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horror stories of greed after a family member dies (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Deranged Hermit
- Start date
do tell:
Cold Dead Hands
Footballguy
When my grandmother died, my mother was named executor. I have 3 uncles. All lived a significant distance away from my grandmother. My mother and I lived within 20 minutes, which makes no difference in this story. The entire estate (paltry) was to be split 4 ways equally. Everything was to be auctioned but the house, which went through the normal sale route. I was in college and my grandmother had an old canister vacuum, probably worth 5 bucks at auction. It sounded like a freight train. When we were cleaning out the house and getting things set out for the auction, it was agreed by everyone that I could just take the vacuum. I offered to buy it at the auction, but everyone said it was ok. I took the vacuum. My oldest uncle later (talking 2 months) decides that he thinks the value of the vacuum was $20, and feels like he was robbed of $5 minus auction fees... so $4.50ish? My mom didn't tell me about it for a few years, and when she did she said that her brother hadn't talked to her in a few years because she had flat refused to cave.
That weekend I drove 4.5 hours to his house with the vacuum. He wasn't home when I got there, which is fortunate because I was still pretty angry. So I left the vacuum on his porch and slid an envelope containing $5 inside his storm door. This was 2004. He and I haven't spoken since but he is now on good terms with my mom.
That weekend I drove 4.5 hours to his house with the vacuum. He wasn't home when I got there, which is fortunate because I was still pretty angry. So I left the vacuum on his porch and slid an envelope containing $5 inside his storm door. This was 2004. He and I haven't spoken since but he is now on good terms with my mom.
sbonomo
Footballguy
how do these people live with themselves? i am so glad my family is not like this....
BowieMercs
Footballguy
Since he has the vacuum now, he owes you the $5 back, plus he owes $5 each to his 2 brothers & your mother.
roadkill1292
Footballguy
Deranged Hermit
Not cool & Pissed
This story actually ended up ok. Turns out the sister was diagnosed with a mental disorder (I never found out which one), got put on meds and is back to her former self. Reconciled with her husband, got counseling and is absolutely mortified about how she acted. She dropped the court case and they split up everything as they should have.
James Daulton
Footballguy
You could always sleep with the MIL and sister. With all that's going on your wife probably wouldn't even notice.
boots11234
Footballguy
Dad just passed. He had all monies devided up in a trust so we are good there. We are now going to move all stuff out of house and have some sort of valuation put on it then draft the stuff.
Swing 51
Footballguy
Todem
Footballguy
Yes you can control from the grave. Once the grantor dies the trust becomes Irrevocable. We just had one of our clients amend her trust (with the help and guidance of an estate attorney) with specific instructions for her daughter upon her demise. She is a spend thrift. They was she has laid out her trust she will ex amount a year and never be able to touch the principal. Basically an income annuity for her. Otherwise the mom is afraid she will run through the money in no time (along with her husband whom she hates with a passion).
We have also seen concepts for clients who come from wealth where parents will set up special marital trusts to make sure a future spouse can't clean them out in case of a divorce. Not a prenuptial, an actual special trust that puts a heavy layer of armor on assets from a future divorce. State of Florida (don't know about the rest of the country).
Being a wealth/portfolio manager I have seen and been involved in my fair share of outright disgusting and despicable behavior by family members after the death of a parent, uncle, brother, or sister, as well as grandparents.
it brings out the very worst in people. We promote detailed planning to our clients to avoid all issues. But you can lead a horse to water.....if they don't drink then it is what it will become upon their demise.
Last edited by a moderator:
Chadstroma
Footballguy
I went through and did everything. Trusts, Will, POA, Medical POA, and Living Will. (I think that was everything) One note- a POA dies with the principle and becomes useless. POA is only good for acting on behalf of the principle while they are still alive.
Essentially, yes, it comes down to poor planning or more often the case- no planning. Once you are gone it does not matter what you intended to do, if you did not set it up in legal documents then the laws of the state through probate court will decide for you and potentially your loved ones will be fighting over dumb things as outlined in this thread. Pretty much once you outline your intention, unless you totally mess it up and allow for a lot of interpretation or some sort of legal issue, then the legal document has to be followed either via the trust or will.
Intentionally not doing any planning is a horrible thing to do for your loved ones. The more assets you have then the more important it is to do it but even with minimal assets loved ones can and do fight over items of little monetary value but perhaps sentimental value. I don't know why someone with wealth would not take the time to protect that wealth (taxes are a witch without doing anything) and protect their families from fighting by paying a lawyer some cash to write some docs up.
pantherclub
Footballguy
::::sigh::::
Dealing with a narcissistic person in your family is one giant bummer. It truly never ever effing ends.
Strangely when this was all breaking down last night I thought of this thread
Dealing with a narcissistic person in your family is one giant bummer. It truly never ever effing ends.
Strangely when this was all breaking down last night I thought of this thread
Henry Ford
Footballguy
Best setup I ever saw was a guy who created all the relevant documents, got all the kids together in a room, and went through each one with them in front of me as potential executor and asked them “do you understand what that means?” for each document. Taped the whole thing. Kids were weirded out and pissed at the time but when he passed they all talked about how their friends had so many nightmares they never had to deal with.
G
Guest
Guest
Don't be so sure and count on it literally. There is always the church and charities like the SPCA, local hospital, college, political issue, disease of the week, phone solitciter, neighbor, cousin, friend, 2nd spouse, step child, care taker that may swoop in and change it up without your knowledge. Just because you are an only child don't assume entitlement to anything. Work hard. Love, respect and help your parents and we'll see.
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