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Intentionally Saying No to Things (1 Viewer)

AAABatteries

AAABatteries

Footballguy
We all are busy - and even if you aren’t you still have limited time.  What are some things you wouldn’t mind doing or even would like to do but for whatever reason you don’t do them?  

Here’s a few for me:

- Garden - I’d like to grow some vegetables and herbs but just buy them instead - I know it would be greatly rewarding and I could get my kids involved, just seems like too much time and just too easy to buy what I need

- Reading books - I like to read and do occasionally but I don’t make the time to do it more - this is one I feel like I should do more of

- Learning a language - this is one I’m kind of stubborn on.  I’ve always said I wanted to learn a new language and I thought in the past it would be a great thing to do.  But, I’ve reached a point in life where I’ve basically said no, I won’t do it and don’t even feel like it’s necessary any more.  English is so ubiquitous, I don’t travel internationally and I don’t see how it would help my career.  I’ve decided I will die having only learned English.

So, what things do you say no to and why?

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Interesting topic will have to think on it.

For reading, if I may, I’d suggest getting a Kindle and read just before going to bed. I only make it like 20 minutes tops a night but I’ll finish a book every month and half or so this way. 

Easy to reload with new books, battery lasts forever. 

 
Getting a passport. I don't travel much let alone internationally so it doesn't seem necessary but I feel like I should just in case the need or opportunity arises. It just seems like a hassle and requires  lead time. 

 
AAABatteries said:
- Garden - I’d like to grow some vegetables and herbs but just buy them instead - I know it would be greatly rewarding and I could get my kids involved, just seems like too much time and just too easy to buy what I need
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If you really want to do this one, and your kids have any interest at all, you would probably be surprised to realize how little time this could take you. 

My daughter wanted to grow stuff a few years ago, about the same time we dismantled the play set in the backyard. The first year she just grew some sunflowers, then we have added on to it a little each year. This year we have a couple sunflowers (because she loves them), as well as tomatoes, cucumbers, several varieties of peppers, lettuce and a selection of herbs (dill, basil, cilantro, not sure what else).

Biggest time commitment for me was the first year she "got serious". Being in Indiana with a lot of clay kin my yard, we put in raised beds and got a truckload of good dirt delivered. That was a decent time commitment one weekend to build and move dirt. 

After that, I spend 1 day in the spring helping her get some fertilizer, extra dirt, plants, etc and she does all the planting,  weeding, watering, etc. 

Last year we had tomatoes and jalapenos coming out of our ears! Gave plenty to friends and family on top of what we ate.

 
Fixing things.

My house doesn’t really have a good set up for this but not really a good excuse. I typically am paying for other people to fix something or just replacing completely. Latest example is my mower. Electric, about 10 years old. I need to sharpen the blades which should be easy enough and recently the handle thing broke. It’s like a 25 dollar part. Looks easy to replace but I’m going to do something else with that time.

 
Reading--I have so many books I have bought and haven't started

Video Games--ugghhh, I love to buy and just don't find/have the time to play.

Exercise--I am so out of shape, but too lazy to fix this.

I have really started to become a Debbie Downer. I am going to turn 50 next month, I have a chronic illness as a Type One Diabetic that I have had for the past 43 years and I know the clock is ticking on me. I find myself just content--yeah that is the best word "content". I have been with my wife since the end of high school and I have spent all these years just trying to be the best husband. I have watched most of my friends/siblings gets divorced and my wife and I are one of the last ones standing.   When my girls were born, I focused on being the best dad I could be, regardless of what I may have wanted selfishly as an individual. When they would succeed, I vicariously accept it as "my Mt. Everest" or "my Indy 500 victory."  Now, don't get me wrong--I regret nothing--I am beyond blessed in what I have.

It just is starting to hit home when I watch something simple like a documentary--I see these guys on there that are "experts" on a subject and I am just in awe because, even if I start now, I will never have half the knowledge those guys have on this subject. Something simple, I collect sports cards and when I look at my collection, I know there are cards I will never own (unless I win the lottery that is) . There are places I never will travel to--it just never will happen with the time I have left. I have started measuring my life in moments of maybe this will be the "x" time I ever do this. When I bought my last car, I started thinking, I may only do this 2-3 more times in my life

I mean, I can't believe I am alone in thinking this way. I know most would call this a mid-life crisis but considering my diagnosis where I was told if I got to 50, I would be lucky, I don't see it in the vein.  When we were young, the world was so open and amazing and as you get older, you settle into a routine because you have to survive and succeed. I have a great life, but the older you get, life really becomes a funnel.

