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The Wonders of Women (1 Viewer)

Anarchy99

Anarchy99

Footballguy
My wife sent me 28 texts (literally) in a short time frame, some of them exceedingly long. I texted a question back asking her for a simple answer. To which she replied that she's busy and doesn't have time to discuss it. But the 20+ minutes she spent to create all the other texts she wasn't busy?

 
Thanks for starting a thread to remind me why I'm staying single.   Now that summer is coming to an end, I'm gonna be back on the fence, but this should help.

 
Anarchy99 said:
My wife sent me 28 texts (literally) in a short time frame, some of them exceedingly long. I texted a question back asking her for a simple answer. To which she replied that she's busy and doesn't have time to discuss it. But the 20+ minutes she spent to create all the other texts she wasn't busy?
Click to expand...
I absolutely hate when I need to get an answer from my wife for a simple question.  HATE IT.

Sometimes I'll get 10 minutes of talking or 10 texts without actually answering the question.

me: "Do you need me to pick up little belljr today?"

her: "Well I was going to leave early, I have a nail appointment on Thursday but if I leave today early I have to work late that day.   Stacy just put in her 2 weeks so there will be a lot of work to do.  I'm thinking about still leaving early but need to make up time, probably need to go shopping at some point and we have a few house projects to get done"

me: :mellow:  "So, do you need me to pick up little belljr today?"

"WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN!@#!@#123"

me: "Is that a yes?

 
Anarchy99 said:
My wife sent me 28 texts (literally) in a short time frame, some of them exceedingly long. I texted a question back asking her for a simple answer. To which she replied that she's busy and doesn't have time to discuss it. But the 20+ minutes she spent to create all the other texts she wasn't busy?
Click to expand...
Maybe she was on the poopdeck when she was sending the 28 texts?  

 
1) A waxing appointment is supposed to last about 15 minutes, but I just spent the last 35 minutes trapped on a table - a captive audience - to all of the health problems and marital strife that's going on in my esthetician's life right now. 2) My cleaning lady called me yesterday crying, about how she accidentally lost my house key. 3) And my girl stood me up last night, just didn't show up, after asking me to get us seafood reservations on Sunday.

All I see it as:  An opportunity to lend them support when they need it. And not get myself wrapped up in becoming dependent on them. I'll sleep comfortably at night knowing that I held my head high, shoulders back with my chest out and acted like it didn't bother me. And thank God everyday for my freedom from being attached.

 
offdee said:
Their inability to understand how a thermostat functions or how to properly load a dishwasher is one of life’s greatest mysteries. 
Click to expand...
... and they consistently install the toilet paper roll backwards ... when everyone knows the paper exits from the front.

I'm promptly switching that #### around whenever I find it wrong ... which is pretty much every time she does it. 

The last thing in need is to be on my throne, drunktarded, lights off in the middle of the night, spinning and spinning and not getting any paper.

 
Bossman said:
... and they consistently install the toilet paper roll backwards ... when everyone knows the paper exits from the front.

I'm promptly switching that #### around whenever I find it wrong ... which is pretty much every time she does it. 

The last thing in need is to be on my throne, drunktarded, lights off in the middle of the night, spinning and spinning and not getting any paper.
Click to expand...
Do yourself a favor and install the toilet paper holders that don’t use the spring tension bar.  Just a quick slip off and turn when it’s on wrong  

like this 

https://www.westelm.com/m/products/modern-overhang-bath-hardware-polished-nickel-b2725/?cm_cat=Google&sku=627285&catalogId=71&cm_ite=627285&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI0MHP6dPs5AIVOP7jBx2olA8eEAQYBCABEgK9cPD_BwE&cm_ven=PLA&cm_pla=Bath > Bathroom Hardware

 
ChainsawU said:
1) A waxing appointment is supposed to last about 15 minutes, but I just spent the last 35 minutes trapped on a table - a captive audience - to all of the health problems and marital strife that's going on in my esthetician's life right now. 2) My cleaning lady called me yesterday crying, about how she accidentally lost my house key. 3) And my girl stood me up last night, just didn't show up, after asking me to get us seafood reservations on Sunday.

All I see it as:  An opportunity to lend them support when they need it. And not get myself wrapped up in becoming dependent on them. I'll sleep comfortably at night knowing that I held my head high, shoulders back with my chest out and acted like it didn't bother me. And thank God everyday for my freedom from being attached.
Click to expand...
“Look at me!  I’m smooth like a baby.”

