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Weird People in your office/work bathroom and Office nicknames!


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A co-worker and I have noticed the weirdest happenings in our bathroom at work.  We have about 60-70 guys in the building (two stalls).  Do any of you have anyone weird or is this just messed up? We even have nick-named some of them and figured out who most were.

Guy #1 - "The Wiper" Any time the dude drops a #2 he's wiping for :30 to :45 seconds each time.  It sounds like you're taking your hands to "pray" and rubbing them up and down.  It sounds like sand-paper. I hope he's wiping.

Guy#2 - This guy is always pooping. He's in there for 30 minutes at a time, but every :10 to :15 seconds he rips off a tiny piece/square of TP. Almost like collecting them through his poop. From what it sounds like is he has a stack of TP almost like a stack of playing cards once he's complete.  He also wipes with his feet tilted (like his ankles) rolled.  Clearly OCD  confirmed  weird IT guy  

Guy#3 - This guy walks in grabs a paper towel.  Holds the paper-towel against the wall, almost like he's being frisked. Takes a pee, flushes the toilet with the paper towel and then walks out without washing his hands.  Apparently this is fine because he touched nothing? not even his D....

Guy#4 -  Harry Potter (looks like him) Brushes his teeth 4 times a day.  Weird but not overly-weird.

Guy#5 -  Steve the Pirate (Looks like the guy from Dodgeball) Stands over the sink-picking his face inches from the mirror.  I get it, it's a guys bathroom, it's not a gym however.... See guy 6.

Guy#6 - Uncle Rico, changes every lunch into shorts, goes outside throws a football over a fence, then chases after it like a puppy dog, stretches with kendo-sticks, and sprints laps around the building.  He then comes in and uses one of our two precious stalls for 45 minutes trying to make himself not smell the rest of the day. The bathroom smells like a can of axe. He’s our corporate challenge best runner, and is around 60.  His kid played D3 ball and was pretty good but not NFL worthy and you’d hear him at his desk falling front offices trying to get an open tryout.  

Edited by Gottabesweet
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Guy #1 - grabs a tissue to hold his wang whenever he pees.

Guy #2 - hippo sprays the back of the toilet.  This guy is unknown, but he trainwrecks the back stall every time he takes a dump.

Guy #3 - whether he took a crap or a piss, never EVER washed his hands.  We called him "booger" and before his company left the floor, by the end we were yelling at him to wash his hands.  Also, appeared to wear the exact same pair of pants every day I ever saw him.

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4 minutes ago, Gottabesweet said:

A co-worker and I have noticed the weirdest happenings in our bathroom at work.  We have about 60-70 guys in the building (two stalls).  Do any of you have anyone weird or is this just messed up? We even have nick-named some of them and figured out who most were.

Guy #1 - "The Wiper" Any time the dude drops a #2 he's wiping for :30 to :45 seconds each time.  It sounds like you're taking your hands to "pray" and rubbing them up and down.  It sounds like sand-paper. I hope he's wiping.

Guy#2 - This guy is always pooping. He's in there for 30 minutes at a time, but every :10 to :15 seconds he rips off a tiny piece/square of TP. Almost like collecting them through his poop. From what it sounds like is he has a stack of TP almost like a stack of playing cards once he's complete.  He also wipes with his feet tilted (like his ankles) rolled.

Guy#3 - This guy walks in grabs a paper towel.  Holds the paper-towel against the wall, almost like he's being frisked. Takes a pee, flushes the toilet with the paper towel and then walks out without washing his hands.  Apparently this is fine because he touched nothing? not even his D....

Guy#4 -  Brushes his teeth 4 times a day.  Weird but not overly-weird.

Guy#5 -  Stands over the sink-picking his face inches from the mirror.  I get it, it's a guys bathroom, it's not a gym however.... See guy 6.

Guy#6 - Uncle Rico, changes every lunch into shorts, goes outside throws a football over a fence, then chases after it like a puppy dog, stretches with kendo-sticks, and sprints laps around the building.  He then comes, uses one of our two precious stalls for 45 minutes trying to make himself not smell the rest of the day. The bathroom smells like a can of axe.

#1 - i don't get how wiping for 30-45 seconds is weird.  Seems standard.

#2 - very weird.  guess maybe wants something to do while dumping but that's what phones are for

#3 - using paper towel to avoid touching things in bathroom is normal.  Not washing hands a bit odd but if he isn't touching anything seems fine.