 
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Courtjester said:
Reading--I have so many books I have bought and haven't started

Video Games--ugghhh, I love to buy and just don't find/have the time to play.

Exercise--I am so out of shape, but too lazy to fix this.

I have really started to become a Debbie Downer. I am going to turn 50 next month, I have a chronic illness as a Type One Diabetic that I have had for the past 43 years and I know the clock is ticking on me. I find myself just content--yeah that is the best word "content". I have been with my wife since the end of high school and I have spent all these years just trying to be the best husband. I have watched most of my friends/siblings gets divorced and my wife and I are one of the last ones standing.   When my girls were born, I focused on being the best dad I could be, regardless of what I may have wanted selfishly as an individual. When they would succeed, I vicariously accept it as "my Mt. Everest" or "my Indy 500 victory."  Now, don't get me wrong--I regret nothing--I am beyond blessed in what I have.

It just is starting to hit home when I watch something simple like a documentary--I see these guys on there that are "experts" on a subject and I am just in awe because, even if I start now, I will never have half the knowledge those guys have on this subject. Something simple, I collect sports cards and when I look at my collection, I know there are cards I will never own (unless I win the lottery that is) . There are places I never will travel to--it just never will happen with the time I have left. I have started measuring my life in moments of maybe this will be the "x" time I ever do this. When I bought my last car, I started thinking, I may only do this 2-3 more times in my life

I mean, I can't believe I am alone in thinking this way. I know most would call this a mid-life crisis but considering my diagnosis where I was told if I got to 50, I would be lucky, I don't see it in the vein.  When we were young, the world was so open and amazing and as you get older, you settle into a routine because you have to survive and succeed. I have a great life, but the older you get, life really becomes a funnel.
Click to expand...


everyone feels like they aren't doing enough, haven't done enough, should do more, could be better, etc. even the people who appear to have it all.  :shrug: it's the human experience.

be a good person, a good dad and never quit trying new things

 
Read more

AAABatteries said:
We all are busy - and even if you aren’t you still have limited time.  What are some things you wouldn’t mind doing or even would like to do but for whatever reason you don’t do them?  

Here’s a few for me:

- Garden - I’d like to grow some vegetables and herbs but just buy them instead - I know it would be greatly rewarding and I could get my kids involved, just seems like too much time and just too easy to buy what I need

- Reading books - I like to read and do occasionally but I don’t make the time to do it more - this is one I feel like I should do more of

- Learning a language - this is one I’m kind of stubborn on.  I’ve always said I wanted to learn a new language and I thought in the past it would be a great thing to do.  But, I’ve reached a point in life where I’ve basically said no, I won’t do it and don’t even feel like it’s necessary any more.  English is so ubiquitous, I don’t travel internationally and I don’t see how it would help my career.  I’ve decided I will die having only learned English.

So, what things do you say no to and why?
Click to expand...
Also reading for me. I used to be reading about 3-4 books a month, now it's more like 1. 

 
I can finish books surprisingly quickly if I'm just consistent about reading every day. A couple of pages here and there adds up fast. I just try to read at least 1 page a day to keep the story fresh in my head.

 
Courtjester said:
Reading--I have so many books I have bought and haven't started

Video Games--ugghhh, I love to buy and just don't find/have the time to play.

Exercise--I am so out of shape, but too lazy to fix this.

I have really started to become a Debbie Downer. I am going to turn 50 next month, I have a chronic illness as a Type One Diabetic that I have had for the past 43 years and I know the clock is ticking on me. I find myself just content--yeah that is the best word "content". I have been with my wife since the end of high school and I have spent all these years just trying to be the best husband. I have watched most of my friends/siblings gets divorced and my wife and I are one of the last ones standing.   When my girls were born, I focused on being the best dad I could be, regardless of what I may have wanted selfishly as an individual. When they would succeed, I vicariously accept it as "my Mt. Everest" or "my Indy 500 victory."  Now, don't get me wrong--I regret nothing--I am beyond blessed in what I have.