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Bossman said:
... and they consistently install the toilet paper roll backwards ... when everyone knows the paper exits from the front.

I'm promptly switching that #### around whenever I find it wrong ... which is pretty much every time she does it. 

The last thing in need is to be on my throne, drunktarded, lights off in the middle of the night, spinning and spinning and not getting any paper.
Click to expand...
Like a blind cat high on catnip.

 
There are things my wife does that I will never understand, but I don't have to know everything about her. It keeps everything interesting, and my memory is not great anyway, so it really doesn't matter.

 
The many perils of wives...

Throw pillows

Asking how my day was when they don't really care

Wasting time, then telling us they are too busy

Spending more on clothes than they make

Making a total mess around the house, then asking why I didn't put a fork in the dishwasher

Changing thermostat to heat when it's 80 degree out cause they were too cold in the house

Asking to go to dinner, then saying they don't care where we eat.  Then complaining about where we went.

Remembering only what they want to remember, and playing stupid to anything you remember they did

 
Brunell4MVP said:
Remembering only what they want to remember, and playing stupid to anything you remember they did
Click to expand...
I need strategies to help me cope with this one. So far I've just been "playing it cool." Acting like nothing bothers me. But what do you say, what do you do when it's just the two of you and she's just making #### up out of thin air? That she then goes with, & believes to be true.. just because she made it up 5 seconds ago and it suits her.

 
ChainsawU said:
3) And my girl stood me up last night, just didn't show up, after asking me to get us seafood reservations on Sunday.
Click to expand...
An example of playing stupid/making #### up out of thin air: Her reasoning for this last night - her excuse, was "Babe, I just haven't been eating food on Tuesdays lately."

 
ChainsawU said:
An example of playing stupid/making #### up out of thin air: Her reasoning for this last night - her excuse, was "Babe, I just haven't been eating food on Tuesdays lately."
Click to expand...
Take her out for dinner this weekend, and when the check arrives, tell her "Babe, I just haven't been carrying around my wallet on weekends lately."

 
offdee said:
Their inability to properly load a dishwasher is one of life’s greatest mysteries. 
Click to expand...
This makes me rage.  Her Tetris skills are terrible and translate directly to the dishwasher. 

BUT, she makes up for it with her Jenga skills.  She'll pile garbage 2 feet high out of the kitchen trash can rather than empty the can.  Then I get to come along, take a second bag, disassemble the Leaning Tower, wrestle the lid off without letting it touch the leftovers she dumped right at rim height, then carefully pull the bag out that weighs 40 lbs now bc she's mashed it down 12 times, and do so without it tearing on the way out....grrr makes me rage again

 
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Since this looks like the place to complain about stooopid #### our wives do....

My wife has this habit of getting into her car in the morning and throwing her empty seltzer water aluminum can onto the ground to make room for her new seltzer can. I used to pick them up. There are 3 outside our house right now. 

I cant even fathom how anyone does this so I’ve stopped trying to make sense of it. 

No matter how much I complain, and we’re talking 10+ years at least, I can’t get anyone in the house to turn off the lights when they leave a room.

I give up. I can’t let it bother me anymore because nobody is going to listen anyway. I’m sure I do #### that drives her crazy too. 

 
offdee said:
Do yourself a favor and install the toilet paper holders that don’t use the spring tension bar.  Just a quick slip off and turn when it’s on wrong  

like this 

https://www.westelm.com/m/products/modern-overhang-bath-hardware-polished-nickel-b2725/?cm_cat=Google&sku=627285&catalogId=71&cm_ite=627285&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI0MHP6dPs5AIVOP7jBx2olA8eEAQYBCABEgK9cPD_BwE&cm_ven=PLA&cm_pla=Bath > Bathroom Hardware
Click to expand...
The ones that tilt up and down to change might be the greatest single invention since . . . everything.

 
STEADYMOBBIN 22 said:
Since this looks like the place to complain about stooopid #### our wives do....

My wife has this habit of getting into her car in the morning and throwing her empty seltzer water aluminum can onto the ground to make room for her new seltzer can. I used to pick them up. There are 3 outside our house right now. 

I cant even fathom how anyone does this so I’ve stopped trying to make sense of it. 

