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My girlfriend is close friends with her ex-boyfriend


Buckfast 1

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Either dump her or tell her what you just told us.

Her response will dictate the next steps.

What would make you happy?

1. Her cutting off all contact with him?

2. Her reducing all contact with him?

a. How much reduced contact? No more lunches? No phone calls? Only coming by for the dog when you're there?

3. None of the above? If so, just end it.

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Aren't you the one with the crazy, hot former Maxim girl or something? Kudos to you on ditching her and finding a logical, fantastic girl.

So don't let illogic ruin it. I was the ex-BF in this situation (sans dog). I was NOT banging the ex-gf -- she was just one of my most trusted confidantes and best friends. I wouldn't feel as jealous nor as bad as people are making you feel.

And your discomfort with the whole situation? Face it -- it comes from the possibility of them banging, otherwise there's absolutely no problem.

I get that my discomfort is probably somewhat linked to the possibility of them banging, even though rationally I think that possibility is extremely low. But I think that emotion is deeply ingrained from millions of years of the evolutionary process wherein men are programmed to protect their mate from outside sperm competition.

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Been sitting here in the office, reading the responses, thinking about being married with three kids, the responsibilities, mortgage payment, soccer practices, waking up in the middle of the night to one of the kids vomiting, never sleeping in on weekends for nine years, worried about how to pay for college, coming home to by dog's diarrhea on the carpet....and thinking to myself....what would I do in that situation?

YOU'RE SINGLE. DUMP HER AND GO GET SOME MORE HIGH QUALITY POONANY. DO IT FOR ME. DO IT FOR ALL OF US!!!!!!

This is the correct road to take.

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Aren't you the one with the crazy, hot former Maxim girl or something? Kudos to you on ditching her and finding a logical, fantastic girl.

So don't let illogic ruin it. I was the ex-BF in this situation (sans dog). I was NOT banging the ex-gf -- she was just one of my most trusted confidantes and best friends. I wouldn't feel as jealous nor as bad as people are making you feel.

And your discomfort with the whole situation? Face it -- it comes from the possibility of them banging, otherwise there's absolutely no problem.

Yeah, I tolerated way too much bull#### from that hot crazy #####. Finally leaving her after 8 years was the best decision of my life.

I get that my discomfort is probably somewhat linked to the possibility of them banging, even though rationally I think that possibility is extremely low. But I think that emotion is deeply ingrained from millions of years of the evolutionary process wherein men are programmed to protect their mate from outside sperm competition.

the dude comes over to play with the dog while you're not there. yeah the odds are crazy low. probably a million to one. lmao.

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Yeah, I told her from the beginning that I didn't have a problem with her being friends with her ex because I knew they shared a dog, and I wasn't going to try to interfere with him seeing the dog. I also share a dog with my ex, so I was in a similar position at the time. However, since that time, I realized that an ongoing friendship with my ex wasn't going to be feasible, so I have basically cut my ex out of my life completely (except for a brief dog exchange maybe once every month or two). I have learned over time that my girlfriend and ex's friendship is closer than what I initially expected. I think my evolving position on the ex-boyfriend is definitely justified by the increasing seriousness of our own relationship and the more-then-expected contact she has with him.

There you go.

"Look, I know what I said at the beginning of our relationship, but things have changed since then. I really dig your chili and I want to spend more time developing our relationship because I honestly think it's worth taking to the next level. I don't mind that you see your ex occasionally and can appreciate your friendship with him, but every time you have dinner with him is a dinner I have to eat alone. And that sucks, because I'd MUCH rather be eating with you. He had his chance....."

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Yeah, I told her from the beginning that I didn't have a problem with her being friends with her ex because I knew they shared a dog, and I wasn't going to try to interfere with him seeing the dog. I also share a dog with my ex, so I was in a similar position at the time. However, since that time, I realized that an ongoing friendship with my ex wasn't going to be feasible, so I have basically cut my ex out of my life completely (except for a brief dog exchange maybe once every month or two). I have learned over time that my girlfriend and ex's friendship is closer than what I initially expected. I think my evolving position on the ex-boyfriend is definitely justified by the increasing seriousness of our own relationship and the more-then-expected contact she has with him.

