Advice for graduates (1 Viewer)

I've been tasked with writing a 400-500 word message to this year's graduating class at the high school where I teach.  I'm looking to the FFA for help because everything I've tried sounds really cliche.  Suggestions or schtick welcome!  

I am reluctant to attach my name to this

Big ol boobies are fun at first, but don't age well.

You have to work in "poop is always funny". 

"Show up."

Very few people will end up doing something they love in life. Whatever path you choose or fall into don't worry about being THE best at anything but rather be YOUR best at everything you do.

Be teachable in any job you find yourself in. 

Don't be afraid to fail

Don't be more trouble than your worth.

My current plan is to do a rewrite of Dr. Seuss' "Oh The Places You'll Go." with a different theme.  I'm think it should be about putting their damn phones down. 

oldmanhawkins said:

My current plan is to do a rewrite of Dr. Seuss' "Oh The Places You'll Go." with a different theme.  I'm think it should be about putting their damn phones down. 

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Tell them nobody gives a damn what they're doing when they post to instagram.  

Maybe tell them the greatest riddle ever

bigmarc27 said:

Tell them nobody gives a damn what they're doing when they post to instagram.  

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Congratulations!

Today is your day

Make sure your iPhone is charged

Or you won’t find your way!

That's all I got.  I'll work in an insta reference.

You have Google to look up

Any answer you need

With Alexa in tow there is no need to read!

Is this awful?  Might just do what I did last time which was give the stock advice and work in a few math puns.

Defer for three years before you consolidate.  Then you have three more to defer!

bigmarc27 said:

Tell them nobody gives a damn what they're doing when they post to instagram.  

Click to expand...

What if they're wearing yoga pants?

Trust me on this one... Wear sunscreen.

bigmarc27 said:

Tell them nobody gives a damn what they're doing when they post to instagram.  

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Except for future employers. 

You should scroll through all of their social media posts. Pick out the more incriminating ones. Call them out by name. That should get their attention.

I've got one word...Plastics.

You're on your own for the other 499.

"The world needs ditch diggers too"

Best sound bite I've heard recently about education:

AN EDUCATION IS A FISHING LICENSE.

IT IS NOT A LIFETIME OF FREE FISH

If you can work in personal things about individual students or groups of students, it goes over really well.  Especially if it is those students that don't normally get a lot of attention.  Nobody is going to remember what you say (unless you say something completely inappropriate or dumb) but they may remember when Mr. Hawkins mentioned them in his graduation speech.  

Life gets hard from here folks.  No more training wheels, so be prepared to fail and fail often.  I'd like to say that you will all respond perfectly and these failures will be brief road bumps in your unstoppable path to glory - but lets face it 95% of you will not recover from these failures and you are destined to a lifetime of not quite measuring up.  25 years from now you will be back here hoping that your ill-begotten, genetically inferior spawn will escape your lot in life but they will not.  You are merely the cornerstone to a multi-generational palace of failure.  Good luck in your future, you will need it and I firmly believe luck is your only chance at escape.  Go <insert school mascot name here>.

San Dimas High School Football Rules!

wear a rubber

Send Reg Llama of Brixton a PM.  He's done this dance a thousand times. 

Brony said:

San Dimas High School Football Rules!

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Well, in fairness, that's the correct advice for everything. 

Due by the end of the day.  Here's what I've got:

Congratulations!

Today is your day!

Make sure your iPhone is charged

And get on your way

Go get any degree you've been hoping to get

You need not be concerned with insurmountable debt

You have Google to look up 

Any answer you need

With Alexa in tow

There is no need to read!

Kid, you will ace those exams.

Except when you don't because sometimes you won't.

There will be times when you run into trouble

Or some bubble burster keeps bursting your bubble. 

You will push on though your battery's low

Yes you will keep browsing though the internet's slow

You'll get bummed because no one

Bothered to look

At your instagram pic 

Or your post on facebook

And maybe your sorrows will go deeper than that

Losing touch with old friends

The death of your cat

When these awful things happen you won't leave your dorm

You'll plop on your futon and take Netflix by storm.

And in those dark times, just maybe you'll see

Your phone has this one app that's totally free

You'll punch this magical 10 digit code

And your parents will answer #headexplode

Your parents advice will be just what you need

You'll shut down your phone and feel totally freed

You'll escape from the dark place and regain the lead!

You might drive across the country 

Or discover new science

Or escape to the woods

And appreciate silence

You'll learn that you never 

Ever felt so alone

As those days gone by when you lived in your phone.

Then you'll turn it back on 

Let friends know you're alive

Use it when necessary

Just don't text and drive!

liquor before beer = never fear

beer before liquor= never sicker :X

oldmanhawkins said:

Due by the end of the day.  Here's what I've got:

Congratulations!

Today is your day!

Make sure your iPhone is charged

And get on your way

Go get any degree you've been hoping to get

You need not be concerned with insurmountable debt

You have Google to look up 

Any answer you need

With Alexa in tow

There is no need to read!

Kid, you will ace those exams.

Except when you don't because sometimes you won't.

There will be times when you run into trouble

Or some bubble burster keeps bursting your bubble. 

You will push on though your battery's low

Yes you will keep browsing though the internet's slow

You'll get bummed because no one

Bothered to look

At your instagram pic 

Or your post on facebook

And maybe your sorrows will go deeper than that

Losing touch with old friends

The death of your cat

When these awful things happen you won't leave your dorm

You'll plop on your futon and take Netflix by storm.

And in those dark times, just maybe you'll see

Your phone has this one app that's totally free

You'll punch this magical 10 digit code

And your parents will answer #headexplode

Your parents advice will be just what you need

You'll shut down your phone and feel totally freed

You'll escape from the dark place and regain the lead!

