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who cooks in your house?: a question of ethics


Swedish Chefery, an ode to Oliver Humanzee  

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the more people i talk to about cooking, the more i'm sensing a shift in the how the responsibility is changing from "tradition"

 

Edited by mr. furley
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3 minutes ago, Walking Boot said:

 

:confused:

All the best chefs are men. (So are the best fashion designers... turns out men are not only better at men's work, but women's work too)

there are apparently a lot more chef jobs than i imagined. tens of millions even. what is everyone else doing for work?

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I'd say it's a 2/3 - 1/3 split with her being the higher end.  She went to culinary school and is by far a better cook than I.  I'm not terrible but generally only cook when the main entrée steak or pork or if we're having a breakfast together.  I also cook brunch every Sunday for somewhere between 8 and 25 people.

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Total for all meals cooked in the house?  60-40 her

Meals for when I am home?  80-20 me

If I'm home, I usually cook because I'm better at it and enjoy it more.  However, I am not home for many meals, so she actually does most of the cooking.

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1 hour ago, mr. furley said:

the more people i talk to about cooking, the more i'm sensing a shift in the how the responsibility is changing from "tradition"

 

I'm guessing an enormous change is that it is no longer considered a defined "responsibility" in most houses.

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1 minute ago, RUSF18 said:

I'm guessing an enormous change is that it is no longer considered a defined "responsibility" in most houses.

really depends on how you define "responsibility"

i'm talking about, you and the family need to eat. someone has to own that and be responsible for cooking/preparing the food. this isn't Nam. 

 

if you define "responsibility" as "you are obligated to do this as a condition of your gender" then, yes, i agree that has changed.

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We both cook and we both enjoy it.  She generally makes all the veggies, salads, rice etc and I usually handle all meats.  More often than not I use my grill, even during the winter as the patio is covered and I love my Weber grill more than life itself.  I don't think my wife even knows how to turn on the grill.  If we ever get a divorce, I'm taking that thing with me and she can everything else.  

  

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2 minutes ago, That one guy said:

I cook 90% of the time...mainly because I'm better at, plus I enjoy it.  

If I were home more, this would probably be the case.  I would love to completely take over our meals system (buying, planning, cooking, etc.), but I just don't have the time.

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15 minutes ago, NewlyRetired said:

how does ethics factor into this question?

I was just speculatin‘ about a hypothesis! I know I don’t know nothin’. It’s just a damn mess is all.

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I do the majority of cooking.  I like to make sure I'm doing my fair share around the house.  I also like to stay somewhat active when I get home from work.  If I just sit on the couch and watch TV I will fall asleep.  I also enjoy having a drink while I cook and watch TV.

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when i was married, we both more or less just grabbed. we got high together more often than ate. except for my love for New Mexican cuisine, i was only a bachelor cook, but that put me far ahead of my Mary. i often saw her live on chai & canned salmon for a month. restaurants were even more frustrating - except for the conversation (we'd often look up after a half hour in a bistro to find we were the floor show for the rest of the patrons), there was no fun in it, watching her drink 3figs-worth of alcohol, pickpickpick at the most extensive entree and then drunkenly leave her inevitable aluminum swan in one of our cars, to be gotten at by desert heat til the next midday.

now, i cook for my 94 & 92 yo peeps and myself.

me Da's a farmboy, middle child of 10 and, therefore, eats whatever is put in front of him with neither compliment nor complaint.

me Ma's been an invalid for almost 30 yrs, shoulda been dead five years ago (when i quit life to make her last breath companied & easy) and lives in a recliner (her arthritis won't allow her to lie flat) next to a potty chair. her world is five feet square. providing distraction & variety to her has become an odd pleasure for me even though we never liked each other very much. she's blind in one eye but will read four books a week if they're interesting enough and the print's not too small and the book's not too heavy. this has made me an expert on lady authors, large-print paperbacks, mystery writers who arent too modern nor too British & writers of not-too-depressing Amish fiction - no mean feat finding her 200 books a year using a smalltown Vt library and the State's handicapped-reader program.

same thing with food. she was a terrible, Irish boil-or-burn-everything cook herself, but eating is a great source of pleasure for her now, as long as it's not too spicy or doesn't show her up. God bless pimenton (smoked paprika) and Indian cooking shows because she'll shovel down anything where umami-type spices have been bloomed in oil before the ingredients are added. these innovations plus food from her youth - onion&potato sandwiches, pasties, pub soup (bloom 'whatever' spices in a pan, add onions, a bag of frozen peas&carrots & a quart of broth, immersion blend the rest and add a wee dram of cream, every ol' peep i've given this to laps it up like a dog) and a dozen variations of shepherd's pie, make her smile the only once or twice a day she does between her crabbin'. this is my Valentine to the two women in my life, the memory of one & the shell of the other. nufced

Edited by wikkidpissah
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1 hour ago, Bucky86 said:

I'll usually handle the meat. 

Her the veggies/salad. 

 

33 minutes ago, General Malaise said:

She generally makes all the veggies, salads, rice etc and I usually handle all meats.
  

You should consider letting her handle the meat occasionally.

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The survey is a bit flawed. A combo option is not available.

When my wife and I got married, I did all the cooking. She had never made a thing. She couldn't fry an egg. Now that we have 4 kids, she does all the cooking for the most part as she is a stay at home mom and has become a great cook. 

I cook Sunday breakfast and do quite a lot of meals in the warmer months when I cook for clients and I have lots of excess so we have more BBQ's for the fam/neighbors (after the obligatory photo shoot) than most people do.

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I have ever since we got married.

i always got home from work before her.  Iused to help my mom cook when I was younger too so I knew what I was doing .  She really wasn’t much of a cook and was happy I’d do it.

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2 hours ago, mr. furley said:

the more people i talk to about cooking, the more i'm sensing a shift in the how the responsibility is changing from "tradition"

 

It's a shame you didn't have a "we both do" option.

My wife and I both cook, I have different specialties than she does. Some things we both can cook so we take turns.

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I'm floored by the disparity here. My wife's dad was a caterer and she has legit skills to open a restaurant. Some of her creations have me shaking my head. Her meatloaf made me a bit emotional the first time she made it. It was not an insignificant factor in deciding to marry her.

I'm in charge of the grill/smoker, breakfast and certain speciality items like cheesesteaks & baked goods (cakes, cookies etc.). If we're entertaining, she plans all of it and I stick to those few duties and cleanup. Even if it's 30+ people. She's a machine.

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Wife probably does 70% but she’s a stay at home mom so she’s able to have dinner ready when I get home.  Summers we grill a lot more so I’ll handle that and breakfasts and the occasional crockpot dinner

i also do the Thanksgiving turkey

i enjoy it but from a timing perspective it just works better to have her do it during the week 

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