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Living in a Split Political Household (1 Viewer)

Anarchy99

Footballguy
This is the first year all of our kids are old enough to vote (and they are a lot more into politics then when they were indifferent before). However the breakdown is split pretty evenly.

- Me (Democratic leaning, moderate, not in love with Biden, but Never Trump.)
- Wife (Driving the Trump train and he can do no wrong. Greatest. President. EVER. TOTALLY drinking the Kool-Aid.)
- Oldest Son (Prefers Trump but is not totally in love with him.)
- Oldest Daughter (Never Trump.)
- Middle Daughter (Voted Trump last time, now can't stand him.)
- Middle Son (Trump fan but not in anyone's face about it)
- Youngest Son (Pro-Trump / conservative)

Many times things get hot, contentious, and awkward. Tough to have a conversation that doesn't get out of hand. Anyone else live in a household that isn't politically unified?

 
Not as much these days given the guy in office.  She is a traditional conservative...voted Republican every election til the last.  Her parents and one sister are all in on Trump...the other sister voted Trump but doesn't like him, but won't ever vote for a Democrat.

Me...more traditional conservative fiscally but have moved left socially in the past 20 years or so.  But still voted Republican until 2012 when I went Gary J in 12 and 16.  Just could not vote Hillary.  Now...will vote Biden...as will my wife (she actually voted Hillary as she was repulsed by Trump from the beginning).

This election won't be much split...next may be.  We just don't discuss politics with most of her family (but that predates Trump...they are very right right right wing and won't ever budge on any of it.  Democrats are evil.  Her one sister who does not like Trump...we talk politics with her and her husband easily.  Very reasonable to talk to about all of it.

 
Thank you for this. 

Yes, my household is not unanimous. My friend group is definitely unanimous (very strongly pro Trump). 

My answer for both family and friend group is we prioritize love for each other way over politics. That may sound simplistic. But it works for us. 

We are actually not just getting by with this. But thriving with this. I've learned from my friends and I think they've learned from me. 

 
Back in the day (20+ years ago) she swung pretty far left. The past five years, she has shifted way to the other side. I stayed in the same range. So it’s only gotten weird more recently. 
My wife pretty much doesn’t care and doesn’t pay attention but she at least recognizes that Trump is a con man.  

 
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I can't see how I could respect my wife if she loved Trump. I have 3 kids in their 20's but only one still lives at home All of them are disgusted with Trump. 

I have 7 siblings and rent some farmland from a partnership they belong to. Two of them are considering selling out their share because the managing partner loves Trump. I don't even like to talk to her but try.  My brother and her are not speaking to each other. 

 
https://deadline.com/2018/11/bill-maher-hbo-real-time-new-rules-shut-up-holiday-advice-1202503725/amp/

This is a video clip from Bill Maher. 

Hang on! 

It's exactly the right point: stop trying to convince relatives. Keep your political opinions to yourselves, the way we all used to. We are all sharing WAY TOO MUCH about our political views. I know I sure as heck am.

What I said to my brothers: You wanna convince Mom she's wrong, after many arguments and tears, or you wanna just get along with Mom?

If you are in a household with Brett Kavanaugh, OK, go nuts. Disregard my previous statements.

Otherwise, let's just decide to moratorium that subject, and get along with our families.

 
The Z Machine said:
How does that happen? 
Back in the day, she had a save the world mentality. She has a military family and was somewhat showing her independence by supporting the Democrats. By the time Obama came around, her family started convincing her that his administration was destroying the country. 

Then she started working for the Medicaid program and she found that plenty of lazy people are getting platinum healthcare coverage for free, far better than what we are getting and have to pay for. 

She voted Trump last time because he was the chance of something different. Since then, she became enthralled with how well 401k and investments shot up. Now she is totally against entitlement programs and believes hard working people that pushed themselves to the top of the income food chain should not be punished by having to pay taxes to support the poor.

Her friends have done well along the way, they share similar ideals, she has become much more integrated with her family, and here we are.

I don’t agree with all the policies of either party and somewhat pick and chose positions independently. I just don’t care for Trump the person. If anyone rubbed me the wrong way, it’s him. 

 
lazyike said:
I can't see how I could respect my wife if she loved Trump. I have 3 kids in their 20's but only one still lives at home All of them are disgusted with Trump. 

