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Weird People in your office/work bathroom and Office nicknames!


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1 hour ago, VA703 said:

we had this really reaaally fat dude. super fat that use to poop almost every hour. you would know it was him because when he was done it would smell like sour cheese or burnt Cheetos. very odd aroma..

 

he was so fat one day he leaned on the wall and it went right through the drywall

:lmao:  We have a guy we call 7-11 - Walks in everyday with two filled up 64 ounce Big Gulps of Pepsi and are gone before 10am.  The one day I heard him telling someone he's pre-diabetic.  Water lasted a week.

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15 hours ago, gbill2004 said:

Once in a while I leave a condom on the bathroom floor. Keeps things interesting in the office...

I've always wanted to try the saran-wrap prank.  With limited toilets however I thought otherwise.

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Never knew where to post this question until now. Who builds a nest on the potty seat in a public restroom? I build one anywhere that is not my personal potty. I am amazed by how many dudes I see go into a public stall and just sit down on filth. 

I may be sitting on a nest as I post this question?

Edited by Beef Ravioli
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16 minutes ago, Beef Ravioli said:

Never knew where to post this question until now. Who builds a nest on the potty seat in a public restroom? I build one anywhere that is not my personal potty. I am amazed by how many dudes I see go into a public stall and just sit down on filth. 

I may be sitting on a nest as I post this question?

I do, and its a excellent nest. there will be no raw toilet seat touching me

 

im so nice ill leave my nest behind for others to use

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23 minutes ago, Beef Ravioli said:

Never knew where to post this question until now. Who builds a nest on the potty seat in a public restroom? I build one anywhere that is not my personal potty. I am amazed by how many dudes I see go into a public stall and just sit down on filth. 

I may be sitting on a nest as I post this question?

Always. Gotta put a little in the toilet as well to protect against splash damage.

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4 hours ago, Beef Ravioli said:

Never knew where to post this question until now. Who builds a nest on the potty seat in a public restroom? I build one anywhere that is not my personal potty. I am amazed by how many dudes I see go into a public stall and just sit down on filth. 

I may be sitting on a nest as I post this question?

Anyone older than 6 should not be saying "potty" to adults. 

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I work in a distribution center so we always have various truck drivers using the warehouse restroom.  There are 3 stalls and 3 urinals.  The one day I was in the farthest stall from the door and someone came in and settled up shop in the first stall by the door.  So there is an empty stall between us.  All good so far.  Hate when someone decides they really need to sit next to you and use the middle stall.  Learn some bathroom etiquette!  I'm sitting there minding my own business surfing FBG on my phone when all of the sudden there is this ridiculous, loud "POP!!!!" and mystery guy kind of groans as whatever the hell came out of his butt splashed down. This was not a subtle "POP" or your typical fart that pops off.. This sounded like a champagne bottle being opened.  It was so loud that it scared the #### out of me.  I dropped my phone 2 stalls over and muttered "What the hell??"!  Don't know who it was.   Probably one of the many truck drivers.  I asked my SIL who is a nurse later what would cause someone's ### to pop like a cork.  She really had no answer... 

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Every time I see this thread title I think of this story, so here goes...

My buddy works at a post office distribution center. One day someone brought in some edibles and offered to share. Most of the guys are "well-seasoned" and knew what they were getting into, but one of the younger guys, who doesn't even smoke, somehow thought it was a good idea to join in. Apparently the cookies were a bit more potent than planned and with about 5 hours still left on their shift, everyone is completely ####-faced. No work is getting done and they're all laughing hysterically when someone looks around and realizes the young guy is gone. They start to panic. They are going to be in a lot of trouble if he's all ####ed up wondering around the plant. Suddenly the boss comes barging in and they all think the #### is about to hit the fan. He tells them that the young guy had a sudden stomach problem and had to go home. They are all relieved. Several months go by before the young man finally admits what really happened that day. Apparently he totally "greened out" and had a full-on panic attack. Unsure what to do, he crawled into a bathroom stall and called his boss on his cell phone to tell him he left. Paralyzed by fear and paranoia, he spent the next 6 hours in there, raising his feat up on the toilet seat and hiding from anyone that entered. He waited the extra hour to make sure no one from his shift would see him leave. So he basically spent 6 hours of PTO freaking out in the bathroom at work. :lmao:

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Just be glad that you don't have anyone that empties their colostomy bags in the stall next to you.  God I do not miss that (no longer work at this particular office).   Quite possibly the most disgusting thing on the planet.

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18 minutes ago, top dog said:

I work in a distribution center so we always have various truck drivers using the warehouse restroom.  There are 3 stalls and 3 urinals.  The one day I was in the farthest stall from the door and someone came in and settled up shop in the first stall by the door.  So there is an empty stall between us.  All good so far.  Hate when someone decides they really need to sit next to you and use the middle stall.  Learn some bathroom etiquette!  I'm sitting there minding my own business surfing FBG on my phone when all of the sudden there is this ridiculous, loud "POP!!!!" and mystery guy kind of groans as whatever the hell came out of his butt splashed down. This was not a subtle "POP" or your typical fart that pops off.. This sounded like a champagne bottle being opened.  It was so loud that it scared the #### out of me.  I dropped my phone 2 stalls over and muttered "What the hell??"!  Don't know who it was.   Probably one of the many truck drivers.  I asked my SIL who is a nurse later what would cause someone's ### to pop like a cork.  She really had no answer... 

Maybe he was drinking champagne while dropping a deuce.  :shrug:

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16 hours ago, top dog said:

I work in a distribution center so we always have various truck drivers using the warehouse restroom.  There are 3 stalls and 3 urinals.  The one day I was in the farthest stall from the door and someone came in and settled up shop in the first stall by the door.  So there is an empty stall between us.  All good so far.  Hate when someone decides they really need to sit next to you and use the middle stall.  Learn some bathroom etiquette!  I'm sitting there minding my own business surfing FBG on my phone when all of the sudden there is this ridiculous, loud "POP!!!!" and mystery guy kind of groans as whatever the hell came out of his butt splashed down. This was not a subtle "POP" or your typical fart that pops off.. This sounded like a champagne bottle being opened.  It was so loud that it scared the #### out of me.  I dropped my phone 2 stalls over and muttered "What the hell??"!  Don't know who it was.   Probably one of the many truck drivers.  I asked my SIL who is a nurse later what would cause someone's ### to pop like a cork.  She really had no answer... 

reminded me of this

 

 

That night she try all different things that have curves and opening. She lean her fanny on a wall, teh window, she use kitchen items like a whinsk. But nothing work. As last resort she take her fingers and make opening between middle and next finger just like mr sponk (ecept it is alittle curved). She put her hand like that around the ###### and make a cough. Babooms! It is so loud that it set off 3 car alarms on teh street. But maybe she just get lucky? She try one more time and it is even more loud. She look out a window and there is like 6 animal jsut lookin at her. When you fart is loud enough to make a animal curious you know probably gonna win burritos.

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17 hours ago, top dog said:

I work in a distribution center so we always have various truck drivers using the warehouse restroom.  There are 3 stalls and 3 urinals.  The one day I was in the farthest stall from the door and someone came in and settled up shop in the first stall by the door.  So there is an empty stall between us.  All good so far.  Hate when someone decides they really need to sit next to you and use the middle stall.  Learn some bathroom etiquette!  I'm sitting there minding my own business surfing FBG on my phone when all of the sudden there is this ridiculous, loud "POP!!!!" and mystery guy kind of groans as whatever the hell came out of his butt splashed down. This was not a subtle "POP" or your typical fart that pops off.. This sounded like a champagne bottle being opened.  It was so loud that it scared the #### out of me.  I dropped my phone 2 stalls over and muttered "What the hell??"!  Don't know who it was.   Probably one of the many truck drivers.  I asked my SIL who is a nurse later what would cause someone's ### to pop like a cork.  She really had no answer... 

