Morton Muffley
Footballguy
TLDR: losing long-time friends over politics and bad manners (more the latter actually)
My wife and I are left leaning, Trump despising, residents of a wealthy Boston suburb and who mostly keep our opinions to ourselves. I say "mostly" because my close friends on either side of the political spectrum (and I have several on each side) know how I feel and we have spirited albeit fruitless debates about our different beliefs. Lately I have found myself occupying a very lonely no-mans' land between two very adamant and opinionated sides. I write this NOT to stake out some moral high ground in the middle, but rather to emphasize the loneliness of being a left-leaning moderate in the current moment. Anyway, that's not the point, but is the necessary background.
The point is that we had drinks & dinner tonight with two couples: one with whom we've been friends for 20 years, the other we have only recently gotten to know through these long-time friends. We knew that both of the other couples were likely Trump supporters, but they are lovely people who we simply disagree with on politics and with whom we have, for good reason, chosen to avoid the topic entirely. They asked us our comfort with getting together tonight indoors and we informed them that with a live-in mother-in-law of 80 (who has multiple co-morbidtities) and a 51 year old brother in the midst of stage 4 prostate cancer that we are closely supporting, we didn't feel comfortable with indoor dining. We told them that they should not change plans for us, but that given the aforementioned situation we were taking extra pre-cautions. They said it was no problem and that they'd be happy to entertain us in the 60 degree outdoors.
We arrived at their home and walked to the back yard to find the 2 couples set up in the kitchen. They said they'd be right out and we should get comfortable on the deck. We did. Moments later they joined us on the deck with a small bit of exasperation. The wife we have known for 20 years went in for a usual hug and before my wife could react her husband sincerely chastised her with "hey, no touching...we talked about this." The other two couples kept their distance from us but not from one another. I appreciated it all and thought nothing of it beyond "different strokes for different folks as long as they respect our appraoch."
A few hours later, following several beers and some delicious pizza, my wife gave me the "we should go" sign. It was earlier than I expected, but the temp was below 60 degrees now and a wind was kicking up - so I understood, or so I thought. We packed up, elbow bumped goodbye and left. It was a fun night.
UNTIL...I got in the car and my wife burst into tears. While I had been outside, she had gotten cornered in the kitchen on her way to the bathroom. Covid was a hoax, didn't she know. The hosting wife is a dental hygenist and "has had no problems. I don't even wear a shield sometimes." Other woman told my wife that the numbers are exaggerated and that "it's all political." My wife told them that she/we felt differently and that she understood they had a different POV. My wife was then told that "your side is the problem" at which point my wife retorted "the problem is real and it's less Covid than the lack of leadership addressing it. In any case, I think we are done here." My wife then returned from the bathroom and took her seat on the deck only to overhear the two women discussing how "she doesn't get it" and that she "needs to wake up" and how she's "over-reacting" and how "this social distancing is nonsense" and how they are "anti-mask." All of this came pouring out through tears as we drove off.
A few minutes ago I texted my male friend of 20 years to let him know what had transpired. That I had a wonderful time until I learned that my wife was cornered and disrespected. Not because they didn't share our political views (they never have and I don't care), but because of their inhospitality - their inability to respect OUR simple wishes, ones that they had agreed to in advance - and to not talk about us behind our backs when they couldn't convince my wife of the errors of our ways. I thanked him for the evening and also told him that the current political situation was stressing everyone out and that our foreign adversaries were taking advantage of the current political situation and that I was saddened and disappointed to learn how the evening had progressed....that our friendship might be the latest casualty in this political battle. I told him all this and I told him that his wife should not contact mine as I didn't think that would be well-received. Best to let things cool down, I wrote. I apologized for sending him a lengthy text with a request to "do nothing." I offered him the opportunity for the two of us to connect without our wives if he had any thoughts, questions or other perspectives about the evening.
Am writing all the above because I am 20% pissed and 80% really gd sad. I don't even know why I'm sharing the above. I don't know what I want...what I'm seeking from any of you. I think I just wanted to share. Am trying to process what might well be the end of a 20 year friendship. This year sux.