I have 7 siblings and rent some farmland from a partnership they belong to. Two of them are considering selling out their share because the managing partner loves Trump. I don't even like to talk to her but try.  My brother and her are not speaking to each other. 
Isn’t the entire liberal agenda supposed to be about accepting everyone?

 
Back in the day, she had a save the world mentality. She has a military family and was somewhat showing her independence by supporting the Democrats. By the time Obama came around, her family started convincing her that his administration was destroying the country. 

Then she started working for the Medicaid program and she found that plenty of lazy people are getting platinum healthcare coverage for free, far better than what we are getting and have to pay for. 

She voted Trump last time because he was the chance of something different. Since then, she became enthralled with how well 401k and investments shot up. Now she is totally against entitlement programs and believes hard working people that pushed themselves to the top of the income food chain should not be punished by having to pay taxes to support the poor.

Her friends have done well along the way, they share similar ideals, she has become much more integrated with her family, and here we are.

I don’t agree with all the policies of either party and somewhat pick and chose positions independently. I just don’t care for Trump the person. If anyone rubbed me the wrong way, it’s him. 
Thanks for sharing.  I've never met anyone that has done a 180 on their politics within their adult life. 

 
My wife is full on Trump. He can do no wrong and she'll defend him no matter what, although she'll admit he's an idiot at times. Doesnt matter though.

I reluctantly voted Trump and gave him every opportunity to earn my 2020 vote. Even before Covid, I had made up my mind that he wouldnt get it. Early on in the virus, I thought he was doing a very good job and it almost swayed me but so many things since have solidified my null vote this election.

We have some minor disputes but she knows where I stand and we mostly avoid discussing negative things. I only wish the Dems had a really good candidate. This will be the first time I will not mark a name for President going back to Reagan's first term.

 
My wife is full on Trump. He can do no wrong and she'll defend him no matter what, although she'll admit he's an idiot at times. Doesnt matter though.

I reluctantly voted Trump and gave him every opportunity to earn my 2020 vote. Even before Covid, I had made up my mind that he wouldnt get it. Early on in the virus, I thought he was doing a very good job and it almost swayed me but so many things since have solidified my null vote this election.

We have some minor disputes but she knows where I stand and we mostly avoid discussing negative things. I only wish the Dems had a really good candidate. This will be the first time I will not mark a name for President going back to Reagan's first term.
In my house, people can have any political views, opinions, and perspectives they want as long as they align with my wife’s. I certainly don’t agree with her, so I keep my opinions to myself. That doesn’t stop her from trumpeting her love for DJT. I just grin and bear it. It’s called “keeping the peace.” It does get tough during family gatherings on her side of the family, as Democrats are considered like sub-creatures. 

 
In my house, people can have any political views, opinions, and perspectives they want as long as they align with my wife’s. I certainly don’t agree with her, so I keep my opinions to myself. That doesn’t stop her from trumpeting her love for DJT. I just grin and bear it. It’s called “keeping the peace.” It does get tough during family gatherings on her side of the family, as Democrats are considered like sub-creatures. 
That’s wild. Obviously everyone’s situation is different but if my wife suddenly turned into that, I’d imagine I’d honestly be thinking about divorce. Not because politics are the be-all and end-all of course, but because walking around on eggshells like that sounds like a pretty unhappy/unhealthy way to live, and because being a full-throated Trump supporter is pretty much totally incompatible with some fundamental beliefs of mine. Not sure how I’d be able to reconcile that. More power to you for making it work. 

 
In my house, people can have any political views, opinions, and perspectives they want as long as they align with my wife’s. I certainly don’t agree with her, so I keep my opinions to myself. That doesn’t stop her from trumpeting her love for DJT. I just grin and bear it. It’s called “keeping the peace.” It does get tough during family gatherings on her side of the family, as Democrats are considered like sub-creatures. 
My wife and I aren't as far apart since I actually still like Trump and agree with a lot of things he has done. It's just that there are so many other things that disqualify him to be President in my eyes. It's unfortunate because I think he could have been a great President but his personality just got in the way.