There you go.

"Look, I know what I said at the beginning of our relationship, but things have changed since then. I really dig your chili and I want to spend more time developing our relationship because I honestly think it's worth taking to the next level. I don't mind that you see your ex occasionally and can appreciate your friendship with him, but every time you have dinner with him is a dinner I have to eat alone. And that sucks, because I'd MUCH rather be eating you. He had his chance....."

:lmao:

This is actually good ,but :lmao:

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Either dump her or tell her what you just told us.

Her response will dictate the next steps.

What would make you happy?

1. Her cutting off all contact with him?

2. Her reducing all contact with him?

a. How much reduced contact? No more lunches? No phone calls? Only coming by for the dog when you're there?

3. None of the above? If so, just end it.

I've never considered giving her an ultimatum about her ex. I don't think that would be reasonable considering that they have a dog together and I have no reason to believe that they have any ongoing sexual relationship. I think I am planning on asking for significantly reduced contact with him and trying to figure out some reasonable boundaries. It seems like she may be open to this based on her text message earlier today.

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Aren't you the one with the crazy, hot former Maxim girl or something? Kudos to you on ditching her and finding a logical, fantastic girl.

So don't let illogic ruin it. I was the ex-BF in this situation (sans dog). I was NOT banging the ex-gf -- she was just one of my most trusted confidantes and best friends. I wouldn't feel as jealous nor as bad as people are making you feel.

And your discomfort with the whole situation? Face it -- it comes from the possibility of them banging, otherwise there's absolutely no problem.

Yeah, I tolerated way too much bull#### from that hot crazy #####. Finally leaving her after 8 years was the best decision of my life.

I get that my discomfort is probably somewhat linked to the possibility of them banging, even though rationally I think that possibility is extremely low. But I think that emotion is deeply ingrained from millions of years of the evolutionary process wherein men are programmed to protect their mate from outside sperm competition.

First bolded: Good for you, dude. That must have been tough.

Second bolded: Totally relate and I'm a bit of a jealous type. I can remember the same girl I'm talking about keeping friends with her exes and hating it until I met them. Now that I'm on the other side, I realize, "Oh, she wasn't fooling around. She just is a good person."

And I dismissed Pickles's point, but it's not terrible in its entirety, really. I'd take the opposite opinion and encourage you to not care, but it's really your state of mind about it and how she reacts to it. She sounds like she's pretty understanding, and I wish you well.

Good luck.

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Yeah, I told her from the beginning that I didn't have a problem with her being friends with her ex because I knew they shared a dog, and I wasn't going to try to interfere with him seeing the dog. I also share a dog with my ex, so I was in a similar position at the time. However, since that time, I realized that an ongoing friendship with my ex wasn't going to be feasible, so I have basically cut my ex out of my life completely (except for a brief dog exchange maybe once every month or two). I have learned over time that my girlfriend and ex's friendship is closer than what I initially expected. I think my evolving position on the ex-boyfriend is definitely justified by the increasing seriousness of our own relationship and the more-then-expected contact she has with him.

There you go.

"Look, I know what I said at the beginning of our relationship, but things have changed since then. I really dig your chili and I want to spend more time developing our relationship because I honestly think it's worth taking to the next level. I don't mind that you see your ex occasionally and can appreciate your friendship with him, but every time you have dinner with him is a dinner I have to eat alone. And that sucks, because I'd MUCH rather be eating with you. He had his chance....."

This is on point.

If she reacts negatively end it. If she's receptive to this and makes the changes then you're good to go, yes?

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Either dump her or tell her what you just told us.

Her response will dictate the next steps.

What would make you happy?

