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Weird People in your office/work bathroom and Office nicknames!


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On 10/7/2017 at 0:16 AM, shuke said:

I may have told this one before.  A guy came to my desk once at work, I kind of knew this guy but not very well, he worked on the manufacturing floor.  Asked to borrow my scissors.  I was like, sure.  

About 5 minutes later I need to take a piss.  Go into the bathroom, and he's in there trimming his mustache with my scissors.  Says, "sometimes you just got to get those crazy hairs that are bugging you!"

I said, "why don't you just keep those".

 

Yee Haww those scissors are delicious.

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On 5/23/2017 at 10:14 AM, Don't Noonan said:

If I have to drop a duece at work I prefer to wait until nobody else is in the bathroom before I unload.   On the contrary, older guys in my offfice seem to have to no shame and walk right in and sit down and blast away without any embarrassment whatsoever.  

I was you at 24. At 44, I'm the old guy. I'm not waiting anyone out. I'm letting it fly as soon as I take a seat. 

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Once, about 20 years ago, I was working at the corporate HQ of a fortune 500 company here in St. Louis. I was on the same floor of HR. HR MGR steps out of the stall after dropping a deuce. Walks to the sink. Turns on the water and then cups his hand and holds the hand under the flow of water. Then he raised his cupped hand full of water to his mouth and drank the water. He filled his hand 3 more times and drank it. THEN he washed his hands. I witnessed this feat three different times over my 2 years with that company. Flash forward 20 years. I'm working at another mega HQ for a big company and who do I see walking down the hall? #### drinker. We weren't on the same floor so I never ran into him in the can, so no clue on whether this is still his MO after dropping a duke....

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28 minutes ago, TheFanatic said:

I was you at 24. At 44, I'm the old guy. I'm not waiting anyone out. I'm letting it fly as soon as I take a seat. 

Exactly, I'm at this point as well, what the hell, you're there to do your business.  I fart at the urinal now too, can't help it, gotta squeeze that last bit out - brrzzzttpppfhhhhttt.  It happens, you get old, those muscles aren't what they used to be and you kinda become Al Bundy to be quite honest, meh, whatever.

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2 minutes ago, Sullie said:

Exactly, I'm at this point as well, what the hell, you're there to do your business.  I fart at the urinal now too, can't help it, gotta squeeze that last bit out - brrzzzttpppfhhhhttt.  It happens, you get old, those muscles aren't what they used to be and you kinda become Al Bundy to be quite honest, meh, whatever.

Same here. I used to feel a sense of embarrassment and would hold it in till the john was empty. I look back and think, while I got a lot better at games on my blackberry back then, it really was a gigantic waste of time. Everyone goes in there for the same reason. Why pretend something else is going on.  Just drop the toilet snake and get on with it. 

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Just now, TheFanatic said:

I've read this 4 times, and still don't know what it means

Earlier in the post, I mentioned we have a guy who changes into gym clothes, run around the building, then pull out a football throw it over a 20 foot fence, run after it, does it 4-5 times, then stretches with kendo sticks, He then goes into the bathroom and takes the handicap stall for 30 minutes changing and showering at the sink and spraying Axe.  Uncle Rico references the movie Napoleon Dynamite.

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54 minutes ago, Gottabesweet said:

Earlier in the post, I mentioned we have a guy who changes into gym clothes, run around the building, then pull out a football throw it over a 20 foot fence, run after it, does it 4-5 times, then stretches with kendo sticks, He then goes into the bathroom and takes the handicap stall for 30 minutes changing and showering at the sink and spraying Axe.  Uncle Rico references the movie Napoleon Dynamite.

This doesn't sound real...youtube is your friend.


You can set the privacy so only people you share the link with can access (ie: it's not searchable)

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Also have this dude who bends his ankles so that both shoe's meeting in the middle.  I tried it. It hurts.  Must be a painful poop.  He's the same guy that I hear him rip piece-by-piece of TP like he's collecting it throughout.  He was IT, so major OCD type guy.

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5 minutes ago, the moops said:

looks like you filmed the highly elusive man walking in a parking lot

Guy at work did.   I always take my lunch prior to and miss it.  Many watch out the window. Will tell him to get the fence, next time he's out.  He does push-ups, sprints around the building, and then goes into this football workout throwing a ball against a fence (normally chases it)

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1 hour ago, Gottabesweet said:

Earlier in the post, I mentioned we have a guy who changes into gym clothes, run around the building, then pull out a football throw it over a 20 foot fence, run after it, does it 4-5 times, then stretches with kendo sticks, He then goes into the bathroom and takes the handicap stall for 30 minutes changing and showering at the sink and spraying Axe.  Uncle Rico references the movie Napoleon Dynamite.