 
That’s wild. Obviously everyone’s situation is different but if my wife suddenly turned into that, I’d imagine I’d honestly be thinking about divorce. Not because politics are the be-all and end-all of course, but because walking around on eggshells like that sounds like a pretty unhappy/unhealthy way to live, and because being a full-throated Trump supporter is pretty much totally incompatible with some fundamental beliefs of mine. Not sure how I’d be able to reconcile that. More power to you for making it work. 
I agree life as currently constituted is far from ideal. I am trying to figure out how much of things are a result of COVID (her behavior has taken a dramatic turn since March) and if things change once the election is over. If Trump wins, she won't have much reason to beat up on the liberals. If Biden wins, there won't be much she can do about it. She'll complain, but that will go away in a few months. The other situation that will determine how things go will be how things bounce back to normal post-COVID (if there is such a thing). So I am giving her space.

 
That’s wild. Obviously everyone’s situation is different but if my wife suddenly turned into that, I’d imagine I’d honestly be thinking about divorce. Not because politics are the be-all and end-all of course, but because walking around on eggshells like that sounds like a pretty unhappy/unhealthy way to live, and because being a full-throated Trump supporter is pretty much totally incompatible with some fundamental beliefs of mine. Not sure how I’d be able to reconcile that. More power to you for making it work. 
Eh, I just accept now that many people have a blind spot when it comes to politicians on "their side" misbehaving.  Many liberals do it with Democrats who misbehave, and many conservatives do it with Republicans who misbehave. Trump, of course, takes misbehaving to a whole new level, but it's like when growing up if you have a brother who is a pain in the ### and you want to kick in the face every day (which fortunately was never the case with my two brothers), you can criticize him all the live long day, but the second anyone from outside of the family goes after him, you have his back.  "I can criticize him, but you cannot!!"  It's weird to me that many adopt that kind of family defense mechanism for politicians, who are generally shameless liars who deserve zero trust and little support, but it's just the way it seems to be.

 
Joe Bryant said:
Thank you for this. 

Yes, my household is not unanimous. My friend group is definitely unanimous (very strongly pro Trump). 

My answer for both family and friend group is we prioritize love for each other way over politics. That may sound simplistic. But it works for us. 

We are actually not just getting by with this. But thriving with this. I've learned from my friends and I think they've learned from me. 
Blood before politics is my credo.

 
I don’t agree with all the policies of either party and somewhat pick and chose positions independently. I just don’t care for Trump the person. If anyone rubbed me the wrong way, it’s him. 
This is where I am too.  Have the opposite with my wife as she is very progressive.  Far less challenging since she only has to defend policies.

 
Thanks for sharing.  I've never met anyone that has done a 180 on their politics within their adult life. 
You must not get out much.  I know a lot of people who were Democrats and as  they learn how bad Democrats are, they switched to Republicans.  Even though they aren't much better in my eyes.

 
You must not get out much.  I know a lot of people who were Democrats and as  they learn how bad Democrats are, they switched to Republicans.  Even though they aren't much better in my eyes.
Maybe... I've never met anyone as you describe.  I think that's likely a function of geography and the fact I'm not on FB more than anything.  Last three US cities I've lived are Atlanta, Oakland, and Baltimore.  Plus, I don't talk politics at work, so that limits my exposure to other people's politics.

 
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That’s wild. Obviously everyone’s situation is different but if my wife suddenly turned into that, I’d imagine I’d honestly be thinking about divorce. Not because politics are the be-all and end-all of course, but because walking around on eggshells like that sounds like a pretty unhappy/unhealthy way to live, and because being a full-throated Trump supporter is pretty much totally incompatible with some fundamental beliefs of mine. Not sure how I’d be able to reconcile that. More power to you for making it work. 
Mutual respect is an important part of any relationship, and marriage certainly qualifies. If everyone kept their belief to themselves, maybe it could work. But the OP’s situation sounds miserable.

 
I saw a chart recently (can't find it again) that illustrated a big part of the divide we are seeing now.  And I would argue, with many others, that it's a direct result of the current POTUS.

Prior to the 2016 election, I really didn't care much about "politics".  Being Republican or Democrat really didn't hold much significance for me.  So even while I aligned with more Democratic stances, I've never been some huge Pro-Democrat or some huge Anti-Republican.  I never really discussed politics with anyone (and really still don't aside from here) and never found the need to.  If I found out someone was Republican, for example, it made absolutely no difference to me and never had an issue.

