of people.
I see potential for weird stuff on my mom's side of the fam though. My grandma (moms mom) could go at any time. She doesnt have much, but does own a condo worth maybe $125,000. She may not have that if she goes into a full time assisted living home, but if she were to pass on in the next few months or year I could see some shennanigans play out.
And I have a feeling it would be from the family that is the most well off out of the bunch.
Hoping I don't have some horror story to share with you guys about a year from now.
I see potential for weird stuff on my mom's side of the fam though. My grandma (moms mom) could go at any time. She doesnt have much, but does own a condo worth maybe $125,000. She may not have that if she goes into a full time assisted living home, but if she were to pass on in the next few months or year I could see some shennanigans play out.
And I have a feeling it would be from the family that is the most well off out of the bunch.
Hoping I don't have some horror story to share with you guys about a year from now.
lombardi
Footballguy
This is true, I should probably share the good and bad.
When my wife's g-mom died she had a live in boyfriend for like 20 years and they never got married, they had a house in West Philly that they lived in as long as I can remember. Everything was in her name and no will so my wife and her brother were next of kin. Basically we could sell the house and kick the guy out and split the profit. Probably not a ton of money but I'm sure we could have gotten $20k-$30k out of it, not really sure. He was dirt poor and wouldn't even know how to get a lawyer.
We just renounced our claim and basically allowed it to pass to him somehow, not even sure of exactly what the process was. We signed a paper and that was it.
Of course there was some question with her brother and he needed to be cajoled a tiny bit but he signed also. It was the guys house, he lived in it with her forever, he just didn't have any documentation I guess. The right thing to do.
So it's not always a horror show.
Poke_4_Life
Footballguy
My wifes grandmother died Thursday. I'm pretty sure this will get ugly. Grandpa has been gone for a few years.
First the assets. House in need of repair but valued at around 150k. Investments to the tune of 300k or more. More tools than you would ever believe. Some family heirloom furniture and grandfather clocks (small but made by grandpas father by hand). Also a typical grandma car, a Camry with minor damage and very low miles.
Every asset is in a trust. With the three executors, the three children.
Now the players.
My MIL and FIL. They are in fine shape financially. But there are pieces she wants. Also would take the money but its not a huge deal. Lives in same metro area as mom that just passed.
The son. Miserly gay guy that hoards and has a ton of money and investments. Normally a reasonable person. Has stated before all his assetts are to be given to arts charities when he passes as he has no partner or heirs. Also lives in same metro area as recently passed mom.
The other daughter and her family. Have had financial troubles for years. Currently dont even have a car that runs well enough to travel the 800+ miles to moms metro area. Have taken loans from mom in excess of 100k over the years. Others have been told the loans are to be deducted from inheritance. No one knows if this is in writing.
So yesterday we find out the daughter from 800+ miles away is coming to town on Monday. Will stay in moms house while here. Funeral is next weekend. Something was also mentioned about them renting a car so they can take items back with them. The car has also been mentioned since theirs are crap.
My wife and MIL are heading to the house today. To find documents, safe deposit box keys, etc.
I told them to take photos around the house while there.
This could get ugly.
Will post updates.
Oh and the death certificate wont be available for 3-4 weeks. So nothing can 'officially' change hands until that time.
First the assets. House in need of repair but valued at around 150k. Investments to the tune of 300k or more. More tools than you would ever believe. Some family heirloom furniture and grandfather clocks (small but made by grandpas father by hand). Also a typical grandma car, a Camry with minor damage and very low miles.
Every asset is in a trust. With the three executors, the three children.
Now the players.
My MIL and FIL. They are in fine shape financially. But there are pieces she wants. Also would take the money but its not a huge deal. Lives in same metro area as mom that just passed.
The son. Miserly gay guy that hoards and has a ton of money and investments. Normally a reasonable person. Has stated before all his assetts are to be given to arts charities when he passes as he has no partner or heirs. Also lives in same metro area as recently passed mom.