Oh, I read the first few posts and jumped to the end. I got into this thread too late and skipped a bunch. Sorry. Yeah, that guys nuts. 

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One day I walked into the bathroom at work (four stall and three urinals - for sizing) and was hit with a huge wall of stench.  It was one of the worst smells I have ever experienced.  I am not typically one to vocalize in such a situation but it was so bad that I said, "OMG did something die in here?".  I wasn't saying it to anyone in particular, but I heard a small chuckle from one of the stalls (which I hadn't noticed was occupied as I thought l was by myself).  Ends up my buddy who is an habitual heavy drinker had a super bender the night before and his insides were effectively corrupted.  He admitted later that while he has had some nasty dumps, this one was at least a magnitude greater than anything he had ever produced.  We still laugh every time one of us brings this up.

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43 minutes ago, kentric said:

One day I walked into the bathroom at work (four stall and three urinals - for sizing) and was hit with a huge wall of stench.  It was one of the worst smells I have ever experienced.  I am not typically one to vocalize in such a situation but it was so bad that I said, "OMG did something die in here?".  I wasn't saying it to anyone in particular, but I heard a small chuckle from one of the stalls (which I hadn't noticed was occupied as I thought l was by myself).  Ends up my buddy who is an habitual heavy drinker had a super bender the night before and his insides were effectively corrupted.  He admitted later that while he has had some nasty dumps, this one was at least a magnitude greater than anything he had ever produced.  We still laugh every time one of us brings this up.

Back in college, I walk into my dorm hallway and am hit with a similar smell and had a similar reaction, something like, "good night! what died?" or something like that. I carried this same conversation with myself down the hallway all the way to my room, although pretty loud. Once in the room with my roommate and about three minutes later there's a hard rap at the door. I open the door and this kid from down the hall is standing there, looking like death warmed over and is ticked off. I say, "yeah?" and he says something along the lines of "I'm sick and I can't help the smell. If you have that big of a problem with it, maybe we should step outside and settle it like men?" I remember being shocked, looking at my roommate who had nothing to say. I asked the dude, "you really want to fight because I think your poop stinks?" At this point, it's like he realizes he's not in his right mind. He apologizes and walks away. 

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15 minutes ago, Beef Ravioli said:

Back in college, I walk into my dorm hallway and am hit with a similar smell and had a similar reaction, something like, "good night! what died?" or something like that. I carried this same conversation with myself down the hallway all the way to my room, although pretty loud. Once in the room with my roommate and about three minutes later there's a hard rap at the door. I open the door and this kid from down the hall is standing there, looking like death warmed over and is ticked off. I say, "yeah?" and he says something along the lines of "I'm sick and I can't help the smell. If you have that big of a problem with it, maybe we should step outside and settle it like men?" I remember being shocked, looking at my roommate who had nothing to say. I asked the dude, "you really want to fight because I think your poop stinks?" At this point, it's like he realizes he's not in his right mind. He apologizes and walks away. 

:lmao::lmao:

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Doesn't involve work, However this past weekend I went to this fall-fest thing our town has.  I had to dump, I went into the porta-potty and crapped. Came out sat on the bench next to my wife. The guy that went in after me, I could hear him drunk yell "Holy sH** there's full peanuts in this crap, full F------ PEANUTS" like he's never seen crap before. So he walks out and the two women he was with explains to them over and over, "there was full peanuts in this crap in there"  Me being on the bench couldn't help myself  "It's actually corn, not peanuts it's corn, I had chipotle yesterday, never seen crap before?"  The guy next to me thought it was hilarious as he heard the guy making the biggest deal about crap.

 

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24 minutes ago, Gottabesweet said:

Doesn't involve work, However this past weekend I went to this fall-fest thing our town has.  I had to dump, I went into the porta-potty and crapped. Came out sat on the bench next to my wife. The guy that went in after me, I could hear him drunk yell "Holy sH** there's full peanuts in this crap, full F------ PEANUTS" like he's never seen crap before. So he walks out and the two women he was with explains to them over and over, "there was full peanuts in this crap in there"  Me being on the bench couldn't help myself  "It's actually corn, not peanuts it's corn, I had chipotle yesterday, never seen crap before?"  The guy next to me thought it was hilarious as he heard the guy making the biggest deal about crap.

I guess he didn't want to look that closely.  I'll be honest and say I would be surprised to see full F------ peanuts in some crap.  Most people don't swallow them whole.  

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On 4/5/2017 at 10:38 AM, Weebs210 said:

Always. Gotta put a little in the toilet as well to protect against splash damage.