So, back to the chart I saw, on the left side it said "You can disagree with someone politically and still be friends" and it proceeded to list several items.  It had things like economic policies, it had things like military and defense policies and foreign policies, things like gun control, environmental policies, etc.  So you can easily disagree on any of those and not have to dislike a person or have a problem with them.  Those are differences of opinion and politics and of course there are going to be various viewpoints, some more stark than others, but still, that's disagreeing about politics.

On the right side, however, it says "But you can't disagree about certain non-political issues and necessarily remain friends".  And this is where it listed things like "rejecting science", "rejecting systemic racism exists", "condemning other religions", "not condemning white supremacy" etc.  Those aren't "political" issues.  Wearing a mask and following science isn't a political issue.  Ignoring racism that still exists isn't a political issue.  Banning "Muslims" isn't a political issue.  Refusing to stand in unity against any hate groups (right or left) isn't a political issue.  But Trump has turned these things into political issues.

And that's where I think this big divide is and why it's something that exists now that did not exist before.  But for the Republicans following Trump in lock step with all of this, this wouldn't be a Republican vs. Democrat issue.  It would be a Trump vs No Trump issue but it's turned into so much more now.  I may not have agreed with George Bush's policies, but I never felt like he didn't have the interest of ALL of the country at heart.  Same with every President since I've been alive and been exposed to. 

Right now, Trump is only interested in taking care of the half of the country that supports him.  He is turning non-political ideas into political ones.  So, it's difficult for someone like myself to get behind that.  Thus, when friends or family continue to zealously support him, it's not politics that's making it difficult.  It's ideas that are much more than politics that are making it difficult.  We've seen the excuses on this board from quite a few explaining away why some of those items on the "right side" of the chart aren't important, don't exist, or just because you support Trump doesn't mean you feel that way.  And I try every single day to understand that but it is really difficult. 

To the original question and post, I don't know how that would happen at home because, right now, the two "sides" are so fundamentally different and it goes far beyond just politics, IMO. 

Also, to be clear, if Hillary had been elected, for example, and was doing the same things with Democrats supporting her, I would feel the exact same way about her as I do with Trump today.  I would vehemently oppose anyone that has said the things that have been said and done the things that have been done.

As I saw recently:

I was asked "You're willing to lose friends over politics??!".  And I said "No, I'm willing to lose friends over morals.".  Huge difference.

 
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Never paid much attention to politicians until  Obama for me and my wife.  He pretty much ruined the Respiratory profession.  With a poorly put together health reform.  Respiratory is being eliminated because of his policies.  So since Obama both of us are being forced to pay attention to politics due to his ineptitude.   

 
it's been testy since me Ma passed on this summer. i'm tending my 95yo father til i can get my newly-retired li'l sister to take over - i'm just hoping that happens before the damn bursts. without my mother as a buffer, we actually have to deal with each other daily & that's a chore. i could go all day without saying a word to him (or anyone, for that matter), but he's just lost the focus of his life for 70yrs and that'll make even the crustiest Vermonter needy, y'know?!

thing is, there's no particular rancor but the ol' man hasnt asked me a personal question since i called him a fascist in 1969. so there's nothing there. there is no middle ground between his Stone Age and my Stoner Age politics.  i made a rule when i came here to take care of my mother that Fox News was not to be on when i was tending her or cooking for them and i have gotten up and left each conversation in which he parrots Foxaganda. it's funny in a way because this all preceded Trump, so i have yet to inform him that i consider all Trump support to be intellectually and, more importantly, morally disqualifying.

so it's tastes and reminiscences. even that's pretty weak. my father still thinks of The Beatles as new-fangled noise, has never expressed a cultural enthusiasm of any kind and, now that i think of it, i've never heard him tell a story that's set in the almost 70 yrs since i was born. what else is there?!

 
I saw a chart recently (can't find it again) that illustrated a big part of the divide we are seeing now.  And I would argue, with many others, that it's a direct result of the current POTUS.