It just is starting to hit home when I watch something simple like a documentary--I see these guys on there that are "experts" on a subject and I am just in awe because, even if I start now, I will never have half the knowledge those guys have on this subject. Something simple, I collect sports cards and when I look at my collection, I know there are cards I will never own (unless I win the lottery that is) . There are places I never will travel to--it just never will happen with the time I have left. I have started measuring my life in moments of maybe this will be the "x" time I ever do this. When I bought my last car, I started thinking, I may only do this 2-3 more times in my life

I mean, I can't believe I am alone in thinking this way. I know most would call this a mid-life crisis but considering my diagnosis where I was told if I got to 50, I would be lucky, I don't see it in the vein.  When we were young, the world was so open and amazing and as you get older, you settle into a routine because you have to survive and succeed. I have a great life, but the older you get, life really becomes a funnel.
Click to expand...
I completely get where you are coming from.  My only suggestion is be the best you and don’t measure yourself against others.  That idea wasn’t why I started the thread but it’s a part for sure.  The idea hit me when I was listening to a podcast and the guy was talking about martial arts - I took some classes when I was a kid but only progressed a couple belts.  Never continued.  Still think it would cool but I know I won’t do it and I’m good with that now.  And I don’t know why I didn’t include this in the first post.   :doh:

 
Being a calmer, more patient driver. But I like to get aggravated while I drive, apparently. The dumb thing is it's not even due to me being late. I just hate wasting time while behind the wheel.

 
Play golf.

I love it, but the time and expense it takes has been completely overtaken.  I play maybe once or twice a year just in fundraising type tournaments. There was a point in my life when I played almost every single week when the weather was good enough.

 
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The General said:
Interesting topic will have to think on it.

For reading, if I may, I’d suggest getting a Kindle and read just before going to bed. I only make it like 20 minutes tops a night but I’ll finish a book every month and half or so this way. 

Easy to reload with new books, battery lasts forever. 
Click to expand...
:X

 
Mostly due to working more, kids stuff, and being perpetually tired, but what I would like to do more:

Watch movies - no surprise here, but this probably my #1 passion, but usually by the time I try to start watching one it's 10pm and I pass out.  Back in the pre-kid days, I would probably get to 7-10/week.  

Read more - I am slowly trying to get better at this by taking a book along to my son's games and getting through some during warm ups, halftime, etc.  I just get frustrated that I am not able to read more/faster, forget where I was, and have a tendency to not finish what I start.  

Learn the guitar - my wife/kids got me one for Christmas a couple years ago and I love the idea of it, but haven't gotten around to playing it much. 

Exercise - I am sure this will help with my perpetual tiredness, but can't seem to talk myself into consistently waking up any earlier.  

 
The General said:
Really? Thing is amazing. Holds a million books,  easy to travel with, can borrow books to it, battery lasts a month, indestructible, cheap, easy to read on. What don’t you like about?
Click to expand...
I get all that - it's just the one piece of tech I can't do.  I hate reading books on a screen.  There is something about the weight of the book and the smell of the pages that need to be present for me.    I know - get off my lawn...

 
KarmaPolice said:
I get all that - it's just the one piece of tech I can't do.  I hate reading books on a screen.  There is something about the weight of the book and the smell of the pages that need to be present for me.    I know - get off my lawn...
Click to expand...
I was the same way until using the Kindle on vacation. Trying to travel light with a couple books isn’t a good combo. The screen is easy on the eyes, easy to hold, better at night. Can’t remember the last physical book I bought.

 
The General said:
I was the same way until using the Kindle on vacation. Trying to travel light with a couple books isn’t a good combo. The screen is easy on the eyes, easy to hold, better at night. Can’t remember the last physical book I bought.
Click to expand...
How does it affect you before sleeping - relative to other "screens"?

I have bad insomnia, and any "screen" exposure right before bedtime can keep me up longer. Books don't seem to have this effect.

I have tried some of the special "modes" on my laptop and phone and that does help some - but it is not perfect.

 
Man of Constant Sorrow said:
How does it affect you before sleeping - relative to other "screens"?

I have bad insomnia, and any "screen" exposure right before bedtime can keep me up longer. Books don't seem to have this effect.

I have tried some of the special "modes" on my laptop and phone and that does help some - but it is not perfect.
Click to expand...
Don't think it has the fast refresh rate that computer screens have. It doesn't interfere with my sleep needs st all, and TV/computer use does...j

 
MAC_32 said:
Evening/night social activities - saying no is the right decision, but me 10 years ago kinda wants to jam a fork in my eye.
Click to expand...
Great answer.  I need quiet evenings as decompression time, and over the past few years I've become a lot more willing to say no when people suggest social outings.  

 
Agree with others who've said:

Fixing things/home improvement - but it is sometimes just as big a PITA to get somebody else to do it.

Travel, especially to distant places like Africa. As my wife's parents age, she's much more reluctant too. I've had to cut two trips short in the last couple years because of their health problems.

Drugs. Never done any of them, nor been drunk. Have a plan to check out hallucinogens once my body starts failing.