The other daughter and her family. Have had financial troubles for years. Currently dont even have a car that runs well enough to travel the 800+ miles to moms metro area. Have taken loans from mom in excess of 100k over the years. Others have been told the loans are to be deducted from inheritance. No one knows if this is in writing.
So yesterday we find out the daughter from 800+ miles away is coming to town on Monday. Will stay in moms house while here. Funeral is next weekend. Something was also mentioned about them renting a car so they can take items back with them. The car has also been mentioned since theirs are crap.
My wife and MIL are heading to the house today. To find documents, safe deposit box keys, etc.
I told them to take photos around the house while there.
This could get ugly.
Will post updates.
Oh and the death certificate wont be available for 3-4 weeks. So nothing can 'officially' change hands until that time.
Poke_4_Life
Footballguy
I agree about the car. We have a teen daughter and the car would be perfect for her but I dont want it to be a fight when we can actually afford to buy a used car.
Also. Why was the trust set up with three equal executors? This is my biggest fear. They should have picked one as executor. Ugh.
Also. Why was the trust set up with three equal executors? This is my biggest fear. They should have picked one as executor. Ugh.
gianmarco
Footballguy
No kidding. That's a disaster waiting to happen. If that was done with an attorney, which it most likely was, how did he not counsel against that?
Poke_4_Life
Footballguy
The only saving grace is there are three so majority vote should win. Hopefully. Still I dont get it. At all.
Sand
Footballguy
My brother and I were co-executors of both my mother and father's wills. It has worked out just fine and we've done a good job at it, but then again neither of us are #######s, either.
Sabertooth
Footballguy
I worry about this with my dad. He says he did a pre nup and all that but I'm sure she will adjust that as the years pass.
Sabertooth
Footballguy
Aren't you worried about the other sister just looting the house?
Poke_4_Life
Footballguy
Sure. But if they cant afford a hotel where will they stay? Neither sibling wants them at their house. Also a pretty sizable inventory was made of key items yesterday and several have already been removed by my MIL or her brother.
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
The Ref
Footballguy
Like I tell my 6 year old daughter, you need to have scary parts in a movie with bad guys to make a movie good.
pantherclub
Footballguy
Not ready to get into details just yet but mother of ####, this #### is never ending.
Why is it that some women just thrive on drama? Just thrive on it.
ghostguy123
Footballguy
Why is it that you used the word "some"??
Not ready to get into details just yet but mother of ####, this #### is never ending.
Why is it that some women just thrive on drama? Just thrive on it.
Wife's grandmother is about to pass away after a real bad stroke, just waiting on a couple family members to fly in before pulling the plug (which is a gigantic waste of resources by the way, but that's for another thread). Pretty sure she has no money or other assets or anything. Maybe a car, that's about it.
If she had money this would be nothing but fireworks because my wifes side of the family is just littered with borderlines and nasty people.
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Deranged Hermit
Not cool & Pissed
Timely bump by pantherclub as I was just getting ready to post this:
My uncle has a brother and a sister. Both my uncle and his brother are EXTREMELY well off. Uncle was a superintendent of a school district for years and his brother is a very good lawyer. The sister is bat-#### crazy.
Their father passed a decade ago and their mom died last week. The sister has been staying with mom the last year and just siphoning away thousands of dollars. When her husband told her what she was doing is wrong, she left him and shacked up with another dude who had no problem enabling the theft of funds for months.
After the services, my Uncle's brother (the lawyer) started to comb through the paperwork to get everything in order from his mother's estate. He already knew who got what, he drew the will up himself. NOT SO FAST! Sister produces a paper dated two weeks before their mother's death leaving EVERYTHING to her. Keep in mind, up until this point, the mother obviously just had her son draw up the legal docs.
So now they're all fighting. My uncle blames the sister for everything and his brother for not having the foresight to stop her shenanigans. Sister claims she took care of their mother for the last year so she deserves it all (not true, she lived there, yes, but was always whoring around and going on vacations on mom's dime). The laywer-brother just wants out and is fed up with the situation.