No matter how much I complain, and we’re talking 10+ years at least, I can’t get anyone in the house to turn off the lights when they leave a room.

I give up. I can’t let it bother me anymore because nobody is going to listen anyway. I’m sure I do #### that drives her crazy too. 
Click to expand...
Because you clean up the old ones, eventually.

 
my wife refuses to clean. refuses. her reasoning being "this isn't the 50s and i'm not some stay-at-home maid/wife".

i'm not a meticulous guy so a perfect house is not my ideal. not by any stretch. remotely.

but things still need to be cleaned periodically. scrub the toilet, sweep the floors, vacuum, etc. so i do it. all of it. not on any set date, nor do i spend hours laboring over it. i just do it when i notice things.

and since i'm such a clod and never think things through OF COURSE she has to follow along after me and re-do everything i did because it's totally wrong and i probably used the wrong cleaning product/vacuum setting/swept in the wrong way.

she also abhors everyone else's mess. if i drink a glass of water, leave the room and don't bring the glass she points out that i'm setting a bad example for the kids by being a lazy mess. meanwhile, 3 empty wine glasses, 6 empty chocolate bar wrappers, underwear on the floor, dirty plates, etc. all hers... not an issue since she "didn't have time to clean it up yet".

which leads to situations like we encountered the other day. she was walking upstairs (stepping over her dirty clothes and shoes that were on the steps) and decided that the banister was "sticky". it's not.. but... apparently it was that day. after grilling everyone about what might have been spilled on it... or what someone purposefully did to make it "sticky" and not getting a satisfactory answer, she took it upon herself to tell me that the banister should be cleaned. to which i replied that i'd dusted/cleaned it the other day (i hadn't). after stewing about what to do she actually decided to clean the banister............ using some cleaning product that completely stripped the varnish & stain off the entire thing. 

upside: banister isn't "sticky" anymore. you might catch a splinter off it but at least you won't feel "sticky" wood

downside: it's my fault for not realizing she was using a cleaning product that would strip layers off the banister and stopping her before she ruined all the wood

end result: until i re-varnish the thing it will remain as is because my wife "doesn't do manual labor, that's (furley's) job"

 
mr. furley said:
my wife refuses to clean. refuses. her reasoning being "this isn't the 50s and i'm not some stay-at-home maid/wife".

i'm not a meticulous guy so a perfect house is not my ideal. not by any stretch. remotely.

but things still need to be cleaned periodically. scrub the toilet, sweep the floors, vacuum, etc. so i do it. all of it. not on any set date, nor do i spend hours laboring over it. i just do it when i notice things.

and since i'm such a clod and never think things through OF COURSE she has to follow along after me and re-do everything i did because it's totally wrong and i probably used the wrong cleaning product/vacuum setting/swept in the wrong way.

she also abhors everyone else's mess. if i drink a glass of water, leave the room and don't bring the glass she points out that i'm setting a bad example for the kids by being a lazy mess. meanwhile, 3 empty wine glasses, 6 empty chocolate bar wrappers, underwear on the floor, dirty plates, etc. all hers... not an issue since she "didn't have time to clean it up yet".

which leads to situations like we encountered the other day. she was walking upstairs (stepping over her dirty clothes and shoes that were on the steps) and decided that the banister was "sticky". it's not.. but... apparently it was that day. after grilling everyone about what might have been spilled on it... or what someone purposefully did to make it "sticky" and not getting a satisfactory answer, she took it upon herself to tell me that the banister should be cleaned. to which i replied that i'd dusted/cleaned it the other day (i hadn't). after stewing about what to do she actually decided to clean the banister............ using some cleaning product that completely stripped the varnish & stain off the entire thing. 

upside: banister isn't "sticky" anymore. you might catch a splinter off it but at least you won't feel "sticky" wood

downside: it's my fault for not realizing she was using a cleaning product that would strip layers off the banister and stopping her before she ruined all the wood

end result: until i re-varnish the thing it will remain as is because my wife "doesn't do manual labor, that's (furley's) job"
Click to expand...
Uhhh......

 
mr. furley said:
my wife refuses to clean. refuses. her reasoning being "this isn't the 50s and i'm not some stay-at-home maid/wife".

i'm not a meticulous guy so a perfect house is not my ideal. not by any stretch. remotely.