You might drive across the country 

Or discover new science

Or escape to the woods

And appreciate silence

You'll learn that you never 

Ever felt so alone

As those days gone by when you lived in your phone.

Then you'll turn it back on 

Let friends know you're alive

Use it when necessary

Just don't text and drive!

Click to expand...

oooof

can't wait to see this on youtube as the next viral video

Don't major in something in dumb simply because you enjoy it.

Major in something that will translate to a job/career after college.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of 2007, wear sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists
Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
Than my own meandering experience, I will dispense this advice now
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind
You will never understand the power
And the beauty of your youth until they've faded
But trust me, in twenty years
You will look back at photos of yourself
And recall in a way you can't grasp now
How much possibility lay before you
And how fabulous you really looked
You are not as fat as you imagine



Don't worry about the future or worry that know that worrying
Is as affective as trying to solve an algebra equation
By chewing bubble gum
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things
That never crossed your worried mind
The kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday
Do one thing every day that scares you, sing
Don't be reckless with other peoples' hearts
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours, floss
Don't waste your time on jealousy
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind
The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself
Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements, stretch
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what to do with your life
The most interesting people
I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't
Get plenty of calcium
Be kind to knees, you'll miss them when they're gone
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the "Funky Chicken"
On your 75th wedding anniversary
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much
Or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can
Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own, dance
Even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room
Read the directions even if you don't follow them
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly
Brother and sister together will make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, but I've been waiting to be there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out, whenever I can
Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good
Be nice to your siblings, they are your best link to your past
And the people most likely to stick with you in the future
Understand that friends come and go
But a precious few, who should hold on
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle
For as the older you get, the more you need the people
You knew when you were young
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard
Live in northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft
Travel, accept certain inalienable truths
Prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old
And when you do, you'll fanaticise that when you were young
Prices were reasonable, politicians were noble
And children respected their elders
Respect your elders, don't expect anyone else to support you
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse
But you'll never know when either one will run out
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're forty
It will look eighty-five
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
Wishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off
Painting over the ugly parts and recycling for more than it's worth
But trust me on the sunscreen
Brother and sister together will make it through, oh yeah
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, but I've been waiting to be there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out, whenever I can
Everybody's free, oh yeah, everybody's free, oh yeah, oh, to feel good

Just have Bon Jovi sing his Reunion song

MindCrime said:

You should scroll through all of their social media posts. Pick out the more incriminating ones. Call them out by name. That should get their attention.

Click to expand...

works better via powerpoint.

but nobody likes powerpoint.

eoMMan said:

Don't major in something in dumb simply because you enjoy it.

Major in something that will translate to a job/career after college.

Click to expand...

right, minor in something you enjoy.  You won't get a job in your major anyway.

Bucky86 said:

Big ol boobies are fun at first, but don't age well.

Click to expand...

Ah, screw it, I'm just going with this.

You need a few quotes:

"Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions". - Mark Twain

or if you want to take another direction:

"Remember all of you are unique...just like everyone else".

"The mark of a good leader is the ability to make decisions. The mark of a survivor is knowing when not to."

When you get up to speak in a meeting make sure you don't have pee stains on your pants...you don't recover from that one...

Phil Elliott said:

You need a few quotes:

"Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions". - Mark Twain

or if you want to take another direction:

"Remember all of you are unique...just like everyone else".

"The mark of a good leader is the ability to make decisions. The mark of a survivor is knowing when not to."

Click to expand...

Wherever you go, there you will be.

oldmanhawkins said:

Due by the end of the day.  Here's what I've got:

Congratulations!

Today is your day!

Make sure Have your iPhone is charged

And get on your way

Go get any degree you've been hoping to get

You need not be concerned with Forget the insurmountable debt

You have Google to look up 

Any answer you need

With Alexa in tow

There is no need to Why even read?!

Kid, you will ace those exams.

Except when you don't because sometimes you won't.

There will be times when you run into trouble

Or some bubble burster ol buzzkill keeps bursting your bubble. 

You will push on though your battery's low

Yes you will keep browsing though Browse away even when the internet's slow

You'll get bummed because no one

Might Bothered to look

At your instagram pic 

Or your post on facebook

And maybe your sorrows will go deeper than that

Losing touch with old friends

The death of your cat

When these awful things happen you won't leave your dorm

You'll plop on your futon and take Netflix by storm.

And in those dark times, just maybe you'll see

Your phone has this one app that's totally free

You'll punch this magical 10 digit code

And your parents will answer #headexplode

Your parents advice will be just what you need

You'll shut down your phone and feel totally freed

You'll escape from the dark place and regain the lead!

You might drive across the country 

Or discover new science

Or escape to the woods

And appreciate silence

You'll learn that you never 

Ever Quite felt so alone

As those days gone by when you lived in your phone.

Then you'll turn it back on 

Let friends know you're alive

Use it when necessary

Just don't text and drive!

Click to expand...

Excellent. Some fix suggestions in there for cleaner rhythm. GL!

wikkidpissah said:

Excellent. Some fix suggestions in there for cleaner rhythm. GL!

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Thanks!!  I'll use these, if you don't mind.  I added a few lines at the end that included some of the more unusual names of students I've taught (like the modecai ali van Allen O'Shea part).  Let the ridicule begin!

"Playing it safe is the most popular way to fail" - Elliott Smith

No one ever did really well by succeeding.   They all needed to fail, and sometimes multiple times, before they found what was necessary to succeed.  Don't be afraid to fail, don't be afraid to take calculated risk.   Enjoy both success and failure WHEN IT TEACHES YOU SOMETHING.   Be afraid of success where you can't identify why it happened.

Just post this with your name under Michael's

http://i.imgur.com/xByII.jpg?fb