1. Her cutting off all contact with him?

2. Her reducing all contact with him?

a. How much reduced contact? No more lunches? No phone calls? Only coming by for the dog when you're there?

3. None of the above? If so, just end it.

I've never considered giving her an ultimatum about her ex. I don't think that would be reasonable considering that they have a dog together and I have no reason to believe that they have any ongoing sexual relationship. I think I am planning on asking for significantly reduced contact with him and trying to figure out some reasonable boundaries. It seems like she may be open to this based on her text message earlier today.

All you can do is tell her how you feel.

Just make sure you know what you want from it beforehand.

If she can't or won't listen or meet you in the middle, regardless of who is right/wrong, end it.

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Strange advice in this thread...what I'm going to say isn't the most ethical, but it's what you should do:

Keep banging her while you look for another one.

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Sounds very similar to the last girl that I dated. :tinfoilhat:

How'd that work out?

She was lying and/or not being completely serious. Everything unraveled after I caught her in one lie (not even about the ex or the continuing friendship with him) and she hasn't been able to say a word to me since.

Also, just guessing that her relationship actually ended with him and/or her cheating. Hope that isn't the case here, but just sayin'.

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Aren't you the one with the crazy, hot former Maxim girl or something? Kudos to you on ditching her and finding a logical, fantastic girl.

So don't let illogic ruin it. I was the ex-BF in this situation (sans dog). I was NOT banging the ex-gf -- she was just one of my most trusted confidantes and best friends. I wouldn't feel as jealous nor as bad as people are making you feel.

And your discomfort with the whole situation? Face it -- it comes from the possibility of them banging, otherwise there's absolutely no problem.

Yeah, I tolerated way too much bull#### from that hot crazy #####. Finally leaving her after 8 years was the best decision of my life.

I get that my discomfort is probably somewhat linked to the possibility of them banging, even though rationally I think that possibility is extremely low. But I think that emotion is deeply ingrained from millions of years of the evolutionary process wherein men are programmed to protect their mate from outside sperm competition.

the dude comes over to play with the dog while you're not there. yeah the odds are crazy low. probably a million to one. lmao.

The ex loves all of nature, while he's there he plays with the dog and the #####.

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Have you considered talking to the ex-bf?

I know the ex-boyfriend. He seems like a nice enough guy. But if I am going to handle this situation, then I am going to handle it through my girlfriend, not the ex-boyfriend.
Such a new millennium response. First thing you need to ask is what you want from her long term. If she's not marriage material then this guy is picking up some of the BF load for you. Good for him. If you want her long term, you have to get this guy into a violent game of racket ball or some ####. Punch him after he cheats at 8 ball. Take the fight to him bromigo.

She's definitely picking up some load.

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Yeah, I told her from the beginning that I didn't have a problem with her being friends with her ex because I knew they shared a dog, and I wasn't going to try to interfere with him seeing the dog. I also share a dog with my ex, so I was in a similar position at the time. However, since that time, I realized that an ongoing friendship with my ex wasn't going to be feasible, so I have basically cut my ex out of my life completely (except for a brief dog exchange maybe once every month or two). I have learned over time that my girlfriend and ex's friendship is closer than what I initially expected. I think my evolving position on the ex-boyfriend is definitely justified by the increasing seriousness of our own relationship and the more-then-expected contact she has with him.

How did gf respond to this?

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What is this joint custody of dogs with the ex thing? Is this common, or as common as you two each seem to make it. One person gets the pet and the other gets a new one. Ongoing custody exchanges with the ex seem insane to me, but perhaps I just lack the sensitivity to see going through that headache.

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Bunch of insecure ####s in here.

Or, living in reality.

In this age of hyper-connectivity and equality you really think that demanding she cut off all ties is either doable or healthy?

Force her to choose between you two and she'll either communicate with him behind your back or resent you for making the choice.

Be a man and allow her to have a life that isn't just you, and the relationship might have a shot.

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Bunch of insecure ####s in here.

Or, living in reality.