but things still need to be cleaned periodically. scrub the toilet, sweep the floors, vacuum, etc. so i do it. all of it. not on any set date, nor do i spend hours laboring over it. i just do it when i notice things.

and since i'm such a clod and never think things through OF COURSE she has to follow along after me and re-do everything i did because it's totally wrong and i probably used the wrong cleaning product/vacuum setting/swept in the wrong way.

she also abhors everyone else's mess. if i drink a glass of water, leave the room and don't bring the glass she points out that i'm setting a bad example for the kids by being a lazy mess. meanwhile, 3 empty wine glasses, 6 empty chocolate bar wrappers, underwear on the floor, dirty plates, etc. all hers... not an issue since she "didn't have time to clean it up yet".

which leads to situations like we encountered the other day. she was walking upstairs (stepping over her dirty clothes and shoes that were on the steps) and decided that the banister was "sticky". it's not.. but... apparently it was that day. after grilling everyone about what might have been spilled on it... or what someone purposefully did to make it "sticky" and not getting a satisfactory answer, she took it upon herself to tell me that the banister should be cleaned. to which i replied that i'd dusted/cleaned it the other day (i hadn't). after stewing about what to do she actually decided to clean the banister............ using some cleaning product that completely stripped the varnish & stain off the entire thing. 

upside: banister isn't "sticky" anymore. you might catch a splinter off it but at least you won't feel "sticky" wood

downside: it's my fault for not realizing she was using a cleaning product that would strip layers off the banister and stopping her before she ruined all the wood

end result: until i re-varnish the thing it will remain as is because my wife "doesn't do manual labor, that's (furley's) job"
Click to expand...
Whoa. A lot there.

In any case. I’m guessing having a cleaning service come in every couple weeks here is a great investment. Should be less than a 100 a visit. Well worth the money in this case.

 
My fiancée recently ran out of coffee at home one morning and ordered a McDonalds medium-size cup of joe delivered to her house. No food.

$6.00 with tip.

She lives less than a mile from McDonalds, a gas station, and the grocery store.

Her reason: “it was my day off and I didn’t feel like getting out.”

 
Tusken Raider said:
My fiancée recently ran out of coffee at home one morning and ordered a McDonalds medium-size cup of joe delivered to her house. No food.

$6.00 with tip.

She lives less than a mile from McDonalds, a gas station, and the grocery store.

Her reason: “it was my day off and I didn’t feel like getting out.”
Click to expand...
Teacher her how to make coffee at home. It will be better and cheaper with much less leaving home. 

 
Ilov80s said:
Teacher her how to make coffee at home. It will be better and cheaper with much less leaving home. 
Click to expand...
She actually makes a good brew, but was out of grounds in the pantry that morning. Has a prized collection of ceramic mugs that occupies two shelves in the cabinet.

She’s also an excellent driver, but terrible with directions. Will converse with the Onstar operator during live, play-by-play directions while driving to an unknown location a few miles down the road. 

 
mr. furley said:
my wife refuses to clean. refuses. her reasoning being "this isn't the 50s and i'm not some stay-at-home maid/wife".

i'm not a meticulous guy so a perfect house is not my ideal. not by any stretch. remotely.

edited for brevity and sadness....
Click to expand...
I have to admit, I'd likely be divorced if I were in your shoes.

 
Tusken Raider said:
My fiancée recently ran out of coffee at home one morning and ordered a McDonalds medium-size cup of joe delivered to her house. No food.

$6.00 with tip.

She lives less than a mile from McDonalds, a gas station, and the grocery store.

Her reason: “it was my day off and I didn’t feel like getting out.”
Click to expand...
GLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

 
My wife is an excellent planner, great driver, the best at loading the dishwasher, loves looking at maps and prides herself off never using navigation unless she's > 100 miles from home, but there is no wrath greater than when I ask her how much she spends on her "lotions and potions" aka beauty products. 