Gotta throw a flap down in the front too (if you have one of those horseshoe shaped seats that's not a solid oval).  Don't want your donger brushing up against the inside of the bowl.  Gross.

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9 minutes ago, kentric said:

I guess he didn't want to look that closely.  I'll be honest and say I would be surprised to see full F------ peanuts in some crap.  Most people don't swallow them whole.  

You can chew corn and peanuts into a million pieces and it'll still reincarnate to whole pieces.   Poop Magic.

 

 

 

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12 minutes ago, doowain said:

Gotta throw a flap down in the front too (if you have one of those horseshoe shaped seats that's not a solid oval).  Don't want your donger brushing up against the inside of the bowl.  Gross.

Just throw it over your shoulder like the rest of us. Then there's no need for the extra toilet paper. 

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1 hour ago, Beef Ravioli said:

Back in college, I walk into my dorm hallway and am hit with a similar smell and had a similar reaction, something like, "good night! what died?" or something like that. I carried this same conversation with myself down the hallway all the way to my room, although pretty loud. Once in the room with my roommate and about three minutes later there's a hard rap at the door. I open the door and this kid from down the hall is standing there, looking like death warmed over and is ticked off. I say, "yeah?" and he says something along the lines of "I'm sick and I can't help the smell. If you have that big of a problem with it, maybe we should step outside and settle it like men?" I remember being shocked, looking at my roommate who had nothing to say. I asked the dude, "you really want to fight because I think your poop stinks?" At this point, it's like he realizes he's not in his right mind. He apologizes and walks away. 

I would have beat the #### out of him.

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Anyone have any random nicknames that multiple people in the office use for anyone?

We have a few:  Probably only funny to us but whatever I'm bored.

"Luggage Arms"  5'2 dude always in a sport coat, not muscular, walks around like he's carrying 100 pound bags of groceries on each arm.  Always in an empty room with the lights off talking on his phone.  He's pretty high up.

"Aladdin" - Guy of ethnic decent that wears pointy shoes and is always watching anime.

"Rachel Ray" - Lady goes out multiple days of the week to the grocery store, then spends 45 minutes in the lunch room with a chopping block cutting up everything (It can be argued it's more productive than posting here)

"The Wiper" - Outlined in this thread, 45 seconds of straight sand-paper noise you'll hear wiping feverishly.

"Harry Potter" - Just a dude that looks like Harry Potter

"Peter Griffin" - Just a dude who looks like Peter - brings his coffee mug with no lid into the bathroom all the time

"Snooki" Just a lady who looks like Snooki.  Most annoying laugh ever.

"Hot Sauce - Air Walks"  Guy in his 50's rocking Air-Walks and cargo pants, He's your typical guy in the kitchen that is making the weirdest stuff, microwaving fish, throwing globs of Hot sauce on everything.  Always smells like syrup

"Tim Burton" - Just a lady who looks like Tim Burton should have put her in a "Nightmare Before Christmas"

"Big Gulp" -  Guy will go out to 7-11 or BK and bring back TWO 64 ounce things of pop.  Once was heard on the phone talking about how he's pre-diabetes.  He drank water for a week.  Didn't last.  He has a bin full of empty two liters of Pepsi.  Takes them home once a month.  Easily $5 worth.

"The Skeletor"  This skinny looking Al Davis wannabe, Is the guy in the office who only talks to women, flirts, won't carry on a conversation with a man.  Walks extremely fast with his dead down rounding every corner. Complains about the coffee in the break room being terrible every day, yet is in there 7 times a day getting a refill.

"Danny DeVito"  - We have an Italian women in the office with a mustache and harry armpits who waddles around.  She looks like Danny DeVito in it's always Sunny when he dresses up in drag.  Many agree within the office. 

 

 

 

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6 minutes ago, ScottNorwood said:

Pointy shoes?  You mean like the ones the Iron Sheik wore?

http://www.wwe.com/f/styles/gallery_img_l/public/photo/image/2011/03/Classic_Photos_08_1.jpg

I wish!!!   more so like this however he wears capris' showing all his ankle's while walking.  Apparently it's not a dress code issue.

Pointy Shoes

Weird Pants

 

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9 minutes ago, Gottabesweet said:

Anyone have any random nicknames that multiple people in the office use for anyone?

We have a few:  Probably only funny to us but whatever I'm bored.

 

"Hot Sauce - Air Walks"  Guy in his 50's rocking Air-Walks and cargo pants, He's your typical guy in the kitchen that is making the weirdest stuff, microwaving fish, throwing globs of Hot sauce on everything.  Always smells like syrup

So do any of these people know of their nicknames or is this just amongst a select few?