In this age of hyper-connectivity and equality you really think that demanding she cut off all ties is either doable or healthy?

Force her to choose between you two and she'll either communicate with him behind your back or resent you for making the choice.

Be a man and allow her to have a life that isn't just you, and the relationship might have a shot.

Demand? No, I would just be out looking for someone who doesn't spend time with her ex.

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I've never looked at her phone to see what type of things she texts with her ex-boyfriend, but I would interested to see them and I could easily do so if I wanted without her knowing. But that just feels way too much like the type of thing that my crazy ex would do.

Do you think I should ask her tonight if I could see the texts from her ex-boyfriend, as that might put me more at ease about the nature of their relationship? She has asked to see emails from my ex, and I have showed them to her. If she resists, that is another thing that I think would make me walk.

I'm just kind of on the fence about whether I should ask to see the text messages. It's not something that I would normally do.

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How long have they been broken up for? Sometimes these things just take time to fizzle out for good. Especially with a dog they both cared for. I wonder if you were to tell her that you didn't feel comfortable with her communicating with the ex outside of coordinating the dog if eventually they'd stop seeing each other all together?

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I think it's pretty ####### ridiculous that we expect someone - who dated or married someone - to discontinue all contact with said person because you started a relationship. You're really that seriously threatened?

Grow up. What if the dog in this situation were 2 kids they shared. Would you still expect that they don't contact each other.

Adults can actually manage friendships post-relationship without screwing each other

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I've never looked at her phone to see what type of things she texts with her ex-boyfriend, but I would interested to see them and I could easily do so if I wanted without her knowing. But that just feels way too much like the type of thing that my crazy ex would do.

Do you think I should ask her tonight if I could see the texts from her ex-boyfriend, as that might put me more at ease about the nature of their relationship? She has asked to see emails from my ex, and I have showed them to her. If she resists, that is another thing that I think would make me walk.

I'm just kind of on the fence about whether I should ask to see the text messages. It's not something that I would normally do.

Do not do this. If you are at that stage of insecurity this thing is destined to fail no matter the content. Save your dignity and leave amicably and with as much maturity as you can muster.

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Bunch of insecure ####s in here.

Or, living in reality.

In this age of hyper-connectivity and equality you really think that demanding she cut off all ties is either doable or healthy?

Force her to choose between you two and she'll either communicate with him behind your back or resent you for making the choice.

Be a man and allow her to have a life that isn't just you, and the relationship might have a shot.

there is a large gap between "contact with ex-BF" and "ex-BF coming over to play with the dog, and dinner dates with ex-BF". I mean good lord people.

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Someone explained this "shared dog" thing? Is this like Woz paying for his ex's cell phone?

I imagine, for some reason, both parties became attached to the dog and didn't want to never see it again.

Strange concept for a heartless, backstabbing, itsy-bitsy-spider to understand. :angry:

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I think it's pretty ####### ridiculous that we expect someone - who dated or married someone - to discontinue all contact with said person because you started a relationship. You're really that seriously threatened?

Grow up. What if the dog in this situation were 2 kids they shared. Would you still expect that they don't contact each other.

Adults can actually manage friendships post-relationship without screwing each other

they're going on dinner dates brosef.

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Someone explained this "shared dog" thing? Is this like Woz paying for his ex's cell phone?

I imagine, for some reason, both parties became attached to the dog and didn't want to never see it again.

Strange concept for a heartless, backstabbing, itsy-bitsy-spider to understand. :angry:

Spiders don't stab, they bite.

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It's the ongoing joint cell phone plan that really gets you in trouble.

:lmao:

She paid for her ex-boyfriend's cell phone plan for over a year after they broke up. Oh god, am I dating Woz?!? He repaid her by cleaning her bathrooms every month. While I got some slight enjoyment knowing that her ex was scrubbing my fecal matter from the inside the toilet bowl, I eventually told her that arrangment needed to stop, so she eventually cut him off of her plan.

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