#4 - brushing is good, he probably does it after he eats something.  Probably overkill but fine and wouldn't really stand out to me.

#5 - Occasionally would be ok, if he's doing it every time he goes to bathroom pretty odd.  

#6 - kinda funny but if no showers in the building getting all sweaty in middle of work day is gross.

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13 minutes ago, Gottabesweet said:

A co-worker and I have noticed the weirdest happenings in our bathroom at work.  We have about 60-70 guys in the building (two stalls).  Do any of you have anyone weird or is this just messed up? We even have nick-named some of them and figured out who most were.

Guy #1 - "The Wiper" Any time the dude drops a #2 he's wiping for :30 to :45 seconds each time.  It sounds like you're taking your hands to "pray" and rubbing them up and down.  It sounds like sand-paper. I hope he's wiping.

Guy#2 - This guy is always pooping. He's in there for 30 minutes at a time, but every :10 to :15 seconds he rips off a tiny piece/square of TP. Almost like collecting them through his poop. From what it sounds like is he has a stack of TP almost like a stack of playing cards once he's complete.  He also wipes with his feet tilted (like his ankles) rolled.

Guy#3 - This guy walks in grabs a paper towel.  Holds the paper-towel against the wall, almost like he's being frisked. Takes a pee, flushes the toilet with the paper towel and then walks out without washing his hands.  Apparently this is fine because he touched nothing? not even his D....

Guy#4 -  Harry Potter (looks like him) Brushes his teeth 4 times a day.  Weird but not overly-weird.

Guy#5 -  Steve the Pirate (Looks like the guy from Dodgeball) Stands over the sink-picking his face inches from the mirror.  I get it, it's a guys bathroom, it's not a gym however.... See guy 6.

Guy#6 - Uncle Rico, changes every lunch into shorts, goes outside throws a football over a fence, then chases after it like a puppy dog, stretches with kendo-sticks, and sprints laps around the building.  He then comes in and uses one of our two precious stalls for 45 minutes trying to make himself not smell the rest of the day. The bathroom smells like a can of axe.

 

 

Guy # 7  -- that dude who has a $hit-habit rolodex of everyone at his job

Edited by AhrnCityPahnder
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1 minute ago, ILUVBEER99 said:

#1 - i don't get how wiping for 30-45 seconds is weird.  Seems standard.   It's 30-45 seconds of straight wiping, up and down motion. No breaks, no getting more toilet paper or tossing it.

#2 - very weird.  guess maybe wants something to do while dumping but that's what phones are for  Thinking it's OCD or something

#3 - using paper towel to avoid touching things in bathroom is normal.  Not washing hands a bit odd but if he isn't touching anything seems fine. Still gross.

#4 - brushing is good, he probably does it after he eats something.  Probably overkill but fine and wouldn't really stand out to me.  Not too weird, just the only guy who does it.

#5 - Occasionally would be ok, if he's doing it every time he goes to bathroom pretty odd.  Enough for many to notice.

#6 - kinda funny but if no showers in the building getting all sweaty in middle of work day is gross. Getting ready for that Corporate Challenge.

 

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1 minute ago, Dr Oadi said:

Yes. We have this guy who watches others in the bathroom so much he knows all about their personal poop habits. 

Pretty damn weird if you ask me. 

Must be a ton of us then, it came up once "Have you ever noticed the guy in the bathroom that......"  And everyone did and then someone else would say "Or the guy who does this"  Never worked at a place where there were just weird dudes in the bathroom all the time.  Just go in, go and leave.  Playing around in there forever when we only have two stalls. 

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Just now, Ramblin Wreck said:

There's a guy in my office that follows me into the bathroom every time I ####.  And he takes notes and peeks through the door cracks.  Creep. 

He must make 4x as much as you.

 

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21 minutes ago, Gottabesweet said:

A co-worker and I have noticed the weirdest happenings in our bathroom at work.  We have about 60-70 guys in the building (two stalls).  Do any of you have anyone weird or is this just messed up? We even have nick-named some of them and figured out who most were.

Guy #1 - "The Wiper" Any time the dude drops a #2 he's wiping for :30 to :45 seconds each time.  It sounds like you're taking your hands to "pray" and rubbing them up and down.  It sounds like sand-paper. I hope he's wiping.

Guy#2 - This guy is always pooping. He's in there for 30 minutes at a time, but every :10 to :15 seconds he rips off a tiny piece/square of TP. Almost like collecting them through his poop. From what it sounds like is he has a stack of TP almost like a stack of playing cards once he's complete.  He also wipes with his feet tilted (like his ankles) rolled.