Sad, sad situation.
My uncle has a brother and a sister. Both my uncle and his brother are EXTREMELY well off. Uncle was a superintendent of a school district for years and his brother is a very good lawyer. The sister is bat-#### crazy.
Their father passed a decade ago and their mom died last week. The sister has been staying with mom the last year and just siphoning away thousands of dollars. When her husband told her what she was doing is wrong, she left him and shacked up with another dude who had no problem enabling the theft of funds for months.
After the services, my Uncle's brother (the lawyer) started to comb through the paperwork to get everything in order from his mother's estate. He already knew who got what, he drew the will up himself. NOT SO FAST! Sister produces a paper dated two weeks before their mother's death leaving EVERYTHING to her. Keep in mind, up until this point, the mother obviously just had her son draw up the legal docs.
So now they're all fighting. My uncle blames the sister for everything and his brother for not having the foresight to stop her shenanigans. Sister claims she took care of their mother for the last year so she deserves it all (not true, she lived there, yes, but was always whoring around and going on vacations on mom's dime). The laywer-brother just wants out and is fed up with the situation.
Sad, sad situation.
Godsbrother
Footballguy
Yeah the "move in with Mom for a year and claim you were taking care of her" is a trick that is often pulled in these cases.
Spin
Footballguy
What is the route there? Out of curiosity, attack the validity of the new document that was signed 2 weeks before she passed?
Deranged Hermit
Not cool & Pissed
Probably. They have documented proof from Docs that she wasn't in her right mind for months and, since her son has done all of her legal paperwork her whole life, it should be pretty easy to prove that the daughter was up to something shady.
Drifter
Footballguy
This is almost exactly what happened with my great aunt where the newer document was eventually overturned because it wasn't consistent with the earlier records and how those had been created. Basically, you can't write a will on a napkin on your deathbed and rescind a signed, notarized, legal document.
Yankee23Fan
Fair Tax!
Yankee23Fan
Fair Tax!
sbonomo
Footballguy
probate, attorneys, legal fees. Overturned. Thank the crazy sister for costing the estate a good chunk to battle it out in court.
Yankee23Fan
Fair Tax!
Depends on the state law. I already have a brief written if it was NJ. But the general is, yes, you attack the validity of the will under about 4 legal doctrines and a plethora of case law.
sbonomo
Footballguy
let me guess which side you are defending....what is the going rate for probate attorney's? I am sure there is a huge range but i remember paying in the 1000's as a bank trying to defend our claims of PG's against family etc.
Yankee23Fan
Fair Tax!
ghostguy123
Footballguy
pantherclub
Footballguy
::sigh::
Crazy ### sister in law bragging on Facebook about how the mom has agreed to pay for college for one of her kids. So they are in NC looking at colleges this weekend. Disclaimer, the kid is 15.
Just trolling and being stupid.
Crazy ### sister in law bragging on Facebook about how the mom has agreed to pay for college for one of her kids. So they are in NC looking at colleges this weekend. Disclaimer, the kid is 15.
Just trolling and being stupid.
The Ref
Footballguy
Rest of the situation aside at least it's this and not she's picking out a new vacation home in Maui.
If/when the day happens for My parents I'm not spending a dime till I know my kids college is squared away.
pantherclub
Footballguy
Yet. This just opens the flood gates. Next comes buying them a house in NC (they live in a crappy old house in NH) and God only knows what after that. Just a dumb unnecessary situation all the way around.
D in the D
Footballguy
I suggest you spend an additional 2 bucks on something frivolous, leaving a nice round number.
ChiefD
Footballguy
Nah. I wanna watch from eternity as they figure out how to split the .66666666666666666......