My wife and I are left leaning, Trump despising, residents of a wealthy Boston suburb and who mostly keep our opinions to ourselves. I say "mostly" because my close friends on either side of the political spectrum (and I have several on each side) know how I feel and we have spirited albeit fruitless debates about our different beliefs. Lately I have found myself occupying a very lonely no-mans' land between two very adamant and opinionated sides. I write this NOT to stake out some moral high ground in the middle, but rather to emphasize the loneliness of being a left-leaning moderate in the current moment. Anyway, that's not the point, but is the necessary background.
The point is that we had drinks & dinner tonight with two couples: one with whom we've been friends for 20 years, the other we have only recently gotten to know through these long-time friends. We knew that both of the other couples were likely Trump supporters, but they are lovely people who we simply disagree with on politics and with whom we have, for good reason, chosen to avoid the topic entirely. They asked us our comfort with getting together tonight indoors and we informed them that with a live-in mother-in-law of 80 (who has multiple co-morbidtities) and a 51 year old brother in the midst of stage 4 prostate cancer that we are closely supporting, we didn't feel comfortable with indoor dining. We told them that they should not change plans for us, but that given the aforementioned situation we were taking extra pre-cautions. They said it was no problem and that they'd be happy to entertain us in the 60 degree outdoors.
We arrived at their home and walked to the back yard to find the 2 couples set up in the kitchen. They said they'd be right out and we should get comfortable on the deck. We did. Moments later they joined us on the deck with a small bit of exasperation. The wife we have known for 20 years went in for a usual hug and before my wife could react her husband sincerely chastised her with "hey, no touching...we talked about this." The other two couples kept their distance from us but not from one another. I appreciated it all and thought nothing of it beyond "different strokes for different folks as long as they respect our appraoch."
A few hours later, following several beers and some delicious pizza, my wife gave me the "we should go" sign. It was earlier than I expected, but the temp was below 60 degrees now and a wind was kicking up - so I understood, or so I thought. We packed up, elbow bumped goodbye and left. It was a fun night.
UNTIL...I got in the car and my wife burst into tears. While I had been outside, she had gotten cornered in the kitchen on her way to the bathroom. Covid was a hoax, didn't she know. The hosting wife is a dental hygenist and "has had no problems. I don't even wear a shield sometimes." Other woman told my wife that the numbers are exaggerated and that "it's all political." My wife told them that she/we felt differently and that she understood they had a different POV. My wife was then told that "your side is the problem" at which point my wife retorted "the problem is real and it's less Covid than the lack of leadership addressing it. In any case, I think we are done here." My wife then returned from the bathroom and took her seat on the deck only to overhear the two women discussing how "she doesn't get it" and that she "needs to wake up" and how she's "over-reacting" and how "this social distancing is nonsense" and how they are "anti-mask." All of this came pouring out through tears as we drove off.
A few minutes ago I texted my male friend of 20 years to let him know what had transpired. That I had a wonderful time until I learned that my wife was cornered and disrespected. Not because they didn't share our political views (they never have and I don't care), but because of their inhospitality - their inability to respect OUR simple wishes, ones that they had agreed to in advance - and to not talk about us behind our backs when they couldn't convince my wife of the errors of our ways. I thanked him for the evening and also told him that the current political situation was stressing everyone out and that our foreign adversaries were taking advantage of the current political situation and that I was saddened and disappointed to learn how the evening had progressed....that our friendship might be the latest casualty in this political battle. I told him all this and I told him that his wife should not contact mine as I didn't think that would be well-received. Best to let things cool down, I wrote. I apologized for sending him a lengthy text with a request to "do nothing." I offered him the opportunity for the two of us to connect without our wives if he had any thoughts, questions or other perspectives about the evening.
Am writing all the above because I am 20% pissed and 80% really gd sad. I don't even know why I'm sharing the above. I don't know what I want...what I'm seeking from any of you. I think I just wanted to share. Am trying to process what might well be the end of a 20 year friendship. This year sux.
