echoing facook - having gone thru a couple of mid life turmoils myself - the most important thing is your kid. My 12 year old dog just died and I have more mental health demons that I should admit to, but my son - lets just say that is the sauce. I am divorced from his mom so our relationship was not always easy but when it hits the fan - he knows where to turn. Now that he is 19 and living with me FT ( until college starts again) and doing great - that is all that matters. Work on that relationship. I guess I always figured I had one kid to raise right, I could always make more $ or do what I needed to do for me (particularly when his mom tried to put to him in the middle of stuff and I just wouldn't do that to him. I would rather let her "win" than drag my kid thru that) and you know what - he is old enough now to figure that ish out and we have an awesome relationship! Hope this helps in some small way with what you have on your mind!
That is awesome and I can definitely relate to a lot of what you said. My son's mom took off when she was 8 months pregnant and has now been married to a woman for about 8 years and they somehow have another 4 kids, my son is the oldest.
I've had half custody of him since he was 9 months old and my life pretty much revolved around him when he's with me. I've never had to hire a babysitter and I try to stay in the same room with him when he's here because I'm sure there isn't enough attention to go around.
I've been in the same house since he was born, his mom moves pretty much every 12 months or so and 8th grade will actually be the first time in his life he's got to go to the same school 2 years in a row.
So I've tried to be the "stable" one all through the years and I've always paid full child support despite the custody arrangement just to ensure his quality of life. He grew pretty close to my last girlfriend that I was with a couple years up until about a year ago. Things kind of fell apart and I cut off all connections with her pretty much as soon as she moved out due to sore feelings. I intended to immerse myself into work as it was the busy season anyways and I hadn't been giving it my usual focus.
By the time I came up for air, she was in a relationship with another guy. Figured it was a rebound and I'd get her back when it ended. Found out through a friend she got engaged 3 weeks ago to the dude and I've been sulking since.
I'm pretty sure my kid holds it against me that I didn't marry that girl because our relationship has been trash since then. I see so much of myself in him, he is basically a mini me. He just refuses to watch or participate in sports to spite me. I was kind of the same way and actually went from the talented and gifted classes in elementary school to failing 7th grade just to be a rebel.
I do think he is being fed stuff about "how bad of a person" I am because his mom's wife and mother are not fans of hooter, mostly do to lies his mother has told. I've never been the kind of sling mud so hopefully he's never heard me utter a bad word about his mother. I don't want to force him to hang out with me, but he hasn't responded to the last 30-40 offers to do something. I'll keep trying obviously, but I also don't want to feel like I'm negotiating with a terrorist.
Apologies for the rant, thanks for listening.