Prior to the 2016 election, I really didn't care much about "politics".  Being Republican or Democrat really didn't hold much significance for me.  So even while I aligned with more Democratic stances, I've never been some huge Pro-Democrat or some huge Anti-Republican.  I never really discussed politics with anyone (and really still don't aside from here) and never found the need to.  If I found out someone was Republican, for example, it made absolutely no difference to me and never had an issue.

So, back to the chart I saw, on the left side it said "You can disagree with someone politically and still be friends" and it proceeded to list several items.  It had things like economic policies, it had things like military and defense policies and foreign policies, things like gun control, environmental policies, etc.  So you can easily disagree on any of those and not have to dislike a person or have a problem with them.  Those are differences of opinion and politics and of course there are going to be various viewpoints, some more stark than others, but still, that's disagreeing about politics.

On the right side, however, it says "But you can't disagree about certain non-political issues and necessarily remain friends".  And this is where it listed things like "rejecting science", "rejecting systemic racism exists", "condemning other religions", "not condemning white supremacy" etc.  Those aren't "political" issues.  Wearing a mask and following science isn't a political issue.  Ignoring racism that still exists isn't a political issue.  Banning "Muslims" isn't a political issue.  Refusing to stand in unity against any hate groups (right or left) isn't a political issue.  But Trump has turned these things into political issues.

And that's where I think this big divide is and why it's something that exists now that did not exist before.  But for the Republicans following Trump in lock step with all of this, this wouldn't be a Republican vs. Democrat issue.  It would be a Trump vs No Trump issue but it's turned into so much more now.  I may not have agreed with George Bush's policies, but I never felt like he didn't have the interest of ALL of the country at heart.  Same with every President since I've been alive and been exposed to. 

Right now, Trump is only interested in taking care of the half of the country that supports him.  He is turning non-political ideas into political ones.  So, it's difficult for someone like myself to get behind that.  Thus, when friends or family continue to zealously support him, it's not politics that's making it difficult.  It's ideas that are much more than politics that are making it difficult.  We've seen the excuses on this board from quite a few explaining away why some of those items on the "right side" of the chart aren't important, don't exist, or just because you support Trump doesn't mean you feel that way.  And I try every single day to understand that but it is really difficult. 

As to the original question and post, I don't know how that would happen at home because, right now, the two "sides" are so fundamentally different and it goes far beyond just politics, IMO.
You do realize that if Obama wasn't so diverseness.  Trump would have never came into play.  You can blame Obama and the Democrats for Trump.  You're blaming Trump when Obama single handled all the issues and is the main reason Trump was elected.

 
Everybody in my household is strong Trump, but my brother is Orange Man Bad and my cousin who I am close to is also. It’s pretty simple, I just laugh at them when talk politics. I purposely go out of my way to talk politics with them so I can get a good chuckle.

They are always wrong so there is no sense in letting it bother me. It also helps they both know and accept that Biden is completely pathetic and are demoralized like most Democrats (both big berners). We all still get along great. 

 
Back in the day, she had a save the world mentality. She has a military family and was somewhat showing her independence by supporting the Democrats. By the time Obama came around, her family started convincing her that his administration was destroying the country. 

Then she started working for the Medicaid program and she found that plenty of lazy people are getting platinum healthcare coverage for free, far better than what we are getting and have to pay for. 

She voted Trump last time because he was the chance of something different. Since then, she became enthralled with how well 401k and investments shot up. Now she is totally against entitlement programs and believes hard working people that pushed themselves to the top of the income food chain should not be punished by having to pay taxes to support the poor.

Her friends have done well along the way, they share similar ideals, she has become much more integrated with her family, and here we are.