"Always smells like syrup" ?

 

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Just now, Beef Ravioli said:

So do any of these people know of their nicknames or is this just amongst a select few?

"Always smells like syrup" ?

 

Probably just 10-15 of us that use these and pass them along to others as time goes on.

I'm betting someone has told the "Wiper" of his name because his act has gotten cleaned up.

 

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Just now, Beef Ravioli said:

So do any of these people know of their nicknames or is this just amongst a select few?

"Always smells like syrup" ?

 

I feel like there's a sitcom episode out there were everyone knows at least one other nickname of someone else but no one has any idea they have a nickname others use for them and when they find out their own nicknames at the end, hilarity ensues. 

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Just now, TheFanatic said:

I feel like there's a sitcom episode out there were everyone knows at least one other nickname of someone else but no one has any idea they have a nickname others use for them and when they find out their own nicknames at the end, hilarity ensues. 

I'd watch.  Gold Jerry Gold!

I'm probably the weird guy that gives people nicknames and is always on that weird Free For All site!

 

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2 minutes ago, TheFanatic said:

That's the thing. He probably watches football only to see what Cam Newton wears to the post game presser. Then feels justified in wearing such ##### baggery. 

I'll keep an eye out for those Von Miller glasses!

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59 minutes ago, Gottabesweet said:

Anyone have any random nicknames that multiple people in the office use for anyone?

We have a few:  Probably only funny to us but whatever I'm bored.

"Luggage Arms"  5'2 dude always in a sport coat, not muscular, walks around like he's carrying 100 pound bags of groceries on each arm.  Always in an empty room with the lights off talking on his phone.  He's pretty high up.

"Aladdin" - Guy of ethnic decent that wears pointy shoes and is always watching anime.

"Rachel Ray" - Lady goes out multiple days of the week to the grocery store, then spends 45 minutes in the lunch room with a chopping block cutting up everything (It can be argued it's more productive than posting here)

"The Wiper" - Outlined in this thread, 45 seconds of straight sand-paper noise you'll hear wiping feverishly.

"Harry Potter" - Just a dude that looks like Harry Potter

"Peter Griffin" - Just a dude who looks like Peter - brings his coffee mug with no lid into the bathroom all the time

"Snooki" Just a lady who looks like Snooki.  Most annoying laugh ever.

"Hot Sauce - Air Walks"  Guy in his 50's rocking Air-Walks and cargo pants, He's your typical guy in the kitchen that is making the weirdest stuff, microwaving fish, throwing globs of Hot sauce on everything.  Always smells like syrup

"Tim Burton" - Just a lady who looks like Tim Burton should have put her in a "Nightmare Before Christmas"

"Big Gulp" -  Guy will go out to 7-11 or BK and bring back TWO 64 ounce things of pop.  Once was heard on the phone talking about how he's pre-diabetes.  He drank water for a week.  Didn't last.  He has a bin full of empty two liters of Pepsi.  Takes them home once a month.  Easily $5 worth.

These are awesome  :lmao:

 

 

 

 

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We've got a few...some are no longer with the company as we had a big restructuring a few years ago...It's tough because we're a little smaller, so a lot of folks actually know people's real names.

"The Scavenger"  - This one guy had a knack for showing up the instant food was put out, and he had no shame in taking whatever was out.  He once cut a slice out of a cake we brought in for our CFO's birthday BEFORE we had a chance to even sing and show him the cake.  He just walked by and snagged a slice, and walked away.  We were speechless.

"Coldplay" - This one lady's ringtone is Viva La Vida.  She shamelessly leaves her ringer turned ALL THE WAY UP, and her husband I think has some health issues and calls her constantly.  I used to sit next to her and wanted to kill her.

"[John Doe], MD" - One guy used to be an MD and was an ER resident before he got his MBA and switched careers to finance at our company.  No clue to this day why he left medicine, but he brings up the fact that he used to be an MD constantly.  We always add an MD to his name when talking about him.

"Hot Auditor," - Self-explanatory.  They're all trolls except one.

 

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Pepe Lepew/Lucky Pierre.... french guy I used to work with. would have porn running in the corner of his screen (early days of internet in the work place). also would find any and all polls that showed how stupid americans were- "ehhh... loook at zis- eet sez more zan half of you amereecans belief zee world eez flat. HAHAHAHA stupid americans". also reeked constantly of cigarettes and coffee. also would help himself to food shared by co-workers (we'd often bring in cookies or donuts to share)- but if it was a dozen donuts (for about that many people)... he'd take 5. that ####### guy. I think I hi-fived the partner who let me know he'd fired lucky.

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