And I'll add investing. I'm doing all the easy stuff like minimizing debt and max 401k, but have funds collecting dust in my checking account. Keep telling myself I'll open up an online account for an index fund.  

 
Relaxing

I need to learn to just sit, relax and enjoy everything around me. i'm generally not the type of person who enjoys doing 'nothing' but as I get older i'm realizing how much I miss by doing too much. I am usually tied up with or at least thinking about work given I work for myself. I need to do a better job of identifying areas that I can hire out to take the stress off of my schedule. 

 
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Some good answers and conversation but I think my original intent is lost because I'm stupid and didn't explain things well.  I was really thinking more of things where in the past you would have liked to do them or had an idea to do them but now you are just saying no because you make the time for other things or you determined it's not worth it (based on money, possibly time, age, health, etc.).  Sorry that I was confusing - if you play golf and just don't have time then I don't consider that intentionally saying no.  If you always wanted to pick it up and decided "I'm never playing golf because it's too costly and time consuming and I want to spend time on some other endeavor", that counts. 

I guess the intentionally saying no part is the key aspect.  I'm intentionally saying no to learning a new language - I don't feel like I need to any longer and I'd rather spend that time and energy doing something else.  Similarly my martial arts comment - I thought it would be cool to be a black belt.  Discipline, strength, and more would be a byproduct - but I've decided I won't ever do it. 

 
Terminalxylem said:
Fixing things/home improvement - but it is sometimes just as big a PITA to get somebody else to do it.
Click to expand...
I always had this grand idea of buying a classic car and fixing it up.  That will never happen - even if I come in to the money to do it I would probably just pay someone to fix it up.  I also don't spend time learning a lot of new home improvement jobs because I'm just not that interesting in certain things.  I'll google stuff and fix things as needed but if it's a complex job I'm calling a handy man.

 
AAABatteries said:
Some good answers and conversation but I think my original intent is lost because I'm stupid and didn't explain things well.  I was really thinking more of things where in the past you would have liked to do them or had an idea to do them but now you are just saying no because you make the time for other things or you determined it's not worth it (based on money, possibly time, age, health, etc.).  Sorry that I was confusing - if you play golf and just don't have time then I don't consider that intentionally saying no.  If you always wanted to pick it up and decided "I'm never playing golf because it's too costly and time consuming and I want to spend time on some other endeavor", that counts. 

I guess the intentionally saying no part is the key aspect.  I'm intentionally saying no to learning a new language - I don't feel like I need to any longer and I'd rather spend that time and energy doing something else.  Similarly my martial arts comment - I thought it would be cool to be a black belt.  Discipline, strength, and more would be a byproduct - but I've decided I won't ever do it. 
Click to expand...
going to the gym, but that's changing today. 

I use to love crossfit, but it became a burden b/c I was working full time, stopping at the gym after work, then by the time I got home everyone was in bed. On top of that I worked a second job out of the house, so I would basically kiss everyone, eat by myself and then go back to work. I have to pull the plug on it b/c I felt like I was cheating on my family by trying to take time for myself, even if it was for health reasons. I ended up getting a small injury that sidelined me and I just never got back into it.

that was about 3-4 years ago and now I'm way over weight for what I am comfortable with. Went to a wedding tis weekend and had to buy new pants for my suit b/c my fat ### couldn't fit into the old ones. Now I only work for myself so there is no excuse why I can't go get a work out in while everyone is in school. Hope I don't die lol

 
AAABatteries said:
Some good answers and conversation but I think my original intent is lost because I'm stupid and didn't explain things well.  I was really thinking more of things where in the past you would have liked to do them or had an idea to do them but now you are just saying no because you make the time for other things or you determined it's not worth it (based on money, possibly time, age, health, etc.).  Sorry that I was confusing - if you play golf and just don't have time then I don't consider that intentionally saying no.  If you always wanted to pick it up and decided "I'm never playing golf because it's too costly and time consuming and I want to spend time on some other endeavor", that counts. 

I guess the intentionally saying no part is the key aspect.  I'm intentionally saying no to learning a new language - I don't feel like I need to any longer and I'd rather spend that time and energy doing something else.  Similarly my martial arts comment - I thought it would be cool to be a black belt.  Discipline, strength, and more would be a byproduct - but I've decided I won't ever do it. 
Click to expand...
Maybe you should start a thread for that then.....

 
Making new friends. I feel like I have plenty at this point.

My wife is friendly to everyone, and has many acquaintances as a result. She often wants to have new people over for dinner, etc., and I sometimes find myself putting the kibosh on her plans. I’d rather spend time with the friends we’ve already made, and there is only so much time to socialize.

 
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