Mario Kart
Footballguy
You have to subtract lawyer fees before they fight over the $47. Surely they will each think the other is hiding something.
mrip541
Footballguy
Grandmother on my mom's side died a couple years before my grandfather. While my grandfather (93 at the time) was very visbly experiencing the kind of grief I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, the kind that re-writes the definition, he was taken by a con man who convinced him his wife would want their money to do God's work, through him. They were deeply religious. Did missionary work in the middle east back in the day. Grandfather gave that guy just about every penny to his name without consulting anyone. Guy took that money and ran. Never seen again. Grandfather on my Dad's side was taken by a predatory real estate deal. At the time he was basically too frail to leave the house. Guy on the phone sold him a wildly overpriced condo, with ridiculous recurring fees, that he physically couldn't ever access and never even saw one time before he died. I hate people. At least there wasn't much left to divy up.
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sbonomo
Footballguy
wow...sounds like someone in the family should have gotten a power of attorney over the assets a long time ago.
pantherclub
Footballguy
I am reluctant to give you guys an update on my crazy ### situation because I doubt you care but there is a small amount of relief from posting the insane shenanigans of my MIL and my wifes sister.
Just delusional and psychotic behavior is creating a great amount of stress in our marriage. Not between my wife and I just something that we have to deal with. This sucks royally. And its all over money that we could give two ####s about.
Just delusional and psychotic behavior is creating a great amount of stress in our marriage. Not between my wife and I just something that we have to deal with. This sucks royally. And its all over money that we could give two ####s about.
phatdawg
Footballguy
Are you kidding? Hearing about crazy situations is a big part of the allure of the FFA.
Gawain
Footballguy
All of these stories hit very close to home to me. My folks split up when I was three, my dad remarried and had two more boys. Because of the age difference, we're not tremendously close, but I'm worried that when my dad goes (he's 67, plans to continue working for another three years and 300+ lbs with a history of heart problems) the relationship I do have with my brothers could easily be negatively impacted. Pop's remarried to a woman who just turned 60, he's fairly cheap and he just asked me to assume executor responsibility.
This thread serves as a warning about how not to approach the inevitable (knock on wood, not for a long, long time) and I am very interested in all posts.
Godsbrother
Footballguy
My parents are 91 (Happy Birthday today Dad!) and 87. My siblings and I are looking at finding a small assisted-living apartment for them now but Dad's been retired for close to 30 years and they've blown through all their cash so there is nothing to fight over except for paintings, china, jewelry, etc, None of which I care about.
mr roboto
Footballguy
Serious question for Yankee and/or other lawyers who visit this thread...
Is there a nearly lock-tight way to avoid this ####? Like a revocable trust of very good will updated every 5 years or something? Like 'I don't care what bat-#### crazy sister thinks she deserves, here's what she gets.'
Obviously if the person signs power of attorney to someone with no scruples or gets conned there's no way around that.
In other words, how many of the contentious cases come down to poor planning by the deceased?
My dad died when I was 7, my grandparents on his side just a few years ago. I knew everything about the will, trust, pour-over will, last wishes/directives and power of attorney (it was easy because I was the only relative). My dad and grandparents were prepared.
My in laws are in their early 60s. I have experience with these issues and my SIL's family owns 15 assisted care facilities so she sees hundreds of people pass away every year. We both asked our in laws if they had any planning at all. None. They were upset we even asked. They refuse to discuss it. Not even medical wishes. Drives my wife crazy.
Is there a nearly lock-tight way to avoid this ####? Like a revocable trust of very good will updated every 5 years or something? Like 'I don't care what bat-#### crazy sister thinks she deserves, here's what she gets.'
Obviously if the person signs power of attorney to someone with no scruples or gets conned there's no way around that.
In other words, how many of the contentious cases come down to poor planning by the deceased?
My dad died when I was 7, my grandparents on his side just a few years ago. I knew everything about the will, trust, pour-over will, last wishes/directives and power of attorney (it was easy because I was the only relative). My dad and grandparents were prepared.
My in laws are in their early 60s. I have experience with these issues and my SIL's family owns 15 assisted care facilities so she sees hundreds of people pass away every year. We both asked our in laws if they had any planning at all. None. They were upset we even asked. They refuse to discuss it. Not even medical wishes. Drives my wife crazy.
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