Guy#3 - This guy walks in grabs a paper towel.  Holds the paper-towel against the wall, almost like he's being frisked. Takes a pee, flushes the toilet with the paper towel and then walks out without washing his hands.  Apparently this is fine because he touched nothing? not even his D....

Guy#4 -  Harry Potter (looks like him) Brushes his teeth 4 times a day.  Weird but not overly-weird.

Guy#5 -  Steve the Pirate (Looks like the guy from Dodgeball) Stands over the sink-picking his face inches from the mirror.  I get it, it's a guys bathroom, it's not a gym however.... See guy 6.

Guy#6 - Uncle Rico, changes every lunch into shorts, goes outside throws a football over a fence, then chases after it like a puppy dog, stretches with kendo-sticks, and sprints laps around the building.  He then comes in and uses one of our two precious stalls for 45 minutes trying to make himself not smell the rest of the day. The bathroom smells like a can of axe.

The guy who knows what your feet are doing while wiping. Seriously dude,  WTF?

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Bunch of Guy #4s up in here.  Wouldn't be weird if they didn't do it so methodically.  One dude lays out his tools on a paper towel and goes about his business (including flossing of course).  Then he leaves the paper towel behind with his remnants of lunch on it.  Nasty.

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Just now, -OZ- said:

The guy who knows what your feet are doing while wiping. Seriously dude,  WTF?

When the guys foot next to me is almost in my stall and he's like doing circle motions with his ankle stretching it out because he's been in there for so long? Yeah people in the office take notice. Oh that's the guy with the ankles shaking because he sits in there for over an hour a day. A lot of us notice.  With only two stalls it's a joke when they are always double-barreled.

Looking like FBG's is the demographic of middle-aged bathroom weirdo's who sit in there all day and post on this message board. :lmao:

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1 minute ago, Gottabesweet said:

Looking like FBG's is the demographic of middle-aged bathroom weirdo's who sit in there all day and post on this message board. :lmao:

 

New here?  Of course it is.   I am their leader.   

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4 minutes ago, Osaurus said:

Bunch of Guy #4s up in here.  Wouldn't be weird if they didn't do it so methodically.  One dude lays out his tools on a paper towel and goes about his business (including flossing of course).  Then he leaves the paper towel behind with his remnants of lunch on it.  Nasty.

One dude leaves his un-covered coffee mug full by the sink.  I think it's gross, but to each his own.  Maybe it's just me, but I keep mine at my desk or in the café.

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6 minutes ago, Gottabesweet said:

One dude leaves his un-covered coffee mug full by the sink.  I think it's gross, but to each his own.  Maybe it's just me, but I keep mine at my desk or in the café.

This could go either way.   If there's coffee in it that he is going to continue drinking, yeah that's foul.   But, a lot of times I will combine my bathroom and kitchen trips.   If I'm headed to wash my mug out in the kitchen sink anyway, then I will leave it on the bathroom counter while I seize the day.  

Edited by AhrnCityPahnder
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We have someone who has built up a collection of boogers eye length over one of the urinals. So every time you go to take a piss it's hard not to look at one of the many boogers

 

I'd use the other urinal but its for midgets only

 

I usually use the paper towel after washing my hands to open the many doors back to my desk. I've seen too many people not wash their hands

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1 minute ago, VA703 said:

We have someone who has built up a collection of boogers eye length over one of the urinals. So every time you go to take a piss it's hard not to look at one of the many boogers

 

I'd use the other urinal but its for midgets only

 

I usually use the paper towel after washing my hands to open the many doors back to my desk. I've seen too many people not wash their hands

WTF?

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3 minutes ago, AhrnCityPahnder said:

This could go either way.   If there's coffee in it that he is going to continue drinking, yeah that's foul.   But, a lot of times I will combine my bathroom and kitchen trips.   If I'm headed to wash my mug out in the kitchen sink anyway, then I will leave it on the bathroom counter while I seize the day.  

Yeah I'm hoping he dumps it.

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4 minutes ago, VA703 said:

We have someone who has built up a collection of boogers eye length over one of the urinals. So every time you go to take a piss it's hard not to look at one of the many boogers

 

I'd use the other urinal but its for midgets only

 

I usually use the paper towel after washing my hands to open the many doors back to my desk. I've seen too many people not wash their hands

The paper-towel door opening pull.  The way to go when you work with a bunch of grimy goobers who don't wash.