 
Last edited by a moderator:
ChainsawU said:
I need strategies to help me cope with this one. So far I've just been "playing it cool." Acting like nothing bothers me. But what do you say, what do you do when it's just the two of you and she's just making #### up out of thin air? That she then goes with, & believes to be true.. just because she made it up 5 seconds ago and it suits her.
Click to expand...
I can't imagine how many times I've said, "you told me last week that you ...".  Only to be asked "when exactly did I say it".  If I know the exact moment and describe it in detail, she says "I'd never have said that.  You must be wrong".  If I can't remember the exact moment, I get the "so you don't really know.  you are just making it up".  It's all a bunch of BS.  Women act all smart like they are playing with your head.  They aren't.  it was this way for 10+ girlfriends and my wife.  Deep down they are completely clueless.  If you go with that understanding, you're all set.

 
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My wife puts up with me.  So not matter what small thing she does that annoys me, I'll never win this game.

 
Getting back to the phone usage situation (like in my OP), I readily admit there are times when I am on my phone too much. But that being said . . . my wife will have times when we go out to eat, are watching something on tv, etc. when she insists I need to put my phone away. I don't have a problem with that, as that makes perfect sense.

But she will start texting people, checking her Facebook page, playing videos, researching things on her phone, responding to an email, etc. while we are trying to either have a conversation (if out for a drink) or watch a movie that SHE picked to watch. Last night was the perfect example, as she had her nose in her phone for an hour straight while we were watching something and I took my phone out to check the score of the DAL / NO game. That took all of 8 seconds and you would have thought that I was a serial ax murderer.

There are times when she ends up in like 6 different text conversations with kids / parents / friends / co-workers at the same time. But if I quickly check on how my fantasy team is doing, then I ruined our evening. Oh . . . I forget to mention that I am often asked to recap the hour of the movie she missed because it was "too hard to follow."

 
Anarchy99 said:
Getting back to the phone usage situation (like in my OP), I readily admit there are times when I am on my phone too much. But that being said . . . my wife will have times when we go out to eat, are watching something on tv, etc. when she insists I need to put my phone away. I don't have a problem with that, as that makes perfect sense.

But she will start texting people, checking her Facebook page, playing videos, researching things on her phone, responding to an email, etc. while we are trying to either have a conversation (if out for a drink) or watch a movie that SHE picked to watch. Last night was the perfect example, as she had her nose in her phone for an hour straight while we were watching something and I took my phone out to check the score of the DAL / NO game. That took all of 8 seconds and you would have thought that I was a serial ax murderer.

There are times when she ends up in like 6 different text conversations with kids / parents / friends / co-workers at the same time. But if I quickly check on how my fantasy team is doing, then I ruined our evening. Oh . . . I forget to mention that I am often asked to recap the hour of the movie she missed because it was "too hard to follow."
Click to expand...
Geez, I thought I was the only one.  I know how it feels.

Do you call her out on it?  I try to, but it always ends in a fight....

 
Anarchy99 said:
Getting back to the phone usage situation (like in my OP), I readily admit there are times when I am on my phone too much. But that being said . . . my wife will have times when we go out to eat, are watching something on tv, etc. when she insists I need to put my phone away. I don't have a problem with that, as that makes perfect sense.

But she will start texting people, checking her Facebook page, playing videos, researching things on her phone, responding to an email, etc. while we are trying to either have a conversation (if out for a drink) or watch a movie that SHE picked to watch. Last night was the perfect example, as she had her nose in her phone for an hour straight while we were watching something and I took my phone out to check the score of the DAL / NO game. That took all of 8 seconds and you would have thought that I was a serial ax murderer.

There are times when she ends up in like 6 different text conversations with kids / parents / friends / co-workers at the same time. But if I quickly check on how my fantasy team is doing, then I ruined our evening. Oh . . . I forget to mention that I am often asked to recap the hour of the movie she missed because it was "too hard to follow."
Click to expand...
my wife:  we should watch a show together

me: ok

wife: which show?

me: how about Mindhunters?

wife: ok. i love that show. but you have to pay attention and not talk to your beer and football friends 

me: i like this show. i'm going to watch it. i'm the one who suggested it.

wife: (falls asleep 3 minutes in)  (wakes up after the credits roll) i thought we were going to watch a show?? 

 
mr. furley said:
my wife:  we should watch a show together

me: ok

wife: which show?

me: how about Mindhunters?

wife: ok. i love that show. but you have to pay attention and not talk to your beer and football friends 

me: i like this show. i'm going to watch it. i'm the one who suggested it.

wife: (falls asleep 3 minutes in)  (wakes up after the credits roll) i thought we were going to watch a show?? 
Click to expand...
I love your stories. 

 
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