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Wooing my neighbor: I came. I hugged. I wooed. Now moving on.


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On the cheese, put me down for preferring simple ol' american pasteurized processed cheese food on burgers. As Scooch said, it melts better and doesn't detract her attention from the meat she's putting in her mouth. I do like the slightly more expensive Kraft slices (I think they might even be called "sharp" singles). Melts like 'murican, but has a little more flavor.

I only mentioned frozen patties because, in my experience, a decent frozen patty is better than most people's backyard burger. I expect so even more when someone swears by their backyard burgers. Scooch's method sounds nice. One problem most run into is the grind size. The ground beef you get from the grocery store is a really coarse grind, which really adds to the problem. A good burger, assuming you aren't grinding yourself, needs a really fine grind. A good frozen patty will often have a finer grind than the fresh beef sold at grocery stores.

I still think some salmon and grilled veggies is worth considering (along with some dogs for the kids). I can understand keeping it simple for a first backyard bbq, and maybe that is the best route, but salmon and veggies is super simple. More importantly, it's very good and while very simple, still lends more opportunities for her (and maybe the kids) to get involved in the grilling process (get the kids shucking corn, her seasoning the salmon and/or asparagus, etc). They'll have fun and have a delicious meal, which is what you're after. You knock the first one out, and they are coming back. Salmon and veggies is fairly easy to knock out of the park without looking like you're trying too hard, imo (so long as you don't overcook the salmon or the asparagus). 

They'll remember salmon and grilled veggies. I know you're burger game is strong. It better be because they've had burgers and dogs on a backyard grill a few thousand times by now.

BTW, what is your grill situation?

 

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2 minutes ago, ChiefD said:

Man, you don't want her having to do anything like help cook on the first date. She needs to sit back and watch the Colonel as he owns that sh.it.

 

No idea why that would turn her off. When decent people come over to a back yard bbq, they really want something to do. Particularly a small one with literally no adult to talk to outside of the host. He is certainly welcome to tell her to sit down and relax, but in this case, "sit down, relax, I got this" just means watch all these damn kids.

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10 minutes ago, pollardsvision said:

No idea why that would turn her off. When decent people come over to a back yard bbq, they really want something to do. Particularly a small one with literally no adult to talk to outside of the host. He is certainly welcome to tell her to sit down and relax, but in this case, "sit down, relax, I got this" just means watch all these damn kids.

This is a good point.

Colonel, have her smash your meat into patties. 

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1 hour ago, gianmarco said:
1 hour ago, Ned said:

Odds he yells out an FBG name at climax is currently set at 5:2. 

Odds it's Dickie Dunn is 3:1.

I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.

 

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2 hours ago, pollardsvision said:

No idea why that would turn her off. When decent people come over to a back yard bbq, they really want something to do. 

This.  Probably an ideal time for a neg.  You need to demonstrate value.  Tell her a woman's place is in the kitchen and she can help with the dishes.  

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47 minutes ago, Soootch said:

I totally get the hate for Kraft singles. I don't make my burgers that often, so I end up throwing away 3/4 full packs of them because they're not good for anything else. 

That said, watch this starting around 2:00 to understand how the perfect burger is constructed. We're not making coq au vin here, folks. A cheeseburger speaks to our childhood selves who went nuts with excitement when mom gave in and took us to McDonald's. 

I am so incredibly drunk and stoned right now, I'd be remiss if I didn't divulge that,

 

Dude. They don't expire for like 24 years. They're fine. 

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9 minutes ago, fred_1_15301 said:

Am I the only one who actually expects our hero to hit a home run the night of the BBQ?  I have a good feeling about this   :popcorn:  

Nope. NRJ isn't Em.  He's a FBG.

The thing that sucks is I'm not going to get an update in the Making a Murderers thread anytime soon and I am a bit salty about that. But it's to a good and noble cause so what the heck.

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1 minute ago, TheAristocrat said:

Nope. NRJ isn't Em.  He's a FBG.

The thing that sucks is I'm not going to get an update in the Making a Murderers thread anytime soon and I am a bit salty about that. But it's to a good and noble cause so what the heck.

I'm almost done with day 19. Should finish up tomorrow. GOOD stuff, too. :popcorn: 

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AR can spin a tale. But his adventures are like a big Hollywood summer blockbuster. They are amazing and you leave with disbelieve of what you just saw.

But then you have NRJ his tale is like a well done indie film. Or maybe an inspiring documentary. The kind of film that lifts your spirits and makes you think that anyone has a chance to be a hero at least for one day. 

 

Go get her NRJ go get her. 

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2 hours ago, Wooderson said:

AR can spin a tale. But his adventures are like a big Hollywood summer blockbuster. They are amazing and you leave with disbelieve of what you just saw.

But then you have NRJ his tale is like a well done indie film. Or maybe an inspiring documentary. The kind of film that lifts your spirits and makes you think that anyone has a chance to be a hero at least for one day.  As long as it doesn't rain.

 

Go get her NRJ go get her. 

 

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9 hours ago, Chemical X said:

first off, the move is stuffing the burgers with cheese, letting it melt inside.

 

next, menu should be traditional bayou IMO.  so, crawfish boil, potatoes, snapping turtle, gator, chupacabra.  

 

 

Nothing says "let's do it" like shellfish soaked hands. 

Keep it simple. This isn't Mardi Gras 

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The easiest way to set your burgers apart from the average backyard burger is through a buttered, toasted bun.  As soon as you pull the burgers off, braise the inside of the buns with some butter and throw them on the grill for a couple minutes until they are golden brown with some grill marks.  Not only will your burgers will have better flavor, better texture, and better appearance, it will also show off a craftsmanship and attention to detail that women find sexy. 

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1 hour ago, Buckfast 1 said:

The easiest way to set your burgers apart from the average backyard burger is through a buttered, toasted bun.  As soon as you pull the burgers off, braise the inside of the buns with some butter and throw them on the grill for a couple minutes until they are golden brown with some grill marks.  Not only will your burgers will have better flavor, better texture, and better appearance, it will also show off a craftsmanship and attention to detail that women find sexy. 

 

I don't think this means what you think it means.

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