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28 minutes ago, Gottabesweet said:

The paper-towel door opening pull.  The way to go when you work with a bunch of grimy goobers who don't wash.

Exactly. Not tryin to impress anyone at the office anyway     Brushing teeth in a bathroom that smells like #### is off my list too

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The only one that had me perplexed was a guy who came in, sat down in the stall next to me and clearly dropped a #2 - wiped, THEN stood up and took a piss.  I have no clue how or why he did it.  My buddy had one guess...My buddy hypothesized the guy was hung like a horse and if he took a piss sitting, he'd dunk his dong in poo water, so he'd learned to lay it over the side until he was done.

Edited by Fat Nick
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2 hours ago, Ramblin Wreck said:

There's a guy in my office that follows me into the bathroom every time I ####.  And he takes notes and peeks through the door cracks.  Creep. 

this leads to the question of why bathroom stalls have enough of a crack between door and divider, positioned exactly so that people can both look out and in.

why not put something opaque in there to prevent peeping?

 

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I go into the bathroom where all the executives go, then grunt a lot and say "I hate Goebbels" in a Southern accent as my poo hits the water.  Then I play with the toilet paper roller for three minutes, it's really annoying.   :thumbup:

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3 hours ago, AhrnCityPahnder said:

 

 

Guy # 7  -- that dude who has a $hit-habit rolodex of everyone at his job

I came here to say this.  I don't know the habits of other people in the bathroom because I keep my eyes down, take care of business ASAP and leave.

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5 hours ago, Gottabesweet said:

Guy#6 - Uncle Rico, changes every lunch into shorts, goes outside throws a football over a fence, then chases after it like a puppy dog, stretches with kendo-sticks, and sprints laps around the building.  He then comes in and uses one of our two precious stalls for 45 minutes trying to make himself not smell the rest of the day. The bathroom smells like a can of axe.

:lmao:

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I try not to see/hear what is going on in the stalls. One thing I do notice (that I find really weird/dumb), though, is people who talk on the phone whilst taking a piss in a public restroom. I am continually amazed at the number of guys that enter the room on a call (let them go) or take a call while they are in there (let that #### go to voicemail). I can't think of anything that needs to be said that couldn't wait a few minutes.

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5 hours ago, Gottabesweet said:

A co-worker and I have noticed the weirdest happenings in our bathroom at work.  We have about 60-70 guys in the building (two stalls).  Do any of you have anyone weird or is this just messed up? We even have nick-named some of them and figured out who most were.

Guy #1 - "The Wiper" Any time the dude drops a #2 he's wiping for :30 to :45 seconds each time.  It sounds like you're taking your hands to "pray" and rubbing them up and down.  It sounds like sand-paper. I hope he's wiping.

  It's 30-45 seconds of straight wiping, up and down motion. No breaks, no getting more toilet paper or tossing it.

How do you even know this? 

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4 hours ago, Fat Nick said:

The only one that had me perplexed was a guy who came in, sat down in the stall next to me and clearly dropped a #2 - wiped, THEN stood up and took a piss.  I have no clue how or why he did it.  My buddy had one guess...My buddy hypothesized the guy was hung like a horse and if he took a piss sitting, he'd dunk his dong in poo water, so he'd learned to lay it over the side until he was done.

I think that I get more pee out if I stand than if I sit.  So maybe that's the reason?

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we had a guy named roy that used to take the toilet paper roll off of the holder and then roll it out in front of him as he walked down the hall like he was walking on a red carpet and he would shout here comes little lord fontel roy he lasted about a week until bill from the tool room made a complaint to hr and that was that take that to the bank bromigos 

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This moron I work with takes a half hour dump every morning after stuffing his face with a huge breakfast, sometimes he takes two 1/2hr dumps a day.

250 work days a year = 125hrs of dumps.

125 dumping hrs / 7.5hrs work day = 16.667 work days a year at minimum that this kid is in the ####ter.  What a ####### gross slob.  

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25 minutes ago, elguapo07 said:

This moron I work with takes a half hour dump every morning after stuffing his face with a huge breakfast, sometimes he takes two 1/2hr dumps a day.

250 work days a year = 125hrs of dumps.

125 dumping hrs / 7.5hrs work day = 16.667 work days a year at minimum that this kid is in the ####ter.  What a ####### gross slob.  

Doesn't anyone ####### KNOCK anymore?

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