I don’t agree with all the policies of either party and somewhat pick and chose positions independently. I just don’t care for Trump the person. If anyone rubbed me the wrong way, it’s him.
I bet your household would make for a pretty good reality show. 

 
it's been testy since me Ma passed on this summer. i'm tending my 95yo father til i can get my newly-retired li'l sister to take over - i'm just hoping that happens before the damn bursts. without my mother as a buffer, we actually have to deal with each other daily & that's a chore. i could go all day without saying a word to him (or anyone, for that matter), but he's just lost the focus of his life for 70yrs and that'll make even the crustiest Vermonter needy, y'know?!

thing is, there's no particular rancor but the ol' man hasnt asked me a personal question since i called him a fascist in 1969. so there's nothing there. there is no middle ground between his Stone Age and my Stoner Age politics.  i made a rule when i came here to take care of my mother that Fox News was not to be on when i was tending her or cooking for them and i have gotten up and left each conversation in which he parrots Foxaganda. it's funny in a way because this all preceded Trump, so i have yet to inform him that i consider all Trump support to be intellectually and, more importantly, morally disqualifying.

so it's tastes and reminiscences. even that's pretty weak. my father still thinks of The Beatles as new-fangled noise, has never expressed a cultural enthusiasm of any kind and, now that i think of it, i've never heard him tell a story that's set in the almost 70 yrs since i was born. what else is there?!
This doesn’t sound as funny as it was on Frasier.

 
Not immediate family but my wife’s side is pretty pro-Trump and a lot of my side is pro or reluctant Trump while we’re strongly on the other side. We avoid politics with her side especially her BIL who likely would be supportive of the militia in Michigan after the things violent things he suggested should happen to Obama and Hilary.

My wife recently found out that because of COVID changes to the citizenship process and AZ extending their voter registration deadline, that she’s likely to become a citizen the day before the deadline and would be able to vote this year. Excited about it she told her mom the news and her response was that needs to vote for Trump because he will give everyone another stimulus check. 😐 She smartly used the kids as an excuse and quickly got out of that conversation but I’m guessing it will come up again in the next few weeks.

 
Never paid much attention to politicians until  Obama for me and my wife.  He pretty much ruined the Respiratory profession.  With a poorly put together health reform.  Respiratory is being eliminated because of his policies.  So since Obama both of us are being forced to pay attention to politics due to his ineptitude.   
What policy(ies) have negatively impacted respiratory therapy?

 
What policy(ies) have negatively impacted respiratory therapy?f
For patients they only receive one charge for every therapy so if a patient is every hour that use to be 24 charges Obama changed it to one charge for entire hospital stay.  Crippling all of Respiratory revenue.  Which is why a lot of hospitals have gotten rid of half their departments at least in ohio.

 
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Blood before politics is my credo.
Depends on the blood. My wife's half brother and his wife are big Trump supporters. The kind that get their Facebook posts deleted because they post mis/disinformation and then complain about it. They are only blood legally speaking (to me) and I didn't like hanging out with them much to begin with. IMO, it is awesome that my wife now agrees that we don't need to invite them over - or feel obligated to go to their place for any holidays. Now that that line has been crossed I need to start a McCarthy era type smear/propaganda campaign to label her friends I don't like as the crazy, misinformation posting Trump supporters... trust me, the irony is not lost on me... but damn if there aren't some friends of hers that I would love to not have to waste an evening with regardless of their political leanings.

 
Blood before politics is my credo.
I thought it went without saying. Some people take this stuff way too seriously. 
Honestly there are some people in my life that share my political beliefs that I’d pick 100 times out of 100 over some of my “blood”.  
 

* in all fairness though that has nothing to do with the political beliefs of either and everything to do with the general awfulness of the blood relations. 

 
My wife is farther to the left than I am, which may be hard to believe. Her parents are lifelong social and fiscal conservatives. It can be real awkward but we make it work. She's been working on them for the last 4 years and they claim they'll be voting for Biden this time around.

 
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I met my wife during college orientation and we were friend for years before taking the next steps into a relationship.  I knew the first day I met her I'd spend the rest of my life with her.  Twenty years and two daughters later, we've had some serious ups and downs, but remain happily married.  I cannot fathom considering divorce or questioning my marriage to this woman because of her politics.  That strikes me as demeaning to her, our marriage and my love for her.  People's priorities in their lives have become unbelievably out of whack and it leaves me despondent.  

She is voting for Trump, but not really vocal about it.  I'm not sure where I land yet, unfortunately.  I'm not a Trump supporter, didn't vote for him the first time around.  I generally am more in support of him than not, although he makes it really difficult.  

 
Thankfully my wife is apolitical, same as me. Neither of our parents ever talk politics and I do not see any political posts by any of my siblings on facebook.

There is so much in this world to do, why waste your time on politics.

 

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