Read an article once that did some sanitary tests and the middle stall is always the cleanest for the reason you mention.  In a mall/sports game the middle stall is the go to.

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1 hour ago, VA703 said:

reminded me of this

 

 

That night she try all different things that have curves and opening. She lean her fanny on a wall, teh window, she use kitchen items like a whinsk. But nothing work. As last resort she take her fingers and make opening between middle and next finger just like mr sponk (ecept it is alittle curved). She put her hand like that around the ###### and make a cough. Babooms! It is so loud that it set off 3 car alarms on teh street. But maybe she just get lucky? She try one more time and it is even more loud. She look out a window and there is like 6 animal jsut lookin at her. When you fart is loud enough to make a animal curious you know probably gonna win burritos.

:lmao: All-time classic Studs. 

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  • 1 month later...

I just saw "luggage arms" in there today cutting his hair piece by piece.

5'3 guy walks around like he's carrying 40 pound bags on each arm.  Never seen him use a urinal.  Just stares at himself in the mirror often.  Always uses the middle sink (3 total) so it's weird washing my hands when he's just there admiring himself.

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On ‎4‎/‎6‎/‎2017 at 9:05 AM, Gottabesweet said:

Phone call pooper is another one I don't get.  At home sure, in a work bathroom, come on. Let me crap and surf Barstool sports in peace.

Saw a dude at the ballpark yesterday dictating a voice message on his Iphone at the urinal while holding his junk and doing his business with his other hand.  Apparently the message couldn't wait 30 seconds to be sent. 

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1 hour ago, Ditka Butkus said:

Bathroom Lurker:..this guy seems to hang out in the bathroom keeping tabs on other users. I swear I hear him counting ...one, one thousand ...two , one thousand...whenever I am wiping my a**

They have timers on phones.

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1 hour ago, skillz said:

Saw a dude at the ballpark yesterday dictating a voice message on his Iphone at the urinal while holding his junk and doing his business with his other hand.  Apparently the message couldn't wait 30 seconds to be sent. 

Any time this one fat guy has to wait 5 seconds for a urinal to be available he says the same thing.  "Just like a Bills game" with a loud chuckle.  It wasn't funny the first time, it won't be the 50th.

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At my old job, there was a younger Asian guy that had a 20 minute mouth cleaning routine that usually happened at the same time as my morning dump. He brushed ( for like 5 minutes)flossed for like 10 and used mouth wash 4 or 5 times. He was very odd. Also wore the same outfit every day and always stood at the urinal with ear buds in and his phone in front of his face like he was taking a selfie.

At my new job, there was an older Asian guy. I saw him twice in the first week and then never again. Basically caught him showering in the sink 2 days in a row. At first, it just looked like he was splashing a little water on his face. Then he proceeded to start dumping double handfuls of water all over his head.he probably did this a dozen times, absolutely soaking his clothes. 

I don't know if he had just come inside from a walk or what, but it was hilarious. 

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my office is on the first floor of an office building. there's an eye doctor upstairs. our bathroom is in the "common" space between our locked office door and the lobby to the street.

we used to get all kinds of old men, half blinded by their eye doctors or going in with bad vision, using our facilities and just destroying the thing. piss all over.... everywhere. dumps missing the toilet. toilet paper wadded up all over the place. like a subway bathroom that's tucked way off in the corner that only the homeless knew about in there.

we finally petitioned to have locks installed and keys given to the employees.

every once in a while when you're in there someone will try to get in. they'll shake the handle a couple times, realize it's locked and either move on or try to wait it out.

today i was finishing up.. someone tried to unlock the door. then shook the handle. then keys again. figured it was one of the guys just struggling with his key. more shaking.. then jingling and attempt at a couple different keys. maybe it's the building manager flunky? then furious shaking of the door and some grumbling.

i walk out to some slightly older guy waiting at the door. he walks in as i go out. no big deal.

weird that he thought just some random keys on his ring might possibly open the door but fighting back a volcanic eruption makes us all a little unfocused.

 

anyways, fast forward 5 minutes. it's quiet in here. my half of the office space only has 6 people today. i know people by the sound of their walk. it's dead silent when i hear a man's voice that sounds vaguely familiar but not totally:

"oh yeah, he was totally cute. yeah, great body. really nice butt. yeah... oh yeah... i would. absolutely i'd love to take him out again. i mean he was really hot! not all that smart but he's young and totally hot. yeah.... oh, i hope so... ohhhhhh yeah.... i definitely would.... mmmmm hmmmm yeah, totally hot."

 

turns out it was the guy from the bathroom :oldunsure: who was there to fix our telecom system. apparently he figured he'd just hang out on the other side of my office wall and just chat it up for a while. probably went on for a solid 5 minutes. nothing too juicy but... buddy.. time & place.

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On 4/3/2017 at 2:00 PM, ILUVBEER99 said:

#4 - brushing is good, he probably does it after he eats something.  Probably overkill but fine and wouldn't really stand out to me.

The active ingredient in toothpaste is abrasive.  So really not so good.

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I never understood the 'courtesy flusher'. To me it's pretty gross to flush while you're still sitting on the pot because you're basically spraying everyone else's old pee and poop particles all over your a$$ and balls. Disgusting. Also don't get the toothbrushers. Again, pretty gross to me to be brushing your teeth in a public bathroom with other people's odors and whatnot. 

Finally, my biggest pet peeve is the guy who urinates standing up in the $hitter. So now when I go in and drop trou, my pants get to lay on top of pee dribble. Use the gd urinal. 

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4 minutes ago, -arcK- said:

My guess would be brush your teeth for the normal recommended 2 minutes.

i've always heard that toothbrush hardness is the issue.  Brushing 4x's a day with a super soft brush is safer on the teeth/gums than brushing 2x's a day with a hard bristled brush. 

i'll have to research it on reddit.

 

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6 hours ago, ILUVBEER99 said:

so how do you clean your teeth/mouth?

Same as most, just not 4x/day.  Much more important to floss and get plaque out of the nooks and crannies than to abrade away the flat surfaces.

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On ‎5‎/‎19‎/‎2017 at 5:38 PM, Rhythmdoctor said:

I never understood the 'courtesy flusher'. To me it's pretty gross to flush while you're still sitting on the pot because you're basically spraying everyone else's old pee and poop particles all over your a$$ and balls. Disgusting. Also don't get the toothbrushers. Again, pretty gross to me to be brushing your teeth in a public bathroom with other people's odors and whatnot. 

Finally, my biggest pet peeve is the guy who urinates standing up in the $hitter. So now when I go in and drop trou, my pants get to lay on top of pee dribble. Use the gd urinal. 

We have a couple who refuse to use the urinal.  Even when available, they still go into the stall.   

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21 minutes ago, Gottabesweet said:

We have a couple who refuse to use the urinal.  Even when available, they still go into the stall.   

I usually do this only so I can piss all over the toilet paper

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Urinal texter guy. I used to see this less frequently and now I feel like I'm the abnormal one. I just don't get this one. If I'm so tethered to my phone one day that I can't even put it down to pee, I should have it taken away from me and get help for an addiction.

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Got a guy that goes to the gym in the morning and instead of changing there, he changes here (probably because he's late)  So he takes up one stall for like 15 minutes cleaning himself up every morning.  We only have two stalls.  It's annoying.

 

This afternoon Boat Shoes made another appearance.  Guy routinely is in there for 30 minutes a trip.  Always after lunch.  Down to one stall.

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